₦airaland Forum

Klass99:
Both of them should be blamed, but this is one of the consequences of "men are polygamous in nature"

Some of you men no longer know how to respect other men by staying away from their women, all in the name of men are polygamous by nature. I am not absolving the cheating wife either.

@ Topic, this pat fraud shit is not funny and demoralizing as hell. It can cause suicide and murder o!

Why blaming the side guy in this case? Is he supposed to help the wife uphold her marital vows?

If not her ex, it would be another man.

ahnie:
My God,the wife get mind!



Some women Sha!my God people dey oh.
In all honesty,on the day of judgement only 9 women in Nigeria would make heaven.

Me number one.

Nine Nigerian women

Angel Ahnie in charge of the Book of Life.

If he is incompetent to lead due to health issues (baba is an old man), let him step down and Madam Harris takes over.

cayorday89:
This carpenter is not shaking the table, he is only adding more nails to make it solid for it to take all hands that will be on deck. The matter we fight over everyday na still woman and man matter no be say we get another third sex/gender we run to, to cover for the lapses of either of the male or female..

@bold:

Chop kiss

Discussing gender based issues without bringing BOTH parties to the table is a waste of time.

Karleb:
A. When I made my contributions, I did from the point of view of a responsible man and woman doing their very best to make their marriage work.

1. We're talking house chores here, washing diapers is easily related to lifting heavy furniture for example. You can't equate household chores to financial duties.

2. That is just an example, there are many household duties that belongs to either gender.

3. Like I said, some chores are for men only. Fine, women do alot of household chores but it doesn't negate the fact that men still do chores.

3i. I don't expect a woman to work just for her to contribute, I want her to work because their is dignity in labour, I want her to make a career for herself and the idea of a woman sitting at home has never made sense to me.

3ii. A lot of women work and still do house chores successfully, because it's their responsibility to their family. The want their marriage to work.

3iii. If a woman thinks she doesn't need a man because she supports financially and still do chores, then marriage is not for her.

4. I don't Gerrit. I believe I have talked about this in the points above.


Let us stop doing man vs woman abeg.

A. A man providing some bills and moving furniture once a while doesn't look like he is doing his best.

1. Why can't we compare financial duties to house chores? I really want to understand where you are coming from.

2. I would like you to list them for better understanding and prevention of assumptions

3i - iii. You want a woman who has a successful career (not just work), contribute to the finances and do most of the chores in the house. By the way, a woman can have a successful career and still not contribute financially in the home. I hear you that a lot of women do XYZ to 'make their marriages work.' I really hear you. I have heard of women who accept threesomes with their husbands' lovers and do anal sex. A number of women will do anything to make their marriage 'work'.

I guess my question is: Why would a high self-esteemed successful career woman marry a man who can only provide financial provision? What value is this man bringing to the table? I have not read anything valuable the man is bringing into the relationship.

Perhaps I am repeating this question because I do not dabble into unproductive and parasitic relationships. Hence a relationship between a high self-esteemed successful career woman and a man only bringing money to the table is very redundant to me.

How can a marriage thread especially as written by the OP not be men versus women? Should it be men vs goats or women vs tigers?

cayorday89:
You are right but not entirely right, it is not man's mentality alone but also of the female gender, in the form of mothers and even young ladies of your generation, in other words it is a societal decision which some both male and female will adhere to and some others will not go against, the problem now is finding who fits and have the same mindset as you.
Now, how many mothers will not raise eyebrows if they visit their sons and see him doing doing house chores on a regular just to help the wife out, imagine what will be of the wife from the mother-in-law's reaction. HUSBAND IS WILLING BUT YOUR FELLOW WOMAN IS AGAINST IT.
2nd point, some ladies of your generation(can't say your age and generation but you get the point), many of them will carry themselves by going to their boyfriend's house to spend the weekend and the only thing they show to feel accepted is to do house chores willingly in a bid to feel accepted, God help her she visits the family house and she does the little she could do, it is the females in that family house that will still accuse her of not been responsible. FELLOW WOMAN IS ENSLAVING FELLOW WOMAN FOR THEIR SONS AND BROTHERS TO FEEL APPROVED.
Personal experience, in school I lived in a hostel where we have only one female amongst 11 guys and we only have one toilet, this toilet is always clean but she traveled one time and by the third day it was getting dirty, I think I noticed on the fourth day and I washed it, when others came they were just saying I knew it is Kay(me) that washed it. When she came back she also said she knew I was the only one that can wash it, in my house I have never washed toilet before, but my dad does together with my mum and elder sister, a woman came to our house one day and saw my dad washing it, she asked why he was doing that when my mum is at home..
WOMAN QUESTIONING A MAN WHO IS HIGHLY DOMESTICATED.
I am the only son amongst three sisters, but yet I am highly domesticated, can do all what the society called female chores, helps my mum out in her shop which is in front of the house especially when it comes to thorough cleaning, women see me, they compliment me and say my wife will enjoy but not without ending it with, what about your sisters are they not supposed to be the ones doing that.
In all, many men are willing but won't do because their manliness will be questioned by women.

