₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Mr. Aladin]My Blessed Mother
queen of Heave
plz intercede on mY behalf
so that i can conquer my worries.



O Mary Conceive Without Sin.







To Learn More About Our Blessed Mother

visit www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=4967[/quote]O Mary conceived without sin?

I guess we are reading different bibles.

Those that talk about honoring ones parents would have made point if Joseph is half as reverred as Mary is.

If you tell me that Jesus's father is also reverred, that means you are equating Mary to God

P.S. : Jesus the son of Mary (in the flesh) is different from Jesus the son of God

I wonder where all these men come from?

Granted he wants to send her home for re-training, what stops im from calling her parents privately and explain to them and the re-trained wife goes back to him without disgrace?

Why this need to humilate always?

cupid03: Yyyyyyyeeeeeaaaaaaaahhh finally registered on nairaland dnt know why it took me soo long,I have always being a guest especially on family section,nashville,CC,efenema,chilisauce,yellow pawpaw,kuylie,ifyalways,JK,coogar(hmmmm),buktayne,,ify alwAys,etc I have learnt alot from u guys,I loooove dis topic.

Hi dear,

You are most welcome.

There are a lot of things to learn/ not learn on NL.

Wish you a great stay

damiso: Revolutionaries or people who affect the world often have to make huge personal sacrifices.Often its their marriages or family.Hard pill to swallow as the spouse or child but nonetheless the reality.I watched a documentary on BBC 2 titled the 'Mandela's Prison Years' and it was obvious he adored Winnie.He loved her and she him (she was even a comrade in the struggle) but their marriage still could not withstand the pressures associated with that kind of life.
People tell me off and say its ok for me to say but I really dont believe marriage is for everyone. I know its a controversial belief but id take mother theresa anyday over ALOT of pastor's wives.Sometimes your purpose or calling is faar higher than marriage.My only grouse is if you know or kinda figured it out, pls dont marry and if you will be upfront make sure that person knows and maybe shares that vision.I do know though that humans change and the spouse might intially think they can but realise along the way they actually can't. It's complicated jare.

Hi damiso,

Sometimes, i really like your view on some issues. You seem not to have gotten the everyone must marry bug and a woman has no life outside marriage

Marriage really hinder some people fulfilling their call. Some are wise enough to marry someone with like vision and others esp men force their spouses to sacrifice for them to fulfil it.

I reallly don't expect a married woman or man to compete with the singles in terms of some activities. Funny enough, an average youth thinks the best time to serve God or discover themselves is after marriage.

It is well

Don Demu: I knew it. I knew i will log in to Nairaland and see all these "Child Not Bride" haters spewing shit all over the place. WTF is wrong with y'all that you cant keep still for someone's private ish? Does Yerima's action mean y'all should go and marry or marry off a 9yr old? Pls leave Sharia law for muslims and go practice the religion what you wanna practice. I think the 1999 constitution is expressly clear about that. Yan bura uba kai!!

For the love of God, keep your stinking mouth shut.

You are a shame and disgrace at humanity!

How does a 17 yr old divorced girl start over with her child? Do you expect her to go bac to Egypt with her child? What about her education? Hope you are prepared to marry his left overs.

You are an animal in human skin.

Nashville: You know I am always stalking you. And I always agree with you everytime!

Lol!

I yam is a ismalia

How are your folks?

Ihedinobi: I read the first scenario same as you and got a different picture than you did.

Considering the fact we think differently, I don't think you should be surprised we see things differently.

PocketEconomist: That woman was a neighbour. Too much american movies na im cause am. What i mean by competition is that she wants to be the boss, forcing every decision of hers on the house, doing certain sensitive things without her husband's knowledge, and the list go on. Some even be little their husbands in the open. All in the name of women power. Is it fair?

Are you saying husbands treating their wives like queens is an american thing that can't be emulated?

What do you mean by forcing every decision of hers? Specific examples please

What do you mean by competition?

And the wife in your story is nuts!

She exprcts the man to do chores when she is sitting all day at home?

