₦airaland Forum

wany:
A guy over 40yrs still been childish in speech,no wonder your marriage crashed.men your age are busy with meaningful stuffs cause at this age over 40 retirement is near,but here you are gallivanting with your suppose children mates .idleness is really sickening.

Bahahaha

Why are men so useless? Now one he goat has brought an innocent child to this world to live motherless and in foster care because he couldnt control himself.

LolaO:
Thank you for this @CHoccolaTE.
My mum said the exact same thing highlighted above.
You just summarized most of the issues we've been having without me having to. I didn't say much about what had been going on prior to this total cut-off, but you understood perfectly.

I already decided to move on.

Good decision. I pity whoever he ends up with.

And I am 100% sure sometime in future he will remember what he did and regret it. I am sure.
Good luck.

@ lolaO

Please ignore the insensitive comments by guys on the first few pages, nobody should blame you for what your boyfriend did.

The truth is that males on nairaland far outnumber females and men generally have this habit of supporting each other against women even when they are wrong. That's because many of them are sociopaths. So you see senseless comments on this thread blaming you for your ex bad behaviour and senseless likes accompanying the comments.

Your ex boyfriend was wrong for cutting you off like that especially since parents were involved in the relationship, and he was very rude to promise to call your dad and then fail to do so, he sounds like an immature person that runs away from confrontations and hard situations instead of dealing with them head on. You should probably be glad he such an immature person is no longer dating you. Can you imagine if you were already married and he had to travel abroad for some reason like work then he just ghosts you and your kids the way he is doing now? Wouldn't that be worse than this present situation?

No matter the reason my dear, he should have had the balls to call you and let you know why he is ending a half decade relationship after wasting your youth and your time. He is just an insensitive coward and you should move on from him fast. The men blaming you on this thread and offering idiotic advice would insult any woman that dumps her ex after five years without asking her side of the story so don't take the biased male opinions here seriously.

Even if you did things you think were wrong, a sensible mature adult ought to have called you and let you know what happened instead of just running away like your heartless ex.

Please move on very quickly from that guy, I pray you find another man far better than him in every everyway soon enough. Stop wasting your tears and feeling bad for what your ex did to hurt you.

Neurotika:
You embody enormous bitterness and it permeates all your contributions and topics on this platform. A large percentage of your topics/submissions reeks of weird and naive feminist advocacies. Tilting towards extremes in a bid to satisfy the reservoir of hatred built in you due to personal experiences can only consume your sanity. Hence I’ll advise you drink water, sit down and learn the principle of the Golden mean when analyzing issues.

Hahahahahahaha


Thanks for the advice doctor Phil

DameB:
Breaking the abuse cycle is very very very difficult if the woman has no financial, emotional and social support. A broken spirit that's no thought for its safety.

"What will people say" will kill you faster than some diseases.

Our society doesn't do much to support the domestic abused woman/man. There was absolutely nothing wrong with reporting a battery case to the police. When that woman dies everyone in that vicinity will still be questioned

Two bolded are major reasons women stay in abusive marriages. It's not only because useless husbands are tired of being breadwinners.

seunmohmoh:
97% is not because of money.

Lol
Nigerian men don't want to provide for their wives so they will claim all women's oppression in marriages is because lack of financial independence, funny people.
The number is not up of 97% at all, yes some beasts oppress their wives because the poor women have no money to leave, not through any fault of their own but because of bad economy and religious scripture that taught them to be submissive while men provide.

Are men not funny? They want independent wives but still expect the wives to be housemaids that cook and clean and sex them at will and bear their useless names after marriage.

@ topic, op please leave that stupid woman and her animal husband alone, you have done your best.

You men should get ready to start submitting to your wives and obeying them since you want them to provide for you.

ZIMDRILL:
i guess you know get my drift

How can he get your drift? He's not really a mentally stable person. Go through his posts on Nairaland.

TooNoisy:
Family section!!! Where do you people even come from?

So now it is okay for a woman to marry a man she doesn't love, then she starts misbehaving after marriage and if the man leaves, the woman can go around town boasting of being married before. What kind of people are you guys?

Do you even know there are kids involved here? What do you take marriage for? A train ride you can boast of when you feel like leaving? Like seriously? What caliber of women are typing this rubbish??

Lwkmd @ your rage

You didn't understand the point I was trying to make and I can't be bothered to explain. Have a lovely day.

