₦airaland Forum

Biglittlelois:
A man is allowed to cheat if the wife withhold sex, but a woman shouldn't because she didn't pay bride price, even though she pays the bills, isn't that hypocrisy and ironic?

Hypocritical and ironic is the default mindset of 90% Nigerian men.
I already knew the guy will continue insisting that men can cheat while women cannot, I knew it even before I asked that question

Ameboperoo:
You are misquoting him.
He said
1. if the woman in question paid the bride price to marry the man from him family
2 She is the owner of the house or maybe the one who rents the house where they both live.
3. YIMU.
She might not necessarily be the bread winner of the house (according to his post)

Men are a bag of laughs

So paying bride price and house rent is enough to justify infidelity and adultery?

TonyeBarcanista:
A wife, whose husband denies her sex is permitted to seek alternative but she must first ensure that she is the one that paid dowry to marry her husband from his family and the house she is living with her husband belongs to HER.

YIMU

Okay so it's fine for a woman who is handling the family financial responsibilities to sleep around?

TonyeBarcanista:
A woman's body belongs to her husband and vice versa.

Except for reason that has to do with health or stress, a wife has no right denying sex to her husband.

If she is aggrieved, she may be forgiven for denying him temporarily but it must be sorted as soon as possible!

However, any man whose wife deny him of intercourse should not force it. Except for reasons that have to do with her health, stress or temporal grievances, he should consider having alternative should she deny him his conjugal right.

This is one reason our ancestors permitted polygamy. People sit up when there are alternatives to them!

What should a wife do if her husband constantly denies her sex? Is seeking of alternative permitted to wives?

bukatyne:
When I talk rape, I like to focus majorly on pedophilic encounters or cases where girls are forced at gun point, lonely corners, uncompleted buildings etc.

Date rape (except when the girl is drugged), consent/no consent, 'going to sleep in a guy's house and he penerated when I told him to stop at MouthAction', drunk 'unconsented' sex buyer's remorse after sex etc. snearios are honestly outside my alley

Do you believe the bolded part can be regarded as rape?
I am actually surprised that you put unconsented in quotes when talking about drunk sex .
Bukatyne dear, do you believe a drunk person can consent to sex?

And do you think women that sleep over at men's houses were not raped even if they were forcefully penetrated?

TeeBabss:
I can't agree less with you, you made a valid point to be realistic.
But in reality 'you can't trust these girls'. They're mostly looking for a way to coverup there messed up past or bad upbringing, therein, you don't have any way to validate their claim.
When you check things out, go to some core areas or city, and see how small small girls dey misbehave sexually, you won't have any benefit of doubt for the matured ones..

But what we need is sexual education, parental education, a distinct moral structure, good mental rehab (for victims) and strong legislation against rape.

L[b]OL. I was out with 2 friends yesterday, they now pointed a girl to me jokingly. I replied 'guys, this is child abuse, this one wey be like JS3 students[/b]'
One of them responded 'she fit look like JS3 student facially o, but down dow she be postgraduate student guy '
It's our fvcking mentality

Men are the ones sleeping with the so called girls with questionable past, na them dey carry ashawo up and down but they always want to marry a clean fresh untainted virgin.
Very ironic abi hypocritical, I dont know which one is the right word to use

Prognose:
Why would a woman marry a man if she isn't into him sexually?

For such women, aren't they worried that eventually the man will start going outside since he isn't receiving intimacy at home?

Some got married as virgins so had no idea about the incompatibility

U

RisenPhoenix:
That is not the main reason for women marrying. As long as the wife's financial future is secured, her husband need not even have a penis at all. She will find alternative ways to satisfy herself.

Men marry for regular sex as well as to secure their bloodline through children, so the quality of sex they get is important. Of course, men are getting shortchanged these days. They neither get quality sex post wedding, nor are their bloodlines secure, considering how many fail DNA paternity tests. That is why many men are opting out of marriage.

