₦airaland Forum

Rilwayne001:
Our poverty mentality in this country makes us think that money is the answer to happiness and peace in this life. The major reason for this kind of comments on this thread.

No. Money can't buy everything.

Very true.

We need to ascertain some issues:

1. Are you interested in the Kingship?
2. What is your wife's opinion on the Kingship?
3. What leverage do you have in this situation? i.e. If you don't become the king, what happens?
4. What leverage does the village have over you? If you refuse their kingship, what can they stop you from achieving?
5. If you are interested in the kingship and have some sort of leverage, do you have the mental strength to insist it is done your way: kingship with no second wife?

What kind of madness is roaming about?

DonroxyII:
Now I understand better ... I'm sorry for my outburst.... She choosed Nurse due to her Mom's philosophy..... She may even end up being a Lawyer ....

I choosed Newscaster as a Kid ... due to watching Cyril Stober, Fatima Abass Hassan, Eugenia Abu, Aisha Katung later Bello, Tokunbo Ajayi (RIP) .... I still love them all with deep passion ... I'm even having goose pimples right now

As a Teen promoted to SS1, the day my counselor recommended me to Art Class, at that point , I told her to post me to commercial class and I'm an accountant today ... I made on the spot decision for a boy that carried Newscaster for head since like 5/6years old ... That's because the best TV I had as a kid was NTA and mom always made me watch NTA news


Today, anytime I watch Channels TV and I see Chamberlain, Seun Okinbaloye...... I always see what I was supposed to be...

I'm about to be Chartered Anyway with B.sc and M.sc in Accounting !!

Honestly, five year old want to be anything that catches their fancy.

Congratulations accatant.

Acidosis:
What's wrong with preparing to be a housewife?

They can't walk together if there is no agreement on the type of roles they should have in the home.

tobechi20:
such women make best faithful housewife.

she will stick by u evenbif u cheat on her

Na wa o

You are already making contingency plans for adultery.

@cdm4live

Why is this thread directed to your brother's woman when your brother is your direct relative?

Magnoliaa:
Not really. That would mean all your hustling, investments, businesses is a gamble. Why work hard when you don't know if it'll be lost. Money doesn't have a mind/wings. You control it.



So like this is just 1/1,000,000,000,000,000 posts addressed to women concerning marrying a rich man. We've always talked about other ideals for a marriage at other times - don't diminish/deflect the course of the topic.

If I read well, too, the op DID NOT condemn other things that make a marriage work or not. It's just highlighting one of the things that make/mar a marriage.

Divorce, loosing money... has nothing to do with the advice?

Learn more about the winglike properties of money. Doesn't mean it everyone who is/was rich would become poor. We all pray and aspire to grow.

I dropped a comment on the OP. Except I am underestimating my influence, I can't 'diminish/deflect' the course of the topic.

If the OP tells women to marry only rich men, what happens IF the rich man becomes poor or hits hard times as the OP's advice is no loner valid?

angelfallz:
there is nothing wrong with the nigerian family system, if there is any unified family system anyway.
But if you insist that something is wrong, please list them.

1. Baby heads/leaders;
2. Financial sperm donors;
3. Wives unwilling to take responsibility for their choices;
4. Wives who revel in victimhood;
Etc.

Belafonte:
1. A woman who will shut up when I ask her to, or one who knows how to talk and keep quiet when she should. You might consider that misogynistic, but it is what it is.

2. A faithful woman. If I catch her cheating it will end very badly physically and mentally for her.

3. A good homemaker.

4. An intellectually sound woman.

5. A spiritual woman who can battle for me in the spirit and boosts my own spirit rather than dampen it.

6. A woman who will be devoted to me.

7. In lieu of points 1-6, a woman who truly loves me and understands me and daily desires to please me. Having this quality will make the above points a breeze. And in fact, I’ll be more amenable to allowing her shortcomings, especially if she is a teachable spirit.

Seven points agenda for N50m.

Anyways, he who pays the piper dictates the tune.

Carry on.

gamblering:
No, she is not battling depression. But yes, she believes men should go out and get things. She is preparing to be a housewife, though she knows that doesn't go down well with me.

The lady you want to marry wants to be an housewife.

You don't like it; on what basis are you progressing the relationship?

Mariangeles:
I have absolute no problem submitting to a man I respect.
It doesn't make me feel less in any way.
I'm a sucker for a Godly man

Well ensure you marry a godly man you respect (the choice is yours)

Mariangeles:
That man was never a husband to her.
He never protected her.
They were never a couple.

@Bold:
I agree.

Well maybe she did not need his protection and husbandship.

Ekwutox:
We all are very familiar with the law of karma, we all know and understand the saying that "what goes around comes around".

Now, I've been on this forum long enough to notice the way most men glorify and justify infidelity when women are on the receiving end.

I've seen so many comments endorsing infidelity from men on threads concerning a man being sex starved by his wife.
"A man needs to have multiple women to service him in case madam starts to misbehave" they would say.

Most of these people pride themselves in being Christians or religious, but would turn a blind eye on an obvious sin because it is to their benefit. See am not here to preach or remind anybody about the teachings of God because am not religious or anything of such, but I just can't help but marvel at their blatant display at normalising infidelity/cheating by their fellow men.

