₦airaland Forum

deliandy:
now this my neighbor is asking the wife to apologise to the galfrend or ready to be divorced for even talking kindly to his galfrend to pls leave her husband. what are Nigerian men turning cheating to? they have made our women to learn from them kos it has pass to them tru blood. what do I advise this wife?

Well divorce is bad so she should apologize to the babe and save her precious marriage.
When the lady comes visiting, she (wifey) should make some delicious meals for her too. Fix the bed for her and Oga and take the guest room.

Anything that will lead to divorce as long as the man is the one doing it must be tolerated.

FrancisTony:
Okay!.
I've gotten what I want.
This is how christians read bible -- pic attached!

You're preaching to dinachi?

Keep wasting your time.

You think he will advice a man with a cheating wife to get closer to her and know what's happening before whining about divorce?

Their own version of the Christian God is the God of men who has no love for women.

Burntpalace:
And yet, here you were on one of the posted examples...

No be nairaland?
Dem dey shift position as the spirit leads.

All the people on this thread that are acting confused like they don't know such things as stated by the OP happen in real life, will be the first on another thread to tell a woman how she should make sure she limits herself to accommodate what the man wants in a wife.

Chillisauce:
You carry butter rub for body, how flies no go perch on you

Mé na calaman lotion i rub for body o. Flies no dey reach my side again

Calamine lotion.

I remember that stuff

I think there's an argument for both sides of the divide.
I love material things. But I don't think I'm vain.
I also understand the merits of saving and investing.
Very very important

So the solution would be a balance and of course one not living above their means.

I won't lie sha. A new designer bag or shoe or jewelry can cheer you up albeit temporarily if you were having a bad day before going shopping.
So OP maybe it's a source of happiness for those we would term overly materialistic.

People do what makes them happy I guess.

coogar:
hahahaha!
cococandy, you are not watching sophia burset of orange is the new black. if a shim has already been taking hormone supplements before incarceration, the prison has to continue the process. it is shim's fundamental human right to have that medication.

ask around.....

Oh I've watched.
Yes in the movie it portrayed as so. And that's as it should be. (Even in the movie you see the problems she encountered) but that's a movie anyway.

in real life, if you don't have a strong lawyer to fight for you, you'll be seriously down before they do something about it. If they do.

Ask around? I did. That's how I know.
It was even one of the research assignments for my sociology class last quarter. So we talked to real life transsexuals. Not movie people.

The funny thing is if I typed this, flies will perch on me and start attacking like I'm lying.
I guess I told the dude in question to say this. Or we planned it.

Let those that pretend like they don't know it's true continue.
But I know it won't stop others from saying the truth as they see it.

Apart from their drugs or medical consideration which benefits do they get? That's if they even get as much as they should.
Some have to go through various degrees of lobbying and oiling hands to get their basic hormone supplements.

Coogar you too like exaggeration sha.

In fact they are more prone to social ostracization, emotional torture (if not physical) and all sorts of hate crimes you can think of within prison walls.
Some of them end up dead from such attacks.

Pls stop making it look like they have it easy there.

coogar:
they get many privileges you start to wonder whether they are being punished for the crimes that sent them to prison.

they get single cell accommodation, separate toilet facilities & they get quality hormone therapy courtesy of the tax payers.

if shim still wants to complain, they should bring shim to kuje prison.

Agreed

TV01:
That was more Ewuro4 and armyofone


This was more your point - poor mate selection - Tim touched on it as well.

Her first and foremeost problem is that she herself was not "mateable" - in all liklihood, she would have split with pretty much anyone. As both yourself and Tim noted, she has issues - that's the main problem, not her choices, which in any event will be 1. coloured by her issues and, 2. even if she picks a perfect guy her issues will ruin it.

As for the high standards point by Ewuro and Armyofone, that is to essentially say that the relationships failed because the men did not meet up. You could plead that for 1 instance, maybe even 2, but for 4 marriages, a number of other serious relationships and 2 kids by different men, one of whom wasn't a husband? Indeed, her issues would more likely mean she had "low expectations".

One doesn't have the expectation of a merc, buy a 2nd hand Ford and then ditch it, claiming it didn't meet up...and then go on to buy a fairly used Renault


TV

Yes somehow I'm with them on this one.

