₦airaland Forum

theLORDreigns: Hmm, this doesn't sound right on so many levels.
But, you are a man so I can't blame you for not understanding that we (the female gender) want more than just to be s*x/baby machines...
Getting married/child bearing should never be taken as the end point for the female gender.

My dear, that is a lot of women's dreams...

My only problem will be when they deceive an innocent woman with so much dreams and after marriage they begin to block her!

If they can make their stance known before marriage and the wife to be agrees, then that is their headache!

Lerrie John: I am quite a feminist in the sense that a woman should have a voice in the family, community and society as a whole but when it comes to the FAMILY I have a different approach. I have read some women complain about giving up on those "dreams" ie career.
I have got a career in which I'm doing extremely well and I've got more room for growth but notwithstanding my "dream" is to raise my FAMILY. MY husband doesn't mind my job but when we do have kids I'm going to leave work and dedicate my time to my kids until they are grown. That's my decision not his. He doesn't agree with me and thinks I should work but I told him I would love to work a part time job or work for him as long as the job permits me to pick my kids after school, cook for them, do home works , play together and have dinner together as a family my husband inclusive. No job or carrier title will ever fill the emptiness you WILL have when you get old. All the material things will come and go but if you as a WOMAN succeed in creating ang growing a PEACEFUL LOVING FAMILY believe me you will live a fulfilling and rewarding life.
That's just my opinion.
If on the other hand your dream is to own your career, house, cars...in other words material things...I hope they give you enough warmth when you get old.
Women are wise and are actually wiser than Men if we could only learn to use our knowledge in the right way. Your man is the HEAD of the family but you are the NECK. The head will always depend on the NECK. it doesn't matter if your husband owns five houses after all what is his is yours if you are legally and happily married. If you play your roles as wise wives and women you will have everything you have ever dreamed. Family and career together.

Living a rewarding and fulfilling life entails a person to be well rounded.

It is not the duty of the woman but the couple to make their home peaceful and loving.

pickabeau1: Me ke.. i dont know how to share women....also dont forget a man will rather have his own harem than share another man's

Then your post doesn't really make sense (no offence intended)

You should know that it is 'a human thing' and not male/female

Just how no normal man wants to share his woman, no normal woman wants to share her man!

Don't make women how do not want to share guilty!

tintingz: I guess adultery is a christian thing

I guess my post was in English right?

Please return the favor

Bpriest: which part you don't get in : her dream is to have a happy home? Na wa oo is she forced to have the same dreams and aspirations as you ? Free her Abeg

To have a 'happy' home is not a dream bros!
Don't quote me if you don't understand English!

pickabeau1: if only the chics will allow

They develop this brain loss and mind-boggling envy when another woman comes near their pwoperteee....
Interestingly these same women will come and say they dont need men..


women cannot live with each other sharing a man unfortunately... even up till old age

i really wonder how the arabs/northerners do it....

[img]https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7127184896/h0629606A/[/img]

Why don't you men teach us how?

I mean, men are soooooo good in sharing their women with other men that we women need to learn how NOT to be jealous...

When can I come for tutorials?

yorex2011: dont mention God's name like you know his will or plan for evrybody...
men want happy homes thats why they toil and work hard so that they can provide for the family..
who told you she cant improve her world or excel at something....you dont need to have a career to improve the world or excel at something

His plan for everyone is to impart their world!

Read up the Virtuous wife/woman in Proverbs 31: 10 - 31 if you are a Christian!

Right you do not need a career to improve your world or excel at something!

I can decide to preach from campus to campus; I can decide to always keep my street clean; I can decide to offer free lessons to my neighbours' kids;

No matter what it is, please do something with your life!

It's like a girl saying my dream is 'to be the best daughter in the world'

Bpriest: I don't know why they are ganging you up? at least you know what you want. Good luck. I'm sure you will have a happy home and beautiful kids .
And nope it doesn't

You know the funny thing,

if your daughter you trained through law school or medical school comes to tell you this, you will slap her

Keep deceiving her and don't tell her the truth!

