₦airaland Forum

@ charles009

What does your wife do in terms of productivity?
Is she a resourceful wife?

crackkhaus:
I'm not seeing the trigger, remember I'm NEVER one to get triggered by your posts.
You can only see what you're expecting to see.


Another solution is:
Leave your writing as is, and don't change a thing. Simply insert a caveat at the beginning of your threads stating, this is my opinion, based off what I see around me...

It won't stop ratchets from getting triggered though, but at least your only response would be to direct them back to the caveat.

Thank you for the feedback,

I think the caveat would work just fine for this one.

It was created from my phone so the short sentences.

Melezenawii:
Compliment

Hahahahaahaha!

The first time someone is quoting me to resurrect a thread.

How do you do?

crackkhaus:
I'll be honest about something here though.

Perhaps you should try better to gather your thoughts, and then be able to present them in writing. The way you would talk about a topic orally is certainly not the same way you would write about it.

I tell you this not because I don't understand your OP but because if I was someone else who already had some kind of bias against your person, I would not be patient enough to try to understand where you're coming from and will simply react based off what I feel about you and not the message you're trying to pass across.

Toor.

So what areas in this OP is a trigger?

crackkhaus:
Bukatyne you're too nice...

I told you the other day, you should never try to have dialogues with certain people on NL.... EVER

They come at you, you rip out their guts straight outta their mouths.
This is what I do and you can observe how they avoid me by miles... the ones who can't sleep only have the coward's will to throw subs.

You can tell they ain't reading your comments without actually seeing the Bukatyne commenting it, your moniker blinds them to anything you may type regardless if it makes sense or not...and these are the ratchets you want to dialogue with? Lmao...

Instead of keeping the arguments within the context of the OP, comments become about Bukatyne with ad hominems... even the ones trying to be cool with you from among the pack, are playing you for a fiddle and really think the same way the rest do.

Bukatyne

Temi yemi

I understand myself and I have a focus.

My topics are to pass across a message so I will not let them distract me. I do not have any 'gang' or 'group' so there is no need to 'feel among.'

Unlike them, I live in the real world and see people's concerns: I see ladies in their late 20s, 30s and 40s with good jobs praying for husbands; I see people with well paying jobs burn out and resign looking for that thing; I see people only focused on families feel empty at the end of the day; I see people who regret their choice of husbands and tell everyone to look well; I have seen women dragged back by bad husbands; I have seen directionless youth and girls just drifting looking for an anchor.

A lot of people were just laid off due to COVID-19 which has actually been a wake up call to others that you need to find yourself, what you are here for etc.

How this topic became marriage vs job/career is beyond me.

@ThothHermes:

You asked a question, can't find it anyone.

My message is to the Nigerian youth/woman and so NL is the best platform to share it.

These threads are permanently there. If it transforms the life of just one person, I am grateful and happy.

Leave the noise makers alone.

My people say you don't mind the distraction of the noise makers, you face the person you are bargaining with.

Plead:
Bukatyne, you’ve to work on the way you present certain subjects.
You always say things in a way that seems like you’re giving people directives.
The fact that your traditional abi old school lifestyle is working for you doesn’t mean it’ll work for another individual and you’ve to stop bringing religion into things like this when you’re being schooled on how you should present your subjects because it’s not everyone here that is religious.(If you can’t do this,there are two things involved: create your threads on the religion section or add a special tag on the headline of your thread to make people know that the thread is meant for only religious folks.)

How in God's name can someone feel 'directed' by another person's post online?

Kaamisha:
Who? Bukatyne? Yes. She always creates threads where people argue and get very very angry. By their fruit you shall know them.

Get a job Miss.

Or a husband.

Posts have been banned.

Can these trolls stop derailing my threads?

fieryy:
1. I honestly can't take that woman serious. There are women out there who aren't interested in marriage, and a happy marriage doesn't and should not stop you from having a successful career as lot of women have already proven and still are proving! I don't know what makes her think a woman has to choose between both.

2. If you have a partner (not a grown ass man baby), ready to support you and your career and by that I mean a man, who wouldn't be intimidated by your goals and wouldn't expect you to give up on these for him, achieving your goals shouldn't be a problem.

