onyxo76:
i was not yet married then, neither was she, we had our patners to be then

Good to know, now that this is clear, I believe it is best for the two of you to call it off or risk it then wait for the repercussions that follows. One thing is certain, it is either your marriage ends or it goes a long way to taking your life.

Mowaconfused:

The man is a Nigerian based in abroad

She met the man after we started dating and i asked her why she kept everything from, she said her friends advised her to do so because men are unpredictable that if she tell me about the man I might be playing along with her and when I'm about to settle down I will jilt her and start having trust issues with her so that's why she kept everything from me.

I'm not really sure of the third question

Before all these happened, I really love and trust her so much because she's always contented with anything i gave her, she never for once change her attitude, you know when a girl started having feelings for someone else, she will start to distant herself from her previous boyfriend and start acting strange non of these happened infact she always over care and play alot with me anytime she came over to my place so I'm just confused. She still call me this morning to apologise.

I have this fear that since he is a Nigerian based overseas, when he comes back for visitation he may likely want to see her physically and looking at how their communication is, you may not like the outcome. I can also see that she has started to fall in love with him which led to your complaints in your initial thread. I know she is saying otherwise, but the heart doesn't lie. You didn't answer my final question, what are your intentions towards her, is she the kind or type of girl you pray or hope for as a wife and then mother of your children? If yes insist on her quitting the communication and assistance from the man if she refuses let her choose again who she loves and who she wants to spend the rest of her life with. If on the other hand she is not the kind or type of girl you pray or hope for as a wife, then for the sake of love decide for yourself if to continue or quit the relationship. I want you to give this two options a good thought before making your final decision.

You are playing a very dangerous game which could either lead to the end of your marriage or even your life. The beginning of your write up you said that you and the lady in question who was your colleague at that time had fun with each other when your spouses were not in town so as to avoid loneliness. You cheated on your wife and you think you are safe. You may have handled her more than she has ever been handled that's why she is coming back for more. I would have told you to inform her that you are married but from your write up she already knows. She is willing to cheat on her husband with you which is very bad. Back to your question, I believe it is best for you and her if you block her completely. If not the day this thing you both are doing in secret will come to light, it may lead to either of the two things I stated earlier. It will not be you alone but the both of you. I assure you that if it is the first one which is ending your marriage, you will not have anything to do with this lady in question. So why risk it?

As much as I like your topic and thread, this is not the right section for such a thread, go to religion section and post it there. In this section people complain about their relationship and get advice from the elders. Post this here is derailing and killing your good message and thread.

You should not be afraid or confused, many people out there have many problems and are looking for who to relate it to or share it with. Some even have inner secrets which may be troubling them and need someone to talk to. You are a good listener and I know for sure that after telling you this things the feel relieved. Any word of advice you give to them at that moment, they will take it wholeheartedly. As I said earlier, you don't need to be afraid or confused, I also want to appeal to you not to push them away, don't stop listening to them and after all complaints try as much as you can to console them with suiting words.

I have some questions to ask before concluding on what to tell you. The said old man of above 50, is he a Nigerian based overseas or an American? Another question is that before you started your relationship with her, how sure are you that they have not been communicating? Thirdly since the family of the lady in question knows about the said discussion or communication, how sure are you that they have not promised the man of marrying her? Fourthly what are your intentions towards the girl in question. Is she the kind or type of girl you pray for and hope for as a wife? Answer them so that I can tell you what is on my mind.

I have some questions to ask before concluding on what to tell you. The said old man of above 50, is he a Nigerian based overseas or an American? Another question is that before you started your relationship with her, how sure are you that they have not been communicating? Thirdly since the family of the lady in question knows about the said discussion or communication, how sure are you that they have not promised the man of marrying her? Fourthly what are your intentions towards the girl in question. Is

Your complain by the side. How can you say that you cannot have access to her body as you like, is the body yours? Did you pay her dowry to her parents before talking about access to her body? Sometimes we men are the cause of our own problems. If it was your sister that was in the same shoes as the girl, how will you advice her? How difficult is it to wait till after all marital rights have been concluded before talking about unlimited access to her body. At this level of your relationship of 5 years and this your complain of unlimited access to her body, what is left after the celebration of marriage, how will you consummate your marriage when you are needing or wanting unlimited access to her body.

