₦airaland Forum

Some guys refuse to listen to advice when given to them. You have good intention towards your girlfriend which is making her your wife, but must you copy what everyone else is doing? You know the type of lady you are dating and I am sure you must have spoken of marriage before, what stops you from proposing to her within the comfort of your home? Why must you make it a public proposal, must you even kneel before her in order to propose to her? All this things are not our culture, but copied from the Western world. Each time a guy does this thing and gets a negative response it affects him emotionally and is also a disgrace to the guy as he wasn't expecting such an outcome from the person he says he loves.

To be sincere with you, she doesn't want a relationship with you. The more you push for it, the more she will think your life depends on it. Since she personally asked for a break, grant it to her.

It's a straight forward thing, she doesn't want relationship, but instead wants to get married. I know that your intention is to eat her and move on, which is a very foolish things to do. Don't promise her marriage just to get in between her legs as I know you may be thinking. She is not the type of girl cut out for you, go and look for them on the street and I the clubs. You said yourself that you told her your intention and her response to you, so use your 3 legs and move on.

There is a saying that "the end justifies the means". She was not truly into you, she was toiling with your emotions so as to find out what you will do. She had the audacity to plan and execute such a thing in your house knowing fully well that the two of you are in a relationship, she didn't even consider the implication of her actions if caught. She was trying to play smart not know that you are smarter. She should go back to the guy she preferred to you and establish a relationship with him. The steps you took are the same thing every right thinking guy will do.

I believe there must have been mutual understanding between all co-tenants before moving into the apartment and if followed properly, there should be no problem. The kitchen which they share will have separate cupboards and cooking utensils. If he feels that the apartment is uncomfortable for him then he has to move out and look for either a self contained apartment, a room and parlour apartment (not shared) or a two bedroom apartment.

To me the solution to this is very simple, take the car from him and sell it. Use the proceed from the sales to build the house, simple.

emmanuelbrown26:
Oga that's one of d tools used by d enemies. There are things that worths forgiving while there things that does not give room for forgiveness. D earlier human beings see it that way d better for d society. She didn't thought of d consequences before venturing into that path.
Such a woman could kill and label it domestic violence likewise a man that has that kind of mind could as well kill and label it another thing, highest the person would just serve some years of jail terms and continue his or her life.
As for Eden, God did not regret creating animals, trees, plants, water, land and sea. God used d word man bcs he felt that Adam disappointed him by allowing eve to deceive him. Since man is d head of d family, normally whatever happens they society always blame man.
After all, God himself said "when he saw that things he created were so good and he took a rest" a situation where God rested after seen d beautiful creatures, garden was in shamble when a woman came
There are things even God himself did not want mankind to know about woman.
God himself did not marry
His only Son did not marry
All d angels in Heaven are all men (according to what Christians were meant to understand)
All d 12 Apostles were all men
Come to humanity
All d great scientist never got married
Infact, something hidden about women are yet to be revealed and I believe men has to know

As much as I am not in support of what the woman did in the first place, I still believe that there is still chance for compromise and rebuilding lost confidence and trust if not he would have outrightly sent her parking immediately he confirmed everything. Talking about the Bible now you said that there are things God didn't want man to know about woman, sighting that even God himself, His son, the Host of Angels are not married. These people you mentioned are not human but spiritual beings. After God created man, he rested and saw that the work he made for man is too much and decided that man needs a helper. It was not man that demanded for a helper but God himself decided to give man a helper and didn't create her as He created man but created her from man himself, taking a rib from him to make her. The scientist you mentioned (most if them ) are married with children. The fact that one woman made a mistake which is pardon able that doesn't mean you condemn all the females.

emmanuelbrown26:
Telling d man to forgive sounds more like being too stupid for long and forever.
I don't think their should be a forgiveness here. Even God regretted creating woman after d garden of Eden.

There is always room for forgiveness in a marriage as it is not a do or die affair. My reason for saying that he should forgive is because of their children as it will not be good for them to grow up in broken homes. Your quote in the Bible is wrong, God didn't regret creating Eve (woman) after Eden. The Bible only referenced where God said he regrets making man in his image.

