₦airaland Forum

ThothHermes:
Submission is enough. Love is part of the package.

OK, you want love to be part of the package along with submission but if I said men should also submit to their wives along with loving them you will not agree.

Of course you would agree with a thread that tends to weaken a man's position even if it is clearly made up crap.
See all the threads you have created.
Men, men, men!
Obsessed with men. Still forming feminist.
Fighting your nature. You can never win. Nature always prevails.

I am not forming feminist, I have equality and justice fight in my DNA.
There is no forming.
And I am not obsessed with men, I wish you all will just go away and maybe all the robberies and rapes and criminality the male folk perpetuate will drastically reduce.
This your statement was to provoke me, I knew but I just had to make my stand clear.

But they are the ones saying women need to show submission to husbands while men need to show love. Have they became tired and realized that they also need love instead of only submission?
Nonsense and ingredients

Mamatoppy you should contact a real government agency or lawyer or any organization that deals with things like this.

Believe me I fully endorse your coming here to expose that married man that goes around having sex without protection and exposing his wife to God knows how many different diseases. I love that you brought him here to shame him because Nigerian men would have done worse if it was a woman having careless sex like this. Don't mind the useless irresponsible men on Nairaland bashing you and telling you to raise the baby alone.
Many people online are mentally unstable.

Get practical advice from any child welfare agency in Lagos on how to get that useless fool to pay child support for his baby.

A lot of things in our current society are so messed up and biased against women.

Birth control should be a two way thing but since women are the ones who suffer more of the consequences of unplanned pregnancies, men have callously abandoned duty of birth control to them.

twhy111:
So many things is wrong with this story, her marriage is 22yrs old and she's 39 which means she got married at age 17.
And she had 5 children already, what took her so long
And she kept on keeping the bed warm for him for that long and giving birth in such conditions.

What took her so long?
If she had bolted at the first sign of trouble you would have heard statements like, why didn't she pray for him? Why didn't she try to build her home afterall women are home builders, why didn't she forgive and dress sexy and try to please him and a whole lot of other rubbish.
Even after staying and enduring crap for donkey years hoping he would change she is still being criticized.

LilMissFavvy:
Wow, so you have suddenly become a preacher remembering the word of God. I guess you have brought it in to back up mens oppression towards women. Take a look at the write up, how on earth can anyone say that women have nothing to bring to the table, a big insult to womanhood. If women must bear a man's name, then why do you men complain about spending on a woman, a wedding, or paying bride price?That's why I admire some tribes in Nigeria which allows a woman to bear her father's name along with her husbands name.

Just imagine the senseless question this thread is asking.

In Nigeria, just go into any typical market and 80% of the traders are female. Is it offices? Or handwork like catering or beauty treatments in every corner that women also run?
My co worker in the office is also a part time baker and chef along with her white collar job.
Many Nigerian women run two consecutive jobs as well as handle 80% of house and child care.
I know people like op are mostly indoorsy type that hardly interact with the real world outside and think the rubbish they read on the internet is the same as real life.

Immediately I saw MGTOW I knew op clearly is very indoorsy has no idea how majority of Nigerian households run. Just coming here to propagate a movement american men started. As if america and Africa are the same.

I have even heard of worse cases than OPs.
There was one married man that told his wife to call his side chic and apologise to her after the wife warned the side chic to leave her husband.

My former neighbour beat his wife till her nose broke and was bleeding all over her dress because the stupid man wanted to invite the girlfriend to the house and his wife locked the door and hid the key.


These are just few, I know many other horrifying cases of married men acting like beasts to their wives because in Africa nobody cautions them.
Funny thing is that the baby you bore is for his family and bears his name and will carry on his lineage. But he is body shaming you for losing your beauty after having the child.

Madam OP, if you are open to using diabolical means against him please do so. Or get people to severely beat him up and wound him seriously.
Or just ignore him and bear. If na me I will put little quantities of me and my babies piss and shit in his every meal I prepare for him along with using diabolical means against him.
I love revenge, I don't joke with it.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Valuable things like?

Don't mind that person. Men love it when women stay and tolerate their evil inconsiderate behaviour in marriages.

Behaviour men can never tolerate, they want women to stay and take it


Fools

tydi:
Madam you're deviating from the topic probably cus you became so angry to read the post to the end.
summary of what he was trying to pass out is that women whom has taken the pill called feminism should sit their ass up and stop being lazy dirty and stupid which is also harmful to their hygiene.