Jodha:


Yhure right...thanks

You are most welcome.

Jodha:


Mhen.....I never thought of it that way.... I'll send my sibling to collect it... it'll be easier for me that way... yhuve been of great help ....

I really... really appreciate....if not for yhu ... I'd probably be at home squeezing my face all day....while sighing up and down..and raining heaps of insults at my younger ones at the slightest provocation...

You need to take it easy with yourself, your siblings and the tailor in question. Life is full of ups and downs. Just calm down, engage in other things to take your mind away from the pain

Jodha:



I'll just mute everyone that attended that wedding
.. maybe that'll help...


I have not gone to collect the material and my money...I don't want to look at that tailor's face till I'm over this... because I might not be able to control myself if she says something off.


Anyways thanks again for "listening" to my aimless rants..

It's not aimless as you said, I read through it and thought I chip in some words to calm your pains. Try to take things easy with your tailor, if you feel you can't stand her face, discuss with her on sending your younger ones to collect the materials, while she transfers the money to you. As I said earlier your rant wasn't aimless.

Jodha:



Thanks a lot....I did explain to her .... she's a nice person too...not like my other weyrey friends...she was disappointed though but she just had to leave it be...

The issue was the material was asoebi...we bought it because we wanted to blend in with the others ....I had something else to substitute with but she didn't have anything else to wear...

I couldn't bear to go without her... because we planned everything together...it wouldn't be fair...so I had to stay back too...
I really had to go out to get my mind off ...

Now people that went to the wedding are uploaded beautiful pictures up and down....now everything is coming back
It'll pass sha...

Thanks a lot


..

You are indeed a good friend. I think what you you should do now is avoid looking at the pictures of the wedding since it reminds you of the pain. Look for something else to do or watch so that you will not remember the pain.

Thanks

ITbomb:

It should be a round figure, 300k

Of course yes.

If you were capable enough to give her 100k, then surely you should be capable of giving her 250k

Jodha:


Mhen this is not the first time she's doing this o...I felt she'll be considerate since she knows I have a wedding to attend...

I don't have any similar to wear.... I'm just sad I dragged my friend too to this mess... because I have the tailor her material too....she just spoilt everything....

I don't think I'll attend the wedding again.... I'll go and collect my money and material today
..... it's because I'm too nice.... she's telling me that she knows I'll understand....if I was arrogant...she wouldn't have tried this nonsense...

Oh well

I quite understand your pain. She was too busy to do it for you because she knows you will understand. As for your friend you dragged into this mess, apologize to her and explain to her how it happened. If she has something similar to what she wanted to sew, she should put it on and attend. As for you try to calm down and look for other things to do so as to take your mind away from the error committed.

Jodha:
I want to rant ooo.... I'm so pissed I feel like tearing everything apart..

Nigerian tailors are useless o.... I have a wedding to attend tomorrow...after reminding my tailor that the wedding is on the 12th...I went today and she has not touched my clothe...she apologized and said she'll see what she can do this night...

Now she's texting me that she can't do it...that I should come and take my money.... Omooh

It is so unfair what she did to you, but December is usually very hectic for tailors. Is this the first time you are patronizing her? If yes, then know that she is not reliable to meet up to targets. If no, then it's either she is too busy or is not willing to do it. The wedding you are to attend, if you have something similar in colour or style, then you can use it. Collect your money and material from her as soon as possible.

holluwizzy:
She can move on, that is no problem but the well-being of the twins is my concern.

Is it a risk I should take ?

