₦airaland Forum

HBD Daddy'sgurl and Nwababy...

God be with you now and forever

DailyNews: Speechless! Honestly, I don't even know what to say to you cos to me, its already too late and u need to exercise patience and train your kids. I know my advice may not be the best, but 18years To me its already too late.

But then, I would love to use this medium to reach out to young people (male and female) who are still single and may read this.

Marriage takes more than love to work!
Marriage takes more than just money to work!


You made the first mistake of agreeing to marry a man who do not share similar belief with you!

I am not a religious bigot, but it is safer to marry someone who believes in what u believe in and shares same faith and belief with u.

See, I have a quote I formed myself after observing things in this life and goes like this: “men are shaped by their beliefs, and most of these beliefs are either spiritual or religious!”

The second mistake is resigning your job without first making sure he has established the business (super market like u said) for u. And then, what happened to the money u saved from ur past salaries before u resigned U squandered them on him in the name of LOVE too

It is not a bad idea for a man to suggest to his wife to resign a task demanding and time-consuming job in order to focus more on their kids, but he and the woman ought to sit down intelligently and harmoniously to craft a backup or alternative job or business for the woman before she quits her job. Quitting the job should come after the business has been set up or while its being set up, and not the other way.

Lastly, our parents most times act as God's agents and voices, but most times, we don't listen to them, maybe because we sometimes believe that we know too much, and are too exposed, educated and civilized than them, and hence, hardly take their honest counsels when it comes to romance and marriage, too bad.

Whenever your parents or elderly strangers are objecting your marriage to someone, especially when they don't have any personal issue with the person, pls consider their counsel and look closely into their reasons for objecting the union, rather than waving it aside in the name of: I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM or HER!

What a sad story indeed! Wish I had better advice or solution to offer. May God show u the way and send forth a solution your way soonest.

Have you heard 'better late than never?'

No time is too late to start afresh if need be.

25 + 18 = 43

If she's to live till 75 on the average, she has about 32more years to live.

@OP:

You are doing your children a disservice staying in your 'marriage'. They are old enough to stand on their own. It's time for you to get you life back. See the last 18years as a mistake save the two kids, it is time to forge ahead. Don't let your past ruin your future.

Get a job or source of income first and reconcile with your parents.

ummsulaym: The comments so far make me wonder if the 'Jesus Christ' muslims believed is the one christians take their name after to mean 'christ-like'/'followers of christ' because the christ that was describe according to the bible was the one who didnt even condemn an adulterous woman to death*not to talk of condemning one striving in the part of GOD*... Christians comments so far are 'bitter' and that make me believe my friend who said 'christians' are no more*very true*... Criticism is welcomed if the post calls for that but NO, the post didnt call for it...
We fight *oh yes, we do* for a just cause but I don't know what's just about your criticism so far cuz the OP didnt insult anyone in his post*did he?*
I'm unfollowing this thread cuz the more the comments, the more I believe christians are really incarnates of 'LUCIFER' who swore to make men associate something/someone with GOD in worship and to make the path to hell ATTRACTIVE...
Let the managers keep denying muslims of their right*that's all they can do*... But ISLAM has come to stay... No man can change that...

To my muslim siblings, just know that even the Prophets of God (P.B.U.T) were rejected and threated badly by the people*lost souls* yet, they never gave up but served the ONE GOD and called to HIS service...
May I also remind you dear muslim brothers and sisters that Prophet(S.A.W) said ''Islam will return to being strange again just as it was when it was new''*GLAD TIDINGS TO THE STRANGERS*...
If getting a job to satisfy the flesh was better than services to GOD, Jesus would have succumb to satan*according to the bible* but NAY! He said ''man shall not leave by bread alone but by EVERYWORD that proceed from the mouth of GOD''...

***what will be will be but my deen AL-ISLAM will In Shaa Allah never be compromised***

Please stop making Muslims look like victims and I do not understand if every non-muslim is a Christian.

I also do not know the correlation between lucifer and Christians.

No, Muslims and Christians do not believe in the same Jesus.

Except you have a different story than the OP, I do not see where his manager has discriminated against him. His peers treat him different as they would treat any one different from them. Discriminating or denying him his rights would mean stopping him from reading his Quran or observing his prayers. He even stops a beard so he is quite free to be who he wants yo be.

