₦airaland Forum

crackhaus:
You have done enough justice to this, bravo.

Thank you.

OlawaleBammie:
ooohh continue na. why u go stop der?? abeg a dey feel u pls continue

Hahahaha, I am done o.

eyinjuege:
In fact, I tire.
Most problems in marriage happen because spouses dont put themselves in the other's shoes.
If we all applied the golden rule of "Do unto others as you want done to you", many will be in happier marriages, and the difficulties of life won't appear so overwhelming.

Nigerian marriages right from time doesn't run by that principle.

If a woman can't make sense of a Nigerian marriage, she should steer clear of a Nigerian man.

And may I stare that some wives are so dysfunctional that the only man they can respect is a Nigerian man.

I have seen examples of wives who sit up after serious handling by their husbands.

Demand and Supply.

Planet3xi:
Don't carry God into public domains. We may have other discontentment but should keep it from discouraging non Christians lest we push them away from the light. In this walk, we learn to look away from many things.

Hahahaha

qereshi:
Oga please I am not perfect at all, please read what I wrote, it is not about me alone, what about the quarrel with her siblings that has remained unsettled for years till now, what about her mum?. ...

What do you want?

I listened to a pastor who addressed this on Friday.

The Church is breeding depressed members because all they teach is how you be blessed, how God wants us to succeed, how we will be the head, how we should sow seeds, how we will suffer if we do not pay tithes etc.

They have made poor people feel like there is something wrong with them or their last hope (God) does not want to answer them.

The numerous contributions the church expects nko?

The need to connect our decisions and the consequences is paramount.

We better go back to preaching about the joy of the Lord being our strength.

We need it.

Wheezy123:
You can never ever compare a cheating husband to a cheating wife. When a woman cheats, the life of the husband is at stake

I see

MizMyColi:
Same to you ma.

I've been well

Hope you have been fine too?

So good to read from all of you again, including Crackshaus.

We are good thanks.

Hahahaha @ the last line.

crackhaus:
You just dey turn round and round trying to play the two sides and at the same time still be on the fence.

Your summary is you understand the man's plight, so what has not being able to stand the average Nigerian man got to do with it when you already seem to understand the plight of the average Nigerian man?

I am not playing the two sides, I am looking at it from both angles.

The wife is looking at things logically; however I would wager that prior to now, the man did not do chores or whatever.

I understand the man's reasoning however it is absurd to me so the best decision is to steer clear. I mean, some people's are already saying it's disrespectful to ask your husband to wash plates. (let's not deal with the manner she requested now).

I wouldn't marry such and start crying foul later.

Again the man leaving seems to me that they have been having friction on duties traditionally considered the wife's that she longer wants to keep up with.

I would like to hear from the husband if possible.

P.S. : This is why house husbandry would not work generally in our culture. A man takes it as his duty to provide. When he is unable, he is not willing to make himself useful in other aspects. So he wants a wife who would be happy providing and handling domestics at same time.

MizMyColi:
She asked you a question. Kindly answer. You're deflecting.

Happy new year ma'am

How have you been?

The funny thing is that this husband would gladly wash the plates and carry madam's bag if it was at work.

That said, we don't know the relationship between them prior to now.

We also do not know the pressure the husband has been going through. It seems like the husband has been visiting his wife at the canteen prior to now so her asking him to wash plates publicly where he was once an oga that the server girls would rally to serve might be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Whether we like it or not, most men are conditioned to see chores as demeaning and below their lofty stations. Done in public would be a castration of their ego.

If the husband had not been involved in chores prior to now, it would be herculean task to get him to do that while he is jobless and prone to interpret everything as been disrespected.

Unfortunately, the wife needs help she can't afford: I have not seen any eat in canteen run by one person.

The solution: the husband sees it as a family business which it is, swallow his pride and work together to make the place more efficient.

While I understand the husband's plight, it is an additional reason why I can't stand the average Nigerian husband.

If the husband had just confessed to his wife.

I am not understanding this current trend of men knowing there is something wrong with them and refusing to speak up.

Madam Rose, weldone.

Anyways, the man should take heart: his wife is carrying his grandson.

Things like this happen all the time. Sometimes, the husband is in the game also.

BlueAir:
if u aren't adulterous, then leave adulterous people to worry about exposing each other

It is a crime to post people's nudes without their consent.

If the men think in their self-righteousness they are better or have the license to extra martial sex because they have a penis, they can notify the husbands privately.

