₦airaland Forum

Pierocash:
A woman can earn more than man in the Western world and there will still be peace in the marriage.

In Nigeria here, a woman doesn't even need to earn more than the man before their ego begins to play out. Nigeria women believe that once they can be financially independent ,they don't need a man so they start acting rebellious and arrogant.

I tell myself,even if she earns more than me,I won't ask her a dime of her money,I will play my role without looking at her purse. By so doing, I will know if she is a supportive wife,or parasitic one

Just extra two minutes reading would let you know the OP said the issue cuts across races.

It is not a black woman or Nigerian woman thing.

Concepts such as 'marrying up', 'hypergamy' etc. are not Nigerian concepts.

Iyaebe:
Well,I'll think about it

In this economy, your wife is refusing to cook with Kerosine stove for two days?

When she can just do potluck if she doesn't want to spend so much time in the kitchen or boil beans or just make yam pottage with vegetables?

She needs to be more empathetic.

Shokoloko:
.

Such a sad tale.

millomaniac:
There is a saying that money can't buy happiness. I used to think that it was a load of crap. But having tasted both sides I can confirm it is so true.

Money is important but you don't really need it to be happy.

@bold:

Absolutely on point.

descarado:
I wouldn't waste time running without looking back.
That marriage is a failure already before it has started.

It's painful.


Always marry whom you are compatible with.
It's not only sexual chemistry.

A failure.

So if his sisters say 'I don't like the soup your sister cooked three years ago', he will come back home frowning

So many advises here sound like African Magic.

Maybe they fantasize about working, fully engaged adults having time to visit families from one state to another or calling up & down.

Even housewives don't have the luxury of time to jump from one place to another.

'She should go and visit, spend two weeks and be cooking soup; she should attend all their events' bla bla bla.

Odiegwu!

Klass99:
Yes to your good wish! It will be awesome to meet a partner who shares the same sentiments.



I am glad you think so.



Your thoughts are appreciated.



Your post was easy to understand.



Thank you, may He bless and keep you too.



Gracias.

Some peeps get palpitations when they see my username.

Even if I say 'the Sky is blue', they will still have issues and link it to endorsing slavery for women.

Counsellor Klass!

pocohantas:
You call,
You remember and send text on their birthdays,
You travel to different states for their occasions.

My dear, you are doing better than 70% of in-laws and I mean, MALE and FEMALE. Anyone that says otherwise is lying.

If they have jobs, they should focus on it and stop waiting for you to be at their beck and call. I haven’t spoken to my sister in-law in almost a month, but any day we see, chat or talk, we are cool. Sometimes she posts on her WhatsApp and I comment. Sometimes I send her cash. I have things to do with my time, not monitoring how many times she calls me in a month. I will do my best to meet her halfway.

This is 2021, y’all should get busy and quit the eye service. If the relationship is seamless, fine. If it isn’t and you smell trouble, please RUN. Women do better in handling their family. If man family no like you, just know he would bend with time. It is up to you.

@bold

I don't have time this morning.

My simple advise to OP:

RUN!

God will give you your man.

Ha!

Thank God for your life

Ki eyan ma soo re daran.

Klass99:
I am curious Mufasa, have you ever enjoyed sex with a reluctant and unwilling partner? Answer truthfully o!

@ Tobechi, you made valid points but so did Tickles001.

My personal ideology of marriage has always been two adults taking good care of each other. And that means in every way possible - sexually, financially, emotionally, physically and otherwise.

In marriage, I believe our bodies belong to each other, it's about giving and receiving care, being there for the other person even when you don't feel like it, but they need you.

We owe each other sex, as well as respect, intimacy and more.....If I am tired and not in the mood, I will simply tell my man, I'm tired so bear with me if I don't bring my A Game to this show or I am not an active and enthusiastic participant tonight.

I won't say no or deny him the cookie, because when he flips that script on me I am sure I won't like it or find it funny.

Maybe your post would be easier than mine to understand.

If you want to have right to your time, money, body, resources etc. be single.

tomtomastom4:
In all ramification, the girl is good.

I just don't knw why she decided to act like this.

Please tell us her good qualities since you insist she is good.

Your story so far highlights only the bad qualities.

Favfables1:
Involve her
Won't she run down his business with this kind of mentality
And besides sef...
It's not smart to do business with a friend or family!!! Leave business for business partners and friendship for friends!!

If she had a high financial IQ, she won't request for a 25k gown when the debt she incurred has not been paid

@bold:

Very correct.

Iyaebe:
He's still saying the girl is good, look for an understanding partner, both of you ain't compatible.

Sinensis:
lol you think they are Nigerians who are always hungry

In addition to hungry, very greedy.

RoyalBoutique:
They don't think like Nigerians.

You keep forgetting that.

Biglittlelois:
Op is being mischievous here, you didn't state the clause attached

Icardi saved his marriage from divorce cos she would have gotten 95% of everything he owned, he signed off on it for them to remained married till 2050 when they can divorce and share everything equally, he wanted the divorce, not her.

Why is she entitled to 95%?

gstelly:

Yes na, pounded yam for the win

BabaIbo:
This post is for intending grooms.

