₦airaland Forum

armyofone:
Personally my take is - in such situation, you stick with the person but maybe no be bean - oh well!

I think the lady bears the risks - so they should say no to unprotected sex.

liberalchick:
A fact is not a personal whim.

Moral codes are guiding principles of an individual or individuals that share upbringing, religion etc.

The moral code of a Muslim is different from that of a Christian and totally unrelated with an atheist.

It’s really not that hard of a concept to understand. You’re conflating morals with ethics which is a set of morals, codes on what is right or wrong for the society.

There is nothing like a universal code that encourages sex before or after marriage. Morals are principles created and adhered to by individuals.

Your religion made “no sex before marriage” a guiding principle for YOU (which you didn’t even adhere to) but it’s not the same for everybody not even for some that share same religion with you. Lol I’ve tried I don’t know how else to explain the subjectivity of morals and the pitfalls of imposing your personal morals on a stranger.

armyofone:
Shocked me too! Would have been better to hear he is with the same person today.

Wishing that "ex" well wherever she is.
mehn!!

liberalchick:
Based on this thread and the OP it’’s safe to say “no sex before marriage” is the personal moral code of a very few in Nigeria which does not include you.

Ariza:
If this is the case then why is no one really investigating on the cause and get to the Root of this. You know I so find Most Nigerians very shallow and hypocritical. If married woman engage in abortion more then how such women can condemn same act in others beats my imagination. Selective morality at work again isn't it?. Are they not endangering their lives too? Aren't they commiting murder too? Aren't they supposed to take responsibility of their sexual lives, calculate their flows, "get educated about their system" to avoid pregnancy like I'm read some ladies instruct on this thread. Lol But then Na single ladies enter trouble for 9ja.

That's not even where I'm going, My issue is why aren't women seeing the need to involve men in birth control. Why do they exclude men or Male child from sex education and taking responsibility? Why are Men not taught how to keep their bodies too?
Now this isn't feminism or equality reasoning it's just how any sane individual will reason. So far with all the morals and fear we all try to instill in the female child look at where it got us. When a society makes a specific gender the moral keeper and allow the other to live freely, then it is only a matter of time before morality is destroyed. It is either the free one corrupt the morally trained one or the latter lose strength or willingness to keep up. We create a fence and also create erosion in the same society and we expect flood free environment. We be jokers ! Bunch of jokers! .

Men should be held responsible for pregnancy just as women. It takes two to tangle, ovary and sperm to for embryo. You can't blame just one gender because she's the carrier. Then sex education and abstainance should be inculcated in both genders.

sassysure:
But I never said we will only teach our daughter
We will teach all of them BUT more puking the ear for our daughters.

Our society is shit. A guy on the first page here said a babe almost died when they did concoction abortion and ended up taking her to hospital. Now he is married to another babe. Why didn't he marry her?

That guy who gave you belle, and u did abortion with his knowledge will not marry you.
Babes don't let guys know they did it, else, end of love.
If a guy will not marry you after making you do it, then why will you allow yourself get pregnant in the first place.
Love is never blind o.
Shine your eye.
Unless u believe in juju

Acidosis:
Lol. The thing shock me my sister

sassysure:
Abeg, show me the link to that thread. Seems this is the continuation from it.

sassysure:
I have answered that already na.
But let me say it again.
I will teach them, their dad will teach them but as for my daughter double,triple teaching
I don't want story at all.

At the end, it's all left to them but at least I did my best to educate them.
Maybe you live outside naija.
In this obodo naijiria, na sense o.

pmoye:
Actually it was that other thread that you alluded to that made me start this. After reading that the lady had aborted severally for that irresponsible man (irresponsible even at 29) I kept wondering what she would have gained if any of the abortion had gone the wrong way. And to think that a woman would so submit her body to be toiled with at will to a man never ceases to surprise. I think we have established the fact that men having unprotected sex when we are not ready to be father is irresponsible and we have courts and social instruments to make the man own his responsibility in such a situation... Even then there are men who are unable to stand up to their bukata in such situation.

Take that other post for instance, getting pregnant for a man who cannot even fend for himself, the shame of a man who still lives on his father's hand-outs, must be a nasty experience for a mother-to-be.

But then all that will not remove the fact that the morbidity and mortality associated with getting pregnant (planned or not) belongs exclusively to a woman, and because of that alone the woman should have the final say when it comes to getting pregnant (planned or not).

cococandy:
Morality is about doing good and evil, right and wrong.
There’s nothing inherently good or evil about sex.
It’s just like food. A Physiological need/want.

cococandy:
You’re trying to use analogies to drive a point home that I already stated to you that I got. Not necessary.

The only thing I wanted to verify is why it’s so controversial to include men in the topic of prevention.

