₦airaland Forum

MRbrownJAY: @OP
you have to make up your mind ONCE AND FOR ALL about what you (women) want. when we go on dates and its time to pay the bill, aint you happy that it is a man's world?! if you want equality then REACH FOR YOUR POCKET like we (men) do when the waiter brings the bill, haba!

yes it is a man's world, and there is nothing any woman can do about it. some women may say that they want to do it on their own without a man, be independent and shiit, but the sad fact is the salary they would probably get is much less than what a man would get doing that exact same job.

also, in many r/ships, because women are dependant of men, the minute they have a baby they decide to stay home (and become homemakers). aint you happy that since there is NO EQUALITY, men MUST go and provide for their family (and not the way around)? would you like to go and provide for the family while hubby stays at home?

as for the guy who cheated but dont allow his woman to do the same, i agree with the guy. it is all about what you desire in life, and NO we all dont desire the same things. look at how many women are gladly second or third wives, yet NO SANE MAN would ever accept to share his wife, food for thought.
just because a man does something, doesnt mean he automatically allows his partner to do the same.

and last but not least, if a man tells you that he will never accept that you cheat, it does NOT mean that he wont do it himself (because again, not all unions are based on equality). many men literally buy their wives, therefore they OWN that lady (yes you heard me right), and therefore he can do as he pleases and treat her as he pleases. but hey, here is a clue: if men and women were ever equal then why dont women in Africa pay GROOM price then?!

equality my foot!

I really agree with your points.

It's really we women who decide what we want and uphold barbaric traditions.

How many father-in-laws give their DILs problems in marriage?
How many fathers spoil their sons?
How many men marry another man's wife?
How many men whine when things don't go their way?
How many men want double standards in terms of equality?
How many men would side with random women expect if they have something in common?

I believe we dress ourselves how we want others(men) to address us.

laykhorn: "Women are naturally unfit for public office. Both the
natural order and facts show us that the political
being par excellence is male; the Scripture shows us
that woman has always been the helper of man who
thinks and does, but nothing more." --Your new
Pope (Charming, ain't he, ladies?)

Why didnt you argue the other reasons I gave up there too?

Are you serious he said that?

spicyp: u have no insight of what am talking about so keep calm...."NOVICE"

You are still disgracing your profession further...

Thank God there are 'nurses' who do not share your views

vislabraye: .

Have you heard of sexual healing before?

Excuse me

Abrantie: While we are at it, why don't we also ask "What's wrong with getting married to an engineer or plumber or construction worker or politician or ..."

Hi,

It was once the lawyers' turn.

Like they say, turn by turn...

spicyp: Even as a student nurse that i am a lot of dudes are dying for me.Most guys love the profession and not the person in question.There's always a misconception that nurses take lots of pills not to get pregnant,d question is...is taking of pills the only way to avoid pregnancy?A nurse can have sex as many times as possible and not use pills or condom but still not get pregnant.Its our field"we know how we de run am"

For the sake of decent nurses who do not know how you de run am, modify this your post.

Posters who are not nurses are trying to defend you and you a nurse is trying hard to rubbish your profession more.

herkeym001: Most Nurses and Doctors are very bad, I stay at orile and I have much experience about those local nurses and their doctors. Won bad gan ni. Almost every guy wey dey my compound don secs nurse maryam including me. She's the worst have ever seen in my life.

And you are worse than she is because you know a lot of men has slept with her and you still did.

You really lack respect for your body and destiny

@OP: I don't think a profession makes a person. There are promiscuous people in all professions.

2buff: The people talking crap against the OP (Like this eediot ^^^^) can never truly understand growing up in an environment of targeted parental neglect. It's one thing to have everyone treated hard. It's another to be the only one out of 6 treated like shlt. They can never understand how much these seemingly little things can seriously MESS with someone in their formative years. And yes, enough to have chronically low self-esteem and to consider suicide if young. It is a heart pain.

OP, either way, no-one is perfect. Your dad may actually be clueless while he is going about doing this his thing.
You have to tell him how you feel. You don't even have to have a girly discussion with him as I sense you are trying to avoid...just one day tell him "I wish you involved me more into these things" (I have a feeling you haven't even said this to him ever). If his response is insulting...then focus on your life.