Once again, stop thinking that everyone is witch-hunting Muslims. A woman without hijab in Saudi would also be gossiped about, punished and humiliated.

ummsulaym: keep laughing but if shaving his beard is what he needs do to get started, Pete edochie will have no strand of beard else he will be no star... Have you ever asked yourself why all the prophets *Jesus included* keep beard? I can see a critic manager in the making. I don't want to derail this thread longer than it's been derailed but learn to speak good or keep mute... Just an advice!

So the beard is what makes them excel?

FYI, Jesus wore gowns too and his hair was long

Oya let's go there!

Congrats

God be with your daughter and family.

Good to hear all issues have been resolved

Royal Roy,

Good one.

Baba Oyo,

Spread the love round

Nuvally: Your head is there. That's just it. You guys shouldn't direct it to ur religion. Its normal. Tanx Dude #bless

Thanks

It's babe not dude

Jarus: I also used to think playing football and fasting cannot go together. I play football every Saturday, Sunday, public holidays and other days I'm not going to office (including this morning) and I do so even while fasting. I even played match while fasting this last Ramadan (some Nairalanders that attended the last Ramadan iftaar in my house witnessed this last August ).

I know I'm just an amateur, but it should be even easier for professionals whose system would have adjusted to the demand. I remember fasting Egyptian national team beating non-fasting Nigerian team in a match years back. I also remember Ahmed Musa's fantastic performance in WYC Canada 2011 while fasting.

It might be out of concern and not discrimination.

I remember years back, a Muslim was carrying something during Ramadan and everyone was shouting 'he is fasting', 'he might not be strong', 'don't stress him etc.'

I would not feel comfortable if someone who I know is fasting is doing something strenuous.

ummsulaym: Hmmmm! Even in other fields, we have alot of muslims complaining of similar problem... I really don't know how being a practicing muslim affects productivity and/or efficiency at work if not positively... If they do not complain about this, they will complain about that...
Imagine my lecturer asking If i want my future career jeorpadized *simply because of a veil*. I told him everyone dresses to work and this is my own dress code though a different style. He smiled and told me that 2 or less out of hundred organizations will hire me dressed like that.
Can you imagine that! It's not as if he wished me bad but that shows how much he knows of 'Western criticism and hyprocrisy'...
Our life and death are for Allah... May HE see everyone through and do the best for us and for dear brother Nathan Ellington in all endeavours.
***Wa'aleikumus-salam @OP*****

Some organizations will not employ people who not fit into a certain lifestyle...

It is NOT a Muslim thing.

Muslims are NOT the victims of discrimination, unique people are

maclatunji: Salam alaykum and hello to our Non-Muslim readers. A lot of the content on Nairaland from the Islam section thus far has not been related to the current experiences of Muslims in terms of personal opinions and lifestyles. I intend to change that by posting more opinion pieces and Muslim lifestyle content. I present to you Nathan Ellington speaking to the Daily Mail as part of this new initiative...

https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/09/16/article-2420278-1B1B36A3000005DC-224_196x181.jpg

NATHAN ELLINGTON: People in football are not aware of what Muslims need to do... one manager dropped me because I was fasting even though I was not struggling

Nathan Ellington is a footballer who converted to Islam in 2005 and in his debut Footballers' Football Column he explains the challenges he has had to overcome in the game. The former Wigan, West Brom, Derby, Watford and Crewe striker explains how one manager dropped him while he was fasting during Ramadan and says there is no reason why he cannot fulfill both his football and religious commitments side by side. You can watch his video here...


Whether it's good or bad, people can speak to us, we can explain what's going on. It might be the case that a player needs something at a club, but he might feel more comfortable speaking to us then we can speak to the PFA and help them.

As a Muslim football player I encountered some problems in the past. I had one agent of mine being in the presence of a manager and when my name was brought up he'd be talking negatively about me because I'm a Muslim. I hadn't even changed that much at the time. He felt the need to say something about me. I wasn't even fasting or praying at that point.

A friend of mine called me saying players have been talking about me saying I'm praying in the corner somewhere and joking about it. It was supposed to be banter, I think. This gets around. I started getting a bad name just because I'm Muslim.

