₦airaland Forum

poshestmina:
I have never gone to fill gas for once since I got married.
I only report once it's empty

God bless all supporting husbands .l

Amen.

I have actually never filled a gas cylinder in my life.

And God willing, I never would.

Amen.

A man will seat down and wait for his wife to fill the gas cylinder?

Wetin Musa no go see for gate?

Uncle Deji worked 20 years for his life savings and declared it immediately he came? To friends he had not seen in 20 years?

We need to confirm the work he was doing.

He is lucky God sent an helper to him in time.

Ybaby:
So sorry! Did we have a conversation - I cannot remember you or the conversation....

Either way they will call you! Please donot impregnant anyone while you wait.

You this woman

Let's hope he has not impregnanted the person already

Romangalactic:
The ability to do that is a gift, not a trait, meaning very few people are blessed with it.

In agreement with your second paragraph

So I have learnt.

angelfallz:
i have no idea what you mean with your points, if you can, please explain
as for your number 4, women generally, worldwide are taught to revel in victimhood.

I almost missed this:

Please see explanation below:

1. Baby heads/leaders: husbands who are babylike in a negative way; don't lead by example, don't understand sacrifice or strength of character, wants everything to revolve around their needs and/or wants, do not understand the concept of responsibility, want everyone to pamper them, are only there for fair weather, have short memories etc.

2. Financial sperm donors: fathers/husbands who are only financially responsible in the home. They provide no morals, teaching, encouragement, discipline, mentorship, protection, spiritual guidance etc.

3. Wives unwilling to take responsibility for their choices: This is clear. A woman choosing the wrong man or unwilling to face the consequences of their actions etc.

4. Wives who revel in victimhood: Closely tied to 3. Because they do not take responsibility for their choices, they paint themselves as victims when the consequences of their actions/ inactions comes calling.

A prime example:

When God came to the Garden after Adam & Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit ( i would use apple hence forth, shorter), watch the scene that played out:

Adam said: It was the woman you gave me. He did not question God's gift of the woman when they were probably running around the garden playing hide and seek; That was lack of responsbility and leadership. He should have reminded Eve of God's command and not eat the apple.

Eve said: It was the serpent. O poor Eve! One would think the serpent forced her to eat the apple or wrapped it inside watermelon so she did not know it was the apple. Eve had a lengthy conversation with the serpent before agreeing to eat the apple which she confirmed was good. This was classic victim mentality at play.

AuroraB:
This!
How could she be okay with moving on with him when this issue is there? Did she suggest a paternity test and he refused? I don't understand the 'liver' to get married to a man who you cheated on, to his knowledge and bore a child from the fling

My sister, people chop liver pass satan himself.

Palema007:
You don't have to be combative when people point out errors in your reasoning. You can't know it all, be humble enough to learn. You don't have to be right all the time.

Yes you can only watch (expect to be surprised) pray (seek guidance from God who sees it all) and be wise ( be ready to adapt or confront situation). Like I typed earlier you don't know it all. My last response to you on this.

I have updated my post.

If you did not want a feedback, you should have done the usual NL way and said some people or leave my moniker out of your post.

And what make your reasoning the right one? Or mine wrong?

To Jennifer Lopez, singing on key is knowing the key and singing beautifully;

To bukatyne, singing on key is a miracle yet to happen.

Is J-Lo's perspective in this case wrong? Or wouldn't it be strange to J-Lo if I kept telling her that singing on key is impossible because I can't do it?

I have spoken of my experience with several people so it is possible for me and my reality. I have read enough posts to see that some people can't see what I can and I have decided it must be a gift and I am grateful for it.

Checked the moniker again and just registered today.

Hmmmm

Palema007:
When I saw a response from Bukatyne to Mariangles on a thread saying it is a lazy man's thinking to believe the phrase "People change" ,she went on and on to emphasize on "how it is important and possible to know all of a person especially when it comes to dating. I knew she never experienced some aspect of LIFE. My problem isn't about importance of knowing who one is dealing with. My problem is the possibility, How possible is it to know all about a person.
But the question is: Do you as a person know all about you? If yes why do we claim to do things unintentionally, why do you hear phrases like " had I know" , "I don't know what came over me" " She made me believe in myself" , "I didn't know I could achieve that" ... etc. These sentences shows the limitation of human knowledge of themselves. Now how anyone would expect another being to know all about another to the extent of predicting them or actions they are capable of rightly all the time beats my imagination.

