₦airaland Forum

striktlymi:
At this point I have to stop following else I get scarred for life.

You hear men's story and you are scared?

What if you hear of evil women

There are evil people and good people

Pray God gives you your own if you are interested in marriage

Stillfire:
We should endevour to train boys better, I keep on saying it. Virtues like patience, kindness, understanding, humility, tolerance is for everybody, not just women.
In many households a daughter would be struggling with house chores and the son is lying lazily on the sofa, why would he grow up to think he should help around the house too when married? Why wont he grow up to have a chip on his shoulder?
This cycle of violence would continue if we don't train boys better.

Extremely true

That is the key...

Train the boys lest they become beasts when they grow up

Some men will still be terrible irrespective of the training given.

edwife:
It is not a defence, i am trying to see where she is coming from sometimes-mind you not everything mutter writes i agree with her....but that does not mean that she does not make sense in some.

Can you explain this bit?

Muter does make sense in some of her posts...

I can't see where she is coming from in some cases

If she was such a good wife and her ex was still that crazy, she of all people should understand that no matter the be humble bullshit, the man will not change because she has experienced it first hand.

We should be the ones saying 'the wife must be rude etc.' with she telling us that no, some spouses are beasts etc.

But no, all problems must be from the wife and humility would solve it.

An abused child's mother should send the abuser away but she would tear the abuser to pieces etc. etc.

Or where there is nothing wrong with been a second wife etc.

You were defending her stance and it is nothing really

@bold.. when next I notice, would point it out (if I remember)

Modified:

Just remembered Debrief...

She used her experience to teach others...

Some, she condemned the wives; some she condemned the husbands on a case by case basis.

She did not encourage the women to take trash yet she was very objective and uncoloured by her first marriage.

DEGREE2466:
Man beats his four months pregnant wife to death in Enugu
The police in Enugu state have arrested one Ozoemena Nwankwo, described as a serial wife beater, for allegedly beating his 4-month pregnant wife, Ndidi, to death at their Akpawfu village residence in Nkanu-East Local Government Area in Enugu on October 17th, Vanguardreports.
The state's Police PRO, DSP Ebere Amaraizu, confirmed the incident in a statement...
"Close family source informed the command that the suspect had been using his wife as punching bag. The suspects wife is four months pregnant. Due to the beating she got from the husband on that fateful day which inflicted injuries on her right leg and on her vital organs, she was rushed to hospital.
She was unconscious at the nearby hospital where she was rush to and the doctors on duty confirmed her dead. The reason for the beating is yet-to-ascertained. The suspect, Ozemena Nwankwo has been nabbed and is helping Police with investigation.”The corpse of the dead wife has been deposited at the Agbani General Hospital for autopsy.


http://lindaikeji..in/2014/10/man-beats-his-four-months-pregnant-wife.html?

Good for all the parties involved

The wife dies a Mrs.

babygirlfl:
To be honest, lets just read mutter's story here just like every other woman on this thread who have suffered in the hands of their husband and not bring her stance on other thread. We all have different opinion about her.

In other parts of the world, when someone goes through something so horrible, they will do everything for another person not to go through the same thing but in Nigeria, it seems like we like people suffering the same thing they suffered.

LOL!

Maybe something in the air we breath

edwife:
yes it is....

Muter's post .... interesting

Your post /defence of her stance .... More interesting

Same things are right/wrong depending on who did it

We learn daily

[quote author=pickabeau1 post=30780035][/quote]

Yes we change as we grow older, however the basics remain the same

edwife:
Reading what mutter went through in her previous marriage and some of her stance in many threads we have here,i quite understand her.

the abuse did not change who mutter is,her personality or her beliefs about marriage;some women who go through abuse suffer tremendously mentally.They become bitter,angry,emotionless and vengeful.

I won't fault them ....only that it is also dangerous to take marital advices from such people-They are bitter,they don't see any good in matrimony.

But for those who left and have been able to keep their sanity in check,evaluate each and every marriages differently without emotions.

Eg: a woman whose husband has slapped in a heated arguments and only happens once to a woman who has been battered from day one in the union,will we give the same advice?

Even more interesting

KanwuliaJara:
Destiny: Uncontrollable forces. . . . Not my consain!

Her Dreams: TO ALWAYS BE DEBT FREE. . .(mission accomplished)

Her Talents: NONE. No apologies.

Her Man: One less problem to worry about!

LOLs @ your responses

Good you have accomplished your dream

@talents: you definitely have one or more

It is in you... Peak

Tallesty1:
Ask married people, Honest married people or maybe your mom and she would tell you. It takes time to learn and respect/cope with the differences.

I will start by asking myself

And the answer is no

The time for learning is during courtship

grimandevil:
Bukatyne i respect you. is now official

Thanks a lot

May I ask why?

Nope just how abuse doesn't make one a bad spouse either

They are wonderfully made spouses

Tallesty1:
Killing him won't give you peace of mind. Your conscience will not allow you to rest and the karma delivery guy will knock your door one day.

Why don't you sit him down and Have a talk with him? You may be making premature conclusions.