Another way to justify this disgusting act is the regular mantra of men being polygamous in nature, please this statement is getting stale already because it portrays men as nothing but dogs or lower animals that lack self-control.

Look at this scenario, a married man goes out and have sex with multiple women, in the process he impregnates one of them without knowing, let's say the lady in question is engaged or is married already because people lie these days to hide their marital status. This woman pushes the responsibility to her husband or husband to be, the poor unsuspecting man will think nothing of it because he loves and trusts his woman.

The cheating married man goes home to his wife without realizing that his wife was also unfaithful and has a child that is not his, living under his roof. Messy situation right? This dude has a child been taken care of by another man and he himself is taking care of another man's child.

See ehh, this paternity fraud will not stop until we all come together, both men and women to condemn infidelity from both sides, stop giving excuses for a cheating man like "Whether a man cheats or not, he will still love and take of his wife" the ones that are throwing their wives and kids out of the house only to bring in the side chick, are they from Mars?

Or "When a man starts cheating, nothing will change but when a woman cheats, she changes because women are emotional beings" another useless and senseless excuse, I have seen women that will cheat this minute and the next minute she is laughing and playing with her husband like nothing happened.

Telling people to fear women will not change anything, until we start telling ourselves the truth.

~Ekwutox.

The meat of the matter.

Gbam!

100% co-signed

P.S.: No genuine Christian would gloss over male adultery

A couple humiliated the man's ex because?

Please lock them up for a looooong time.

One crazy couple off the streets.

This story is not adding up.

When the guy started doubting the paternity of the 2nd child, wasn't the babe worried? Especially as the guy told all his friends and continued to plan the 'wedding?'

God console the children and families and give us wisdom and discernment.

Mariangeles:
I believe in how God established marriage to be.

You haven't said anything ma'am.

Please spell it out.

Why I don't 'approve' of the solution, I like that the wife did something to 'resolve' the issue than whine about it.

I also like the fact she was willing to face the responsibility of her choice.

Mariangeles:
If you want to become the man that God created you to be, don't ask your wife to share your responsibility. It is unnatural, just like a wife asking the husband to take turns in bearing children.
She's there to support you.
Men who demand that their responsibility be shared with their wives, underestimate God and cheat themselves. At the end of the day, you get the less you settled for.
When you're ready to take your position as a man, God will make it easy for you.

Hmmmmm

I hope you don't complain when the man also wants to exercise his rights?

jabolo:
Two silly fathers. Already teaching their kids to 'point fingers'

What happened to 'dignity in labor'?

Hahahahahahaha

Angu

gamblering:
she is just not enthusiastic about anything. She waits for life to hand her something instead of going after it. I don't know if I can go ahead with this arrangement any more.

If she is like this with her friends and family, she might be battling depression.

Also check if she believes men should be the goal getters while women should wait for life to happen to them.

Thread is gradually going to the traditional roles of a man and a woman.

Like Belafonte said, the woman you are bringing N50m to meet has to be worth it and not in monetary terms.

It is in those qualities women think is slavery or 'promoting' patriarchy today.

@Belafonte what qualities are you looking for in a wife that would worth N50m?

Ningen:
I have never been at the receiving end of a bad treatment from my uncles or aunts. I've lots of them, and yes, I've stayed with some for years.

Why did all of them treat me good??

Well, I can tell you it's not about my character or personality. I believe it's because they genuinely love my parents so that reflected towards me.

So IMO, how well your 2nd degree relatives treat you is immensely influenced by your parent's personal relationship with them as siblings.

@bold:

This is another angle.

Anuoluwa1234:
It's okay, I now understand better

Anu,

I have seen enough to know that having money is not static or money without vision is temporary.

A man with vision you can key into is key. Pun intended.

I have seen people move from earning peanuts to earning millions in a space of few years and from a lot to hustling for crumbs in a space of years.

Money has wings.

The person who is rich today can become poor/broke tomorrow and vice versa.

Rather than this skeletal approach, why don't we dig to see what's wrong with the Nigerian family system and correct it?

How many men are rich in Nigeria?

What happens if all that made a man 'the head' was money and he loses it ten years into the marriage; should his wife get a divorce?

Beautiful endearing story.

Some good deeds span a lifetime.

God bless the man and help the lady shun the ways of her birth mother.

Zabiboy:

You have a point @emboldened...
But work these days are demanding
Only a determined man( determined to have time for his kids) would try hard to squeeze out time....
And once again, women play a part here....For example
*husband comes back and junior is asleep
Wife: dont worry honey, no need to wake him up, Tomorrow i'll tell him you asked how school is...And she ends up not telling the child anything...she'll go ahead to even encourage him to be more hardworking ( in order words, leave the child's care for her and focus more on work and money)....

But anyways like i said, its down to the individual....

Men specifically fathers have whined over and over how their wives 'poison' their kids against them and how all sacrifices are unappreciated.

Like I would tell the women who whine forever about how bad men are:

Stop whining and do something different about it. The choice is yours to make.

You are lucky to have seen what emotionally distancing your kids at young age does in future.

