₦airaland Forum

crackhaus: And having come to this conclusion, I expected you to state the foundation you're building from as well as the foundation you 'presume' I'm building from.

Bros,

You know what I talking about

dam007: madam.. not like the wife is compelled to "help the husband financially" for a reasonable man whose affairs are going well.. her assistance goes to the family/kids as its her family too! and since this is the case, should the husband not actively assist with chores, he shouldn't be forced to get it?? madam low on amala

I don't get your point bro

I am actually low on indomine

chineloSA: I once read an article where the same Bianca said am a mother she would advice her daughter against it. .
I am just too lazy to look for the article

If she is truthful to herself, she will regret her marriage.

100Cents: I commend your write up.

I doubt if most ladies will understand what you just wrote.

Those type of ladies whose preoccupation is wearing the latest fashion and acquiring as many boyfriends as possible to ensure constant supply of recharge cards of MTN, GLO and Etisalat networks.

Did she write to ladies or to people?

The only one specific to ladies is No 2 so what is your post about?

I am sure that when pastors are teaching husbands love your wives, some men are hearing wives love your husbands

crackhaus: Like I said before...men are men, women are women.
Different sexes, different rules...that's the way it's always been and will continue to be for a long time.



However, a correction.. I never said a wife CANNOT decide to help, this is just your head playing the competition game.

Read your response to cococandy and dang! that did it for me

We are not building on the same foundation so there is really nothing to discuss as regards this

SirBigH: Come to think of it, marriage is suppose to be about friendship, love, mutual respect, loyalty, and submissiveness (list is not exhausted). Going by that, helping your wife with the chores shouldn't be much of a problem especially when you do it willingly. It's high time we stop this mentality of seeing our partner as another person. I mean, doing chores should be a nice way of starting the weekend. In 2014, we should open our mind and stop holding on to the archaic mentality that it's a woman's duty to do all chores. For someone like me that adores a neat home (I believe we all do), helping should be very easy for me.



I see it more as being insensitive sitting on the couch with remote control in hand watching my darling Arsenal FC gun down opponents while she labours from kitchen to toilet, to sweeping the compound, the living room and bedroom, and to the market and back to the kitchen again. Haba!!! If you marry someone whom you have deep emotional connection with built on genuine friendship, then house chores will be fun for both of you.

Splendid

I say most married people are not 'married'

I mean I will have money in my account and my hubby is jumping from east to west to pay bills and I will say I love him? My wife is jumping from room to kitchen and I just cross leg watching soccer or CNN and I will claim to love her?

Love no be for mouth o!

I cannot even see my friend struggling with something and I fold my arms how much more a man/woman I swore to love and cherish?

Even colleagues help each other with their stuffs once in a while

Sometimes, 'marriages' bring out the worst in people

crackhaus: Why wouldn't she want to help out if she has the means?

I'm sorry, but your question is highly unlikely.

This is hilarious!

The wife cannot decide to help if she has the cash but the husband can decide not to help if he has the time?

Classic

dam007: don't get this wrong, my point is its not a bad idea to help your spouse with chores.. But its a choice.. Just because she supports her husband should not make it a must for him to handle some chores! Na!

You are high on fufu

It is compulsory for a wife to support her hubby financially but somehow it is not compulsory for a husband to support his wife domestically

You are really high

ukandi1: i think that u are getting it twisted here. D issue is d age difference between them, not when d first child arrives. D child arriving at whatever age shud not be part of d equation.
Celine dion is 29 yrs younger than her husband of many yrs.
I am 8yrs older than my wife but she looks much older just after 1.
My dad is 13yrs older than my mum but believe me, my dad is still a guyman unlike my mum who now has dis grandma looks( although she is ) when compared with her husband.
Plus or minute 15 yrs is still okay. My humble opinion.

Lucky you

Everything is in a package. The age you marry automatically determines the age your first child comes

@ for looking olders/younger, it might be the genes, stress, abuse, overworking, lack of peace etc.

Look into it, it might not necessarily be age

aisha2: Christainity condemns adultery in strong terms;“‘If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.


dultery
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[e] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Divorce
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’[f] 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery

However, it is human hypocrisy that is in play in cases like this where people choose verses that soothes their own purpose and ignore the ones that tells then the truth.

