₦airaland Forum

bukatyne:
Work is to provide your means of livelihood: Marriage is for companionship, prevention of adultery and raising godly children.

Marriage like work is also a means to an end.

The advantage of focusing on marriage over work is that you train kids who will carry on with your legacy.

Marriage however differs in that it affects every other decision and fulfillment of your purpose.

To break it down, let's use Mary (the mother of Jesus) as an example:

Mary's purpose was to birth the savior (Jesus Christ). Let's assume she was a farmer (the Bible didn't say), that's her work. She was married to Joseph (an excellent choice because he was godly, fair and righteous).

Imagine Joseph was a rebebe man: it would not have been easy for her to fulfill her purpose; she might never have even fulfilled it.

That's why I would rate marriage above work.

Some other examples of work vs purpose are:

1. Jesus Christ: He was a carpenter (work) however, his purpose was to save the world.

2. Peter: Was a fisherman (work), his purpose was to be an apostle and being Christ to the Jews.

Etc. Etc.

Discover your purpose (the hard part), then marry someone who keys into that purpose and vice versa. While at it, you would surely have a work to earn a living.

@Miarose,

This is my post to someone else on this thread earlier.

Miarose:
They are your quotes however.

Work is a means to secure your basic needs and absolutely necessary for every living full-bodied human being, unless someone else is providing for you.
I agree that we should all find our purpose or calling. If you have found yours, pray for those that are yet to find theirs.
However, note that not everyone makes a living out of their purpose. It could be a sacrificial calling and nothing comes out of it, financially. In spite of that, you still need to feed, provide the basic things of life.

Physiological needs(food , water, warmth,safety,security) rank lower than emotional needs, not to talk of self actualization. In fact, self actualization is at the very top of maslow's hierarchy of needs.
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Like someone else said, purpose changes as we go through life and it is a reflection of the needs in our current state.

I am trying to understand this post because the summary was stated in the OP.

sassysure:
U were not wrong.
The poster put that headline to sensaionalise it.

That woman is in obvious pain and I wouldn't want to watch that video again.
U will get to agree that she is right about her claims towards the end of the video.

The man loves that boy more than her and her children. It's very obvious even if u don't understand what she is saying.

Hmm.

My heart breaks for the kids.

As for that mullato, one day, he will meet his doom.

Single parents are averagely in murky waters trying to balance between their children and new families.

The mullato would meet his doom one day.

The man is breeding a psycho.

Originalsly:
Ehmmm.... what they are saying....the lady is saying that the man is unfair.... that they are not working now but he wants to order more take out food for his son.... the big fat giggling boy.... who just finished eating a big meal.....while her children... the two scrawny ones have not eaten as yet. This is what I understand... but I may be wrong.

Is there a constraint to cooking at home?

sassysure:
U will never call me for something good.
Couldn't pick the lady's igbo. I got afikpo vibes a lot.
She is saying something like she gave birth through CS and the man did something bad to her during that time.
Man is restricting himself from fighting with her though both of them have acoustic mouth.
Wife desperately want the man to beat her.

Their matter started a long long time ago. And I can say that it has something to do with that big guy.
Yep, it's not in Nigeria.

I feel for the kids.
Look at them.
Even the small one is crying.

He is not deliberately trying to piss her off. It's the other way round.
The lady is fed up with something and I swear it's about that boy. He isn't her child and it's obvious the man love that boy more than that woman and her kids. He went kolo when the lady held the boy.
And the boy don't care at all. He is ev3n laughing at her.

I have to watch again to understand all they are saying.
That guy is evil. He posted this.

Thanks.

liberalchick:
Bukatyne, you’re not a victim.

I think it’s very unfortunate that you’ve decided to hide behind a wall of fake victimhood, rather than address the questions about the incoherent premise (which was on purpose) in your OP posted on a public forum.



You purposely redefined the popular phrase above so you can create a loophole in your OP. It’s actually pretty devious. When people disagree with what you actually mean, then you can always point out the “work” in your OP. So basically you invented a new meaning of a popular phrase that is easier to argue against. There is a word for that.

The phrase has always been about getting your career on track before you get married, if you so desire. It has never been about work.

This was a sloppy OP.

Did I claim to be a victim? or what are you on about?

I have a life outside NL to feel 'victimized' by people I don't know.

I created a thread and not answerable to anyone about my premise.

Like they say 'I am responsible for what I type, everyone is responsible for what they understand.'

I am taking marriage vs. career and spent half of the OP talking about purpose and calling?

Please you came late to the party.

Thank you.

jeff1607:
can a man force another woman's child on a lady or trick her into accepting another woman's child and raising it as her own?

