₦airaland Forum

What a show of shame.

I don’t understand how people reason honestly.
You actually believe these two hapless men I. Those photos have the power to kill people remotely?

So people can have such powers and still remain in a lowly place all their lives? May the God y’all claim to believe in have mercy on your ignorance

starbuck:
Make i dey background dey observe cococandy when she will show face for nija, na me go go her place straight, no long talks...

My day since yesterday till today
Happy Sunday family

And bless you too sweetheart.

See life
That abacha looks very very well made.

What kind of alcohol comes in a pouch and helps loose weight? It sounds sketchy.

Probably was fired because of his issues.

If your final verdict is to keep that pregnancy, make sure you keep up with wellness visits and scans as often as indicated by whomever your healthcare provider is.

With the abortion steps you said you already took, you will need to ensure that the fetus is still viable as you go along with pregnancy.

KIkiofure:
Good evening all..
So the update is I finally told my mum but she has been crying non stop and she said she doesn't wanna see me for now so I am currently not home.
She asked of the guy and called him and immediately he heard her voice he hunged up..
Like right now he is saying I should do my worst he even said I should curse if I want to even mocking me..
So my resolution is I will just anyhow bear the shame but my mum said I can't stay home so I might just go stay with a family for now but I am sorry to say this I will go extra mile I swear to make sure he suffer..
He impregnated me on purpose because i asked him severally he said he didn't cum in me..
He will beg for food but won't see I promise

Honestly if his wife can’t talk to him and they both make decisions as a couple, I doubt your input will change his mind.

okpalaAnambra:
But ma'am it's been proving scientifically, ..A good percentage of women who come down with preeclampsia in their subsequent pregnancies actually had them from other men

do you understand the cause of preeclampsia?

There’s no relationship with eclampsia/preeclampsia and sexual relationship.
Please don’t argue with me. I don’t have energy but I couldn’t let this your obvious falsehood fly without checking it.
You know people read things on the internet and just believe it without thinking for themselves.

If you are interested in learning more about preeclampsia/eclampsia, here are some verified government health websites that you can get more information from.

Have a great day.

https://www.cdc.gov/bloodpressure/pregnancy.htm

https://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/preeclampsia/conditioninfo

https://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/handle/10665/119627/WHO_RHR_14.17_eng.pdf;jsessionid=D0972FE230432A4E7C5D2A3BC4D14F67?sequence=1

okpalaAnambra:
One of the causes of preeclampsia, fathering different children from different men

lol. Dr Nairaland

MrBachelor:


Another day, the same story.

Another life cut short, the same story.

His only offence was being born into a country where every system and every institution is dysfunctional.
Where no one is held accountable for their actions. Where even the government flouts the law.

What depresses me more is that his death like others killed before him will be in vain. It won't spark a paradigm shift in the system. It won't inspire a national discourse.

Nobody will ask why is this happening? How can we stop this from happening again?

We will just continue living like everything is normal.

There was a country.

Mindfulness:
I know, right? It is amazing and highly problematic how easy it is to mislead people.

it is

All these “new handle, tells story, deactivate handle“.
Sigh.
I may not be too off if I guess the poster isn’t even married at all or might even be a boy.
Always looking for reactions from posters.

Anyway each message posted here was valid so I guess real folks with real issues can draw from it if they may.

Mindfulness:
Fake news.

It’s from “India today”. That was my first hmm moment.

So people can just decide to physically abuse others because they are going through stuff?

Prec1ous:
I am so sorry about what you are going through, especially the violence. Which is enough for you to leave but you have decided otherwise.

Since, you want to get his love back back, then the problem is about what you have refused see. You are still acting on the surface. Behave live a therapist.

But...

Your husband is going through something which you are unaware of. Something is bugging him and being egoistic, he doesn't want to talk but wants you to know and empathize. Weird right?

The reason why he is venting on you is because it is just you he has. But because he is yet to master his problem, this is the reason for his haphazard behavior.

When last did you sit him down and ask about his finance, career, goals, aspirations?

Your husband needs you to talk to him and all those talks about respect from him is just to summarize his defensiveness.

Your husband is going through something, reach into his heart. He loves you you and that other wife talk is a big bluff. He only wants you to step up. Reach out to him.