3. All her threads are about losing yourself into marriage: giving up your goals, not being too much, not being too ambitious, not being too outspoken etc. Basically everything to please a man in order to uphold a marriage status.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be the traditional wife, but with all due respect not everybody wants that kind of life. To be honest, I think it's a quite pathetic life to live.

Besides, you're right about the lack of exposure. I think she also lacks the ability to think beyond the horizon.

Stating things like 'the average lady has her B. Sc. before getting married.' Lmaooo

Considering the fact, that the average lady is not the same as the Nigerian average lady, that claim is already bullshit. Besides, how many ladies in the world do have a B. Sc to begin with? Especially if you consider ladies in developing countries. Even in Nigeria

The world's population is growing exponentially. An overpopulated world will lead to an increase urgency in terms of global climate, ressource and waste issues.

Yet this woman is stating

'The children part is contributing your own quota to the world'

The world would actually do better without that lol.

This is not to say people shouldn't have kids of course, but no you're not contributing positively (if we were to think rationally) to the world.

1. Can you quote anywhere on this thread I said women should choose between having a career (job) and marriage?

2. Where did I say marriage stops women from achieving their goals?

3. Can you give specific examples?

ThothHermes:
It fascinates me all the time.

They are supposed to be the "sophisticated", " modern", "independent" career women. But somehow, threads by a woman who is not as modern as they are supposed to be continues to bite them.

You've seen the OP's name, so you already know what to expect. The easy thing would be to ignore the thread. But for where, they'll read the thread and make notes. The truth continues to frustrate them.


As the good book says: "we can do nothing against the truth but for the truth"

It is amazing, innit?

Kaamisha:
It's a poorly written text with no sources, no coherence, poorly composed 'paragraphs', inappropriate tone and so it ultimately fails in appealing to her target audience by far. With this sentence at the beginning "Whatever variation of the advise, it generates laughter in me because" she has further revealed her motivation behind this thread and many others she has created on this forum, whether she herself is aware of it or not. The fact that she has a poor style of writing, which you learn in secondary school, coupled with such a sentence, which is full of mockery, shows that she despises what she doesn't and maybe can't have. These threads reflect her need for recognition hence the attempt to portray her marriage as an achievement and marriage in general as the answer to all social problems. In short, it is envy.

The discourse would be a totally different one if she tried to open up a discussion which addresses the Herculean task of juggling a successful career with family responsibilities but she can't have these discussions since career life is not something she has any experience with apparently. Then she gets all emotional about marriage, quoting from the Bible like God asked her to create threads on NL and gets defensive when people call her out on inexperience, ignorance and lack of exposure which come from sitting at home and watching the Kardashians.

This post is very laughable.

With your superior sense of reasoning, you can't even decipher what the OP is talking about.

Because you and most of the trolls read to response and not understand, you conjure all sorts in your head and respond.

Where did you'all get the idea that this thread is marriage vs. work?

nnamdiosu:
I actually was captivated by one of your replies in a thread a lady wrote on seeking a man, where you advised her to wait for her own.
Initially I was like, who is this and all.

I had to go through your threads/profile to understand your mind better and your personality. (I do that a lot to know who a person on this forum is/believes in, etc)
And the truth is, you're amazing.

I love your style of writing, honesty and realism. God bless you.

You just gained a follower. Cheers and wishing you a splendid week. Amen

Thank you very much for your kind words.

God bless you.

akaahs:
That is a work/job: it gives you money and the fine things of life however, it can never give fulfillment.......
The above statement should be subjective because some people find fulfillment in their work/job e.g doctors, engineers, nurses etc.
So the statement may not be true in its entirety.

The bold in a post I responded to someone else responds to you.

bukatyne:
I don't think you understand the OP at all.

A work which can grow into a career in exceptional cases is not designed to 'fulfill' you.

It is like saying all you were created to do in life is work.

Only a calling/purpose can.

Now, it is possible although rare that what earns you a living is also your calling. That way, you are lucky enough to kill two birds with a stone.

KanwuliaBaby:
Really?

What is marriage for to you?

We learn everyday.

