₦airaland Forum

OlowoTee: Bukatyne
Let it go..
Let this slip..off.

It's no point going forth and back on this issue. Atleast, for the sake of the father of John. I beg, drop off those analysis. What matters most is getting to heaven on the last day. Every church got their principles which are set up to guard their members towards getting it right with God. Respect DL view, which might be so different from others. However, it does not mean that those outside DL cannot still worship God in truth and in spirit. Every church got her governing body and constitutions, but that of Christ is foundational.


For the love of Christ, there are more important things to think about and to do. Such as reaching out to others, burning out for God. People need the LORD...Let us not allow the enemy to fill out heart with bitterness, sprewing things that are not upright. Let this argument go..oti sun mi. LOL.

God bless you. Shalom

OlowoTee, you should follow Image123 and I's conversation. I am not 'holding' anything.

Shalom

Aish wins this hands down.

I don't seem to see the acclaimed 'oh my gosh' beauty of Angelina Jolie.

Image123: That's the problem, you're seeing deeper lifers and Olowotee but not yourself. You brought up 'holiness'. Why ask if holiness differs because dressing differs? Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks na.

You are not getting the point or closing your eyes to it. Some Deeper lifers said dressing outside the usual mode of DL dressing is wrong and sinful. Someone even tried to analyse the bride's dressing 'no mascara, no powder, no lipstick' etc. meaning the poster feels those things are wrong. You and co are saying that these things are allowed per location hence the talk of holiness. This means that if a DLer like 'the friend of the bride' relocates to a branch where Love's dressing is deemed modest, she will believe the members have 'backslidden' or 'not born again'.

There are generally two issues on this thread:

1. Non DLers: Is this not hypocritical, would any random member be allowed to dress like this? FYI, we do not see her dressing as wrong. e.g. bukatyne;

2. DLers: There are two schools of thought.

i. Different dressing are allowed in various parishes or areas e.g. image123 etc.;

ii. All DLers dress alike and Love must have backslidden/ not born again/ not married in DL etc. e.g. Olowotee etc. An extreme view is the pictures were photoshopped to cause controversy e.g. friend of the bride

Double Post

miky: thats the difference!! a man cheats and its nothing, absolutely nothing, no attachment zilch!! when a lady cheats you can be rest assured she either has feelings for the guy or about to.. thats just how God made it.. on the contrary no body goes out to cheat, but trying to fight a war that your already loosing blah blah.. na u sabi

I don't care the moral codes you live by but don't drag God into this before He gets annoyed with you.

Read Heb 13: 4 and let it sink if you are a Christian. If you are not, I'm sure that the Quran speaks against it.

@OP: cheating is not right for any reason. It involves stealing, killing and destruction. God gave humans the power of the mind and we can use this power to spice up our sex lives.

For the guys saying all men cheat, I beg you, please don't believe all men lack self control and are senseless. It is an insult to believe that all men cannot make decisions and stand by it. His would they lead their homes? Marriage is not compulsory. If you know you are a selfish overgrown baby that cannot think with your God given brain on how to spice your own, don't marry. If you cannot uphold the vows you took before God, don't bother making them.

I wonder who Adam was sleeping with besides Eve, perhaps the animals.

For the ladies who think cheating is ok, goodluck

pro01: Oh come on. Okotie's reputation precedes him. She was a member of his church long before they got married, so she should have known how many girls in that church the yeye man had (not) slept with, and the gory details of his unstable personality. She knew all that, but she wanted the fame, fortune, and status that comes with "Pastor Mrs Okotie". Simple.


Well, women are always "good" in their own reckoning, not until you scratch beneath the surface would you be sure. You'd find a needle in a haystack before you find a 'normal' man that sends his wife packing for such stûpid reasons. Then again, I can't bet my old boxers that Okotie is 'normal' by any definition.

Nonetheless, since their union was shortlived, and since they had no kids between them, then I think it is a bit ridiculous to suggest that she is entitled to any kind of compensation (to sustain the lifestyle she enjoyed as his wife) irrespective of the cause(s) of their estrangement.