Lmao, I don't know why but this part made me laugh

Hez143:
Pls dont mind my write up.
NB:long write up
Actually,i rarely comment on nairaland,but you got my attention,after reading all you wrote,i had to check your profile and i what i found there makes me think you need help.
to summarize it,it like you drop 4point up there and am give you 4 syptoms of you sickness and a cure.
1)doing house chores:nobody has any excuse for being dirty,but come to think of this scenerio, most times i saw the things my brother's wife does in a day,if not for ego,i would offer to help her in,she's a full house wife too,wake up in the morning,bath two kids,one is 3,the other is just 1month old,take the eldest to school,cook,sweep,all before 7:3o,after coming back,she rest for few minute,start washing plates,clean the kitchen,while shes doing this,she never sweep compound oo,after that,she pack cloth outside to wash,clean the house,mop the floor,wash cloth,after that,sweep the comopund,after that she eats,and sleep.before 12,she awake and the work continues till night.i had this alajo says she dirty,the alago comes either when she takes the eldest to school or when shes resting.isnt she really dirty?
2:getting fat:kudos to all ladies who try and stay in shape always,but do you all know that not matter the workout they do,they'll add weight when they are pregnant and when they give birth?and have you heard of specialization(economics)?doing everything everytime,no adevtures in it,no fantasies?,you get bored,fatigue has just 4 letters more than fat!!
3:witholding sex:women are emotional creatures,the feel when you are in mood is the time to strike if she on something with you,that bad and am not in support of that,but come to think of it,someone who has been working since morning might be tired,a woman you call a full house wife does more work than a regular 9-5 worker.
4:feminist;they are just egocentric people who,are afraid to fall in love,probably after an heartbreak and are too proud to accept it.i also think that's bad,love is a beautiful thing,wtf did i know about love,me that am single.
Your cure,
TRY AND PLAY HOUSEWIFE WITH A BABY FOR ONE WEEK,IF SYPTOM,THEN AM RATHER STUPID THEN.
Dont carry arsenal frustration come meet us for here,i know how if feel,am an arsenal fan too
In other news,today is my birthday,show me love abeg,3059974649,na first bank i dey use.
Pls let appreciate our our women and mums out there,they are really trying not all this slay queens wwe have everywhere

Thanks for this very beautiful post.

Op is clearly a small boy that lives on the internet and has no idea how things are in real life.
Just starting a thread to post fantasies he conjured in his imagination.
Who watches TV for 6 hours a day? With kids in the house?
And which sane woman will just stay comfortably and not try to get a job to support herself and kids considering how bad the economy is?

Nigerian men just love gassing themselves up with the breadwinner thing. The truth is that many men can barely provide and families are seriously depending on joint support from the wife for sustenance. As I am typing this post there is presently a topic on front page about a struggling man who is keeping malice with his wife because she didn't give him 200 naira recharge card to dash his father.
In real life many men are like that, many of them have even abandoned their duties and are wasting money on sidechics while the wives take up different hustles because they don't want to see their kids suffering.

Yet these men come online everyday claiming to be wonderful providers that always provide for lazy no good women.

I asked this question before in another topic and I will ask it again;
What exactly do women gain from marriages apart from escaping societal pressure of getting married and having kids?

Men are the ones prolonging their lineage with marriage and kids,
Men are the ones in charge of whatever homes they set up after marriage, they have control, they have the final say. Everyone submits to them.
Men are the ones who get both a co-breadwinner and lifetime cook, cleaner, sex slave ( trust me many married women lack sexual satisfaction, sex after marriage is mostly for husband's benefit),
Men can even cheat with impunity and have children outside wedlock and go scot free, he basically maintains his freedom to have wanton sex just like when he was a bachelor, and he gets no blame and his wife is advised to stay with him because men are ' naturally polygamous'.


Yet society wants us to believe women benefit more from marriages.


With loss of freedom, loss of former identity ( changing surname even if the man you now bear his name cannot take care of you or provide for you), loss of beauty and youth after having children that belong to another mans lineage and family, horrible unsatisfying sex life in many cases, is forced to overlook cheating husbands behaviour, must balance greatest majority of housework and breadwinning while husband contributes barest minimum to housework. The man might even be jobless but the wife is advised to stay and support her husband and help him grow.