I am sure you will like all your daughters not to amount to anything in life because 'she wants to have a happy home!'

deols: Read the Op again.

Ok, my bad

[quote author=Okija_juju]I told my wife the only way I would not forgive her is if she sleeps with a person that is lesser than me 'generally'.. Sex is not the problem, love is.

A prostitute has a partner she loves dearly. But she sleeps with men for money. Sex not love. My wife has said it that her greatest fear isnt that I would cheat on her sexually, but that I would cheat on her emotionally..

Plus! My wifes bosses are women. Her male boss that I know, I will forgive her instantly becuase if I was a girl, I would f|uck him as well..




Infidelity is not the worst thing in a marriage.

Ask those muslim women.. They would rather have their homes all to themselves and have a husband that f|ucks around, rather than share their home, husband and everything with 4 - 20 other women.[/quote]Trust me, if you genuinely love your partner, you will not share with anyone else...

There is a difference btw love making and sex...

You can have sex with anyone, you make love with the one you love!

Than again, there are different types of love...

cupboard love, cockroach love, etc.

deols: She said we have a choice and that is true. Everyone has a choice.

She said we don't have a choice

Mr Aboki: Please dont bring your women liberation message to our Muslim sisters..

Women liberation message?

Biko, I was asking a question!

Who knows, a Muslim husband might let his wife have a young side kick while he is with wifey 2 - 4

Who would like to be liberated from such?

Such 'liberation' will be demonic!

deols: The seconded bolded is actually right!!

you do not have a choice in the kind of marriage you have??

Who does?

ummsulaym: [/b]

@first bolded, maybe not the worst but one of the worst things... I doubt if I can forgive my man for that(may Allah distant us from infidelity)...

@second bolded, better agreed upon if you had typed women and not 'muslim' women... As much as I'd want my man to myself(not shared), I wouldn't mind 3 more rivals if infidelity becomes an option... Women are possessive of their men(ofcourse, we should be) but a muslim woman should not put her husband's aqeeda in jeopardy because of her emotions...

A Muslim woman should allow her husband marry extra wives to prevent him from sinning?

Sweetheart, what does the Muslim husband do for his wife? What concessions does he grant her?

dudet: The OP specifically referred to women; besides, if my dream is to have a happy home (as a woman/wife/mother) as against a successful career, does that make me any less an individual?

Sorry, in my books, it does!

You think God wasted His time and resources to create you to just have a happy home?

I guess men do not want happy homes right?

Is there no desire for you to even improve your world and excel at something?

Why is your dream not to be the best daughter?

You are first an individual before a daughter, wife or mother!

Like I said, most women have no dream/vision

loswhite: Js advice women not to get married so that they can build their own house and they don't have to answer to anybody. They can also pay a boy to sleep with them so that they can get give birth to a child dat can answer their maiden name. Dreams accomplished

you are NOT very bright, are you?

dudet: The truth is as a woman person, you have a right to determine what your priorities are; would you be happier if your husband spouse/family is happier? If that means making some sacrifices along the way, then that's fine. You can't always have what you want all of the time

With the modifications, your post just made sense.

This is exactly what the OP is about; in a family, everyone should be able to sacrifice and NOT just the wife...

The wife is an individual b/4 been a wife and mother...

Well, not everyone has dreams...

[quote author=Okija_juju]I see your problem...


You are mistaking sex for love..

Ask Ashawos.. They understand this principle very well.[/quote]I hope you won't feel bad if you wife sleeps with her boss...

it's just intimacy, not love

[quote author=Okija_juju]I can, but I wouldn't.

I'd keep my wife and spoil her with my wealth,
And F|uck around with as many other girls as I like.

Reason being that I lack the capacity to love more than 1 woman at a time. Its just too much work.[/quote]If you marry one and Bleep others, then it means you don't have the capacity to love anyone at all

Where is the fact that your sister's husband wants to sleep with you heading to?

Ok...

