₦airaland Forum

@ Emidon

OMG! I almost lost control of my spoon

18 days, 13 hrs and 34 mins

Perfect Val's day gift? thought Seun said a "diick in a box" would do!


I'm getting her a VERY Big Card, 5'6"ft high. So i'll write all the love poems i have in my diary on it so that by this time next year, she'll still be reading, if at all she reads fast

PART I

XSi thA GrEAt doing the 06 Rap up
Y'all dozing when ya asked for it so pull your straps up
I heard there was a site where peeps were getting laid
So i decided to check in since I wasn't getting paid
To my amazement, 17776 peeps already clowning
So I logged in how much of chics i'll soon be downing
March 13 like friday the thirteenth got initiated like Klint
Are peeps here cults or am I just a klondike saint
I said to myself it'll be a lil while before I get em to pay
So i'm paying back now back the heck off or take cover tha soapist's bout to spray

Hot Angel be the reigning name who's Hot Stepper?
Another dude tried to follow suit claiming he Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Newbies and post seekers flood the Forum Games that's normal
But why take that mentality to the Sports thread is you a normad
Osegwu's wanking so hard he can't get off Radiant's butts
Chxta burst a nut defaulted confronted and stamped his gutts
This dude Jackal can't seem to amaze, he's the tripple trinity
30 Nairaland ID's and running we'll see what happens at infinity
Shishi's a sissy, he messed his runs up and Eve disappeared
Another heartbreaker in contention can't be no other than Walelead
And why the Hell's Mukina proving hard to get
Genial, Jamming and pages of Hot toasters i had to forget
Hey Lordi, it's obvious you take Nairaland IDs to YIM
If you get spam offlines on a daily basis it's him

I ain't bringing back cases of mistaken identities
Nwoke was the same as Seun if y'all didnt get fitts
I bet it, he got harrassed by Igbo wizards
Taking things personal like Agama lizards
Bolex got his mouth talking faster than Chris Tucker
Got in Trae_z's shoes and did the bouncing buster
More peeps followed and forums came up like they were going out of fashion
I joined 4 or 6 and got sanctioned thank God didn't get involved now they're auctioned
I got too personal treating peeps like brothers and showing emotions
Right before the time Papermoon came up causing commotion
Nairaland peeps united cried wailed and empathised
Everyone keeping calm never seen someone so much sympathised
Till we woke up one morning and the news in the air was incorrect
Our beloved was the second in history to ressurrect

What a bullshit, everyone was thrown in frenzy
Oh God How hard i fell for that shit was damn crazy
So i left those came down to Music and Sports
What it do mean? Wannabees infiltrating the threads and sorts
Talking guns like they carrots using the f-b-n words like they peanuts
Caring peeps tried to convince but they cared not
Then flomirakulaz and hoodloyalz started pulling each other's diccks
If pulling made em longer then they should supply cables to AT & T's
And in the end who won? who cares son
Many have exchanged handshakes but beef still burns
Then the tourney came up and lyricists exposed some
Toosyno hit the nail on the head and disposed some
Who the hell is this Naijafan running his mouth like McLaren
I'm short of words kind of making me look like i'm barren

Then news came that Nairaland would be sold to the Glazers
But youtube was sold instead we took off to the blazers
Yousendit became the tool of music laundering
Thanks to young_digi and Mr_metoo for slandering
Now i'm hammering on Admin to give us a sub forum
I'm sick of sharing pages with babies on colostrum
Menike claimed he was leaving and quick came the Colonel
Trust Nairaland rappers they attacked him all d way down the tunnel
Romantic wanking wasn't that cute after all that bloat
Jammin' got a spanking and now blackmailers got a scapegoat
Attention seekers getting unlimited unnecessary audience
This is uncalled for how the hell does this end in ambience?
People doing almost anything to get more posts
Y'all better learn from this dude davidjames a good boast
Spent 41 days on Nairaland without a post just 6 votes
Hotangel's record yet to be beaten ya'll keep creating more ghosts
One sick/heartbroken Nairaland released a list of pissers - off
Jobless responders clicked fast responding to suckers' bluffs

