₦airaland Forum

Akuruoulo:
who told u he knew ?

The story says he did.

234GT:
But the lady did nit have Mercy on him when she was cheating abi? Cheating is more than sex with another person. It is more than fucking. It is a sacrilege. If I am not good enough for you, please tell me and leave me. Dont be with me and sleep with another man. It is sacrilege!

Thank God you know it is a sacrilege.

Men who cheat should note.

Please make no mistake; if the guy called a family meeting and said he couldn't go on immediately he could out she was a cheat, he has my blessings.

I am not supporting the lady in this matter.

Tehlu:
True. But there's a difference between offering encouragement for your partner to improve themselves, and hounding them about their shortcomings. Most people in relationships confuse the latter for the former. You should love your partner for the person they are, right here and now, because you can't really make someone change unless they want to.

If you nudge them to improve and they don't, what then?

About the hounding, I agree.

@last paragraph: That's what courtship and dating is for.

234GT:
I had to log in to counter your claim that the guy would not find mercy. That's not true. Goodness and mercy will always follow him all the days of his life IJN.
Ladies are more wicked than Lucifer.

I don't understand how ladies open their legs to multiple men within the same period. Lucifer is a learner where ladies dey!

Part of the Lord's prayer...

Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

He would not find mercy, it is quite simple.

Remember the story of Joseph and Mary in the Bible? Mary was pregnant with Jesus when he had not touched her and they were engaged to be married.

Joseph thought and slept over the best way to end the engagement without bringing shame to Mary and the Bible counted it as righteousness.

Should he have ended the marriage rites at the point he knew? Depends on his principles and situation.

Some people do not think at all.

A man proposes to you, you tell him you have kids.

He does not miss a beat, show anger/disappointment at being deceived, pocket the ring and walk out.

No reaction at all.

And common sense does not tell you that he is up to something very very sinister.

Nobody who genuinely loves you would not be hurt by that and pull back.

If after several pleading he continues, that is a different story.

eni4real:
Created for a woman ??

Men need Marriage too. We do not really need it while young. But as we grow older, Marriage is what every man will desire..

You are a wise man.

[quote author=kamez post=78771006][/quote]Wait, the guy has married in Church?

I don't believe the story anymore.

As in he said his vows in church before saying he is no longer interested?

And I only hope people supporting this nonsense are just trolling as usual.

Is a person free to end an engagement as soon as they find out the other party is cheating?

Absolutely!

However waiting till that day shows the people is evil and actually good riddance to bad Rubbish.

And he better begs the girl for forgiveness and go to God in prayers of repentance else he would never find mercy.

NobleAngell:
It was wrong for him to end it on the wedding day, that's if he knew before then. That lady will not forget this humiliation in a hurry.
But again, its better it ends before it begins than to live a miserable life just to save face.

But he knew before the wedding day.

SageMK:
I applaud the guy really.

I don't understand why people are sympathizing with the bride and calling the guy wicked and all that. I mean he is the one hurting here. It was supposed to be his day.

Look at him all dressed up in that suit for Pete's sake.

Who cares if she was embarrassed and disgraced?
Who cares about the jollof rice wasted? (the guests lol)

This doesn't compare to the agony & pain he would've experience if her cover wasn't blown. She would've bore him bastards to raise as his own. So who fúcking cares?

Really?

Would it make sense to you if the tables were turned?

bread2dey:
please my fellow nairalander, i need your advice..

My late brother who based in Indonesia, came back to the village earlier this year January to get married to his lover but died three days after he got wedded, before this scenario, he was strongly advice by some villagers not to get married to the girl, but went on deaf ears. the girl who is now a suspect of having a hand in my brother's death, is now demanding for my late brother's property 7 days after his death, thou there is a rumor that she is pregnant for my brother. please i need advice on how to handle this, thank you all

Did the wedding happen in January or May?

Nigerians are so fixated about controlling and been controlled that they do not understand the concept of love and mutual respect.

It is either a man is treating a woman like trash to show he is on top or a woman treating a man like trash because he respects her as a gentleman.

Na una sabi.

Tehlu:
True talk.

How to tell if you're with a controlling woman:

- You call or text her, not because you want to, but because she'll complain if you don't.

- You both get along well, but things fall apart whenever you say no to her.

- She'll tell you not to do something, but when she does that thing it's no big deal.

- She regularly "suggests" what you should wear, and then throws a tantrum when you don't go with her "suggestion" .

- She's entitled and makes you feel inadequate. Doesn't appreciate anything you do, regularly comparing you to her exes/other guys.

