₦airaland Forum

LordReed:
No its conditional, I have to believe or else I go to hell.

You don't escape hell because God loves you; you escape hell because you love God and do His will.

Hathor5:
I can't ask her. She hasn't explained.

For me the difference is clear. I can show up the best I can but I can still formulate conditions under which I will do that, e.g. faithfulness.

Christianity, Islam, Buddism, Ifa worshippers etc. already have a set of principles expected from their followers.

Using Christianity as an example, adultery is a sin (sex outside marriage) so ideally, a Christian husband or wife shouldn't commit adultery. Same with lying, stealing, abuse of all forms, jealousy, laziness etc etc etc.

Therefore, if you are marrying someone of a particular sect, there are already expectations which I assume you call conditions.

@unconditional love: I don't think there can be unconditional love else we would 'fall in love' with anyone. I am more of strategically selecting your mate and giving them your all thereafter.

truthsayer009:
Do you love your neighbor the same way you love your child or your spouse?

Love is love displayed in different forms.

The passage I quoted applies to my family, neighbors, friends etc. within the scope of my relationship/role with them.

Dtruthspeaker:
Tell am O.

Of what use is correction to a person wey hungry when you no give am food?

This post reflects poverty of the mind.

I hope you are just joking around.

truthsayer009:
Quoting bible scriptures out of context, this is not love between a man and a woman (romantic love), this here is the love as defined as loving your neighbor as yourself. Being kind all humans.

1
If I speak in the tongues [1] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

Infact as far as I am concerned, Romantic Love is the least thing that keeps marriages together. If it was about Love, I would have married a long time ago.

And the love between neighbors is different from the love expected between spouses?

Na wa for your brother and his girlfriend

Irrespective of who pays the rent, the siblings have priority over the GF and common sense should the lovers that it is irresponsible for them to colobi the room.

Talk to your brother.

cooooooks:
Poco has a way of painting mature things like this with the best analogies.

Biko, men, run from people who use this western take me as I am philosophy.

Dem full instagram.

That is the new rave in town: self-love and take me as I am

Kondomatic:
@Emboldened, that is selfishness nah.

No partner, even if he or she was specially made in heaven will tolerate their spouses bad character forever. They may ignore them initially(love) and give you time to improve but they will walk away when they get tired(common sense)


@OP, I personally don't believe there's anything like unconditional love and marriage isn't something you go into and stay like that; life generally.

Every sensible person should try to ID their flaws and work on them, keep improving.

Compatibility, unconditional love, these ain't things that make marriage work. Aside the fact that I don't believe in unconditional love, I also don't think there people anywhere that are compatible enough to live happily ever after marriage. That's why Adaptability is always better than compatibility.

Once the little perfections in the very flawed person you married are enough to make you stay with them, the next is to learn to live with them.

Gradually, you'd find yourself liking what they like, finding interest in their activities and hobbies and if they do same to you, the marriage don make sense be that.

People around go think say unah dey compatible.

Nice piece especially on adaptability vs compatibility

I think love is all that is needed to make a marriage work.

Not the feeling of love; love as an action as defined in the Bible. 1 Cor 13: 4 - 7:

NLT version: 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

NKJV version: 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not [a]puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, [b]thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Hathor5:
You and your examples.

But yeah, that's the point. The question is not whether there should be love or no love in a marriage/relationship but the emphasis lies on unconditional. Do we expect the other person to love us unconditionally? The good, the bad and the ugly or are we willing to work on ourselves and try and show them the best of us? The latter requires work and effort.

If both parties love each other 'unconditionally', wouldn't they naturally work to bring out their best for the other party?

Iyaebe:
Best advice ever,it's best to study the flaws of a partner and see if you can cope with him/her than concentrating only on the good side.In marriage love should be secondary, marry who have sense and compatibility should be your top priority. Love will fade if you marry a stupid person and you'll begin to ask yourself if you were hypnotized.

Does love fade?

Hathor5:
Do you agree?

I am watching a series and in one of the episodes a couple goes to see a marriage counselor. She tells them that marriage is not about unconditional love but an agreement to show up the best we can. It is meant to challenge each spouse to bring out the best in them.

How useful is this kind of advice?

