₦airaland Forum

dayokanu: How do you know from whats posted here that its not the wife who threw the first blow at the sister?

Not every family are millionaires, maybe the Husband sef was raised with community money and he has the obligation to give back to his family

How do you know the man working in Shell now didnt go to school as a result of that sister working as a housegirl for someone

So the sister and family who now slaved to make him the man he is that you wanted and desired to marry should now be beaten?

Let's assume the whole family sold pepper under the bridge to train the man
..

Does that give them the right to ruin his life?

Let's be sincere, if it was the daughter the whole village trained, will the sister ruin her elder sister's home because of that?

If not lack of respect, what will lead to getting physical in the first place?

Let's say gbege happens and my SIL slaps me, them never born me well to slap her back. My extended family will tear me into pieces.

webcam: @poster same thing happen to me here too all i do is that i told the two party to manage there self one person wrong doing is for the two of them...sometime my wife will scatter the house i will call the two of them together and abused them as one if my sister do wrong stuff i do call the two of them and abused them as one but now they have close than me and my wife ..i dont allow any of them to tell me any stories about each other.....at this stage i will advice the man of the house to ask the two of them to settle or send both out of the house when they settle they should come back together.....@poster i will point 75% blame on ur wife while 25% on ur sister.....ur wife should be able to manage ur sister while ur sister should be able to manage ur wife too....personally if my wife move out of the house all because of fight btw she and my sister that is final btw me and she

Interesting!

Your wife and sister are now on the same level. You took your sister to the altar abi?

Vikin: I notice most women who claim....this is my husbands house..blah blah blah are majority don't have anything to contribute except siddon put looking for whom to control and run over in hubby house ..

That's my observation anyway, they usually see, getting married as means to being the CEO of the house. If she was busy with herself I don't think she will even encounter such from the hubby's sister.

Let her get busy and see if she can contribute in raising money for the squatee and then have her freedom. After all, she saw the sister in the house before she came.

This is where we all miss it...

Getting married to their husband automatically makes them the queen of their home.

A wife is not a guest or visitor to the husband or in her home. It doesn't matter if the sister has spent 100years with her brother, it's not her home. If the wife doesn't do CEO in her home, where will she do it?

The sister is the visitor and has to get her acts together. If I visit my cousin and his wife says don't cough in the sitting room, it's either I hold my cough or disappear; the queen has spoken.

If she wants to brag, she should go back to her parents home and claim right afteral, she is not an orphan.

diarra94: Seems she was tired of the r/ship before the incidence. Smooth way to get freedom

Hello?

A b/f cheating is NOT enough reason to be tired?

Dear OP,

I believe such issues come up because
1. Most wives are treated/seen like visitors/guests. As we yorubas' put it, matrimonial home is called 'Ile oko' which absolutely makes no sense or has no basis in the Bible when marriage was established. A wife doesn't come to join the hubby and family, they both leave their respective families and cleave and 'form' a new, different family.

A wife is the queen/mistress of her home as the husband is the king/master and she co - rules with her husband. They both decide what happens in 'their' home. It doesn't matter what was obtainable before. A new queen/king has arrived and all other people MUST conform to their will.

That been said, your wife did not try at all. If she knew her position, it's your foolish sister's bags that will be outside. How can a queen leave her palace for a mere subject? I say foolish because only a foolish person will let her brother's home be ruined because of her. She should even be the go between when you guys quarrel and ensure there is peace on her watch. I am sure your wife is very cool else your sister will not even look her in the eye how much more engage in fist fight. Do you know what your sister is saying? that you don't deserve her respect; that you are not capable of making the right decisions or how else do you explain it?

You on the other hand is here whining that wife versus sister: Thank God you have some sense to put wife first. To do a standard comparism, use the following parameters:

Who is better in bed;
Who has the finer kids;
Who cooks better;
Who is better in child care;
Who assists financially, morally, spiritually etc;
Who supports you more etc.

Come back with your answers and let we the nairaland incorruptible judges decide for you!

Don't go back and beg your wife and kids and assure them that you will become a husband and father for them. Don't also warn that your chicken - legged sister sternly to know her boundaries and remember that she is just a guest no matter who long she has stayed with you.

