Acidosis: Work your on specs. Be more flexible and compromise on certain attributes like age. But na beg I dey beg, don't compromise your position and views about closet feminists, especially those that take divorce as a new normal. They will ruin your life. They certainly don't share the same views with you in terms of marriage and family structure.
You may also want to look beyond the individual. Look at the family as a whole, her sisters, her brothers, etc. Are they prostitutes, thugs, and yahoo boys? Look at her social medià activities and those of her family or friends. Are these things in alignment with your goal? So many factors can influence your view about someone you haven't spent a significant amount of time with.
Gbam!
You see that belief of easy entry and exit of marriage?
J111333: The situation you are in right now is very tough, so I say welcome aboard the long flight. You messed up big time by travelling at 32 with no engaged woman or wife back home. People I know that are in your situation mostly travelled out in their early 20s.
Well, you can meet your dream woman anywhere including here in nairaland, just open your eyes.
The worst mistake you will make is marrying a village girl in Nigeria and taking her to the States hoping to have a blissful marriage. It's better to go to ashawo joint and marry one rather than marrying a supposedly humble village wife...na one elderly naija man wey don see nwii for his marriage made that statement. I understand that Naija men too get their own wahala because some of them want slaves and not wives but that's a story for another day.
So since you have missed the girls you once knew and trusted, I'll suggest you start with what I call blind relationship and make it real. Love with your heart first and later with your eyes, you'll be safer that way. Your heart can never deceive you but your eyes will.
Flesh and blood did not reveal this to you.
For someone planning to really get married, please sort yourself out before traveling.
supremenews: Marital rape exists, I have experienced it- Victoria Inyama counters Anita Joseph (video)
Nollywood actress, Victoria Inyama, has countered the opinion of her colleague, Anita Joseph, who over the weekend faulted statement made by some married women that their husbands raped them when they weren't in the mood for sex.
Anita in a video made with her husband argued that a woman cannot claim her husband raped her if he had sex with her when she wasn't in the mood. She opined that the body of a woman is the food of her husband and should be made available whenever he needs to feed on it.
Reacting to Anita's video, Victoria said there indeed is a thing called Marital rape and that many married women have experienced and are still experiencing it. She said sex even in marriage should be with consent. She argued that forcefully having sex with a spouse is another act of domestic violence.
She said she has experienced marital rape and that it leaves so many women damaged.
Can a husband rape? Yes a husband can rape his spouse. It depends. Let me define it. Marital rape or spousal rape is the act of sexual intercourse with ones spouse without the spouse's consent. The lack of consent is essential here because it does not need to involve physical violence. Marital rape is a form of domestic violence and sexual abuse.
Husbands can rape wife. I do not know about wife raping a husband. The most important thing is consent is needed. A lot of women constantly raped in their marriage. They are so ashamed to even talk about it. I have experienced it and I am learning about it. The trauma and the damage it causes is beyond your understanding'' she said
If you have defined marital/spousal rape as 'the act of sexual intercourse with ones spouse without the spouse's consent', how then can you say you don't know about a wife raping her husband?
CrimeBuster: According to a confirm information from one of the affected engineers who pleaded not to be mentioned. One of the Chinese contractors (name withheld) working inside the Dangote Refineries has sacked all black engineers working with them.
They said the order was from the headquarters in China that all black engineers should be disengaged due to the fear of spreading Coronavirus.
The question now is can this kind of treatment be allowed in their country?
If blacks can't work due to Covid 19, Chinese also should not be allowed to work.
This is injustice and racism on our soil.
We call on all concerned authorities to look into this wicked act.
It is shameful that successive Nigerian governments let foreign employers and bosses in Nigeria maltreat Nigerians.
Iytech: This is very emotional and many women are guilty of this emotional torture. Please read slowly
MY DEAR WIFE, I want to let you know how I feel about our sex life, and how it affects me negatively.
Most of the time you complain about me becoming angry too easily, what you don't know is that my anger most of the time is not about what got me angry, but about the way you are handling our sex life.
You always think you are doing me a favour be allowing me sleep with you.
The way you normally reject me, affect me, my ego, my manhood, my leadership and this is , because you reject me in an annoying way.
Before I got married to you, I had the dream of having an unfettered access to sex after wedding that is why I kept myself for you till our wedding night.
I enjoyed the best of you during our honeymoon and few months after, things fell apart and the center could not hold.
Now our bedroom life has become dry, drab and uninteresting. This is putting more pressure on me , with tension of lust, passion and immorality starring at me in the face .
I must confess to you, I now struggle daily to overcome sexual sins, something that was not happening to me even as a single.
During the last 3yrs, I have attempted to make love to you 600times and I succeeded only 62times, this is an average of once in 10 attempts.
These are the complaints you make that have been a road block on my way to a romantic living.
-We will wake out neighbors 64 times -The children will hear 35 times -The bed is making noise 29times -Placing the baby on your chest 25 times -It is too hot 30 times -I don't want to be pregnant 22 times -Pretending to be asleep 43 times -Your mother will hear us 11 times -Having new hair pains 37 times -It is too late in the night 32 times -I am too tired 85 times -Am Menstrating 36 times -Not in the mood 39 times -Tomorrow is Sunday, I will be on duty in the church 12 times -Sore tooth 5 times -you are too heavy 23 times -Have to go to the bathroom 15 times -It is not food, at least you did one last week 10 times -General Overseer (G.O) said we must fast next week 1 time -Pastor said there will be holy communion tomorrow 5 times -Tomorrow is Sunday, the day of the lord 5 times -People are coming for house fellowship in our house 5 times.