According to the counselor, what is the difference between unconditional love and showing up the best you can?

chukwunweikeemi:
It is God's design that sexual activities should take place only between a man and a woman who are legally married.Those who go against his plan will suffer the consequences.Some men lie to themselves that virginity is only for females while men are free to live an immoral lifestyle.The truth remains that no where are men exempted from the call to sexual purity.Men who sleep around are qualified to be described with those same adjectives they use to describe women who sleep around.It is unjust for two persons to engage in sin and then one of them is made to feel like the bigger sinner.I hate double standards.Is it not funny that men go about looking for a woman with little or no body counts while they(men) go about increasing the female body counts by their own sexually reckless lifestyles? Is it not foolish that some men measure masculinity on a scale of sexual immorality and other vices? Would It be wrong to say that men are busy destroying that which they seek and unless they become the change they want to see they will continue to wail for the lack of decent women? Now, I am not in any way saying that my own gender is solely responsible for the moral decadence,instead I want to open their eyes to the roles they have to play in healing our nearly morally bankrupt society.
Let's start by being good men and gradualy everything will fall in place.
God bless.

I 100% agree with what you have said.

I just want to ride on your post to correct a foolish idea that would flood this thread:

'Why should women have a low body count when men are sleeping about' and its variations....

I will say this:

Everyone has the right to state what they want. The onus is on you to decide if the man is worthy of you or not.

If a virgin girl settles for the ajeku of the street, she is only telling us that the man deserves her.

Instead of women to whine about the 'double standards' (enabled by them), they should decide the type of man that deserves them and stick to it.

greenie77:
You can't, for you to even create a thread for it, is an indication you are not even sure of what you are involved in.

I agree.

UndauntedYOCA:
I do not know of relatable popular Nigerians that I could have used. If I did, I'd surely have used them but I'm sure there are people who are younger than their wives and are living happily.
Don't mislead the OP into thinking it's just marriages where the husband is the older ones that work.

I think current Ondo State Governor.

MufasaLion:
That's the easiest to do. They save the contact as a delivery guy or a name that won't raise suspicion. They delete chat right after the conversation has ended. They don't delete call logs because it's gonna raise suspicion sometimes, hence the reason they only delete the call history of their cheating mate.

Their chat are mostly limitless but calls are mostly limited when they are with their spouse. Text messages are not used as medium of communication except if it's encrypted, such as "Ma, your clothes are ready, you can come and collect it later today." This simply means they are meeting that evening for sex, a date, or whatever.

Imagine seeing such text on your wife's phone, would you have thought of something else when the sender is saved as "Tailor Chioma"? Unknown to you as the husband it was a man that sent it.

Seems you have a lot of field experience

All the above for sex? You still need to work out logistics not to be caught, manage your emotions that your state is appropriate for your immediate environment even though you are thinking of the tryst later etc.

Omo, the energy, resource and brain power required would find the cure for HIV

Vision101:
If you marry the right person you will enjoy marriage but if you marry the wrong person you will hate marriage.

Someone up there said that "all the benefits of marriage can be obtained outside marriage" I will say nay, nay and nay.

What deceives both gender is the available sex life outside marriage. It offers them benefits without responsibility. But benefit without responsibility is fake.

Every fake has a time lag. I'm not advocating that it's compulsory that everyone must be married. But make up your mind in time. Take the decision that suits you and carry the cross attached to it.

Very beautiful.

PhilipReigns:
Sorry, I know some people might find this a little offensive. But it has come to my observation, that some big boys (mostly internet fraudsters aka Yahoo or G boys) who live very comfortably have parents and siblings that appear needy, unkept, poor and miserable yet thier sons live large in d city or town where they are and are doing well for themselves. Why? Exactly what's the essence of having money, living large and still watching your dad drive that same old bike he's been driving for the past 16 years or living in the same old house he inherited from his father while you live in Mansion, drives exotic cars and spend recklessly on cars, friends and women.

I don't get it, please someone should enlighten me

Maybe the family wants no part of the cursed money?

Katcall:
1. who is God to you?

2. What prompted you to be a christian?

1. God is God as stated in the Bible.
> That He is the first in the God-Head/Trinity;
> the creator of Heaven & Earth (with other members of the Trinity);
> He is unquestionable and does as He pleases;
> While He is unfathomable, there are principles that can guide as regards interaction/engagement with Him. If you are confused about this point, check the previous point etc. etc.