While I agree that women do not get married primarily for sex I don't think that sexual fulfilment not important for women. You mentioned many women cheating and having kids from infidelity a number of times, ok so why do you think they cheat or have sex outside to the point of getting pregnant and having kids for other men?
Fine they sometimes look for other means like intimacy gadgets to satisfy themselves when the man is not doing that but it's just because society is very harsh on promiscous married women and overlooks infidelity in men. Remove the stigma cheating wives face and you will be shocked by the number of married women that will seek quality sex outside instead of sticking to 2 inch prick 30 seconds sex husbands.

Many men just love complaining, your wife cannot kill herself because she aged and her vagina became less tight, at least when you have sex with her you can still have orgasm. Many women don't even know what orgasm feels like but they don't blame men.

Ujuvals1:
Thank you dear, this is a good advise.

I have already posted his name.His phone no in Nigeria is switched off since the day he travelled.i can post that too if it will yield any result.

The truth is that we dont have his picture.My husband uses a nokia torchlight fone so they havent snapped or anything like that.Most of the guys in the market do not come with Android due to the nature of their job, spare parts which has grease and dirt and many of them use simple fones so they dont really have his picture.He isnt a social media person so we dont have his social media details too or is possible he hid that info from everyone.The guy is sha dangerous honestly.

The men that he duped went to his home, his not even married and his fiance at home whom they told was so shocked.They even made attempt to arrest her but again she isnt aware and what offence canshe really be accused of so at the long run they left her.

This man just wrecked many people, if i had his full picture or even quater picture i for even tag every social media handle i know because he put my life on hold due to his foolishness and greed.

As i dont have it, let God fight for me.For everyday i struggle to work i
and repay the loan my sweat is with him so his entire life will be useless.That abroad he think he was smart to go to, every night i pray and call his name,No peace for the wicked.

He will go and come back empty handed and if eventually he makes itthe God of justice will settle my case and put him where he belongs.I am still searching for more details on him.It is well.

Thanks alot sis, and thanks to everyone that has reached out.Godbless you all.

It's ok, maybe you just don't want to be bothered by it.
Many people would have tried to get his pictures and destroy his life online.

But do what makes you happy, good luck.

OP try to get your pound of flesh abeg

Post the guys details online, if truly he travelled abroad, employers in developed countries always Google search names of those they are hiring to get background info that the applicants might try to hide

You can get evidence from yourself and other people and post on and other free platforms. Put his pictures there, showing different angles of his face and his full name. If he tries to get a job abroad and his potential boss googles his name he will he exposed as a criminal.

Don't let this guy go Scot free please.

Actually with increasing age muscle tonicity decreases, men find it difficult or impossible to sustain hard erections and some can't even get erections whether hard or soft,
Likewise aging makes the vagina looser than before unless the woman is a fitness buff or does frequent Kegel exercises. Most times its simply aging causing the vagina to get looser than before and not childbirth.

Besides this is a fake story, I don't know if its seun or other mods doing it for traffic or just random attention seekers starting these fake story threads these days

They are becoming too much.

See how men are obsessed with sex, crying like children on OP's behalf because the thing dey pain them

Sex is oxygen for men apparently

If women go nuts like this over sex issues their stupid arses will come here to call them olosho and prostitute and who knows what else, yet somehow the dirty obsession men have with sex is very fine and dandy.

OP write the man's full name here, name and shame him
Even if you can't catch him at least you can expose him as a crook

Lol
Nigerian men are professional complainers
Endless threads from these whiners

Ladycewhy:
i don't know how people do it but i cant . Many things i have seen when you try to help people especially the entitled ones,this i have seen countless times. They will have more memories of the bad times they had in your house than the good times.lol. I personally would rather you come and tell me i want to start a business or learn a trade so i can fend for my children than to come and tell me to help you raise your child. I feel its gross irresponsibility to push your parental duties to another person.

That's just it.

I have seen a case where the child grew up and started badmouthing the woman who took care of her till she left university, that was a woman that will beat her own kids with belt and electric cable but never beat or insult her foster child if she did wrong.

afroxyz:
but I dey quote you. leave that your disjointed reasoning. do you do things for people to.appreciate you or you do things because you wanna help. anu!!