People change, People revolve! It isn't a lazy man's thinking or anything. It is just the fact of life. You can only know what a person let you know or is careless enough to reveal. A lot of things can cause people to change Money, Fame, wealth, poverty, other people's attitude etc. We aren't made static to continue a pattern, sometimes people can decide to handle some things differently.

Now I'm not saying it isn't good to know your partner but saying you must know ALL a person is capable of before going into relationship with him or her is unachievable and always making this the reason behind every relationship failure is just totally unthinkable. Just watch, pray and be wise.

If you want to quote me, it would be appreciated if you quote me properly.

Ending your sermon with watch, pray and be wise isn't necessary if you believe people change, people evolve so we can't know them.

I have even accepted maybe it is my gift some posts back.

Some people can discern others, some can't. I hear you.

And NL is wide enough, everyone should type what they believe in biko.

truthsayer009:
For Infidelity Yes, not for financial aspect though, because Married men cheat too much, that is why.

We are talking about Finance here, what steps should a Man take to act like a leader exactly?

Patriarchy & women's subordination is the order of the day, this is how Nigerian men show leadership, they want to control your life, where you go, what you eat, friends you keep.

Women have to pick a struggle, freedom with a Rich man is not free.

What's wrong with Patriarchy? (not the Nigerian version)

Romangalactic:
Is emotional healthiness written on faces?

Most will always seem normal on the surface, but probe deeper and u see how a string of failed relationships have messed them up

If you are a true leader by example, you will weed cray cray a lot.

Personally, I like young relationships before both sexes have fragmented souls through multiple sex partners and have become hardened and stiff.

Klass99:
Well noted.

But please note also that people do change.

Only a stupid woman will see a seriously flawed man and marry him. A very stupid woman

I have updated my response.

Some flaws are serious, some would manifest later.

Every flaw has a trace.

Like I said, maybe it is a gift.

Once I have studied someone long enough, nothing the person does moves me.

I have seen the traces before.

efosky1246:
I could. It's just time.

Women need to be educated on qualities they should look out for in a man. Failure to choose right on the part of the woman coupled with irresponsible men is the foremost reason for dysfunctional relationships today.

@Klass99

Note the bold.

And if you think because a man is a Church member or religious or even a pastor means he is a good man and/or will make a good husband, you are on a long thing.

Maybe it is a gift, however, when I study people, I know them.

When their spouses complain in future, I think to myself 'how didn't you see this?'

It was there all along.

To choose a spouse is not easy, I agree however, if done well would yield good fruits.

Romangalactic:
Emphasis on a normal emotionally healthy woman.

Take a look around

Like a woman, any man that leaves emotionally healthy women and settles for a cray cray has himself to blame.

efosky1246:
My brother, you almost brought tears to my eyes with this your write-up. It's a pleasure to know good men still exist.

I keep saying it that most dysfunctional marriages, not all(before they come for my head) is usually a fault of the man. From a surface point of view, it might seem like it's the woman. But most times. The woman is reacting to the deficiencies in the man.

When you treat a normal, healthy woman right and act like a leader, set the tone in the relationship. Not just shouting "I am the man" up and down. There is no how she would not submit and respect you. Men need to be held more accountable.

We should grab a drink together if you're keen. Would love to connect in person.

@bold:

Perhaps you help the upcominhwomen and list what you think makes a man a good leader.

Hopefully, they shun the opposite so we have peace in our homes.

I agree men need to be held more accountable which would be hard if the women choose the bad men with their eyes open.

NairalandSARS:
Naa, I disagree.
Your parents should fend for you till your done with secondary school. May if you enter before 18, they can help with yr1 or yr 2 fees.

In my circle, parents train their kids for as long as they can afford it.

I can count on my fingers how many people sponsored themselves for their masters.

Just how the children always honor their parents till death.

Parenting (in all aspects) for us is a lifetime job.

NairalandSARS:
If you are above 18, you father owes you nothing.

A parent is a parent till death.

