₦airaland Forum

Lightening: Instead of reading and applying this wise counsel from Cleft Events who might be running her home on those principles successfully, you are trying to prove to every poster that does not agree with the myopic opinions of your obviously frustrated likes here. We continue to copy the western ladies who can readily cope with multiple divorces, but when the chips sre down you will not let the pastors be where you are looking for quick miracles.

@Cleft Events - You may have a calling for marriage counselling ministry. Sanity needs to be restored in the minds of some ladies

Common sense is not so common!

The Op talked about avoiding a potential abuser and someone else is talking about ready made men, submission etc.

I don not care the principles anyone wants to run his or her home on.

Don't just spew non sense in a public forum.

Anyone who is against abuse or low quality riff raffs is now frustrated.

Why is Aregbesola looking for trouble where there is none?

I want to believe that the Baptist Schools are missionary schools?

Why merge?

Why has he not decided to merge Christian students in a Muslim founded school?

Why does he not decide to create Islamic missionary schools if there are none?

What really is his problem?

Why can't he leave everyone to themselves?

Must he merge the schools before he uses the state's allocation to renovate them?

ferhyntorlah: Anything built on lies and deceit will never stand!

She knew the guy still had soft spot for her, so she took advantage of that to exploit him.

Tell your colleague to forget the money; her act will speak against her in due time. It will hurt, yeah it will but he will the better for it.

I so pity the babe because the guy she married will be her karma!

@OP:

Please take this advise

Let the girl be: She it is 200k she took from you? Don't worry when she is paying with several thousands of naira, abuse, etc.

The girl did not give herself brain at all! Your hubby to be knows you scammed your ex to pay your own bride price?

Tomorrow, she will open her mouth and be crying that all men are wicked!

Well Op,

I believe everyone is the king/queen of his/her home and behave as they deem fit.

I would have found it strange (infact, I have never seen/heard it before) but I have learnt to accept whatever anyone offers me with love.

As other posters said, there might be issues previously in the home and NOT everything that goes wrong is the wife's doing because you seem to stress on the fact he is married.

Appreciate the fact that they welcomed you in their own home and accept whatever they give you with love.

Now you know their MO, next time you are visiting, carry along what you want to eat

Cleft Events: Some ladies are not ready to work sha,they just want ready made. Am not saying dat u shud accept rubbish but with dis kind of attitude u will remain single and divorce will be on d increase. If U don't want to end up tasting all d guys then note dat Marriage/relationship is all about give and take/compromise. No guy will beat u if u do d right thing(pls am not supporting abusers) just do d right thing and be ready to always give and give at all times.

Also I will beg u to stop spreading dis attitude because its not everybody dat can extract d right message from it,some girls/ladies will only pick d wrong ideas and start sending defiant signals to their partners.

Remember our mothers were able to sustain their relationships/marriage because they were submissive,try it,it doesn't hurt. It will save a lot of proceedings in court due to divorce. We always quote d bible but it seems ladies of dis days skip dat part.

And for d guys out there,wots happening,u guys shud step up,some of u need to change your attitudes towards us. Remember one only accepts defeat by punching and if u know u are too powerful pls try punching men like u. People respect u more because of d way u treat your wife and I have found out dat spiritually u gain more by treating her right because u get an additional person to pray for u,remember d saying dat whoever finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from d LORD. Or would u like it if u find your father beating your mother or another man beating your sister all in d seek of marriage. Give your woman her space if dats wot she wants. Always give and give until she gets tired of receiving believe me if u do dat u will be among d happiest men, a lady's attitude towards u is a reflection of how u treat her.
God Bless.

Are you sure you read the OP at all?

ariseandshine: Random Adam?

I laugh in Spanish

May God not give you a Random man.

Say Amen

Dude, follow the trail

ariseandshine: Eve the woman.

Then she owes no one nothing.

She is any individual walking the earth just like any random Adam out there.

[quote author=Okija_juju]The Op made it look like a Man that gets angry and throws things against a wall is not the ideal man for any woman to marry.. Or that a Man that insists that his wife pounds yam for him to eat when she is pregnant is not that Ideal man..



Like seriously?!


The OP just made out all of Our Grandfathers and Great Grandfathers to be Bad Husbands [/quote]Well well, whatever rocks each persons' boat

Some women do not like soft husbands...

We all know that they were not model husbands anyways....

Only few (extremely few) women will pray to marry men like their grandfathers

eddiebruk: They become so desperate because they failed or are failing to use the chances when they have them, they will tell you they need a submissive husband, but deep down in their heart that is not truly what they want, what they actually want is an already made man. and because of this they get old without being in a steady relationship and thereby become desperate for just any man that comes her way with the fear of living the rest of her life with a Lonely Old congos

What has submission got to do with been 'made'?

You seem to really be mixing up issues

ariseandshine: If I may ask, why was EVE created?

Eve as a wife is different from Eve as a woman just how Adam as a husband is different from Adam as a man

Which Eve are you referring to?