Please pity us and leave this table alone

Karleb:
Let us get off the internet and look at this.

1. Men and women have responsibilities in marriages. You can't equate washing clothes to paying bills.

2. I don't expect my wife to lift heavy furnitures or go out at night to get things, that's my duty.

3. I'm a firm believer that women should contribute financially in the family, no matter how little it might be. No matter how rich I am, my wife's still gonna do her part financially, no matter how broke/rich she is. This is one of the main reasons why I'm against a woman sitting at home doing nothing.

4. Back to the gender based roles, same way you don't expect a man to wash napkins and underwear is the same way you don't expect a woman to lift heavy furnitures.

Not married by the way

Ok, let me do this in theory with you since you are not married.

I do not do internet based discussions

1. Why can't you equate washing plates to paying bills? Or better still: according to your model, what are the roles of men & women in marriage?

2. Ok, how often do you think you would lift heavy furniture or go out at night?

3. Interesting. So let me picture this: you expect your wife to work & earn so she can contribute to the finances (let's say 30% based on your post) and still be responsible for all the chores (especially recurring) in the house. She would probably work same hours you do, contribute say 30% to the running of the home and still do all the chores. (Why doesn't she make the balance 70% and kick you out of the picture Just looking at the best use case for resources).

4. You would wash much more napkins than move furniture (if the man can even do it alone).

Let me wait for your answer to my first question before I ask another one.

Mystoree:
I am not putting chains on her, I forgave her already but that doesn't take out that dark part of our story. If I don't love her, I will not be feeling this bad.

What exactly are your concerns? And what do you want advise on?

@OP:

And?

Doesn't the young grow in his village?

Solosolojohquay:
Yes is reply to your post I forgot to quote you the first time

1. yes am a Christian but I can't be exhibiting some characters or behavior in my marriage that my mum would come visiting and go to church next Sunday and be praying God heal my son and open his eyes ,

2. I remember what the late ajimobi once said he said he used to open car door for his wife any where they go together until they visit his father one day and the man saw him opening the car door for his wife and the father called him and asked him in yoruba are you oko or husband literary means oko is the main thing and husband is mumu

1. Thank you for your honesty. You know what the Bible says about the marital relationship however, you are willing to align with your culture anytime you think Christianity is requesting for more than you can give. I like you have made up your mind not to be a Christian husband. Make it easier by sticking to traditional marriage and telling your girl before hand so she knows what to expect. I don't know how your mom's prayers are supposed to work though. Is God supposed to answer a prayer against His will?

2. SO a man opening the car door for his wife means he is mumu?

Let me ask: What is the use of a husband to a wife who has her own money and can take care of herself? What value are you bringing to the table?

Mummy wa, for starters, there is nothing like 'husband's house' or 'husbands wealth' if the two really cleaved to become one.

Going by the principle that 'one would chase a thousand and two would chase ten thousand', she is correct.

I will reword to say 'the least anyone should be is the way their spouse met them.'

Solosolojohquay:
1. In Africa women are thought to be submissive is not about if the husband work or not a good wife can support the husband for some time till he is stable without outsiders knowing she is the breadwinner

2. my uncle wife is the sole owner of their house it was part of her entitlement at work the money was being removed from her salary but

3. my uncle still command and acted like the landlord and the wife still respect him

I want to assume this is a response to my post:

When I hear 'in Africa' especially relating to marriage, I know it cannot be good news

Submission in marriage is not an African concept; the world all over teaches about submission. It is the meaning of the word that defers depending whose concept you are defining from. According to your definition, submission = doing house chores and allowing the husband to be rude, uncooperative and badly behaved; let me read with that in mind.

1. In line with your definition above, you expect a good African wife to be fine doing the chores while she is the breadwinner. In your earlier post, a husband earned the right to abstain from chores because he is the breadwinner. Luckily, the wife doesn't get that right in the good old African system. Ideally, should 'outsiders' know how the finance in the home is run?

2. Good for your Uncle

3. Your uncle is rude, uncooperative and badly behaved to his wife that is the breadwinner while she is handling all the chores? Interesting.

Are you a Christian?

Solosolojohquay:
The two family I witness the man in lagos is not working while the man in Ibadan is working but both their wives are pompous and arrogant and see themselves as the husband in the marriage this I have notice you cant discuss any significant things with this men is their wives that have the final say is not about love something is wrong some where

@ bold:

You said the bold in the previous post:

Solosolojohquay:
Most of you people are not saying the truth this is Africa and we are not brought up that way a man has his duty and a woman have hers even the man u in Ikeja used Washing machine to wash the clothes while the man in Ibadan uses hand is still boil than to the main thing as a man how can you expect me as the bread winner of the family to do house chores I can clean my rooms sitting room make my environment tidy most

Let's agree a breadwinner (and I hope it is sole breadwinner i.e. your wife doesn't contribute a dime) should not do chores; he is too big. What usefulness of a man who no longer wins bread?

