₦airaland Forum

Alejob:
You can't have it all......

She can't what all?

Tonto oooooooooooooooooooo!

Chai!

Adakintroy:
You probably have your own issues with trust. It may not be emanating from "the male" angle like you made yourself believe.

Apologies.

I have read your exchange on this thread and I do not expect you to understand.

Every human is a product of nature and nurture.

And unless you realise there is something wrong and work towards righting it via religion and/or therapy, that person is at best a shattered glass arranged together again.

Adakintroy:
Truth is this stories are true. I had experience with my elder female cousin too and one aunt tara.


I post something similar like this on nairaland one certain time. The thing is that with male molestations. We tend to outgrow it and not bring it up. No! We don't like the victim thing.

But am glad this topic is coming up. Because women like portraying men as monster and all that. We do it yes but out of weakness and many who do it Honestly try to change. Not all though. But It's good this topic come up. So we all judge ourselves in truth. Many women making noise do worst to young boys.

We have been shielding t women for too long. Now they are getting more arrogant. Making a fool of menergy aso though we areally the only once capale ofor this kindustry ofor attrocities.. It high time they are called out and shamed too. anyone is capable of weakness.

Let them come out and refute it if their conscience can witness with them

Nope, They just tend to become terrible males with distrust for women looking for ways to dominate them.

toyflare:
Warning! Long post alert!
Men get molested, and we hide it because it's either unbelievable or sounds ridiculous. My life as a kid until adulthood wasn't funny at all. First, it was the neighbor's housemaid, I was about 7 at that time and my parents were busy with work so I had to stay at my neighbor's house after school till our house maid is back from school. One day I went there, the maid called me into the kid's room and took away my clothes, made me lay down and did things I didn't understand as a child. It was confusing, and I really didn't understand what she was doing but I remember she was on top of me unclad swinging back and forth. This continued after a while, then I told mom. She didn't understand me, so I stopped going there myself and our maid told my mom she met me outside when she came back from school. I guess this made her believe me, so I had to wait in school then.

Then I was molested again by my own friend f4cking best friend turned gay! I was 10 then, and my friend was 6 years older. He was enrolled in a boarding school, I guess he learned the shit from there. When he came back he would always come to the house as usual when I noticed when we play, he touched my genitals and I wasn't comfortable with it. One day I went to his house, he was alone and locked up the place, said he wants to show me something in the room and I followed him. He went to the kitchen and brought a knife, told me to take off all my clothes or he will stab me. I was like haha very funny and he started swinging the knife and told me he joined a cult group and I shouldn't dare him. I was scared as fvck, took my clothes off with speed, he ordered me to lay on the bed and started the thing (can't go into detail cause it makes me sick) but I cried so much. Then after it he was like don't worry, you will start enjoying it soon. So I stopped going to his house but he kept coming to my house and I would lock my self inside the room and my dad will come knocking that my friend is here and I should come out. Then he started begging me that his not in any cult group, but was attracted to him. I didn't care to listen to him! So one day he came with a fancy toy and told my Lil bro he got it for him, but won't give it to him unless I followed him home. So my Lil bro asked me to go get the toy for him and I refused so he started crying, I couldn't tell him what was going on. He was very little at that time and wanted his toy, so I agreed to go, but my plan was to take the toy and fight with my friend if he tried anything stupid , so I went with my brother (my friend lives across the street) but when we got there he insisted I come in alone or he won't give it to me. My brother was like okay I'm going home . So I went in and he locked the door, I asked him for the toy and he said he won't give it to me unless I let him touch me again, I said no!!! And headed for the door, he grabbed me and pushed me to the chair I tried pushing him off but he was very much stronger than I was. Long story short, he did it again, gave me to the toy, I went to him, gave it to Lil bro and he hugged me. I went into the room and cried seriously asking God to forgive me. But it didn't stop here, it continued for years until I got older and strong enough and fought him one day before it all ended. Up till now, I still haven't told my brother what really happened.