Remember, marriage is always hard in the beginning.

Says who?

cococandy:
never mind my dear. Don't wanna change the trajectory of the thread.

Okay

cococandy:
Confused.

About?

ihedinobi2....

Love nwantintin

How was vals? let's start with that

@OP nice, however I doubt its application in today's world

cococandy:
A broken home is not only one where the parents are divorced.
Some married men and women still operate broken Homes.
And it affects the kids too as obviously shown in the attitude of the man.
It is even worse than single parenthood because the kids see violence and infidelity as normal in their formative years.

And yet the circle continues abi are all the terrible spouses currently from broken and divorced families?

Also some people ought not to marry... they do not have the capacity for it.

edwife:
Later today,i went through many rants about valentines in stella blog but what caught my attention is the comments of women....









The reason i posted this is to evaluate our lives,yes we might think we are the only one in this situation or it is rosy for some.My question is,must the circle continues?is there an end to this?when will a nigerian woman know when it is enough!

I got so depressed and tearful at some of the comments and let me thinking....
If only our society was fair to women,if only....

We do not know What We want in Nigeria

Women are taught they build their homes and yet We complain about the men later....

There is a Yoruba proverb that 'a husband's house is a school'... well your education depends on How your teacher wants it

Women are taught to have patience bla bla daily etc.

And We complain of bad husbands?

This is just the beginning

If There is no right foundation, then it is OYO

grimandevil:
r u sure u r a lady? i belive i have asked u dat question before. d way u reason is toi matured.

back to d topic. i collegue of mine swore she willnt help her husbad financially no matter what. she willnt contribute any money orless she feels lik. note she earns 200% more dan d husband. der house rent was about to expire she told me with boldness dat she willnt help dat man oo. he better pay for d rent. etc. dat is d duty of d man to take kia of d family and dat d man should nt ask for d wife help. dat all her money goes to her dad and mum. i was so disappointed. and u can see d man struggling . aging quickly. i told her dat i will never marry her type. is better i remain single.

Yes, I am

People get married for different reasons

The woman in your post is certainly not a wife. On a second thought, We do not know What transpired earlier on their marriage

Shiningmama:
I"ve done that so many times. His male friends that I know are just few, no point in telling them becos they are almost the same. I told his relatives, one of his Uncles told me that I should even be happy he never brought any of them home. Though he had discussion with hubby o. No changes

Was he like This pre marriage?

keppyy:
Yes, christain missions

Business & Christian missions seem parallel except If I do not understand the Area of missions you are interested in.

Please explain

keppyy:
I'm still serving...

Career Path---Business and Missions

Ok

Business and missions? (as in Christian missionary)?

keppyy:
Thanks...

But how can I convey this message accordingly to my Sugar-mama and Sugar-Daddy, so I'll still get their sponsorship?

They seem to believe my aspirations are too much for a wife and mother to be.

Hmmmm

Why don't you start your masters now?

What career path are you looking at?

Married peeps in similar career path might be able to help

keppyy:
Here it is:


I'm not married and I'm not in a relationship sefffff....still very much single....

I'm sort of planning a career and School (Masters) that will take a lot of time, I conveyed my plans to my Sugar-mama and she said I should not plan to deep till I'm married...She said marriage might change my plans seffff...

On the other hand, she said I can go ahead if I choose to get married after my Masters...

Anyway, I wish to get married next year and pop my first bunny same year, Ermmmmmmmm....I'm still very much single anyway....

So, I need to know if I should put my plans on hold first till I get married or kick it off...

I hope someone understands my message shaaaaaa....

You honestly cannot say when you get married So why do you want to put your life on hold

Besides implementing your plans now would help you weed out incompatible proposals

A guy that would approach you would already have a picture OF What you want with life, see If it fits him life before approaching you.

Not saying some men don't pretend but it will be curtailed.

Be wary of your sugar mama

keppyy:
Is it right for a single lady to buy a land and build a house?

My sugar-mom is against it because she thinks it will limit my Pool of potential husbands to a specific location because I'll not want to relocate...

You can buy a land and build a house for rent.

Happywoman:
Another woman's husband. . . . Na wa sha o

Is Daniel a baby or did she kidnap him

Happy vals day to you and hubby

May God continually keep your home

Wisdom77777:
Greeting a one's husband in the morning is an indication that the woman has a lot of respect for the man. A man should however not deem it beneath him to greet his wife first when she fails to do so. Do you know that there are wives so egoistic that they would call their husband to order if he woke them up and did not greet them first? A good wife should not do this.

A woman should only marry a man she can respect.

I believe that a lot of women did not consider this before they got married and therefore entered the marriage with wrong expectations. They wanted the man to be their boyfriends. This is not a bad desire. However, you need to realise that[b] respect [/b] is what a man desires as well. If you give him respect, you'll get people to wonder if you used juju for him. If he is also a sensible man, he'll also treat you like a queen for respecting him.