HiFreda:
Maybe I don't understand the thread.
My thought is this.
Discovering who you are as a person is key and the concept of 'purpose' is based on personal interpretation.
While some people believe that they are on earth for a 'reason', some other people believe that you create your own purpose.
This is multifaceted. Not everyone derives joy and fulfilment from marriage, kids, work, and there is no formula to achieving happiness.
.
If you're basing your argument on your religious point of view, not everyone believes in that.
If you're making an argument on
Marriage vs Work= Fulfilment of Purpose
Then it does even begin to cover the idea of fulfilment of purpose, which some people do not even believe exists.

The only thing I am 'guilty' of on this thread is to say only finding and fulfillment of your purpose will give you the ultimate fulfillment.

Ariza:
Maybe, Maybe not but one thing is certain : If only she works on her presentation of ideas which tend to be more directives than engaging she would have made sense most times and gotten more followers irrespective of gender.

When one conceive an idea, its advisable to think in opposite directions of such ideas I.e other possibilities before coming to conclusions. That way you create a balance then present in the most convincing way that would make people see reasons. It is best to allow people draw their conclusions than impose yours on them. People will revolt! That's what I see happening with Bukat. Yne

The problem you have with my post is not the fact they are 'directives' (every post here apart from opinion polls, real life experiences or issues) actually come out as directives... 'Don't marry a broke man', 'Marry a virgin', 'Cameroon girls are the best in-laws', 'Federal jobs are better than Private jobs', 'APC is crazy', 'PDP is insane' etc.

The problem you have are the content of my posts.

If I said 'women should focus on their jobs' or anything else you agree with, you will be fine with it.

Ariza:
1. Lol... Op stated that some women place wrong emphasis on "Work". Fine, but what is Wrong?

2. Is it wrong for a woman to choose career over marriage? Well to you it is, to Me it's her choice and to others it isn't wrong. We must learn to respect "Choice and Preference ". We live in a dynamic world, people aren't all equal neither do we all have same desires. I don't think it is right to put everyone in a box and design how they should live or what they should do so far their choices aren't threats to humanity. Because the truth is, Marriage isn't for everyone same as WEALTH isn't for everybody. Discover the one that works for you and move along with it.

I will only respond to points 1 & 2;

1. Yes, I did.

2. Can you point anywhere on this thread (on NL is too wide) where I told women to choose family (marriage) over career (I called it work aka earning a living for a reason)?

Plead:
Bukatyne is too old school.

Another title to my name: Old school.

cococandy:
You stated that there is advantage of focusing on marriage over work.

My belief is that there needs be no focus on one over the other. Just a nice balance. Don’t get me wrong I’m not belittling family in favor of work.

@bold:

It is better to lose your two months salary than life servings;

My response was to a specific poster which is below in full:
Work is to provide your means of livelihood: Marriage is for companionship, prevention of adultery and raising godly children.

Marriage like work is also a means to an end.

The advantage of focusing on marriage over work is that you train kids who will carry on with your legacy.

I believe this phrase is in the OP:

That is a work/job: it gives you money and the fine things of life however, it can never give fulfillment. That's why even the very rich after they have made money start to look for causes how they can touch the lives of people positively or negatively.

That is not to say we should not be productive or resourceful. Every human should to the best of their ability be productive in a job, vocation or their calling.

This is in another post to someone on this thread:
Discover your purpose (the hard part), then marry someone who keys into that purpose and vice versa. While at it, you would surely have a work to earn a living.

This thread is sadly not about work vs. family.

It is more of a charge for people not to be so engrossed in making a living that they forget what they are here for.

cococandy:
1) most people can do both with a supportive spouse. That’s what I’d encourage if anyone asks my opinion.

2) I agree that unflinching focus on work can lead to emptiness in other areas of life. (Family life mostly).
I also think that the same focus on family can lead to under fulfillment in other aspects of life. Which includes but is not limited to career life.

I don’t know many people who would disagree that creating a balance between the two is the optimal solution. Hence, I don’t think we even really need to be talking about the issue as if it’s a matter of either this or that. It can be both.

Instead emphasis should be created on more supportive husbands who don’t box their wives into a frame. And encourage women to know they can do more if they wish to and be successful at it too.