Then again 3 years ago I was raped by my church group leader! I won't mention the church. This woman is married and older than my own mother! All her 3 kids are schooling in the UK! Her husband is a manager in one of the top oil companies ( Name withheld). At my workplace, I was working in the customer care sector and meet clients daily. Lots of sugar mummy's wanted me to be there son, some told me directly others where hiding about it but opened up later. This woman was just good to me and at the same time always preaching to me about Jesus so I didn't suspect her in any way. She invited me to her church because I just moved to the state recently and didn't have a church at that time. So I started worshipping at her church, so one day she invited me to her house fellowship and I went, after the fellowship she asked me to wait behind so I could help her tidy the place and I did before I left she gave me 4k for TP, I refused but she insisted so I took it. I kept going for house fellowship every week and she always gave me TP (4k, 6k, 10k). Every time I asked her why she gave me so much just for transport, she will say she's encouraging me because she knew I wasn't earning much.
So one day I went for house fellowship, as usual, I stayed behind to arrange the place, then took the plates to the kitchen. I noticed someone walk into the kitchen and turned off the light I was like, ma did you off the light? She said yes. I said okay... But I'm still using it, she didn't answer me and kept walking close to me then suddenly hugged me. I just stood, and was like ma is there any problem, she said no! And kept hugging me. After a while she let me go and I rushed off the kitchen and started gathering my stuff to go home. But when I wanted to open the door, I noticed it was locked! I searched for the keys and it wasn't where it supposed to be. I started calling for her and told her I couldn't find the keys, she said she kept it in her daughter's room I should go there and take it. I went there to look for it but couldn't find the keys, so I told her and she said she's coming to get it but she didn't come out, she was inside her room and refused to answer me. I stood there thinking of what to do next, then my girlfriend started calling me! I told her I just left the fellowship and she was shouting at me that it's almost 11 pm and I'm not back yet, I pleaded with her that we had a meeting blah blah blah. I ended the calling and started calling madam to come open her door let me go home for christ sake. The woman no gree, I called my roommate and told him the situation of things and he told me not to worry, I shouldn't answer my girlfriends call again, he will call her and tell her my phone was stolen and they beat me up but I'm home sleeping.
I was there waiting in the sitting room till past twelve before she opened the door almost unclad and was smiling at me. At this moment I was already angry asked her to open the door let me go and she started shouting at me before I knew it she slapped me! And my body went cold instantly. She said I should forget about going home today except I do what she says. Then the next minute she started begging me that she's sorry, she's lonely and needed someone to talk to. I couldn't say anything, as she was begging her hands were already going inside my Jeans. I was like Ma please I beg you in the name of God please stop let me go. I started preaching to her that she's married and this is evil the woman stood up and started crying that she's sorry it's the devil's hand work.
At that point, I thought everything was fine but I need to leave immediately! She told me the key is in her child's room and where to get it. I didn't trust going into that room alone, but I went anyway, the key wasn't where she said it was. And I as I was about leaving the room to go tell her, she's already at the door, then walked in and closed the door. She told me I can't go, and she hasn't had sex in a long time, so If I don't want her to tell her husband I raped her I should allow her do what she wants or she will call her husband and scream on the phone.
My eyes flashed before my eyes again, I tried talking to her again and she started calling him on the phone and put it on speaker phone so I can see she's not playing about it. I thought of going to prison and losing my job and worse ending up in the news. Then I accepted on the condition we use protection, she already had everything with her, even a lubricant! Then I knew she planned the whole thing. The sad truth is at that time I was still a virgin and never had sex with a woman.

Again sorry for the long post, but before you ask what's the name of this movie I really don't care if you believe it or not! And if you think it has no physiological effect then you're very wrong. I'm very withdrawn and find it extremely difficult to trust anyone. I have no friends! I don't ever near a church or want to hear anything about churches. (she attends a big church and I see her on TV sometimes singing praises). The moment I see an older woman I look at you in disgust, and before you say anything I'm already hating you. It's been years and I'm battling depression, so I need sleeping pills to sleep properly. At some point, I turned to drugs and later stopped because of its effects physiologically.
Being forced against your will to have sex is rape! And men get raped too and I don't think it's fun when it's a woman your mother's age and if that's a fantasy for you then you need to get your brain examined.

Woaw!

Tried physiological help?

