₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Efemena_xy]^^ Exactly.

And yes, you are right that it's not too late to start again but the question is: does she really want to? She's probably asked herself - of what use would that be? If she's not leaving to look for a man, then she's going to live one very lonely life out there on her own (esp. if she hasn't settled her differences with her family).

I think she's so used to being surrounded with / by people, even her obnoxious in-laws, she probably feels she can 'manage' the situation.

I may be wrong in my assumptions, but one thing I'm certain off, is that this woman has got serious self-esteem issues. Her confidence and belief in herself has been chipped away over the years by her husband.

Poor soul.[/quote]100% correct.

I really feel for her. it is mainly her kids that can talk sense into her head

if they tell her that her staying/keeping mum is not benefitting to them or their outlook to marriage, she will wake up

[quote author=Efemena_xy]Despite all that's been said and done, the fact is: It's not easy for any woman (don't know about the men folk) to turn her back on eighteen years of married life.

I know this sounds crazy but sometimes, it hard for us humans to adopt a change in lifestyle after being stuck in one for so long. As you get older, you get more laid back, more accepting of situations, less willing to start afresh - and it'll take superhuman effort to up sticks and leave.

Why for example, do inmates in prison, after having spent a very, very, long stretch in there - find it difficult to re-integrate and adjust to living in 'normal' society? Many would even tell you they prefer going back to prison because they're more used to the routine of life in there.

So applying the same analogy here, why would this woman deem fit now to leave? After giving the best years of her life to this man? I think in her hearts of hearts, she doesn't want to leave, but only wants a change of attitude from her husband towards her. She's educated and smart - if she wanted to leave (and I mean really wanted to), she would have done so long before now, especially with her husband living apart from her in a different state. Nothing stopped her from reconciling with her family, getting back into working for an employer when it was still feasible and sorting out the mess in her life.

She simply used her kids as an excuse for staying behind and now that they've almost flown the nest, that excuse isn't there for her to hide behind. I think what this woman really needs and wants, is to reconcile her differences with her husband and she knows in her heart deep down that she'll never leave him.

Now that's my opinion of this story.[/quote]Well, some men will never change except by a miracle.

It might be easy to leave but if that is what will give her life back, she has to find the strength and do.

She is quite lucky she married young; she is just 43yrs now, not late to start again.

Like you said, she might not even be willing to leave the dead marriage or start afresh in the first place

kingk: Thanks you bro..... Hope the family is doing great?

There is a big bright F in front of my name na...

We are fine, thanks

Enahi: . Sweets my advice is fight for what is yours. Forget abt d money and all what u did for him,give him a 2nd chance if truly you love him. Babe be smart and don't allow his ex to take him away from you. I want u to know that there is no perfect man out there,its just the grace of God. Just forgive him ok.

I don't do this but

KEEP YOUR DEMONIC ADVICE TO YOURSELF!!!!

It is fish-brained girls like you that will marry a cheat and start disturbing pastors, God and NL on solutions to problems you entered into with your two eyes opened!

Shankboye: So because of d text message u left? Not a gud idea my dear, trust me he will never leave u for his ex.. He was just playing around..

Amya,

Read this post very very well and....





Delete if from your mind forever.

Anyone who tells yous to give him a second chance or forgive him doesn't love you.

Anyone who advises you to 'fight' for your man is EVIL!


As Carefreewannabe, DailyNews and another poster said, the guy was bad news right from time.

Sit down, assess the situation and analyze why you were attracted to your two exs so that you don't fall into an abusive marriage tomorrow.

A guy must have his dreams and be on his way to achieve them before you help and vice versa.

God be with you

pickabeau1: I will not refer them to apostles as that name refers to divine stuff and not heretical acts like inserting an organ into barely developed pudenda

Damn... see justification of perversion and women to boot are the greatest advocates

This is why i laugh at die-hard feminists who dont understand the greastest crime against women occurs behind the crescent curtain

These women that are talking now... she will not even be able to use internet if she were in saudi
or even drive or vote...

interesting...

die-hard feminists or anti-feminists?

J3da: Until I see one, den wil I hv a poem for him, I Love my dad no doubt but, I Love my mum Most and nothing can change that!