Marriage is very old school and hence is hinged on very old school principles. The new school preaches relationships where a man can live with a woman without being married and they can have other relationships if they so choose. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt did this for years. It was their choice. For others homosexuality may be their desire. They also have a right to this choice.

However,for those who would be in a marriage as ordained by God, there is the need to view marriage like two different people being fused into one. A ship cannot have two captains. The husband is the captain of the family. He has rights and duties. If he fails to take care of his family, the bible says he is an infidel. If he cannot control his children, the bible says he should not be made a bishop (a priest). He therefore has great responsibilities. One of these is to love his wife. This means even after disrespecting him, he should forgive her, he should love her and take care of her.

The wife also has duties and responsibilities to her husband and children. She should submit to him to encourage him to love her.

It is only a man who does not deserve to be a husband that a woman would submit(respect) to and the man would still go out and have an extra marital affair -[i][/i] after he vowed on his wedding day to love and protect her.

Both husbands and wives should today go and reread their marriage vows.. By the way, Happy Valentine Day to all wives submissive to their husbands and to all husbands loving their wives.

In conclusion, wives submit to your husband so that you husband in turn submits to you. Do not copy women of the world who have no business being married and should have stayed single sleeping with whoever they choose. Husbands, pls treat your wives like the weaker vessel that they are. Lets remember to be gentle kings using the authority that God has given husband over their wives in a manner that results in Godly marriages. For those who find these comments of mine very traditional, pls remember that you have a choice to stay out of marriage. Marriage is old School. If you enter marriage and do not abide by Godly principles, how are you then better than those who have chosen to stay single because they cannot submit to a man or love a woman?

Bros explain How This greeting first thingy works...

Does a man wake up and wait for his wife who is still asleep to wake up and greet him?

5minsmadness:
A respectful wife will greet her husband first. It won't even be a matter for argument.
A man who actively greets his wife first thing in the morning is a pvssy.

Interesting

kmcutez:
Typical Nigerian male. Try to point out some certain hard truths and you are labelled a feminist. Do you even know the definition of a feminist? So tomorrow now, assuming she can no longer provide the basics due to circumstances beyond her control, for example, losing both arms, becoming blind, having an illness that saps all physical energy so that she is mostly bedridden, and you are required to take care of her round the clock, you would divorce her and marry another lady that can provide the basics ba, so you can continue being focused and committed.

Also you said you cannot marry a lady that polishes her nails and on Telemundo while you do the dish or cook, but is that not what most men do. The woman slaves in the kitchen doing the dishes and cooking, while they sit in front of the TV watching football on Supersport, or you think the women are not tired too.

Why don't you also improve her life by encouraging her to do something with her education so that she can become financially independent, instead of using it to just add a feminine touch and improvement to your life by preparing delicious meals. If something happens to you tomorrow, she can still take care of the kids on her own.

By the way, this is the definition of a feminism

: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities
: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes

Do you see anything wrong it?

Here is the explanation of feminism as taken from wikipedia.

"Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women.[1][2] This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment.

A feminist generally self-defines as advocating for or supporting the rights and equality of women.[3]

Feminist theory, which emerged from feminist movements, aims to understand the nature of gender inequality by examining women's social roles and lived experience; it has developed theories in a variety of disciplines in order to respond to issues such as the social construction of sex and gender.[4][5] Some forms of feminism have been criticized for taking into account only white, middle-class, educated perspectives. This led to the creation of ethnically specific or multiculturalist forms of feminism.[6]

Feminist movements have and continue to campaign for many women's rights – such as the Equal Rights Amendment, the right to own property, equal health care coverage for equal pay, sexual freedom and liberation, and voting – while also promoting body autonomy/integrity, and reproductive rights for women.

Feminist campaigns are generally considered to be main force behind major historical societal changes, particularly in the West, where they are near-universally credited with having achieved women's suffrage, gender neutrality in English, equal pay for women, reproductive rights for women (including access to contraceptives and abortion), and the right to enter into contracts and own property.[7]

Feminists have worked to protect women and girls from domestic violence, sexual harassment, and sexual assault.[8][9] Feminists have also advocated for workplace rights, including receiving the right to paid work, paid maternity leave, and eradicating all forms of discrimination against women.

Feminist advocacy is mainly focused on women's rights, but author bell hooks, among others, argue for the necessity for it to include men's liberation, because men are also harmed by traditional gender roles.[10]

You mean. This guy seriously

babygirlfl:
If this story is true, then she is one woman with very low self esteem. Imagine cooking for and relaxing on the bed of a boyfriend who you have just discovered is cheating on you.

I seriously do not know What is wrong with some ladies

They have absolutely no self respect

pickabeau1:
Thanks for this suggestion to hold on on any such issues

Was looking for you

Sorry for DJ 's demise

I know it will hit you hard.


God console his family especially mother now and give them the strength to carry on

DJ fought for his life and did FCC not give up till the end

RIP Bro.


To TeHN and others who invested money, time, emotions etc. to ensure DJ got better, God bless you all

Keep the good work going

If you are feeling low, think of the ones you have saved or the families you have given hope that their kids were acknowledged somewhere.

It is well