Because we are in the dispensation of the New Testament, I relate more with the God-Son & God-Spirit personalities of the GodHead.


2. I was born into a Church going family so naturally I was brought up in the Church without the 'religiousity' . When I was 18, I finally made the decision to give my life to Christ (after coming out plenty times) and started to grow small small and graduated from a moral way of life to really thinking if my behavior was benefitting as a child of God. I am still growing, still learning, still renewing my mind as I get new revelation and understanding from the word of God. The lack of religiousity has really helped because I do not waste my time in things I do not believe to look 'righteous'. I like to imagine that if I dabble in some certain activities, God would shake His head laughing that 'my daughter doesn't believe in this crap, why is she wasting her time and mine'? Again, Jesus wants us to worship Him in Spirit and in truth. I am also more interested in the practical application of God's principles in our daily lives than the theory of it.

I hope I answered your questions.

siofra:
Aren't men not emotional according to you people

And are you saying men are so stupid they don't use their common sense?

Warrior14:
I will be getting married in 3 weeks time but I'm not happy
I'm getting married to a man who has beaten me two different times. I'm getting married to a man who is heartless and doesn't know how to love and treat a woman right. I'm getting married to a man who does not have a mind of his own.

I'm getting married but I'm already thinking of divorce.

I'm overwhelmed! I'm physically strong but I'm weak.
Just don't want to wake up from my sleep so I won't have to continue with this marriage plans as I can't stand the shame of calling off the marriage at this time.

Congratulations!

If you are going to be married in the Church, just note that you cannot leave the marriage because that would be mockery of sanctity of Biblical marriage.

This life ehn!

How many games have they lost since they signed Ronaldo on? What was their trend beginning/mid/end of season last year versus now? Did their playing formation change? Comparing season on season, do they have bad seasons and pick up again after the next season etc. etc.

Is that not the first step of the analysis?

Mercychen:
ROFLOL..
The girl be like " abeg allow me collect blessing" hahahahaaa...

Economy is not smiling so you can't really blame her. it was something she did on impulse and Again, it was her first time with you so she wouldn't have known what kind of things you liked and dislike. It's you who will now tell her you don't like such character.

That's one thing I like my ex for. He'll correct you immediately.

I remember the day I visited his new apartment. He now said he wants to treat me to a plate of pepper soup. I said ok no wahala. So I changed into his polo and shorts and we strolled out.

They served me pepper soup. He bought only drinks. Along the line, I just put a piece of meat in his mouth. He took it and was chewing on it while I finished the remaining. Immediately I finished it, he said. Babes, na wa o. You no even know how to play love. See how you just finished the whole plate of pepper soup lol..
So I said, shey I have used one piece of meat to play love with you. he now said, abeg commot jor and we laughed it off.

What am I trying to bring out. Just like me, this girl may not know or think you don't like what she did but like my ex, it's your duty to point it out to her. That's how to have a healthy relationship. I could remember that same night after he corrected me. we got home and made noodles for dinner, I fed him most part of the meal and he was just smiling and nodding in approval. Ive learnt, matter settled.

So don't end that relationship because of a little folly. Rather correct her. Brush her up.
If she then refuses to change, you can hands off.

Thread closed.

Romanoff:
Body count means everything for both genders.

Not everyone wants a public toilet that everyone has used.

My sister

Aka ajeku of Lagos.

It says the importance people attach to it

If they see sex as a spiritual activity and believe in bonding and soul ties, then they know that the amount of sexual partners matter.

Katcall:
madam, whats your philosophy on God and faith?

Philosophy as in?

I would rather direct questions.

How do cheating spouses have such explicit chats with their lovers though?

Crochet:
Last week

What is going on here?

The day I realized I don't revisit the notes; I stopped jotting (Almost a decade now).

I also realized I most likely would not listen to a sermon tape so I don't waste my money to buy. I only listen to pastor Selman on YouTube.

I likewise do not wear my church handbands so do not buy either.

Anything I have realized doesn't suit/work for/add to me, I don't waste my time doing it.

I don't do things for show or as pretence.

