₦airaland Forum

We don't teach our history well enough.

This is a stupid piece of advice. Young guys, get to know people for who they are and not through what they wear.

Be REAL.
Ask her real questions, talk about your passions, plan get-togethers, etc.

Be REAL!

toyosiabayomi96:
Hey guys. Please I need your help. A girl chat with me by questioning my boring chat with her always. She said I am not romantic and our chat is always boring. Please help me how can I have a pleasant chat and a romantic chat with her via chatting and communication especially when I'm with her.

Criticism is welcome because I want to learn.
Thank You

It's not a big deal. Many people keep it up till adulthood.

A new book by a friend correctly describes this describes this 'relationship' as a situationship.

You cannot and should not condone this level of ambiguity. Define your situation and if she refuses to acknowledge your definition, bounce.

Do not further waste both of your time.

Raeheemwayne:
Pardon my Typographical errors and the long Epistle.

So, for about 3 months now I've been off and on with this girl from my college. I really like this girl, but the big problem here is that she's not over her ex, and so after her calling me her "boyfriend" for about a month she realized that she wasn't "emotionally available" and so she broke up with me.

However, later that same day she said she missed me and asked for me to stay over, which I did. For the month following, we would get into these cycles where she would want to spend all this time with me and kiss me and snuggle and do normal gf bf stuff, but then she would pull away later and affirm that we weren't dating and should act like friends, which then lead to her asking me to spend the night shortly after. One day she decided to totally cut it off, but then drunk texted me and wanted me to walk her home 2 days later, which I did.

In the past 2-3 weeks I've recognized these cycles and have become more distant, and as a result she's become way more emotionally attached. She wants to see me and do "bf gf stuff" way more often than before and texts me constantly (the cycles in large part have stopped).

However, I'm getting tired of not being in a committed relationship, and I thought she might be getting over him. Just now I had a talk with her to ask if she was getting over him and she said that she "didn't know". She tells me all the time that she would never get back with her ex, since he was "an asshole and emotionally abusive". She just misses him, apparently. I probably should have cut this off a long time ago, but I really like her and I don't know what to do. Advice?

All insults will be accepted. but, I need an urgent matured advice.
Mods should please help push this to FP.
Thanks.

Myndd44.

School trips, buy land, buy food.

MedicH:
How many of these did your mother do?

The underlying issues we don't know about are probably at play.

Myralison:
True oooooh. Her actions no follow. She went too far

It doesn't matter.

In virtually all jurisdictions, the government will treat you as married if:
- you have a child together
- you live together for a year
- you file taxes together as a couple.

The level of protection will change from state to state. In Canada, as far as I know, all provinces (except Quebec) don't differentiate between marriage and common law unions.

US law details vary by state but the principle remains.

Oluromantic:
They're not legally married. Are they?

If they break up, given that she will likely be the primary caregiver to their child, he will lose the house to her. He will probably need to pay some child support on top of that.

People should respect themselves because she can ruin his life if she wants.

Oluromantic:
In America, it's who pays the larger percent of the rent that has more right to the house. Forget mother-in-law culture o, that's not Nigeria

The man is not wise, he will owe a lot of money and lose the house if they break up.

He is better off building a life with this woman.

My guess is that the mom is trying to bring a woman from their tribe to marry her son.

ZIMDRILL:
every action is reaction to something, something happened for her ro react like that not say she is innocent but lets not be biased simply becoz its the guy's mother being asked to leave

If my name is on lease of the house and paying rent i have the right to ask home to leave if they overstep boundaries

Probably trying to bring an igbo woman for him to marry.

BLUELemon:
She can't even be regarded as daughter-in-law. I don't know WHT the man's mother must have done but who would watch his mother being thrown out of the house.

EDIT.
I had to change my comment after watching the video. I usually support women/men who don't like their in laws staying with them.

However, this video clearly shows the lady being disrespectful and threatening to both her partner and his mom. She was threatening the man with jail time (by saying he hit her even though he didn't) and the mom by calling the cops on her and barricading her.

The man is clearly scared of her because in the abroad, especially US, the cops will arrest the man even if it's you that is the victim of the domestic violence.

On the other hand, I think there is some backstory. She seems to want this relationship to be secure/permanent yet the man seems to rub it in her face that they are not married. I also suspect that it is possible that the man's mom being there threatened her station as the wife in this family, perhaps she suspected that the mom wanted to bring in another woman.

So until we know more, we can't say anything.

However, don't bring your in law's into your home if it is not settled. It is disrespectful and brings unnecessary wahala.

Go to a doctor.

Very touching & sad story. Happy it worked out in the end.

Do you think you made sense with this comment?

femmoy:
lol,i'm a man,just finished my weed & decided 2 check nl. Just wondering wat could keep a girl up at this time of the day or are among the idiots using an 'f' sign?

Your mother is confused and raised a confused son.

If you and your fiancé are compatible, working and have no issues, go and get married or "shack up". That baby does not need you people's confusion.

Francis609:
posted few months ago about my mum doesn’t approve of my relationship with my fiancé ,after being informed by my sister that my fiancé started staying with me she left her house and came to stay with me in a single room she actually came to chased her away .