Lol! you're funny!

There are good fathers.... just that they are kind of far in between

God will take them there if they are willing to learn!

Fathers want good songs, they have got to work for it.

Come to think if it, if they were effective in times past, several songs would have been composed for them now!

You wanna chop good songs, biko bend down low and work!

No food (song) for lazy (ineffective) man!

axion: No I read the OP. She had an upper hand cos she got the knife after the peace maker left. With that advantage she didnt have to kill him. If it got too intense and he attacked her anyway she could have wounded him. But again she's a child and can't think like us.

If i understand your reasoning correctly does this mean it's okay for a child to stab the househelp or an older classmate to death if that one was bullying, beating or torturing her and she felt her life is in danger?

What is wrong is wrong. It's all an unfortunate incidence but we can't be here saying someone deserved to die. Who are we to say such?

You did not read the Op...

She had the knife before the peacemaker came...

He begged her to drop it and she did and after which he pounced on her again!

She picked up the knife again because the man was beating her.

Biko, I cannot argue...

Sorry if I cannot feel sorry for the man! I repeat, he got served!

A normal abusive man would even pretend when the peace maker was there...

TO show the extent of his wickedness, she drops the knife and he pounces on her!

He got served!

tunshe: Islam is the solution to social problems.

Marry one wife but instead of committing adultery, marry another not exceeding 4.But there are conditions, which include spiritual, physical and economic competence.

A lot of married men and women commit Adultery everyday but openly condemn polygamy.

Polygamy is not Mandatory in Islam but a provision to keep us chaste and control the society.

I guess you have selective reading...

Did you read that the man has multiple wives?

How can marrying more than one wife keep you chaste?

DailyNews: @Titiluvly and Lorreta, pls don't doubt that statement becos most times, rich men get chased by women more than they chase women themselves.

Before my brother died, I can tell u that there were lovely single ladies coming close to me just to get across to him even though they were aware that he's legally married, and I still heard abt many others too. One got married early this year, and we are still friends.

Even most times, friends and colleagues plus their various business associates do arrange women for them to get their favours.

Honestly, more money equal more women for majority of men. And wealth equals to promiscuity and polygamy for men, even when he didn't make them legal.

But then, I think women need to be blamed at times for being so freak about money/material things such that even when they know that a rich man is married with kids, will still go ahead and sleep with him to get pregnant.

Whereas it is the opposite for a rich woman: the more money or wealth a woman acquires, the more men will run far from her, aside young gigolos, but the more money a man has, the more women of all ages and class will be running after him. Only God knows why shaa, its not easy for most rich men when it comes to handling women.

You mean those freaked women rape these 'happily married' men just to have their babies?

Or the men don't have common sense and control over their 'joysticks?'

Those women are really freaked and demonic!

greatgod2012: I dont like hidden unfaithfulness, if he really wanted to be faithful, he should have legally married all of them and they will all know themselves as his wives, not pretending to be faithful to his wwife that he was actually faithful when he wasn't.

I wonder how the wife at home will take the news now.
He is dead now, let DNA proof them all.

The 'wife' will not take it anyhow because they are many

Love is the most important thing in marriage...

However, love is NOT the muchy feeling we feel

1 Cor 13: 1-13 defines it perfectly!

axion: We should always try to separate issues in order to think clearly in a matter. Child marriage and manslaughter intersect here.

I am a strong advocate against child marriage but nothing justifies manslaughter except the perpetrator's life can be proven to have been on the line at the exact moment she killed the victim. This report doesn't sound like so, she was the attacker and with the upset hand of a weapon you can threaten the man to back off without killing him. But then she's just a child.

"Cure the disease and not the symptoms" sounds alright but how many people will one go about killing pre-emptively?

You sure DID NOT read the op

They were fighting as usual and she picked up a knife...

The usual separator came and begged the wife to drop the knife...

As soon as she did, sharp hubby pounced on her and beat her again...

After that, she killed him amidst the beatings...

axion: I can't believe there are people here justifying the manslaughter.

People should stop conflating stuff. Agreed the girl was most likely led into marriage against her own will, and I do not support adolescent marriage but that's an entirely separate issue.