If you read the history of the Israelis you will find that men would put away their wives for no just reason after taking her youth and virginity hence God said do not leave the wife of your youth and he hates divorce because of its abuse at that time. It was the same abuse of the divorce process that made Jesus say only adultery can be a good reason for divorce to minimise the cases of divorce.
Then a man could write his wife a decree of divorce just because he felt like it with or without justification.

As for the church people they are just people that they are in church without understanding fully the words of God doesn't actually make them christains. Every human has their bias, a Christian in as much would avoid a situation where a couple would have to divorce would still go back to the bible and understand that sometimes divorce needs to happen for the safety and sanity of a couple and will not judge or condemn the parties involved.

Aisha you wicked o!

I sure the church would support stoning; afterall, it is clearly stated in their bibles

All these 'turn-the-other-cheek' kind of christians. They do not read the bibles up to 'do as you want others to do unto you'

ndidibabe: Is your Mummy not old? Who no go old? Old age isn't a disease!! By the way, with this your last post, you are still very daft. Initially, you referred to a Man of Fifty years attending a PTA meeting as 'awful'. Now, you are talking about a woman of 40. What is the correlation?

I can see you are really not sensible for an old woman

Please do not quote me anymore

Thank you in advance

ndidibabe: This logic of yours shows how unintelligent you are! A 50 year old man can have a child who is a graduate and another in a secondary School . I guess you are still growing and you probably do not understand how these things work...

If you do not understand a post, it is wise to keep quiet

I guess a woman having her 1st child at 40 and another one having her 4th child at 40 is same to you.

Old woman

EfemenaXY: Impossible to say as it really depends on a lot of factors such as the environment in which they find themselves, culture, attitudes, and even the perspectives of the couple involved.

What I can say though is that I'll be hard pressed to believe a lady marrying a man (for the first time), old enough to be her father or grandfather, would be doing so out of 'love'. It just has to be based on finance. My opinion.

Ok,

When you say older men personally, what age range were you looking at?

EfemenaXY: When we say older men, we aren't referring to men old enough to be our fathers or grandfathers...which seems to be what you've described here...



Oh that!

Ah, but that was describing how it was a couple of generations ago naw...all that grinding, fetching, carrying, cooking, farming, et al...

If I was born then, I most certainly would advocate for a couple more co-wives to help ease the burden sef. (that's where Cococandy and Carefreewannabe go come in handy... ) I probably would have been into pottery / mat making or even been a successful fish seller. Infact, anything to beat farm work.

And yes, older man again it would have been for me too

When you say older, by how many years?

If the wifey is 24 & hubby 29, the hubby is older while techncially her age mate/grade

I saw someone mention 4yrs diff as older men

@what age do you think a lady can marry to put very thing in perspective.

moreeni: Let me not sugar coat it for you at all...

You are the rock, the refuge, the security, the promise of a good life and marriage, the safety nest, the all needed in a good man for the future. She is a very wise girl! Who in her right sense would pass off a guy like you? ...but you are not her adventure, her love, her wanted companion and last bus-stop. She would probably spend the rest of her life with you so long as any other Fancy does not ask her for a long walk though several short walks are guaranteed.


Oko Iyawo, you will always be her bronze medal...

100% right

@OP: She has seen you as a husband material and wants to hold on to you permanently while she samples round called eating your cake and having it.

On a second thought, she might want you to break up with her so she will play victim or why should she flaunt her ex in front of you? Does she think you have/will have memory loss in future?

Well well doesnot really matter what she thinks! Move on asap.

Even if she comes begging, tell her the game is over.

beeevan: Nope, i prefer to stay where I see something worthy.

Lol!

See no evil; hear no evil

@Abrilla: do you think it is just the age diffrrence or other factors?

The 1st & 3rd qualities are funny

A woman married to a gospel artist that cannot apologize; hope the hubby is learning because it is not christianly

A woman not caring what hubby does as far as he comes home to her? Hmm... he has spent the most productive time with his gf.

It is all good as far as there is mutual underdtanding

Mintayo: Pastor Chris is surrounded by demons disquised as ladies who arre sent to destroy his family and ministry!
He should wake up!