You desperately need it.

eosigwe:
but all this niggaz saying they can't get over it.. like WTF... how? you were molested at the age of 4,5,6,7 or even 8 and right now you are 28, 29, 30+ and you saying you can't get over it, you hate women, your John Tommy does not erect, you have lost confidence, yen yen yen. That is total bullshit. Total crap. You guys are weak. You have erectile dysfunction. Quit excessive masturbation. Those situations you experienced as a child are not the cause of your sexual problems right now. I was seriously molested by our househelp for 4 years. Between 4 and 8 years. If I hear say I never get over am. So much weakness in the world mehn. Everyone's seeking sympathy. A lady's tale I can understand but guys, mehn...

Read your post again and confirm it makes sense to you.

Is everyone like you? Have you sat down to examine if you have any unhealthy view of females?

Deadlock:
Bad relatives are worse than sworn enemies.

As in.

The closer the person, the harder the betrayal.

God heal these men.

postmann:
Submission has spared children the horrors and nightmares of broken homes. And in return they adore their mothers for the priceless sacrifice. They sit deep within our heart as we treasure them beyond compare.

Submission has given them a gift no one can take away from them -- the joy and fulfilment of being a wife, a mother and nurturer. And they've become the pillars of their homes during turbulent times. They stood like a rock and held the family together like a hen would her chicks during a storm.

Not a wanderluster drunk with ungodly freedom and propelled by the dictates of her clitoral urges.

Am sorry however when I read something like this in relation to African/ Nigerian marriages, I hear the wives endured all manner of fuckery and disrespect to keep their ring.

And if it is the above, it didn't make the children better; it made them sociopaths.

donpata:
The issue of submission brought here appear to be from Scripture. sooooo, dwelling on Scripture, The Bible says the wife shld submit to her husband as unto Christ. From this, just as we tell Christ what we want him to do for us, he is not under any obligation whatsoever to do it. He acts according to his will (either permissive or perfect). So also with a CHRISTIAN WIFE. While she can air her views and opinions, the man has the final say. There are times her opinion will be ALLOWED to take precedence but that ain't a right. it's simply a PRIVILEGE.

I see nothing worth anything in this thread by the opportunity cos the whole thing makes no sense. It's like telling Buhari to be equally ANSWERABLE to Osinbanjo. Of coz. there are times Osinbanjo will have his way but remember, the bulk stops at Buhari table since he will take the greatest blame if any decision goes South.

For me therefore, the op is just conducting an academic excercise with this topic. it is pure theory and far from practical. I have never seen or heard of a man that is 100% totalitarian. The most difficult men still allow some of their wives opinions to scale through. All men do though at varying degrees of flexibility. So this topic is a pure waste of our time.

Now you are assuming that a husband is perfect like Jesus Christ and he has the ability to provide all needs, protect from all situations...infact the man is God.

Are there 100% totalitarian men? I don't know.

Anyways, I always tell ladies to look for husbands who suit their style. The best decision a woman can take is marrying the right husband.

I remember a moniker who said he seeks his wife's opinion in all matters and when she doesn't agree to his decision, he waits till she is onboard before he goes ahead. Different style with everyone.

Afterall, the same Saudi that banned women drivers saw men teaching their wives to drive and supporting their cause to lift the ban on driving.

If a couple is in love, they might have traditional duties however both parties will outdo themselves to make the other happy.

Even if the husband is 'taking a decision' the wife doesn't agree to, it will be that it is a harder decision for the greater good and not because he can.

Prognose:
They don't understand this.

A woman will always submit to a man that is sure of himself. Make her feel that you can answer to her every whim and she'll lose interest fast.

Is submission about answering to a man's every whim?

I have looked at the wives in the Old Testament where it seemed there was total disrespect for women and not in one place have wives been portrayed as people who catered to every whim of their husband.

Infact, the only woman who did died with her husband and that is Saphhira.

The problem is that neither side even seems to understand the concept of submission and love in marriage.

[quote author=Prognose post=70931240][/quote]I appreciate your explaining even though I asked that lady, I would still like to hear her.

