₦airaland Forum

Is this the full story??

Husband seems like an entitled man with a small mindset.


Why is he threatening you? What does he mean by mistake? Were there problems before the marriage? Did his parents, or yours, object?

He seems quite callous but again we only have your view.

grasiouso:
Hello fam, please I need sincere advise on this issue. I created this account for this purpose so I can remain anonymous and get as much advise as I can.

I will give as much details as necessary for better understanding and to have a balanced view. My husband complains that I do things in isolation which has been the major cause of our quarrels. To be honest, the things he has complained about are usually things I do in good faith. For example, some weeks ago I came across a post on Nairaland that talked about the difficulties private school teachers are currently going through due to the covid 19 pandemic. While reading that post, I remembered a teacher living in our neighbourhood and immediately I felt like rendering a little help, so I sent her 5k (I have her account number from a transaction I did with her sometime back). I did this anonymously cos I didn't want her to know it came from me and till today even though she sees me often she has never talked about it which makes me believe she doesn't know it came from me. I later told my husband what I did expecting he would commend me but got the exact opposite. He flared up that I should have informed him before doing so. Note that we both work and have earnings. I did this from my 'personal purse' per se and not the family purse.
I have no problem informing him but he was not around at the time and I did what I did out of impulse to help someone. We really had a big quarrel and he did not fail remind me how he made a mistake with the marriage and we should go our separate way. That I am not submissive. Somehow I apologized and we managed to settle it.

Another incident: there is a virtual prayer group I belong to where we pray every morning mostly for families. People from different parts of the world join in this prayer. My husband sometimes joins but not consistent. This morning after the prayer, I sent the pastor a private message to remember my family in prayers especially for success in an exam my husband is about to write. I told my husband about this, and he flared up again. Then another round of talk of not being submissive and not obeying my husband. Please note that I'm not one of those who run after pastors and churches. I only joined this prayer group cos I connected with the way the pastor prays for families even though he doesn't know most of us and we don't know him personally.


These are just two out of the numerous issues. To be honest, I have made efforts to improve to please him and make our marriage work. I see these as petty issues and not something that should mean I am not being submissive or doing things in isolation. We talk about virtually everything we do but sometimes some things just come up that I react to immediately but always tell him about it.

As it is now, we may eventually go our separate way cos the constant reminder of him making a mistake to marry me because of my being un-submissive is making me lose interest in the marriage and killing the love I have for him. I just want to seek advise so it doesn't look like I did not make effort to make the marriage work.

Am I entirely wrong with my actions. Are the issues mentioned above not things that can be overlooked even after apologising. Should they warrant threats of divorce(which I don't have issues with anyway so everyone can have their peace)?

Different types of hugs.

Honestly, if a decision either way causes problems, then there are deeper issues to be ironed out.

merieam16:
Is his mom naw, me nd him will still hug tire so no need 4 rushing

How will one person have 43 pages of comments despite only joining NL this January.

43 pages of comments in 7 months??

Na was o.

Biko find a job and be a productive member of rhe society.

WILLuKPquiet:
You are just displaying childishness guy. I don't have your time. I just noticed you are following me already. Wonderful!

You are now one of my fans.

Thanks but I won't follow back. I don't follow insane guys.

Good night

So creepy

WILLuKPquiet:
She's a very contagious elegantly woman.

I entrust my likeliness upon her beauty. She is an arousal and a legally beauty of an entity.

Nonsense!

When I man is a looking far samtin to eat.

Joblessness..

Yo, you wrote it twice.

imanray37:
A feminist sighted she cooks her name as a he male

Abeg don't enter the road with your heightened sensibilities.

We don't need another statistic.

WILLuKPquiet:
Your inherited mental sickness won't allow you to maintain your lane.

Go ask your parents to show you the way to the house of the baba who cured them.

I don't check emails from guys like you. Send a thousand. It won't be checked.

Or what?

Can't handle the heat? Leave the kitchen.

WILLuKPquiet:
Guy maintain your lane thanks

I did not insult you first Mr. Philosopher.

Please locate the insult in my first comment:

Because everything has to be about me me me with you.

Why rain on her parade.

Mtchew.

You responded by insulting me:

"Grow up k[b]id[/b].

This is a forum. Go google the meaning.
Everyone has the right to their opinion. Stop insulting people upandan on the forum. Except if you were brought up by parents who behaved this way when they were your age. Then, its not your fault but theirs.

Have some manners"

WILLuKPquiet:
Well my guy. I dey maintain my lane for Nairaaland. You will never see me insult first. That's why if I mention you in a disagreement, I would do it with all politeness. Or make a joke that might even make you laugh though I disagreed.

But when you make a simple comment and some psyco jumped on your mention insulting you when you haven't insulted them at all.