Then there was the time a manager dropped me because I was fasting. I'd started Ramadan, the month each year where Muslims around the world don't eat or drink in the hours from dawn 'til sunset, and halfway through the manager didn't realise I was doing it until someone on the training ground mentioned it.

The manager then told me he was dropping me from contention. I thought it was a joke. Then we had a more serious conversation and he said it was playing on his mind that I wasn't eating or drinking. I said I was playing before without him noticing.

I pointed out there were no signs I was struggling in any way and he should only worry if I'm not doing well, like Demba Ba has said in the past. He still dropped me to the bench, and sometimes I was not in the Squad at all.

There were times when managers, coaches and players didn't pay so much attention to what they were eating or drinking and they still played well. The fact I was doing something slightly different than they know, well it now became a problem.

I know it affects some people more than others, but If I feel that I can cope I don't see why it's a problem. I trained fine for Crewe during this Ramadan. I might get a dry mouth during running sessions. But I can still do them. I might feel more tired after training and have a nap. Your body gets used to it. But what can you do? If someone's made their mind up, you've just got to stay strong.

Younger players generally won't say anything. It's hard enough to make it as a footballer but it gets harder if they start bringing in their religion. I see young players who don't want to do certain things because it's different and they're scared to ask to pray on a Friday or ask for halal meat in the canteen or at digs where they may be staying with a family. They're compromising their religion, it shouldn't be like that.

But it's getting easier. That's why the Association of Muslim Footballers, which I played a part in setting up in 2011, is there. I was one of the first people in football to openly put myself out there as a practicing Muslim. I got judged and had to get through it.

It's like the black guys back in the day who were the first to get stick before it became easy for the rest of us. A lot of bad stuff happened, a lot behind the scenes. It was very unjustified. I try to make sure there's awareness, this is what we're about. Muslims aren't different, we're very professional.

I got a call recently to speak to a young player in a youth team because the coaches said he was a Muslim and needed help juggling training and religion. They were saying he's more interested in religion than football. I thought, hang on a minute.

When I asked the player how he was getting on I didn't get any signs that he was putting football behind anything. He was doing his best at football but he was just trying to do what he has to do within in the boundaries of his religion. It doesn't compromise his football. Why can't you do both? That sort of thing needs to change.

People need to realise you can pray five times a day and it's not a problem, it shouldn't matter to anybody else. I reverted to Islam a little while before I married my wife in 2005. It took about two years before I started praying. It wasn't straight away.

I fasted maybe for a couple of days at the beginning then more and more. At the beginning I didn't think I had to do everything. I looked at Islam in a relaxed fashion, the same way as I did Christianity. I'd been brought up as a Christian and just felt as long as you believe and you're a good person you'll be OK.

Then as I learned more and more about Islam, I realised that everything is recorded and you will be judged according to God's rules and not what I pick and choose. I built it up gradually. I didn't change completely straight away, it would have been too overwhelming to do that. It became a learning and implementing experience.

The more you learn the more you understand. You slowly change according to your knowledge. You improve yourself when you're ready. Everybody is on their own journey and they go at a pace that they feel comfortable with.

When I learned more, I began to pray more, I became excited and wanted to share my experiences with everyone. I found that a challenge because not many people are interested in religion, even more so within football culture. I found there was a time when to speak and when not to. Other people have to ask you about it.

There's no point you instigating it. In the early stages I was listening, watching and reading and really wanted to tell the world.

Part of your job as a Muslim is to make others aware of the religion. It's not just something for me, it was something for everybody. But when it came to relaying things it was difficult to remember everything. That was another challenge.

Now I get a lot of people asking me about it. When I'm not around, people want to know what I'm doing. That was a transitional part for me. If people want to understand what I'm doing I'm happy to tell them.

It was a challenge at the beginning to get used to the way of life of praying on a regular basis. I was worried about how I was seen around the clubs and with the managers.

They would say I'm too interested in religion. It's silly. On the bus I might be reading the Koran or trying to learn Arabic. Others would be betting or playing cards. That was seen as normal but mine was seen as if I wasn't interested in football anymore. Generally gambling is seen as bad in society but here it was seen as better than what I was doing. I got seen as someone not interested in football anymore. It's very frustrating.

Even now you'll hear the odd comment. Just because I practice Ramadan some people have that thought. I'm training exactly the same. The only difference is I'm practicing my faith.