Find a nice girl. Have a relationship with her, and focus your rejected love on someone that would actually appreciate it. The thing about trying to force someone to love you is that it keeps on eating away at your own self-esteem. You feel your love is worthless. That you are nothing, because seemingly, this person wants none of it.

But when you direct it and focus it on someone who gives thanks to God for giving her such a wonderful man, trust me, this will ramp your soul back up. You will regain the knowledge of your worth. And you will, in turn, forget about the people who are hurting you today.

Get on with life bruh. Soothe your soul. Get a woman.

As much as I love romance , I would rather he heals before he thinks of a relationship. What if his girl is also like him? He can't give what he doesn't have. I pray God gives him a woman that really loves him and makes him feel wanted.

Don't mind the crazy people on this thread saying nonsense. It's either they never experienced parental love or they have comprehension problems.

[quote author=akande.james]hmmm. you guys have been Liars from ages. darm liars. expert liars though few are different. demonizing muslims now u talk of hate. who hated who in the first place. you run all the media houses in the whole would and all you do is lie, trample on our rights to exist, freedom of speech, freedom to dress as we please yet you say we hate u. nope we don't.

i have 2 personal experiences.

1. a parent who has a kid in kindergarten class complained that the teacher teaches his son that Muhammad stole their food while praying before breakfast (but she actually kept them) in the class but Jesus (A.S) returned it when they closed their eyes again. he accused the teacher but she said , "we are serving the same God".

2. while serving in Akwa Ibom, i came across a book distributed by pastors to church goers in south south nigeria terribly lying about islam.

You are the jealous one and haters oga. you have been taught never to think of anything good about muslims even in the churches cos i was once in the church. WE WERE TAUGHT TO HATE MUSLIMS. change for good[/quote]1. The teacher was wrong
2. I don't know the book in question

The fact you were once in the church doesn't mean you were in God. I am yet to come across a church that propagates hatred for Muslims.

BoboYekini: @OP, if you will not take any advice from here, take this one: "brothers before hos"

And who is the ho?

BetaThings: A post full of insight, lessons and logic

There is nothing better for Muslims than to take the advice to set enviable examples - Honesty, civility, excellent work ethics, academic industry, non-violence etc. There is nothing to add really

Following the poster's advice will increase the weight of our voice when speak on issues including those "popular" trends that go against our religion. People will know that "Muslims don't fool around" and when they speak they are serious

As for the societal issues, I have some things to point out

Christians are the most insincere people in this country when it comes to the issue of secularity

A

2011 - Christians spoke loudly against Islamic Banking. Their reasons:
1. Nigeria is a secular country. Some people are trying to Islamise the country
2. It will further polarise the country. Boko Haram will take advantage of it
3. There will be call for "Amadioha" banking, "Oro" Banking etc
Please note that Islamic Banking does not cost the government money. I set it up with my money, CBN approves its licence and regulates its operations

2012 - the FCTA using Federal Govt Money built a National Christmas Tree. It was commissioned by Dame Patience Jonathan, First lady. Cardinal Onayekan was there. Ministers, members of diplomatic corps were also there

1. Now was that a constitutional act under a secular constitution?
2. Would it not polarise the country? Would Boko Haram be happy?
3. Would there be no call for "Amadioha" or "Oro" National Tree?

B
Zamfara declared Sharia. Every opportunity was taken to criticise it and raise alarm
Plateau state declared itself a Christian state. Nobody has uttered any word about Christianisation

C
Osun state changes the appellation of the state from Livinspring to Virtuous, CAN says the Gov wants to Islamise the state. They want an explanation of the change
Now what is the argument? CAN says that Christians regard Jesus as Livingspring, perhaps that is why the Muslim Gov wants to change the name, although some people have argued that Livingspring refers to Osun river

But let us look at this. If a state has a name that has Christian connotation, is it not an attempt at Christianisation? Did Muslims protest then? Or is it constitutional in Nigeria to Christianise a state but unlawful to Islamise it? Was an explanation given to people when it was so given the name with Christian connotation?

