₦airaland Forum

@OP:

Marriage is what you and your spouse (in this case your friend) make of it

It is like a garden; what you sow is what you reap

Mondisweets: show me where he mentioned he had access to her body. So if a girl has access to your body she should have access to your bank account pin number too stop being illogical. Some people keep important private info in their phones and their privacy should be respected. If she keeps her important pin codes in her phone, she shouldn't protect it because some random guy, who is not even fully committed, expects her to do so because he is insecure?

Ma'am,

Wanting to have an open relationship is NOT a sign of insecurity and a lady/guy that is committed during courtship/dating might not be during marriage

There is no such thing as privacy for a couple either (married/courting)

If the OP does not feel comfortable with such, he should forget the lady and move on

effisyman: I don't expect you to be angry.

We need to thread gently when we talk, people will always give deeper meanings to whatever we write or happenings around them.
A lot of women reading what you ladies have written will either be praying for their husband to die or go to the extreme to kill them just because he cheated and think they will be happy after he might have gone.

You see, we should learn to explore more constructive measure in dealing with issues than what you ladies have been saying.

Abi, what will it take from the same woman who mourns a cheating husband and says maybe he would have changed and be a loving husband/father if he had more time on earth.

Most of the ladies who have written have already supported the idea, these am saying is sending wrong signals.

No one wishes a love one dead or rejoice of his/her demise cos of his past.

Peace#

@bolded: LOL!

rofemiguwa: Well am not justifying the woman'4 attitude but atimes you must have bin hurt so much u have pass the level of pain or showing any emotion.
You will just be blank.you don't have anytin to give anymore cos the cheater has drained u of every single tin you will ever feel.

All you feel is relief.

When we were little, we had this neighbour that was a renowned cheater soo much that his wife was addressed As nwanyi ahu di ya ejiro anya efu skirt( that wife of a womaniser)

That's how she was described.when the guy died mysteriously( according to the story the husband of one of his mistress jazzed him). During his burial the wife was busy serving food to her family members and her neighbour. U won't believe that woman jus lost her husband. It was as if she was hosting a party. When one of the relative tried cautioning her see snobbing! Serious ela!


The woman didn't give her husband one single repect that day. She didn't even near the grave side when dy were lowering him into the grave.

Nobody blamed her really, people just felt she shouldn't have made it so obvious.

So maybe the op friend has passed thru similar tinz. She will jus be grateful to GOD that she didn't catch a terrible disease instead of bothering to appear sober

How horrible

Why were people running it in her face? Was it her fault her husband was loose?

thorpido: I can't blame a woman who doesn't mourn her cheating spouse when he dies.I know a guy who treats his wife terribly.I wouldn't bat an eye if tomorrow I see her painting the town red if her husband passes.

...as long as she has no hand in his death.

Thank you

Imagine eating your cake, having it back and keeping some in the fridge

If you want people you leave behind to feel the impact of your death, start laying the foundation right now you are alive

25+

bukatyne: Madam, once again, this thread is not about us.

I don't do e-issues or e-fights. And with what have I been attacking people in the first place?

You and hubby deliberate on issues and another person's hubby is forcing her to stop something he knew very well she was doing and you are comparing apples and oranges.

Ok, to humor you, let me share my 'experience'

All through my university days, I was on trousers and we usually wear matching trousers to school then. After school, God told me to stop wearing trousers.

I did not say it was God's command and kept mute. I told him and had to convince him too. Initially, he didn't like it but I told him I was not going back and that we will buy nice skirts and we could still do our matching colors .

What is the point of my narrative? It would be wicked of me if I just stopped or told him for information purpose that status has changed or worse still waited until after marriage to 'spring' up the surprise since he's going 'no where'. Afteral, as a Christian, he cannot 'divorce' me because of trousers; anybody he tells will even support me since I want to drop a 'sinful' thing. This is usually the problem in marriages; during courtship, we accept the man/woman as he or she is and 'worship' the ground they walk on. After marriage, we then want to bend them to suit ourselves because 'they are no longer going anywhere'. We know they cannot divorce because our religion and society doesn't support it and we then begin to wonder why our spouse has 'changed' My fiancé liked to keep late nights or hang out with the boys and I never complained; suddenly because I am now his Mrs, I want him to come back home to me every night after work. Like seriously?