Whether it's good or bad, people can speak to us, we can explain what's going on. It might be the case that a player needs something at a club, but he might feel more comfortable speaking to us then we can speak to the PFA and help them.

A player might be coming over from a different country and feel isolated. Their family might find it difficult. The culture is very different here. They can't go to nightclubs and do things like that. They need to find like-minded people and feel at home. If that's covered and they're happy, it helps.

At Christmas, clubs might have a party or go to a certain place. Muslims can't go to these places, if there is alcohol there for example. If the club understands they won't insist they come or fine them if they don't, or they might change the venue or what they do.

The player won't worry they're going to be fined for not going. That kind of thing makes the workplace better and more cohesive, mixing all religions and cultures.

In the future clubs might work with us. They could come to us wanting advice. It might be research for a player in another country they might think what will he need and they can put that to him when they offer him a contract. They might find the nearest mosque for him or cater for any needs he has.

A lot of players, managers and coaches don't know what practicing Muslim football players have to do. If they do, it makes it easier to get more success from players and teams. The more awareness the better.

Source: Daily Mail

@bolded:

No everyone who calls 'Lord' are His...

Everyone gets the same treatment when they are perceived to be different/unique.

A girl who doesn't make up/wear trousers is 'mocked' amongst those who do; A man who decides to be a virgin till marriage is seen as gay/learner/impotent (NL is a perfect reference); A student who is studious is termed 'ITK', 'Efiko'; A person who cannot be compromised is 'wicked', 'strict' etc.

It is not a muslim exclusive treat.

Everyone should learn to stand up for what they believe in AND ensure they DO NOT expect everyone to conform to their views.

You don't drink alcohol or wear an indecent dress, don't go to a club and start whinning. Stay in your lane. You can't do what others are doing? Give your advice and move on.

Everyone should embrace the concept of 'Live and let's live'

[quote author=real-teflon]Some Nigerian women says I can't date or marry a man who doesn't av a job. You then marry a man who has a job then he loose his job 3,4,5,6,7yrs into ur marriage? Will you now end d marriage? Since you earlier said you cant marry a man who was jobless or unemployed? Will ur affection for him stops? Nigeria women please check ur values in marriage b4 going into it. Its not about my time is going I want to or must marry. Its about understanding marriage values..[/quote]How would a jobless couple sustain their home financially?

There is a difference between 'I cannot marry a jobless man' and 'I cannot marry an average or relatively poor man'

As a matter of fact, no reasonable church would marry a jobless couple neither would parents in the right frame of mind consent to such

[quote author=fresh_dude]Abuse is just one of the millions of causes that could precipitate a divorce what with no-fault divorces.
The home need not be unhappy before a divorce, the couple could be 'tired' of each other, either spouse could ha ve found someone else to love, etc etc. So, really, the home could be the epitome of happiness till the divorce.
And then a couple could each other's guts and the kids could be ha ving the time of their lives.[/quote]I know that's why I included that exception.

It is well

I am very sure kids would prefer their parents divorced than slitting each other's throats daily

fabulousdame: i'm not saying she should depend on her husband financially, i'm stating d fact dat it's a problem for most ladies and it makes dem feel in control.. it wasnt cool dat he changed or wanted to change d tv station buh wat she did was not d right approach..unpluging d cord en taking it to her room? dat was rude... she should ve handled it in a better way... marriage is not bondage so if d guy needs time to hangout wit his friends, he should do it except if he has other motives... this kinda tins suffocate people in marriages.. i mean even wen i'm married i'd love to ve ladies night out wit my friends en my hubby needs to understand dat(well dats about trust) d op might not ve used d word control right buh u should understand wat he meant(he is not trying to boss her around)
so please i know exactly wat i'm saying en if u ve a diff view, dats totally ur concern en ur own way of tinking...

As you like it

fabulousdame: dis is exactly the kinda tin dat happens in d homes of most women who re financially independent..i thought that was wat most guys wanted....

@op u re d man of d house en u married her not d other way round so take control..if she likes let her earn millions u re still her husband..well maybe u should ve a heart to heart talk with her... who knows? she might change her attitude.

Are you listening to yourself at all?