D
To be fair, CAN also states that the state schedule meetings for Sundays when people should be going to Church. Maybe that is unfair
But the state schedules meetings for Fridays when people should be going to the Mosque
Maybe we should make Friday workfree and go to work on Saturdays
That way Muslims don't have to take permission from work to go and pray on Fridays; Christians don't take permission from work to go to Church on Sundays
And at least we would have solved the problem of that girl (and her likes) who was beaten for putting on the hijab just outside the school gate on her way to Jumat service on a Friday

You just ruined the purpose of this thread.

Everyone would have read it and applied in ways he/she felt it applied to him or her.

dayokanu: Forgiveness? When she threatens because she has a trump card with her? Whats there to forgive.

The only reason the wife and the MIL are being unreasonable is because they felt they have him by the balls regarding the RP.

When the RP gets resolved they should return to the threat of the divorce simples

If the OP feels they are holding him to ransom because of RP, then he should tell them to pocket it!

I don't believe that anybody holds the keys to another's success in his/her hands. You feel I can't have RP without you? Shove it in your pocket!

I don't subscribe to him keeping a grudge and pretending with his wife till she gets him the RP and he then unleashes the dragon.

All the posters saying the OP's slow, g.ay, immature etc should just hold it.

A child says he doesn't feel his father's love and some dumb people are talking of inheritance.

No wonder relationships and marriages in Nigeria are screwed; a man provides for his family and he thinks he has done it all. Parents train their kids and feel 'fulfilled'.

Dear OP,

I understand the way you feel. However, DON'T let ANYBOBY break, bend or mar you. Only you can decide to find happiness in yourself. Do you know that your younger brother might not be happy despite all the attention he seems to be receiving?

Also, you need to check yourself... Did you do something to your dad when you were younger? Have you disappointed him and made him turn to your younger brother in solace? Are you sure it's not a figment of your imagination and unnecessary jealousy on your part?

Has your mother also noticed this trend? What is the relationship between your parents? Does your mom have any favorite too?

Speak to your dad, he might not know what he's doing to you. If he willing to change (if true), fine. If not, don't disturb yourself and ignore them.

As for your bro, go out of your way to be nice to him and if he offends you, calm down a little before you react so that you don't use a missile to kill a mosquito.

Live your life for yourself. Draw closer to God, He specializes in filling the void of the heart. Do good to people, show them love from the little you have and you will be surprised that love keeps growing in your heart.

As for marriage, make sure you are healed, renewed and whole before you venture. Marriage DOES NOT complete or fill the void. What if your wife is unloved and is looking for a hubby to complete her? Who would then complete who. However, when you do find a woman, love her with everything within you. It really helps.

It's well with you.

fellis: Maybe OP was trying to let us know that he was dealing with a girl that does not mind entering a polygamous marriage.

O la la la la O O...

carmelion: @bukatyne and missblanche,nice to see you darlings again,welcome back .Miss blanche,hope you got my mail?

@aluta doll,you always speak my mind,nice.

@dagr8,I see you jare.

@boubou!,welcome back

@passionate,I see you too

nicer to see you too

fellis: If the woman was the one that cheated with a Muslim man none of you will talk about reconciliation or forgiveness.
Double standard hypocrites.

I don't even understand the 'Muslim' part of it.

Exponental: Just soothe her mind......why shld a wife leave d house cos of an applying girlfriend? If she appreciates her hubby, she better grab it. Above all, apologise n soothe her mind.

The same reason why a husband would leave the house because of a applying boyfriend

nbright: You said you blame women that get married out of desperation. So I was wondering if you don't blame those that do get married to a man just because of his wealth.

I don't think you inferred that from my post.

I blame women and men that marry for any other reason other than for companionship.

nikkykay: I wanted 2ask abouT ds paper thing since ystdy but somethg told me 2keep quiet
Because 4her 2hav threatened u with divorce & her mother giving u ultimatum, I knew some is @ stake!
Ds is rubbish! More over ds is d reason its not always good 2marry 4papers!
I wonder wots gets in2 our ladies brain as soon as dey enter abroad!
If I were u, I wuld get dat RP & afta divorce her 4ds threat!
Poster, d ball is in ur court now! If u want 2stay in d UK, try & reduce d rate @whc u call ur friend!
Am sorry about ur condition

dayokanu: OP Assuming your story is true What I would tell you is this.

