₦airaland Forum

pickabeau1: The pastor will not know it was the wife's decision...

Modern Pastors are collection points

Shouldn't the pastor ask after the husband even if it is stylishl?

How dare the pastor say the wife is free to sleep in the church? Someone who should even apologize to the hubby and tell madam to return the tv and use style to collect brand new from oga

Most Christians don't read or practice what is in ther Bibles anyways so one jump up pastor can direct their lives anyhow

Some pastors are out there to destroy families

sexymoma: Cos We Assume We Aren't Giving Out Our Daughter For Money.

But It Biblical To Accept Bride Price.

Where was it written in the Bible tha t the husband must pay bride price

PocketEconomist: This thread is becoming something else.

As in eh!

tintingz: Is feminism an organization for men?? The social, political are for the right of women.

lmagine whites ranting about how Rosa Parks or Luther did not focus on them in their struggle against racism

Are you not defeating your own arguement?

If you have acknowledged that there is no single definition for feminism i.e. different intepretations, why are you all still putting all feminists under one umbrella? Why don't you ask them to define their own brand? Has it not occurred to you that the way everyone would inteprete feminism based on their experiences?

Everyone knows going to church late is wrong: some pastors will late comers to clean the surroundings; some would tell their members to go foe evangelism;some would stand outside the church; somewould tell them to pray after service; I even heard of a pastor that flogs late comers. Imagine I now decide to say all pastors are abusive because they flog late comers.

All extreme non-feminists are exactly the same with the extreme feminists

Dantedasz: You would agree with me that there is no single concrete definition of feminism. Although feminism might have started out as a subtle battle for women's rights, it has since evolved into a movement that can not be defined. By this I mean each feminist group has their own definition of what feminism means. Where one feminists demands start are where the demands of another group end and where those of another set of feminsts end is where those of another set begin. Feminism in Africa is different from feminism in Europe or America. The problem of African feminism is trying to transfer ideas from Europe and America to an African setting.
In the end African feminist come across as women who are confused as to what they really want and come across as a bunch of angry women who hate and blame men for all their woes-thus attacking the family which is the foundation of the society and the country.

Men were oppressing women via culture and rules...

Agroup of people decided to level the playing field for women...

And you are saying that they didnot consider the rights of men? rights they already have? did they stop men from doing what they doing previously?

Expect you want to marry a feminist, this thread is not necessary

dinachi: There is no nail and there is no head here! All the internet nairaland feminists have failed to link mainstream feminism to good marriage! It was an open challenge and you sour bunch failed woefully!

The truth is feminism is a sexist movement. It's interests lies with only women , it doesn't even recognize the rights of children.

It is a hate filled, sexist, selfish , confused movement of sad and bitter women who are against marriage, God, men and children!

If it is good why don't they just call it human rights advocacy, so that it comes with a package for everybody?

Many of the ignoramus women here cannot defend some of the quotes attributed to some of the most notable recent feminists about men.

I have thrown a simple challenge. If feminism is great how come most of their leading lights are either Divorced or Lesbians or Never married?

WHY DOES GOOD MARRIAGE ELUDE THE CORE FEMINISTS! That is the sensible question some of you should be answering not trying to defend bigotry and misandry!

lareine: Yes, his family is a closely knit one.
No they didn't pull resources to train him, his parents did. But yes, they've been there for him otherwise.
Planning our home, yes!

How does he then intend to sustain your future home?

Talk to him, airing your concerns to him and see how it goes.

You are welcome

Is he the firstborn/son?Do they have a closely knit family? Did they pull resources together to train him?

As for reason for not assisting you, takehis word for it and don't assume till proven otherwise

Have you both started planning your home?

lareine: Thanks for the correction.

His reason for not assisting me was that he had things to do. He listed them out. However, he ended up not doing just one out of a list of 4 things. I know for sure he didn't want to assist and he wanted me to use my savings.

I have taken pains to ask him what business he would love to do. We've costed everything, but once he gets his salary, he always comes up with one story of lending his siblings money, which he promises to get back and then one story will come out. Either they paid back in bits he couldn't save or he ended up picking their wares for the money and most times at exhorbitant rates. I don't want to be involved in that one.

Thanks so far for your advice.

Woged2005: Permission granted! As long as it works for ur family's goal.

Thanks

Will discuss it with him when next we see

LOL!

How would the wife have sown the Tv without hubby's knowlegde/ consent?

How would the pastor collect such from one party? Judging from the story, the hubby would not be frequent in church

Dantedasz: Good.
Can you please define feminism ?

Google is your friend

In summary, advocating equal rights for men and women in all spheres of life

lareine: [/quote]I can see your answers in my post

next time, just type after

Ask him why did not give you the money as promised, it would help you understand his view regarding money

As for the no saving part, when do you both plan to marry? Is there a house and other thingsin place?