If the man received the 'revelation' after marriage, he ought to sell it in a way the wife feels loved and cherished. There could also be some things in his life that needs changing and it would be ideal he works on them first. When the wife notice the changes (either subtle or outright), she would feel convinced and try to adjust too.

ONE YEAR AFTER!

Bukatyne on fire

smokescreen4: I want to hear from married folks especially women, would you sincerely mourn a man that cheats on you I have a friend though we are not very close I had spoken about her on another thread she lost her hubby some months ago and she seem to be having the time of her life, I have ran into her a couple of times since her hubby's death and she has never looked sooo pretty and sexy. Sources close to her said her husband's cheating has always bin an issue she had told some people she would leave the marriage, the guy died suddenly he was 42 so I heard, personally I HATE cheating but this lady seem to be soo happy she is letting it show, a lot of people are talking about it, she is now a rich sexy widow with two cute kids.Over to you ladies would your tears be that of hurt/sorrow or tears of relief.

@OP:

Capital no

That is if I stay long enough till he is dead

lezz: what do you define as intelligence? Hope you aren't limiting it to academics. Because academics is just a fleck of drop in the ocean of intelligence. And believe me, baby, when it comes to ACADEMIC WISDOM OF LIFE. The average female don't come close to the average male.

Albert Einstein was discovered to have had a bigger than average potion of the part of the brain that handles stuffs like mathematics. So yes in brain size bigger may just mean better.

Women see and interprete life's situations from the emotional angle and sentimental sphere. So they are sympathetic and curious in situations where a male would be cautious and suspicions, need i add logical.

But who's blaming them? Only a fool! Because God in his wisdom infinite, made woman soft, tender and meek because of the child she's going to raise and the burden of the husband she going to support and help.

And he made the man hard, difficult and less easy to fall into cheap trickery because of the woman and family he's going to protect.

That's why God built women tough with lasting shock-absolver to cope with what a man really can't cope with.

When a woman loses sight of this simple wisdom and try and compete with the man, she only gets confused, unhappy, moody. No matter her material and intellectual acquirement.
Because the fulfilment of every woman, the unspeakeble and indescribable feeling of the joy of accomplishment, of having fulfill that burden of life of her womanhood rests on the the success of her role in her husband's calling and kingdom.

Like cheating and the likes!

Touche!

It is all good though

I honestly think all these debates starts and ends on NL. I mean, what has my believing men and women are equal or men superior or women superior got to do with cococandy and her family in the East (been naughty ) or Nashville and his family abroad (it is a long time I've seen you post )

If I say I cannot stand cheating and another woman can, how does it put garri on my table? The truth is that there is a man/woman for everyone. If you believe a woman is superior, look for a man/woman that thinks so; if you feel a man is superior, look for like minded spouses and if you think a man & woman are two equal people who pull their resources to make it work, look for a like minded person.

The only prayer is that my well trained kids do not jam the kids of some posters. After hubby and I sacrifice all, it will be terrible for one yeye child to spoil it.

Apart from that, everyone please carry go with your lives o jare.

@OP:

Are you referring to random people or previous acquaintances?

If random, what kind of discussions led to such?

There is no special way a married woman carries herself to be 'respected'. People will treat you how you place yourself to be treated.

If you are referring to dressing, I know some grannies that will beat you to it Hair on point, nails etc.(not indecency o!). There are some that its their kids that will make you know they are married. I know some that are petite, not using rings, have 2 kids in a 8+ marriage and look like a university undergrad

Live your life to suit yourself

50calibre: In that case, you only prove my point that many women are incapable of loving a man unconditionally because if you do, whether or not he has side chic or not, won't matter one bit.

It's a fundamental part of the male nature to want to breed with as many females as possible, it's nature. It takes something special to get rid of this trait.

Many successful men have chics on the side & their wives don't care as long as it makes them happy. Your man's happiness should be your utmost priority, he may choose to bang as many women as he can find, but he's with you, he still comes home to you.

Never say never, even your husband may have his side chics someplace where he goes to treat his coc*k to a different cuisine (different from what cococandy has at home ) you better start being open to the idea of men cheating (I think that word should be invalid for men, a man don't cheat, he acts out nature)

You are very funny

I guess men can love unconditionally side men or not?

@Second bolded: please stop deceiving stup.i.d girls . A man has spent the best part of his day with his mistress and will bring his exhausting empty shell back home for the mumu wife.