What is her usefulness?

PocketEconomist: Yesterday, on facebook, some women were hammering on gender equality and things like that. I just shook my head. Why do some women find it pleasurable to compete with their husbands? That's so funny. There was this woman too who was complaining on why her husband doesn't cook or clean for her, this one na house wife wey dem bring from Mbaise o! So after he comes back from work, does she expect him to enter the kitchen to cook for her lazy ass? I guess she has been watching too much american movies. Let me say without apology that women who compete with men have no ambition, and suffer inferiority complex. A woman who knows her worth need not compete with anybody, her works speak for her. A man needs a helper not a competitor.

Birthday mate,

I can see you

I am actually Laughing out loud!

Most people only respond to force!

steph7: No oh! when its a fellow able bodied man like him, that's when he'll know how to pick his battles wisely and control his anger.
A woman I know used to get beaten by her husband regularly in the early days of their marriage in the presence of their 2 kids, up till the extent that she lost a six month old pregnancy.
Soon the wife decided to take care of her self and started taking self defense classes, I suspect she practised her newly acquired skills on him one day when he tried to hit her, because these days he has suddenly misplaced his violent side. She doesn't even beg or ask nicely when she wants something all she does is say what she wants, if hubby doesn't answer, his own don finish be that.
They have the most dysfunctional marriage I have ever seen, the man is now so timid in his own house, At times I start pitying him, then I remember he is getting a taste of his own medicine.

This post seems to suggest a different scenario from your first post on this topic.

You painted a church scene with you in charge of serving food to men on a queue

Softly with all women should learn from you because some would prefer short cut and want the man

It is well

chaircover: You don’t seem to get it. It was a serve yourself party. People came up to the chaffing dishes and served themselves. When I say serve I was standing there assisting anyone who wanted help and putting more food in the chaffing dishes. u

BTW my husband ate last. He got served after everyone had eaten and some people were coming with bowls for take away. I could have served my husband first, but I didn’t; I could have left my post and gone to serve him, but I didn’t. I made sure that everyone was OK before tending to my own husband.

As for people talking about it, the only discussion I expect to hear is that this woman does not play with her husband and a thank you for hard work.

I don’t have to respond and explain all this, but since you have turned it into a “this is why Nigeria is bad” discussion, then I am taking the time to explain the events to you. I was there so I know what it was all about.

Meanwhile the flip side of this meant that when everyone was at home by 2pm catching up on the Mandela Funeral events, I and 2 other women were battling with washing coolers in a sink (anyone who has tried that knows how hard it is) and sweeping up rice at 5pm . . . .free me abeg.

Ihedinobi: I fully agree. It's not a question of favoritism. This is simply a given wife's custom with her husband. It's understandable.

In my culture, it is assumed that at a function or anything that involves feasting with other people, the wife goes to get her husband's food. She decidies what he is served and how it is served.

Your cultural customs does not apply in a public gathering else Jonathan's customs might be to eat N1m food daily with our money

chaircover: Isn’t that taking it a bit too far about the country bit?

Everyone had a choice and I chose to serve my husband myself and on a china plate what is wrong with that? If someone had done same would I have refused to serve them?

This is not the first time I’ve said it. If I am there, my husband does not queue for food at parties. He can stand in a queue, but I won’t let him.

Also why should people have 2 different attitudes? One at home and one outside?

Jaybee ur not serious. . . . .

This is not a function of two different attitudes

A function is organized in Church and you are privileged to serve either by virtue of position or trust and you serve your hubby differently with what I believe to be made with public funds or contribution. Jonathan is elected as president and he puts all his family members in position of power

The party analogy is different; afteral if 10 people go as a group to a party, one or two people eap those closet to the host will coordinate food.

I bet you that not everyone would have been happy with the treatment but they will smile. Don't be surprised you hear side talks in passing.

Anyways, you can't try that in some churches. Your posittion as a Deacon is different from wife and should be different. I hope the serving is rotated so that not only your hubby gets to eat with china ware.