BlueAir:
nobodys stopping u from revealing cheating husbands u open legs for

And you think everybody is as adulterous and indecent as you are.

Sorry, I neither deal with adulterous men/women nor fornicators.

Go look for your dirty playmates.

Wheezy123:
Well, to me i think the guys did well to expose her... If guys can keep exposing cheating women like this, then the world will be a better place.

How about cheating husbands?

Funny how a fornicator thinks he is better than an adulterous wife.

I sometimes wish I could understand how the average Nigerian male reasons.

The things he justifies, hopes to get away with.

It is an amazement.

MrMou:
The ones that allowed themselves to be deflowered by him before marriage don't have sense na! And that's why they're not virgins, man! If they had sense, they'd still be virgins by now.

Worst thing is that the chances of him sleeping with any of those girls he deflowered again is still there whether the girls are married or not! No so the thing dey work!

Once again, avoid non-virgins, man. You can find a girl that will meet all the criteria you're looking for in a wife & still be a virgin.

Very funny.

You and others who reason like you never get it:

It takes two to tango in sexual matters.

The mothers you keep screaming, the men too were also sexually disciplined.

The men cannot okay sexual looseness and someone expect the women in that community to be chaste except if the men are gay.

You want sexual piety?

Be pure yourself and look for someone like you and get married.

Anyways, I do not blame you, I blame the girls who claim to be sexually pure and marry men who have wasted their youth and strength on other women.

@OP: someone has clarified that it is a bogus story. If it were true,

Then those men need to be arrested for smearing her character. The husband is also free to handle the situation as he seems fit.

I also do not understand the hullabaloo about the picture. Cheating is marriages is not such a strange concept.

bokunrawo:
A show glass for your awards and trophies, while museum are being opened to display Your fellow footballer award and do trophies e.g Messi and Ororo

Where is yours displayed oga?

Mike well done.

I must work to impact people and be recognized.

Amen.

Congratulations to Wizkid on getting more recognition in his field.

OruExpress:
Nigerian artists feel that they need America but the truth is America needs them. There's little to no money left in American music. It has cannibalized it's self decades ago and didn't survive the internet wave.

All that remains is a good name. Meanwhile, American artists and companies are stealing from Nigerian artists because they have real momentum behind them. They steal their beats, steal their songs, and have reduced many of our top artists to behind the scenes song writers.

Worst part is the Nigerians feel the Americans are doing them a favor. Even this move by Ciroc to get more Nigerians to drink Ciroc is being seen as a favor done to Wizkid. Like Wizkid had to work to 'deserve this honor' when in reality it's Ciroc that should work to deserve Wizkid .

Hmmmmm

Beautiful, elegant.

The synergy, the formation.

Hopefully I should watch, watched the last one.

Irrespective of the incompetence of the govt in power, one can only look forward.

Nednwoko:
He wrote this below sometime last year, that was how I was able to get a glimpse of who he was. See in quote:

"This sounds interesting. Story not complete. Joeruano complete this story.

Joeruano thanks for completing the story.

I try not to talk about my personal stuff on Nairaland,but will make an exception today and tell a story before commenting on yours.

I am a Niger Deltan like you too,and a couple of months ago,my younger sister got married. I am also the oldest child and my dad is late(RIP) and so I am the Head of the family.

I had known her husband to be for a couple of years,and I know him to be a struggling young man,who is into different businesses and trying to survive.

Sometimes, without telling anyone, I push little contracts for him to handle so as to meet up,since he never once approached me for money considering the fact he knows I am on the okay side.

I liked him then,and I like him now. I wished him my inlaw,which he eventually became. I consider him a younger brother and that was how I treated him.

My Sister too, a beautiful young lady works for one of those organizations that pays in the 200k region . My sister is also a prudent woman who I know does not spend money on petty things.

When it was time for marriage. They approached me,and after giving them my blessing, I agreed they should go ahead and plan their marriage in Lagos. Later my mother started giving me heat that we should not ignore tradition,and out of pressure from more of my mothers family, I asked them to go get the list from the village.

When they brought the list, the young man went into a very sad mood and my sister called me complaining that village people want to destroy her marriage.

I will finish this story tomorrow. I am about to go take care of some personal matters.

Finishing my story.

When I saw the list, to say I was taken aback would be an understatement. They asked for everything there,and then some.

Now let me talk about this my village people and my history with them.

I went straight for my post-graduate degree,after my NYSC,and after graduation, showed up in my community,thinking they will hook me up with one of the Multiple National oil companies there, as a native.