The man will surely stay home when his body is ravaged with illness for wife to nurse or when money is gone

Mutuwa: LATE MARRIAGE Is the cause of all this..and how the media defines the kind of man ladies should go for,most ladies don't usually go for short guys...

"By late marriage, I mean from 32 years for the woman and 40 years for the man.
Honestly the disadvantages are numerous For a lady.Menopause now starts earlier.I don't know whether to blame it on dietary habits or environmental factors, women now experience menopause earlier; some as early as 35. Women who marry late panic and fret about having children.
Their anxiety can also delay achieving pregnancy. Women over 35 also miscarry easily and experience more complications during delivery.Again when women don't marry early,they become fearful at the prospect of becoming spinsters that they abandon the search for Mr Right and accept any Mr Available.
Desperation can lead to wrong choice and failed marriage. When a lady is made career-wise, men get scared of her.They feel an inherent sense of inferiority. Those that muster the courage may be seen by her as gold diggers and opportunists.
Better to marry when you can get genuine love and grow with the person than wait to be on the begging end Reality things.

Very true however not everyone is lucky

aderonila18: I believe the Virgin one because unlike what obtains in Nigeria the religious fold over there are very serious with it. Most of the dedicated Christian boys and girls take a vow of chasity and they even wear the ring or necklace as a symbol. The good thing about Americans is that they are not hypocrites unlike us. If they are religious that are very serious with it in all aspects unlike here that Pastor will be sleeping with choir member

Very True

adeoladrg: 7. There Are Actually More Percentage of Virgins
In America Than In Most Countries In Africa?




This is highly impossible!!! In fact, there's no virgin in this world! At most, the percentage will be struggling to hit 5%. Pervs everywhere.

On the average, I think the Americans are more moral than Africans. Those that are Muslims are genuine Muslims; Those that are Christians are; etc. They do not do our typical mix and match

Godmystrength: one person shouldn't be the one enjoying and enduring. they both should. And i don't think the hard times we talk about in marriage should be ABUSE.

For better for worse..

The worse is cheating and abuse from the husband's end only

Get on with the times

5minsmadness: Feminism heaps false accusations on men.
That's what pisses guys off about it.
Most of the time what feminism tries to highlight are either old ways or highly exaggerated imaginations. And most times they pin it on the man.

Nobody likes being falsely accused.

See efe asking a guy in this 21st century if he will think his girlfriend is a prost1tute for taking charge during sex,

Like seriously? Next thing is to tell you we make love on palm trees and beat native gongs after the act.

So you agree there was an 'old way?'

Don't you believe that some people will still want to be stuck to it especially when it favours them?

Some guys still think like that. You need to hear posh men talking in my office. Some are so archaic! 'How can my wife ask for my whereabouts? When she sees me, she sees me'; 'All these feferity na courtship o! after marriage, she go know say she don get husband' etc. etc. Omo, character no be by poshness. Beneath all the class, some guys are really not different from their 15th century counterparts.

damiso: LOL I ask him how he managed when he lived in Nigeria Ibadan for that matter

He says I don't get why you people can't say the truth.Some days I literarily have to pinch him not to say what he actually means in front of older people. Some people think he is very quiet they don't know he is not talking cos he does not want to say what I will get home and say "did you have to say that" so he keeps quiet and I know him so well now that I can actually say what he was thinking.

LOL! My special regards to him

When people tell hubby that 'your wife is very quiet', he will just smile. I am sure he's saying you don't want to know what she's thinking.

damiso: Baby Mama 's husband and mine must be brothers from another mother.My husband has an aunt that said some horrible things about me (so I heard cos he never told me) and till today I am the one who she apparently slagged off who begs him to call her.He simply says am protecting you from her drama I don't get why you insist on associating with her but my belief is life is too short she is an elderly woman sometimes we say things that in hindsight we might regret. I too tend to keep people's shortcomings away from him.He thinks am too nice I can't say no and people take me for granted while I think he needs to give people a few more chances before writing them off.

He also does not like naija churches and it saddens me that we go to different churches (we initially both used to worship in the Church of England).He also does not know how to lie and says what I call naija diplomacy is lying Over principled dey worry am. He will argue at Naija immigration and will say that 1, 000 naira bribe I don't mind giving to hurry up my departure is part of Naija's problem.

Well naija/yoruba diplomacy is in reality lying. I have that flaw too so instead I keep quiet most times.

