₦airaland Forum

Ayee Idris: I remember reading the story. Now if I was a marriage counsellor which I am not, I would deal with the couple seperately. I would first hold sessions with the man. Try and find out what is attracting him to the other woman. Is it the sex? Is it that she is very easy to confide in? Does she have certain attributes that his wife lacks? There must be some hold that binds them together and when the hold is discovered, then breaking it would be doable. Does he genuinely want to stay with his wife or is he holding on for the kids? That answer would determine what step to take, cos love can be rekindled, if the counselor understands the couple and puts them through the right series of test. As for the wife, the trust has been broken. Is the love still the same? Is it possible that she is hard to share things with? Does she make him constantly feel guilty for his past deed. Is she staying cos she wants to make it work or because she has to. Did she miss the signs? Was it an affair turned to love? Women tend to focus more on kids then the hubby. Maybe she neglected him emotionally. After getting to the very root, i will then have joint couple sessions, where I would have the couple genuinely speak their minds without repercussion. For a marriage to heal, both parties must make d effort. The husband needs to break off all contact for real and start romancing the wife like when they were dating. The lady needs to forget or act like she has forgotten the affair and act like a young couple in love. This is not fool proof and I don't even know d first course for marriage counselling classes. Na just sense I dey use answer.

biolabee: go to the thread and copy from the address bar
Here the title is https://www.nairaland.com/1318779/husband-love-another-woman

biolabee: You put the link in the url hypertext
See below


i replaced 'l' with 'd'.

bukatyne: i do. spiritually, God is literally my Heavenly Father how my biological father is my earthly father. there is d physical and the spiritual.

bukatyne: i do. spiritually, God is literally my Heavenly Father how my biological father is my earthly father. there is d physical and the spiritual.

LagosShia: I think that contradictory.if God is your "heavenly father" then that is and must be figurative.if your dad,the husband of your mom is accepted by you to be your biological father,then that is literal.you cannot have two fathers literally or else you'd be addressed with the offensive "B" word.so let's mind our utterances and the implications.

biolabee: I think you mean My Hubby Is In Love With Another woman

@AyeeIdris.. what do you think

causewahala: Baba oyo reality series!

Meddler: Now that makes sense. I truly believe in oneness. I'm never going to completely agree with my husband and vice-versa but I do believe we have that responsibility of working together to reach a consensus. I've noticed that Nigerian men (not all) tend to equate submission to "slavery". Now before u start screaming bloody murder let me explain what i mean by "slavery". The fact that you both leave under the same roof and one spouse is left to handle everything in a house while the other one wakes up and does nothing to assist. For example, both husband and wife are employed and work equal amount of hours but only the wife is relegated to take care of all the house chores, cooking, getting the kids ready to work etc. Now I'm not saying the woman should start slacking because she's working but would be so hard for the guy to chip in too. Is that asking for too much?

cursor system: You have done a mistake by searching your husband phone. The result is always distraction, mind unrest and lack of commitment. Therefore, always try to be focused on how you can make your wedding to be successful.
I will not advise you to give your husband a space by doing so, you are already a failure in your marriage. What do you know the other man you want to go to will do. All men are the same. The rule of the game is ALWAYS IGNORE WHAT CAN CAUSE MARRIAGE FAILURE.

ileobatojo: Nothing strange about it at all. It's the ideal thing approach when one's child starts dating. Same way you want to get to know their friends, you also want to get to know their boyfriends/girlfriends. This is a great model for what to do in the 'sad' event of a 17yr old daughter that starts dating.

MMotimo: Excellent post! So many sentences deserve to be bolded.

A good marriage starts from courtship. It will not prevent every troubled union but would significantly reduce the number of troubled ones that exist

Nashville: In my opinion the most important part of marriage counseling should be done before marriage. Most people see marriage as a destination and not as the beginning of a journey. I have read the responses so far and some seem to suggest that the man is usually the cause of marriage troubles. Unfortunately you are not being truthful. Some of you have suggested lots of Nigerian women endure bad marriages and they are forced to stay in it. The very truth is that if most of those women were to be truthful they will also blame themselves. I will give some free marriage counseling. You first of all need to understand that marriage is not luck neither is it chance. Several people have good marriages and those that have bad marriages should try to learn a few things. The most important part of marriage counseling is marrying the right person and I will give our ladies some advice.
Nigerian girls need to know that you should not marry a man just because he has money. I understand the current economic hardships but please our ladies should understand that money is not happiness.
Nigerian girls need to understand that you cannot trap a man with a pregnancy. Even if he is forced to marry you, he may never love you.
Nigerian girls need to stop putting pressure on themselves to get married. Some will give a deadline of 30, some 35 and at that age they are ready to marry just anybody.
Nigerian girls need to know that a guy cheating or beating you before marriage will not change after marriage. A bad relationship should never end in marriage. If he is abusive or adulterous, just run away.
Nigerian girls should give themselves some self worth. People will treat you the way you treat yourself.
Nigerian girls need to know that there are good and bad men out there. It is their own responsibility to decipher which is good and bad and hopefully marry a good guy. Not all men are the same, there are plenty of good husband materials out there. If a girl ends up marrying an alcoholic, adulterous and abusive man, she definitely has herself to blame. It is not luck!