If she's that strong to be attacking people anyhow while carrying on the softer appearance of womanhood then she shouldn't be in the women prison. She could seriously injure someone there.

That's how one other male-female transgender wanted to participate in an all-women fight.
How do they even think such things are fair?
Maybe they should move to have their own correctional facilities built since these things are becoming an issue everyday.

Which kind high standard?
Where did you read that one?

More like some sort of emotional imbalance and yes poor mate selection.

TV01:
It'as not crazy if you are a nutter - especially a feminist one !

There are now mutterings of ending jail time for women - the rational being that only men are inherently violent . I guess they conveniently forgot the DV stats for gay dyke lesbians .

It will either get to a tipping point, at which stage there will be a backlash, or it will lead to the ruination of the West as we know it. Perhaps some combination of the two? Whatever happens, it will do a lot of damage and be a long, hard road to recovery...if!

IS will be happy to fill the gap - it may be so bad, some may even find them preferable. I know who my money would be on in a face-off between them and the radical progressve liberals of which feminism & faggotism are mainstays.


^{cococandy, timbuktou, ewuro4, armyofone - let me get this right, your take is that the problem here is poor mate selection and high standards}


TV

If this was plain contraband, they would have sold it cheap to coldroom operators.
This could well be dumped for health reasons.

Why can't they reason? These ones are eating these things and endangering other humans should they break out with a disease.

fexyrich:
Any one who is associated to a custom officer would know that these people just had a harmless feast for themselves..although I blame it on poverty in the country,But I can confidently say that those chickens are harmless!!if u stay with custom officers u would know that most of these items they sieze they usually share it among themselves before disposing the remainant.These people don't lack food or anything..Ranging from bags of rice,G oil,chicken,Milk,foreign drinks and many more.So I believe the guy that said they already diverted one container,its a very normal thing in the customs!!So let's stop being naïve..No right thinking person would import poisoned chickens into the country..they were siezed because they are contraband,just like they sieze bags of rice,tyre and many other food items..

We should stop blaming politicians and the government. These people are just gluttons and very very silly too.

Pls don't let her opinions shape your life.
I don't know how much your inheritance may be worth but you can try to use some of it to start something for yourself and build on it until it is big enough to sustain you, then you move out.

Getting married because she's pressuring you to do so won't solve your problems as you may end up with anyhow kind of person (like you almost did).

But working towards moving out will help you get away from the negative energy around her.

Brekkie

Some people grow old in Nigeria after working for decades only to be owed pensions and gratuities until the day of their death.
Some top civil servants can't even afford to pay their kids fees without struggling.
This man obviously hasn't lived in naija.

kingthreat:
I am sorry. I retract my silly words. Sorry once again.

It's alright.
We are good.

It's understandable for you misunderstand my first post. So I'm not totally blamesless here.

Nice of you to apologize

bukatyne:
Marriage is definitely not for everyone

Halle is an example

Some people get married because they are expected to. I guess that's her case.

I loved and shared this post.

kingthreat:
Watever. You made me vex

Because you were reading defensively.

Anyway have a nice day.

He thinks he's in his country where they molest women and punish them for not resisting.
Anuofia.

Thanks for this.

Saved me a lot of typing
.

MadCow1:
Lol..

I will point out some flaws or oversights in your post.

1. Teachers indeed do have their Kids and all worth not, however that does not mean they will immediately translate into good disciplinarian. I belong to the generation that grew up under this flogging culture. We got flogged for all sorts. For coming late, doing poorly on a test, improper dressing, speaking vanacular in school, not cutting our nails, fighting, e.t.c. Infact there were only about 4 forms of punishment in school and they go thus;

1. Flogging

2. Kneeling, squatting our some other form of painful and dehumnizing exercise.

3. Cutting grass

4. Suspension

5. Expulsion.

Flogging being the obvious choice for most. Well, I feel it's wrong. African kids are never given the chance to even explain why something is the way it is. Once the teacher sees something wrong, it's the cane that is the obvious solution. I went through junior school being scared for my life. That fear translated into my school work. It didn't matter how much I got flogged, I just could never pass some subjects that easily especially mathematics and how could I? When I am seated in a class with 50+ other students, being taught by a teacher who just breezes through the course like everyone learns at the same pace and then sets this ridiculous tests and expects us all to pass.