Habby121:
I'm pregnant now but it's still very young..i'm 9 weeks gone, he Hurt me anytime I try to apologize to him, he hits and pushes me but I now try to avoid him because I don't want another miscarriage ..he even hit me yesterday because I tried waking him up, he said I shouted at him, and I'm disrespectful, he even went to bed without talking to me.

If this story is not made up, he’s hitting you when you’re pregnant and you’re still there? Doing what?

loveymom:
It looks Yummy too

thank you

Heterosexual single men and women, and gay men and women who wish to have offspring would get the same priority as couples seeking IVF because of medical fertility problems.
The new definitions will be sent to every health minister for consideration, next year. The new guidelines could also force a change in law, which might allow introduction of commercial surrogacy.

Mmmm.

sassysure:
Nri ndì Arab
Sweet

This one was tastier than I was expecting because I’m not a fan of spinach in stew or even ground turkey for that matter.

sassysure:
Yep

oh nice. Well done

MrBrownJay1:
ok i see.... but its funny how suddenly because i dont live in Nigeria, i cant say anything WRONG about what i believe about Nigerian families and/or society. i love Nigeria (i wouldnt waste time on NL if i didnt) and i love my Nigerian/African women, but i have to be honest about what i believe is wrong.... and although we may not all have the same view on the issue but thats what i see.

Not that you can’t speak to the Nigerian society. Of
Course you can if you ask me, but times do change and if you’ve been away for a while, then NL may be the wrong place to get information from as 100% true.

here is a clue: i have never seen a Nigerian father (apart from mine at least) SAY to their kids that they love them or even ACT in a loving manner (aka show affection etc), and i think i can count on ONE hand the amount of Nigerian mothers i witness doing it to children over the age of 10.... and this is my beef with Nigerian society

We are not a very expressive society (specifically when it comes to love). They may act in a loving manner. you know they express love differently but saying to their children is hard for them and I’m still trying to understand why.

many will quickly tell you that this is not the way they have been raised, yet we all know that children need to FEEL loved by their parents, other than paying for food, school and occasional gifts. this is another subject completely but again about that same society mindset, where everyone is ready and willing to do what is asked of them and not what should make sense to them.

I certainly do agree. This part is my tune.
Don’t have to do things because it’s always been done that way.

Turkey meatball and spinach stew. Just something different. It was yummy.

what i wrote was that Nigerian women are good for nothing (aka insulting most of the women in my entire family),

Cc Mrbrownjay1. This part was not about you. Lol.
It was more speaking in general about how NL males post about women.

sassysure:
Waina and shikin

Did you make it?

That’s why sometimes you don’t just read pass.
You call that BS out and move on.

People who don’t know Nigerian women would be pleasantly surprised when they actually meet one after only reading about them here on NL where we are only good for nothing .

CHoccolaTE:
@liberalchic, fiery, fountainofyouth, cococandy,
Mr brown Jay doesn't live in Nigeria, he's basing his posts on the misogynistic posts nairaland small boys write about women bringing nothing to the table.
Make una no mind am

MrBrownJay1:
@bolded
you mean "for her FAMILY" right?!?! that was a typo, right? if mommy works for her own self while daddy works for the family wellbeing, then how is that gonna solve the issue at hand? it will just make sure that mama enriches herself.

this is not a typo. I did mean to write that. But not with the meaning that the money is only hers to spend. Earning income for oneself comes with a satisfaction of not being dependent and being able to care for your loved ones as you wish without feeling like a burden. In that sense, it’s something you do for yourself even though it doesn’t technically mean the money only goes to you. Sorry if I didn’t communicate that well.

fair enough.... so therefore, looking at the issue at hand, do you see anything wrong with me saying that mothers should be gainfully employed, so that dads can possibly have more free time to spend quality time with their children?

no I don’t see anything wrong with that.
The only problem is that you’re saying the moms aren’t already gainfully employed. Many of them already are.

how can a dad build a valid emotional bond with his children if he is never there (and even when they are, they are too tired to do anything with them)? when can they build such important bond?

that’s why a work-life balance is important. I already agree with you on this.

Nigerian society, sadly, looks down on the few who choose to take an active participation in the raising of their children.... In Nigeria/Africa that is mama's job.

