₦airaland Forum

He must have been so so exhausted.

God bless him.

You can't take this woman's beauty from her.

Even without makeup, she is stunning for a 40+ woman

REDBUNNY:
I'm glad you're a woman, until one day you marry a man who maltreats you and probably want sex after physically abusing you then because you're angry you refuse. He will beat you, tear your clothes and have his way with you over and over again
After all he has everlasting consent.

If a husband is physically abusive, then the issue should be addressed.

But is there everlasting consent? Yes.

And it goes both ways.

unmask:
How people get to know these details is beyond me.....

Smile on her face
Her husband not satisfying her
Raised a good girl
Had a friend she confided in

This is typically what Hollywood does....making any bad thing look good and vice versa

They put a flesh to the story to make it more relatable.

I am surprised there are ladies that actively seek to the married to pastors.

They would be in love with the pastor:

A charismatic man who is very patient, fantastic listener, never condemns you and is always willing to pray through any problem with you.

If he is now rich and handsome, perfect.

The wife however knows that while the congregation sees the pastor, she knows the man.

In a Christian marriage, everlasting consent has been given on the wedding day so ideally, there is nothing like rape.

A man can be a selfish lover, a poor lover, an inconsiderate lover, bodily harm his wife, be violent etc.

However to rape his wife as we define rape, no.

@Beating: if she is tired of it, she should seek a redress. We all have the gift of self-preservation, she should use it.

Further investigation is required.

If he had been violent prior, his reaction should be trying to get through to the girlfriend in the rest room and not committing suicide.

Sometimes, the really is stranger than fiction.

God console his family.

After reading the whole account I believe the guy's version of the events.

It is very possible that the guy promised the lady a real relationship in between.

UceeGod:
The world is moving to a point where rape allegations will be ignored. With increase in real rape cases, I see a world where real rapist will start going scot-free. That's exactly what the devil wants.

That's why I think false rape allegations should carry same penalty as rape itself.

Else, real rape victims would never get justice.

kennygee:
This is sad.

Just cause they were friends with benefits doesn't mean that a rape cannot occur.

A rape kit would have helped her case if a rape really happened.

But rape kits even dey naija?

The conversation is unnatural.

After rape, a lady asks what if she gets pregnant and the guy prescribes a DIY contraceptive?

Acidosis:
No one is talking about the secretary lol


To marry is becoming one of the scariest things ever.

Wetin concern the secretary na?

It is funny how everyone is treating the oga's wife like the one at fault when she is actually the wronged party.

Hmmmm.

@genq:

I could flip the narrative and say because a number of women can cater for themselves, they really do not need men.

Here in Nigeria, most earning wives jointly provide with the husbands in addition to handling most of the chores.

In fact, if all a man can bring to the table today is provision of money, he is fast becoming a liability.

Men particularly need a working marriage for old age.

Children really really love to perform in the presence of their parents.

They outdo themselves.

Husbandman:
Looks like you understand what I'm going through. Thanks for sharing your experience with me. I guess I should try that while I tell her the peles. Maybe when she has a child it will stop. It's natural to cry but not any slightest opportunity like mistakenly kick leg against stone, or slightly bruise hand against wall. Something a 5 year old girl would just winch about.
Infact the last time this happened, I told her Pele and told her to stop crying like a child, immediately she stopped and was very angry with me.

@last paragraph:

It seems she's just a drama queen.

Don't feed the drama; only give her attention when she communicates properly.

Also ensure that you are emotionally available so she doesn't revert to drama.

Cutebabiesmum:
The lady is married and having accommodation issue. She live with her parent and her parent are not really old like that. My husband can go after anything on skirt, I am 100% sure of that. It is just a pity I end up with such man and the most annoying part of it is he's 1min man. I swear to God he can't do more than 1min and can't also do more than 1 round in a day

You are sounding like Tonto.

He is a 1 min man, does only one round and chases everything in skirts.

Does he have sex only once with them cos I doubt they will come for a repeat performance.

Have you caught him cheating before?

Why/How did you get married to him?

LordKO:
@OP

I don't like to be an agent of bad news and I don't think you'll like to hear the bitter truth about what your wife's attitude portends, she's penchant for ...