Even though it seems you are naturally bitter towards women, I have to agree with you at the bolded.

Image123: North America. The last statement is based on this statement that you made "For those
saying that they have different standard of
dressing across board, does it mean some
parishes are holier than others or is there
classic and modern parishes?" Your statement equates and compares the dressing standard to holiness, by asking if some parishes are holier than others.

Deep lifers did that and not us. Don't you notice that OlowoTee seems to suggest that the bride dresses that way because Mummy Kumuyi is dead? That the standards have fallen? Did you not see the poster that was the 'friend' of the bride and tried to debunk the pictures?

Image123: sorry to disappoint you, i am a living witness to another deeper life wedding where they also dressed this way, even more extravagant. Deal with facts, not. Why do you base the holiness of parishes on dressing but accuse deeper of doing same?

Can you tell us where this wedding took place?

Please explain your last statement

I don't understand why some deeper lifers are trying so hard to explain away these pictures. I have read funny points like:

The groom might not be born again
The father might nt have approved
There are different standards of dressing etc.

We all know that other members will never be allowed to wear this. For those saying that they have different standard of dressing across board, does it mean some parishes are holier than others or is there classic and modern parishes? Most dl members have painted the picture that people dressed apart from their way is a sinner. So where is the talk of different standards coming from?

There is no need to explain anything. The couple have wedded the way they like. We pray these privileges is extended to all members so we stop seeing weddings like funeral ceremonies and couples looking like chief mourners.

woodgatesimeon: I have been a deeperlife member ever scine....I know my pastor......he dosn't take nonsense... If the wedding was as bad as u guys put it.....he wotn accept it or even go to the wedding.....regardless of the fact that its his son's wedding....plz.......think before you talk plz

Go to the first page of this thread and tell us the degree of badness

chiteny: I thought we had agreed there will be peace in the marriage, so happiness is what we are looking for. And i thought i had proposed a means to obtain that happiness, even if it will not be immediate (please re-read my post)

So if she can't leave her hubby on the grounds of kneeling what do you propose for her to do? .....and if her talks to her hubby falls on deaf ears immediately after he raised the issue of kneeling down, and she cannot leave the marriage, what do u propose for her to do? Out rightly refuse to kneel down?

Now the hubby should have sold the idea of kneeling to the wife (perfect), but this is not the case and he is not here on NL for you to tell him this. So what do you advice the OP to do in this case?

I cannot propose anything for the wifey without knowing some parameters. Some women would promise to do heaven and earth to become almighty 'mrs' and after marriage they want to 'outsmart' their master. Who knows, the wifey might have condemned all women not kneeling for their hubbies just to get hubby-to-be approval and now is changing rhythm. If this is the case, hubby married her because he wanted a 'kneeler' and she should be ready to crawl and kneel.

If the insanity (according to MBJ)started after marriage, she should ask hubby for a concrete reason why she should kneel. "Because my bother did it" makes no absolute sense and he better comes up with something reasonable.

What you use to get a marriage is what you will use to sustain it.

I don't know what you call happiness but it doesn't come from doing something you think humiliates you.

Cheers

carmelion: Hi bukatyne,somehow your post sounds as if you are in support of extra marital relationship......but I think and hope you are not.

All those things you wrote there is for the 'big girls' in the game. Ladies who know exactly what they are doing and wants to go ahead to do it any ways.

I think Playgal was trying to advise the young innocent girls who believes anyone, who says the word"I love you" to them.

From experience,I have seen and heard some ladies seek 'solace' in the hands of married men when they suffer heartbreak or when they feel no single guy is serious with them. They feel an older partner would comfort them ,pet them. They mistake those expensive gifts as a sign of 'genuine love'.


For the big girls who are experts in the game already,trust me they don't need anyone to advise them. They know the consequences of what they are doing very well. All they need is financial gain.


To any single lady on this thread,who is thinking of towing that line,please read Playgal's post carefully and understand it.Do unto a man's wife ,what you want single girls to do unto you as a married woman.What goes around........ ?