LilMissFavvy:
Not only can she boast as being married according to you. She can also leave the marriage with children, to me that's one of the biggest benefit.

It's funny the men arguing with you are not aware that some ladies just ''marry off'' to have kids, if they feel time is running out.

They like telling themselves that women need marriage to continue existing or to be happy.

djon78:
And he doesn't care either, moves on to another one. Also fortunate that he dodged a bullet, because that's a union made in hell.

That one no concern me

Omar09:
Jokes on you, I don't like big ukwu, as for the flat ones I don't know if they are oloshi, I can't say for sure, currently I'm without a date, n don't wish to enter any either for the same reason of your kind going after irresponsible guys.

Haha stop lying now.

Your kind always goes after irresponsible olosho big ukwu women

djon78:
Yes some get coned but if its the one they can manage they do but if its the one they can't it gets broken.
There are things that can be tolerated but when one enters into ones unbearable, then everyone goes there way.
But its very wrong for one to enter marriage with a revenge mindset, its evil simple.


Single women or divorced women who is pushing them? Its there choice. Everyone have choices. When my sister was having issues with her husband, she wanted to quit, even the guy was tired. But I told them that there issue was redeemable, that they should exercise Patience. They listened and worked on themselves, under one year, everything became lovely again.

But if it wasn't redeemable then she would have quit. It was her call to make. Society will always be society, but ones happiness shouldn't be based on what society thinks.
Each person is meant to be happy and enjoy life.

Wo, just as there are men that exact revenge on wives during marriage for reasons best known to them there are also women. It goes both ways.

And I insist than many men get conned easily, women are talented manipulators. Even if he leaves her after marriage she won't care cos she can now boast of being married before.

Omar09:
You are wrong. There must have been red flags. No matter how a lie is smoothened, it can never stay hidden for a long time. Women are drawn to potential bad guys and irresponsible men that would ruin their life and later they will cry foul. Just few are lucky. If it's a lie, check your life and the people you have turned down for the people you have and still dating.

Really? You decided to go personal and accuse me of liking bad guys that can ruin my life? That means men also like big Ukwu women that are irresponsible and badly behaved. All they care about is big Ukwu, they don't mind if the woman is first grade olosho sofa d yansh is bag.

If you doubt me check the type of women you yourself are dating or attracted to.

Samfloxin:
Your submission is biased and one sided. The lady ran away from her husband's house without proper divorce. She took all her children with her when she knew she couldn't take care of them. just look at the condition she is subjecting them. Women feel they can survive without their husbands when they start seeing small money. She is responsible for her peril

Lol
No make me laugh abeg
So she should have stayed and went on living with the unfaithful man until he infected her with HIV or AIDS? Or you missed the part where she mentioned that the man was unfaithful?
If you had an unfaithful wife will you stay with her?
Also the man was not taking care of the children even when they were together, it's written in the first post so what difference does it make if she stays or goes?
Lastly the man is useless and irresponsible. He could have done something to help his kids after seperation if he wasnt so useless.

Lionpikin:
When they said girls love bad boys, you people will be arguing, the guy has always been irresponsible but he is the one the woman chose to have children for despite lots of gentlemen that would be asking her out in her time....I don't support irresponsibility one bit but in Nigeria (I have not been abroad), it is these set of men that mostly get all the girls, we see it everyday.....how a girl will be running after an irresponsible man that treats her like scum despite all her options always beat my imagination....I don't pity such girls when they start facing the repercussions, this is one of it....I'm sorry if I am sounding harsh, if I were the op, I would mind my business

You dont support irresponsibility but if you were the op you would mind your business?
Women don't seek put irresponsible men that's a lie. Men pretend and lie to get married to unsuspecting women and then start showing their true colors after marriage.

djon78:
Well it is men that didn't do there due diligence search very well, that end up with such type of women.
A well looking man don't end up with such.
And some that made such mistake, if its the one they can manage, they will, but if not. Everybody will answer him papa name.


Na so a distant cousin of mine married such, it didn't last up to 2 years he cancelled the marriage.
He was lucky to later get a good woman. Today they live happily in the US.
Abeg Marriage is meant to be enjoyed.

First of all, forget long story most men are easy to manipulate. Even after due diligence they still get conned.
Secondly, yes you are right marriage is meant to be enjoyed that's why I wish many Nigerians would have sense and stop stigmatizing single women or divorced women and pushing them to stay in unhappy unions.