Let me come back here later and not see that you are giving testimonies of how many rounds you have done!

Toks2008: Honestly i am freaking out.

Ok let me introduce another angle to the whole story.

When she was 19, she got pregnant for me and i carelessly allowed her to abort the baby with serious convincing from her older sister claiming she doesn't want her to pass through what she sis passing through cos she was also put in the family way by a man who later left her and this disturbed her education.

Though i objected but she insisted so i foolishly allowed that to happen.

I take responsibility though but believe me, ever since then she has not been able to conceive and i personally decided not to try any other lady out but to settle for IVF at worst which cost almost 800k but we decided to still linger a bit and try for a year and see.

Maybe this is also part of the reasons for her present misbehavior, i don't know.

But one fact i cant come to terms with is that if she has truly slept with someone else, it will be difficult to get her back into my life especially when-she is not even showing any form of willingness to retrace her steps.

This is really twisted!

Are you sure she's not punishing you for that?

Pray to God for forgiveness and healing. There is nothing He cannot do

Toks2008: Honestly you just wrote out my mind and im tripping that this is coming from a lady..

This is the reason why i have remained so faithful for years even till now and i have no need to lie as no one will hold me to ransom.

I am also a very attractive young man and also get passes from ladies too but as i wrote, the fear of GOD in me is so so strong that even i marvel so i expect same from her.

At a point before she eventually left, she said so many funny things that i should allow her keep her friends if i really want to make her happy that she sees nothing wrong as long as she keeps her discipline.

Now she came visiting last two weeks claiming she wants to pick some stuffs cos all her stuffs are still in my house.

So i asked her if she is really interested in coming back and she said i have actually pushed her to sleeping with another man.

That nailed it and i decided i will let go of her for good though she has a way of wanting to purposely hurt me with words to make me feel bad about calling her names and hitting her on the leg which happens to be the first time in 12yrs but i have apologized for that many times.

i told her that even if she was trying to pull my legs that she has passed the boundary as such thing shouldn't be joked with.

Right now i don't know what she is really up to whether she is coming back or not, she has left all her stuffs with me, refused to initiate divorce process and is not showing any green light she wants to come back thereby making things so so difficult for me.

I wonder what came over her, she has been the sweetest and the most decent lady i have ever come across but at the moment i dont know what to think anymore and i fear i may end up committing adultery cos the passion is so so high.

Anyways im sorry loretta, im done but i will not initiate divorce. If GOD gives me another lady that will take me out of this crazy nightmare i will be so glad. Just hate the idea of wooing ladies around town.

Thanks a lot.

Sorry, but He won't and never will

Bite me!

Toks2008: Thanks for this great advice.

Honestly i love her no doubt yet i can't be a push over. The only saving grace she has is because i fear GOD and abhor sin like shit hence with all these luscious billions of ladies out there, she dares not try leaving her home for even one month let alone over 4 months and still counting.

The Bible has vindicated me anyway

1 Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbelieving partner [actually] leaves, let him do so; in such [cases the remaining] brother or sister is not morally bound. But God has called us to peace.

I cant wait forever. Who knows whether she is already having her fill with someone else. As for me, i will get myself a sweet young lady. I cant wait any longer.

Hi Toks,

Don't mind alutacontiuna trying to pour sand into our love garri

You are a christian, fine. Pray to God about it. I understand that it's not easy but just pray and listen to what He's saying. Also try to see where you went wrong (If you did) because i believe that something triggered this her behaviour except you are telling me she hsa been doing all these for a long while and you just caught her.

Like I said to an earlier thread, you can't say you will get a young lucious woman because your wife left home for four months. (Some men leave for years and the women keep praying for them to come back home. Remeber that salvation is a personal thing and God will not listen that you erred because your wife left you

God be with you and restore your home.

alutacontinua: I'm not a bro. People should stop taking my username to automatically mean a 'bro'. For God's sake, there's a 'f' in front of the username.