Na you be anu. You and you alone
Again, I don't care what you think or what you have to write.

afroxyz:
only women think like this. Why am I not surprised. our housemaid wey dey always come back give thanks and even came for our wedding is an alien abi? abeg leave. once o child is not your own you people (women) always harbour hate. Even female animals do it, so I'm not surprised your comments

Oga I really don't care what your opinion is, no be you I quote so I don't understand why you are telling me about your life history

Ladycewhy:
wicked and heartless more than men? Lol you mean the same men that are raping even babies? Or the same men raping and killing women? You mean the same men butchering a human being and selling the parts for 1k each? Which of the men ? .Don't get me started lol .



I have seen both worlds ,the one that takes care of the child as if he is hers and another that treats the dog better than the child. The only conclusion i can draw is i personally cannot raise another person's child. Not because i cant treat them right, but because no matter how much you try to integrate them into your family,you will never be accorded that parental love. Punishment you will normally give to your kids will be seen as maltreatment you will hear things like "its because they are not my parents".And in their adult stage they leave your house and forget all you did for them.

Wow, this is so true

Even if you are as kind as an angel, they will see maltreatment because they are not your kids

And they will go out and tell people you maltreatment then even when you treat them exactly the way you treat your own kids. They will still keep imagining that they are being maltreated.

Mypeople2:
You are that kind of person that can leave a banker for an oil worker .Then move to politician .Thereafter Dankote and finally marry a broke guy .We know una type .In ten years from now,we will know afar .It is not by mouth.We will see the one you will marry and what he will become after you have married him. He won't want to introduce you to guys wealthier than him because you know na sister .Finally don't forget ,ONE DISASTER CAN TURN A BILLIONAIRE TO A KOBONIAN

Likewise millionaires can become richer every day. Have you taken a closer look at the Nigerian economy? Do you know how hard it is for people to break out of poverty through legit means?
Yet you want women to stay with poor men that will control them and boss them around.

If I ask you to choose between a broke woman and a financially independent woman I am sure we both know what your answer will be.

Subzero047:
[s][/s]

When it comes to responsibilities this one don forget Feminism and listing the PRIMARY roles in society

Sharapp

I haven't forgotten feminism
This topic is for women that don't want their kids to suffer in future.

I was on a thread on this same nairaland one day when some women were arguing that nothing is wrong with employing underage maids.

One woman spoke up to critisize it and the others pounced on her and started making fun of her.

These wicked madams are everywhere unfortunately, even on nairaland. I think emphasis should be placed on the importance of family planning after marriage to prevent people giving birth to children they cannot cater for and have to send off to live with an evil, abusive woman instead.

LINTUNE:
not in this 21st century..BTW I thought women are calmouring for gender equality, why do some still have this kind of crude mentally.

Because many men still think cleaning, cooking and taking care of children is beneath them
Majority of guys don't want equal partnership marriage, they want a woman who will obey their every command, be submissive to them and also do housework while being a co breadwinner

LINTUNE:
if u say for the jobless guys,I agree with u..but the hustling guy who is earning 100k, do u know if he has an independent,supportive woman,life won't be that hard..but if that same guy eats 300k and has a liability as woman,he might not even be able to feed himself properly..try and understand my point ok ..we are in the 21st century ,women should be self made too,men has been self made,ever since the day of creation..

Ok women should be self made, fine

But it's the primary duty of the husband to provide for the family.

LINTUNE:
..what's ur definition of broke, we have men that can take care of women properly,even with kids ,but due to the low mentality of most Nigerian women,the mentality that women don't need to make money,they can also be taken care of by their hubby. When a guy earning 150k has a supportive woman,who Evans say ,80k ,he is actually not broke..but when he earns 500k,and has a woman that's got no job,a woman that can only spend his money,nothing to add to his life other than sex,then such ma is broke ..try and understand where I'm coming from..we men want independent ladies..with such ladies,our average income will be able to sustain us,at least we wont be that broke.

Yes I explained it in my original post that different women have different standards for what a good provider should be.

Some women are ok with a guy earning 100k and some are ok with a guy earning 500k, it depends on individual preference. The point is to avoid the struggling ones who cannot provide for the family the way they the females are ok with.