To his bed and the collapse of his marriage and to your castigation and guilt.

P.S.: How did your sister meet him?

nene1: Salams everyone,

I had a discussion with my mom and cousin about polygamy. I feel that EVERY man would practice polygamy if they could even including non muslims who criticize our system. So I just wanted to ask the muslim men here if they would marry more women if they were wealthy or if they would still stick to one wife. I think that in theory polygamy, is a good idea for women (not just men). If people did it right it would be of great benefit to women, but many men cannot be fair. Also women don't respect each other. They try to give each other hell. This is why I prefer to avoid polygamy. I am really afraid of my future husband cheating on me or marrying another wife. I really hope I find one who is fine with one wife and set of kids. I would be devastated if it happened to me. I don't think I have the patience or strength to endure it. Are there men out there that can actually control their desires and be faithful to one woman. My cousin's mother is a 3rd wife so she has no problem with polygamy and was almost ready to be a 2nd wife of an older rich guy. However he has been married to his one wife for many years. He's one of the few rich men with 1 wife. My cousin thinks it's selfish to want a man all to yourself. I disagree, if you are in love with your husband, why would you want to share him with another woman? Polygamy only needs to be practiced by a few men in order for every woman to find a husband. It doesn't have to be mine. Some women are ok with it and some are not. It is not fard in Islam so everyone doesn't have to do it. Well that's my feeling on polygamy. [b]Maybe I am wrong, but we do have a choice on what type of marriage we want[b].

@bolded, interesting!

The only aggrieved party is the first wife

At second bolded, you are kidding right?

I guess men are scared about women's reaction because of the way they behaved in times past

Sagamite: Fck not!

Over my dead body.

End of discussion

Nancyij37: All over the world, Gender equality have become a raging issue. The agitation that women take an increased role in all spheres of life. But there is an important but usually neglected dimension to this agitation. The Family dimension.

A lot of women tend to be “all about him” in a relationship or marriage. something that the Denver based clinical psychologist, Susan Heitler, PhD, author of Power of Two, a marriage skills-building course calls “appendage-itis,” a situation where the wife is basically being an accessory to the husband.

Now i wonder how we are gonna achieve the much talked about gender equality when there is so much gender inequality in the family which is the nucleus of the society.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that a woman should not respect his husband or be a little submissive once in awhile. My point is that some wives are too willing to give up on what they want which is a sharp contrast to the ‘all about me” attitude of men.

“Usually, many wives are afraid it could make a fight or some unpleasantness, or they just think somehow, on a subconscious level, in order to preserve the relationship, they have to diminish what they themselves want,” Heitler says.

The truth is that most women underestimate their worth. In their quest to make the marriage work, they give up on their dreams and things they really want. and most times, the marriage ends up breaking up anyway. This is because the feeling of hopelessness will turn to anger soon enough and eventually boils over.

Heitler went ahead to prefer a solution to this problem. And her solution is to Express your concerns about issues (be it housework, parenting duties or not having enough time for your husband or for yourself) rationally. As far as your husband loves you (which am sure he does), he will give your concerns a thought and make the necessary adjustment.

A woman  was created to be a man’s companion and support and not to be an accessory to him. A woman has the right to live her dreams, have what she wants while building a happy family with the man she loves

[quote author=Efemena_xy]@ Poster source pls.

That aside, I agree with the content of this article. Many women, especially Nigerian women are prone to thinking that way. It's actually engrained in them to such a point where they see being submissive = being subordinate, which I daresay, is at odds with their education.

I mean, why bother educating your daughters if she'll end up being nothing better than a glorified househelp in her own home, both physically and emotionally? Yes, I know many ladies who went through tertiary education have put their education to good use - but how many of these same women have done things for themselves? I mean personal goals they've always wanted to achieve pre-marriage? Or achieving their dreams?

There's a rankling thread in this section about a man who:

~ Earned eight times more than his wife
~ Owned various property and assets, etc.