Back to point, nawa for ur issue ooooo...but don't you think you're taking it too far? For God's sake, the man was hitting on her, not the other way round. A discussion could have been waaayyyy easier than allowing your anger take a hold of you. See what the anger has caused you now...Anyways, you didn't ask for an advice but I think you should sort things out. But stop using that your anger to make comments on Nairaland. I can now understand why you were really attacking bukatyne.

If i catch you eh!

barcanista: those psychos will be resisted in Nigeria and by ANY MEANS. the 14 years jail term is JUST too light, its time concerned nigerians sponsor a bill to NASS to review the punishment and make it DEATH SENTENCE. On my own part, I will mobilize to vest jungle justice- I mean death to any person or persons that is practicing of advocating for homosexuality openly in MY AREA. The sanctity of marriage shall be protected in Nigeria. Gay/lesbians are free to relocate abroad or do their thing in closet, otherwise, they'll end up doing it in HELL

Ok.

Are you saying that homosexuality is the worst sin/crime?

France should be mourning and not celebrating. There is nothing to celebrate.

barcanista: arrant nonesense. Rubbish, i don't care if those homo wed in France or Hell, all i know is that it will NEVER happen in Nigeria. As a matter of fact, i'll personally mobilize people to Beat and KILL the living day out of anybody that openly practice or advocate for gayism/lesbianism right.

Why?

causewahala: The two bolded quotes contradicts, no?
My dear, several things are being scanned in a guy's brain while you're busy planning a blissful ever after weddding(life).

1) Financial status: don't know his, but if he's yet to accomplish certain goals or yet to attain that financial comforts he feels he needs, he'll react by going into unpredictable moods where everything simply pisses him off, guys don't mood swing for no reason, something triggers it!

2) You: You weren't expecting that were you? Of-course you affect him. You not picking his call is simply a tip of the iceberg, that guy never tell you wetin dey hin mind. Although, considering the fact that you're engaged (which is a big step), I'd expect him to be more forthcoming with his concerns, however, u'll just have to keep unravelling this mystery till you get to know him better!

Things you've never considered might be @ play here. How comffy is he with ur male friends? Is he the jealous type? Does he want constant attention, even if he doesn't say it out?

Also turn to God! Infact lemmie introduce you to my good friend, bukatyne! She sabi Bible verses wella!

@ bukatyne, how na? Saw ur post! All I did was hazard a guess. If I'm right, you help her to help him!

Lol! Causewahala, I yam at work o!

I actually wanted to add the Bible ref in my post

What do you expect, I am a Bible teacher na! Silver nor gold, I have not but what I have, I give freely unto thee...

This man's heart is filled with darkness. He's desperately wicked.

causewahala: Good morning all! Passion hw ur weekend? Luta, howdy!

@ itsgood: If my guess is right, ur boify has an ego the size of mount everest if not bigger! He's the type that won't tell you what you've done and yet purnish you. Very vindictive and not one you'd wanno offend.

He however has his good sides, he'll do anything for you so long as he feels the feeling's mutual, he's the type that values trust a lot. Believe it or not he feels vulnerable as well and overly sensitive!

Here's the solution, when he's really happy you'd know cos he won't hold back on his feelings, he'll share thoughts and plans with you! Seek that moment to ask him what you do wrong that he doesn't like. . . you'll have your answers!

Enjoy your man!

That's not a characteristics of a man who loves his woman (biblical)

Hi causewahala and everyone

grandlexuz: You have a good point, but the issue was not about God forgiving the sin. It is more about how society looks at it. Our African society. If you are an exception, believe me most married woman will readily forgive their adulterous husband with something as small as a new dress. Thankfully you appreciate the differences in man and woman. Did you know a man could get sexually arouse just by listening to the voice of a woman in the next room. Believe it or not most cheating men still adore and worship their wives. On the other hand when a woman starts cheating you risk having the bile of a python for breakfast..lol

Dear,

Except adore and worship has taken new meanings, please don't put them in the same sentence with an adulterous husband.

googlepikin: your name have similarity with boko time , as a girl i hope you do cover your whole body and face with wrapper 24/7.

So once I don't expose my bosoms, I am covering my whole body and face with wrapper?

Would you allow your girlfriend/wife/daughter/sister dress like this?