Hello Carmiedoll, longest time

I don't and will never support such evil

I think Playgal's post was written with some certain beliefs that

1. 'Innocent' girls who date married men are victims
2. Men esp married can do whatever they like as per 'men' i.e. there is no consequence for the men
3. The wives at home are the 'winners' who still have the husbands at the end of the day.
4. Start up men are always loving

In reality,

The wives are the victim (if they are innocent). The men would have given the best to their mistresses and come back with shaft to their wives. Quality time, money, sex, etc.

Adultery has very serious consequences for the husband

The girls are not 'innocent'. They are mean, calculating, greedy and covetous (whether they believe the men's 'I love you' or not). Why would a woman in her right senses be waiting for a man to divorce his wife so she can have him? Are men so scarce? Someone actually quoted a research that says that men are more than women in Nigeria. There is a Yoruba proverb that says that 'the cane used to beat the first wife will be used to beat the second wife'. I'm usually amazed when second wives quarrel that the man is getting the third one. Like seriously? How was she the second? Now I think about it, the 'big girls' chop clean mouth for money are better than the 'innocent' ones that are dreaming expecting the man to leave his wife for them.

Stories around us show that not all boys the 'level' of the girls turn out to be good partners.

passionate88: so true. @bukatyne, na wa for u o, I go 1 thread wey silentlywild create abt husbands wey dey cheat on dia wives when she dey pregnant, I bn dey enjoy d comments untill I jam ur own, I nearly lose my impotence because of shock. U sef na wa o.

Hi,

What comment are you talking about?

Hi Playgal, how is today going?

Playgal: LADIES, BEFORE YOU DATE A MARRIED MAN YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS:
1. The only thing he wants from you is sex, After Cumming he will be gone. He will only sweet talk you again when he needs some sex.
The only thing 90% of girls who date married men want is money or sex too. The woman will only sweet talk him when she needs the cash

2. He can spend a day with you touring beautiful places but at the end of the day he will go back to his wife and kids who will be missing him.
Wives rarely miss a cheating husband except when they are ignorant of his ways. A girl who spends a day touring with a man has gained more than the woman to goes back home to at night.

3. He is never going to leave his kids and wife because of you. He will only be fooling you all the time with words like “I will marry you,I will build for you a house, I will buy for you land, I will take you to the driving school, I will buy for you a posh car” and many more different lies.
Most girls were not expecting him to leave his wife in the first place. They are both backups to each other. Most of the time, the men fulfill their monetary promises; that's what makes the relationship run in the first place

4.Keep it in ur minds that ur not the only one he sleeps with apart from his wife. If he can cheat on his wife with u then can’t he cheat on you with some other lady? Seriously he does. He spends his time n money on other babes just like the way he does with you.
The girls cant be bothered if he 'cheats' them or not. They simply do not care. The man has no commitment to them. What else do the girls want other than his money and time?

5. He really loves his wife that is why he married her, he can’t divorce her and he can’t marry you. You are just his side dish to take off his stress. So his loving you is for fun and temporary.
A husband who loves his wife will not cheat on her. A lot of men actually run away with their mistresses. Some divorce their wives and marry the mistress. The girl is actually the one enjoying the man's love

6. He will dump you after using you for some other fresh babe; he won’t fulfill what he promised you. Those will be lies that he told you just to soften your heart and to get what he wanted.
It is a mutual agreement and except the girl wants to be a second wife, she knows the relationship is heading nowhere

7. Getting pregnant won’t fully trap him; He has his real kids and wife at home that he can show to the friends and relatives. You and your kids will be hidden.
Hidden is a relative term. If your family knows him, his family knows you, I do not know the kind of publicity you are talking about. Also consider that the lady might want to be a baby mama

8. His property and money are his, children and his wife. It’s very hard to get a share on his property.
I hope you are not referring to cultures where the widow and kids are thrown out after his death. If he has a will, he has the right to make anybody he wants a beneficiary. The money he spends on his mistress will likely be more than want he spends on his family. Some men actually build houses and buy cars for their mistresses.