[quote author=Okija_juju]My darling.. The point is that there is no ideal anything/anywhere..


No couple can honestly come out and say they didnt compromise on one thing or the other in their considerations before marrying their partners. NONE!! Comma must dey.. If you have a 100% partner, then I dont see what the fvck you are doing online.. You should be with that person 24/7 protecting them from people like this OP who are out there hunting for 100% perfect partnners to snatch or marry..


[b]_{If my sister brings home a partner (that I dont like), heres gonna be my advice to her; My darling sister.. You know I love you and would always look out for your interest. This I promise you will not change. Like Daddy use to say, Marriage is between 2 people. There is no perfect man or woman on earth. Thats why I told mum that I could never be married to her, because I would kill her.. lol. But look at how peaceful and happy a relationship herself and daddy have. Thats why I would advice you to go remove the love from your eyes and the butterfliles from your tummy and keep in one corner and properly assess, inspect, examine, analyse, research, inquire, probe, scrutinize and evaluate this man you want to marry.. Like I told mum, so will I tell you.. I can never marry your husband if I were a Woman because of XYZ reasons.. However, thats just me and I cant hold you to my standard. If you can go and do this honestly and truthfully and still come back to tell me that this is what you want to do, then I will give you my unreserved blessing with a clause that says: Should later down the line you feel like you have made a mistake, then please feel free to use the DIVORCE option after another careful examination of your situation and the implications of your decision.. I will also be here to accept you with open arms, because that what Family are there for.. [/b]}
[/quote]Oh so you will advice your darling sister to scrutinize?

That is what the OP is doing.

There is no perfect man or woman; there is however that person that is ideal for you. There are some things I cannot cope with and some I can 'manage' and vice versa for a guy too.

I might be able to cope with being disorganized but can't stand a bad cook; a guy might manage a bad cook as far as she doesn't nag; another man might not care for all of the above as far as she is good in bed; another man might not like s.ex and does not give a damn if she is a one time woman.

My point, there is a man/woman ideal for you. She or he will NOT be perfect but you both will be willing to make things work out for the best.

Like they say, she is not perfect but we are perfect in each other....

lekpalicious: Lmao. When did i say that all men are bad. Secondly keeping a man is no problem. I have a good man who loves and respects me and he is type of guy i always wanted and its not out of desperation. The only reason i am unmarried yet is because we are not there financially yet. So dont worry your lil head about me. I am fine. But why you so bitter though lmao. Dont worry no matter what there will always be stupid girls who will be desperate enough for the likes of you.

Lol!

Now, this is funny!

My sister, there will always be

A female poster opens a thread to advice ladies to avoid abusive and substandard men.

Male posters are ranting and talking about submission, competitiveness, reasons men cheat etc.

If your sister brings a man you know is a potential abuser or cheat home, will you advice her to carry on so that she will not hug her pillow at night or walk on menopause street? Will you tell her to be patient and pray or run for her dear life?

The quality of some men is really pathetic.

Just as some women are not wife materials, some men are not husband materials.

[quote author=@tjololade]So is not true what the Bible said?... Im asking[/quote]What are you referring to?

eddiebruk: You should know the real reason behind so many unmarried Aunty, i was only telling you some of the real life reason why so many Aunties are still searching even at 42, so abeg carry your wahala go Yaba left

You can open a thread to discuss why women are unmarried at 42 if it so affects you.

Don't mix issues on this beautiful thread.

eddiebruk: Thats not true Aunty, the reason why the men go for younger women is because the wives feels like since they are married now she can now do away with those things that caught the eyes of the husband, like baring it all at home, if you bare it all for your husband for 2years he will get tired of seeing those things, so try as much as possible to get him guessing always, be on top notch of your game as a wife like you guys are just some young bf/gf, sexually educate your mind more to be able to arouse his intellect as well as his louins every evening when he gets home, keep him running home to have a taste of your dish during his break period, keep sending him SMS while he is at work, tell him you want him to take you out this weekend, make him buy you gifts. abeg 9ja women always thinks that once they are married their world has now come to an end for the struggle of having a man, failing to understand that keeping him is the most important thing

And this your post made sense to you?

If a man is not happy with the ways for his wife, is he dumb that he cannot discuss with her or is he senseless not to reason properly?

Do you want to compare a wife who has to take care of the kids, home, manage her job, in-laws and other things to a young babe who has no responsibilities?

Please step up your game if you think there is a reason to cheat.

ariseandshine: With this kind of advise your listeners will end up in T.B Joshua's Church at the age of 40 looking for a husband.

eddiebruk: Orisirisi topic, now you will see all the Ada beke's and Olosho popping up to commend the OP, like someone said, so many women are single today because of their pride to be submissive to their husbands, Marriage is not a competition of who owns the best things, some are not married but they are happy, and only their Pillows knows how much pains they feel each night. Nobody should quote me sha

I did not intend to commend but some posts like the above got to me.

Where are the Op talked about submission or not? where did she even mention competition or owning this?