Oh la la, I am indecencyharam

obyrich: Please, if I may ask, what is the acceptable reason for divorce stated by Christ?

Fornication which according to some school of thought is not even possible in marriage

God hates divorce very much

[quote author=Unimke_Ak]NEVER !!!!!!!!!!!
Why should A married woman cheat, it is not our culture.

Also I think a child can live with and come to terms with the fact that his father sleeps around but for a woman the child won't be able to handle it, as our igbo brothers would say "MBANOR" "NOO".[/quote]So it is our culture for married men to cheat?

What a culture!

obadiah777: DONT NOBODY WANT NO SASSY WOMAN LIKE BUKATYNE. WHAT KINDA NAME IS DAT ANYWAY ? DO YOU RUN A BUKA ?

And who told you I care what you want or don't want?

If I pass you in Balogun market, I wouldn't know you so why should I care?

Like seriously?

As for my username, I run a buka

oyin50: sleep around if u will, no one cares. It's ur elasticity maam.

Just when I thought it was cool

The post below refers...

bukatyne: If you do not understand English, don't quote me.

Where in this six paged thread did I condone infidelity or advocate it?

oyin50: my sister he is saying the truth now. There are 3 reasons a married will cheat and they all involve her heart. 1. Nymphomania(self gratification) sexual greed and dissatisfaction.
2. Materialism, lust or vain pursuits
3. Total loss of love, affection or emotion for spouse.
Tnk u ma

Oya answer the question below:

dealslip: Madam can i ask a question. is it ok for men to cheat since the sancity of upholding marriage appears to be the sole duty of women. A straight yes or no will be perfect.

Sweetapple007: Nigerian women re beautiful!

excuse me

If anything, those pictures showed the ugliness of Nigerian women!

hardbody: Must the man be on top of her? Does it matter who is on top and who is below or the style and position you caught her on?. If the position does not matter then it adds nothing to the question. To the answer, forgiveness is a prerogative of the hurt party, to forgive or not to forgive will depend on what the man feels and this could also be further dependent on what he expects and the possibility of a repeat. I am aware however that the law and the holy book allows a hurt party to sue for a divorce on grounds of adultery. However, the hurt party should know that once he resumes knacking the adulteress, even if it is only once, he has waived his right to divorce on grounds of adultery.

I think i will forgive an adulterous wife. I will rationalize that there is something i have not done right which might have led her into it, we will work together towards resolving and ensuring it does not happen again.

I pray such is never happen to you. It's very painful and really the end of the sacred relationship called marriage.

None. Can't they dress beautifully without exposing their body?

oyin50: madam you are a woman like i am. Pls for the love of God stop this advocation for immorality. It is wrong period!!!!!

If you do not understand English, don't quote me.

Where in this six paged thread did I condone infidelity or advocate it?

oyin50: I'd confidently beg my husband not to forgive me for deliberately and cleverly opening my legs for another man. Haba let us have conscience now does it not even irritate you as a woman.

Look, we do not care about the discourse your have with your hubby.

It's women like you who give men the confidence to sleep about.

Toks2008: It seems you can't draw a line between objectivity and dogmatism.

If it will make you feel ok then i am a PAGAN.

Oh really?

You are a Christian and you talk of tormenting your wife bla bla. I am not saying it is easy to forgive people or offend us but that is why we are different.

Some people have deliberately hurt me but I have realized I must forgive and not harbor hatred or bitterness if I want God to forgive and listen to me. I have prayed, cried etc. to God to help me forgive them. God has a standard. If I died without forgiving, I am going to hell. Those people can look at my corpse and decide to repent. Who is the loser?

Decryptor: Ok...meaning it's cool for a woman to commit adultery right?

Where did I say it is cool for a woman to commit adultery? What is cool about breaking one's martial vows and ruining ones marriage to both men and women?

I was referring to those men and women who are twisting the Bible to suit their prejudice.

It's like saying the Bible is silent on cigarettes therefore it is not wrong or because Jacob cheated Esau and God still regarded it, there is nothing wrong with cheating.

alutacontinua: Nobody is deceiving me. I'm loving the topic because it makes me see how some men really think.

Lol! It's really eye opening