Or I should take them with me and Run away then leave some funds for her in her account?.

How old are the children in question? Can you take good care of them all alone? Since she is insisting on taking them along, I believe she wants to use them as insurance to collect money from you, and she may prove difficult to let go of them. If you can take good care of them alone and capable of, then don't allow her take the children away from you.

holluwizzy:
My plan is to rehabilitate myself first.

Am sponsoring her to continue her education.

Running away withe children is what am concerned about.
Tho they will have good life there but their well-being is my concern.

It's good to rehabilitate your self as you said. My fear and worry is that she might get involved with another guy over there and abandon you completely. My concern also is that her taking the children outside may not go as you plan.

What is she traveling outside to do? Vacation or work? How are you sure she doesn't want to also run away with the children? It is a very delicate issue which should be handled with care. What are your plans when she travels out as she is insisting?

Europeanian:

WRONG ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Change is constant.. people do change oh.

For the fact he doesn't want to let her go, he loves you and guys like this do end up marrying the lady they cnt let go. Don't listen to all these other advices saying you should quit the relationship. Most of them are just sadist and don't like anything marriage. The guy love you, stick with him and have enough dialogue with him.
5

I didn't tell her to quit, I only gave her two choices for her to make. It is left to her to decide what she wants for herself. As for saying that people change, I am not saying its false. My only problem is the fact that he hits her. I am strongly against such habit. How can you tell me a man will beat up a lady he claims to love. My concern is that if eventually he gets married to her, the abuse will definitely continue and then it will be a different case. As I said earlier, she has the choice to make for herself.

You said you find it difficult to leave the relationship and you are asking again if you should leave the relationship. From what I can see, at first the relationship was lovely, rosy and sweet, but now it has changed to bitter, painful and regretful. As I always say, it is bad for a guy to hit the girl he said he loves no matter the reason. How can you stay in a relationship that turned from lovely to abusive? You have to make up your mind and decide what you want for yourself after all you are an adult. If you feel that staying in an abusive relationship is good for your health, who am I to advice against it? If you feel otherwise then do the needful. The ball is in your court.

I have read your story and I will say I understand what you are saying. My advice to you is in 2 ways. Firstly, if you really love this girl to the extent of making her your wife, I think she needs strong prayers and deliverance. You should put her in prayers too, God can intervene on this her matter because of you. Secondly, if you only love her for your current relationship, I believe it's best for the both of you if you go your separate ways.

From what I just read I can comfortably say that there was no sin commited since there was no interaction with any man. She got pregnant through artificial insemination.

You forgot to mention Amuwo Odofin especially around apple junction, that area is always flooded when it rains due to poor drainage system. Even if it rains for 5 mins only, the flood will be there.

GamalNasser:
You can see the briefcase construction company they gave such an important job to do

What do you mean by briefcase construction company?

OsuIgboIpob:
[s][/s]
RUBBISH

Maybe to you it is RUBBISH, but to sensible people it is not. So ask yourself if you are really sensible or not. What have you done to make your generation a healthy,happy and wealthy generation, answer it to yourself before making unreasonable assertions.

Did you find out who the Nairaland guy is and his motive for doing such a despicable thing? I pray you find a solution to your marital problems.

What I have to say is this, if you are sure of your intentions towards the girl in question which in this case is marriage, then you do not have anything to fear. The man is only protecting his daughter from some men who will use her and dump her. If you really love her and see her as the mother of your children then follow what your mum told you and go ahead.

Jonn01:

Thank you

You are most welcome.

My sister the fact that you like and not love him shouldn't impede your marriage. He loves you according to him and what you wrote but you are married, you have also explained things to him which led to him blocking you on all social media outlets. I believe you should be happy that he blocked you because if temptation happens it may affect your marriage. If your husband knows or finds out that you have a male friend, he may not take it lightly with you. Please concentrate on your marriage and don't bother your head about a guy that blocked you.