To be sincere, I don't see anything bad in what you are doing, because a adage says "one good turn deserve another "He thought he was wise when he blatantly refused to marry you legally only to come now and demand it because of your promotion. You are not wicked or selfish.

To be sincere long distance in my opinion is not good reason been that you cannot tell of the true nature and character of the person as you may not have met him or her physically. In this case, their relationship is not a steady one as I can easily deduce that her parents do not want her to have male friends let alone having a boyfriend. The guy on the other hand is hopeful that may be an opportunity might arise for them to meet but that hasn't happened yet. Talking marriage now is not even an option as I am sure her family will refuse her marrying anyone outside who they chose for her. Having strict parents is good to an extent, but when over done the child on any slightest opportunity he or she has will over do what they are avoiding knowing fully well that it is an opportunity of a lifetime. I don't know what to tell her concerning her present predicament as there are difficulties in solving such a case.

emmanuelbrown26:
My brother, some women are more deadlier than devil himself.
They can pretend to d last, I know some of them that pretended as if they were angel in human skin until dey got married and became serpent

That's very true, that's the reason why we as guys have to be very careful when making choice of who will be our wives as any mistake made in the choice making will be drastic.

Addy615:
His business is profitable, he earns above 200k monthly and I earn more than him

My dad is insisting that he is not my class financially

All members of his family has accepted me, the problem lies with my family that have refused to approve the marriage

Thank for the response. He makes above 200k from his business monthly, so let's assume he makes 250k monthly that means he makes million yearly. That's cool money but the way your father is sounding it looks like you make about 5 or 6 million yearly. I believe that your family sees him as a gold digger. What matters most is your happiness but from the look of it your family (sorry to say) is looking at status rather than your happiness. How are they sure that the person they may have in mind wouldn't treat you bad as your mum fears? The reason they are giving for rejecting him is not substantiate enough to do so. I think it's because they were aware that you were offering assistance financially to his family, so therefore they see his family as lower class. I don't want to tell you to disobey your parents but try as much as you can to make them see reason why he is worth you.

FictionalTales:
The writing is pretty legible, you just have to read slowly.

I read it several times but couldn't quite understand what you wrote.

Your writing and question doesn't go well, review the storyline.

This is a very dicy case. The two people whose reservation are disturbing are your dad and mum. Your dad saying that he is not your class, how does he mean? Is he talking financially, status wise or something else. The business he is doing, is it not profitable? Something made your father make that statement. Your mum saying she fears you will suffer if you marry him, how does she mean? It looks like you make more money than him on a monthly basis which prompted the statement. How does his family see you, did they accept you willingly (not looking at your financial strength) or do they also have their own reservations?

My brother this is a very straight forward thing. She has told you already as it is not hiding anything from you, she made it known to you that she doesn't want the relationship anymore and that the love you both share (if true) is no longer there. There is no need forcing it, love is natural and can't be forced. Her sister has told you what to do already so take her advice and stop putting yourself through more emotional trauma.

My advice to you is either have a sit down with her give her one final warning concerning what you are complaining about instructing her to block him right in front of you and to distance yourself from him failing to do so, she will have to make a choice between your union with her and the said male teacher. Or taking her home to visit her parents and bare your mind openly to them.

As a man there are certain things you don't touch and one of them is your wife's already used or unused sanitary pads, it is unbecoming of a man who does such a thing. Even if you see such around your house call her to come collect them by herself.

I am happy that this post was created by a lady and not a guy. Men pass through a lot in marriage and even as they decide not to talk about it, it leads to their early demise. In the dating stage you would have known the type of woman and wife she will be to you. Some guys decide to ignore the signs that are glaring and this leads them to making the wrong choice on the assumption that everything will work out once they are married. Some get married because of physical attributes only and when the problem comes up they out of love will endure to the very end. As another person posted before, men should be very careful when making choice of who they call their life partner.

She learnt it from someone or somewhere find out where and put a stop to it.

Give more details so answers can come.

Lessons have been learnt and trust taken for granted. The only advice I will give the man is to take things easy with his wife as this step which he is taking will do more harm than good. It is true that she offended him greatly and it will be difficult to forgive her, but for the sake of their children he should find a place in his heart to forgive her. If this step he is taking continues it will lead to break up of the union due to lack of peace and love. It should serve as a lesson to women in general, there are certain things you don't need to hide from your husband as the discovery of it will not end well in your favor.