I remember one day, one oga annoyed me and she saw it (I nor get yoruba ajo),she starting saying 'I you are thinking see this yeye madam etc'. I just kept starring at her because that was what I was thinking

This depends on several factors:

If I knowingly married an abuser, I will carry my cross + walk on egg shells to avoid his anger

If my husband slapped me during an argument (aftering knowing him for almost 9yrs), I would not leave but give a very stern warning/report to my family/our pastor and friends. Second time... see gobe

If my hubby just slapped me out of the blues (no previous fracas, no argument, I will pray seriously about it (after raking sha)

I saw Elnathan John and I knew bam! I would love it. He also did a piece called 'The Nigerian god' very interesting

Thank you Aisha

5minsmadness: My dear, we are the original Adams,men of honour that can never stay comfortably under the roof of a house built by a woman; something meant to be OUR responsibility.
We cavemen are the true Men and not all the politically correct pussywillows that are found all over the internet.

I even saw a guy the other day taking a selfie and putting it on fb for 'likes' SMH.

Lol! @ original Adam

Good for you

Remember that 'original' Adam's home was built by his Father (God) same with his clothes

Shelter or clothing is not what makes a man.

ladygogo: Most are runs girls turned wives.

Nike Osinowo and her husband are divorced and left the man high and dry.

Heard Okoya and Shade have the dreaded disease.

Ene maya lawani and John Obayuwana never got married.His daughter, Jennifer, is still hoping her Dad reconciles with her Mum.

*sips tea*

Exactly what I was telling luciouslex

Happywoman: quote author=tpia1]@ happywoman


^ everybody has a price abeg.

make una stop pretending.

Jesus has paid my own price though.
@ Tpia
Amen to Jesus o!

The same way everyone has their own opinions and personal rule. Grownig up I had these same kind of options several some not this rich some even richer but , my own style and and preferencec didn't allow me succumb to d pressure .thank you Jesus for that.
There was one persistent one I had to ask him why must I eat rechauffe let me rock my youth with my peers well well first . Wen am don you can come then if there is still space.
The fine bobo dat looks broke tday will hammer 2moro so I I will choose Tyreese over Trump. Just a lil extra patience and u'll have it all fit body, youth ,money and everything . I deserve all that and more.
Thanks to Jesus!
Its not pretence its preference + patience

Na una sabi sha me I don talk my own.

@ bolded: on point!

I mean if it money they want, are there no rich men who are young?

lusciouslex: My dear, I've seen a lot. It hurts me whenever I see what was kept for young men being consumed by their senior colleagues all because of greed.

Lol!

But sincerely, most of these ladies are not decent so what really are the young men crying about?

It takes a kind of greed to do this and decent girls do not have it.

See these ones as 'eran agba' (Meat/feast of elders)

5minsmadness: Why did she feel she had to hide these things from the husband? Doesn't she trust him? Also how much does she earn that she was able to save and build a house and the husband didn't notice?
The husband should forgive her for being conniving and they should put the ownership of the house in both thier names.
[If it is me, being the caveman that I am, I would continue to pay the rent of the house until I have paid the cost of the house in full or until she tells me to stop.]


**spreads foldable recliner chair and grabs a chilled can of Heineken***

Thank God you know you are a caveman

alutacontinua: lolllllllllllllllllll
@phema, your children go like daddy pass

Just lol

Who are those that said you are kind Let them come to me for assessment

snazzylove: I'll start by telling you that whatever is making you go gaga for this guy is not love, but infatuation and lust unfortunately, and its not worth risking your 13yrs old marriage for.
Like I said, I was once in ur shoes, but the difference is that the guy in question made advances to me, initially I waz like wat da heck does he want, but as time goes by, my mind(devil) started playing trick on my emotions and before you say SNAZZ I was having sleepless nights over him. It was bad, so bad that my hussy noticed my uneasiness.
How did I deal with it?
1) I prayed for Gods wisdom and grace.

2) I asked myself what is it in this guy dat my hussy doesn't have or what can he offer that my hussy cannot give. If its money, I prayed for the grace to be contented.

3) I started seeing the guy as a devil(distraction). Yes oo. I continued to tell myself that this guy is out to break my home.