She manipulates and guilt-trips you into doing what she wants. She expects you to compromise because of love, but isn't willing to do the same, and she always wants to have her way!

My brothers, run away from such a woman. She will make your life miserable and, as she's always looking to level up, she'll leave you at the first opportunity. A woman who truly loves you will be content with you as you are.

Is this the definition of control?

Is it even sane for anyone to stay with this kind of partner (male or female)?

As per last paragraph: anyone who lives you would nudge and support you to be better than you were yesterday.

I don't believe this lady walked from her house to the store naked.

There must be another explanation.

I thought it was the other way round

Why do old men like to shag young girls?

Not absorbing any party of blame though.

It is supply and demand.

Missperplexity0:
thats what am baffled about too because he's always like if I don't have you, nobody will and this we've come a long way than to end it here, lemme set some things straight, I only made a clip that doesn't show my face, all the pictures and videos he showed me were either taken while I was asleep naked or coming out of the shower..... they are clips am not aware of

So the pictures are without your permission.

Ask him what he gains from the relationship. Or has he invested a lot? His 'we have come a long way to end this' suggests that.
Are you above his social status that he sees you as an achievement?
Dies he see you as a conquest?

I would assume that he is beating you because you do things he finds offensive.

Please note I am not holding brief for him. I am trying to get you to understand why he is holding on to the relationship.

crismark:
Thank you 4 dis...

After all d advice i got frm dis forum, family nd friends, i came to a conclusion dat my decision on dis stands.

Trust d reason has gone beyond me being shy. Its nw a case of being a man. If she doesnt agree wit it she shuld find anoda man afterall she is jst 24.

I don't know about been a 'man'.

All I know is that lovers make compromises for each other and make the other party priority in their decision making.

Missperplexity0:
i don't even have the heart to do that and moreover this secret is like to cause divorce between my parent and also tarnish my father reputation because he's a respectable priest and oversees our church headquarter

Omo, someone shouldn't have a child like you.

SweetBuns:
I knew idiots like you would like to quote me for cheap "likes".
When sex goes wrong, why do the females have to bear the brunt?
You put it out as if she was the one who took the camera and snapped the pics. Was she the one? No!
It was one sick MAN ,a childish bastard who doesn't understand that sex is a secret and intimate act that must not be put in record. So how is it her fault? Did you know if the poor lady knew about the videos or not?? You're bearing false witness on something you don't know! Disgusting!!!!
Its clear that you can't reason beyond your nose before thinking of the " likes" you will have. Slowpoke

Don't make the girl look more stupid than necessary.

A man who his not your husband records sex videos of you and you let him?

@OP: weigh the risk of staying or leaving and shoot your shot.

You can also explore telling your family so they threaten him and you can leave.

However, I am curious: why doesn't he want to let you go? Why is he using all the weapons in his arsenal to ensure he keeps you?

Cc: Missperplexity0

delugajackson:
Asslicking at its finest.

Very soon you will begin to defend her opinion on every thread, fight her online battles and degrade your fellow guys on Nairaland for a hollow crevice you have not seen.

Not necessarily

Any lisa something on this thread is a suspect.

Modified: I see you @LisaAnne.

I am behaving like an agbaya now, I know

Dabota and her husband did same and still broke up months after.

You guys get your heads screwed tight and work on your marriage if there are issues.

Happy wedding anniversary.

CreepyBlackpool:
Mr op I must tell you, you're acting quite dumb and immarture!

I advice you call her right now, apologise and agree to her terms.

Fvck her and then dump her the next morning!


She never loved you.

She only wants to marry you so she can spite/show off to her friends!

In your mind, having sex with her is a punishment?

When ladies start to see sex is a tradeoff, you complain.

crismark:
I met dis girl abt 6months ago, we fell inlove deeply i proposed to her last month, she accepted nd tins were fine until last week wen we were making all neccesary arrangements 4 both traditional nd white wedding.


I let her made all d decisions except for the pre-wedding pics. I told her dere woz nt goin to be any pre-wedding pics nd dat woz how wahala started.


Tho d reason i took dat decision was because i am a very shy person. Her own reason why dere must be pre wedding pics was more like its a competition btw her crew... It led to a heated arguement which made her left nd told me nt to call her again, i told her nt to call me either until she has agreed to my decision. Since den i havent gotten her call or text.


What would u advice me to do?


NB: She is frm a wealthy home plus she has her own moni( she work in a multinational company). I own an ICT business at ikeja.


Also, because pride i lost a relationship wit a girl( i really loved dis one) i met on dis forum last year.