Infact the list of losses is endless.

mankettle:
.
not to join issues with you but I have a lot of guys( Nigeria not foreign) who are single and don't have any intention of marrying soon. these guys are well paid and have good careers.
whereas I also have female friends who also have good jobs etc but are sad because they are not married.
I am not doubting the research done, but I believe the research wasn't carried out in Nigeria and so what applies there may not apply here.

The only reason women appear to 'want' marriages is because they have a biological need to bear children and they can't do that outside marriage because they and their children will be stigmatized. Many married women are miserable as hell in their marriages, single women are better off than them when it comes to peace of mind.

mankettle:
lol
tell that to our Mothers here in Africa... everyday when will u marry

That's because misery loves company. Majority of them are in miserable marriages so they want to rope others in with them.

Hahahaha

This topic always pains men

Men are such hypocrites.
They go about declaring that they hate marriages
And have no need for it
Marriage is bondage,
Etc etc

But when women open their mouths to say they are happier without marriages just like men they get angry and forcefully insist that women want and desire marriage

W
'If you are a man, you should probably get married; if you are a woman, don’t bother'

Maya OppenheimWomen's Correspondent @mayaoppenheim
Tuesday 28 May 2019 14:33

The Independent
Women who are not married and do not have children are the happiest group in the population, a prominent expert in happiness has said.

Paul Dolan, a professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics, said unmarried and childless women are also likely to outlive their married child-rearing counterparts and are healthier than them.

Speaking at the Hay festival on Saturday, Mr Dolan said the latest data demonstrated that long-established, traditional symbols of success did not necessarily correlate with happiness levels.



The best-selling author, who carries out original research into the measurement of happiness and its causes and consequences, noted men in comparison benefited from marriage as they “calm down”.

He said: “You take less risks, you earn more money at work, and you live a little longer. She, on the other hand, has to put up with that, and she dies sooner than if she never married. The healthiest and happiest population subgroup are women who never married or had children".

Mr Dolan added: “Married people are happier than other population subgroups, but only when their spouse is in the room when they are asked how happy they are. When the spouse is not present: f***ing miserable.


“We do have some good longitudinal data following the same people over time, but I am going to do a massive disservice to that academic science and just say: if you are a man, you should probably get married; if you are a woman, don’t bother.”

Mr Dolan’s latest book, Happy Ever After, cites evidence from the American Time Use Survey, which compared levels of pleasure and unhappiness in unmarried, married, divorced, separated and widowed individuals. The study discovered levels of happiness reported by those who were married was higher than those who do not have spouses, but only when their husband or wife was in the room.


People who were not married reported lower levels of misery than married individuals who were asked when their spouse was not present.

Other studies have measured some financial and health benefits in being married for both men and women on average, which Mr Dolan said could be ascribed to higher incomes and emotional support, allowing married people to take risks and seek medical help.


While Mr Dolan pointed to men displaying more health benefits from getting married due to them taking less risks, women’s health was mainly unaffected by marriage. But middle-aged married women were at higher risk of physical and mental conditions than their single peers.

How to dance your way to happiness
In spite of the advantages of an unmarried childless existence for women, Mr Dolan said the fact marriage and children were seen to be traditional, established emblems of success meant the stigma could cause some single women to feel unhappy.

He said: “You see a single woman of 40, who has never had children – ‘Bless, that’s a shame, isn’t it? Maybe one day you’ll meet the right guy and that’ll change.’ No, maybe she’ll meet the wrong guy and that’ll change. Maybe she’ll meet a guy who makes her less happy and healthy, and die sooner.”

Mr Dolan said that having children can be harmful to people’s well being – saying many parents might secretly agree with a famous academic colleague who “said that he liked the existence of his children but not their presence”.

“It would be categorically awful if anything happened to them, but the experiences we have with children are largely miserable,” he added.

Mr Dolan said that having children is “an amazing experience” for some, but added that “for a lot of people it isn’t, and the idea that we can’t talk openly about why that might be is a problem.”



https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert

Fadedvoices2:
Fool, I thought you were a feminist who believed in 50/50? So what’s the reason for your last statement ?

Big idiot, I wrote what I like so go to hell

Nigerian men are just irritating selfish animals.
You lot support a clearly unjust law that allows men cheat on women and forces women to be faithful to cheating bastards.