They refused to help in a hostile way,and called me a Yoruba man,since i was born and bred in Lagos. And that the spots for jobs they had was for the people that grew up there,and not for strangers like us.

I left there after weeks hanging around, knocking on different doors. It was the humiliation of how I got to Lagos that still gets me upset. I sold my shoes,belts, trousers and my wristwatch.

I swore to never go to my people again for anything.

But my sister was getting married,and her husband to be did not have the muscle to sort everything out. I wanted to help, but did not want to look desperate as if I am in a hurry to just throw my sister way.

Told them not to worry,and that I will sort everything out when I fly back into the Country. A week later I flew into Nigeria,and called for a meeting with my inlaw to be. I asked him to look at the list and see what he can afford there. And when he picked the little things he could shoulder, I told him to bring the cash equivalent,and that I will go to the village myself to beg on his behalf.

I went to my hometown that weekend,and had a meeting with the elders of my family and the community, where I presented them with everything they asked for. I told them my inlaw had provided them to me in Lagos. They got their complete list,as I had swore me or any of my family members will never beg them for anything again.

The only thing they did was send a 5 man village representative to Come for the traditional wedding in Lagos,and that I took care of too.

My sister got married because big brother would not let traditionalists hold her marriage to ransom. They got what they wanted, and everybody is happy.

Not everyone I understand has a brother, or even anyone willing to stick it out for them to make sure their marriage works,as regards meeting the financial burden. And this is why the Tradition of extorting people under the quise of a long lists for marriage should be stopped."

Hmmmm.

What a legacy.

May God console all he left behind.

praxs:
Do we consider people like don jazzy as unsuccessful

There are stages in life.

Don Jazzy is a successful business man.

50yrs down the line, in addition to his business, we might want to take into cognizance how he fares family wise.

Success varies per stage.

A student of 15yrs will be successful if she clears her final exams; we would scream if she gets married.

45yrs down the line, if she managed to pull off an Omotola, we will all comment on how successful she is.

CrazyPros:
Personal reasons. Sorry I can't divulge here.

No problems.

Have a great day.

praxs:
You consider marriage to be part of success

A fantastic one, yes.

asuustrike1:
That is it. Same way many Nigerians are criticizing pastors and politicians and are asking questions concerning certain matters, I think this should be extended to certain cultural practices. We need to start asking questions.
For example what has the use of only righthand to accept a thing got to do with a better society?if a man or woman lost her right hand would you because of cultural belief regret gift from him? Would the acclaimed gods strike the receiver death for receiving from a lefthand person? . We claim to practice these main religion ( christian and islam) yet many of us still select which law to kept. Secondly what has eating meat before taking a meal got to do with greed as buttressed by many Nigerians? Aren't people still greedy even when they eat before chewing meat?
Personally I have dropped some of those practices because I saw no need for them.

Ish with lefties and the left hand is not a Nigerian or African thing.

asuustrike1:
That is not true.

Ok

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handshake

It is general courtesy to shake with the right.

Only Scouts shake with left because they are saluting with the right hand.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/culturally-inappropriate-things-tourist-do-holiday-travel-left-hand-smiling-taxi-tipping-chopsticks-a7557091.html%3famp

Left hand frowned upon in India, Nepal and middle East

CodeTemplar:
It is all about being in the position of power. The average African elder will gladly profess his preference for whatever favours him and massages his ego.
Will that same man walk away if a letter of 200% salary increase is handed to him with left hand? I don't think so.

In a professional setting, they wouldn't offer you such with their left hand.

Our customs are clear on the use of left hand to hand something.

All the lefties I know have mastered passing things with their right hand while they do other stuffs with their left.

@People screaming we are 'backward', 'arcahic' etc please note that foreign business men learn the cultures of the land before visiting.

For instance, no one would visit the queen of England without kneeling or curtesying in greeting.

CrazyPros:
Like I mentioned, each stage in life presents a challenge, I'm 29 now, some of my friends are getting married, most have a car or two, most have a stable job, society will expect me to tow the same line to be called a success.

But I say Bleep it, I'm not planning to get married, scratch that, I don't own a car even though I earnestly desire it, I'm a freelancer.

By my own standard, I'm successful, I can fend for myself, travel to any part of the country I wish. And working towards my retirement as obviously, I may not have kids. In my minds eye, I'm successful.

Why don't you want marriage and kids?

anonymous96:
From the comments I have been reading, one thing is clear, there are a lot of misogynistic men on nairaland

Where are they?