Sex sells yea and that's everwhere
Sex threads get thousands of replies in "deux heures"
Check out the Romance thread filled up like Oshodi on Monday
Hope they find they imaginary lovers someday
Jokes ain't funny no more we're just recycling
Till SAM MILLA came by gave us the sassy grills
Bioye predicted right, Nairaland hitting round figures month in month out
While others be counting shooting stars some got knocked out
Seventy thousand and counting Celtel Noticed
Got Nairaland on their WAP site can't wait go see

Pictures got knocked off signatures, where's Grizzly
Plus i saw one from gorillaz and bananas that got me dizzy
Then the location virus hit personal mailboxes like drug pins
Half claiming Houston when ya'll leave in Brixton
Hope those security guards leave Pekham come join the Army recruits
Yellow dude get those timbs off your profile they look like LASTMA boots
Some got flying carpets shuttling between the Gambia and Saudi
Ipj Representing any hustling morning i'm up and Audi


Goats don't get Nairaland Awards for daft posting so it never materialized
Homepage's now filled with romance links we think it's sectionalized
I'm sick of writing, prolly sicker than paddy_lo's pen
I to bed it's begining to get warm like lionheart's den
Peace to Gbade.x and Mukina2's mommas
Someday we gon be 2getha again we'll be overcomers
Besides burials,2 double 06 was the bomb leave sentiments behind
If you didn't learn a thing or two then ya better rewind


I'm out! YEAP!!

Cos there's no discipline

@ Wavemasta,

I have about 3 of my guys who stuck by me thru d school days but still ended up with 3.4 smths. They never partied or had a diff life they did their best but luck was just not there. One of them now works with a major company, earning 175k per month and has MCSE, CCNP, so let's cut the crap like everyone who works hard gets a 2-1, it just doesnt always work that way.

Another fact is the foundation. If your 100 level is woeful (which is usually the case due to people trying to settle down, admission procedure, name not coming out on time and stuffs) and depending on the grading system e.g. Uniben, U.I, O.A.U. your subsequent exploits may not improve your chances.

Don't see 2-2's or even 3rd classes as poor people. Academic excellence is basically theoretical, practical, hands-on is something else. I noticed the flaw with bookworms in my labs, they just couldn't hold down the practicals like they cram their books. Guy, being a programmer is a different case entirely.

@ Kit,

How come the eldest was 21? Well no be all tom dik cat and mouse they go dat kin school sha. The eldest in my set was about 26 and we had about 4 of such in my class. I finished 98 and those guys were born between 76 and 78, the average age in my set was 1979 and that boils down to 19.

Yea CISA is another hot one, and SAP too.

Inamego:
I believe all the Port Harcourt men cheat on their wives

You are speaking from experience i concur!

Yes me too, My real surname is Maina, i'm Kikuyu, my girlfriend is Masai without a hole in her ears. We live in Kawangware, welcome to shillingsland !!!


No mind me o, kenyan boy how u dey??

Wow. Thank Goodness, Naija peeps are doing well in international contests. Just last Year F6 was the talk of the town, now it's Vizion. I've voted for him.

Koko is right about that list and i'm following it down in that order till i touch 5 and for God's sake i'll have to skip 3 and 4

Meanwhile of all professional exams, i think ACCA are the only ones with a valid accompanying University Degree. BSc. Applied Account.

CCIE on the other hand is, if not the most sought after IT Cert.

I have nothing to say, but i'll summarize this in my mother's rawrest of transliterations!

You are merely using your ( ) to launch a kite!

BTW,

I witnessed the first Lagos Interview for UBA, the turnout was about 20,000 or more (and guess what min. qualification was 2-2)! The interview couldn't hold - to thy tents o isreal!

The laziest department in any Company is the HR and maybe Marketing as well, so in order to reduce paperwork and sorting (some don't even use the online stuff they have on their site!) they just limit apps to 2-1 and 1st class.

So keep developing urself and gaining experience. No man is born with it but you see applications now adays.

Maximum age: 25 with 7 years experience!

Where the experience been come from? No one is even discussing the issue of Age discrimination, so if you are 30 years of age, a fresh graduate with a 2-2 are you entirely hopeless?

Firstly,

To all with "workable" degrees, ya'll should remember that your grade gives you a head above others when the "opportunity" comes calling or at best makes you attractive and "marketable" job-wise. It does not in any way determine your destiny or how rich you'll be.