Acidosis:
I hope you didn't marry a virgin though?

cococandy:
1) Asking a man to participate in birth control is not female victimhood. I can’t see how you got to that conclusion

2) The man is not protecting the woman alone by participating. He’s protecting himself also. They are protecting each other. Because sensibly, two step protection is better than one

3) you almost sound like you have something against sexual liberation.

@bold, I have the answer to my question which you tried to respond cheekily to earlier which is “should men also practice responsibility to prevent unwanted pregnancies?”. I’m guessing your response is no.

liberalchick:
I just want to quickly correct a misconception about ‘morals’.

Morals are subjective and personal.

“No sex before marriage” is a personal moral of some that isn’t true for ALL. A subjective moral shouldn’t be imposed on all.

cococandy:
I’m QUITE SURE you understand I meant pregnancy prevention. Not pregnancy itself and abortions.

But I’ll accept your response as non-facetious.

Now that it’s been established that both sides would benefit from being careful about preventing unwanted pregnancies (ergo reducing abortions), why are the posts encouraging the OP to broaden his Teachings judgement, not acceptable here?

Again, before the argument of “women suffer more” arises, let me state that I recognize that.

However, how would it hurt anyone if both men and women take actions to prevent such pregnancies?

Again, not saying women should leave it to men. Y’all know I dislike being deliberately misinterpreted hence the repetitions. Why does the statement that men need to be included in this conversation create controversy?

Hathor5:
Stop derailing to distract from the poor arguments you are putting forth here.

A few lines were enough to addressed your lack of logical reasoning.

No long epistle needed.

sassysure:
Babe, seriously or is this for pun
If he don't want a child, he should wear a condom.

Common.

Haba

sassysure:
Seriously
I didn't see that.
It's well.

Hathor5:
The pregnancy is hers, the child is theirs.

If he doesn't want a child, he should wear a condom. Thanks for helping me make my point.



Don't be smart by half.

Hathor5:
Or will talk about the individual responsibility for the collective good but exempt 50% of the population from this responsibility and think we are righteous when we justify immoral behavior in the name of 'someone else will suffer greater consequences".

cococandy:
I don’t think anyone here says women shouldn’t be responsible or careful. Quote the post that says women should leave the responsibility to men alone and I’ll educate the person. I have a few words for them.

Now my question to you is this? Should men also be careful about this issue? A simple yes or no would suffice.

No need to to use many words when maybe everyone’s points summarized might actually come to be the same or similar.

Jezking:
Hello, please I have a friend with a problem and need your help urgently.

Hey bro, it has happened again. Dad tried to beat mum again today and I stood up to him for the first time. I told him if he tried it that I would deal with him, he was in shock at first, then he told me to do my worst and continued beating mom. I then looked and saw a hammer, then I took it and threatened to hit him with it, but he ignored me completely.

I then came closer to him and he didn't flinch, then I actually hit him. He fainted briefly and after waking up, he has been threatening me that he'll call police by the time he fully recovers. He said he can't raise a tiger in his house. If I'm a tiger then what is he?

He might take a few days to recover, he has a serious injury to the head (bandaged and sewn up by my mum, she is a nurse) and currently under drip. I actually didn't mean to hit him, I just wanted him to stop hitting mum. Mum says I should apologise but I can't, because the truth is I'm not sorry. I feel like if I apologise, he is going to do it again.

Please what should I do? Should I run away from my father's house? I'm only 16 and I don't know how to live in the streets and don't have any friends here either since we only moved in shortly before the lockdown.
My friend please help me...

P.S: Rather that troll, just jejely scroll and pass; nevertheless, I need your honest opinions. He is following this thread so please be responsible, he's just 16.

sassysure:
This is supposed to be very educative thread but it's now wwf. That was why I made that first lengthy post thinking we can expatriate it to educate ourselves. Phew.

jeremiahjohn:
next person, i think this one is not making sense at all. how did u know he is guilty?

liberalchick:
I didn’t say he was guilty. Acting like a guilty person and being guilty are two different things.

I would have agreed with you if he had attempted to clear his name.

If you really operated on the bolded you would have been outraged at Dbanj’s antics. He’s not trying to prove he is innocent. He actually did the opposite he tried to manipulate the “innocent until proven guilty” ethos, that’s why I am outraged, why aren’t you?

Sterope:
Exactly, the stakes are higher for us. Why should we insist on making poor choices?

Sterope:
Childbirth places women at a disadvantage, so why would you choose not to be selfish with your body despite all the options available? The least the man can be forced to do, is pay monthly child support.

pocohantas:
My point exactly, we wouldn’t need to IMPOSE financial/emotional support on anyone, if both parents understand it is the right thing to do.

All this chuchuchu, is because people marry/date someone that is “insensible”.