Realdeals:
Happiness is a choice, don't allow some artificial rules to determine happiness for you.

See some societal rules and regulations, though established for good intent are not meant for everyone. Instead of creating a caveat that will enable people to understand this, the society will want to force it down the throat of everyone.

Bros, when people like this talk about unhappiness or complain, it is not because of societal rules; it is a discontent from inside.

pocohantas:
Isn’t that the standard? Blame everyone but yourself?

That is why I will continue to commend Linda Ikeji for having that boy. She did what a right thinking woman should do. Not taking postinor 2 at 38.

If you want a child and you can cater for that child, by all means have that child. Even small girls of 21 are having their babies. Then a grown financially independent woman in her late 30s is somewhere asking “hope you didn’t cum inside”.

People must talk. When they are done talking, they will move on. With time they’ll appreciate the decision you took years ago.



I am 43. Not me.




No need for that. Menopause came early.

Any lady past 25 still having sex with a marry she cannot marry is not serious.

Any one that aborts past 28/30 must be dancing to the drums of her village people.

Kobojunkie:
How can they be happy when they were raised by parents like yours to believe they need to have a man in their lives to complete them in some way?

Jesus Christ taught us that God Almighty made created some - male and female alike - Eunuchs from birth, some become Eunuchs in life and others chose to become Eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom of God - Matthew 19 vs 5 - 15

Sadly, some of those who were created Eunuchs are indoctrinated by ignorant parents into believing they are meant to marry and reproduce, setting their life into confusion from their very beginning. It is not mandatory to marry or have companions. This choice ought to be left to individuals to make on their own and in their own time.

God made marital companionship a choice.... no one needs it to be happy,not even in old age. Those who don't have it can still be happy if they desire to be. And those who have it and are not happy can also choose to be happy regardless.

In the beginning, God said it is not good for man to be alone and created the woman.

Singlehood seems fine for men & women till they are older and alone.

@Eunuchs: the primary thing driving them is that they have a higher purpose aka monks, reverend sister's/fathers etc.

They live in a well defined community (family) and are not alone.

They also devote themselves to a greater good e.g. the Mother Theresas of this world.

Everytime singlehood was mentioned in the Bible, it was like the above; devoting yourself solely for the gospel.

The idea of being single to face your 'career' or work or just to flex is strange.

duyox2004:
I hate it. I’m 41, never married, no kids.

I’ve been close…twice. But ended both relationships when they were caught cheating.

I’ve dated several men since then, most older than me, and they seemed to be in no hurry to even be in a committed relationship. Which is crazy to me that these men are mid-40s and still trying to hangout with the guys and party. I met a whole guy group of friends in Houston 2 years ago…all single, all 36–45 years old. They were throwing house parties during the quarantine…parties!! ��

When I was in grade school, I was told to get a degree, don’t get pregnant, just enjoy being single, make friends, keep dating, and the right man will find you.

Now that I have two degrees, traveled the world, developed hobbies, and avoided pregnancy…my doctors are telling me to just be a single mom because I’m running out of eggs as I type this message. �

I beat teenage pregnancy to be considering single motherhood at 41. �

Damn you, parents, counselors, pastors, and everyone who gave me that advice. I can’t get that time (or my eggs) back. I hate being single at this age!! ��

What do you think should have been different in the advise?

I have my thoughts though I want to hear from you.

@eggs: at 41, your eggs are almost depleted and dropped seriously in quality.

If you still want to have kids, either become a single mother via the good old way or buy a sperm.

If you are still looking at marriage, get a egg donor and do IVF after marriage or a surrogate that would donate her eggs + carry the baby to term.

Depends on the definition of abuse:

Some issues are two people fighting with the best weapons they have while other issues are really one party abusing the other.

Even when the abuse is established, it depends if it can be seen (physical, verbal/emotional) or not seen (sexual, financial) etc.

Separation/divorce and enduring an obviously abusive marriage both have very negative impact on kids.

The best option still remains marrying the right person for you.

If per chance you get entangled with an abusive spouse, exhaust all options of resolution and curtailing them before a divorce.

If you are married in the Church, then you need to follow biblical principles for marriage and divorce. That would reduce incidence of abuse hence no need for a divorce.