It was all about him, him, him and no mention of what his wife probably went through those 10 years of marriage without a dime to her name. Eventually the tables turned and she landed herself a well-paying job and built just one house for herself and guess what? The miffed husband sprinted off to nland soliciting 'advice' on how much he felt betrayed by his wife! Of course the teenagers and other mumpties here encouraged him to ditch her (never mind her silent suffering for 10years), she must have been having an affair with her priest (she never saw fit to do that before o! Only when she got working now, abi?)

https://www.nairaland.com/1496529/priest-aids-wife-build-without

What am I getting at here? In a society where marriage is seen as the greatest milestone and achievement in one's life (moreso if you're a female), you aren't expected to do anything for yourself, think independently for yourself or dare have dreams and aspirations, all in the name of two-becoming-one, which incidentally, always works out well for the menfolk.

If anyone dares rebutt what I've written up there, then:

For the men folk - how many of your properties are in both your names and your wife's name? Is her name on the title deed of your houses??

For the married women folk - how many of you, despite your education and careers have built a house - just one single house - in your own right? And even if you have, in whose name is it in? Yours or your husband's?

And for the married women who despite their careers and education haven't yet done that, may I ask how come? And pls don't come at me with the same old story of having to look after the kids (who afterall, don't bear your maiden names! but your husbands' names!)[/quote]Standing Ovation....

In addition, a lot of women do not have dreams so don't blame their poor husbands for their lack of achievement...

Interview 1000 female graduates/ undergraduates on what they want to be/their dreams and you will weep.

Some of them are a waste to their generation

Like Fashola said, women should stop saying 'men do NOT allow them to do a, b, c..., they should instead say... I want to do a, b, c who will stop me?'

Sagamite: Continue arguing against science and think it will relieve you of your objections.

Are you a Christian? If no, we are not on the same level and you cannot understand me how I cannot understand that 'men are polygamous in nature' when God never said so.

If yes, then there is a serious problem somewhere

carefreewannabe: I wish every Nigerian woman could come to Europe if only for a while and compare Nigerian men to the folks here
I don't think, our Nigerian ladies would ever again be able to respect this certain kind of Nigerian men and would eventually see what BS they talk

Carefreewannabe,

Most Nigerian women are as bleeped up as the men!

Read NL through and through to see that most women think cheating is normal and the cure is red pants and black bras

Afteral, it is women who trained most men to see cheating as normal.

Like I say, there is every man for every woman.

bukatyne: Nobody is saying that Clara deserves to be abused in all ways because she married a rich man; afterall, all rich men will be married (if they wish to marry).

However, with the rate everyone on Enugu knows his immoral ways, only a foolish woman would marry him and except her marriage/home to be blissful. If all the allegations against him are true, she should please not disturb our peace.

Most women against Clara are NOT 'jealous' of her; we have seen too many women close their greedy and low quality mind to the characters of their rich magas and start complaining wickedly when their husbands begin to behave the way they know who to.

A man has been shouting and talking rudely to you and suddenly after wedding, you want him to change overnight. The truth is that MOST women who marry rich men do so for their money. As far as the man is paying your bills, please suck it up!

Yea yea, NOT all poor men are husband materials too so poverty is NOT a guarantee of a blissful home. A man can be poor and still be a poor quality husband. Try frustration, laziness, bitterness and other vices.

Marriage is not a meal ticket for women; a V is NOT is a tool of feeding! Every woman should learn to contribute meaningfully to her home especially financially! Marry someone to sow in his life and vice versa.

It is only a woman who no hope, vision or belief in herself that will run about to marry a rich man because she knows she can't make it.

My Post above answers your question

freecocoa: So women should now marry only very poor men to avoid abuse and every other bad thing that comes with marriage e kwa? Y-all must be crazy, mscheew.

Abeg this matter should be investigated and help rendered to this woman if need be, I can only blame her if she knew about his immoral lifestyle before marrying him and that does not still mean she should be left to die at the hands of a wicked husband.