If the spending is the only issue, it is your duty to encourage him on how to spend/save. Everyone is a rough diamond and that might be his own area of weakness. When he offers to buy stuffs that are not necessary or can wait, lovingly remind him that you have a home to build and there is till timefor future spoiling. You can also research about investments he can go into depending on his income.

Depending on the type of relationship you run, yoy can offer to shop for him (with the aim of getting quality things at cheaper rate). Find out the avenue he spends money and try to curtail it.

This is also an opportunity for you to discuss how finances will be run in your home and the model you will adopt.

Above all, ensure the issue is orted out before you wed.

Goodluck

@OP:

One of the qualities of a quality husband is one who help you to grow and such a quality is not developed overnight.

You did not state what you needed money for however, I expected you to use part of your savings for it.

Have you been asking him for money before he knew your savings or this is the first time?

Does he have a plan for your future? has he proposed marriage to you or are you just stringing yourself along with him?

Did you confirm he has no savings/investments or is it just the word of his mouth?

Please answer and we will take it from there

Stay calm

Dantedasz: ^
Do you claim to be a feminist?
Are you married or single?

I am one

Single

You must have super powers to know everyone's story

Dantedasz:
True.
However I respect such women more than the paper weight fake feminists who populate these boards eith their falsehood.
Wannabe feminists living under men in reality. Some of them are even in violent degrading marriages which they can not leave because they want to be Mrs Someone. The single girls claiming to be feminists on these boards are actually girls who have been in sad relationships that ended in disappointment hence their hatred of men and temporary relocation to the feminist camp until they fall for the next man who strolls along, then ite bye bye baby to feminism until the next episode of heart break hotel.
Hypocrites, all of them.

dayokanu: Dante.

Some feminists get from sperm banks to ensure no man is physically involved

And the sperm is from where?

So the woman rather let a cold instrument enter her than hot abunna?

Please don't judge all feminists by some crazy ones

Lol! you are funny

Feminism is about men and women being equal. I will not deny there are some extremists just like in every cause.

It will be hypocritical to condemn feminism because it has done so much good.

Everyone has been given common sense and it's left for each person to pick what suits him or her.

In biology, I was taught man evolved from apes...

Well, My Bible tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the Image of GOD

Like the popular song 'whose report will you believe?' 'I think I will believe the report of the Lord!'

If you are against extreme feminism, I will support you. But to condemn feminism all together is like throwing the baby away with the bath water

dinachi: Good point. Is there any brand of terrorism known as liberal terrorism? Just as terrorism is all about creating terror, feminism is all about female dominance. Why you now hear of liberal feminism is that some women came to their senses and wanted a middle course. But at the core of feminism is the inordinate desire to do away with men and the family structure. Mainstream feminists prefer hosting rallies and seminars against men to having families. And I need to add that quite a number of them have mental problems!

@OP:

Your wife will age according to how you use/stress her

Pamper and take care of her, she will look sweet sixteen for you

Dear Royal Roy/Tgirl4real,

why are some of my posts hidden?

Permission to adopt your model?

Woged2005: It is not advisable especially if one is not financially responsible. There are decisions u don't take driven by sentiments and emotions. The ideal model is:

1. -20% of each person's salary - Separate accounts for their personal needs (fuel, minor car repairs, makeups, clothing, restaurants, etc)
2. -30% of each person's salary into joint family account (requires joint signatory but managed by the wife, or a stay-at-home dad) for family expenses such as feeding, bills, family supplies, house maintenance, furniture, emergencies and medicals, etc.
3. -20% of each person's salary into a long term investment account they never touch such as a fixed deposit (cannot be withdrawn)
4. -20% into a college fund, where they pool funds for the kids' education (requires joint signatory)
5. -10% for charity and donations (requires joint decision)

All other accounts require a joint decision and joint signatory except number 1. (if u're stock in the middle of the road, u don't need to have a meeting to get out money to fuel ur car). In the past, some unreasonably parties have taken undue advantage of single joint accounts to frustrate each other. Therefore, it's increasingly becoming unpopular in families.

modestdude: On the issue of humility, i tried it out on a particular babe i admired. I called her and suggested we hang out in the evening. She agreed and asked me which place are we hanging out. Being ignorant of the several fast food and hot spots in the area because i came on a visit to my aunt, i suggested a moderate restaurant/joint thats not far from the Estate. Believe you me, to my utter disbelief this babe shouted 'God forbid' over the phone. it was like a bombshell and she cancelled the date.

I decided to let her go with her pride. She felt so big and proud that she ought not to be seen in places like that by people that know her or that her social class is way forward and above the level to hang out in such a joint.