Charlex23:
No she won't forfeit the trip. Thanks brotherly. I'll go ahead

Please do go ahead with Love. You are most welcome.

Charlex23:
I've spoken to her, and she's like there's no problem with the long distance relationship. That she could cope with it. She's even thinking of forfeiting the trip to Canada, just to stay here with me, but I really don't want that. I'll try to give it a Chance

For no reason whatsoever will she forfeit this trip as it is very essential to her. Since she doesn't have any problem with long distance relationship then fire on.

I have read through your long writing and have a question for you. You have fears that when she goes to Canada for studies that certainly she will see someone better than you and your intentions for her is to make her your wife, how does she feel concerning this intention of yours? She has assured you that she will be yours alone, are the both of you comfortable with long distance relationship? I really see love in your eyes also in hers, the final decision lies with you as you have been desiring this for a long time. If you really love her and want to be with her, there is no barrier stopping you from it. Let Love Lead.

I am a guy but to answer your question, if I was a lady of course I will marry someone like my father.

tsmith:
There is a communication, then dictatorship. Theirs sounds like a one sided conversation, the head of zoo dictates and the animals are just expected to say yes Sir yes Sir. No arguments, no alternative suggestions and no compromise.

There is communication in the union. The fact that he called her and had an agreement with her concerning her not taking care of the home adequately, and also going to the market always, shows it is a 2 way agreement. She agreed to 2 days a week and started implementing it, then suddenly added Saturdays on her own without her husband knowing knowing fully well that he will need her all weekend long. Since she took that decision on her own, the head of the family which is the man banned her from going to market on Saturday and to pick any other day of the week to replace Saturday. It shows full communication among both parties.

amenn500:
In this case it has to be bumper to bumper while shes driving, cos if she gets there before me, there is no way in this world that I will be able to trace her, the market is big.

The goal here is not letting her know that you are coming as if she does, you may not find out what you went there for. If it is possible for you, inform a friend who has a car that she can't easily identify, the purpose of your going there. In this way as soon as she moved, you follow her closely behind till you reach your destination. Try to be patient as whatever it is may not take place immediately she arrives. Give it some time and move in alone so she will not know how you got there.

amenn500:
This is the major question, we no longer have an house help, but a relative is staying with us though she works so she has little time to fill the gap for her in which she goes to work on saturdays too. My brother in law who is her younger brother also stay with us he is working class too but doesnt go to work on saturdays, so he stays with them. The problem here is, after agreeing on certain things, she turns around to do the opposite, as a self employed person, i work from Monday to friday, but few hours on saturday, i rarely get to spend time with her during week days because i get home at night, all i wanted is to at least get her to be fully around me on saturday/sunday its not too bad to ask for, because during the week days (5days) I can say categorically that I dont eat more than 3 times of her meal, so she dont stress at all, so if weekend are days she can have time for me, Its not bad at all, to even say that the previous saturday she dashed out without my notice, she was suppose to take oir daughter to the hospital based on an emergency issue, she left her and that made me to start thinking maybe there is more to the saturday market that i am not noticing.

Its very hard to trace her in the tejuoso market, most times sef network is very bad when i try to call her there, the market is rigid and there is no way in this world that I can make that happen. All I could do was to ban her, whatever she can get on saturdays, she can always get during the weekday, her excuse however is that sometimes materials they are using to sow for her isnt enough so she has to go, i said send your PA who you usually send there to help u get it, she said the lady is too lazy and sluggish bla bla bla

I understand you perfectly, that is why I advised that you visit that market she goes on Saturday so as to know exactly what is always making her to go there. If is possible, if her friends around will notice your car and inform her, park it not too close to the market, make sure you disguise yourself so that even if they might see you they may not be sure it's you till you get to where she is before exposing yourself so as to achieve your goal.

The best thing for you to do is to carry out your investigations to ascertain the true identity of the caller and the link to your wife. If you confirm your suspicion then confront her with evidence to hear what she has to say.