Personally I don't believe this mumbo jumbo stuff but seeing the sheer number of likes and posts supporting this act is just disgusting.
People supporting this crap are those that are angry or jealous of Regina daniels new found wealth; poor struggling men who will forever hate women that refuse to struggle with them in poverty and miserable women who are stuck with poor men who treat them like thrash even after sticking by them in their times of need.

You fools need to leave Regina alone and face your life, she married a man for money and SO WHAT?? Is it not better than marrying a frustrated poor man that will always take out his insecurities on his wife and conclude that she is disrespecting him if she shows any type of displeasure or anger at any point in time. Worst of all is that those broke men always turn out to be ungrateful bastards when they finally make money. They will definitely start cheating on the woman that started with them when they were poor and neglect her emotional needs. Some will even dump the women sef.I support Regina Daniels.

I wish more women will take care to ensure that their husbands can provide for them before marriage

Look at all these hypocrite fools crying because women want secure men.

On the other thread they were advising each other to only marry financially secure women and on another thread they encouraging rich men to dump wives that struggled with them when they were poor.

Foolss.

Any woman reading this better use her sense, marry a financially secure man so your kids won't suffer and struggle.

Nigerian men want very submissive wives that they can control and order around but when you ask them to make sure they can provide for such a woman they start foaming at the mouth like rabid dogs.

I am not even surprised, no be Nigerian men?

For job they want sex,
For passing female students in universities they want sex
To allow housemaid live in peace they want sex
For releasing females from prison they want sex

Mtsheeww

Then they will come out after sexually abusing innocent girls and start looking for how to blame women for their sex obsession

Some stupid men really think because men are in the military or because they do hard labour that makes them more suited for leadership positions. Very typical of how short sighted and selfish male reasoning is.

Men Should be the ones fighting in the military because they are the ones that cause wars in the first place with their careless egotistical and self centered decisions that almost always wreck the economy and the lives of citizens.

If your stupid arses are superior because you fight wars or because you do hard labour that must mean men are equally useless because majority of the world's problems are caused by men. Is it armed robbery? That men carry out far more than women?
Or mass murders, or rapes, or kidnapping, or ritual killing, serial killing, yahoo scamming, pant thieves and pedophiles?

Superior indeed.

ImaIma1:
And you think you are in the best position to help them especially with this post you created?

A troubled marriage is a serious thing and the last thing a woman in that situation needs is a thread on Nairaland inciting any form of division or disunity rather than seeing a marriage/professional counselor or calling family together.

Its a public forum, I can start any type of thread I like for any reason I like. Your opinion makes no difference to me.

ImaIma1:
Sista i can open ANY thread and comment on it.

No be only eat their cake and have it. Gender wars up and down.

You are tired of topics like this but you still open it and comment on it?
Read and understand topic you refused, in your mind this thread is for gender wars.

Its very shameful. Threads like this are powering to women in troubled marriages but its their fellow woman that is coming here to say she is tired of them.

ImaIma1:
Surely there are still noble men out there...focus on those ones. Surround yourself with positivity instead.

It is getting tiring seeing threads complaining about men and women.

Anty abeg next time dont open the thread if you don't like them.

No be only its getting tiring.

emmaodet:
I know of families were the women earn very high and still respects their husbands.
Some are even holding big posts in their respective offices and you won't know.
Am not saying men are saints because alot too are uncultured and irresponsible but believe me, we are having high rate of irresponsible ladies nowadays with wrong foundations who should be far, far, far ,far away from marriage. It is a bitter truth that the average lady won't agree with me

Okay. Many women should be far, far far, far away from marriage abi?
Men nko? Those ones that are known to be less compassionate and more criminal minded that women, their own case is worse. An unmeasurable number of men also have no business getting married.
What about the unrepentant cheats and irresponsible men who abandon their children or the wife beaters or lazy efulefus that refuse to provide if they find out that their wives make a lot of money Or the ones that abuse their daughters or the ones that endanger their families with their criminal activities or the ones sneaking and sleeping with house helps if wife goes out, or drunkards or eegbo smokers or sociopaths frustrating their wives under the guise of being head of house?

Mtsheew

cococandy:
While I agree with most of this post, I don’t agree with 100% submission from the woman if the man is the 100% breadwinner.