With the end of that episode, the search still continues and i pray i must find that woman so down to earth

So a seemingly good girl said she is not going on a date with you because of the location of the eatery and you did not even bother to ask her reasons!

Don't worry, keep searching, you will find.

However note that God will not entrust His daughter to a proud and intolerant person like you

@ thread starter;

Why don't you make up your mind?

Are you referring to all feminists or the extreme ones? Can I reasonable say that all muslims are terrorists? Or can I use Osama's ideologies to judge all muslims?

[quote author=Re-Learning]That's not what I'm saying at all. In my post you'll notice that I said I don't agree with the violence but what was different about the responses were the genuine response from those that have husbands that told the lady to pray about and USE HER FEMININITY to change the situation. I'm learning that you don't have to use your mouth, loud talking, head rolling, ways to correct the situation. Humility is not even a term used. We have just as much PRIDE AND EGO as a man. And again, I'm learning that you can't combat pride with pride. It only causes a pride war because he is now busy trying to keep his manhood.....and at the end of the day, the situation wasn't made better in the household....you just proved that to BIG EGOS can start tearing down the family.[/quote]Re-learning,

In your effort to correct your attitude towards men, please DO NOT SWING to the other rxtreme of being a doormat expect if you want to be praying for your husband while he is cheating on you.

Most posters give advice they cannot follow themselves; the very poster who tells a wife to wear red pant and black bra for a husband who just abused her will scream the wife wasfoolish to stay when he kills her.

Most advices especially from male posters are to subjugate and dominate the women. The way you claim women are in America is the way some men are in Nigeria. They do not believe in mutual respect. A good wife is one who keeps mute inspite of her husband's continual disrespect etc.

What ever you do, find a balance.

Goodluck

ileobatojo: Excellent post.

This "OP's" problem has very little to do with feminism.

I have heard of women like the OP before feminism landed in Africa.

I know some who will still cringe at the thought of beong equal to a man but are worse than she is

dinachi: @ bolded is very correct. The rest of the post also makes sense.

I don't appreciate you modifying my posts to prove your point.

You want to fight against a cause? do so with integrity

Nashville: Frankly speaking, it seems like 50% of topics on Family Section these days are from newly registered people who just want to talk about feminism. Just beginning to take these with a pinch of salt.

It is the new high

See me thinking it was christmas season

@OP:

I doubt feminism makes people rude and bitter and without feminism you could still be this way

Since you have known your error and want to change, the following would help:

Love your self, develop a healthy self esteem and be confident in yourself. Most rude people have low self esteem and have demons they are fighting within. Being confident will help you acknowledge the fact that you are not perfect and needs someone to complement you

Learn how to be polite and humble to everyone no matter their station in life. Your character to random people matter a lot. I don't mean you should be a walk over: you can assert yourself without being rude

When you get a man or if you have one, learn to treat him the way he treats you (I want to assume you would choose a resppnsible man). Learn to also study and understand him so that you can respond accordingly to him as an individual. Different things make different men tick so know what makes yoir own man tick.

Also realize that there are some things he can do better than you; tap into it freely and vice versa. I am not talking of generic gender roles. Learn to make him feel loved and proud to be with you. Learn to talk to him respectfully and air your grievances with love

Learn to be yourself without pretense and always put him in your shoes when relating with him.

It is well

dinachi: Most hard core feminists are also atheists because they think that religion is against women. My take is that before you become a feminist you should know that it is a sure way to a divorce.

Now this is hilarious!

I would advise you have an NGO that wars against women becoming feminists!

I am sure these demonic feminists were also responsible for our fore fathers changing their wives like wrapper!

Death to the feminists!

faakay: Well I don't know because I'm not a counselor, these are my own observations and I think this will help.

I might not be 100% right but I have got some valid points above.

OK

I am 100% sure nobody will tell any woman to disrespect her husband

However we should realize that a marriage is made up of two parties and we must address both partiea.

A woman whose husband loves and cherishes her will do all in her power to make him happy. Remember the case of the chineae woman who saved her hubby by his boxers. You can imagine the atrenght required to achieve that; it's love that produces such.

A woman who loves and respects her husband will ginger him to love her more and more.

As a man is called to lead his home, he must determine the pace and atomsphere of his home with practical examples

ileobatojo: You're giving this OP way too much credit.

You need to realize that some people simply have no use for common sense.

Lol!

Wetin I go talk?

@OP

Except you have met with all feminists, I don't think your queation is reasonable.

Just as different people inteprete the Bible in different ways, feminists are also view life and the man woman relationahip differently

Anyways, thanks I think I really need to read up Chidinma, we have the same opinion regarding men and their pockets

@OP:

I believe you want to better the martial institution.

I have an assignment for you: If from time immemorial this same message has been recycled and it is not working,

What do you think is wrong?
What new method do you think will work?