₦airaland Forum

coogar: you don't get it.

Ok, explain

There was no input required. I believe that for them to be engaged, they have started planning their future together.

1. They should have agreed on the % of their income to set aside for their new home (wedding &shelter) monthly

2. Declare all assets to know their current financial standing as they progress

3. If somewhere along the line, he felt or saw that they couldn't afford an elaborate wedding & building a home or decided building a house made more commercial sense than wedding big& renting, he should have called the OP lovingly, explained the situation and they both decide if

They should go for their dream wedding + rent

They should do court, build and wed big later

They should do court & invest

They should build & do court etc.

These are many possible scenarios Here, OP is part of the decision process and they both do what is best for them.

It seems the marriage stuff was just out of the blues for the guy.

coogar: how's his statement an insult to the OP? if the OP doesn't want to feel insulted, then she should withdraw her own money & pay for her cinderella wedding.

i thought you are a purveoyor of gender equality.....what's the OP's input in the 2 big projects ahead of them? she doesn't have money to spend & yet when the options are presented to her, she still felt insulted.

nigerian women-eating their cake & having it since 1914.

@coogar,

Hi

He neither suggest anything nor required his fiancee's input.

As a matter of fact, his statement was an insult to the OP. If he was suggesting or laying out the cards on the table, he will not have gone that route.

He considers marrying her (Not getting married) and building his house equal. What does he mean by building 'his' house when he is planning to get married?

I suggest the OP eases up on her wedding plans till they learn to be in sync

coogar: he suggested 2 projects and he wants his wife's opinion on which should wait. if he couldn't use his brain, he wouldn't even have a fiancée or the money to build a house in the first place.

when people ask questions, it's not because they are clueless most times, they are just seeking a second opinion. he asked a genuine question & the OP should have answered to the best of her knowledge.



and if he had taken the decision without consulting the OP, she would be here crying that her opinion doesn't matter. this just shows that majority of our nigerian women are not ready to make crucial decisions when the opportunity avails itself.

all they want is to be fed, screwed, eat like a boar & fart while watching african magic. female education in nigeria hasn't done much - what a pity!

chidyhels: Recommended wife/husband tins, no synergy btw the two. God help people cos this is 21st century. Smh
Op you passed the test but pls pause this marriage till you can build a solid relationship with this man.

I agree with you

[quote author=esthybam][/quote]While the bottom of your post is sensational, who are the people to fight against abuse in homes?

Did the women complain to you? Even if they did, are they ready to face it head on?

Everybody is wired to remove themselves from harmful situations. What is harmful varies from person to person.

We really do not know what we want in our society. We just mouth stuffs without building a foundation for it.

A child that saw her mom beaten by her dad and they claim to be 'happily' married or have a successful home or lead the marriage committee, how can she dump an abusive boyfriend/fiancee? How can she see anything wrong in battery?

We teach our kids that men & women are not equal and yet we complain men treat women like kids, playthings or properties?

We never hold men accountable and we complain they do not lead by example? We don't let our sons do chores and we complain that our husbands do not help?

We stayin shitty marriages without cautioning the men and we complain our kids esp. sons make lousy spouses?

Husband = Lord & Chief commander and we complain they treat women as subordinates?

We have sown the wind and are reaping the whirlwind. Women ain't seen nothing yet. We all should carry go and not train/caution the men around us.

Goodluck in your women lib program

@OP:

Same room, keep finding ways around clutter & junk

For those saying they want their privacy,

waking up, go to work, come back to cook & eat, watch tv/nairaland/surf the net, prepare for the next day...

When do you have enough time for each other talk more of wanting privacy?

Congrats to him

Ishilove: This guy seems pusssy whipped.

What do you mean by pusssy whipped?

@OP: Please let the girl go. It will hurt but better now than later.

The more you stay with her, the more you lose.

Thank God she is showing this now; what if sge waited till she got married to you?

I will not be surprised if the girl feels she's too young for a serious relationship and wants to play around and starts running from church to church when she's in her 30s or when she marries a bad husband

Funny, true and sad scenario

hotwax: Don't you get the simple logic?
when a man buys a car, they tell him to get a house, when get a house , they tell him "its now time to get married"

house, car, pets, wife are all properties.
all object of fame and pleasure.

we pay hefty money to purchase all of them.

the woman in your scenerio did much work than her husband. Why? Do you know how much the guy paid for dowry?