So if your husband changes the TV station, comes home by 4:00am and tries to control you, it is ok when you are financially dependent on him?

ikuoma4rea: My wife just developed an attitude that is quite disturbing.just because l get her involved in any project in the house by contributing her own share because she works so that we can get something better for the family. Anytime time l control her she says stuffs like after all my money was involved. but her income is more than mine but l ensure that the rent and running of the house is been handled by me except for the cooking that sometimes l just give her what l have to add to what she has. l could not watch a program just because she was watching a program and when l insisted she disconnected the television set and left with the cord to her room after all l joined my own money in purchasing the television set. she is always against me going to club and hanging out with friends,did that last nite and when l got home she refused to open the door and l had to put a call to the mum before she opened the door at 4am. she is working and earns more than l do but can't l have peace in my own house without her throwing tantrums on me even without been worried about our neighbors.what do l do to have my freedom and respect back because l don't get any respect from her anymore.little things she tells the mum and she calls to start advising me which l find uncomfortable .confused right now.we have 2 kids now.need good advice.

Thank God you asked for 'good advice' because that is what I will give you

@ bolded 1: Why do you want to control your wife?

@ bolded 2: Your wife was watching a TV program and you wanted to change it? How will you feel if your wife decided to change the TV program you were watching?

@bolded 3: You expect your wife to hug you when you come in by 4:00am? What responsible married man comes home to his family by 4:00am? How would you feel if your wife strolls home by 12:00am from a friend's party or the club? How happy will you feel if your wife always wants to go to club and hang out with the boys?

Oga, you need to change and learn what it means to love your wife.

From your posts, you are really the cause of the problems in your home. Put yourself in your wife's shoes and think of how you will feel if she treats you the way you treat her. Learn to compromise as the home belongs to both of you. If she cannot watch the program she likes in her home, where would she watch it? In the club?

You also need to learn how to be responsible. Responsible people do not nightcrawl either single or married! When do you play with your family? When you are rushing to work in the mornings or when you are trying to sleep?

Oga, you are called to lead your home and not rule. A leader leads by example. Whatever you want your wife to do for you, start by doing it to her first.

I am very sure that you will like your wife to come home by 2:00am or change the TV or not care about your feelings.

Change and see the difference in your home.

it is well with your home.

I know we hear that divorce affects the kids but I sometimes don't get it.

The home has been very unhappy for a while and everyone goes their separate ways, shouldn't the kids be happy esp. when there was an abusive partner?

I get that some divorce cases are just about two adults with too much time on their hands and too little to do.

@Op,

It depends on the circumstances.

I pray your mum gets well soonest.

Lol @ turn of thread!

Marriage of these days fear me!

The woman is now an entity after marriage. If she has money, she will not be submissive etc. etc.

I have to ask: Do women around you have dreams?

Do they desire to achieve anything in life?

[quote author=*Kails*]It has broken up so many homes and ruined so many black relationships, it's not even funny!

Our men have become emasculated not just by EXTREME feminism's key weapon the GUILT TRIP....

(btw chima i do not consider you a fem-nazi i know you stand for womens' rights and i am down for that)

...but also that we have a culture or system in america that teaches our young girls that the help of a man
is not necessary. How so?

Well, for starters in America when a woman is being financially taken care of by her man, and she does house work..she is looked at as weak and dominated. Her own womankind would put her down and act as if her living the "old fashioned way" is the equivalent to being a slave. Because of that culture of women not wanting to allow men to be men (acting as the provider, protector...the MAN) the average American mother has to juggle more than one job to make ends meet and if she does have a decent paying job the affects are still the same...less time with the kids to bond. Kids with no bonding from either parent are vulnerable to a lot of hardships in life: relationships wise, respecting the law, and emotionally speaking.

And our gov't is in on it as well. Look at the welfare systems! Are you aware that with certain benefits you HAVE
to be a single mother in order to feed your family? If " you are granted money, section 8 housing; etc etc should "they" find out a man is helping out, even if he is making minimum wage they will cut you off completely. Now what is a mother to do with children and no father in the home? And then we wonder why our kids are out of control. Period point blank there needs to be an equal balance between a man and a woman.

And what does that mean for the men? It renders them to be quite useless, am I right?