You said the husband at Ikeja is not working yet you have issues with him washing clothes with a machine.

What is your ideal situation for the jobless husband?

@pompous, arrogant, not cooperative: Let's assume it is true. Is your problem the fact that a human being is like this to their spouse (husband/wife) or that wives are that way to their husbands (aka behaving like husbands).

Are you saying it is ok if the husbands were pompous, arrogant and uncooperative?

Kobojunkie:
No dey use God to dey try argue these things at all. We are talking here of the same God who gave many multiple partners to His servants abeg.

God never said He only supports monogamy, no, He never in fact stated that anywhere in scripture. That assumption is of men and entirely of men. As a matter of fact, God's Law leaves marriage open - monogamy, polygamy and polyandry are all included in His definition of marriage. All He stipulates is that the contract be between one man and one woman. So in the case of a man with more than one wife, there exists a separate contract between the man and each wife. Same in the case of a woman and multiple men, there should exist a separate contract between each husband and the one woman in the multi-union/marriage.

The choice of monogamy, polygamy, polyandry, or even a life lived as a Eunuch is left to individuals to chose for themselves.

Reviewing the Bible and how marriage is supposed to work, which model do you think beat meets it?

@OP:
This article has been repeated severally. Is there anything stopping a man or woman interested in polygyny today?

Saintmary:
I don't understand why people who fail at a particular venture love to attack that institution.

Those who fail at academics will attack academics
Those who fail at love will attack and insult the other gender
Those who fail at marriage will attack marriage
Those who fail at money will scream vanity
Those who fail at beauty will attack beautiful people

And on and on and on.

If you have made any errors, instead of turning philosophical, be brave enough to turn things around for yourself, you'll be the better for it.

Peace.

@bold:

Please translate to all the major languages in Nigeria.

tobechi20:
There should never be blame placed on a woman because her husband isn’t getting all the sex he wants. We’re made to feel like we should woman up and just do it already, but who wants to have sex because they feel they should?

Women want to want to be in the mood, too. And hopefully our partners would rather have us be in the mood than just going through the motions to satisfy them. You know what doesn’t put women in the mood? Constantly being told they aren’t as sexual as they used to be, whining, complaining, and dumbass comments about sexual wants and needs in order to function.

Having kids and a job can squeeze every ounce of sexual desire out of us on some days. Not to mention health issues and medications that can mess with a woman’s libido. Being a mom can change our sex drive drastically, because let’s face it, moms are groped more, asked for more, and required to nurture more. Moms are touched the Bleep out.

No one wants to be in a sexless partnership. But no one should be made to feel like they owe their body to anyone. EVER.

It’s more than okay to say no to your partner, and women need to stop being shamed for this. The jokes need to stop, and feeling like we should “just do it” to keep our partner happy is unacceptable.

Married or not, sex still needs to happen between two consenting people, and if she’s not in the mood and doesn’t want to be touched, she’s not consenting and should feel comfortable saying as much without shame or guilt.

End of story.


Scarymummy



https://tobechispeaks./2021/10/27/do-we-owe-our-spouses-sex/

Let me flip the question:

Do husbands 'owe' their wives sex in marriage?

I believe it depends on the type of marriage contracted:

In Christianity, marriage is for the following (in no particular order):
1. Companionship
2. Prevent adultery aka access to godly sex
3. Raise godly children

To ensure number two is achieved, plenty Bible verses talk about husbands and wives sexually satisfying themselves. The key would be 1 Cor 7: 2 - 5:


So yes, husbands and wives owe themselves sex, companionship, support etc.

chatinent:
Happy family dey vex society too.

It actually does.

Strange for a society that claims to like marriage.

Solosolojohquay:
And before you say is true love the man is also the one that wash the 3 month old baby clothes and his wife clothes have you witness this before let's discuss

The man is the wife because he washes their baby & wife's clothes;

Is the woman also the husband because she pays some bills in the house?

Acidosis:
So 3 months after delivery, you would allow your wife do hard labour? If she cleans the house and makes complex meals under intense heat in the kitchen, you would sit your fat arse down to eat? All within 3 months of delivery? Omo. You no get conscience. You want to kill somebody's daughter just cos she got married to you. If we probe further now, your monthly salary may barely be able to afford a good chef yet you want the mother of your child to do 10 people's job 3 months after delivery.