Car and wife are both delicate, luxurious and require care. Men treat women as delicate properties. That's why they do like mumu to their wife. Just like you will nurture your ferari with care. You don't want your Audi Q7 break down on third mainland bridge.

the moment the society realize they are selling their daughter, the better.

I can do anything to make my Audi q7 happy and healthy, so also ny woman. If that makes my Audi Q7 head of my house , no problem

Jambsupport: and u said these rubbish with so much boldness? smh for how some of us thinks.

Why don't you counter her post intelligently?

Pick out what you do not agree with and explain or if you disagree with the whole post, post your counter

Thanks

GlorifiedTunde: Simple issue. Man always remains the head of the home, not to dominate or control or rule his wife. But to love, lead, protect and guide her. Its a position of responsibility and not show of authority.

From what the Bible makes me believe, it could be more tasking if it is properly done. That's why a great husband must have broad enough shoulders to carry all the weight of the family.

My Dad was a Super Father and Husband # world's greatest dad, we miss you

Thank God for giving you insight

You are quite very lucky

On your way to having a beautiful home

Why is this story here?

What are we supposed to do?

tracyfemmmm: For taking a piece of fish from the cooking pot, 34 year old Fatima Bankole (pictured above) said she got the beating of her life from her husband, Alhaji Kamoru Bankole, on Wednesday July 16th and now has 26 stitches on her face as a result of the brutal assault.

Narrating what led to the attack, Fatima, who is one of three wives, said as wives of the Alhaji, they had a roaster for cooking. She said on the day any of them cooked, they would first dish for their husband, then the children before serving themselves.

She said on the day of the attack, the last wife had finished her cooking and served their husband and the children. She, Fatima, then went for her own meal but as soon as the third wife saw her food, she immediately went to report to their husband that Fatimah had taken the largest chunk of fish in the pot.
Not listening to her explanation that she only took pieces of fish scattered in the pot, their husband descended on her with punches to her face. She said she bled for hours and was thereafter locked up in a room for three days before she found a way of escape.

She said her husband had physically assaulted her several times in the past and even gave an account of a previous attack where her husband pulled her hair until it hurt so bad it gave her head injuries.
After her escape, Fatimah was assisted to the hospital by her neighbors. Her husband has since been arrested after a petition by a Women Arise civil group in Lagos. He is expected to be in court next week.

Source: Sahara Reporters
Women are suffering sha oh Who says we dont need feminism
[img]http://2.bp..com/-bURZ08KhH0M/U9OHJQgDWHI/AAAAAAADPbs/U341UK3kV94/s1600/unnamed0.jpg[/img]

ochejoseph: SINCERELY CAN YOU DO THIS ?

Mr. Bukatyne does

@OP;

The issues with the other tread was that he was too emotional with it and mixing abuse with been the head

Reminds me of the Doctor with two lab rats stuff I read here a while back:

Doc was teaching two rats how to press a bell. The two rats were conversing thus:

Rat 1: How is it with the Dr?

Rat 2: He is learning

Rat 1: How?

Rat 2: Anytime I press the bell, he brings my food

The ultimate is for the home to run smoothly. However, it is achieved, fine

cococandy: The word control gives me the goosebumps.
Really rubs me the wrong way.

How someone wants to conrol another person in the name of marriage is very sick indeed.
Some men use the submission message to try enforce control while in truth they are sick individuals who need help with their control issues

While some women use manipulation to control the men. Fan their egos and make them feel in charge while in truth they are just master puppeteers beating them adult men into shape


All in all it's just a sick thing that most people do. Wonder if it'll kill them to let others be themselves.

A big hug to you for the last statement.

Both ought to pull all resources for the betterment of the family

As they deem fit

shaybebaby: Saner would be determined by who makes better decisions depending on the situation and respective strengths. Outcomes would indeed prove them right or wrong.
Say I like maths and have been known to make sounder financial decisions than my partner, it stands to reason that I should take the lead in such matters. Not because of my gender but because I have proven that I am better equipped.
If my partner has shown himself to be a people person, a good negotiator and I'm the more impatient type, it stands to reason that he should take the lead when situations like that arise lest I ruin things with my temperament. I reiterate, it's called putting the best person forward for the task at hand for the benefit of all those involved( family).