Some people leave the University with a pass (some already have a managerial position for grabs @ their father's company or better still with "connections" on ground). Some just don't care whatever (artistes, footballers, athletes, ) cos they do not depend on "papers" or cos they just could not settle down with academics.

Originally, no one goes to school with the aim of leaving with nothing (a few exceptions of course), but fingers are not equal, that is some get lucky, others don't. No matter how hard you work, if you fall between 1st class and 2nd lower, please count yourself lucky. I'm not saying the 3rd classes are hopeless (most of them end up being enterprenueurs, don't even bother to look for jobs and they end up successful. A friend of mine has earned over 2 million on his own in the last 16 months working on his freaking own. Many 2-1's are still @ home, some trying to do nysc again since they couldnt hold down a petty business, that bad)

So you can imagine.


@ Topic.

I do not blame those guys for that at all. A friend was at an interview, with about 24 guys and one lady in attendance. After waiting 2 hours without any response from the HR, everyone was frustrated. He decided to open his big mout and ask his fellow "job seekers" why they should be waiting for so long after the advert said "Outright Interview" while you bring your original credentials along. "2-1 no easy o". As he yelled 2-1, all eyes turned to him. A lousy guy asked "you mean you have a 2-1", the soapist continued "Yes of course, una think say na 2-2 i get?", didn't you see the advert, "First Class Graduates only, 2-1 or less need not apply!". To his utmost surprise, he was the only 2-1 amongst them, then he wondered, if all these First class guys are still searching, why the hell am i still in the country.

Homie wrote his gmat, got a yankee masters app accepted and MARRIED AN AKATA! End of his chapter.

Morale of the story:2-2 used to be the min. qualification, now companies like glo only accept 2-2 applications for "fine girls only" and some banks too, now the bar has been raised higher to 2-1, with the rate of unemployment doubling and trippling, you'll soon see a post on Nairaland saying" why should Nigerian Railway Corporation discriminating between First Class and 2-1."

Until recently Bank Cashiers used to have a min. qualification of OND, sometimes even WASSCE! but today, Many banks go for 2-1 graduates with professional qualification including Certifications and put them on the counter. In the next few years, we'll have PHD as a minimum qualification for Security men, not just Company Drivers. Yes it's getting worse by the day.

Many graduates are out there in the UK doing their masters, before you know it, masters will become a min. requirement for most jobs. Presently professional qualifications are being sort after and you know they devalue with time, e.g. MCP, CCNA, ICAN . . .

So don't be surprised. It's Naija. The government know what it's like graduating from a Naija university and it's obvious they have no value for it. And Finally, whatever degree you end up with, no matter where you find yourself (we have Petrochemical Engineers in Banks now, don't know what kind of department ) develop yourself in and out and always be on the look out for opportunities. Study more write professional exams/certs, do a masters if you can and keep developing yourself, someday you may have to leave a paid job and start off your biz and stop depending on some mofo LNG or NNPC or Mobil A$$es!

Your acceptance of your 2-2 or 3-0 as destiny is your own undoing and may you never forgive yourself for that!

if to say you no thank me, you for get Headbutts on your YIM the next morning!

Pastor Kit, abi na Rev Kint, you no dey sleep ni? Nature dey beckon be i wan go crash land and the kin snore wey I go snore go pass Materazzi head butt sef, if you or Zidane or Delvecchio show up for my dream, i go headbutt una myself.

Till early mo' mo' e go be. Hustling resumes 2moro ke? Gnyte nairalanders home and abroad.

Me? Set? I've been a coach all along o. I have boys in my team, they play for MONEY, (BETTING ONLY!) , if you get an unreasonable, selfish Red card, you are out of the team.

If I take you out to play form and you earn a red card, i have to pay for that red card and you are out of the team for good. You dig?

Guys pls leave Galatico alone (abi na Gala[b]c[/b]tico?) He has decided to create a blog where he'll post all his topics (does he post replies sef? ) so that should sum it all up.

THanks man for this development. It's strictly yours, send a mail to Seun so that he can lock other users from replying to it. They can only view it. But if after this you post all your thoughts as new topics then i won't support you. The REPLY button is more like it!

Common, DON't HEADBUTT! full stop. You can retaliate but not at the spot and if you chose to do so, do tit for tat that's only if the Ref(s) aren't watching!