Emotional blackmail?

celeb4reallife:
What would you advise a lady who is Afriad of sex, commitment in relationship and scared of getting married due to horrible past experience?
Do you think is normal? Please your view on this.

Fear of sex and commitment/marriage are totally different issues.

Do you care to explain more?

Cutebabiesmum:
Good evening beautiful people, not like am suspecting my husband but I want to hear people opinion. There's this lady with 2 kids that is staying with her parent in our compound. I heard their landlord evicted her and her husband and they have not been able to raise money and get another apartment so she brought her two kids to stay with her parent while her husband squat with someone else.
I normally hear this lady greet my husband "good morning sir" "afternoon sir" I mean she always add sir anytime she's greeting him. But recently she stopped greeting him even if she come to our apartment to charge phone(their apartment light was disconnected and they haven't pay their bills). Just some months ago, someone from our compound told me my husband is giving this lady feeding money(a married woman o) I didn't believe the amebo because I have been the one financing almost everything in that house including paying my son's school fees because oga said he's broke which I believe him.
Is it possible he's dating the lady or am just getting worried over nothing? Please don't mind all my grammatical error because am not in good mood now at all

You are sounding like a typical Nigerian wife already.

@Feeding money: you told us she is currently stranded with her aged mom and kids. How does he giving her money equate to giving a married woman feeding money?

@her not greeting your husband: it could be as a result of jealousy, sadness for their situation, reminiscing on the past etc. It could also be your mind playing games.

Going from past precedence, has your husband cheated on you, flirted with other women? Were you a side chic turned wife?

I think you and hubby should have better communication channels.

I also think you should apply yourself more. If have a reason to suspect your husband, investigate critically before coming to a conclusion.

Goodluck.

Planet3xi:
My apologiesm didn't know you was married.

It's all good.

LordKO:
Healthy living advisor extraordinaire.

Kudos.

Gracias.

Optimus212:
1. God bless U real good.

2. As for d mode of dressing & looks, I believe am at d top of my game, one of d things she brags to outsiders about. She always compliment my fashion sense & extra great taste for good colognes which she says I spend fortunes on.

3. As for sexual performances, by God's grace am blessed sexually which she can also attest to.

4. I am still trying to figure out why these acts, she's complaining I use to insult her. My brother, is cautioning someone insult? There are things I don't like, if I take drastic measures or refuses to adhere to her suggestions, she gets mad & later uses sex as a weapon against me.

5. I cnt be pleading to a woman I legally married for sex, its un-manly. I have stopped all advances, let's see where this her pride will lead us to. Its jst that I dnt want to go out again cos of d kids.

6. But I'll try to resist her for as long as I can. Thank God i have something doing. I have my own firm.

1. You are welcome

2. Good one

3. Hmmmmm

4. We are not there when you 'cautioned' her so yes, correction if not done respectfully and in love will be disrespectful. I would have said maybe she felt disrespected however, playing with you till it's time for sex is odd. As per suggestions, depends on what it is on, how your family is run, validity of previous suggestions and stakeholders in the matter.