Bi owo eni ko ba te eeku ida, A ki beere iku to pa Baba eni

Play along. Do as she wish, suck up to her and her mother when your hand touch wetin she has to offer, revisit the divorce discussion at that time solely on your own terms

Really! @ the bolded

I wonder what kind of advise on unforgiveness is this?

Let him sort out his issues with his wife. To show he is disappointed in her, he can decide not to accept the RP so she understands that he can make it without her.

pDude: Did you read the entire thread at all?

D/C indeed. She is trying to figure out if to do the D/C again. So she is an angel then?

Fvck outta here

@bolded, To you, me or the OP?

Does she just decide to do the DC because she feels like?

I am not supporting DC, I telling you NOT to call her names because no one is really better than she is.

A girl that has one boyfriend she sleeps with is no better than a prostitute. A person who tells 'harmless' lies is no better than an armed robber. etc.

ichidodo: O.k so maybe there was attraction....*thinking*.....but what kind of attraction that would make a normal man (as we know him to be in our society nowadays) wants to do something as 'crazy' as committing himself to a very serious relationship to a woman he was just introduced to?Example Am based abroad,yeah? So i come back home to spend my holidays with my ma and 'maybe ' find me a home-grown bride, just then i while comin home from a village outing i spy me some delectable damsel coming from the stream ,cupid strikes, i got my groove on then flex my mojo which she falls for and then i marry her. So if the attraction was lust would it not be proper i f!?k her and be on my way? What made me to marry her? Love,infatuation lust?

Only you can say...

Did you marry her because
She is hot?
She is perfect?
You both want to complement each other?

Some people love with everything they have, some don't give their all.

True love is stronger than death.

nbright: so you don't blame those that also marry because the man is rich?.

Nbright,

I do not understand your question

alutacontinua: I think the whole love thing is confusing jawe. I don't believe there are any rules as to how and when it develops. It's an emotion, it just happens when you allow it to. For some people, it might be at first sight...for others, it might be after the one-millionth sight, anytime you just experience it, make sure you enjoy it while it lasts.
*just my thoughts*

True love never dies.

Most girls pretend a lot in all relationships in their lives because they have been groomed that way since birth for the ultimate 'fulfillment', marriage.

Guys on the other hand really have nothing to lose (so to say) by being real and showing when they are upset.

I believe there are still faithful male and female friends. It starts from us being faithful friends ourselves.

Cheers!

pDude: Also @OP, it is obvious you want to abort that baby because from your past posts, it can be deduced that you once had an abortion:

https://www.nairaland.com/405942/condoms-postinor-2-advice-n#5662613




This post was back in 2010. Where exactly is that baby from the 4 weeks pregnancy??

You are a dangerous and loose girl Peelove. God help you

So because she once had a DC (if she did), she's now dangerous and loose?

You only have the moral right to call her that if you have never sinned before.

ichidodo: The hell there is such a thing. What happens when a man is introduced to a woman for the first time and he confides to close friends that he just met his wife-to-be? FYI that is how Pastor Oritsejafor met his wife or in the bible, the love story of ISAAC and REBECCA;JACOB and RACHEL,if that aint love at first sight then i dont know what it is. I believe in love at first sight or in my case in nairaland, love at first thought.

Do you know what love means...

I would agree there is attraction at first sight or lust but not love. Remember that rebekah was already married to Isaac so the love MUST come at first sight. As for jacob, I have to reread that passage to be sure...

[quote author=2sexy.net]Aside the name calling... You are on point. A girl is currently with me and her friend wonders what she would be doing with guy like me while she turns down 'BiG' boys with cars...

Little does her friend know that I am already working on getting a job with an oil firm before I finish my NYSC... And you know what that means. The said girl does not even know what I am doing cos I never told her. She has no clue about any of my plans for the future but just want me. I'm still surprised at it all.

But her friend was the one who told me she turns down guys cos of me... The silly friend asked me if I got a car and that I am lucky that her friend despite her beauty turns down guys, does not flirt etc. She added that girls who are not as beautiful as her do date guys for the cash... And tomorrow, the friend may come here or elsewhere to say guys are bad, they use and dump girls, they dont want to settle down, all they want is se.x etc.

You ladies, most times are the cause of your own predicament. You cant tell me you have never met a nice guy. Of course, we are very few and hard to find like gold. But 'ojukokoro' no go let una see road.