Now this is the part you highlighted to answer me:

i am married and I interpret my wife's respect for me as a part of love. Respect is paramount. I see love in her respect. For her though, her greatest needs are to say the sweet words to her, buy gifts, take her out, provide for her, hold and cuddle her, protect her, etc. That is her interpretation of love and most of those are things I care less abt.


First, this guy stated what his wife wants. Secondly, I doubt a normal woman would appreciate the above without respecting her. Thirdly, in some school of thought, the wife is actually expected to take care of the husband apart from bills. The man comes home, she takes care of him, feed him, cater to his whims etc. so the fact that the poster doesn't like it doesn't mean that other men wouldn't.

Interesting, the same guy said:
Plus abt decision making, the man is responsible if his home shatters. Sooooo, every decision must be vetted by him


The guy must be non-Nigerian because this is the first place I see the responsibility of building the home on the man.

postmann:
Women are known to desire two opposites simultaneously.

The OP excites my curiosity having come to the gender bargaining hall armed with quotes from the scriptures even when it is abundantly clear that GOD requires of the wife to be submissive to the husband in all things like she would CHRIST.

But turning again to demand a slice of the leadership pie isn't just rebellion, it is witchcraft.

Several centuries after the great blunder of their forebear Eve, her daughters are still held captive by that same vice called greed.

Even GOD gives us privilege of choice at times. But that's what it is, a PRIVILEGE. It is within a man's prerogative to decide when his wife's opinion should be adhered or otherwise.

It is not for the woman to step into marriage with a (pre)conceived notion of authority rotation.
To do so is an act of rebellion against divine established principle.

According to you,

What is submission?
What is love?

Exponental:
Op must be a professor. Submission includes love while love supersedes all. Love is an expression of stupidity, love will invariably make you submit but you just must lead.

Interesting.

Which is surprising that people don't understand at all.

Anyways, the topic is funny

yvelchstores:
Sister, biko understand the Bible. It's God who created man and woman so he knows what they want most. Ask any reasonable man to choose between respect and love, he will choose respect. Ask the woman between respect and love, she will choose love. God gave u the brain in Ur head, don't try to outsmart him, u can't. To be happy just follow scripture as it is. Tq

Can you break the difference between respect and love as per your post with examples.

Thanks

Amhappy:
Please people stop picking just a part of the Bible,read it as a whole. So what did God do to men here? Turn them to sacrificial lamp?

Ephesians 5:22-33 New International Version (NIV)
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.

God turned men to sacrificial lamb?

This is getting interesting.

lonelydora:
Not slave. Man and woman are not equal. Every religion of the world understands that.

That a husband helps his wife with chores and stuffs doesn't make both of them equal.

Is there anywhere in the Bible that states men and women are not equal?

tintingz:
Women of today are benefitting from the same feminism that came from pit of hell.

Hahahahahahaha.

It is well.

princfred:
True talk there. My man. Now too much school and locked up in work place day after day only exposed to fellow workmates who may not be inclined to date them have robbed many ladies of finding the man at their prime of their physical beauty.
How can they understand.
What you write is exactly what i plan to advise my daughters. Start looking for marriage partner early as 20 while studing whatever.

I am a lady bro

thesicilian:
Many of those who die in poverty will still end up losing their souls.

Biko permit me to laugh!

majekdom2:
In the US, you need to keep reforming your mind as you grow so you keep in marriage. There is a growing concept or phenomenon now, it's called "swingery" or open marriage. Either sexes can have a sexual relationship with a third party with the parties fully involved and aware. Don't worry surprised they above are practising or will do

I have no problem with their private lives (I do have a problem actually ); my gross is that it is public.

They have invited everyone present to the marriage.

I am sure that even swingers and all would behave decent and respectable outside.

Imagine kids at the reception.

Hanseel1:
You are a dreamer.

Oh so you know my method is the best however you are scared you can't have it?

Start working towards it today; it is never too late.

majekoam:
"If they could". See the last line.
And why subject him to temptation.
A good and smart woman knows that and if you were married you would know it too...
Many relationships are great but they all have hard times...
You sound like an advocate of home breakers.

Subject the man to temptation how?

I am not a fan of updating SM per second however, I will not think of snatching except you are talking diabolical means here.

Funny how we do not agree and I suddenly sound like an advocate of broken homes.