It is well

yellowpawpaw: Buky, a man has no excuse to cheat and I personally hate it but they do, or don't they?
The one million question now is what was my contribution in pushing him to the arms of another woman. We talk of an ideal marriage but we hv to face the reality on ground.
A woman who suddenly started cheating must hv been having a bedroom related problem with her hubby. So also a man.
Man's own is rather very serious cos they r easily attracted by what they c.

Yep CC said something about a lady having it up there and I agree with her.

The truth still remains that most women drive their hubby to another woman-s arms without knowing it.
Let's start by advicing and admonishing ourselves first.

That thing u said about cs is not quite true. I did cs and worked on my body.
Monitored what enters my mouth and got back to shape.
Have u seen most women eating and drinking soft drinks like water?
Haba!
Most of us r a huge turn off. How many of us can brisk walk for like 30 minutes in d neborhood?
The list is endless.
We r very lazy.
Work on ur womanliness after giving birth, another core reason for cheating.
A lot of them.

The CS stuff is based on what I see around.

I would agree that some women are turn offs the way they eat et al but it is the duty of the hubby to bring her back in line/shape.

I still say again that there is excuse for cheating. If the husband has complained to the wife without change, he can do something dramatic to show the woman he's serious.

A lot of women are lazy with their apperance; a lot of men are lazy in making it work. Most Nigerian couples are lazy anyways that's why they want to do it as their ancestors did it without rreinventing the wheel.

As for dressing, it seems it is a psycological thing. Married women are expected to behave and conduct themselves in a certain way. It is now that churches have started hammering on th dressing and looking part.

chaircover: LOL typical church banter started . . .they call him HRH anyway so everyone just laughed it off

HRH's dont eat with paper plates and stand in food queues

I think everyshould have been served equally and royal treatment at home.

That is exactly what made our cuntry what it is

yellowpawpaw: Good answer baby mama.
Thanks a lot.

Let's look at this cheating thing from a different perspective.
Now as a woman whose husband suddenly started cheating, where did u go wrong, most guys always lament their wives pushed them into it.
Nagging and domineering wife can make a man find solace in another woman's hand.
Another cause for cheating is letting go of ur once fine body and looking and dressing like iya ibeji that lives across the street. Giving birth is never an excuse to let go.
Look at our girls and young mothers. I, a woman feel disgusted seeing them like that, how about d spouse? A man will first look b4 he eats irrespective of who u r. U can't make ur bobbys to stand straight again but it pays to still use good supportive bra and support it not dangling it like one old mama in d village. That is an eye sore.
That u gave birth to 4 is not an excuse to hv tyres all over ur body, and ur stomach looks like a pregnant woman's own.
Common ladies, tighten up and always look smart.
Exercise and eat well.
Look and dress well. Who said u can't wear that bum short again?
All those sex*y lingeries e no more, now they r replaced with wrappers and over sized t-shirts and whatever.
(That reminds me, baby mama, I saw one picture of urs u posted one day and later deleted. Looking at that picture, who would hv tot u hv even giving birth)

If u r not guilty of all these and he still decides to floricate, he is an a*sshole and he should fu*ck off. Life continues w'out him. Still,
I can stay with him and be miserable. Its an individual choice.

.


YPP,

There is no excuse for a man to cheat else wife can cheat when hubby loses his six packs or becomes bald.

If the man is not content with the way wifey dresses or looks, what does he have a mouth for? Also remember we have different bodies and some people can never be slim/trim no matter what they do and some can never be fat. What stops the hubby from buying what he wants to see on his wife? I know some wives might not wear but that is another thing altogether.

If every woman has her way, she would be trim after childbirth though I see extreme cases. Everyone I know had CS end to have protuding tummies.

Remember that too much work and poverty also contributes. A woman who hawks her wares 10km under the hot sun daily might not make her looks her priority same as a woman who fetches water and next jumps into the kitchen to pound yam while thinking of how to do the laundry.

For posters saying the woman deserved the beating et al,I guess the man would also pounce on a fellow man that way.