Strive to ensure that's not your story. In your response, you are still relying on a third party relationship with your children through your wife.

The kids are sleeping.... Do you work Mondays to Sundays round the clock? No leave? No rest?

While at work, you can't call your wife to talk to the kids before they sleep? Even while sleeping, you can't go into their rooms to pray for them? One day they will wake while praying for them.

Do you realize that women also work, keep late hours and still strive to reach out to their kids? Some get home late and still make dinner, look at home works, go to the kids' room to kiss them goodnight, lay their uniforms for the next day before going to sleep and waking up early the next day?

A friend used to get home very late so she got her kids a diary to write whatever they wanted to tell her. When she got home tired, she would read and respond. Sometimes, the kids just wanted to see her and would stay up late to do so.

That was how she bonded with her kids till she was able to get home earlier.

I believe fathers should learn a thing or two from mothers as regards intentional parenting.

There is no excuse for otherwise.

Zabiboy:

OP,
Its due to social conditioning..
Most times( if not all), after giving birth, women stay at home 24/7 to take care of the child while the father goes to work....So the child spends more time with his/her mum...
While spending time with the mum, she Both subconsciously and Consciously makes the child feel like she cares more than the father...
Subconsciously---- "Bobo, if you touch that thing, i would tell your daddy when he comes back and he'll flog you"....
Consiously------ "I want you to grow up and achieve far more what your father has"....
All this then makes the child feel more loved by the mother and tend to show her more love..
Anyways, it's down to the individual

Which is why the father has to build his relationship with his kids.

Not rely on the wife to do that for him.

I have said this story here before: I happened to witness a beautiful scene:

A Keke driver drove his kids round the street while their mother made akara for them to munch during the ride.

How would those kids doubt the love of their father?

During the ride, there is no way he wouldn't ask about school, their friends and teach them some life lessons.

Little things go a long way most times.

To make the akara and fuel to drive round might not cost up to N1k which the father can save all through a week as bonding session.

Mindlog:
Beyond the monetary, some fathers feel lonely without even being widowers in their old age even where the grown up children make material provisions but emotionally disconnected because their fathers did not emotionally bond with them during their formative years.

I recall attending the burial of a Catholic Priest's father some years back, while delivering the oration the Reverend Father broke down in tears while other Priests held him. He recounted how despite them being a poor family how their father struggled to raise them, every evening took out time to follow up with their academics despite being a Prison warder and his directions helped him and his siblings not to go rogue as was normal with children growing up in the barracks. How he led prayers every morning in their home and always encouraging them that no matter what they were going through he believed his children' hard work through education would turn things. That he had lost hope of sitting for his form 5 (SSCE) as the exam fees was not paid up to the last day of payment but the father went to sell the bicycle he rides to work and gave him the money and told him as long as he was alive he must complete his secondary school education in order to stand the chance of being admitted into a seminary to train to become a Priest he had always dreamt of. The father passed on 14 years after he was ordained a Priest in Italy and he really pampered the father while he was alive.

Awwww, so sweet.

Dedemabiakool:
If i was her husband i won't allow this

That's why she's luckily not married to you.

Zenithpeak:
Boy I'm proud to have you as my son. thank you for the message and I pronounce upon you today the blessings of the fathers, just like father Abraham to his son Issac and also transfer it to your unborn generations after you like Issac to Jacob..... until they because Israel of God.

You shall be great in life. The God of heaven and the earth will lift you up, bless you with wisdom in all your ways, knowledge in your academics and understanding alongside favour in the sight of God and of man.

I put the name of God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob upon you.

Thank you my wonderful Son.

Amen o!

Very beautiful.

Happy Father's Day. No picture of the biscuit

Bj5all:
Most fathers do not allow their love to be felt by their children. Most fathers Labour so hard for the family but spend little time with them to make them understand his sacrifices. On the other hand, a mother spend almost all her time with the children, they see her suffering and pain, fathers sacrifices are mostly outside of the home and as such are not felt by the children.

Children especially male children come to value their dad after they too are married.

As a father, take time to explain things to your children, they will value and respect your sacrifices when they understand what you go through to keep the family

I agree with you.

Fathers need to develop emotional bonds with their kids so they don't become financial sperm donors.

No matter the hustling, there is a time of rest. Relate with them, teach them, train them, discipline them.

Stop 'go to your mommy, I am tired.' The extra ten minutes spared would go a very long way and won't kill you.

Be warm towards them. If your kids hear your car horn or footsteps and run, you aren't behaving fatherlike and need to do better.

Take them on dates to develop a relationship with them. Stop building a second hand relationship with your kids through your wife.

Why should your wife be the one to tell your kids 'daddy loves you and wants the best for you' while you are alive?

Let your kids be sure of their position with you at each point in time.

You do stuff for them, tell them. A simple 'daddy just paid your fees because I love you and believe you will do great things' would go a long way to create an impression on the child.

You want to watch news, gather them with you and break it down to simple concepts: inflation is when things become your expensive E.g. When your N50 biscuit becomes N60. Etc.

I would however give kudos of this generation fathers as they are more in tune with their kids emotionally.