Why do people blame parents when the kids do not turn out well? Afteral, the kids could have trained themselves....

Heard of cause and effect?

Cure the disease and not the symptoms...


I have a feeling that it was just a matter of time before the husband killed the wife if she did not kill him first

[quote author=fresh_dude]May Jah's blessing locate thy dwelling Sista BK. Howdy.[/quote]Lol!

I am good and you?

The OP ran away! He did not give us feedback.

ayili: but op when u 1st approached the girl wasn't it because of love? if it was what happened to the love? if it wasn't then u are wicked

Fondness might have made him approach the girl but do you know how he would have felt after she turned him down? Do you know how it feels for you to know that someone is sleeping with you because of your money?

She probably knew the boy had feelings for her that's why she played her game.

If it were me, I would rather hug my pillow every night than marry.

There is nothing like the peace that you feel when you know your spouse got your back

@DailyNews: I don't know why I can't quote you.

Your sister's story is different from the OP's....

She and her hubby worked together to achieve their dream.

The truth is that often times, most ladies do not know what they want to do with their lives. They are marriage as the zenith of their lives hence any thing with kokoro dangling between his two legs is good enough.

dayokanu: I think her case is almost hopeless

18yrs out of a job, i doubt anyone would want to employ her again

No money to start a business,

No family to run to or help you. 2 kids to care for

Your husband really has cornered you where he wanted

First rule to control and abuse a woman, Have her quit her job and depend on you. Who else would be easier to control if not one who comes to you for every penny

the only thing you can do is t lock yourself and your daughter in the room and cry to her and warn her sternly never to make the same mistake of depending on another human for finances

When there is a will, there is a way

If she has an jewelry of worth, now is the time to sell it. If she has good clothes, shoes, bags etc., out for sale.

If there is anything she's doing that is chopping money like hair, one club or the other, she should forget it.

She should assume she is at the war front and tie her gele firmly on her waist.

Collecting 18yrs of her life back is no joke and only the violent (in spirit) will make it.

God will see her through.

I wonder why every one thinks all women would have the desire, flair or skill to manage a supermarket.

I guess it must have been a course I missed in school or a talent I did get.

juman: ^^
Getting job in nigeria is not as easy as that. And she has a dominating husband.

Choose what is more important to her...

Her life (not existence) and a profitless marriage

Dantedasz: Dearie,
Understand my point very well-I abhor all forms of violence in marriage because it will only lead to more violence.
All these feminist pocket lawyers saying it was self defense will not help this confused 16 year old child mother when the Police get hold of her and throw her in Kirikiri-Has her violent act not begat more violence? What about her two kids who have lost their dad and are about to lose their mum to the sh1tstem?
No sex has monopoly of violence and no human has the right to deny another his/her right to life.

I agree very much at bolded.

However, if an armed robber pointed a gun at you and you are blessed to be able to kill him, you will!

If the girl killed the hubby because he was cheating or any or reason, I will not support her.

To show you how evil the man was, after she put down the knife the first time, he pounced on her and beat her again in front the neighbor

Biko, he got served!

Ok, I went through some of them and they are wack!

81?

It is well o!

darthv: [img]http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4870025960554806&pid=15.1[/img]AKURE— A 16-year-old mother of two, Ebere Ogu, has allegedly stabbed his 35-year-old husband, Patrick, to death in Akure, the OndoState capital, during a fight, and has fled with her children.

Detectives from the criminal Investigation Division of the state Police Command are presently looking for her.

As gathered that the crime was committed last Thursday at their number 70 Ijapo extension residence in Akure at 5a.m.

Chinedu, a native of ImoState was a staff of Owena River Basin Authority, Alagbaka in Akure.

A co-tenant, who gave his name as Kelechi, said: “Ebere and Patrick frequently engage in fights but on Thursday, October 17, at 5a.m., the couple began to fight.

“Most times they engage in such fights, I go there to settle it. But on this fateful morning, when I got into their room I saw Ebere holding a knife against her husband so I pleaded with her to drop the knife and pleaded with Patrick not to beat his wife.