UjuJoan2:
I'm honestly not bothered about them, I know how difficult it is for MEN to accept the truth that their actions have direct consequences in the long run. Nigerian men are laden with this 'God complex' and most times it's difficult for them to realize that they will have to be held accountable for their mistakes, just like use mere mortals (women).

Let's take for instance a man who dated a woman for 10 years, probably even dis-virgined her . . at the point when he becomes finally stable he realizes she's not his 'type' and begins to mess around with other women. The will act like they are doing her a favor. . . . The woman, who thinks the odds are already against her will stay and hope he comes around eventually. But it doesn't stop the resentment from building. It doesn't stop the hatred from brewing . . . Eventually when he marries her after dangling marriage around like a carrot, and she realizes the burden of raising his family is actually on her, she sees the enormity of the sacrifices she has to make and realizes he's just not worth it and never earned her, she begins to act up. . . . Actions = Reactions!!! I'm a marriage counselor of sorts and I know what I see/hear on a regular basis.

Same goes for a cheating man . . . Many women will never walk out of a cheating spouse. But if a woman is aware of her husband's indiscretions, there's noting stopping her from doing same. I know the men will want to have my neck for this too but it's just the truth. Any woman who gladly accepts a cheating husband is definitely cheating herself. I just pity these men who cheat and flaunt it thinking their wives have no option. She may play the docile wife, but who knows what she's also up to.

Untill men learn to respect and treasure women, there will always be dysfunctional marriages.

@ bolded, you hit the nail on the head very perfectly. Even in marriages where the courtship went smoothly, the women sometimes act up because of that same reason. They get married and suddenly realise that marriage is not a small feat for many women and that they are more disadvantaged in the long run, for example they might have to work full time and be co breadwinners while being primarily responsible for house and kids and sometimes they must also put up with husbands constantly decreasing concern and attention for them and then frustration and disappointment sets in and then they start acting up.

djon78:
Well she may not care, but the man definitely moves on because its better to move on than to be in Union with such a toxic mind.
Although Wise men avoid such women, its only foolish and unobservable ones that end up with such type.

Many men are actually in such marriages presently, even the so called observable ones.

djon78:
That's terrible toxicity!!
And then she unleashes it at the man
What if she married a man that doesn't send who has nothing to lose by ending the marriage nko?

Nawa for the way some women reason.
That attitude is not good.
If one carries revenge into marriage, how will that marriage turn out.

Even some men do something similar
But there own is complete emotional withdrawal. They don't send there wife, or even maltreat her.

Those who do these things have a way karma pays them back. Evil no good at all.

In Nigeria being a woman who was married before is better than being old and never married so I don't think the women doing this care about the bolded part.

It's toxicity but toxic marriages are everywhere, Men cheating left and right with impunity and society defending them and claiming it's male nature.

Besides that issue of matreatment during courtship is not the only reason women change after marriage. It's just one of many.

UjuJoan2:
Maybe you treated her badly while you were courting, because you thought she was desperate to hook you. And you were some kind of 'prize'. A wise woman will tolerate your shit just to ensure she doesn't lose all the years she wasted with you, and then once the deal is sealed, it's payback time.

Don't assume every man is passing through the same thing.

If you don't lay a good foundation, your marriage will suffer.

This is a good point please ignore the pin heads critisizing you. Let's be realistic, women are under immense pressure in Nigeria to get married, even when they have not found the person they are compatible with, once they get to a certain age they start hearing insults about their singleness, insults like old cargo, evening newspaper, Shiloh customer, she get bad character that's why she never marry and so on.

These same women desperately bear all manner of rubbish in relationships just to escape pressure and insults and get married. It's not easy for them to just end relationships and go back to searching in old age so she bears crap treatment from the man but then gets married and starts to remember all the maltreatment and starts acting up in marriage.

I don't know of those attacking your post live overseas or if they don't ever leave their houses to know what happens in Nigeria

Oriyomin25:
Poverty is the genesis of everything. from ur narration @OP The mother is a slut who will always trade her dignity and of her children just to stay comfortable, so you can't help the situation unless u are ready to bail them out of their condition... The Thought Of having a girl child in this insane enviroment scared the shit outta me, i'm afraid the girl's innocency has been exposed and may not come back.

@ bolded part, So what is the father?