Is paternity fraud the only thing committed in marriages?

femicyrus:
we should get the facts right before insulting the lady. just imagine the two neighbours sharing a single meter and the man refuse to pay his part to offset the bills leading to disconnection of electricity from the house. but the same man after plunging the house into darkness could afford to buy fuel into his generator to power only his apartment.
this is the reason why judgement is not given in court on the same day the case was heard

iwaeda:
Women

Only women are bad abi?

No husband does wrong?

On this thread, the wife is wrong. In another, it could be the husband.

iwaeda:
Same people will go to Church and ask for blessings.
Nkan Mbe

Who are the same people?

God help all her kids carry on the legacy she left behind.

MOORCHMOORE:
This is how I stopped my Son 5yrs and Daughter 3yrs from collecting and begging stranger to buy things for them.
I remembered a day I went downstairs with my daughter just to chill with my compound neighbors. I met a strange guy with some of my neighbors, we all greeted and I sat down and chat with them. After a while I went upstairs to do something and come down again, just to discovered my daughter was no were in the compound. I ask and was told she went to the shop next to my compound with the strange guy I saw in my compound. I rushed out to find her and behold my daughter coming back alone with a pack of big size cheese ball open and she’s already munching. I wanted to warn the boy but I had to control myself and thank, after all I made the mistake of not taking her upstairs. I gave her punishment for that. Before then my wife had told me how they beg for things we can afford. She won’t eat noodles and egg well but once a stranger is eating it she pick interest.

My Action.
I was on video call with my wife when my son and daughter pop in their head to see and talk to me because I work from another state. Then I notice a healing boil on my daughter’s side temple. When I came home for the weekend and was chilling with my family. I ask my son what happened to your sister and he said no idea. I then told him its because she always beg people for cheese ball, biscuit etc. he was so surprised and was like so if I don’t ask people to give me something to eat it will not happen and I affirmed it (a necessary deception).

The Result.
My son and daughter are used to surrounding me whenever am eating meal. But since then I notice both of them are seriously minding their businesses. Since then I have never heard my wife complain about the bad attitude again. Seeing how they refutes my meal request, my mother in-law can’t stop laughing, I had to beg her not to let them see it as a deception.

My Advise.
If you are finding it hard to stop them from begging, try out my method. If you have better method or idea kindly share it, let’s stop our children from embarrassing us.


https://cdn.face2faceafrica.com/www/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/beg.jpg

Good one.

Although, I think you need to ask why they do that and correct from the root.

The day they discover you were lying to them, they can go back to the bad habit which is very dangerous.

Tragic.

Where will the father start from?

He should just embrace the kids as his.

Give us the full gist.

They have partially lifted the lockdown in Lagos.

MrBrownJay1:
most women who think they can change a man are either divorced or have accepted that they CANT change a man...

BTW many men pretend they've changed in order to continue having unrestricted access to your toto....but the minute that man is tired of mounting you, thats when his true self with naturally come right back.

Sadly hilarious.

sassysure:
Lots of stuffs. The igbo gangan.
I stopped at a point.
It's not fun to watch

I would loved to hear what they were all saying to put it in perspective.

And why was the oldest son smiling? He doesn't have the disposition of a child used to seeing his parents fight.

Or perhaps he has been desensitized to it.

Miarose:
I actually quoted you directly. The two lines I lifted are right there in my post.

You quoted me directly out of context:
Women are not told to ignore their purpose in favor of a job; they are told to ignore their families hence that line.

These are still from the same OP:

Now, there is something called 'calling or purpose'. This is the reason why you were created on earth. People's purpose range from pulling drugged kids off the street, inventing something to make our lives easier to writing lyrics that touch the soul. It can as well be spiritual as per pastors, evangelists, teachers, etc. etc.

Every body has the duty to discover their purpose and fulfill it.

In summary, work is just work: a means to an end of living a better life and fulfilling your purpose/assignment in earth.

The summary is the hence of the thread.

It is not about work vs. family.

It is about fulfilling your purpose.

HarunaWest:
That's the problem..Nigerian Government isn't the problem, we Nigerians are the problem. When after collecting rice and money we vote daft Punk's there, how do we expect them to be any better when we are ourselves are worse off. Nigeria needs a revolution. The revolution is supposed to be carried out by the youths, but they are busy engaged in advance fee fraud and rituals.The youths of Nigeria want fast money irrespective of source, they are ready to enjoy now and suffer later instead of the other way round. The Nigerian man has a fundamental problem. Only a coup d'etat headed by patriots either Civilian/Military can save us at the moment. Politicians have destroyed what's left of us.