“At the first attempt I succeeded in separating them. So Ebere dropped the knife. But as soon as Patrick saw that his wife had dropped the knife, he seized the opportunity to pounce on her and gave her another beating.

How he died

“I told Patrick to stop, but I noticed that when he tried to move away he slumped and that was when I screamed for help and called other members of the house.

“When we entered the apartment we realised that Patrick was already on the floor. So people began to urge Ebere to lift her husband up. She eventually did and we saw that the father of two was already bleeding.

“We were all shocked and most of the people took to their heels. Ebere escaped with her two kids to an unknown destination.”

Police image-maker, Wole Ogodo, confirmed the ugly incident.

Ogodo said: “One Mr. Tuyi, who is the landlord of the house the couple lived in, reported the incident to the Police Station on Thursday 17, at 6.45a.m.

Ogodo said that policemen are searching for the suspected killer, while the corpse of the deceased had been deposited at the Akure State Specialist Hospital morgue for autopsy.
http://www.favistar.com/16-yr-old-mother-2-stabs-husband-death/

I hope Dantedasz noted the bolded.

If he is comparing nagging to constant beating amongst others,

in yuzedo's voice, 'I give up!'

naptu2: A good example of a change in custom and tradition is a case that happened in 1927 in Ekpoma (a part of Ishan) in present day Edo State. There was a custom that if a cow had two calves at the same time, BOTH THE COW AND THE CALVES AUTOMATICALLY BECAME THE PROPERTY OF THE ONOJIE (king) OF THE LAND (no matter who the owner was, or how far the village was from Eguare, the capital of Ishan). Custom added that the Onojie himself had to give the owner of this wonderful cow A PREGNANT WOMAN AND A CASTRATED HE GOAT as a reward for his "good hand". In those days the Onojie had several female slaves and so there were no difficulties in his fulfilling his own part of the custom.


However, in 1927, Ędętalęn of Uwenlenafua, Ekpoma had a cow that gave birth to twin calves. An informant went to tell Akhimien, the Onojie of Ekpoma, of this rare happening. The Onojie at once sent instructions that Ędętalęn should send him the cow with the two calves according to custom. Ędętalęn would do no such thing.

After repeated warnings and threats, the Onojie reported this gross act of challenge to the Enijie Council holden at Ubiaja. The Enijie were furious, so much so that they shifted their meeting right to Ekpoma, a few hundred yards from the insubordinate subject that went by the name Ędętalęn, who they were prepared to deal with in such a way that no one else throughout the length and breadth of Ishan would attempt to undermine their authority again.

Recalcitrant Ędętalęn was summoned to Eguare and in one voice packed with authority, he was first welcomed with a fine of five solid pounds “FOR CALLING THE ONOJIE’S COWS HIS” and told to go home and fetch the cow and two calves, lawful property of Akhimien, Onojie of Ekpoma! Ędętalęn, who was no fool, knew his own side of Ishan Native Laws and Custom and on his knees before the Enijie, he said he was quite prepared to bring the cows to the Onojie, according to the ruling of custom, on the condition that he, the Onojie, gave him a pregnant woman and a castrated he-goat. Obligingly he added that since he and the Onojie were cousins, he was quite willing to forego the castrated he-goat, BUT THE PREGNANT WOMAN, HE MUST HAVE!


All eyes turned to Akhimien who had no castrated he-goat in his possession. More important still was the fact that the only women Akhimien had authority upon were his wives; at that particular time none of them were pregnant and even if they were, he could not exchange his wife and child unborn for cows! (Ędętalęn also knew that the white man was near to protect him and his lawful property).

There was hot air in the Council Chamber! The Enijie went into hasty consultation and came out with a novelty in Ishan laws and custom: they knew that if they allowed this man to get away with the challenge against a custom affecting an Onojie, soon they too would come face to face with greater challenges; Chief Akhimien was asked to give the man £10 in exchange for the cows!

Ędętalęn respectfully stuck to the letter of Ishan laws and custom: it was a pregnant woman with a castrated he-goat or he kept his cows. Ędętalęn won! In this way the custom was changed.