He was the same fool that started family he could not take care of and presently is washing his hands off an issue that involves his own children

but let's ignore him and insult the mother na, ABI? If he joins hands together with the mother they can work to defeat the landlord because he is male and men have upper hand in Nigeria. But he is playing ostrich.

Donald95:
My dear, this what i have been doing since Saturday last week (Too bad though) as i am still a student that came back for holidays in my Fathers house.

When I even talked to the victims father (Barber man). He told me that her mother is overwise and that is their cup of tea as his hands are totally off

bold, this is what you get when you live in a society that blames women for everything and tells wives to be homebuilders while men are free to do as they please.

In sane societies the man would be forced to pay child support or be arrested but in Nigeria women are like lesser animals that take blame for husbands bad behaviour. Just imagine the comment the he goat made after his own daughter was raped.
The other day another guy started a similar topic to talk about a guy whose kids go around begging everybody while the father is busy denying they are his kids.


Nigeria is just paradise for useless and irresponsible fathers.

As for the topic if you have any way to financially help the woman or get her a job, house whatever I think you should do that. If she lives in abuja she should visit berekete family for the philanthropist ordinary Ahmed to help her. The guy will shock you with how well he can transform their lives, he takes things like this very serious. That is if the woman is ready to cooperate. He can also get the landlord arrested.

iammo:
Kemi is a name, and Olodo means someone with poor grade... Mentally retarded_or Imbecille is a medical condition and not an insult so i still dont get your point

K

iammo:
point out what insulted you in my post , perhaps i should help you rephrase it for better understanding

Oh ok.

Mentally retarded_ imbecile_ is that you?

iammo:
this is exactly what the girl would say.... Kemi olodo is that you

Learn to type civilly online. You see other people typing insults like uncouth animals does not mean you must copy them.

iammo:




Am afraid this cant stop anytime soon

This problem is fundamental, a student who has a bad Secondary school education and passed his WAEC and NECO through special centers and malpractices would likely fail courses and have reasons to visit a lecturers office privately,

Again at the senior secondary classes, students must be given proper counselling on career choice and coarses more suitable for them rather than just picking random coarses only to find out they just cant cope

I know of a lady who thought Computer Science was simply Microsoft Word, Excell, and some pressing of buttons but then she soon found out that computer science was even more of pure mathematics and when the Fs started rolling in she was visiting one lecturer to the other, bribing her way just to get out of computer science misery, she even takes uncompromising lecturers name to her pastor for prayers

..

Lie

If she is cooking and cleaning and acting as sex machine and baby making machine and nanny, then the man must give her money. No ifs ands or buts.

Even if the guy hires a housemaid today to cook and clean and care for his kids he will still have to pay her but Nigerian men think women are God given slaves.

They want their wives to be housemaid and baby making machine and to also contribute financially while they themselves absolve themselves completely of any responsibility to the wife.


Selfish users

Am 100% sure the ex did not sleep with any of op friends, he just added that bit to make nairaland small boys angry with his ex.

Make lies no kill you oooo, setobaba

Op ignore the people focusing on your former posts to write off point here, many are men who want women to stay in abusive and depressive marriages and swallow all sorts of rubbish from husbands like husband sleeping with wife sister.

If a woman was useless enough to sleep with her husband's brother all the men on earth will be fast to advice him to leave her but they are here castigating you for same thing, as if women are some sort of lower class animals that must bear matreament. Next time use a new account to post your marital issues to avoid the childishness you see on this thread

As for your selfish and self centered gaslighting husband, you wear the shoe with him so you know where it hurts most, you can use your knowledge of how his character is to know if the way out is reporting him to elderly members of his family or separating from him. If you can for now, use protection when having sex with him because if he infects you with HIV and you get sick or worse, nobody will be there to care for the innocent children he is currently neglecting.

Mstick:
The crazy thing is he thinks he makes so much sense, no wonder his wife left. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with a man that thinks a woman being happy isn't important.

Dont mind the frustrated woman hater. No woman in her right senses will stay with a man with such irritating evil ideologies about how women should swallow nonsense while men cheat as much as they like and show love to girls outside instead of their wives at home.

Funny thing is that he claims to be a Christian and bases his woman hating sermons on bible verses but at the same time he thinks it's impossible for men to stop cheating thats why he won't advice them to stop. So the God that declared adultery a sin did not make men capable of obeying his instructions to stay faithful?

By the way don't believe his lies about his wife being with him, they are still separated, he is tired of getting heat from nairaland females for his divorce so he has started lying.