We do not even know the cause of the arguement afteral they were both shouting on each other. I believe the woman should also do the same if she was the one driving.

If the woman had ran into the road and died, I am sure we will all blame the man for been a violent man.

Let us make up our minds and support beating et al if we want to. It is all this talking from both sides and insincere lip service that doesn't make some things work in our society.

If a man driving has the licence to park his car, drag his wife out and beat her up because she was assumed to run her mouth in public with the kids in view why can't he beat her at home?

It is well

If there is nothing wrong in a husband packing the car, dragging the wife out and beating her senseless in public glare because we assume she is foul mouthed, what is wrong in the husband beating his wife at home when she errs?

Private disgrace is better than public disgrace, not so?

It is well

@OP:

Matthew really gave a very good suggestion. Trust me, there is no freedom anywhere except you want to live a wayward life. I heard you mentioning service: take it as a year to reflect on what you want to be in life. Sleeping with random men or jumping from one party to another is not enjoyment.

As an example, do your parents know the friend's wedding you are going for? Have you mentioned her in passing to them? Do they know her parents? Do you behaave in a trust worthy way? Can your parents count on you to be where you say you are? I am sure you have been given little opportunities; How did you use them?

I don't like waka waka myself; staying indoors sometimes helps you to reflect

It is well

[quoteauthor=greatgod2012]This is another marriage we can also learn from. It's full of marital wisdom.


http://www.punchng.com/feature/octogenarian/i-cook-my-husbands-meals-every-day-80-year-old-retired-nurse/[/quote]Nice story

The guys on this thread carry the matter on head pass OP sef

waledud: Am I the only one? Doesn't any1 think that she sounds too desperate for her real interest to be the fashion. #Lesbo thinz

With the rate carpenters open fashion designing shops, she can't be more desperate.

@OP: You look great.

Considering the fact you are proud to showcase your work, it's supberb.

Weldone

[quote author=Sisi_Kill]Thank you for post!!!!!!!

I just want to add that it shouldn't be about "helping"...it's our house, the upkeep is our responsibility. If we all saw it that way there will be no room to rub anything into anyone's face. I mean would I pat myself on the back for paying my bills? Would one mock themselves for being the one who buys the grocery they eat? Of course not!!

Lovely thread by the way!!!! Great contribution from all


@PocketEconomist
I don't think it's right to mock your cousin just because he is not acting in the manner you think a man ought to be. He is happy, his wife is happy and his child is happy. If putting an apron on and shoving a biscuits and croissants in the oven is what makes his home a happy one...so be it.[/quote]Exactly my point to CC

That's why a woman will pay her child's school fees and expect the husband to prostrate for her or the hubby cleans his own house and expects an award framed in the sitting room

Not against appreciation anyways...

I teach kids around me to thank their parents for paying their school fees and I did same while in school

Afterall if our partner is not responsible, what can we do?

OBJ destroyed his son's marriage or the unfaithful wife did?

The parties in a union are solely responsible for keeping it dead or alive. Please leave OBJ out of this. If OBJ's wife was accusing him of ruining their marriage, I would support her.

Mojisola made the vow to Gbenga and not OBJ

PocketEconomist: Are we forgetting something? Prayer! Pray with your spouse every night before sleeping. That will make your bond stronger. Prayer is very important in marriage, as it is in all things. Think about this.

Extremely important but we have to play our part

God will not do some things for us

yellowpawpaw: Buky, I understand u perfectly well.
I'm just saying that there will not be maximum or 100% concentration if u r having kids at d early stage of ur marriage and career.
Example, I wanna do my pg, hv a toddler and home, hv my career yet, I just can't meet up. I hv to give up some things for now but will pursue them later on.
If for example u work in an office that usually send u out on various workshops and seminars far from ur base or even outside the country most times, u may decline simply bc of ur toddlers unlike a man. (Considering d fact that u don't hv maid) the motherly instinct will just not allow u to take those leeps. But u can comfortably do them if they hv reached a certain age.
I think that was what coogar was saying. I might be wrong sha.