I made this post because it was one of the major reasons I parted with my ex(it was a serious relationship) few years ago, then I wasn't financially stable as I am now, so my decision was inline with my capability then. She told me she won't move in with me unless I do church wedding even after the trad. and she was serious about it. She wasn't ready to reason with me.

Considering the fact that majority of the men( those within the marriageable age range and above but are not financially stable enough to run everything at once) have the plan of doing the white wedding first, later on do the church wedding when they are more financially stable.

This led me to running a check recently and I find out that in some homes or families, they don't allow their daughters to move in with their husbands even after the men have paid their bride prices, until the church(or white) wedding has been done.

Dear single men, what do you think about this?
Can you cope with it until you're ready for your church wedding?

To the married ones, did you experience this?
How were you able to handle it?

MODs, please do the needful.

If the both of you couldn't come to a compromise because of 'Church wedding', you made the right decision to break up.

You do not fit each other.

Righteousness2:
She was Absolutely right! That is How it is meant to be.

That is Exactly what happened for my sisters.
We are Belivers in Christ and until you are wedded before the Body of Christ you don't have a Complete Marriage.

These things are known right from the introduction.

@bold:

It is not Biblical.

There is nowhere in the old or new testament that marriages were conducted in the Church.

Paying of bride price is the real marriage. That's why most serious churches would not join you until you have paid the bride price or fulfilled the traditional requirement of marriage.

I have not said Church Marriage is wrong; it is just additional ceremony.

Funnily, some churches that issue legal certificate would not wed you if you go to the court for civil marriage.

thorpido:
Maybe you should marry both men and everyone is happy.

Case closed

Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice

All of you are all jokers Trust me, a worse choice of word is playing in my head.

1. You: a married man asks you out and you say no. Shouldn't common sense tell you to run away from him? No, you become bestie and following him to the market and all sorts. Because of the monetary gains, someone you have no blood ties with becomes big brother.

2. Your family: they are a very very very greedy lot who obviously lack integrity and virtue.

3. Uncle Isonu Animasahun Alagbere: You left your wife and kids to be forming bestie with a small girl. A part of me hopes you lose your job and family since you have refused to have sense

4. Brother Oko Iyawo: May God open your eyes to see that you are a side boo to your wife to be. She is still offering emotional healing to uncle onisekuse.

emmyN:
What you are feeling is guilt. You led him on for four good years and now you want to drop him hot. You know what you did and it's just evil. He asked you out, why wouldn't you marry him? At least he didn't hide the fact he already had a wife. You could have accepted his proposal from the outset and all of this wouldn't have happened. It would have been a journey of marital bliss for you all. But alas, the one man one wife hogwash blinded you from rational thinking.

Accepted what proposal?

I don't know the context the pastor is coming from however:

If you are copying someone, biko, acknowledge the person/system/source, reference them, thank them.

Don't lift/copy and paste like it's your brain child; that is stealing.

1Sharon:
Fulfilled the angry black women stereotype. MASCULINE energy

Defo a single mother doing care work.

Let me laugh at this post and keep the reasons to myself.

kamtamark:
Please pardon my English. Is one years now that my sister introduced a boy to me as her boyfriend, since then I have gone to their place several times to separate fight and it seems it is getting worst but they don't want to end the relationship.

I warned my sister never to near the boy. To my surprise I will see the two of them again and my sister will say everything is now ok.

Please what legal action can I take to separate the two of them?

What about your parents? Elders in the family? Church/mosque/community leaders?

Since your sister is not listening to you, report her to any of the above.

God forbid she dies, sustains am irreparable injury or kills the dude, all this English we are speaking would disappear and you would realize that your sibling's welfare (when you are in the know) is your business.

bergs2:
Sometimes we display astronomical ignorance simply because of clout.
You are here attacking an effect of and action leaving the cause. Tueh!!!

Attacking the effect of actions instead of the cause is a past time here.

Advicing on what a person can do to be less 'attractive' as a victim is called 'victim shaming'.

@OP: Such a sad development and I agree with the woman who said they are very greedy.

You claim to steal because of hunger yet it doesn't occur to you that the person you are stealing from is also hungry.

I pray things would get better; there is hunger everywhere. Some are just more contained than others.

He is totally entitled to his choice of women as long as the women his choice deem him worthy.

Looks good in theory.

It would be highly dependent on the kind of service/product you are offering.

If for instance, you are offering a 24*7 service/ access to your product, I don't see how you would not work outside traditional work hours.

PremierOla:
To an extent, you spoke like an HR person

I am not in HR.

If you get me a job there, I wouldn't mind sha

Very dicey.

Tunde might not get promoted (to a senior role) in future because he doesn't have the ability to coordinate his home properly.

If I were Tunde, I would apologize to my boss and report my wife to her parents since she wants to be crazy.

If I were the boss, I would first call the security to walk her out and give them a formal warning never to let anyone in without express permission.
Thereafter, give Tunde a verbal/written warning to ensure he contains his domestic problems.

descarado:
Hello buka,

Watch this turkish series on YouTube. It's long series but you will love it.
Aired like 5 yrs ago but still the best turkish romcom.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCz0ru_-KrY.
Have watched it twice. Quite unlike me.
Just click the link.

Will try it tonight.

Thanks