₦airaland Forum

Eketem:
When e reach money matter we will remember culture.

Why don't we remember culture in cases of abuse and adultery where women are mostly disadvantaged? This area where men are bearing the brunt for greed and irresponsibility we will be calling culture

Eketem,

You need to chill here; you must gotten the wrong sister.

IbilibiOgada:
Dino might actually be a rapist. From the abundant of the heart, the mouth speketh, so him dey eye Remi since, him wan kolobi, then gi am belle by fire by force, lol this is a slap on the Jagaban's face and he won't take it lying down.

You might be right.

Threaten a fellow senator with beating and rape? Openly?

I thought the usual line is ... 'I will deal with you and nothing will happen?'

All these fraud that call themselves politicians

Hmmm.

snowytee:
Hello Folks,Am engaged to this angel and we are planning our wedding but certain issues bother me.

Am not one to spend hugely on a one day event but my Jewel expects abi wants a talk of the town event. A while back, I asked her how much

i should budget for the event and she said 2milli. 2milli? In this very Buharian Nigeria? So I asked her how much she was willing to contribute

and she goes all "it is irresponsible for a man to expect a woman to bring money for wedding" .I also suggested a one day event for the trad

and wedding and yet again, she said it would be too stressful for her.

Ofcourse I want a beautiful wedding also but I no go spend everything ontop wedding na. So, is it proper for a woman to expect a very big

wedding when they are not ready to contribute shikom ontop the matter?

Its not just my pearl that has this problem sef, I sampled the opinion of several other ladies and the excuses they give is indeed funny. One said she is the first daughter, so wedding must be talk of the town. Another said she is the only daughter, still yet another said her parents spent a lot to grow her up so she must be spent on, e.t.c

Abeg, should a lady expect a talk of the town wedding when she is not ready to contribute financially to it? Since it's the man bearing the brunt of the expenses, shouldn't he take all the big decisions?

@OP:

What does your culture say about wedding expenses?

Sounds sweet.

Happy married life to the phantom couple

Mindfulness:
Lord have mercy ... I know what this thread will turn into. Do you derive pleasure from dragging me into a potential war zone? For the sake of an interesting conversation and fun (the purpose of my life ), let me share some of my thoughts.



On the OP: From my personal experience, many women are not interested in top positions. It's true as far as I can say and I don't believe that patriarchy is to blame but know that there are several reasons that explain this phenomenon. I am not of the nature or nurture school. It's ALWAYS a combination of both.

On your post:

Would you also say that Blacks are genetically less predisposed to be wealthy since they are underrepresented in the Forbes list of the wealthiest people?

This thread is covered; no war

Interesting thoughts you have.

I would like the answer to your question.

Quick one: why do you think women are not interested in top positions?

Timbuktou:
Does feminism or your brand of it abhor sarcasm? I would appreciate your not telling me how to talk.


BTW: I'm passionate about life.

Post/Talk how you like; just take it far from my thread.

I opened it for healthy debate and the unnecessary sarcasm was almost a stumbling block. .

At least, your 5 consecutive posts made up for it.

@OP

Pretty women

@Those doubting the Naija Swag: I saw sexy policewomen at Akwa Ibom. Honestly, we were just starring at them.

Those girls na die!

Re: Career over family...

Building a career as I know it take years to build ( it is called building for a reason) and it is not what you pause building a family for.

Some senior roles require certain age brackets and I will wonder at a person who waits till 50 before marriage because.

I also think we equate working stressful hours due to traffic/ demonic bosses/ proximity to homes to building a career . A person building a career as an Ambassador might work better hours than a cleaner at the bank.

I honestly don't get the choice part I see all over NL.

@Timbuktou:

You seem very passionate about This subject.

First, I agree with Simone's Blog that not every woman is interested in becoming the CEO or CTO of an organization or anything so no amount of push would make them 'lean in' e.g. my colleagues.

Some others are not interested in the corporate world and rather do their own thing; by career standards, an Omotola, a Tiwa or a Tara is a 'success' in their space even though they might never have worked in a 'corporate' organization.

Also, having access to something without working for it is counterproductive that's why a Rich kid might not be motivated to push extra hard and a woman having access to the 'top' might not 'value' it.