Imagine a case where 95% of the class flunked a test and we all got whipped for failing. Not a single blame was passed to the teacher.

Now in the Nigerian education system, what room has been created for students (like me) who suffer from one form of learning disability? My younger brother also suffers from an attention deficit disorder and was failing badly whilst in Nigeria until he moved overseas where his teachers spotted the problem. And they were only able to spot this problem because they were just a handful in the class. And when they did, they didn't correct it with a cane, they fashioned out a way to keep him learning and enjoying it. He told me of a teacher who would even let him leave the class for a bit and return to continue learning.

I was flogged like a thief by our music teacher because I kept missing the keys during music practice. Well guess what, the fhucking piano was made of wood built by a carpenter. The fhucking piano replica produced no sounds whatsoever. And then when I am called to play a note a fail, I get a ruler hit hard against my fingers. Our music teacher broke that wooden "made in Calabar" ruler against someone's fingers. Imagine the force required to break that ruler and wonder what that person who got struck felt. Needless to say, I hate music till this day..

2. Please drop this overseas gun crazed violence excuse. You can't sit here in Africa and fully grasp the problems with the U.S.. (Note, the gun violence in schools is mostly prevalent in the U.S and not the entire west). How many school shootings have you heard of in the U.K or in Canada or Australia or New Zealand or France or Netherlands, e.t.c.. The issue in the U.S is that the guns are just too fhucking many and the gun laws are lax. You can work into a Walmart and buy a gun like it was groceries. The children are also not protected from guns in the homes and some parents even start teaching their kids how to handle a weapon from a very early age.

But slow down a minute, don't we have gun issues in Nigerian School's? All these cultism issues in our tertiary institutions nko? Are those not the same kids raised under the stick you are clamouring for? So if the children we are raising with sticks still grow up to become hardened cultists that shoot people up, hack them to pieces and stuff, why then are we quick to point fingers at the U.S? Or because CNN no dey report our own?

So you see.. Flogging is not the solution.


Plus why does the only form of punishment used the most by teachers involves beating children with a stick? Can't we think of a less destructive means to punish erring students?


3. The Bible said spare the rod and Spoil the child.. Fine, the bible says a whole lot more and I will show you one amongst others;

Deut 21: 18 “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and who, when they have chastened him, will not heed them, 19 then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, to the gate of his city. 20 And they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ 21 Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death with stones; pso you shall put away the evil from among you, qand all Israel shall hear and fear.

I guess we should also start stoning our rebellious kids to death as well na.

Let's get serious, these are not biblical times. Child psychology has been studied and we know more today about kids than the Biblical era people ever did.



Again.. I am not against disciplining my child, but when it involves using a rod, let me the parent handle that. You can give the child detention, menial labour and other non contact forms of punishment, but let the parents take sole responsibility for whipping their kids.

kingthreat:
It is your kids and that will go through it instead. May it not be well with you in everything for making such low-minded statements against me. Cocksuckin piece of trash.

Lmao.
That's was a general statement not referring to you personally. The 'You' was plural. As in referring to all those men who don't feel they should participate in their kids lives.

You (singular) don't even sound married so why would I waste my time like that?
Plus it's not a curse. If you won't be there for your children, there's only so much the other parent can do thereby exposing them to strangers to help care. Which can result in things like this.

Comprehension issues Abi I go blame English that doesn't have different words for singular and plural yous.

So you dey fear?

I must say she does have a knack for picking them.
And I won't be surprised she was with the actual person that abused her far longer than she was with the others who probably didn't even do anything worth divorcing for.
Her not naming him might even imply she still is into him and may not mind going back.

I'll never understand girls women like this.

That's what they want.
So good for them.

Una wan tear pant for other people's miseries when the so called people will turn on you for voicing what you think is unfair being done to them? I think we have enough headaches of our own to worry about instead of devoting our energy those that won't appreciate it. They will even insult you for interfering. So good for them.

