₦airaland Forum

obyrich: You will get your own husband soon. My prayer for you is that eligible bachelors should see the inner beauty in you which I have just sensed. I pray that God should weed out fake and deceitful people from your life. ADVICE: The man for you may not necessarily be tall, rich and handsome. May not be a superstar or celebrity. But surely he will be a man who will stop at nothing to ensure your happiness and respect your person. SURELY THE MAN WHO FINDS YOU IS BLESSED!

Very true

Royal Roy: Not at all. If I want to be happy, there are more ways to be happy than been confrontational, life is not about making trouble where simple reasoning & dialogue could be employed.
Ignoring people can also be a choice......u won't need to fight to be happy, trust me!!!

It's all good.

I try to avoid confrontations myself

Royal Roy: You used to be more reasonable than this!!!! What's happening to you in the past one week?
All your post beginning to come out as a frustrated someone these days!!!!
Even if its ur opinion, have u read it again to realise its not ideal in any way?
May God help you o!!!!

Your signature seems to conflict with your stand

#justsaying

@OP,

It is noble you opened this thread to address the issues we see in marriages today.

However, marriage involves two people and your topic should have been 'men, women and marriage' or something.

Women cannot 'solve' the martial problems, couples do because it takes two to tango. I can see you are coming from the Biblical stand point so it's better you quote what the Bible says about marriage to both parties so the thread would achieve the purpose I assume you want it to achieve else it will turn to another man/woman feminists/non-feminists, Nigerian woman bashing thread.

This is so sweet and sad

A marriage built on true love is so beautiful

chaircover: This topic is still alive

happiness and peaceful . . .2 different things but they go hand in hand and it goes both ways. There will be some things that wifey will do that hubby doesnt like, but to keep the peace, he will just go with it. In this last week I know of 2 thngs that my husband did just to please me, and I know that before the week runs out, there will be some things that I will do, just to keep the peace too.

Peace does eventually bring happiness and you cannot be happy if you dont have peace with your partner. she may refuse to kneel down and that will make her happy at that point, but as time goes on, because she lacks the peace, the happiness is going to disappear

I want us to move away picking on specific things like in this case kneeling down. why? because a lot of things make up marriages. Each new day brings about new challenges and situations. he may be bad in A but good in B and that evens things up.

There is no right or wrong way and each marriage is personal and different. I know that the thought of kneeling down to give food to ones husband is very foreign to some people, just as I had my mouth wide open when I was reading the "guys what do you do after work" thread and three quarters of the men said that they didn't go straight home to their families, but had drinks with their friends or stayed back to beat traffic etc. Im married to a man who 354 days of the year cones straight home to see his family, rain, shine, earthquake, traffic whatever, but who am I to condemn? it works for them.

I am married to a man, who when I travel, picks me up from the airport no matter what time my flight comes in, and he would have prepared a good meal and put it in a food flask for me to eat in the car on the way home, saying he knows airline food is crap and he knows I would have been too stressed to eat before flying. I will get home to a tidy house and cooked food. A selfless man who can take out his eye and give it to me, so if this kind of man wakes up one morning and says he wants me to kneel down and give him food, it will be no big deal. He has earned every respect and is fully qualified to be treated like a king and that he is, and this is why I always say that each relationship is different and the dynamics are different. People looking from the outside in, know nothing about how that marriage works.

I know that people will say that a good man will not want his wife to do anything that she doesn't want to do, but lets not forget that we are human and also that we all come from different backgrounds and have different ideas. I know that there are some things in our family that are foreign my husband and there are some things that he does and I just look at and say wow!! oga how come?

im sure Some people may look at my oga and say "I hope this woman hasnt given this man efo to eat, just as some people will look at me and call me ruth aboko ku, but our relationship is different from B's relationship just as C's relationship is different from B's. So Its not for anyone me included to judge anyone. I will def draw the line at physical, verbal and emotional abuse but other things they should try and reach a compromise on and get on with their marriage.

I agree fully with your post.

It's not always that peace translates to happiness. Some will never do.

However, there are some things that do not seemly add value to a relationship. Compromises should be to add value to the marriage. Sometimes, compromises are not palatable but you know it's for the greater good. When you think of what is achieved, it will later translate to happiness. If the husband said 'please wake up earlier to prepare food for me to work because the food at work is not good' type of stuff, I would advise the woman to compromise or talk over with the hubby. She might not enjoy it initially but when she thinks that the man will not be ill, will be more productive at work and at home, it will motivate her to compromise.