I would appreciate you keep the sacarsm off the thread.

Xiadnat:
This is true on some many levels - and complicated at that.

Sheryl Sandberg talked about it in her book: Lean In. Great read. I urge everyone woman who want to climb the ladder to get one.

It was extremely beneficial for me when I needed it. And, I intent to climb to CEO of some health care organization or my own sometime in the future, God willing.

Steep climb though, cause it's a vicious game at times--and women can be their own worse enemies even, not just men.

NB: Sheryl Sandberg is COO or CFO or Google and all its subsidiaries. In her book, she talked about her journey and how she balanced family life, and her career along with all these other "stereotypical" and "obstacles" women face in the workplace.

I saw that book with a senior colleague and it definitely looked like a must read.

Goodluck on your desire.

Tenkobos:
OUCH!!! I will find a way to transform the "B" to "T". Hope I will get a yes if I succeed

lols; too late!

Tenkobos:
Trust me here, you will be surprised at the number of women that will take leadership positions when enabling enviroment and laws are enacted and are in full pratice.

What kind of enabling environment and laws are you referring to? I think it's more of the women not interested in the first place.

Tenkobos:
The future is predictable though when you compare the past and present generations. The courage is being built.

I agree that the courage is in-built and more women might in more roles....

Might the operative word

cococandy:
Is it surprising? Not to me.

The mind-conditioning won't go away overnight.
Some ladies have managed to break away from whatever mental stronghold that makes them consider themselves less than men but you can't expect that to be the majority.
The effects of aeons of being mentally and physically subdued won't go away just like that because of one century of feminism.

It's a slow process. Will probably take as much time as it took to get instilled in the first place.

But there's hope.

Truth is looking back now, a lot of my female colleagues were not interested in a pursuing a career esp. in our field after school (not that they made it interesting ). You hear more of teaching (primary/secondary) and petite businesses.

Again, in our society, it is said you build a career in the first job you get (Students studied courses they were 'given' and after gradaution, struggle to get jobs daily so it takes a strong support system to reject jobs not in your career line (if it was your choice in the first place).

We might need another survey in Nigeria due to our percularilities.

yetseyi:
1000likes
Of all the things to be bothered about its suspension.





Back to topic:
This matter is a trend that I feel its dangerous that's going on in churches.

Some are bothered about the number of weddings that hold in their church so they subtly encourage female members to marry church member maybe its to increase the count of weddings held in that branch

If you are a young lady active in church working for God, some will want to retain you in church and the easiest way is to marry you off to a member.

One has to be able to hear from God herself else some of these church people will just lead one to the wrong path for selfish reasons.

If finally one can cross the hurdles then the wedding day another matter.

God will help us.

God will deliver His people from Pastor Worship.

TheNonce:



I believe "theresa may" the incoming british prime minister would disagree with this o.p as well as the article!




LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT! No need looking at gender as some sort of excuse!




Cc: "hillary clinton, malia, angela merkel" and our new npa boss in nigeria "zainab bala usman"

The OP is not 'stating' an excuse based on gender, it is saying one of the reasons women don't get to the 'top'

Tenkobos:
and ur username = ?

is 8 however it doesn't start with a T

Tenkobos:
lols. You know Tallesty?

Tallesty don become Tenkobos?

How far?

[size=2pt]Sure you won't marry a wife whose name starts with T and is 8-letter worded

Tallesty = 8
Tenkobos = 8
[/size]

general111:
All what most women want btw the ages of 23 and above is how to get married.if almost all you think about is marriage then the above research stands true...for instance.i discovered that if you ask a 300l female student what her plans are after school.you will most likely get an answer that looks like marriage if not marriage..but if you ask a guy the same question.the answer will most likely be how he begins to fend for himself or get a job.even though this is not applicable to all women but i can boldly say that about 75% of women can attest to this.therefore,to me this is the major reason as to why i think the above research is correct eventhough they might be some other reasons...

Hmmm, I don't think the OP is refering women who are not interested in a career; they were more on women who go all out to build a career yet at the 'moment of truth' are unwilling to take the plunge.

Project400:
Women have more issues to deal with (child bearing, home building, etc.), so it is very appropriate for a woman to shy away from certain roles.