If they believe their God allows them to be forcefully married off, that they deserve to die for the same sins their male counterparts get a pat on the back for etc etc, then there's nothing you can do about. Centuries of mind conditioning and instilling of fear won't disappear just like that unless the people involved see that they aren't even being treated fairly to start with.

Someone molesting her daughter is not enough reason to leave?

What's wrong with some of you?

Kulas:
Thats not enough reason for the woman to seek marriage dissolution,afterall its a step daughter and why keep her in the same house with the man.The woman cant stay with one man,....born the 19 year old for another man,then other children for the husband,then the third man she has packed her things and started living with.She is not a responsible woman and the present man she packed her things to be be the one remoting her.Spirit of jumping from one man to the other is following her.Some people do not have respect for marriage institution.

kingthreat:
Pure feminist. Blaming the husband for not assisting the wife, thats why a maif was hired. If you like dey wait for Nigerian man to buy ewedu and wash your pikin cloth for you. When him head clear, he go tell you say he be African man. Stupid analogy, when there's an awful tragedy like this

That's why your kids will keep going through stuff like this. Because you be african man. Too big to help out in your own home.

I'd say some. Not all.

At least many are learning their lessons.

Although even with husbands that help, some families may still end up needing the extra hand.
It's all about finding good help that can be traced to their origin and if possible have background checks on them.

As long as families need to make ends meet, sometimes it may not matter if both parents help out when they can, they could still end up needing help.

All in all I'm in agreement with your message.
More hands on fathers can help curb the need for maids to a certain degree. That's one part of the solution.

PresVA:
Ewwooo ... I can't even imagine the pain the baby went through. . Such wickedness

If husbands can start helping their wives with chores, stuffs like this will be minimal or even eliminated.. but No they won't help, they'll rather watch football or read newspaper. ..

Nothing sweet pass husband and wife doing chores together
No room for a third party in your marriage. ..

Btw, did this happen in Nigeria?

Pls what's the full story?

Did the child have an accident or what?

Because I can't imagine a real maid doing this and they've not cut off both her own hands before been taking pictures.

What a bunch of lazy teachers. Who licensed them to teach anyway?
So the only means of correction they know is hitting and flogging.Anything short of that, they'd have to call the parents to come do?

It would be nice if our dear country made it mandatory for nursery,primary and secondary school teachers to have taken classes in child psychology as part of the requirement for getting a teachers license. We won't then be seeing teachers who know nothing about how to communicate with kids except to hit them into obedience.
Essentially teaching them that violence is the way forward. The solution to problems. How absurd and twisted.

adahib:
Nobody wants a teacher to torture their kid but believe me,an occasional discipline is good. The child learns to obey constituted authority. Any parent who only wants the ward's transgression reported to them isn't doing the child any good and sooner or later,will grow tired of the child's unruly behavior.

Let me tell you what happened in my neighborhood. There was a very stubborn kid whose mum never wanted anybody to lay a finger on. One day in school,he tore another pupil's uniform and was flogged by a teacher. He reported to his mum when he got home. The next day, the mum got some policemen and threatened all the teachers in the school. Since that day, all the teachers avoided the kid. No matter what he did,none of the teachers will even look in his direction,let alone tell him to stop. All they did was pick a phone and call the mum. The mum was called over 20 times a day. It went something like this "madam your son is pulling off his buttons, better come stop him;your son is eating his lunch by 10a.m,better come stop him or bring another one for him;your son is crying that he wants to go, please come and either take him home or make him stop." The mum had to go to school repeatedly everyday. The kid's behavior deteriorated and his school performance dropped. The mum had to pull him from the school to another where she maintained a low profile and allowed the teachers a free hand.

I'm with her.
Discipline doesn't always have to mean violence.
No one should hit my child. It won't end well for him or her. I'll make sure of that

OP it's perfectly normal to feel uncomfortable with such friendships especially if the other person is not your personal friend too.
Just let her know you're not fine with it. Also in your approach remember you're talking to an adult too because tone matters a lot in how the addressee receives the message.
So far you've painted her to be reasonable so there's no reason why she won't want to oblige you.
Set good examples too by being open and upfront about your personal messages and friendships as you require of her. Not only will you teach her how to treat you by the way you treat her, it will help encourage her to draw back in time before she crosses any lines.

Goodluck.