5. I agree it is unbecoming for anyone to beg their spouse for sex. It is abnormal.

6. Good for you.

Bossjakande:
The most romantic thing some women have heard in over 20yrs of marriage is, "Mama Caro spread your legs". I kid you not. The poor woman have become frigid cold because we live in a society that tells her not to discuss sex.
She can't moan when she's enjoying it and she can't complain when the sex is bad. Any attempt to do this two is termed promiscuous. So she just stays there and act normal.
It's not as if the pounding is that great Ohh. Ten to fifteen thrusts and he has released. Poaaaaah... He's a one minute man that boasts of his sex life at the beer parlour. How I wish Mama Caro can be present at those boasting sessions to burst him.
I'm not encouraging infidelity here oh. The day that woman mistakenly falls into the hands of a man that understands the dynamics of sex, she's a goner.
The likes of Papa Caro belongs to the stone age. Men that thinks sex is for the man alone. So he buys her expensive gifts (If she can afford it) to prove he's a man.
The funny thing is that some women have started preaching their frigidity to their daughters. Again like I said earlier, woe betides that mother the day that girl falls into the hands of a man that understands the dynamics of sex.
Papa Caro, Sex is not what you jump start the moment hop into bed. Sex is built from the first hour of the day.
The vagina and Penis are the last frontiers when it comes to sex. The first sex tool is the mind. The mind must be properly stimulated before the first touch.
Look Papa Caro, Mama Caro should be wet by mere hearing your voice alone. She should be in the mood before you even off your clothes because you have painted the picture of what's going down before you get down.
There is something called "kissing".
There is something called touching of breast.
There is something called sucking of breast.
There is something called caressing of clitoris and if you don't know what clitoris is, go back to biology class.
All these must and should happen before you enter her Jerusalem. By the time you are doing this Her Jerusalem should be waterlogged. This is when your have the permission to put your Holy Rod into her Jerusalem.
Papa Caro, by the time you begin to hear different ringtones, don't be scared or worried. You are only fulfilling the commandment of your creator.
Like I said the other day. Your tongue is also a sex tool, use it. I also admonish you to stop boasting about your sex life at the beer parlour. The loudest guy in the room is usually the weakest. cococandy ahnie sisisioge canadianNaija kanwuliaExtra sinaj geekybabe yettymuse eyinjuege ishilove bukatyne daeylar nwanyiawkaetiti uyailncomparabl dollyjoy cerowo Victorian queensekxy sinaj afribabe pocohantas skarlett primadonnaO biglittlelois funmisticqueen bukatyne buharifanatic refiner ahcb xhosanostra ubunja rosalieene Rosalie rosieluv geekybabe vizkiz biafrabushboy ifyalways ayamconfidence boyooosa.
www.jakandeola.com

Good awareness as regards sexual fulfillment in marriage.

Optimus212:
Hi Nairalanders....Please Admin, help me push to Front Page, i'm in dire need of people's opinions.

Pls ignore my writing skills because the way the matter be, my head dey shake like this.

My story is brief.

I am married to my wife & we're blessed with 3 kids,
..My wife starves me of sex over minor issues, even when we've settled by my apologies & me assisting remarkably well in house chores.
There was a period 2 years back she starved me of sex for 4 months because of one little misunderstanding we had back then which was unbearable for me & made me to cheat on her,..And my relationship lasted for more than a year with that lady.

Right now she (my wife) has started again with same attitude, its going to a month now. I am confused because I don't want to cheat on her again. What do i do? Should i keep facing such punishment? For how long? Or, should i file for a divorce? Don't you think such attitude will have reoccurrences in time coming?. It is disturbing me badly because I find it difficult to be sleeping alone at nite without her by my side. I have begged & begged her to let whatever anger towards me that is deposited in her to just die off, yet to no avail. The funny thing is, we'll discuss and play very well before going to bed but, whenever I start making advances towards her, she shows up a different attitude.

I am confused!! It is really really disturbing me. How & where did I go wrong?.

Pls, matured advices only, you can insult me too, of course its Nairaland but, I need serious advice, I am very worried.
Thanks.

I am happy you have realized that adultery kills a marriage so we know that is a no.

From all your posts on this thread, I would say that you have a healthy libido and you are still sexual interested in your wife (I would guess she is still sexy/good looking).

Your wife knows this and has decided to make it a weapon.

I do not know what the problem is however, of she can laugh with you and relate normally till it is time for sex, then it is a non-issue except if she is psychotic or she has issues with your sexual performance.

You know why playing with her, doing more chores etc. Would not work in your case? Because you are rewarding bad behavior. She misbehaves and you keep dancing round to please her. It has registered that if I sexual starve my husband, he will bend over to please me.

If the issues she had with you was not giving her attention or not helping with chores etc, the above would have helped.

Don't just reward bad behavior in your spouse.

What is the solution?
1. Engage her once again, apologize for breaching the trust in your marriage and assure her that you have never cheated again. Whatever the issues are, look into them genuinely and adjust where needed.

If she does not change, then:

Learn how to control yourself sexually. It will be hard however, don't let her feel you cannot do without her.

Stop playing with her or giving her attention. If she ignores your sexual needs, ignore her need for attention and learn to be self sufficient. If she wouldn't cook, feed yourself. Whatever leverage she has on you, learn to provide or beat it.