4) I developed a new form of love for my hussy. Yes. New love. Those things I was seeing in that guy, I started imagining them 4 my hussy. Call it fantasy if you like. I fantasize and daydream about the man I've been married to and have been living with for years. I do crazy stuffs with him. Somtimes when he comes back from work I grab him from d door and seduce him to love making.
At first hussy was lkie what's going on, but bet me he enjoyed evry bit of the new love.
What was I doing? Igniting the fire of love in my marriage, all the while trying to think less of the other guy.
Note am equally a mother of three.
I bought new perfume for him to have a different and more romantic fragrance on him, I did a lot of things that I may not be able to write every thing down.
There was a day I jokingly told him to better start re-toasting me again oo, he was like, "babe all this one you are doing are you sure nobody is toasting you out there"? I was like "dey dia nah, as I hot reach, dem no go toast me before"?
I jokingly passed a message to him.

5) I continued loving my hussy with this new love, even when I don't feel like it. And I continued to pray. And I stopped paying attention to that other guy, no matter how 'dressy' or handsome he appears before me, I turn a blind bat. I stopped seeing anything good in him

6) When I was half-way satisfied with my conscience. I opened up and told hussy everything. I was ready to take whatever tantrum he would have thrown(cos hussy was and is still a good man).
Surprisingly, hussy was not mad at me, infact he commended me, he spoilt me with more love. He took me shopping, movies, clubbing, just name it. He made me feel like a teenager. I felt guilty and fulfilled at the same time.
Sorry for the long sermon

In your case, I think it is and will be easier for you to deal with. Reason is that you are the one falling for this guy and unfortunately or rather fortunately for you, he doesn't notice it(and please don't make him notice).

Forget whatever you are feeling for him, its not real, believe me its not real. Channel that energy, time and emotions you are wasting on him into your marriage, work on yourself, ignite fire of love and romance, see your hussy in a different but positive light, fall in love with him all over again. Do those little romantic stuffs you did in the past, plan a getaway weekend with him(I did that too) just the two of you, have fun, fun, and more fun with your hussy, before you realize it, that your crush will become history.

Chai! Na me type all these. Abeg my thumb is hurting. Make I rest. Feel free to ask me any question if you have.

6

This is very beautiful and practical

OP, please follow this

7

Babymama1: You garrit or you ain't garrit
Genny garrit
Tiwa doesn't

Very true lol!

Burger01: Tiwa Savage doesn't need to learn anything from Genny. I hope you aren't saying Savage should come and learn 'bleaching' techniques from Genny. Savage does it the natural way.

OH Savage bleaches the natural way?

Tiwa is very classless and tacky for someone who was Beyoncè's dancer.

Can you compare what Genny wore to what Tiwa wore?

I never knew that Genny wore that gown to Mo's birthday party with Tiwa looking trashy as usual beforeI made my comment on the other Genny' thread.

At this rate, Tiwa's friends need to find out if she's ok mentally.

That woman is sick

Stunning and decent = elegant

Tiwa Savage, come and learn how it is done.

mamateniola1: There is this guy that comes to my office often, he asked me out before I got married and was seriously on my neck. I got married and he stopped disturbing me. Several months after, he came back saying he no fit get me out of his mind and one day he met me at the car park n told me later that I turn him on everytim n ofcourse,he knows my status! He too got married shortly after and I say thank God oh,he will be off my case. But no way. He wnt just leave me. just few days ago, he came to office n I was d only one in my ofice n he started his sermon again, how he thinks of me everytim,how he feels trapped anytime he sees me blah blah. I got very angry n in my mind was like cursing dis guy.---here I am ttc,your wife got ha bfp almost immediately yu marry her,she don put to bed now,stupid boy, let God hear my cry too '.Mtcheew. I left him there. Thank GOd it was almost closing time,I closed and left for home stil veryyyyy angry. Because, I feel he is just mocking me. If I don born, he won't be there telling me rubbish. I went to bed straight.hubby came back and wondered why I was in bed at that time, I told him straight that I am not happy. Did something happened in your office? he asked me. Didn't want to tell him my ordeal. Lollllllllll..Next thing he went to have his bath (he knows I like his body cold against mine) used Colgate mouthwash(he knows I like the taste in his mouth) Loll, and started touching me wif his longjohn..I have never been more angrierrrr. I almost hit him!! He was like whattttt! What came over you? In my mind, I say men are all thesame lollll. One got me angry at work untop same mata, anoda is here feeling like na only his longjohn fit bring me out of the mood I was.I was still angry 2 days after. Mtcheeww. Lolll.

Sorry MamaT,

Had to laugh @ longjohn and colgate side