For me, 6 months is too short for courtship.

I don't know why prior to now, you were not so involved in the planning however it seems your input would not have been concerned important if she is not willing to reason with you.

Also, in order circumstances, I would have said meet her in the middle: take the pictures, don't add to any gift you would share but do a banner of it on the wedding day.

But now that her showoff to her friends is more important than what you feel or why you even feel it, you are on a long thing.

Give her a timeframe in your mind. If she doesn't call you, call her and ask if she is still willing to go ahead with the wedding.

If she is willing, you want no pictures or you do a work around like I suggested above.

If no, cancel all plans.

I think these jokes are actually in bad taste.

OROSUNBOLB:
This is not the girl he should have married. She is just one of the gold-diggers on prowl! Ndidi should be wise ; he has just a few years to spend in his professional career. When the hard currencies stop coming in ,only then will he understand what I am saying now. GO FOR TRUE LOVE! I have experienced it; it"s sweet!

This is after the fact na.

What is our business?

Planet3xi:
If it ain't one of my most respectful lady on the forum. What's your take on the palaver ma'am?

I agree with the OP.

Modern day churches especially those that report to a center or HQ strike me as business centers.

Because of my level of involvement, I can't even spiritualize tithes and offerings again.

It is a revenue generating venture for me.

Yes, I know that tithes and offering us to bring meat in the house (church). However, the meat is to feed the needy and full time pastors.

If after bringing tithes and offering, you still task the same needy to do things in the church; if the full time pastors are paid peanuts, then what can we say?

djlinda77:
· Been married for 7years
· With 2 beautiful kids.
· Password on her phone for over two years
· I didn’t really bother, the level of trust was high
· Her reason for the password was because of the kids.
· At some point I started having doubts about her 100%. loyalty
· Some months ago while having conversation she jokingly. said we rushed into getting married.
· Yesterday, I discovered she registered on a dating site as single, no children, not her picture
· Interested in men between 33 to 38
. She described herself as “ I don’t pretend and I love people who don’t”
· Although the account is yet to be activated. No chat, no message
· Account was registered in Jan, 2019
· I confronted her, she said ladies at time do some funny things and this is one of them.
· She also put the blame on me, that am not always around.
· I work my asss off for her and the children.
· She was not remorseful at first as she claimed it wasn’t a big deal
· I left the room, slept in the sitting room,
· Called her dad around 11pm, wanted to speak to me
· Told him I can’t speak in the state of mind I was at that moment.
· Came to the sitting room early this morning, begging for forgiveness.
· I am not seeing her as my wife anymore.
· I believe there are so much more to be discovered
· There could be another dating site that she’s active on.
· I am confused
· I requested for her account statement for 2018 still date.
· Want to review if another man has been sending her money.
· Please I need advice from matured minds.
 
Thanks

After reading further,

Your wife has to 100% committed to the marriage to enjoy it.

And opening an account on a dating site (active or not) is not a sign of commitment.

Depending on the type of marriage you have, you should know her phone passwords if you have shared yours too.

She has complained of early marriage and lack of attention from you.

Have a sit down and talk.

1. She has to deactivate her dating account

2. You need to understand her other needs apart from money. You work your ass off tells me you provide money however might not be there emotionally for her and the kids. Not holding brief for her.

3. Open the lines of communication. If either party has a need, should be communicated and solution found. The need should also not be ridiculed. 'I need you more around' might sound funny to you because you are hussling (legitimate) however, there needs to be a balance.

4. She needs to share her password (if you have done yours)

5. She should look for ways to make your relationship more fun. You should also think of ideas to break the monotony of responsibilities. It might be one of the reasons she feels she married too early. Also have getaways or drop the kids with grandparents and court yourselves afresh while still at BF stage. Just f*ck yourselves to stupor, binge on movies and do take outs etc so you feel young again. Also develop hobbies together and separately.

I am looking for a case of starting afresh especially as you did not catch her cheating in you.

Goodluck.

Josephilemona:
I want to cut my coat according to my materials,
I know getting married could be very expressive and draining, so I opted for an option regardless of people opinion, my plan is to invite a clergy to bless the rings and join us Immediately after bride price is paid,
because imaging payment 600k for just a reception hall here is something different, Rather this method to me is (3 in 1), everyone has his/her level of income, "my people say person wey dey ask questions no dey miss road"
how feasible is this?

1. Do bride price payment in the morning with only family

2. Go to churn thereafter, for traditional reception

OR

Do number 1

2. Go to church and share take away packs in the church.

3. You can chose a place for your pictures and change from your gown to traditional there.