. The men who choose to participate in raising their kids are not a few in number. Just that ones who don’t are quite a significant number hence the need to address it. But they are not the majority.
And I agree it is wrong for such a role to be looked down on.

unless they bring the cheddar home so that daddy can take some free time from work, in order to have an active role in raising his kids, then it is pointless, IMHO.
you have society to blame for that....thats where part of my beef here is. i indeed DARE men to become FATHERS to their children, and not some stranger in their own family setup.....so that they dont ultimately become a total "we dont care about him, he is ok" type of stranger, as soon as kids leave the nest. if you believe that paying for bills is the same as "being a father to your kids" then we are definitely speaking a different language.

i fully understand that, but sadly, years down the line, this whole charade explodes in men's face when their life's hardwork has no more value. is that so "bad" to ask of Nigerian/African men to be BETTER MEN? is that so hard to ask of Nigerian/African women to help fathers be BETTER DADS?

a lot of Nigerian/African kids are growing up as if they are in a single parent home....and although fathers are there, most are absent completely from the picture (apart from when they brings the checks)

i will go even further (throwing some oil in the fire) and say that, no wonder that so many are drawn towards older men when they have no real bond with a father figure in their lives.

I don’t feel like addressing each of your points one by one, but in summary, I quite agree with many of your points.

Here’s where we disagree

1) the men who don’t participate in raising their children are many, but they are not the majority. However, There are quite enough of them that it does make a difference.

2) a mom going out there to bring home the bacon and allow the man time to spend with his family may be the solution in some homes, it probably won’t be the solution in general because that’s not the only reason why this happens. MANY women work. The number of women who work by far outnumbers the number of those who don’t. Yet this problem persists. That’s your clue that it may not the widespread solution that you think it is.

Yet we bring nothing to the table

fieryy:
His post made me so angry, to be honest. A lot of us grew up in households were our mums went to work AND still came back to do all the cooking and washing and co.

You just have to walk through the streets of Nigeria, go to market etc, everywhere is full of hardworking women. From the women preparing swallow on the streets (I mean, have you seen those BIIIIG pots?! ), to those frying and selling akara and co. Those who despite being pregnant or sometimes are carrying a child on their backs, still are hawking, just to provide for the family.
These are small businesses, but they are still businesses!

His post is an insult to all the mums, who despite having a hard day at work, go home to cater to their young ones and do all the house chores (because we know the man is not going to do nothing!)

How many of us, when asked what does your mum do for a living, reply with "Oh, she is a housewife, who watches Telemundo all day"

Don't be surprised if his mum sweated to get him where he is today, yet all he has to say is "Most Nigerian women are lazy, dadadada".

He talks about how some men don't even want their wives to work, but is ignorant to the fact that the average Nigerian man CAN NOT feed his family based on his salary alone.

MrBrownJay1:
so we are on the same page here, so if you dont believe that ALL married women should get a job so that daddy does not have to slave away as hard as he does (so he could be home earlier more often to be an active participant in raising his kids ) what would be your solution here?

I don’t believe that one size fits all. So all married women getting a job will not be a definite solution to the issue. Personally do I think a woman should have a choice in this? Absolutely yes. What would I advice her to choose? The ability to work and earn income for herself. And For more reasons than what’s being stated on this thread. That’s always been my POV.

how can kids be a fulltime job when they are away (all day) at kindergarden/school from the age of 3?!
i am not discrediting the fact that mothers raising kids is a tough job, i am just saying that if ALL these women had a job (aka helped daddy bring some cheddar, since they have nothing to do any longer during the day), then daddy could work less and help with raising his own kids....and possibly have a more valuable emotional bond with their kids. this culture of having women stay at home is wrong imho. i dont see why a woman should stay home doing nothing.... (but Telemundo indeed has great telenovelas lol) the minute the kids start to go to school.... makes no damn sense to me.

Again it’s not the majority. But we’ve already been over that and agree to disagree. In your experience that’s the norm. In my experience it’s not the norm.

very true....it does take time, but should i not say what i believe the problem in Nigeria/Africa is? should i be quiet about something so obvious?!

While I agree that it may be part of the problem, it’s only a tiny facet of the problem. Like a really tiny facet.