If we conduct a research here in Nigeria, you'd also discover that majority want to be led by men. It starts by wanting male friends (for protection, leadership and compatibility). The desire grows to an uncontrollable urge for muscular men with six packs, etc.

Meanwhile, we cannot discuss an issue like this without referring to personality (temperament) differences. Phlegmatic women/and men naturally want to be led; they put others above themselves. A phlegmatic woman may likely not seek for a divorce even in the face of maltreatments. They are the obedient followers who'd get much of the actual work done at the command of their superiors. The good thing about them, however, is that nothing would be done without them. As cold as they seem, they are silently powerful.

Phlegmatic women desire marriage above all other temperaments, so chances are that, a phlegmatic woman may boldly reject a higher role that may deny her quality time with her family.

In essence, aside being the renowned weaker vessels, women of certain personality types may not be triggered as much as the society expects. Be that as it may, I expect all women to aspire a fulfilled life. Whatever it is fulfilment means to you, please drive towards achieving a fulfilled life. Fulfilment may mean a happy home, a Leadership position, an MD of a company, a Secretary, a CEO of your company, founder of an NGO, or anything at all! As a matter of fact, you can have it all, if you can.

Interesting perspective you brought here especially as regards temperaments/personality types.

I also believe your last paragraph was Simone's point; different things makes different people (women) fulfilled or 'feel like a success'

Tenkobos:
I don miss this bae tire

Ten kobos,

Do I know you?

I can only remember point one naira

Ladies, what do you think?

This is what a blog Simone Digital thinks:

Okay ladies, it’s time for a little honesty. Picture this scenario: You’ve been working in your current position for two years now, and you’re ready for a change. You gone back to school, upgraded to a Master’s Degree and now you’re ready to bring home the big bacon; I’m talking Oscar Mayer’s extra thick, maplewood syrup type bacon. Now, an opportunity for a promotion pops up at your job, but you don’t feel that you have all of the qualification requirements listed for the position. Do you apply for the job anyway? Or do you move on to find something less “intimidating” and more in line with your current qualifications?

Do “high-level” positions intimidate us as women? Do we allow our emotions to psych us out of opportunities for growth? Are we not as represented as men are in high leadership positions because we’re just not as qualified? Or maybe we are qualified, but just don’t want it? According to a research out of Harvard Business School, it’s suggested that women associate leadership positions with more stress, burden and conflicts, and so as a result are less likely to apply for leadership positions. The article also suggests that women have more negative associations with power than men do. So, to sum it up, one of the reasons why we’re not in as many leadership positions as men are is because we essentially don’t want it.

Don’t go giving me a verbal beat down for sharing my opinion with you, but in all honesty, this article called a sistah’ our, like waaay out! Well, maybe not all the way out, but a little bit. After some real thought, I can tell you that the reason that I’m not currently in that “big time” high-level position isn’t necessarily because I’m not qualified or wouldn’t be able to learn and become effective in my role, but it’s because…wait for it…I don’t want it!

Now I know some of us may thrive in positions of power and are truly called to lead and operate in high-level positions within our prospective fields. And to you ladies, I click my stilettos and say continue to go for what’s yours. Allow your experience, smarts and work ethic to shine the brightest light within your workplace. However, I’ve come to accept that it’s just not for me.

For so many years, I moved based on what I thought I “had to do” in order to be considered “successful”. But deep down, I honestly don’t think all the potential responsibilities and stress that comes along with that high-ranking corporate position would be worth a few extra dollars in the bank. So I guess I would be included in that group of women who associates leadership positions with more stress and burden, and that’s quite alright.

For me, it’s all about experiencing genuine fulfillment in my profession and allowing the seeds that I sow to bless me in return. In God’s perfect timing I know that I’ll get to enjoy the fruits of my labor and operate in my passion full-time. But I have no desire to fast-track my professional “success” doing something I’ll dread every morning when I wake up, literally dragging myself to work just to say that I’m “successful” according to the world’s standards.

Now, knowing that you are able and qualified, the question you should really be asking yourself is this: Is this potential new role going to contribute to and/or fulfill my purpose and will I enjoy operating in it? If the answer to this question is yes, then you have what it takes and should definitely apply for the position.