Hmmmmm.

sassysure:
It may be that big boy. Mixed blood.
Marriage don scatter.

The man speaks like imo while the woman remind me of afikpo in ebonyi state.

What were they saying?

If the Chinese does not want Nigerians in China, is it not a wake up to the Nigerian Govt to sit up and wean themselves from the over-reliance on China?

Miarose:
Are you a pastor or a pastor's wife?
Your statements are too definitive and biased.
let me just give you twolines from ur post;

1. Whatever variation of the advise, it generates laughter in me
2.Work in itself cannot give satisfaction hence replacing your family with 'work' always ends in tears


with these two statements, you have laughed at women who put their careers ahead of a marriage==man and you have stated as a fact, that they will always end in tears.

How does your opinion differ from the northerners who believe a girl child is only good enough for marriage?
How does your opinion encourage the education of a girl child since her ultimate goal is marriage, should she stop at secondary school?

Working a job to earn a living has never been the solely a man's job. In most cultures in Africa, women run the farms and markets. They have always been busy for the benefit of their family.
let me quote proverbs 31 for you.

She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
14She is like a merchant’s ship,
bringing her food from afar.
15She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.
16She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.
18[b]She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night.[/b]
19Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.
20She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
21She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm clothes.
22She makes her own bedspreads.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
26When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
27She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.


The advise to face your career is never wrong. A cursory look around nairaland will tell you a lot of guys today want working women, they need support. The economy is tough and there is so much uncertainty. It is more likely that a young educated working woman will have more suitors than the havenots.
The working woman of today is not in competition with the man. Her purpose is to build without fear for the future, both for herself and her household.
Any lady who diligently gets up everyday to make an honest living should be encouraged. "Work"today, career tomorrow. we will all reap the fruit of our labor.

Miarose,

You read my OP with an open mind and concluded that the subject of the post is that women who put their jobs ahead of marriage/husband will end in tears?

Did you see the summary bolded at the end of the OP?

Ok, I would like you to point out the lines that led you to that conclusion.

crackkhaus:
Enough said...

https://www.reactiongifs.com/r/oboy.gif

Thank you *in r.kelly's voice*

fuzzywuzzy:
Lwkmd @the turn the thread took

Dearie,

The message has never been in the threads, It is always in the opening post .

crackkhaus:
Bullshīt

Na you get yourself?

Of course yes

crackkhaus:
Right, but guess what?
Your CEO can decide she's not going to work for the next two weeks simply because she wants to stretch her legs at home with her family, and no one will question her.

Can you do that?

Why not?

crackkhaus:
There you go.

An alternative to getting to that apex in an organization would be owning your own business as a woman. You are boss to yourself.

And guess what, this even favours your argument because such a woman will definitely have time for her family whenever the hell she wants, and she will not even need to focus more on her career (or business) at the expense of her family.
That's what being your own boss is about - you get to control your own time.

Funny, I don't even think being your boss gives you more time (except if it is a business for sustenance.)

My CEO spends more time at work/working than I do and I am sure most people will say the same.

It is not even about having time for family (which is another discussion), it is about not loosing sight that a job/work is just a means to an end.

Kaamisha:
When you get an education.

If you were indeed educated, you would have better composure.

Speechless.

crackkhaus:
It is definitely about them for two reasons:

1. They just don't like you
2. What you're saying hits them like a brick.

For instance, I know for a fact that Nigerian women (majority) have more aspirations towards a successful marriage life than careers.
As a matter of fact, everyone knows this.

The ones attacking you, most of them having been dreaming about big weddings and the life of being married right since the first strand of pubes appeared on top of their vagînas.
Ask a sizeable number of Nigerian women where they see themselves in 10years, 98% will tell you how they see themselves as a wife and mother blessed with a loving husband, only 1% will tell you how they hope to become CEO of a business or permanent secretary in a federal job, or a well-known politician fighting for women.
The remaining 1% don't even know where they'll be.

So yea, what your thread is advising is actually how they already feel...but agreeing with you will expose them as nothing more than women with no larger aspirations than having a family, neither will agreement favour their dislike for you. Most are okay at just earning a stable income at a good job, without the stress of having to think about becoming CEO or president.
Let hubby be the one with lofty aspirations and they will support him, is more like it.
This is the reality...

Remember, not many people even have a career. What a lot of people have are jobs, that's about it and that's fine too.

Which was why I did not even talk of a career;

A company of 1,000 employees would have only one CEO, CFO, COO, CTO etc who would serve a number of years. 90% of employees would sadly not even have a career at the end.