Fathers not being physically and emotionally available for their children are not the majority although they constitute a significant number that it warrants talking about. Now amongst them are those whose wives work. So their excuse can’t be that they are left alone to bring the bread home.

Amongst them are also those who may not even have jobs at all. Yet they don’t think it’s their place to be the home parent. For them it’s emasculating. How dare you ask that of them.

The problem like you rightly said is cultural but it’s really about the culture of child care and home keeping being looked at as a demeaning job meant for the “lesser gender” (female) and is a disrespectful thing to be expected from a man. That’s the main cultural problem.

olabrinks:
What do you mean doing absolutely nothing? This is the problem I have with a lot of men, totally disregarding the work it takes to be a full time stay at home mum. Who is going to cook? Who is going to clean? Who is going to pick the kids from school? Who is going to bath the children? Who is going to feed those kids, makes sure they do their homework and go to bed on time? What do you mean doing absolutely nothing? Even if there’s a houseboy/house girl, do you know the work that it takes to raise up a child? It takes a village to raise a child, even more strenuous than the so called job you are going to everyday. Fine, if you believe women should go out to work to make the mans job easier and more convenient, just please ensure the man is also doing the equal amounts of house chores and things around the house to keep the duties balanced . But when it comes to stay at home wives, do not discredit them.

And the thread can be closed at this point. That’s all

MrBrownJay1:
ok you brought some valid points to the table, but let me ask you a few questions:
[b]- do you believe Nigerian/African society view men and women EQUALLY in marriage?

They don’t of course. But they should.

- even if/when some mamas have jobs, who does that same society believe should raise the kids?

Again moms are expected to. They are expected do both. Moms who focus on raising kids and holding the families together are mocked as not bringing anything to the table (watching Telemundo ). Meanwhile these kids are full time jobs all by themselves. And when they attempt to go out there and bring in the bucks, they can be called insubordinates who don’t put their husbands’ satisfaction first (if he wants her to stay home) as their primary goal. They can’t win honestly.
That’s why the woman has to chose which type of criticism pain am pass and stick to the other side of it.

- it is all a problem of culture, what other reason you have for it to be that way in Nigeria/Africa?
- if it aint a Nigerian/African society issue, then what do you think is the main problem here?[/b]

Culture is defined a way of life of a people. We know how we live is influenced by our thoughts and our thoughts are influenced by what we have been taught. So education is going to solve the problem of inequality. Give it time. It’s a slow turtle but it’s moving nonetheless.

Yes it may not be just an African thing , but legislation in some other countries have recognized this and address it according to situation. We need that here in Nigeria.

Well your opinion and experience is not a hard fact. So let’s just call it your opinion. And please do preface with “this is my opinion “ that way we don’t get confused thinking you’re speaking statistically. That’s what happened initially in my response to you.

Maybe culture matters.In my neck of the woods, women toiled and still do to contribute financially to the homes. Telemundo? Many of them will ask you what is that.

And that’s not even to say the woman who’s a cook and womb attendant and all that stuff is not working hard enough already. They still do all that in addition to bringing money home.

MrBrownJay1:
yes sista, thats my honest analysis of family in Nigeria/Africa... sadly you people are blinded by the fact that its MBJ (a man) who says such, while we all know that part of the blame is these same Nigerian/African men who dont allow/want their wives to get a job (to begin with), thanks to their misplaced ego.
again, we have to be honest here. majority of women are NOT desperate for marriage because they want to be on equal ground with hubby, they want marriage so they can become what the Nigerian/African society believes she is.....AKA a cook/cleaner/womb attendant.



how can you call MY opinion a lie?!?!?! call it a wrong opinion, if you may, but a lie?! nah!

But this topic is over-hashed.Over and out. Threads are littered in this section all focused on the same issue.

Any man who hasn’t learned by now that work and life balance is important cannot be helped.

as we always preach to working moms to have a job that enables them take care of their families. Same should be for dads.