9. You will never be part of his future, so stop wasting your time and energy. Cease serving your body to him because he
gives you some money, because he promised you something…
The wife he's cheating on is also not part of his future too (if he has one). They had consensual sex and there is nothing like 'serving your body' theory. They both enjoyed it and he's probably better with her than his wife.


A real lady works hard and gets her own money, pays her bills and a man with a lot of dime should just be a BONUS. Be wise dear Ladies. Get out of that sexual network.
True


Stop wasting your time with married men.
It depends on what you mean by time wasting

Love guys of your level who have true love for you.
100% True however, not all guys have true love for girls their level. We hear stories of heartbreaks everyday.

Black Kenichi: Still, no feminazi has answered my question that I put up:


It's funny how they complain about the memes i put yet they never seem to answer my questions!

Maybe there is no 'Feminazi' in the house.

deols: She stayed on and waited till she was going to die?
I dont think she wrote this. Her relatives must have done it after her death to punish the man.

Lol!

What is even the essence of this letter? Why is it on a public forum?

The wife made her choice and lived died for it.


From the story, it was cancer that killed her and not the hubby so what is she blaming the hubby for?

If I read she died of accident or something beyond her control, it is a different ball game.

Her parents warned her, she refused. We all make mistakes so that doesn't count against her. When the hubby proved the parents right after repeated beatings and cheating, she still decided to stick to him. well, that was her choice. When she eventually left, what was she still expecting from him? Someone who did not care for you while you were with him, you expect him to care during cancer?

I just feel very sorry for her children who would now believe it is ok to cheat and abuse or be at the receiving end of such. I sincerely pray that God heals those children and make them whole again.

This stories trail the net everyday and people keep making the same mistakes. One woman on FB, her father even warned her never to go back to her hubby but she did and he killed her. People were now saying 'type RIP' like we were the ones that killed her.

Yes, God hates divorce but it is allowed on grounds of adultery. In cases of abuse/violence, the couples can separate till there is a solution and get back together.

Let us stop making sensations out of peoples' choices.

What kind of terrible news is this?

First a pregnant woman molested and now this?

If the sermon the hubby played was 'offensive', why didn't they just settle with the hubby?

However, the hubby should have switched off the sermon since the people around him found it offensive. Due to the sensitive nature of the North, I don't think there is really 'freedom' of speech/association for now.

Was the woman attacked because of her muslim faith or was she a victim of hoodlums?

May God comfort the family for their loss

success4: Many a busy body on NL. What is my business with the way she dressed? The member that follow leaders
blindly are to be blamed. I don't see Pastor Kumuyi's blame in all these. The marriage committee are
the main problem of deeper-life when it comes to wedding issue.

Are you telling me this couple had a different marriage committee?

Even if the members had erroneous beliefs about dressing and the wedding dress in particular, why couldn't the marriage committee educate them?

This is teach us to listen to God and not man.

mouthcuffed: I am the husband, and I will clear the air. My wife did send me an SMS yesterday stating she wanted to rub minds with me regarding my mum, and she also stated that she does not intend erupting another fight over my mum, that something bothers her and if its ok for her to share and ok by me, she'll go ahead, I responded telling her she should make sure what she wants to talk about is well refined and thought of well before she puts it through, because if its similar to the last time she put my mother on a lower level then I wont be happy. I guess she had to come here to spit it out since I didnt receive a response to my SMS.

Posters, many threads on Nairaland here at times arent backed with solid facts and story lines that will enable posters give accurate and most suitable advise needed, reason being 'for example' (my wife) if you follow her post well, you'll see she only responds to people that shares her views, simply because thats what she wants to hear, and believing that her inaccurate post must give her the best most reasonable response/advise she selfishly wants to see here.

The story goes like this, I am the last born of 4 children, 31 years of age, I am arguably the favourite of my mother, and please believe me when I say not because am the last born, but because out of the 4 of us, I am the only person that truly cares about my mother's wellbeing, financially, emotionally etc etc, the other's really do not care and its obvious, and my wife also know about this, shes here you guys can ask her.

