₦airaland Forum

crackkhaus:
It's a circle...

crackkhaus:
That's if they will still get along during family events, get-togethers, or holidays...

That time, the problem will be how the in-laws left her to do all the cleaning and/or cooking.

Donald3d:


Plain and simple, your wife is an introvert, or at least an ambivert, most likely the former.

You need to stop trying to change her, and give her space to be herself .

How do I know this ? I am an introvert, besides Nairaland and maybe recently Twitter, I really can't talk much to people face to face, except its business, and I always opt for a WhatsApp chat except it totally necessary to see in person, business is the only thing that "brings me out of my shell", because there is no alternative.

This is part of the major reason why I am a freelancer, recently gathered the "courage" to register my business and would be opening a physical location soon.
Does that mean I am insecure ? No !

I am sorry I am talking too much about myself, but I believe it would help you better understand your wife.

Ironically my babe (wife) reminded me this morning that we have not taken a picture together in a long time. Its true, I take like one or two pictures in a year. Sometimes I don't.

She used to think I was insecure until she started understanding me.

The "problem" with introverts is that we notice too much details, we pay too much attention, we try to make everything as perfect as possible, because we don't want other people to have the wrong impression of us, at the same time we don't care what people think if we don't talk to them(I know its ironic). We would easily see flaws where an average person won't see one.

I was extra shy on my wedding day. I didn't have up to 60 people in attendance.I doubt it was up to 40 sef. I was too shy to look into people's faces to count.

I warned family and friends not to share my wedding pictures or videos online.

We don't like crowd, we don't like people being in "our business".

We value our "space" and privacy more than anything.

We also don't like to be constantly in peoples faces or being at the mercy of other people.

Some of us are "afraid" of phone calls, its that "bad"

Its just who we are .

Excessive social interaction , especially when it has to do with speaking or seeing people , just drains us.

About going out, just like her , I hate going anywhere. Let me shock you, in the last two years I can count how many times I have gone anywhere, I am not kidding . Out of 365 days in a year, at least 350-360 is spent at home. Yet I work at least 18 hours everyday.

What can you do to help her ?

1.Constantly remind her of how proud you are of her
2.Tell her how beautiful she looks.
3.Giver her space
4. Understand that this is who she is and don't try to judge her. We feel really sad when the people we love, don't understand us.


You should not bother about her reaction to other people, because it would most likely never change as long as she isn't rude to them. In fact she would be too shy to be rude sef.
Be more concerned about her interaction with you and treat her with love and understanding.

You honestly have no idea how awkward she feels, when you try to force her to interact or socialize with other people.
It was insensitive of you to share her videos and pictures with your child online without her permission. I know how she felt, she felt like the ground was going to open and swallow her up. The same thing happened with the video call you forced on her, she was just giving excuse of not having make up on to evade the video call.

I am sorry sir, this may sound insensitive or rude, but you don't understand your wife Sir. I do a lot.
Please sit her down, may be let her read this post and ask her how she feels about social interactions and you would be amazed when she opens up to you.

People have a very wrong notion that all introverts are extra quiet or have low self esteem
With our loved ones and people we "allow" into our space, we are very free and can share or talk about almost anything and are very conversational (that's the reason she slept with make up when you just met her, she wasn't comfortable enough to lay her "introvert shield" down).

Please try and understand her Sir, and stop trying to force social interactions on her, you would only succeed in pushing her away more. You would drive her deeper into her shell

Are introverts psychologically damaged people ? No, we are one of the smartest, strong willed and motivated people around, because we have enough time to pay attention
Are we awkward ? Maybe
Do we love being this way ? Yes, It blissful
Are we sweet and caring ? More than you can imagine
Do you have more time to spend with us ? Big yes

If you focus on her benefits than her disadvantages, you would enjoy your wife much more than you can imagine.

EdEdEddy:
Who really is responsible for the failure of a child in the society?

Just here to learn, the child itself is not an option here.

While growing up these are the common factors, that can make or destroy a child.

But really who do we blame, for the childs failure?

Family
Religion
Environment
Teachers

ccffwx:
Struggle love? Miss me with that! Bukatyne spot on!

LordKO:
Problem lies with people who give attention to someone like her who has a personality disorder. People who're like her are everywhere, this forum inclusive, propagating nonsense and trying so hard to foist their abnormalities on everyone. Unfortunately, impressionable people abound and are buying into their toxic products.

etokhana:
http://saharareporters.com/2020/05/13/five-female-employees-nigeria-immigration-service-who-participated-falzs-dont-rush

crackkhaus:
Let her be, don't bite please...

When they start projecting negative thoughts on your marriage and life, that's how you know they are in serious pains.


Witchcraft 101.

emmaodet:
You have a point though.

crackkhaus:
Lol.. so they locked you up because of that thread.. lmao..
God-complex toh bad.

Personally, I feel she should continue posting her opinions whenever she wants and however she wants. The last thing I want is for her give ratchets the pleasure of thinking they silenced her.
Maybe putting a caveat on her topics can help, but frustration doesn't really need an excuse to still expose itself.

The only thing is that she's too nice, kai.. Buka really has some solid principles sha, something I also admire about her cos no matter what...she just NEVER gets down and dirty.