This Chime of a man better repent before it becomes too late for him, that's if him never carry Aids sef, nonsense ati ingredients.

To all October Celebrats!

Happy Birthday!

So happy that my cousin's baby joined us in October!

carefreewannabe: 1. Cultural differences are HUGE! Let's not deceive ourselves. White men are less likely to take this "I produce so much sperm and need to release it" excuse but instead take MORE pride in exposing some self-control unlike their Nigerian counterparts who f.uck almost everything, are well known for having children with different women and spread STDs, which they are also well known for. You focus on biology so much and imply that culture and CHARACTER / ATTITUDE is of less importance. Yes, men all around the world cheat BUT the attitude to cheating in African cultures is different and that for me is the reason why so many people consider African men the way they do (AIDS spreading f.uckers)

2. Human beings are not only primitive biological organisms. Human beings are emotional, intellectual, religious beings. If men only cared for procreating, they would impregnate women and move on without being able to create a bond between them and their children. Yet, men are also emotional and create a bond with their children because UNLIKE animals a human child takes MUCH MORE TIME to grow up than an animal and Needs BOTH a afather and a mother, not only to provide Food but to teach him / her certain things OVER THE YEARS. So don't talk like ALL men are ONLY controlled by their joysticks, primitive and to weak to control their sexual desires.

3. Additionally, MANY men also desire to have a family. The marriage institution was NOT invented by women! You talk as if it's only women who want to get married. Who do they get married with? MEN! Men who were not forced to marry! The monogamous marriage in the West wasn't forced by women BUT implemnted by men! Ask yourself why! 'Cause HUMANS unlike ANIMALS can reason instead of only being controlled by instincts.
The institution of marriage / monogamous relationship is the best solution to raising children and we both know it. You can deceive yourself as long as you want that YOUR children will be as happy as children who grow up in an enviornment where mother and father live happily together BUT fact is that they are not! It takes a lot to build a happy home from MEN and WOMEN and raise emotionally healthy children.
Look at Nigeria, full of men with multiple wives hving more than 10 children that are poorly educated and emotional retards who don't even know their fathers well because their fathers can't give the attention the children need as they are too many.

P.S.
Your comparisons between animals and humans are quite superficial but if you want to go there, you must also admit that being gay is also VERY NATURAL because there are homosexual animals as well So excuse everything in the Name of biological make-up of an organism

My Dear,

You are 100% correct; 'Men are polygamous in nature' is 100% Nigerian BS!

Don't be surprised at all that is going on...

Since the fall of humans, everything has attached women from Satan, men and women themselves!

Adam blamed Eve and since then, the blame game has been played world all over

When they get to hell, they will know if men are polygamous or NOT!

[quote author=baby_123]Honestly i wanted to respond. That comment was too childish to comprehend. It is a baby's fault that you are a cheat. I bet if she couldnt have the baby you would cheat because she cant have kids. "Everyone is starving me of attention. i, the baby in need of desperate attention. So i must cheat. at least i love her enough to wear condo*m to cheat, this cheating she led me to". hahahaaha. This is somebody's father o. [/quote]As in eh, the yard of marriageable material of some men is so low that I wonder if it would sew an handkerchief!

[quote author=soul_glo]Worst part is the "It is not my fault" mentality. Typical. He cannot even take responsibility for his cheating. It's not an attractive trait in a man or woman. Take responsibility. Becoming an Adult 101[/quote]Imagine him saying he's cheating because his infant son took his place in his wife's life?

He loves her that's why he is using protection?

He cannot even beat his chest and say 'I abc is cheating because I want to'!

Shameless man!

[quote author=soul_glo]Worst part is the "It is not my fault" mentality. Typical. He cannot even take responsibility for his cheating. It's not an attractive trait in a man or woman. Take responsibility. Becoming an Adult 101[/quote]Imagine him saying he's cheating because his infant son took his place in his wife's life?

He loves her that's why he is using protection?

He cannot even beat his chest and say 'I abc is cheating because I want to'!

Shanesless