There’s more to marriage than money and it doesn’t matter if he brings in millions of dollars every month and she brings in nothing. She’s still a human being who has a right to be heard in that marriage. Her opinion should ALWAYS be considered in the running of the home. ALWAYS.

And vice versa (for those who need it to be said).

I never said a man earning 100% of bread means the wife should submit 100% as well.
I only criticized the selfish nature of some husbands demanding to rule totally over their wives even while she contributes money to his feeding and wellbeing

crackhaus:
Find your man, the one who is exactly what you desire as perfect for you... and have a happy life.

The day you realize that the only man who matters is the one you choose to be with, the better for you. Leave nairaland guys and most Nigerian men to be what they want, you can not succeed in making every male fit into your definition of what a man should be.

You know what you want in a man, seek him and pay no attention to the majority.

Cheers.

Well said.
But the truth is that some people who have oppressive, lazy and selfish mindset that women MUST provide and submit completely may read this thread and realize that marriage is partnership based on love not master/ slave arrangement.
I might just be helping someones marriage.

Icekeeng:
It's a PUBLIC forum, emphasis on PUBLIC. if you can't stand the heat..... don't even think of creating a thread!

Thank God you know it's a public forum for public comments so if you yourself cannot stand my posts then skip them next time.

bukatyne:

I don't believe non earning equals disrespect.

One of my in-laws had a housewife because he wanted her to travel with him anywhere he went. He esteemed her so much they she was the ONLY mediator between her husband and everyone else.

There was so much romance that in their 70s, they bathed together and when the man died, the wife followed two weeks later.

Even death couldn't separate them.

And I have seen several earning wives, breadwinning wives who are constantly disrespected by their earning and non-earning husbands.

As much as the West have laws in place to cushion the effect of a divorce, no law can make a man treat his woman right.

That's why the onus is on her to choose well.

Its very nice to see the way you are very very objective and always seeing things from objective point of view
In all your posts
Wow, such objectivity

So nice


By the way I didn't say not earning equals disrespect. Everything I write here surely doesn't apply to every single man on earth, I don't have to keep repeating 'some men' or 'most men' in every post about men for people to know this.

I didn't say earning equals disrespect. Some men disrespect their wives because they don't earn anything or don't provide anything. Its a very common thing in Nigeria.

Richy4:
I loved how u defined team work and cleverly omitted who was gonna take that final decisions.. the leader right? (The man )

in every social animal , there's always a hierarchy... Try and study the elephants.. even Lions to some extent( I said to some extent because in the case of the Lions, the lionesses provides and are still submissive to the lion which I believe if u hear it one more times u might remove your wigs and it will spoil your holiday mood )

Going by the Good Book's teaching, It says that a woman should be a help mate... since you wanna talk about this in financial bases... if the man decide to pay for the mortgage...and takes care of other bulky expenses, and the woman being the help-mate uses her income to buy groceries for the family... does that mean she was feeding the family? How did u know that the word submit means total slavery...?

Since we're talking about financial angle of marriage
Are u gonna Okay it for a woman to totally submit to the rich husband who was really abusive... Yes, he provided all her need.. she was not lacking in anything money can buy therefore it is politically correct for him to have every right overy her.... and she should submit totally because he was providing.... is that how marriage is viewed this days...?

Are we gonna base our argument on submission on percentage of provision in the family? .. If we provide 50-50, I can't totally submit... if I provide 100% you have all my submission... then if I provide 40% and u provide 60%, who am I to tell u what to do? Haba!! Even my grandma will roll in her grave in astonishment if she hears what the daughters of the land were implying

I didn't do anything with the definition of team work. In teamwork, opinions of team members decide final decisions taken and leadership roles are assigned according to how members of the team can handle roles in the organisation.

In a team you can change leadership positions to more suitable members of the team based on the intelligence and superior ability of the elected team member to handle the task at hand.

In the case of total submission the wife always submits whether she is happy with the decision taken or not. She can not make final decisions on her own or assume control at any point. Her opinion may even lbe disregarded when the final decision is taken


In a team, the man will have to submit to the wife's authority in areas where the wife is more skilled or knowledgeable.

Submission shouldn't be decided based on percentage of provision. That is another topic entirely.

My topic is to admonish men who want to boss their wives around and control every aspect of the home even after she becomes co breadwinner. She should also decide and the man will have to submit to her decisions once in a while as well.