Like my ex who confessed last month cos I dump the fool in 2009, she said she wanted to have fun and I was too serious then, coupled with the fact that guys were coming after her( so, dem no dey come again?). She visited me twice in 2012 begging me... Desperation don finish her life. she is first daughter and igbo.

All I can say is that just hold on to God... ( I know say na una know God pass)


Guys ARE no fools... Yes, most will take you out, buy you stuff, se.x etc but when they want to marry, they know just where to go... I know of a guy who dated fun-loving girls but when her wanted to marry nko, he went for a DIRECT opposite of the kind of girls he dated in the past.[/quote]Hi 2sexy

I believe that a guy why rows with 'useless' girls is useless too. The adage bird of the same feathers flock together' is so true.

If a guy is really decent, he would not be attracted to the indecent babes. By mere appearance, I know men I would have nothing in common with.

I blame women who on desperate bid to marry accept proposals of wayward men.

Our society might not hold men accountable for their actions but God does. Remember God has no seperate standards for men and women.

Have a nice day

carmelion: My apologies,I agree.I am working on it seriously.Thanks

nbright: Even when you are in love you still worry after sex... To me I think that "worry" is a part of your conscience... Telling you that you've commited a sin (pre-marital sex).. That is for those that are religious and we all know the ladies are more religious than the men.. (percentage wise).

100%

nbright: I thought that's love at first sight?, that spark you girls are talking about.. That moment when you know he's the ONE ..

Which moment?

There is absolutely nothing like 'Love at first sight'

carmelion: Whether you're in a relationship already or whether you're admiring someone from afar, sorting out your feelings can be a real challenge. While there's no clear, fool-proof way to decipher your feelings for someone, there are certain ways to make the distinction clearer for yourself. Follow these tips to help yourself to know the difference between love, infatuation and lust.

Love
When you are in love ,you care for this person even knowing his or her faults. You are committed to sticking together even through the most difficult circumstances. You can tell this person anything about yourself, even if the truth doesn't flatter you, and you know that your partner will accept you.

Evaluate how secure you feel.You know that your partner will stand by you no matter what, and you are prepared to commit to your partner for the rest of your life.

You are in love if you have known the person for a long time, and you can't imagine life without him or her. This is why courtship is recommended because time reveals things
You are in love if after you have sex with your partner, you still feel closer to him or her(unlike in lust when all you want is sex,so once you get it,you are done). For you, affection and post-coital cuddling are just as important as sex, although you love to keep the flame alive.

Analyze the way that you're thinking about the other person.Something funny has happened to you at work, and you can't wait to tell your partner. Alternatively, you've had a bad experience, and you want to talk to someone who will understand. If your partner is the first person that you think about when you want to share your innermost thoughts, then you may be in love

Look at how you handle conflict. When you have an argument with your partner, you keep working until you're able to find some common ground. No argument can erase your commitment to one another, and you appreciate your partner speaking the truth even when it's painful.

Consider your feelings about moving the relationship forward. You feel comfortable with your partner, and you feel a strong bond of trust. Moving in together or getting married feels natural and logical.

Hi Carmebabe sorry... doll

Hi to all dolls and teddys in the house

Happy Easter in arrears

This thread grows by the hour and I can't keep up

Someone once defined love as more for gazing in the same direction than gazing into each other's eyes.

Your series on Love, infatuation and Lust is wonderful!

I guess a lot of people feel infatuation for their partners/spouses that's why we hear ...'we love each other but the connection was no longer there', 'he/she isn't romantic anymore' etc and other bulls as their reasons for divorce.

We also expect our partners to show their love in the same way. There are basics that shouldn't be compromised but they can be expressed in different ways.

It's well,

God be with you.

jobaskia: @bukatyne. Let me tell u is not that we take the advantage that we are men. I do virtually agree that if its on our side we will wont take pleas from the woman . But naturally women tend to get simplified and not too complex about certain issue or they are ready to bring down the roof when issues cropped . Cheating by any standard is not good from both sides bcoz it's painful when u realized you ve given so much and you are not been
returned with good luv n loyalty.

Women are good no doubt.

It's not natural. The society conditioned them that way.

It's well.