Well after reading all your comments which I really appreciated it and I concluded that I should allow my fiancé to go and stay with her friend until my mum leaves then she could come back. My fiancé was 2 months pregnant we decided to keep it a secret until after our wedding

I have planned to meet up with her family for introduction and traditional wedding during this pandemic with a small number of family member, we want everything to be done before her stomach start showing . I didn’t tell my mom but my dad was aware of that but i didn’t tell him about the pregnancy.

My mother was so happy to see her leaving and she told me about this girl that she want me to marry , the girl is from the same tribe as her and she is from a good family etc etc . I wasn’t even concentrating on what she was saying because my mind was busy thinking about my pregnant fiancé how she would cope staying with her friend and for how long she would be there because I wasn’t sure for how long my mother would be staying with me , fortunately she left after a week and my fiancé came back three days later.

So far we have been planning to meet-up with her people which my dad had agreed but my mum has been against the decision saying if I marry her , she will disown me , she is been saying a lot of things that I am just stubborn like my father and she regretted keeping me with her after her divorce , if she knew I will turn up to be just like my father , she would have had abandoned me with my dad that she is regretting all her money that she has had spent on me etc etc , actually she curse me.

I had informed my dad about what she said to me and he said I shouldn’t listen to her , what matter is I love my fiancé and I should go ahead with the wedding that his wife ( my step mum ) will be representing my mum , have told my dad that the idea is not bad but she is alive and I think is good for me to get blessing from both of them at that point I had no other choice and opened up to my dad about the pregnancy even taught he scolded me for getting her pregnant before marriage but he was so happy at the end and accepted that we should see her family as soon as possible.

I taught maybe if I have had also told my mum about the pregnancy , she would accept my fiancé and give us her blessing because she love her grandkids a lot and an additional one would have make her more happier but I was wrong , after I had informed her about the pregnancy all she could say was she should keep the pregnancy and after giving birth DNA must be done , if I am the father of the child we will go and collect the baby from her so she could be to move on with her life. I become angry with her and I asked her as a mother herself , how would she feel if she had given birth and her baby had been taken away from her or if it happened that any of my sisters got pregnant and the guy family want nothing to do with her but they only after her baby , she said it wouldn’t happen to any of her daughters because she has trained them well , she said lots of things that my fiancé is a loose girl that she was fully aware that she never liked her but she intentionally gotten pregnant thinking that she will change her mind so she can start liking her but that will not be possible.

I become angry with her but I didn’t say anything, I left her house and called my dad and I informed her about what she said , he said I should go ahead with the wedding without her and stick to his decisions that my step mum should represent her. I don’t know if it is possible to go ahead with the wedding without my mum being involved because the way she behaves if she doesn’t want something she will stick to her decisions no matter what , and my fiancé had been crying since because she doesn’t want to end up being a single mother .

I love my fiancé and I don’t want to leave her but I am so confuse to the point of I cannot concentrate anymore because I am depressed right now . I want to go ahead and do as my dad said but I am still asking myself , If I ever go ahead and marry her without my mother blessing would I ever be happy into my marriage because I don’t want to end up a divorcee like my parents , I want to spend the rest of my life with my fiancé and nobody else. I have been thinking since And I have lost sleep because of this issue sometimes I just wished that my mother could be an easy person to accept my fiancé even if she doesn’t like her but at least she could try to accept her for the sake of her unborn innocent grandchild in her womb.

Please help a confuse brother

I no dey do bride price she marriage list. I don't understand it and cannot condone it.

Nope.

There is no inherent difference. The distribution of attitudes and characteristics among Nigerian women can be found in women of other nationalities.

Aim for a good person who is compatible with you.

So boys can be small or big but girls can't? Lol

Vyolet:
Girls hustle oooo so small boys won't use small small things like Apple and ice cream to test your love.
A word is enough for the wise.

Maybe balance your problem English first.

#Justbants.

Have a nice day.

Rozz:
I don't subscribe to marrying your age mate as a lady,there will be a balance problems.

Only your son is coming home shebi? Your wife isn't coming home

Abeg my wife is more important to me than my children.

What is Osu?

Not criticising, just don't know what it is.

That's why we should normalise it.

Slawormir:
Damnnnnn niggarrr
Nice



I understand but nothing like your blood

So everyone is an oloshos according to you?

Then you are the problem.

Chris525:
Even the ones you see as non-olosho are undercover or a new brand of olosho called love peddling.

They're the reason for this thread!

How are the :

- divorce rates
- fulfilment rates
- spousal murder rates?


-

AntiChristian:
I prefer the pristine Islamic model of marriage!

No dating! No lonely meetings!

Just marriage!

Our country has been so sexualized that a lady's worth has been reduced to how sexy, hot or masked up she can appear!

It is not a majority of Nigerian ladies who are oloshos.

STOP. GOING. AFTER. OLOSHOS. Go for the non oloshos who are everywhere.

*believe*

MamaEEE:
I[b] can see[/b] that you are a very STUPID person,
Now run along...