₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
1) someone who can manufacture accusations is dangerous. Just like that she claimed the man is violent. Assuming he never ever raised his hands to hit her or even threatened to, that's enough reason for him to distance himself from her. That's a dangerous act right there. Also reeks of deep dislike for the man. He should save himself from crazy.

2) caveat: I'm for men and women contributing to the home financially as much as possible. That said, I don't feel sorry for any Nigerian guy who marries one of those women that don't want to. For goodness sake, you can't make a point of marrying a home keeper and expect her to also be a breadwinner. That's eating your cake and trying to have it back. If you're the kind of man that starts blowing hot air because you have to clean your child's poop or mop the floor, then shut up and bring home the bacon let the person whose sole duty in life is to clean up after you save her money and play house for you. Simple.
These confused dudes sef. Waltzing between traditional and modern as it pleases them.

3) OP you're emotionally invested in this man. Pls hands off and face your own home before your husband will start confiding in his female colleague about how his wife gives too much attention to one married man at her work place. It hurts you to see him in pain? I laugh in Washingtonian. That's how it starts. Innocent confidante. Nothing serious. Before you know it, you're beginning to hate the wife on his behalf. And then you're tempted to offer him comfort so that you'll stop hurting to see him in pain. We are all humans. Wepu aka enwe n'ofe tupu oburu aka mmadu.

amokeme:
Y'all ladies need to snap into reality and stop the illusion
There is nothing like "in a relationship" "I'm taken" you are either MARRIED or SINGLE! There is no in between....

Qmerit:
Wow, congratulation to her I like her hustle spirit, she just put to bed yet working hard to support the family and to keep her career going. God bless you once more and bless what you do best! Thanks for making Nigeria. Proud far away in USA.

Acidosis:
Analyse the issue from the viewpoint of an observer.

Actually, my post is indirectly directed to the hypocritical responses from self-acclaimed gender equality advocates on the thread. Why has it suddenly become the duty or a man to rescue a woman?

I had to bring in gender equality into the matter as everyone expects the man to save the woman for whatever reason.

The woman has the right to leave the marriage if she feels threatened. However, I see no wrong in what the man did if he believes women and men deserve equal treatments under equal circumstances.

Acidosis:


So now you agree men and women are not equal?

Acidosis:
New generational women like the wife believe in gender equality so she's equal with the hubby, and should be strong enough to save herself.


The man did no wrong. The woman would act in the same manner if the decision involves her husband and her father.

A typical Nigerian woman will save her father before the husband.

cococandy:
The things we will never know.

Xiadnat:
.....this is really though provoking piece.

They say the measure of a man is in how he treat people he doesn't think he needs--- in this day and age, this actually includes online interactions. It worries me for people who think their online personality are not reflective of their offline personality. I think it does.

At the judgement day, God will not care about whether it was online vs. offline. He will judge ALL. I really want to be that person who treats EVERYONE respectfully and with dignity regardless- online, offline, child, elderly, waiter, teacher, policeman, lawyers, mechanic, cook, janitor. WHATEVER. I hold on to the philosophy that you never know when you are entertaining an ANGEL disguised as a poor beggar on the street or even that guy that insults you for no reason. That person you despise and curse today might be your meal ticket tomorrow. You just never know.

#pursposeful living.

byvan03:
If he doesn't do chores, no one will take him to court. I just don't see the issue here. A man that reasons like this is unlikely to do chores, most don't do chores anyway in this part of the world.

crackhaus:
This is how you described the writer.

Since you say she's a feminist suited to her own taste, it follows that she was a feminist because the entire article could not possibly be written by a hard-core feminist (it goes against everything that feminism preaches).
Thus since she's a feminist, she most definitely is now reformed as seen in the article.

Pseudo-feminists are women who adopt feminist ideologies without a thorough understanding of its history, relevance, and core principles - This group litter this forum.

crackhaus:
Right...what were you going to say before?

The writer seems to me like 'a reformed' feminist, she has seen the light.

carmag:
it didn't occur to you your readers might skip this epistles

byvan03:
So after more than 8years of marriage, he still bring in friends into his marital issue. Let your wife be the best version of herself, no one forced him to retire. 6 and 8years see not babies as such, so I don't know what you are saying about being a house husband, abi the kids no dey go school?

Mindfulness:
Confirmed.

Bolade005:
Hanhan Bukatayne, do you honestly believe what you wrote there is the truth?

Maybe Feminism is not completely responsible but Ma'am, it is partly responsible and you know this for a fact.

byvan03:
I realised it isn't about the books , hardly you see a young lady that's really that into her books these days. It's more of the rock your youth mentally that is actually delaying most. A 26years old lady still feels like a child these days.

crackhaus:
Or a combination of both, don't you think?


Come on, you couldn't possibly deny how the advent of feminism and gender-equality has something to do with the whole career/marriage debate...even in Nigeria.

What is a self-styled feminist?
You mean she's not a real feminist?

byvan03:
it's going to be titled " GOAN MARRY!!"

byvan03:
Not really my gospel, I only answer when asked and I really don't care what age people get married . It's exactly at any tempo you wish to maintain , I see no differences . Just more work and that's it . You really think that a young woman will stand and wait for your pastor 's approval? Me go leave you dey go my way.

I guess it's your gospel too because I don't see you telling ladies to build skyscrapers first before getting married.

Stillfire:
In the West, there are institutionalized policies to protect women in and outside marriage, in and outside their careers. Feminists have done the ground work to enable women be spoilt for choices. Moreover this sounds like White women experiences not the black woman experience in the West which is often different. Not only that by 23, these women are done with school.

I really can't say the same for Nigerian women or men born in the 80's or 90's. Our parents enjoyed such privileges though before Nigeria went to the dust. I didn't have such luxury. Before the advent of private universities, you almost don't get a mere bearing of your life until you are racing for your 30's because of university strikes and economic hardship. The economy most of the time will determine whether you marry early or not and the Nigerian man a woman marries is a strong factor if that career will even take off after marriage. Most people who take off school or career path find it hard to go back could be for personal reasons or financial reasons. It is good for the husband to be well to do before going on this path. Not only well to do but is a champion of your dreams. Before entering this marriage, I take God beg you, sign an agreement with witnesses.

This marriage before/after career decision is often shaped by your upbringing. In my home, it wasn't spoken in lay terms, but we the children all knew we had to finish school, have a career before marriage. When I got done with my masters, my parents congratulated me and said 'after this I hope you'll go for a PhD' lmao.

cococandy:
I think theoretically her suggestion makes sense. But practically it's not always achievable. How many people have control over when they get married? Especially for women whom our society consider it a taboo for them to go chasing after men yet somehow are condemned if they don't marry early. I don't even know how that makes sense but....topic for another day.
So while she's still single, is she supposed to fold her arms and wait for marriage before starting a career? What if that never happens?

The most practical thing is to build your career and work your family in when it does come to pass. You can have both.

For those who got married early, yea it wouldn't hurt to get the babies out of the way to avoid plenty distractions during the pursuit of success. I'm not gonna do that though. Working on both at the same time.

Key is to marry someone who's willing to step up and do what you can't so you won't be overwhelmed.