Another problem EXTREME feminism causes is the "uppity negress syndrome"....
It's okay to promote the "independent woman" thing...but we cannot get too carried away with that.
Because if you have a good job, nice car, and you can afford to have a roof on your head but have you nose so high you can't see anything in front of you you shouldn't wonder why you are part of the 72 percent of single women also why you can't keep a man to save your life. Such sisters are the reason a lot of brothers have jumped ship.
When they say they want "foreign women", uppidity negresses will cry foul...not realizing it's their attitudes and constant belittling of their brothers that is forcing them into the arms of other races of women. [/quote]Do you mean that a man has to financially provide for you before he's a 'man?'

Once a man can't provide for one reason or the other, 'he is no longer a man?'

For observation, I doubt many men like the 'traditional' way of things but then each one to his own.

I will agree rudeness and pride is a turn off in any gender. It's not a woman's thing

Happy Birthday Sholay2011 and all celebrants in the house...

It is well with you

I wonder who costumes these dancers.

Common sense should tell them flared skirts would be better for 'giving Iyanya her waist' than tights. Free clothes add to the shaking and requires less effort.

She must have looked disgusting in that outfit dancing.

There is a difference between sexy, trashy and disgusting.

She crossed the trashy border.

Kudos to the DG, next time, Iyanya should be banned from performing.

Gone are the days when musicians sang songs that inspired the soul. Their ability to talk about love and others without been vulgar was refreshing

De Beauvoir: Big lie.

Actually,

He is correct.

It is either all the women in his family is miraculously agmonst the decent 20% or they are all financially handicapped and liabilities.

Since the first is hard to determine, I will go with the second

kingk: You talk of honesty when you're ignorant of what you're saying...

"jesus in heaven had no mother - true . thus bastard
jesus on earth had no biological father - true. thus bastard
bastard in heaven, bastard on earth".........
Adam on earth, what do you call him? Dear logic mind, this things are beyond you ok
You can't or have not really comprehend the mysteries of the bible.

Hi kingk,

You joined the party late.

You are welcome

De Beauvoir: Thank you so much

You are welcome

chiketee: Most guys won't like this because that's all the leverage they have on women. They are worried that once a wife gains financial independence that would be the end of their tyrannical rule. I've heard of husbands starving their wives of money for food when they "misbehave". We want full dictatorship. We don't want a woman's opinion to matter whether logical or not. The thing is women are evolving, there are becoming powerful decision makers and can stand on their own quite well, so it's left for us to exploit another way of gaining their respect. Luckily for we Nigerians, the females here are not evolving that fast, they still think all they can offer is Puccy and brazillian hair, so we've got nothing to worry about for now

...men need to exploit other ways to gain the respect of women.

You sure are a man with a good head on your shoulders.

Keep it up

I guess the OP has not left his village to know that intertribal marriage is wide spread. From my observation, ibo men marrying yoruba women is actually more widespread than vice versa.

In a sample of about 12 married ladies on my floor, 5 yorubas are married to ibo men.

OP: leave your room alone and view the outside world

bebe2: i totally agree wit the post,
those are the advantages wat about the disadvantages??


financially independent women can be sturbborn to their husbands.

they can have the '' wat do i need a man for?? '' syndrome

pls add more if u want, i no fit worry myself

I will take this as a joke

@OP: nice thread

chikk: HBD to all those celebrating today.

Count down to mine: 16/10/13

onegig: lol.. Less than one hour thirty minutes. Care to close your eyes for a minute and make a wish?

Happy birthday Chikki and Onegig.

It is well with you and family. LLNP

@Shollay, thought you were 16th?

Bibol: Happy birthday Bukatyne

Thanks dear, God bless you

Nashville: Thank you my dear. You will become a billionaire by this time next year IJN!

Have a very happy birthday!

Thanks brother

This one you de see vision of billions so... I claim am by fire o!

Baybe: Happy birthday Bukatyne and Nashville. Wishing you guys LLNP.

Thanks a lot.

God bless you!

naturalwaves: Happy birthday dear. You speak so much sense. You need to help us educate those females. There is no need to fight for equity. A courteuos, humble and respectful lady will always be cherised and adored by[b] a man[/b]. Once again, happy birthday dear.

Thank you very much

You are right: there is no need to fight for equality because we are both equal.

A courteous, humble and respectful man will always be adorrred and cherished by his wife.

At bolded, a woman doesn't need every man"s cherishing and adorement. Her man's own will do