Jovie: OP, take it easy. You were trying to make a point against opression but d anger is too much...

I agree

Most people live the puppet/puppet master game. Who the puppet & master is per time is the issue

cococandy: Lol @ people who are dictating the man's every dance step yet call him head of the family.
How's that not contradictory.

You're the head
Yet your every step is controlled.
Some things don't make sense.

All these women who seek to control men by using pretentious submission. Una take una time o.

Leave the man be biko.let him do his thing and you do yours. Both of you meeting each other halfway.
all those mind games may backfire someday.

Head and neck

ireneidiva: Particle? Okay.

Participle

Ma kosi mi lopolo jo

*Modifying my initial post

beeevan: It's quite unfortunate and if you speak to any of them in real life, you will understand where the compound"fish brain" came from.

Lol of compound fish brain

ireneidiva: Blessed not 'blest'.

Thanks. Blest is both past tense and past participle

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/blest

beeevan: Which part of these women 's brains makes them endure this?

Not every woman is blest with it

She died wuth the highest honours.

Goodluck to the hubby too. Knew his rights and sure exercised then wella. I am sure who to greet first surely was not an issue in their home.

What happened to the poor kids btw?

Depends solely on the child and build up.

By build up I mean the founation used to train the child. If you are the fire bridage parent, please stick to naija style.

If you want to train your kids, you fit copy oyinbo in Nigerian setting (aka there is still the room to beat when need be )

Nice thread

Ngokafor: ...Lolzzz!..this is what i will call end-time sarcasm..

...@beevan,Godmystrenght,Sophyrocks,bukatyne plese take note..lol

End time sarcasm from end time wives...

NL!

beeevan: Only an end time wife sleeps when husband is awake.

LOL!

beeevan: this is downright ridiculous

Don't tell me you wait for hubby to greet you?

@OP:

On a serious note, these type of topics are obviously from someone who is neither married nor in a committed relationship.

I am just trying to apply this topic to reality and it is so absurd.

Does the husband wait for the wife to wake up & greet before responding to her? Does he wake her up to greet him if she has not woken up?

Does the wife always ensure she wakes up before hubby to greet him?

My point is do not use the wrong scripture to back up your stance.

So searching of wife has become a heculian task?

Roland17: I detest arguing biblically because understanding is subjective but if a man is courageous enough to leave his enclave and his dwelling in search of a wife and finds one, have they not become one? What does one mean? In my culture one means everything and that includes changes to her last name, her new home, her allegiance and total commitment is to the new family we are about building together, so is mine..

I am in no way suggesting she is to forget her original family, far from it, parenting is one unique calling I revere but even her father would tell her your new future lies in your new home..

Very correct

But again how dare the wife sleeps when the husband is awake?

Godmystrength: Instead of going back to sleep, why not let him wake his wife to say the good morning so he can go his way and let the woman continue her sleep........ I don't even expect things like this to be a problem in marriage. When there are better things to do and think about. Must anyone even say good morning before you acknowledge that you have greeted eachother? I know some people might even come here to say that the wife MUST ENSURE that she wakes up before her husband UNFAILINGLY and KNEEL down beside hubby's bed and wait for him to wake up so she can say her good morning with RESPECT. When the wife is not OHHA in 'coming to America'

ferhyntorlah: bukatyne, you are one funny person. Wife must always be the one to greet oooooo. Man is head and so the head must be hallowed! SMH for some kain rules people just dey 'manufacture'.

LOL!

Abi na, order must be maintained!

Roland17: My last name is my identity, it's my history, it means every thing to me, it tells the world about me my linage, who I am and my future if it survives..

Personally, If the woman I am getting married to refuses to drop her fathers name irrespective of who the father is, then am sorry that's a total deal breaker, every one's opinion is subjective, what's next? Our kids would also bear their mom's maiden name too?

"And therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife and they shall become ONE flesh and one body" Genesis 2:24

Does Gen 2:24 prove that a woman whould take on her husband's name? or in this case, remove her maiden name?