But unlike her, I have no such patience for niceties especially among people I don't give two shíts about... I go drag and cut them down, still pick up the carcasses and tear into it again with my teeth RAW.

Later dem go say women are angels, women deserve to be respected, women are innocent and victims... Is it these ones on Nairaland? Tueh...
This is also the reason why I don't say anything when guys here are dragging & tearing them down bit by bit. Even the ones I know personally offline, once I see they are being ridiculed and massacred...I go just do like say I no even see wetin dey happen because they have also been the ones doing it to another person.

Titi03:
You really are such a stand-up guy for sticking up for Buka.. I was put on detention due to the attention my "Biased Moderators" thread got If not, I would've jumped in here earlier...

[b]@bukatyne let this serve as a lesson to you. I think it's about time you leave this section completely or just be reading comments without contributing. [/b]All this negativity can't be good for your health. Those bullying you now think they're having the time of their lives but at the end of the day, this is a faceless forum and they've gained absolutely nothing by spending hours trolling you.

We all have to get offline every now and then and face the real world. You have no idea what demons some of these guys are fighting that pushes them online as a form of escape. Don't engage further please. Thanks..

crackkhaus:
What an elder sees sitting down, small pikin go climb iroko before e see am.

ladyGKilaBCrueD:
That bukatyne woman irritates me to the core and I hope she never gets to raise daughters with her sick mentality
What she's doing is male pandering, and I am happy so see some men are not buying her bullshit
Very vile woman who tries to cloak her vileness in religion

emmaodet:
Thank you Bukky for this comment on bold and this is the main reason most good guys are turning to bad because being good is not encouraging nor are you motivated to be.

ThothHermes:
It's amazing. Absolutely amazing.

The truths contained in your topics continues to gnaw at them. Like oil, they try to pour water on it but it keeps coming to the surface of their consciousnesses.

Your thread is a constant reminder of their inadequacies, their failures if you like, so they continue to rail as if shouting at the sun will make it stop shining.

There is really nothing you can do about it. No matter how benign and well-intentioned your topics are, they'll always feel slighted.
It not you. It's them.

The truth shall set you free, but first it will piss you off -- Gloria Steinhem

The problem here is that these ones have refused to get out of the piss off stage.

Sad.

crackkhaus:

Watch as they still try to explain away this fact one way or the other.

MIL - Woman
Wife - Woman
Aunties - Women
Sisters - Women

Yet for some reason, it's the husband (man) that's the problem when these grown-ups refuse to get along.

I can't...

riches4me:
Pls nairalanders, I just want a general opinion on the best ways to treat a wife that has strong opinions about almost everything around the house. from the way kids should be trained to the cleaniness around the house when hers is to the level of OCD.

GuestLog:
It baffles me how don't respect themselves on a public forum such as Nairaland. Is this as a result of failure in family upbringing, lack of proper education or simply an abuse of social media & it's liberty?

As Africans, we were taught to respect people in the society, greet one another pleasantly (Igala for example can literally extend salutations for up to 5 minutes) and treat others with mutual respect.

But nowadays it's different on public forums where wisdom and knowledge should have been shared for enlightenment & edification, instead you see inter ethnic clashes, derogatory remarks, intolerance to diversity & other people's opinion, also bring her down syndrome of many women here on NL.

Let us learn to do things differently. For the sake of ourselves and portray the characteristics of our home bringing.

Vyolet:
It isn't a bad thing for someone to love you because of your wealth, it is one of the reasons to fall in love.

You should only ensure he is in love with your wealth so he can have a comfortable life with your kids and not because he wants to steal your money and jilt you in the end.

LordKO:
"Expected to provide for his in-laws" or help to the best his/their ability? I don't expect a sane person to use servility to sustain a relationship with another person.

DeRay98:
you know the northerners like to pretend alot, they 'll tell you it's the prophet's instruction...

LordKO:
It depends on one's perspective about marriage; since two become one as a couple/when pursuing oneness, it is therefore the couple's - not the wife's - responsibility to help their individual extended families to the best of their ability. So, directly or indirectly, it's the man's responsibility to help his wife's parents and siblings, and vice versa.

A wife (or even a husband) can be resourceful and reasonable without earning money directly.

Ibiminastephen:
A Nigerian lady identified as Queen Minic on Twitter has taken to the platform to write that a man does not have the obligation to take care of his wife’s family.

According to Queen, it is the sole responsibility of the woman to hustle and send money to her family. Or better still, it should be a decision the man has to make personally.

She further urged all ladies to be financially independent and stop relying on their husbands for everything.

In her words;

“The Duty of your husband is not to take care of your immediate family. Have something doing.

It is your responsibility to take care of your family (siblings and parents)not that of your husband. Let it be his CHOICE to do. Don’t FORCE it on him Sis.”

LegitGirl:
Most Nigerian feminists are evening newspapers...

Or young girls with identity crisis... wanting by all means to belong.
Or women who have had very sore luck in their relationships.

manuelreports:
I just clocked 41 and I am yet to settle down.

Please house i want to know if I married too Late if i decide to settle down today.

I never expected to marry this late but you know one thing leads to another son of man is still trying to put somethings in order before marriage, in order to give my children the best life can offer.

Please fam
Your suggestions please