Abegi!
If Anita surrounded herself with young virile men, will you call them demons?

Sweetlemon: Nigerians will always be Nigerians and comment on what they know nothing about.

1. Yes, it is very possible Pastor Chris has other women but have you asked why? (Abegi don't give me that self-control nonsense. He's a man!)
2. Whose idea was it they should live in different countries?
3. What is really the root cause of the issues? Who started doing or saying what? Why? When?

When we have answers to these questions (from no other people but the couple themselves of course!) call me to come and comment.

You believe all men cheat?

That's strange

And there is truly something called self control

Gombs: Where is Pastor Kunle, Drummerboy aka WinsomX?


Heart attack for some bad belle people o!

Meanwhile, y'all are invited to today's Global communion service, there will be Questions and answers session too

If not that you and your pastor has no shame; his house is on fire and he is doing Global Communion Service

What does he have to teach?

I am sure that all his minions will still flock the assembly for that program

Odilafta: Personally,I dig older guys lets say from 4 to 10 years older...For a person of my kind,I wouldn't tolerate my age mate because I know the kinda shows "they" run at the supposed age...



The thing is,I like someone with experience,someone I can learn from (I'm not saying there's ntin to learn from my mates but I want more) and not the regular "xkuagtdagmtjpa" we see these days.

I don't think thr older here is like 4yrs, 5yrs etc.

If I remember correctly,people with 5yrs difference are regarded as age mates

Like I said earlier, this is just on a natural level.

I know God give spouses, kids, and of course preferences.

But again, He knows the best

damiso: You are right sha guess everyone has preferences. But this thing is just time and chance and God's timing for us cos it could go the other way if we are talking about children's ages and doing stuff with them..I know someone who had her first child at 37 so yeah she will be still going to secondary school PTA at 50 too when at that age some women's children have all graduated university so its not necessarily a gender biased thing.I even have a friend who is 3years older than her husband so it could even go the other way too.

coogar: this mindset is extremely myopic.
so what if a woman married that young man & the baby does not show up after 10 years...she should get a divorce because her hubby would look 50 when the kid is 2?

This post doesnot help your case

If that woman married an older than and the baby didnot show up after ten years?

Or do you have evidence to show that only couples with little age difference TT?

EfemenaXY: Na wa o!

Which wan be "Efemena's style" again?

Lol!

You have one beautiful job description of a hardworking husband

That migh be one reason why women age drastically more than their hubbys.

Happy sunday

damiso: Can I ask why it is such a taboo for you I.e the age difference?

I kinda see the obvious apprehension at a certain age I.e my 18 yr old dating a 30 yr old BUT I have come to realise that these things are not cast in stone. I have friends who married as age mates and are divorced, I have ones who married that age difference and are also divorced.I know of peers who seem happy together and also that age difference who are also happy together.

I feel the most important prayer is that they choose the right one who will complement them to be who God wants them to be and will treat them right.

It is called preference.

If God made an older man for me, the first thing He would have done is change who I am to fancy an older man. Asking me to marry an older man with my current mindset is martial sucide

I do not know God's plan for my kid and I am willing to accept in the end. But naturally, hell no!

A 30 yr old that comes to look for my 18yr old wants to be castrated.

I also know that age difference has nothing to do with martial success.

I just like them young

P.S.: If I married at 25 to a 37yr olf man (12yrs) our kid will be 2yrs when he ll be 40. The older the diff, imagine the age of hubby. @50, he will be going to PTA meeting in primary&jnr secondary when his mates are celebrating their children's matric/convocation.

If a man is to marry young and maintain such difference, them we are talking pedo.

kaboninc: It seems you agree with the girl's position that 4 years of her life have been wasted. If you do...do you think its also right to conclude the same fate for the guy too?

Look at it this way...

You enter Uni to get a degree and after four years, you are rusticated or for some reasons could not get it; does it feel like wasted four years? does it matter if you wore the best clothes, won most handsome etc.?

You didnot achieve the purpose of entering the uni and that is a waste.

Now imagine you enter university with the aim to flex; your parents have one company you are to inherit and they probably forced you to school. If after four years, you no get pali, will it matter?