I schooled @ Alimosho Grammar School Lagos PUBLIC!

Are you sure average age was 18/19? I'm learning something here actually, good to note that then. But I tell you, for Aligrams dat tym? I doubt if our average was 18/19 abi dem dey use football age for una school too?

@ Kit and Akola,

Can't you guys see "AVERAGE!"

Even today in some secondary schools, there are still agbayas like 22 and 23. Average age now is 16 - 18 though. Jeez, i was almost 9 when I got into sec school.

@ Kit,

For God's sake you are a paid professional who earns 60,000 pounds a week and you know the implication of your inability to curb your anger. As ferocious as Keane - Viera issues were they wouldn't take it out on the pitch to that extent. There could be bust ups under the tunnel but no head butts on the pitch. Only wrestlers do the talking with their heads. Zidane and Del Vecchio are Italian soccer giants and i don't think there's riskier soccer elsewhere, I tell you Kit, they've been confronted with such a situation before. I can bet that.

To resist Materrazzi(s), Keep your head up and keep an eye on the Manager.

Because am an expensive guy with an expensive babe, i decided to buy my expensive babe an expensive phone. loaded with expensive credit. One day i decided to go in my expensive suit to visit my expensive babe in her expensive flat to take her to an expensive restaurant. On getting there, she was having her bath in the bathroom. suddenly her expensive phone rang, the caller I.D showed MAGA ONE, as an expensive guy, i laughed that this poor guys wont stop disturbing my babe. but as a guy, i reasoned "what might this girl save my name with, 'maybe Honey as she fondly calls me" i decided to dial her number. Guess what i saw MAGA 17.

The Blind Girl.

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."

@ Crazy Kid,

I never knew you were in the[b] legion of assholes[/b] (or what else have they not called us?)

These jokes are off da hook.

(Subscribing)

Kola got fired?

I saw it coming!

Ashley Young (watford) ---> Aston Villa (#8million)


@ Kit,

Yea Abesan is like 6 minutes drive from my house. I schooled at Aligrams and I remember back then whenever we played on Abesan's ground it had to be hell, bottles and "LEBE" (Leventis) and you remember back then in 1993, an average WAEC candidate had to be 24-26 years of age. Why are we bastardizing soccer for God's sake?

@ Kit,

I don't have much to say. Del Vecchio's been banned for 3 games as well as been "fined by his club" for the shameful, unprofessional,unnecessary and unreasonable reaction. So that alone says half of it.

The second half is the only indispensable player i've seen in a long time has been Rafael Van Dar Vaart, besides the sales of the major defenders, Hamburg are yet to get over the shock of losing him to pre season injury so bad that they lie at the bottom of the Bundesliga, a team that was at the group stages of the Champs league as at late last year.

Needless to say, Porto, Liverpool, Man U and Arsenal have moved on with their lives despite the departure of(lets assume ban on) major men like McCarthy/Mourinho, Owen, Beckham/Keane and Viera/Pires to mention but a few. Even Henry's absence wasn't missed recently and you can testify to that.

Okay let me remind you of this Man City guy who fouled Pedro Mendes (Ben Thatcher, the guy was banned by the FA and heavily fined by the club so no shaking), i guess the guy was sold to another club sef (to Charlton) recently so you can see how ugly it is to over react for nothing.

Hello, This year, all your enemies shall be harassed like Atiku, restless like Chris Ngige, Confused like Chris Uba, Disorganised like PDP, Resigned like Audu Ogbe, Sacked like Peter Obi, Disappointed like Peter Odili, Betrayed like Charles Taylor, Arrested like Sergeant Rogers, Detained like Al-Mustapha, Disgraced like Tafa Balogun, Die like Abacha, if they refuse to die, they will be sentenced to hanging like Pastor King and will finally be hanged like Saddam. Meanwhile, all your competitors shall step down for you like they did to Yaradua, You shall be announced like Duke and Tinapa, You will reclaim what the Devil had earlier stolen like Ladoja while Goodluck shall follow you throughout the days of your life like Johnathan in Jesus mighty name. AMEN.

Guys, i need Lee Lee by Resonance and

Cry by Mode 9 and

Oyinye by Obiwon