Some of you need to unlearn this act of wickedness you learned from your grandparents. If the wicked government is sensible enough to grant 3 months of paid leave to nursing mothers, why can't you oga?? Someone you're supposed to pamper for like 6 months..! Even if you're the crowned Prince of patriarchy, you should know that your newborn deserves all the attention.

@bold:

Superpower:
I don't know where you got this logic from that womb=woman.Do you realise that there are some women born without a womb.

Did you read my post in context or you just wanted to disagree?

dboY1123:
Good day..
I am preparing to rent the same house that my worker(a lady) just packed in. What attracted me to the house is that, it is neat, affordable(what I can still manage to afford) and big. I am the kind of person that likes being respected and doesn't like familiarity of any kind.
I don't know if moving into the house could bring familiarity with her parent, and herself. Although, she knows her limit, and doesn't do pass herself..should I go on to get the house? Or should I look for other ones(the ones I get are more expensive).

Please note: it is strictly business and there's nothing attached asides she work for me and that's all.

What's your business with your neighbors?

Or am I missing something here?

mariahAngel:
[b]When they want it it's a child, when they don't want it it's termed a "foetus/embryo".[b]

You baby killers should just stay faraway from me, because y'all disgust me!

@bold:

Very hilarious and sad at the same time.

lalasticlala:
Happy birthday to my daughter.

Happy birthday to her. God's grace and blessings upon her life, amen.

folake4u:
Them suppose kill snake for the baby Lala.

IjapaTiroko:
Hypocrisy is the most widely practiced religion in Africa.

African will call masquerades "Devil worship"...... whatever that means, but they celebrate Halloween because it's an oyinbo practice

If this cake was don in Africa, to celebrate an African practice, it's still Africans that will condemn it.....and probably say shits like: It signifies eating human parts for rituals etc.

Dweebs!

It is not hypocrisy though: it is inferiority complex.

@OP:

Nope!

What concerns me with Halloween?

istina:
What does the bible really say about INTERSEX? By this I do not mean TRANSGENDERS who are entirely different set of people . Socrates said ‘the beginning of wisdom is definition of terms’, so for clarity purpose I think it’s best we define both terms.

TRANSGENDER: Someone appearing as, wishing to be considered as, or having undergone surgery to become a member of the opposite sex.
In a nutshell, a Transgender is someone who wishes to be considered as a member of the opposite sex.

INTERSEX: An organism possessing several sex characteristics of both male and female such as chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones or genitals. It is a situation whereby a person is born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit the boxes of ‘female’ or ‘male’. Think of someone with all the female physical appearance but has a penis instead of a vaginal.

One of the major differences between the two classes of people is that while INTERSEX is natural, TRANSGENDER is unnatural.

Having known the difference , the question now is what does the bible say concerning those who were naturally born as INTERSEX . Can they be Christians? Can they make heaven?

Interesting topic.

I believe intersex is a birth defect like people born with four toes, cleft lips, conjoined twins, babies missing an organ/unable to perform a function etc.

Like all defects, they are to be corrected if possible by assigning them the dominant sex:

With womb ------ woman
Without womb ------ man

Justifying transgender, fluid gender & homosexuality with intersex is like creating a movement where people conjoin themselves or cut one of their toes.

Can an intersex make heaven?

Why not?

Since they were born that way, then they have no other requirements than is required of other humans:

Believe in Jesus as your Lord and Personal Savior.

KaluwisxPRO:
Black people has the highest amount of Transgender in the world. Bruce is a millionaire and can afford whatever procedure he wants, hence he went for it. Natural born trans do not, Bruce and your Bobrisky are cross dressers who wishes they were Trans.

Uninformed individuals like you need to go to Vietnam and Thailand to see millions of Transgenders, then come back and tell me they all took medication. Read an actual book Mr

FYI, there are lots and lots of natural born trans in Nigeria, but our society still see them as unnatural being with our I-too-holy-better pass mentality.

How can someone be naturally born a transgender?

Karleb:
Ejiro, you sef fall now.

I bow o!

iamyemiakins:
How many of the soups in the picture below have you tried/tasted?

I have tried six of them:
Okra
Ewedu
Ogbono
Egusi
Ẹ̀fọ́ rírò
Gbegiri

I have eaten & cooked everything except the Hausa one.

tensazangetsu20:
But there are men fathering kids at 80.

Is getting a woman pregnant all there is to fatherhood?

FiverrTutor:
Lol for your mind na achievement abi? Oya clap for yourself... For your information marriage is an achievement to women!!!
Not men!!! You're a man bros!!!

A man is telling you he is happy getting married at 29 (to a good wife) and you are here saying marriage is not an achievement to men.

Did you live with your parents? If yes, do you think your mother added value to your father's life?

If yes, why don't you understand that other men (young and old) are enjoying what your dad did?

wunmi590:
You think every females are like your mother, sister and female relatives who sees prostitution as means to elevate their career