I’m not sure if you knew this but there’s this inherent strength, ability and just straight up know-how built into the structural DNA of a woman. Don’t allow a few missing bullet points on a job posting to keep you from going for what’s yours. Feel the fear, embrace the opportunity for change and apply for it anyway.

But if the answer to that question I asked is a “no”, then don’t force it. Don’t try to be anyone that you’re not. Don’t allow society’s flawed misconception of a woman’s strength to drive you towards a confined view of success. Success is such a personal experience. Instead, be the woman that you dream up on the inside and be her on purpose. What was meant for you will always be yours; and you’ll have no choice but to thrive and succeed in your calling.

We also need to embrace the fact that as women, we may “want it all”, and that’s okay too. Contrary to popular belief, we can have it all, we just need to know and understand what “it all” entails for us on a personal level. Let’s not allow our personal health and well-being to be overlooked on our journeys to personal success.

Trust me, I get it. Woman are just as qualified as men are to hold those high-ranking leadership positions. But I think too often some of us want so badly to prove to society what we already know to be true; that we too can be just as successful as our male counterparts in the workplace. However, we should not compromise our happiness and well-being in order to prove a point.

How do you all feel about promotions for women in the workplace? Are we really sabotaging ourselves out of career promotions? It’s not sabotaging if I don’t want it, right?

http://simonedigital.com/women-dont-want-promotions/

Women are underrepresented in leadership positions for plenty of reasons: They’re stereotyped as being less competent than men, they aren’t as aggressive, and there’s a perception that they can’t lead and raise a family at the same time. Now, research from Harvard Business School adds yet another reason to the list: Women aren’t in leadership positions because they just don’t want the jobs as much as men do.

The paper, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS), incorporates nine studies conducted on various high-achieving groups. Combined, the research indicates that women value power less than men, and the studies try to explain the phenomenon.

In one of the studies, conducted on 650 recent MBA graduates, researchers had participants rank their current position in their industry, their ideal position, and the highest position they could realistically attain. Women had no doubt they could “realistically attain” the same level of success as men, but they listed lower ideal positions.

Another one of the studies helps explain that finding, by suggesting women have more negative associations with power than men do. “Women expect more stress, burden, conflicts, and difficult trade-offs to accompany high-level positions,” said Alison Wood Brooks, a co-author of the paper and an assistant professor of business administration at Harvard.

One explanation for why power stresses women out: They have less time in which to attain a greater number of goals. In another of the nine studies, researchers asked about 800 working adults to rank their goals, defined as “things that occupy your thoughts on a routine basis, things that you deeply care about, or things that motivate your behavior and decisions.” The women surveyed not only listed more goals, but a smaller proportion of those goals were related to achieving power.

“Right now, it is likely that women have more goals in life because pursuing career and family goals simultaneously is a relatively new concept for women,” added Brooks. In other words, women feel more inclined to have it all than men, who listed fewer personal goals, and that means making compromises somewhere.

“I hope these findings will lead people and managers to ask [workers their preferences],” said Francesca Gino, another co-author of the paper. “Some women may deeply care about power, some may not. Some may see too many negatives. For the latter category, talking may lead to identifying opportunities that remove some of those negatives.”
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-09-25/women-don-t-want-promotions-as-much-as-men-do

TheMyth:
What does this have to do with religion , the average female is more emotional hence she has a higher propensity to feel compassion and sympathy compared to the average male, the average female would shiver at the though of killing a chicken or ram and would squirm at the sight of excessive blood , there are males like this too but much fewer , the average female will give birth and will become primary nurturer of a child this alone would make her softer and more kind hearted than the average man , sure there are evil witches but 80-90% of all crimes are still committed by men,and this still doesn't men can't ha e these traits too .

I hear you.

This is the result of people serve the men of God instead of the God Himself.

Your sister a junior Pastor cannot pray on her own to hear from God concerning her marriage; she is not afraid to marry outside the will of God/ wrongly; She is not afraid she is not marrying according to God's calender; She is afraid because her senior pastor may suspend her.

Step one: your sister needs to get closer to God then she will know the next step to take.