The issue is that of what benefit would the woman kneeling to serve him? Make the food sweeter? Make it digest faster? What is that benefit that is soooo important to him that he threatens her with divorce?

Like I said in an earlier post, the hubby should sell the kneeling to the wife and she might agree.

As you said, compromise goes both ways. Infact, she should tell him to prostrate after eating so as she's kneeling, he's prostrating.

How sweet.

pleep: Men and women are absolutely equal.

But if you think that is what feminism is about in 2013 you must live under a rock. Feminism is a victim-hood group. It uses fear and innacurate statistics to push a never ending oppression narrative that ends up hurting the people its supposed to protect.

This might surpprise you, but i am not opposed to the effects of feminism one bit... it doesnt affect me. My only issue is the false statistics and historical lies yall tell about the world.

This your post void of insults et al is very refreshing to the eye.

No group is perfect sha

take care

biolabee: used to watch it long ago.... she comes around... low key though

biolabee is married?

This is serious

fellis: Alright if you say so, I don't wanna get into a religious argument here.

No P

fellis: Good points.

Another thing we have to acknowledge is the fact that religious laws have a huge role to play in this issue of making women feel inferior. Where you have the bible and quran telling women to always submit to their husbands regardless of whether the husband is fit to be a good leader or not, you find the idea of male superiority becomes subconciously implanted in the mind of men (and women).
You cannot tell people to always play the submissive and obedient role and still expect that they will consider themselves equal to those they are submitting to and obeying.

Summary of my post is that religion placing men as the head of families in every single situation (whether he is retarded or wise) tends to make women think they are not as good as men. Fine I know there is no part of the bible where it is explicitly stated that men are superior to women but the mere fact that leadership position in the home is exclusively reserved for males is enough to make people think women are not good enough/as good as men/inferior to men.
This inferiority complex is what makes a lot of women laid back underacheivers who think they must depend on males for their existence to be complete.

As for the Bible, the problem is not the model; it's how men selfishly and women gullibly interpreted the model

pleep: im sorry you think u r inferior... have a nice cry about it

If you comprehended my post, you will note that I did not write that post from a personal POV

I thought feminism was about saying contrary to popular opinion, men and women are equal.

So what's your problem with feminism if you think men and women are equal?

[quote author=Sisi_Kill]Ah! Sister mine, the mistake you make is assuming Marriage is about TWO people's happiness. Once you get that it is only about one person (the husband) then you will stop asking logical questions like these.

Easy. https://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/65.gif[/quote]My sis, don't mind me o!

I keep forgetting that the woman dated herself, proposed to herself, said the vows to herself, built the home herself so why should the hubby lift any finger to make it work?

The same people that will say a wife marries into her hubby's family and has little or no right will be the same people to turn back to say she should slave to make a home that is 'not' hers work!

Sisi, scratch all I have typed.

Why should we really complain, is this how the man was brought up to be since he was a child? The man is only manifesting what has been planted inside of him.

I tire! We have the ability to turn something as beautiful as marriage to become an unpalatable compulsory chore.

Maybe that's why our society consciously and unconsciously discriminate against single women. they know deep down without the discrimination and demonic pressure, a lot of preys single ladies might not be interested in getting prisoned married

pleep: ^ for goodness sake just stop.

Stop whining, complaing and wallowing in eternal victimhood. Unless someone has erected a physical barrier to your success, you have no one to blame for your failure but yourself. The guys who bash women on the internet have a reason to do so... if you want to stop those men you would stop your behavior

No one just wakes up and starts bashing Nigerian women over-night.

Check yourselves and stop pushing the blame for every bad thing you do on someone else. I cant speak for Nigeria, but in America girls are encouraged to think they are more than equal to men. Just look at the commercials on TV, the female is smart the male is dumb.... There are a million scholarships grants and organizatons designed to make women succeed, and a million female role models to look up too.

And they still spew feminist nonsense

.... If after all that, you still believe you are inferior it is because you are.

I won't have bothered with your comment but note the bolded 'I can't speak for Nigeria...'

Since you acknowledged that you can't speak for Nigeria, don't attempt to and listen to the people speaking in Nigeria for Nigeria.

The last I remembered, the OP opened this post to 'whine' about feminists in the very first place. If women were not initially victimized, no measures would have been put in place to tackle it.

Black Kenichi: Yes it does mean something. She is the top dog of Australia. I wonder what held her back to get the position?

You are right. Dangote, the 21st richest man is a Nigerian. I wonder what holds the average Nigerian from buying a Rolls Royce?