I have a mother that is close to 70 years of age, but by her looks and activities you'll never notice, a mother that has not yet tasted the real care of her children, yet I am the only one filling this gap, a woman that was never married, but had 4 kids for two polygamists, a woman you'll surely know has never felt the juiciness of marital union, in other words, I became her husband, one who she looks up to in times of need, care and sought after in times of danger. Please pardon my expression, I am only trying to let you all know the situation, and with all said, its not like she is totally subjected to me of such that some people might be thinking, its just people that can look deeper into the eyes of their mind would understand what am trying to say.

Nairalander's I swear to God almighty that created heaven and earth, that if you guys truly see how things are going, you all including those supporting her post would declare that she should be laid on the floor and call on the IYA ALAGA (MC)of the engagement day to come and give her a whopping 12 strokes of the bulala for expressing frustration where it isnt existing and needed, this my wife should be happy she has a composed,humble and simple MIL, when it comes to me going against my mum if she does something mildly wrong, I am not seen as mummy's boy, but if it comes to expressing her frustration over nothing, I am seen as mummy's boy, this is just plainly ridiculous to my sensible understanding.

Another thing you guys need to understand, if it is to be taken that my mother is still into me, in which even if it is, its not to an exaggerated level, my wife and I got married just after two months of courting, simply because (you guys should know) although we actually had plans to get married a year and the half after, but due to circumstances beyond our control, we just had to do it sharply. My mother has only met my wife once before marriage plans began, and it will make it a year next month that we got married, and out of that 1 year, she had spent 6 months in the USA, so its more like we have only spent a solid 6 months together,and she expects my mother to vanish all of a sudden like that? Someone that never dreamt of me getting married last year when she knew I was planning to go for my professional course abroad, this my wife sef, I just tire for your matter, the kind woman wey fit you na Alhaja Barracks, woman we go give you fire wey your own water nor go fit quench, now my mama wey just dey calm wey nor give u wahala na hin you dey always like complain about over every little thing. This issue she's even complaining about is really disgusting, please nairalanders ask her that in the past 3 months, how many times has mumsy called in the middle of the night for me to read psalm 23, which is the only thing she ask me to read whenever she calls in the midnight, this woman has only called twice in this past 3 months to read that bible passage, infact it was my phone that she called, but simply because i was deep in sleep, i couldn’t pick, so i guess she was forced to call my wife and ask her to tell me what she intend saying.

From the day 1 of her threads on Nairaland regarding my mother, if you guys would run a poll as regards comments that were against her thread, and those that supported it, you all will see she has been expressing frustration that needs not be expressed @@@@@@@@@@@@allllllllll.

PS: And it isnt everyday that she calls 3 times, even if she does, she would call to ask how am doing, my wife and our daughter, and if y any chance she calls the second time, its probably to ask or tell me something, not related with my marriage,besides my mother knows how to manager her airtime, if she talks on the phone for the longest period of time, then she uses 3minutes, now wifey what are you jealous of?

The bolded is where the problem lies. You can't successfully play husband to your wife and mother. When you are wifeying your mother, your wife is unconsciously placed on hold and will resume being your wife when you are through with your mom. The role of a son is different from the role of a husband.

Wifey, put yourself in your hubby's shoes. I am sure you will not like to see your mom/dad neglected because you are now married.

Now you both have aired your grievances, I would advice hubby reads wife's post and note the areas of adjustment. The wife should also read the hubby's post and note the areas of adjustment. You and wifey should also put yourself in each other's shoes and imagine 'how would I feel if A does this to me?'. it would help a lot.

It's well with both of you

Ile, you are really a witchdoctor

slimyem: Hmmn...
.
Drama drama.

Real drama!

biolabee: Superb logic but let's take it one notch further

If the man does not love his wife as much but no abuse oo..
A bit indifferent and just sees her as a duty
What do you enjoin the wife to do? Not submit or work at it

This post is not to me but...

What would make a husband not love his wife? he is not ready to obey God (love his wife) but he wants his wife to obey?