TheMyth:
.
Feminine virtues are not restricted to females , but are mainly dominated by females. the average female should have these traits to a higher degree than the average man . This doesn't mean that the man doesn't have said traits .

The average female should have these traits than the average male?

Sir, are you a Christian?

DollyParton1:
Now you are gradually doing a turn around. Twisting some of your words and mine words too.

I said being kindhearted, compassionate, empathetic, gentle, caring, etc is required if everyone. It shouldn't be term as a feminist trait. A man should have it, having those traits doesn't make him shy, indecisive or lazy. It just makes him a good person.

The fact that you are all caring, kindhearted, compassionate and all doesn't make you indecisive and shy. It's all about balancing it. Knowing what traits to exhibit at a particular time and situation and in the right proportion is the key word.
A smart woman is a smart woman. Being decisive and confident should equally be for both gender. We weren't born married. A woman should be confident and be able to make decisions on her own as a single lady first of all, before getting married.


Don't mix things up. Character is different from gender role.

I don't understand why people think characteristics such as care, compassion, empathy, humility, kindheartedness, tolerance etc. are 'feminine' virtues. I am equally amazed when I read/hear such from professed Christians....

What ever happened to fruits of the Holy Spirit all Christians should emulate?

HaneefahRN:
LMAO


Yeah, it is not recommended for a Muslim woman to change her name after marriage. Everyone is to be identified with his or her father's name.
The name is (so so so, daughter of Idris or whatever her father's name is) not wife of whatever her husband's name is.
And it makes perfect sense, anything can happen, a divorce can happen or the husband may die, is she supposed to keep changing her surname rather than keep the one that relates to her blood ties which can't change?
It's been debated whether it's haram or not to adopt the husband's name. I guess adopting the husband's name after marriage is just for identification.
Down here due to our Society, Muslim women change their surnames, some make it compound name. For a couple where both have adequate knowledge and understanding about it , she can decide to have her father's name..

Everyone does as they deem fit.

Some women have started adding their husband's first name to the surname sef.

Whatever rocks each person'e boat o jare.

Acidosis:
The italicized means: once you eat your cake, it is gone. Once you accept to get and stay married into another family, your family's name becomes history. You can ask Aisha Buhari, Patience Jonathan and Turai Yar'adua why they failed to stick with their father's name.

This is Nigeria (Africa) where a bride's family still accept dowry and other associated perquisites.

You can continue to pretend and act like you have no understanding of my explanations. What I'm sure is that this singular thread will go a long way in depopulating the covens of misguided African feminists who want to collect dowry, yet attach the western ideology of name retention.

It is western ideology to retain maiden names?

Interesting considering the fact the 'west' that brought it to Africa in the first place.

And your thread is NOT powerful enough to depopulate the covens of misguided African feminists who want to collect dowry and retain their names.

It is for the couple to decide.

crackhaus:
Na so.. you know! Knower...

What is the name of your president's wife?

You don't need to reply, just look into a mirror and shout it loud.

Common sense is NOT common afterall...

Christians are not to commit adultery, yet they commit daily.

Muslim wives are not to change their surnames.

https://www.nairaland.com/931733/why-married-muslim-woman-must
https://islamqa.info/en/6241

@OP:

Most people do not discover themselves/ what they want to be before setting out to marry and hence choose the wrong spouse who is not equipped to support them (morally, spiritually, etc.)

Our likes & dislikes constantly change so our partners have to be intune to the changes as we are intune with theirs..

There is also the place of 'grace'; 'luck'; 'prayers' etc during choosing.

HaneefahRN:
How does wanting to keep one's father's name relate to feminism

Anything some guys don't like these days must be tagged feminism and in negative light. People have various reasons for whatever they do, your points a, b, c might have nothing to do with it. Is it your name or theirs?

Feminism gives some people heart attack. .

I know Muslim wives are not to change their surnames to their husbands after marriage.

Every married woman is Mrs. X immediately they are joined in matrimony and so neighbours, church members etc. will refer to them as Mr. & Mrs. X whether she changes her name or not.

Some women decide not to adopt their husband's name for reasons best known to them.

Again, not every woman likes to be addressed as 'Mrs'.