I wouldn't have made this thread but the increasing hypocrisy of nairaland men who always claim broke women are useless is what got me pissed.

LINTUNE:
..this table u are shaking .. ..hmm

I no dey shake table o
Am being realistic

I have seen two threads today where guys adviced themselves to not date or marry broke women but when women say avoid broke guys they get angry and start throwing insults.

BigJoe19:
The advise you gave is the reason why rich men marry many wives when all the women are all trying not to marry a broke man, I know a man who used to be worth very close to been a billionaire but right now he is living a poor life after loosing Money from bad investments and I also know guys that were extremely broke before but now stupendously rich.

Likewise there are poor men who remained poor their whole lives and rich men who got even richer than before.

praz001:
Ladies need to know that the present rich men were once broke and they got a wife who stood by them.....
When you keep on focusing on getting married to a rich guy you might miss out on the wealthy guy...
Not all men will rise to start living large like Davido... it's a process.
To those who are waiting for the rich dude, happy waiting..... And to those who are ready to build with their man, keep building.....
Being broke today does not mean broke forever..

Good, if you become rich in future kindly get married to a broke woman because even she has the potential to make it in life

So stick with her and build her up from her poverty

All the broke men shedding tears on my thread will you please STFU!

Nobody wants to be associated with poverty, deal with it. And you men are so disgustingly selfish and entitled, you will not want to associate with a broke woman or financially dependent woman but you want women to put up with broke bums.

You can go straight to hell with your selfish theories. I still maintain my stand that women should avoid broke guys like a plague, many of them are just useless and egotistical, they have basically nothing to offer in relationships/marriage, at least a broke wife will be obedient and submissive to her husband because she doesn't want to get thrown out into the cold with nothing to her name.
A broke wife will still cook and care for children and keep the house in one piece and act as sex slave, yes sex slaves to their husbands because majority of married women are sexually unfulfilled
At least a broke wife will not be useless

A broke bum husband will be filled with so many insecurities, seeing disrespect where there is none, demanding endless subservience from his wife who is doing her best to maintain the marriage and they have the potential to start cheating on the woman should they by mistake end up becoming successful one day, many of them pay back their wives who supported them in times of difficulties with infidelity and strings of extra marital affairs.

Crimpsy:
If most ladies follow dis topic written here, it will leave Dem single, bitter and also depressed.
If you check the percentage of men in the country:
Graduates no get work most have to start afresh to learn business after schooling and Nysc.
Non graduates no get work except they engage in other things to make money.
So u see, there is no rich man anywhere.
My advice is for ladies to build and stand with their man, because u can't tell d content of a book by its cover.
For those who refuse to listen,take sand,cement and water create the rich man yourself.

LADIES
Please don't fall for this guy's scare tactics

You will get a rich hardworking guy that can provide for his family and give his children quality life, don't settle for broke poor bums

Just search the right places, established men are waiting for you.

Khalidase83:
No one needs to be told; Besides, why shud a broke man even contemplate marriage in the first place. Those shouting broke woman here and there, listen, it is not a woman's place(after marriage) to provide any form of finance in the home. It is solely the husband's responsibility. The society we live in now is what seen to place that burden on women but from the beginning it wasn't so.

This is why I like Muslim men
They never run from responsibility

Godfullsam:
The difference is that there is entitlement undertone in what the OP wrote.

My stance is that, ladies should not feel entitled to what they didn't work for just because they are in a relationship.

Love is a mutual thing.

It's not entitlement young man
Every society has its rules and culture, in Nigerian society women are expected to PRIMARILY be responsible for house keeping and child bearing and child care while she submits to her husband and obeys his authority. There is an exchange going on.

The man on the other hand is PRIMARILY responsible for breadwinning and being a good leader.

Women don't just come with no contribution and expect husband to cater for them, they are expected to do his bidding and keep his house on order.

Even of you hire a housemaid to do everything your wife is doing at home, ie every day cooking and cleaning and nanny work, you will still pay the housemaid.

Buy men want women to just come live with them and do these things free of charge without expecting some sort of financial compensation from the guy.

I am not saying women shouldn't support their husbands by working or bringing money, they should do that if they want but it's not their primary duty.