On the flip side, what would make a woman marry a man that doesn't love her? Most times, a woman can tell a man doesn't genuinely love her. A pastor once said something: 'Whatever you do to enter a marriage is what you will use to sustain it.' A woman begs, cajoles, and washes her way into marriage, she should be ready to do so. it is very funny when women who did everything to become a Mrs now expects their husbands to suddenly love them and treat them right. That's why we begin to hear crazy advices of look sexy, make up, ignore him, endure, pray and fast, cook efo riro etc. to get the man to do what he ought to do. Women should realize that they CAN NEVER force a man to love them and once they miss it, they should be ready to endure till death/divorce do them part.

As for men, what would make a man marry a woman he doesn't love? Most times, they date women they can't marry and one thing forces them to marry the women. Well, since the man has made the choice, he MUST learn to love her unconditionally. A man that loves his wife small (whatever that means) will be very difficult to submit to. The woman should just ask the husband for his rules and post it by her bedside so that she doesn't step on his toes. The truth is that such a home will have serious issues hence the tales of woe we hear daily in the family section.

it's also a big fallacy to believe that every couple married because they loved either other and wearing sexy clothes would make the marriage fine again.

So to answer your question, the wife should learn to submit to her husband but she should know that it's not for her husband's love BUT for her master's approval.

andromida: Men and women are equal but have different roles to play. A woman cannot produce sperm and a man cannot get pregnant. The roles are complimentary. The commandment to love and submit is because God gets us more than we can even begin to think. It is easy for a woman to submit to a man that loves her because she knows he has her best interest at heart. Impossible for a woman to submit to a man she does not trust because she knows she is not safe anything can happen.

God bless you andromida!

Most times, I say that any man that has problem with his wife submitting should check himself. That's where the OP is getting it wrong. The wife submits to the hubby's love. That is the difference btw a child and a slave. A child already has the parents' love and obeys them to make them happy. A slave obeys his master to gain their approval.

Nice and enlightening.

Thank you

Loveaflame: My beloved people in Christ.Starting with the man is not the issue here.Whether I start from the man or woman does not matter.What matters is to learn and grow and make changes or adjustment.Women indirectly rule the world.Whatever a man is doing their is always a woman at the back of his mind.As per the questions,do well to read my post carefully.The questions are there.

Imagine talking salvation without starting with Jesus. Are men no longer the head of their own homes?

kodewrita: She's a single mother. Husband not alive. She's lonely.

That's why she should torment her son's marriage till he becomes a single husband. Does she not have friends? no church/mosque to be active in? no community development goal she can think of doing?

[quote author=Every_LadY]Hmmmmmmm!u are soooo full of forgiveness despite the wrongs done to u. urs is worthy of emulation.Rest in the bosom of the LORD, Yetunde.[/quote]If she was not full of forgiveness, it was at her own peril.

I guess this thread will teach us that the 'demonic' advise of 'face your kids, live for them etc and forget your husband' when the marriage is shaky doesn't work and cause a lot of problems in future.

Loveaflame: Those who are clamouring for me to talk on MEN AND MARRIAGE point noted.However am not bashing women rather encouraging them to play their roles well if you read my post well.Beside,you people did not try to answer my questions.Am strictly talking about the Christian home and I assume both couples are born again and fear God.I believe you read the part of the articles that says,"IF A WOMAN FULFILLS ALL RIGHTEOUSNESS AND THE MAN REFUSES TO CHANGE,GOD KNOWS HOW TO BREAK SUCH".As per writing on MEN AND MARRIAGE,I will do that.Let's still deal with this issue.If women can answer my questions their perceptions about marriage will change.

Nobody said you are bashing women or not. I was only predicting what the thread will degenerate to. As to what is in caps, it's actually the other way round. please note the quoted post below (esp the bolded):

andromida: Yes a biblical point of view requires a man to be very much part of his home with exemplary character. It does not start with the woman it starts with the man. Love your wives as Christ loved the church and we all know how much Christ loved the church, he washed feet and died for the church. Now that kind of love inspires total submission from the woman. Which woman does not want to be loved? and which man does not want to be respected. Before you get to the woman start with the head - The man. Am strictly talking about the christian home too.

What questions do you want us to answer?

Yes, It does