Just how you honor your parents till death.

sirciao:
Hello everyone
Have been pondering on this over the years and I think i need wider view and advice on this.
I'm from a family of 6 my father separated from my mom several years ago and remarried another woman and has several other side babes
now he paid our school fees wen we wer in uni but has neglected every other aspect of fatherhood.
we hardly see him because he stays in a different state
He did a court marriage with only my mom. so please what can we do because its becoming unbearable, i decided to concentrate on my self and hussle but its getting unbearable seeing your father with so much money squander it for another woman,side chicks,church etc and neglecting his very own family.
The last straw is he wants to stop paying rent for my mom claiming he has no money due to covid 19 but i got Intel that he just rented an apartment for another side chick. he will retire very soon and his gratuity should be nothing less than 30 m. He has no property for his children only a huz in the village and several cars he lavishes money on.
What can we do to salvage this situation
should we continue to look on as he waste his money and neglecting my mom that started life with him.
Can my mom file for divorce and will she get any benefit from it.
Can we the children out rightly sue him for neglect?
Mods please help push to front page so i can get wider contribution
please share your experience if you have a similar case like mine and how you tackled it..

@Bold:

If your parents have been separated for several years, why do you still expect him to pay her rent?

Your father only owes you his children allegiance except your mother also does wifey duties for him even after they have separated.

IF you want your father to help pay your mother's rent because of their history or you the kids, you appeal to him and not force him.

It is like someone forcing your mother to cook for him or any other wifely duties and threatening to sue her to court for it.

While at it, appreciate him for training you guys in school.

Perhaps, it might soften his heart to be more generous towards you guys.

sassysure:
Hian.

My ish was was he said the man stopped paying house rent for his mum.
Is the mum sick?


Abeg,make I mind my biz

OP claims his parents have been separated for several years and the man has married another wife so I don't get why he should be dragged to pay the mother's rent in the first place.

If he is the son of the 2nd wife, I would understand.

OriOko88:
[b][/b]
Wetin you dey yarn sef

The message is not for you.

JONNYSPUTE:
.....Thank you for bringing this up.
(1) I'm not interested and have never thought or dreamt of being a king in my life.Even though I would have loved to but I can't due to my wife, my kids,never wanted a polygamous family because if its endless fight after my demise.

My wife simply told me to do what I wanted, though she herself doesn't buy the idea of me becoming a king.

This your third point is exactly where i and my father has talked extensively and he has assured me that nothing will happen if I refused and I believed him. He said traditionally it is very wrong for a father to bow for a sin as the king and that is why he believed that there's a conspiracy against us because he is also the president General of my community.

I don't think they can stop me from achieving anything now except they will want to be at war with my entire family.

Your last question is the bone of contention. They said throughout the history,that every king must marry from the community and since my wife is from another state,that I should pick up a wife from our community.

In summary, your aversion to the throne is
1. Polygamy (which is solved if you have the consent of your wife)
2. Your dad (Because of the culture)

Your wife doesn't want to be a queen or she doesn't want to be in a polygamous marriage or she does not want both?

There seems to a lot of drama (referring to number 2).

If your dad as the President General of the community said no lele, leave their Kingship for them.

If you are forging ahead, your wife can claim your state /town by marriage.

sassysure:
U and your siblings should go out there and hustle.

As for your mum, is she really idle?
Not doing anything but waiting on her husband to drop?
Her kids should spur her to action and forget the philanderer of a man. Hope she is not going raw with him.

I know of a man who usually lock up his kids.
Crazy man

According to the OP, his parents are separated and his father is married to another woman whom he is cheating on.

NEWBIN:
We have known each other for about six months now. I proposed to her in March 2020 and kept telling me she was thinking about it.

Just yesterday, she said yes to my proposal and I was so excited. When I met her yesterday evening, she told me Friday (June 26) is her birthday and that, she expects a lot of gifts and mobile money from me. My bowels became full instantly so left to go ease myself.

I have lost interest. Show me a way to outsmart this fraudster of a lady, thanks.

If you are busy or productively engaged, you will break off the engagement and move on.

You won't waste productive time thinking how to outsmart someone who are lucky enough to know her values before you are invested in the relationship.