I hail you.

I am all of women being good and sensible however if you think it is to tolerate the excesses of a husband, you have it twisted.

I expect same standards from men and women.

If that makes me a home breaker according to you, so be it.

majekdom2:
I like this

Thanks

vislabraye:
If opposite attracts, is that the reason you attract jerks cos you're a good girl

Hahahahahahahaha

This is so funny.

Hanseel1:
People like you are the problem in this country.

Why should a 20 years old lady or a 24years old man be thinking about marriage? Were you trying to sound sarcastic or what exactly.

At 20 they'd probably still be in school even if they're not, they won't have a job. Why should a jobless lady think about marriage?

Any individual not above 27/26 shouldn't think about marriage.

O yeah, we are the problem till ladies and guys are desperately trying to settle down in their 30s. The lady especially is too desperate and can longer diligently choose so she settles for anyone and later cry that all men are...... Insert whatever adjective you like.

And who told you that people at 20 don't have jobs?

Let's assume the are even in school.

At 20, a lady starts preparing for marriage... Start becoming more homely, start doing personality checks and realise that fuckboys are off the table. She might find someone at 21, study him in a 2yr courtship and start prepping for wedding so that by 24/25/26, she is married.

Because she is still young, she is not pressured to settle and can end a relationship if the guy is not what she thought he was when she gets closer.

Whatever she thinks she is enjoying with random men can be enjoyed with one man if she marries right. Couples do date nights, go to clubs if inclined, go for vacation, have destination sex, have sex in their car/balconey/hotel/rooftop etc. As they like it.

Ditto a guy.

Even if she is an ex-prostitute, active one, party crawler etc, couldn't she just respect the sanctity of marriage and be decent?

Hopefully, the marriage doesn't crash.

Battle of the sexes.

For there to be high rate of single ladies means there is also a high rate of single guys.

And I want to assume the single ladies referenced in this thread is 30s and above.

There are various reasons however, anyone who wants to get married WILL get married.

And 27 is not the time for a lady who is interested in marriage to clean up her acts and start looking.

I encourage early marriage in males and females as I believe the earlier the better.

A lady at 20/21 and guy at 24/25 should start thinking of marriage.

majekoam:
Correction. Most of the guys you've met or been around with are pricks.

Also of all the women that have commented about men. Have you met all of Us... Those comments are wildly ignorant.

The tables can be turned...alot of men have plenty of stories of being messed over by women so lets not be partisan and hypocritical.

The fact is that most ladies would prefer a well to do guy. The problem is that SOME of those well to do guys prey on it and take advantage....

Then Ladies you have a choice... Take a risk and suffer with a guy that might not be all set but is going places (Usually the nice guy or the quiet ones who are either overlooked and exploited) and is more likely to end well (but not all the time)... or continue to "Enjoy" with "Bad guys", who are Fresh, Paid, will most likely be using you and then dump you (The writing is on the wall - He is a "Bad Guy" and then you come on every social media platform to then call the male gender a bunch of P-nis led demons...

....Oh and if your thoughts are Id rather go with the bad guy because he has money....then I dont have any sympathy for you.

One last point....there are maaaany women who are in great relationships and marriages...they just are afraid of letting the world know because they know there are many low-life women that would be willing to snatch their boyfriends/husbands if they could.

Essay over.
Peace y'all.

Are their relationships really great if their lovers can be snatched like a bag?

Benekruku:
Do those ones have videos on the internet.

ofuneka you could have said, but you can see she went completely underground

Who is Ofuneka?

Ese's story is online naw.

theunnamed:
I'm all about responsibility, that's why I'm saying women should own their stuff too, fine men are bad and yada yada yada, but we're not 100% the problem... Are we?



We're not even 50% sef

More like 70%

I agree that women should own their stuff.

Benekruku:
Easier said than done

Is Ese Pastor Fatoyinbo's alleged mistress not married?

Even one of TuFace's baby mama married a pastor.

It is not so straight forward.

superman1073:
It's true.
But then it is automatic either party gains/loose,
Forget about the use of protective device.

I don't think I mentioned protection. It surely does not protect against spiritual diseases.