Trust me when I say some ladies believe all men are bad. I have discussed with some and when Isee it seems like I'm bragging, I keep quiet. I have also been told several times that all men cheat and there are only two types: those that are caught and those that are not. After a while, I leave them.

A neighbor of mine then used to say all men are bad that just choose anyone and I will smile that mummy abc I don't think so.

You can even see some on NL.

Nashville: So on cheating, ladies just tend to be more discrete than men. But they cheat as much as men and truth is that most men brag about cheating as an ego booster.

On your second point. Why would a sane young lady believe all men are bad. Are all men truly bad? No. So if you know that some men are good and decent like your wonderful husband, why would you advice a lady that thinks all men are bad to choose a horrible rich husband. Why not advice her that there are good men out there and she should be patient enough to find one, or more like be a wife material herself so that she can find a good man. To me marrying a horrible guy is the same - whether rich or poor. Some bad guys wouldn't even let the wife enjoy the riches. They will rather spend the money on girlfriends and prostitutes.

bukatyne: Michky: I DON'T CARE HOW YOU WANT TO RUN YOUR FAMILY BUT My husband will help me in chores, cook for me, serve me breakfast in bed with good lovemaking and shower me with unspeakable love. He will pamper me and make me blossom and shine with his love. I will become more beautiful daily and radiate like the sun. I will also do everything in my power to make him happy. I will build him up with my words, love and encourage him. I will be his greatest fan and give him my full support by God's grace. I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS TONIGHT. THINK ABOUT IT.

Reading one year later and I am smiling

Cool

Love you my baby

Nashville: I will just like to make a few points.

1. Cheating: If a man has to cheat with a woman, then it means men cheat as much as women. It all just depends at what stage of one's life. Because if a man sleeps with a woman, why is the man the only one cheating? And even if the girl were not married, she is cheating on her boyfriend and even with another woman's husband. So cheating is not a problem with men alone, both men and women do it cos it takes a man and a woman to have straight seex.

2. Now you say that it is better to marry a rich bad man than a poor bad man. Honestly, it is best not to be married at all than to be married to a bad man - whether he is rich or poor. Marriage is for a lifetime and I cannot imagine a lady going into a marriage with a guy that treats her horribly, just because he is rich. To me, that is suicide. And please, not all men are bad, most ladies are too obsessed with money that they will willingly marry a horrible rich guy and dump a good poor guy or even a good average guy. So if guys realise that their attitude has nothing to do with their chances of getting a babe, the next thing is to get rich or die trying. And then, when they get rich; they couldn't give a rat's ass about their babes cos they know they can always get a finer babe.

I am actually learning from this thread and we have a huge societal problem.

@Cheating: I will say men do more/boast of doing more and women bear cheating more than men (Then again, nobody stopped the women from leaving). On the average, the wife cheats and boom, she is gone that's why I am not highlighting it. Besides, some cheating husbands humilate their wives with their gfs. In reality, how many women can flaunt their bfs in front of their hubbys?Can they bring their lovers home and tell hubby to pay for their cabs? How many hubbys do you see fasting and praying for their cheating wives or wearing sexy satin boxers and building six packs so that wifey stops cheating? How many husbands are told to walk on egg shells so they don't arouse the anger of their abusive wives?

2. Bad hubby: I will never advice my enemy to marry a bad rich hubby but if a lady believes all men are bad, then she should please choose a rich one. Like a lot had said, money has wings but character lasts.

I have never prayed for a rich husband. Even when people prayef that I see a rich husband then, I don't say amen. Abeg pray I grow in my career or something more profitable

But that's me.

I never looked for 'potentials'

dBard: 'wasted'
In a mutual, loving relationship? ?

Haba now!
I'll probably respond the same way d guy did.


Not saying he wasn't insensitive sha, but she might 've bin a bit less reckless wit her words.

She obviously wanted something different so felt her time was wasted

cococandy: I didn't say guys that age aren't ready for marriage.
How can I speak for them?

I was speaking for MYSELF and MY preference.

Ok,

Your post was sounding that way

That's why we are different

damiso: My Dad was just one and a half years older than my mum you can't always help who your child will marry.did i also add that I was born into a Muslim home(not that my husband converted me) but my parents would have definitely preferred a Muslim guy.

I sincerely pray not