That is where marriage counseling starts. Its starts from upbringing. Don't blame religion or pastors. Each individual is responsible for their own actions or inactions. We also need to develop laws that protect the institution called marriage and also each individual in the marriage.

toshmann: Lol
Somebody somewhere is making money. But I give it to Nigeria, marriage works better in Nigeria than here. My dear marriage here na nonsense.

toshmann: And so she should remain unhappy for the rest of her miserable life?
This is the 21st century for crying out loud. I'm a man, if I don't like a girl, nothing she does can change that. I may like her actions, wish her the best, but if I don't have good emotional connection with her nothing can change that. If she fights to keep me, it's a lost battle I'll even be more scared she may get frustrated and poison me so no one will have me I she doesn't have me



What about her happiness?
What about her dignity?
What about her emotional and sensual needs?
What about HER?
Abi no be God create am?

toshmann: And so she should remain unhappy for the rest of her miserable life?
This is the 21st century for crying out loud. I'm a man, if I don't like a girl, nothing she does can change that. I may like her actions, wish her the best, but if I don't have good emotional connection with her nothing can change that. If she fights to keep me, it's a lost battle I'll even be more scared she may get frustrated and poison me so no one will have me I she doesn't have me



What about her happiness?
What about her dignity?
What about her emotional and sensual needs?
What about HER?
Abi no be God create am?

toshmann: Bible get nigeria edition ?

toshmann: Marriage is NOT by force. If she fights for him when he doesn't care about her what does it make of her?

She's human for crissake, have some esteem and more importantly if you like fight like Hercules, if he don't want you, he won't give a damn and then you look like some wretched desperado that no one wants.

jennykadry: I still don't understand why people think, its okay being the abused or the abusee.......if people don't say no to this, it's just going to get worse.

May devil shait on the bald head of anybody that will try this nonsense on my children.... I will send back to their father the devil.

Jonwesley: culled from MSN News!
Don’t you hate it when you meet the man of your dreams, only to realize he’s your crazy, stalker ex-husband?

An unidentified Minnesota woman met a nice man through an online dating site, and the two eventually established a relationship. The couple began communicating extensively, and she felt comfortable sharing intimate details about her personal life.

His name was Aaron Carpenter, and the woman opened up to him about her issues with her ex-husband. She and her ex had an ugly split in 2011 and were involved in an ongoing custody battle, she confided to Carpenter.

Turns out, Aaron Carpenter was really Brian Matthew Cornelius, the woman’s ex. Yep, Cornelius catfished his ex-wife, creating a false online identity. He now faces stalking charges and is set to appear in court next month

Witty07: Please, the Bible is not a piece of literature. There is a link between everything, you don't qoute a part without reference to others. what God said in Nbrs 30:1-16 is it a curse. Why are men not shouting up and down that they are cursed abi. please leave this curse of a thing. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow till world never end. He does not change. The whole structure has been built in the old testament and the coming of Jesus Christ was to redeem us and shed light on how to live right with God according to the already created laws in order for everyone of us to make heaven. Now let me reference you to the relationship between parents and children. In the OT. The holy book says in Matthew 15: 17 - 19. that no single i or the dot will by no means pass away. Please it is written in that with all thy getting get understanding Matt 4:7

yellowpawpaw: Yes quite a good number of ladies do that for security purpose.ex boyfriends and toasters might still not get it that u r married so to be on d safe side u gat to switch line.
There may be ur friends(general) u hv to ditch cos it might not be healthy for u communicatin with them.to some its a new life,old things hv passed away.
Although one can bar d numbers but to be on d safe side and dependin on ur type of husband,u don't want to take chances

Valeree: So sad dear, I think I can relate with ur pain. my boyfriend of 2years is currently doing thesame to me now for d past 3 months, with a girl that is seriously engaged to be married, once I found some messages were the girls fiancee was verbally abusing and threatening my boyfriend and my boyfriend was also threatening him back can u imagine, I felt so shattered, and pained and I know how it really hurts watching someone u love gradually slipping away.
I have talked with him and he said he wil stop but still keeping in touch with her, cos he wil be up all nite chatting, always clutching his fone even in d toilet and gets angry over every little thin.
I'm learning to give him space and hope and pray that all will be well soon.

biolabee: good to know we are all on the same page..

Adolescents will always want to explore each others bodies.., that is the sad truth

Game of Thrones is the bomb,..i am on episode 5 here on a rainy Sunday afternoon

Adios.. nice jaw jawing once again

bellong: The point Buka and Ile have been making is "train up a child in the way HE/SHE SHOULD go, when he is old, he will not depart from it". The onus lies on every parent to teach their children either male/female moral values and encourage them to hold on to such in all their dealings including dating.

However, the point we need to understand is that not every dating/relationship is about sex. Hence, the encouragement given to Baba Oyo to get closer to his boy with a view to defining his expectation from a relationship which should not be sex.

biolabee: buka.. tired?...au contraire.. im having fun streaming my Game of Thrones..are u a fan
I told u all are equal but the consequences of immorality are more on females... why dont u want to accept that