Like I said in a much earlier post, the discrimination is physical except in extreme cases. It's subtle, messing with the minds of women and making them believe they are inferior and lower than men. The feminists have been able to achieve equalizing most of the physical barriers put up by men. The mantle is now on parents, leaders esp spiritual to challenge and encourage the female child. A girl who believes she is inferior to a man or only made for marriage cannot do anything productive with her mind. She cannot even choose the right husband because she feels she's inferior. She in turn will train the girls unfortunate enough to be her daughters to also lack self esteem.

Read the romance section and look around you in the real world. The inferiority complex speaks volumes daily; how relationships function etc.

The reason some women seem bitter is because they are treated like inferiors. Imagine when you where in secondary school, how did you feel towards your seniors esp when they were mean and rubbed it in your face at every instance that 'they were your seniors? they could do anything and get away with it?' the same here applies but is worse because there is no end date. You know one day, you will 'be a senior' and look forward to that day. You try to endure because it is for 4, 5years max. What day does a woman discriminated against look forward to? The day she dies? becomes a man?

Let everyone adopt the golden rule: 'DO unto others as you want others to do unto you'

If you know that this action will hurt me if a person (Male/female) does it, don't do it because it WILL hurt the person you are doing it to.

It is well

Ok, I read the full story and you almost put me in trouble.

My boss is asking me why I am smiling and I have a give an answer

This is very good!

yuzedo: LOL!

I had almost chopped the man's seemingly intelligent and calm rejoinder when i read the wife's disclaimer as posted by Stella Dimokorkus-sometin. Why the discrepancy in accounts?

Tade: Iron-wrought gate injured my wife.
Yewande: I had accident in my Honda.

Carry on, lads. Ain' none of my bidnezz anyways....

As in, I actually believed the man until I read the wife's account. If the wife did not say anything, I would have fully believed the hubby.

aysometin: Easy for you to say when your details are not all over social media and you have kids that can access such info.

Do you think the kids do not know what is going on if anything is indeed going on?

chiteny: The marriage would be peaceful as we both agree. The wife may not buy the idea now, but over time she will get be happy in her marriage (and not regret it) after she has acquiesced to the request of "Oga" and "Oga" has turned away from initiating a separation and has started showing her the usual unreserved affection. Later she could talk to him about it in more relaxed atmosphere if she does not still like the idea, stating gently her cons.

No one is in bondage my dear. Its marriage. "Oga" was brought up seeing that act as the way of life (all through his life). It will not take "by fire by force" to change his orientation. This is what many fail to see.

Please understand that i am not siding "Oga" as i am male. I don't even subscribe to anyone kneeling for me. But always know that no two marriages are the same whether stone age or "flying saucer" age.

OP, its your choice. If you go ahead to use "by fire by force" and "21st century ideology" on a "stone age mentality" and it works for you, God bless you. I am just airing my view on your distress to bring good solution.

What is peace without happiness esp in marriage? If she's having problems at work, she can brush it off and look forward to going home to her hubby. Now it is the hubby that is tormenting her. The poster didn't specify is they hubby told her b/4 marriage or if he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day. How can he even say kneel or divorce? like seriously?

I like you said that it is marriage ad not bondage. That means that the couple would come together and decide what works for them, not so? Did the hubby consult the wife before telling her to kneel down? Just waking up one morning and telling her kneel or divorce is tantamount to bondage.

Tell me, do you really think she can leave her hubby on the ground of kneeling or no?

You know she can't, therefore, she is in bondage.

aysometin: Honestly, this Stella Dimokosus lady or whatever she is called really needs to take several seats back. What is her plan by the way? To destroy celebrity marriages? First it was Mercy Aigbe, then this. What is your business na? After reporting such damaging story, do you think such families can be the same again? Honestly, she disgusts me and to think she has several followers that support her style is highly disgusting. MARRIAGE IS SACRED please and who has appointed you judge to decide what is good for the goose or gander? Her style can cause people to commit suicide and to think half of the time its always lies makes it even more appalling.

Mercy Aigbe and her husband are still together, Tade Ogidan and his wife will stay together. Who is the loser YOU and the bunch of fools that come and gossip to you. GET A LIFE MATE.

You should take a chill pill.

If she did not see anything, she will not say anything
If her allegations are false, it would not affect the family in anyway as people would always talk.

No need to fret, the couple have come to tell us the true 'versions' of what happened and they will remain together forever.

[quote author=~Bluetooth]That is how reasonable couples should sort their differences instead of washing their dirty linen in the public.Well she wants to save her marriage from imminent collapse and whether her alibi is false or genuine,that doesn't really matter anymore.