Are you sure that you are responding to the OP at all?


It is all these Nigerian mindset that makes unmarried women jump at the next available thing in trousers.

Like it is said, if you do not have a destination, anywhere becomes your end point.

If a woman knows her purpose in life and who she is, she will automatically weed out a lot of prospects.

It is well

chaircover: In reality the majority of beggers are not able bodied and have one disability or the othe

They are, trust me.

Some have even built houses in the village with the begging profession.

For most, it is a status

chaircover: If you are talking about Nigeria . . . .then not always true.

Go to any party and watch the rich spraying each other . . . .then leave the venue and observe how much if at all these same people who were spraying their already rich friends N1000 notes give to beggars outside.

Mean people cut across all social classes. Meanness comes from within and will always be there regardless of if you have money or not. Go to any big market and see how some of these big madams and oga's treat their staff/sales girls/apprentices.

We as Nigerians need to value life more and actually listen and understand what is being preached in our 3 services on Sunday and 15 midweek services that we go to. May God help us all.

Generally, I do not subscribe to giving able bodied beggars money

Most beggars fare better than the 'begged'

jennykadry: There can only be one SOUL MATE

I quite believe that

I thought her marriage end a few months back?

How long did it take her to come to terms with the divorce/separation, analysis herself and union, heal, correct her mistakes, move own and find love again?

It is well o!

kenyattamoore: I am still waiting for my air ticket,next week tuesday.I will let you people know when I travel.Thanks all

I will continue to pray for you.

It's well

Preg or not, just leave him!

Kenya,

How far?

Any show/update?

Nigerian with their mentality of 'marriage be the all in all of a woman'

It is well o!

Op, come and update us on your choice

vivianc: How did you see the "potential cheat?" Anyway, I don't wanna debate on that. What I want to let her know is there are consequences, huge ones! God is not asleep! You can't use your fellow human like this and go free.

As a growing child, my mum sounded these warnings into my ears:
1. " Do not insult any guy that comes for you, no matter how small or little you thing he is."

2. "If you don't like a man, pls don't like his gifts."

I grew up with these warnings. I could have found myself in her shoes at 17 too but i didn't want to be indebted to any man. I knew what I wanted and I wasn't gonna allow indebtedness to make the choice for me. If I wanted that, I know where I would have been, but no regrets. I'm taking it slow and with serene peace of mind.
No man can say "oh, after all I have done for you!" Nah, no man can take that glory. It all belongs to God, and sometimes I lend my family some.

Pls to every teen reading this thread, if a man is not good enough for you, his gifts shouldn't be!

Standing ovation Vivian!

vivianc: How did you see the "potential cheat?" Anyway, I don't wanna debate on that. What I want to let her know is there are consequences, huge ones! God is not asleep! You can't use your fellow human like this and go free.

As a growing child, my mum sounded these warnings into my ears:
1. " Do not insult any guy that comes for you, no matter how small or little you thing he is."

2. "If you don't like a man, pls don't like his gifts."

I grew up with these warnings. I could have found myself in her shoes at 17 too but i didn't want to be indebted to any man. I knew what I wanted and I wasn't gonna allow indebtedness to make the choice for me. If I wanted that, I know where I would have been, but no regrets. I'm taking it slow and with serene peace of mind.
No man can say "oh, after all I have done for you!" Nah, no man can take that glory. It all belongs to God, and sometimes I lend my family some.

Pls to every teen reading this thread, if a man is not good enough for you, his gifts shouldn't be!

Standing ovation Vivian!

[quote author=Omo_Alata]After the last few posts, I can see why some women in Vure position maybe too scare to talk, cos of fear of being judged and dissected.[/quote]Anyone who promises a man marriage and decides to bail out after he trains her must be scared to talk

What she tends to do is called 'use and dump'

ileobatojo: Buka, don't guilt or scare this woman into marrying this guy. No curse can stick if she makes good faith effort to do things right. About the unquantified things you mentioned, that is true for any relationship, doesn't mean one can't end it whenever you want.

The truth is that she has given this guy her consent (spoken or unspoken) that's why he trained her through school. He might have wanted her to 'concentrate' as a student or mature that was why he did not marry her.

Wiser men who practice this style usually marry the girl first before sponsoring. With that, they are sure that their investment will not be in 'vain'.

I can bet that if the man was younger, more polished, handsome and richer, she might not have noticed all the flaws she complains of now

Nashville: I agree with everything you said except calling this guy a craddle snatcher. He is yet to sleep with her at 21. Even if they started dating when she was 17, is that too young? Dont some women get married at 19? You have spoken well except that little bit!

The age difference na wire!

Nogen: And he didn't take advantage of you during the 5 years. Hmmmmmmm! This case is delicate o. I would like you to be very careful here. It practically trained you in school and in return, he wants to marry you. If he's not abusive, you may have to reconsider your stand. You should not have allowed him spend his money on you all these years.

If she does any how and the guy curses her, it will stick.

That's why some people have undefined problems in future