The 62 times I did succeed, the result was not always satisfying because of your behavior.you will start by ordering me around :
-Switch off the light -Close the window -The door is not properly lock, close it -Put fan in number 5 -Lay the bed very well -Take your bath and use a perfume etc.
Are the orders you normally give, like a commander of the army, poor me! I have to obey you, else no show for me, that night. Even when you agree I don't always enjoy myself because of the way you normally react.
-Do what you want to do let me sleep-15 times -You just lay there as if you are not on bed with me-12 times -Your face looks sad and gloomy like somebody mourning-11 times -I have to wake you up to tell you I had finished-9 times -You quickly got up from bed and rushed to the bathroom-10 times -I thought I hurt you because you were just shouting and complaining throughout-7 times
For our marriage to be better, I think you need to improve and make me happy and remember that sex is one of your major duties as a wife , without which peace may find it difficult to reign in the home.
If only we can look at this issue logically and see that like Uwa's case, it is a murder case.
This is not a 'no to rape' situation; it is knowing if there is something more sinister going on like rituals, murder to cover up shameful deeds, liaisons gone awry, pastors/church members trying to be funny etc.
God comfort her family and all those who would be affected by her loss.
NobleAngell: My issue right now is not with the man. So the girls still remained in the house afterthe first time. In fact, that they allowed you to succeed the first time is my greatest confusion. Are they cursed?
aeion: Gendered-based double standards will always persist, as they're impossible to eradicate. Men aren't solely on the receiving end because there exist many that don't favour women.
Maybe everyone should learn this and stop fighting nonsense.
'Why do men get to do this'?, 'Why do women enjoy this privilege'?
The world itself is not 'equal': that's why two eggs would be fertilized same day and one would be born to Dangote and another to a IDP.
However, I believe everyone can live their best life if they understand their unique advantage, leverage and position.
What a man might get by brawns, a woman might get with warmth: What an Hausa might get with instilling fear, a Yoruba might get with diplomacy etc etc.
ibkayee: In essence, you're saying that if a woman can see that it is inappropriate for a minor to dress like this because she's being sexualized, why can't they see that it is also wrong for a grown adult (who is more developed than a minor in every aspect..........) to dress like this. Lol this parallel you're trying to force out doesn't make sense, it's a question of what's age-appropriate, not 'virtue'.
I don't know if you're saying indecent dressing is the cause of rape, but it sounds like you're putting much of the onus on the victim. An adult has the right to wear whatever she wants, dressing isn't license to rape or assault. Your Bible tells you to be angry but not sin, use that same 'logic' here also, it's normal to be attracted, but that doesn't give anyone license to rape. Rapists are also attracted to newborn babies, grandmas, goats, women in hijabs, women in 'conservative' attire from historical days of old since you people have been raping since time immemorial, the rapist himself is the common thing here, but I get that using indecent dressing is always a convenient excuse for some of you.
Would you leave your purse full of cash hanging from your bag or announce to all your neighbors that you were just paid?
Would you leave your diamond necklace on while walking in a market or a dangerous area?
IF you would guard your worldly goods which can be replaced, why would you make yourself attractive as a victim to rapists by dressing indecently?
As sad as it sounds, neither you nor I can control the actions or in actions of people. They would be punished, however I rather NOT place myself as a potential victim in the first place.
Someone who has been raped, cannot be unraped even if the rapist was killed. The damage has been done irrespective of the fate of the rapist.
Yes, I know there are a number of victims who unfortunately were on their own.
LewsTherin: My wife and I go shopping together. In the early days when we always had to go to the local market , is it wierd that we never got any negative reception from the market women? They tended to give my wife more respect and whenever I had to go alone, I was generally fetted over.
So I take exception to your comment that the market woman
@bold:
We used to go to the local market together when we just got married.
Lasted a few weeks: he was seriously cramping my style.
We still do monthly grocery shopping together and he has given up on my style.
Oluromantic: Since the time of separated languages when building the tower of Babel, culture all over the world has lost its fair balance. Only that the cultures of the most advanced Nations seem to have more believers in them by virtue of their advancement... I'm talking about the western culture. And for the fact that Nigeria gained independence from one of those countries, they're enslaved to their culture too. China, India for example would not yield their cultures to western. I see no reason why one gender shd be favored beyond the other in culture's name. The best precepts to follow for a balance in gender is that given by God in the bible/Quaran.
Ariza: This is telling women not to work at all because if only everyone is destined to make it at the same time same place, same way and equal measures will your suggestion be achievable. Some things aren't set in stones and SUCCESS is one of it. Even if a woman search for a man who "wants" to go further how sure is she that he will go further or do that that before her.
And , There is a difference between a submissive woman and coherced submissive Woman. If a woman is submissive for a reason, it is a disaster waiting to happen because the day that 'reason' is found wanting the submission disappears. Unfortunately that's what is happening these days. Most women like you suggest only submit because their husbands have more materially. That's why people with Op's mentality exist .
I believe women should be encouraged to stand and live on their own, pay their bills and aquire whatever properties and Men should go for such Women. Only when two are equal or at least equal in their own eyes can there be genuine love. Both in a society where Men would rather look for substandard women to refine and love , where Women will rather paint face and look beautiful expecting their Lords , there may never be True Love or Submission.
'Nigerian' marriages summed up in eight words.
That is why there is plotting and counter plotting to outdo themselves.
Family › Re: Advise Needed For A Young Man About Marriage. by bukatyne(f): 10:27am On Jun 16, 2020