Cococandy:

Can you point in my OP where I even talked about women focusing on marriage at all?

I stated on this thread that work is a means to an end; I also stated that marriage is a means to an end and why I think focusing on marriage to the exclusion of other things is because one will bring up kids that will leave a lasting legacy.

If one accuses me of saying we should focus on our purpose or calling, ok.
If one tells me not everyone has a purpose, that is another discussion.
If one says some people's purpose is marriage (someone said that on a thread I opened years back), I would say I don't agree.

The above are points I would expect anyone who read the OP to understand to bring out.

1. Please I would appreciate the thread is kept clean;
2. Bukatyne stands for some things, coming to my thread over and over and over again to rant makes no sense;
3. Alternate monikers trolling me is stale. Imagine I read a post of someone saying they have always known bukatyne bla bla and the person just registered a week back? Did the person spend the whole week going through all my posts here?

I will be back to answer posts on the thread shortly.

Good morning everyone.

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Wishing you fruitful week
Please, stay safe

Congratulations on your growth.

Wike's demolition of the erring hotels questions his judgement as a leader and capacity to think.

Fining them or closing them down for a while or using them as isolation centers would have made more sense and beneficial.

Except it has political undertones or he wants to start his own hospitality business and clearing competitors.

Hathor5:
2. If we were more rational and less selfish, we would contribute less to the quota, not more.

3. Really? You think the older generations were less selfish? No, they weren't. They had their own selfish reasons but still selfish. Humans have always been selfish and always will be.

6. It's you assuming that you know what is best for other ladies and I would love to know what makes you think so and also what gives you the authority.

7. It still is the convention. Tell an African parent that you don't want to get married or don't want to have children and see what happens. The fact that some parents want their daughters to get an education first is a good thing, not a bad thing. And if for some people work is more important than starting a family, what is your own stake in it? I am sorry but I have the impression that you take it too personally that others choose a different lifestyle from yours.

You know nothing about me.

You are starting to derail the thread with insinuating and inferring things not on my post.

You don't know my lifestyle so can't pinpoint someone's life 'different' from mine.

An average lady has her B.Sc. before she gets married and has some sort of job or vocation so I don't understand where education or lack of is coming in.

And where did I state or assume knowing anything about you?

Thank you for your contributions on the thread.

A woman is to beautify the life of a man how the love of a man makes a woman glow and flourish.

That said, change can only originate from the person so any agent of change is on her own.

Organize a man's life, good one.

Tolerate: we have to tolerate one another, nobody is perfect.

Hathor5:
I will respond to this post knowing it was not directed at me.

1. These are your religious views on marriage and I respect them because I respect religious freedom.

2. What I don't buy is that people get married to fulfill a purpose that serves a greater good.

3. People get married and have children for very selfish reasons. Let us not deceive ourselves.

4. It does not negate the fact that they want to get it right and according to their own guiding principles but getting married and having children is a selfish need first and foremost. Not that there is anything wrong with it.



No.

I don't know.

I didn't know it until five minutes ago but I certainly am a multi-purpose person.

5. I think that we all want to have a sense of fulfillment and most of us think that a family of our own will contribute to this fulfillment.

6. This is why I wonder why you have taken it upon yourself to tell people to consider the importance of starting a family of their own.

7. This is the convention, innit?

I tried relating points 1 - 4 to my post you quoted however, I could not. I was replying to the poster how they all tie together. I will answer it anyways.

1. Ok

2. I stated the reasons for marriage. The children part is contributing your own quota to the world. The way the earth is populated is by birthing children who will replace us. We now ensure that those children turn out well.

3. That is actually where the problem of the modern marriage started.

4. Hmmmmm.

5. A family of ours truly contributes to the sense of fulfillment.

6. I take it upon myself to tell people especially ladies to do it well aka marry the right person because it makes fulfilling their purpose easier and rids the society of weak marriages producing weak legacies and several complaints. But if you are my asking me why, then you don't understand the thread

7. It was the convention before we started hearing 'work before marriage' or 'work is more important'.

We are waiting for you to bless the world with the stuffs you have inside of you.

mission08:
And if you don't have kids?

Don't have or don't want to have?