Honestly these things shouldn’t even have to be said in the first place. If you’re having children and not planning on being emotionally available to them. What’s the plan?

mumumugu:
Chris Nwabueze Ndu
This is for men.
I had a chat with a workmate who told me that a man he worked with in another job is old and it appears he lives alone.(I won't mention his nationality for obvious reasons)
His three children now adults don't even check on him.
This man continues to struggle with work with a poor health.
He is struggling but not saying much as to how he arrived at his current situation.
He is not alone in this, there are thousands of Nigerian men who ends up sad lonely old men every year.
You see some of them abandoned by their children and some even their own wives connived with the children to make their father's life miserable in his old age.
How do you think most of them arrived at that unfortunate situation?
Let's discuss.
The average Nigerian man's description of a hard man or a real man is a bully and a brutal dictator.
That's what many father's are.
Monsters barking instructions, beating up their wives, assaulting their children and call it training.
Emotionally detached from their children as they grow.
Mothers becomes the shoulder to cry upon while the father is feared like a terrorist.
Few years later, the monsters you raised will turn against you.
I know some women whose children haven't seen their fathers for years.
Those men are not dead, they are alive in the same country.
Their birthdays come and go, no father to celebrate with.
Other children talk about how their dad's celebrated their birthdays, yours have nothing to say.
Christmas come and go, other children show off gifts and stuff their fathers bought for them, yours have nothing to say.
No card, No calls, no show.
On father's day they made cards, waited for you but no show.
Other kids talk about their father's day fun with daddy, yours have no story.
Your children live like fatherless while you are still on earth.
Perhaps in the arms of a strange woman you totally ignored your children.
You won't be young forever.
There will be a day of reckoning.
Age have a way of catching up with humans and then you will wish you can roll back the years.
You will wish you cared, You will wish you played with your children.
You will wish you were the man they will be proud of.
You will wish they have something good to say about you.
No, It will be too late.
You will end up a very sad and lonely old man.
Side chic and all the distractions would have melted away, reality will be dawned on you.
Time to act is now, now or never.
You don't deserve life if you made your own children to live like fatherless children.
Be there for them because you brought them here.
You don't need billions to be a great dad.
Those little things matter so much.
You can be a hard man outside but a shepherd at home.
You can be frightening to strangers but loving and playful with your children.
How can you be a father whose children run away from? You call that discipline? No, The moment the fear of you drives them away from you, you've lost it.
Oh, you say your relationship with the mother is not good that she is a bad woman.
Of course some women are not good enough, that shouldn't be news.
But, Your child or children didn't do anything bad to you, so why punish innocent children because of two adults that can't get along?
Why deny them birthdays, Christmas and other special times in the year because of what you think of their mother?
Why deny them your company they thoroughly deserved?
Have you ever wondered what their conversation with other children would be like?
A good shepherd shouts when he has to and plays with the sheep as well.
Leads from the front and more importantly prepared to lay down his life in defence of the sheep.
You can't even give up ordinary side chic because of your children, how much more laying down your life for them.
Be a true father now and reap the rewards later or risk dying a sad lonely old man surrounded by people but died lonely.
Great day ye all.

This is an absolute falsehood.
Don’t join the ranks of those who speak lies with confidence.

MrBrownJay1:
in a proper society, possibly, but the family setup in Nigeria/Africa is bent from the get go, and can never find a balance. unless a wife is ready and willing to go to work as soon as kids are going to kindergarden, the family setup in Nigeria/Africa will always be unfair. you have two able-bodied adults here, but sadly one will be slaving away while the other would stay home for no damn reason, doing absolutely NOTHING (especially when housegirl/boy are around). i dont understand this mindset, but sadly it is perfectly normal in Nigerian/African society.

the important balance we really need to figure out IS: is it better to work 24/7 for your family so that down the line you wont even get the proper value/respect/love that you deserve?

let us all also remember....wifey stays home while daddy works all day, then he gets home, he is dead tired while mummy is fresh and ready/willing to do fun stuff.... so daddy and mummy are out of synch, and start to grow apart.

@bold: no kidding.

Is that what you actually experienced in an honest analysis of families around you?

MrBrownJay1:
i blame African society and mentality for that... how can a man have a decent r/ship with his kids when he has to slave away 24/7 while wifey is at home watching Telemundo and having a fantastic r/ship with the kids?!?!?!

as soon as kids are old enough (3yrs old), you BOTH need to work so that daddy can work less and spend MORE time with kids.

It does no good to say “we told you so”.
But we did.