One sign of that is bad parenting and if you put it to them its not bad. I feel sad a times saying such. But sometimes you need to blast the devil out some brains.
I might edit my comment.

Thanks

Happy for your successful marriage bro.

Keep the flag flying!!

Onebyonedead:
Am proud of her bruh ......that is the truth and I respect her more for what she done..
A cheat will always be a cheat even if he propeses

This is the fact.

I don't know which rock some people live under.

This lovely couple did not create the scenario of the woman proposing marriage, with or without all this fanfare.

Haven't they seen stories of some Christian mummies who say they saw the good in their husbands and prayerfully went after them?

Have they not seen where the lady asks the guy out?

Dicko1:
Pls,make us understand.is it until a man proposes to a woman that the marriage will go well but when it is the other way round .it is bad? Pls,let us understand something that it is the right attitude,you are not in possible to suggest what is right for some ,because it works for you does not mean it will work for another,moreover,it is the attitude of a woman ,either a man propses to u ooo and you don't have the right attitude .the woman will still regret it.they may even end up marrying each other and their marriage may even last longer than you could even imagine.you don't know all.just pray for your own home.that your marriage last is God.i have seen a lady that propose to my guy and for years almost 15years now .inshort I don't see any better marriage ,I still envy them.too sweet a marriage with 4 children .happy home

Imagine his hypocrisy in other parts of life.

OBku4:
We humans r interesting.

The very same time we say others shouldn't do is the very thing we turn around to do

some hypocrisy, don't I think?

People that are not in their house, their lives are busy killing themselves.

Later they'll be sending messages that touch in DMs.

Majikman:
Wen she is fine like dat , y won't he say yes

Lol.

The type to cry when his gf has a difference of opinion.

Drink some Stout while you cry..it's soothing.

WILLuKPquiet:
Tell your mum and pops what I said. They would tell you I was right.

Sick fool.

Exactly.

People are different. Respect the decisions and actions of others.

Mature opinion.

(Come and learn Mr. WILLuKPquiet)

Kemimarch16:
I'm not against it but I can't do it

Now you have it out of your system, go, cry and sleep.

WILLuKPquiet:
Now I know the kind of parents that gave birth to you. Animals.

Or....she would have asked another person out and also had a beautiful kid and lovely family.

Take a humble pill.

Onebyonedead:
Bullshit my wife asked me out and we have been married for 7 years with a beautiful girl

And i love everyday more

If she never made the move she would have been bitter old and single like u

What informs your opinion that this relationship is one sided. What makes you think that the woman doesn't bring enough to the table??

imanray37:
Like seriously this is very AFRICAN how will a man kneel for a woman who he will feed, clothes, and do everything for I spit on westernized ways

This is a lot more mature and dignified than the instances were the lady or her family will demand ring 24/7 until the poor man succumbs to the pressure.

Germi9:
kind of wierd sha,cos we are not used to it here

No one should.

Cattle can be found at the market.

spiceadole:
Who is going to pay bride price?

My friend shut up there.

This is a forum, if you talk rubbish, you will be informed of the rubbish.

Perhaps you don't know any better. Know now that at least one person disagrees with your rubbish

WILLuKPquiet:
Grow up kid.

This is a forum. Go google the meaning.
Everyone has the right to their opinion. Stop insulting people upandan on the forum. Except if you are brought up by parents who behaved this way when they were your age. Then, its not your fault but theirs.

Have some manners

Because everything has to be about me me me with you.

Why rain on her parade.

Mtchew.

WILLuKPquiet:
The lady is the man here. The guy is not man enough. If na me, na to give the girl a passionate kiss right there on her knees, pull her up taking the ring from her, then down on my knees I would go and ask her to marry me.
That's the way it should be.

Grammar, you no get; sense, mba. Wetin you sef get to offer person?

osazsky:
Nor try this for naija o...cuz na so so laff him guys go they laff am...these kind of guys should be d ones supporting their wives while their wives go out to huxzle the fool will just be at home watching zeeworld..d girl will be like honey what did u make for dinner today...so u like girl but fear nor let u propose I guess the guy is carward just like Ambode spits nonsence.he is definitely yoruba 1000 percent sure

So both people are spouses.

Partners in a special union contributing to a better life for themselves.

[quote author=Epukaa post=92177535][/quote]

Congrats!!

Wish you guys a happy, successful, black partnership.

Braintrain:
That’s b me I said yes
Please be happy for me

Equality in action.

Take your mini assurances and clown somewhere else.

Zzor:
you won't understand this because you are a man, but I can assure you that she will regret this later

Are you crazy?

Does anyone specifically ask for proposal?

GraGra247:
Many guys hate this and will reject the proposal even though they could've accepted it the other way round.

Ladies should avoid it except the guy specifically asked for it.

I don't think so but talk is cheap.

Happy he overcame but biko marriage shouldn't be so closely tied to money and sufferhead.