Even inside the mouth,the teeth and the tongue fight themselves. [/quote]I would agree with you if both of them came out with bruises and cuts

I don't understand the 'wanting to save her marriage part' with the tales they are both telling. If she wants to 'save' her marriage and they have problems, they should go to trusted counselors or avoid the trigger if it's a one off thing. It's better than all the tales they are deceiving themselves it. Now, they have made it obvious they are lying about the injury.

chiteny: No two marriages are the same. Because you or your friends don't do it does not mean it is the standard for all marriages.

Good a thing you are married. Put yourself in the OP's shoes before answering the question below or give further advice:

If your husband requires the same from you will you ignore him and choose to rather end the marriage or will you acquiesce to his request and have a peaceful and happy marriage?

If the wife kneels for the hubby against her wish, the home might be 'peaceful' but it can never be happy. What husband is requiring something the wife doesn't like? Does the hubby put her feelings into consideration or does he think he's still in dating stage where people do all sort of 'testing'? How would a hubby spring up such an idea? What does it benefit him?

If the husband is so desperate to be kneeled for, he should sell the idea to wifey and not force her. Tell her what the kneeling would do for their home, how it would improve their relationship etc. When the wifey sees the light, she would kneel with joy

It's things like this that make a lot of women think marriage is a bondage

Black Kenichi: SMH!
https://sphotos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/1012737_138374089695299_1837656218_n.png

Lol!

It's like a Ghanaian saying 'All Nigerians are rich because Dangote is rich'

That a woman was the PM of Australia doesn't mean a thing.

deols: you too
and what's your thought on the illusion?

They are cool!

I really like mind games like this

SpicyMimi: I know too much of anything is bad, and ve also accepted that wearing of Trousers is an abomination to God.
But i really need the pastors in the house to address this issue concerning Make-ups! All i want here is the truth about it, i dont care how bitter it might sound to me...am ready to accept the truth.
Is the Bible against too much of wearing of Make-ups?
What about when the Make-up is just little and mild? Is it still a sin?
Or is it better not to wear one at all?
And 2ndly, do u think fixing of attachements is a sin too? Cause honestly i have a scanty long hair, and it usually looks unkempt when am without weavon or attachements.

Please i need answers.

Dear OP,

Remember that salvation is personal and a relationship with God.
God told me not to put on trousers anymore in a dream. If it's general or specific to me, I truly can't say but I am learning to still look good in skirts (it's not easy o!). I really have not seen anywhere in the Bible that talks against trousers sha.

AS for the make up/extension stuff, I believe it's also personal. There is no Bible verse I can genuinely say discourages make up in totality. Excess, yes because as Christians, we are to do everything in moderation but outright makeup, I don't know.

it is best you pray to God to let you know if He wants you to use make ups/ hair extensions or not.

God bless

Hi OP,

Why are you trying to prove Mohammed was mentioned in the Bible? the 'corrupt' version? How do you know that the parts you are quoting are not equally corrupt?

Ok, do you believe the whole Bible or only the parts that 'points' to Mohammed?

The Lord will continue to strengthen you and take care of your babies

[quote author=I'm stin]A professional fisherman caught 30 fish during a 5-day tournament. Each day, he caught three more fish than the day before. How many fish did the fisherman catch on the first day?[/quote]18

jamex93: If you take your age and multiple it by 7, then multiply it by1,443, the product repeats your age 3 times

True

deols: the one I didnt get immediately is the liar.

I saw your post but couldn't reply bços the thread was locked/hidden

It's all good sha.

Take care

biolabee: au contraire.. women are free to do what they want
what i have always said is Marriage Is Not By Force....

Oh, I see

[quote author=Texas.Cowgirl]Seriously, I could care less about this feminism and gender sexist bullshoit as long as no one tries to inhibit my rights, freedom and pursuit of SUCCESS just because of the gender I CHOSE to accept.[/quote]Lol! @bolded

Accept from whom?

CohenJane: My Dad is late; I buried him by my own hand, put him the grave myself, I never cried because I needed to be strong for my siblings.

I'm missing my dad every second of my life, I miss him the more when I was returning from camp with my NYSC Kaki. How glad would he have been? In his voice, he would have exclaimed: "Ha! Adewale, I'm so proud of you, I'm so happy!

Happy Fathers Day to all whose father is still around; please share some joyful moment with him.

Tears/emotions doesn't make you a weakling.

condolences for your loss