By now, she would start trying to get your attention by throwing more tantrums... Let her be. If she offers you sex because she is turned on, don't oblige her.

If you do not care about your appearance prior to now, please do. Change your haircut, mode of dressing, get good cologne etc.

When she finally comes around genuinely (not because she needs sex or something else), respectfully lay down the ground rules. If she has issues with you, discussion is the way to go.

Now, if after first engagement, she says your sex life is the problem, get self help books on sex and seduction and up your game in the bedroom.

In all of this, do not cheat or behave in any manner that you will have a blame.

Couples should not treat sex as a treat or reward. It is a duty (I am even taking live out of the equation) you pledged to do.

Goodluck.

Planet3xi:
We are waiting . my fingers crossed

Hahahahaha

I wish I could decipher your previous moniker.

Optimus212:
Being sincere is now a crime right? U are single & knows nothing about marriage OK. Face ur boyfriend, girlfriend matter. When u're wise enough,..The gods will notify you.

@OP, I will be back.

ajebuter:
.

Now that's another Spanish musician to die for..

Enriquer lnglessia..

As in.....

Slow down - Bobby Valentino
R. Kelly songs
Girl in the life magazine - BoysIImen
Flying without wings - Westlife
Love don't cost a thing - JLo
Waving Flag - Knaan
You raise me up - Westlife
Whitney Houston - Love is the greatest of all
All my life - KC and Jojo
You are still the one - Shania Twain
From this moment - Shania Twain
One night - The Corrs
Micheal Jackson songs
Some Celine Dion
You are my Friend - Chris De Burg
Show me Heaven - Marie Mckee
Coat of many colors - Dolly Parton
Paradise - Phil Collins
Lady in red
Sacrifice - Elton John
Kiss from the rose - Sean
I am a survivor - Destiny's
I am a ghetto child
Let me love you - Mario
I wanna know what turns you on - Joe
Chris Brown's I need a boo

.
.
.
.
.
.
And many more.

I love songs not the noise of today.

ajebuter:
1..Let's talk about sex ( Salt' N ' Pepa)
2. Fly Girl ( Queen Latifah.
3.. Paradise + Phil Collins)
4..Endless Love ( Diana Ross and Luther Vandross
5.. Thriller ( Michael Jackson)
6. Can't touch this. (MC Hammer)
7. Thong Song ( Sisco)
8...7 Days ( Craig David)
8. Mr Loverman (Shabba Rank)
9 Survival ( Destiny Child)
10..Burning Up ( R-Kelly)
11. A song for Mama ( Boys 2 Men)
12..When a man loves a Woman ( Michael Bolton)
13.. Not Enough a Man (Toni Brazton)
14 Are you that Somebody ( Aaliyah)
15. Doesn't Matter (Janet Jackson)
16...l want it that way ( Black street Boys)
17..l wanna know ( Joey)
18..I'm Alive ( Celine Dion)
19..Where do Broken Hearts Go ( Whitey Houston
20..End of the Road (Boy 2 Men)
21..California Love (Tupac ).
22 Missing You ( Faith Evan).
23.More Money ,More Problem (Notorious BIG)
14..Unleash the Dragon(Sisco)
25..I love you (Nelly)
26..Independent Woman ( Destiny Child)
27..I'll Make Love to You (Boy 2 Men)
28..Sweetest Taboo (Shade Adu)
29..The Boy is Mine (Brandy and Monica)
30...I'm Ready to Love (Montel Jordan)
31..Unbreak My Heart (Toni Braxton)
32..Got Money (Lil Wayne)
33..Clothes of Many Colors ( Dolly Parton)
34.Waiting to Exhale (Whitney Houston)
35..Hero (Marian Carey)

Damn! I love music..

I preferred Enrique's Spanish version.

WHITELIGHTER:
I have said this one zillion times, it's way to expensive cheating especially for the married folks. By the way, why cheat when already married? That questions still need to be answered properly

I also need answers.

I understand fornication; I don't understand adultery.

MissRaine69:
Religious men = hypocrisy, rules and narrow mindedness

Mostly true.

Hmmmmmm

Any reason why?