Another example of change in customs and traditions is the case of traditional rulers such as Emirs, Obis and Obas, who are the custodians of the culture, traditions and customs of the people, but who now move about by riding in luxury limousines, rather than on horses, donkeys, camels or being carried by slaves and servants.

Lol!

What an interesting story!

Bombaybombay: Lol cos its not awesome. Irony of life

We have only one life to live...

@ the end, you will not regret the room you did not clean or bathroom you do not wash.

Ensure that in all you do, find your purpose in life and fulfill it.

Do something for people around you and take care of your self first.

Jesus said... Love your neighbor as YOURSELF! not more than yourself!

You need your me time to replenish and nourish yourself!

it's well with you

naptu2: This is one massive problem that colonialism has caused.

Culture is dynamic. It is not static. It changes as new knowledge is gained, new situations emerge, etc.

Some people believe that our culture should be stuck at the point that the colonialists met it and that it should not change and adapt. This is not a realistic expectation.

In pre-colonial times our cultures changed as we adapted to changing circumstances. The colonialists interrupted this natural progression/evolution. Some people now believe that any attempt to change and adapt culture is basically an attempt to adopt "foreign cultures". This is not true. Any culture that does not adapt to changing circumstances will be swallowed by more dynamic cultures.

Beautiful!

I though culture evolves according to the people?

During the times of our fathers, was cake or minerals used?

What really is the clinging to non-essentials about?

I guess it's really people abroad that concerns themselves with such issues.

Marry in Italy or Jamaica, it doesn't change the fact that you are a Nigerian from Fiditi village.

We are so hypocritical about this culture jargons that is the new rave on NL.

I hope the Op walks barefoot, uses chewing stick to brush and doesn't watch TV. He should also remember that browsing is NOt part of our culture too afteral, our fore fathers did not.

Our ancestors sat down and formulated the life that will be convenient for them with the limited resources they had and 100 of years later, we are still clinging to some things.

I hope we also know that our culture dictates Kings are buried with heads of community members amongst others...

Let me see us sticking to that

Bombaybombay: Not complaining, just thinking aloud.
Sat down this afternoon after a long day of working domestically and career wise, its 9pm now, though really tired but still on duty cos i dare not close my eyes until my baby does, hubby is out hanging out with his friends as usual.. (How lucky he is) no baby worries.
Women,sometimes i dont know if its okay to be grumpy, sad, tired and kinda aggressive at hubby, cos sometimes am unconcious about it, and i just find myself doing it, cos its either d baby is crying for attention or food or i have to change diapers, or shez sick and i have to force her to use her drugs cos she hates drugs and manytimes spills it all over or vomits it, hubby's food must be ready, d house must be clean all the time so d baby wont pick up dirts into her mouth, To mention but a few. Sometimes i wish hubby would just say sleep let me change her diaper for you or let me have her bath for you, or let me mk her food for you or let me stay awake all night 2nite to feed her.LOL(in my dreams i guess).
Note that am happy being a woman cos its awesome, but sometimes am just REALLY stressed and i cry to make myself happy Women, do u sometimes av questions like these running tru ur mind. If i can just go on vac for just one day. I know. A wise woman dares not think that way. But i think its allowed to be tot, its when its executed there is a problem.
I was running a class this afternon and hubby helps me baby seat at this times, i heard my baby cry and i went into the room and found hubby sleeping, smh and lol, while the baby needed attention, i had to back her tru d remaining session of my class eventhough inconvinient, just thinking can a WOman dare sleep while ur baby is awake. And these days to take a maid u need God's direction so u wont get a maid that will put u in trouble, or has a bad spirit, or a maid that will treat your baby bad wen u r not around. if u know wat i mean.
Sometimes i get so bored dat i dont wanna watch tv, or read my bible, but i probably wanna just gist with hubby, but u dare not stop them when its time to hang out with the men and Woman cant go with him, cos its a smoking environ and the baby is still too young to go to such environs.
Even if mother in law comes would she stay with me forever. Sighs.
Being a woman is Awesssome!!!
Guess this is a Woman world. God bless us Women, and give us strength to fordge ahead nd love nd live with what we cannot change. Amen.

Dear OP,

@bolded: You are yet to highlight the reasons for the awesomeness...