As for the kpekus part, I taught u will qoute the bible for me.
Its an unexplored zone in this our part of he world. I will suggest that and c the reaction.

Bible abi?

Read 1 Cor 7:

I agree that one cannot juggle it all at once but we can have it all.

I want to do my masters(full time) and I can currently working. I could not possibly do the two at the same time.

Yea, we have to compromise and pass up some things to be with our family. My gripe is that wives should not always be the one to. The wifey going for a two day or even one week training will not kill the husband or cause irreparable damage.

Even if I have a maid, I wouldn't like to travel too far without hubby; there are some things a maid cannot do and I don't really buy into the maid business. (Let me see how it turns out after kids sha)

I actually advised someone who was newly wedded while serving not to go for her masters yet. She was pregnant and I felt she should bond with hussy. She could do it the next year or in two years time.

I don't even like a job that is too far from home or too demanding. E.g. I can never work in a bank

I don't just like that a wife is expected to give it all up and yet the men still want to be called the father of the kids

Congrats!

Wish you and your hubby to be many many years of a joyous marriage and not the Naija typical suffering and smiling

Nnekacherry: Hahahaha..
I don't want a house husband sis.
That's scary..

Ok, I thought you don't want a man that does chores.

Not all house husbands even do chores sef

yellowpawpaw: U know, there was one heated argument between Coogar and some pple about career women and being a mum somewhere, its true he is always on d other side of the fence but he was saying the truth. Those his posts were simply d truth but we just don't wanna admit it rather we give him the ideal situation instead of the real one on ground. Only few,very few can juggle d two succesfully.unless u don't wanna be an integral part of ur kids formative yrs and few mothers will accept that.

That guy always make sense u know.

I think one of the issues is that most husbands see the training of kids at the initial stage as the wife's sole responsibility.

If husband and wife decides to reduce their pursuit for a little while, it would be much better

I don't agree with his posts anyways. If we say the first 5yrs of a child's life is extremely important and the mother stays, what happens if they have 3 kids with 2yrs gap each? The woman stays at home for 9years? If he says the father comes home to relieve the wife and let her do her thing, when is the man coming back home? Is it men that find it difficult to help after work (not really their fault as some are genuinely tired), how will he be able to take over from the wife and let her do her thing? Won't the wife be running around catering for him too?

Abegi, let's leave matter for Mathais

chaircover: My thoughts on Money!!

Some people feel that the man should do everything/must do certain things. . I think NO NO NO! . . . There is nothing stopping you from doing it if you have the funds. You are a team and you are one and so it doesn’t matter if you tie the wrapper round the bum or the bum round the wrapper, so long as the bum isn’t exposed.

It doesn’t matter who pays for what. Don’t wait for the man to give you money for foodstuffs before you buy some. If you have a project that you are both working on and you have money and you have heard him talk about paying the painter or the electrician, then bring the money and just put it into his account. If you see him struggling with something, don’t wait until he comes to ask you or he starts talking and talking about it before you offer to do it. You are one. If the school fees are due and you know that he has his hands full with other things, then there is nothing stopping you from paying them. They are your children too.

A man respects and appreciates a woman he knows that has his back. He knows that he can rely on her. He rests easy knowing that his children are in safe hands. He knows that there is someone out there who is on his side no matter what. Under all this macho macho are men who too crave to have a soulmate and someone there for them no matter what.

. . . .And when you do help, please don’t rub it in his face, or automatically expect him to start washing the dishes and pounding yam if it isn’t something that he has been doing before. Be patient, he may show his appreciation in other ways.

If you see it as the woman helping the man, that means you think the man should do everything financially

Nnekacherry: Seconded..
You are correct..
It can't work for me.
I can't stay with such a man that is ok with doing house chores.
If it's just to help around the house, that's cool but daily.. No..
I may start feeling like I'm missing something.. Yea missing the man i married because he has turned into a sissy..
So different strokes for different folks..

You don't a husband that helps in chores or you don't like a househusband?