₦airaland Forum

10 and counting

So how does that concern nairaland?

nikkyshyne: So, how does your point affect the price of garri and groundnut for market?

Funny

Obinnau: at the federal high court of nairaland

Of which I'm the chief judge

I do. Any problem?

Nice joke keep it up

Wao lovely. I love 'em

larride: But sir na outside I dey dance now walks to a corner and starts singing **why me**

*Chewing kolanut

Ok so you weren't dancing in the hall...I see. forgives him

...going through his script

You peformed very badly in this exam, make sure you come and see me in my office or else, you would fail

larride: Omg shey this photocopier wan fall my hand ni, erm invigilator, I don finish ooo *****submit my paper and dancing kukere*****

I would minus 20marks from you for dancing in the exam hall.

Seun: If it's not good for women, it's not good for men.

seconded

Acidosis: **spying & copying**
Make I copy sharp sharp. . .

Vigilantee . . .sorry Invigilator°°°°°°°

I don finish oooo°°°°°°

You did not use eye pencil to shade, so I would not collect your script.

You have 40 minutes more to round up

This is the Second semester Jokes section examination.

University of Nairaland, Faculty of Jokes etc, department of crazy jokes.

Exam venue, unknown. Time allowed 2hours.

Course code Joke102

Course title crazy jokes 2.

Instructions. Please read it carefuly.

1. Use eye pencil to shade for the section A.

2. You can confirm from your friends work if you're not sure of the answer.

3. All expos must be disposed after making use of it. Also if you must cheat, you must ensure that you cheat discreetly.

4. Handsets, ipods and other gadgets are allowed.

5.When spying, make sure you copy correctly so as to have a good grade in this course.

SECTIION A. OBJECTIVE answer all questions.

1. If Oluwaseun Osewa is the VC of Nairaland, and mukina is the DVC, who is the HOD of the jokes section? (A) bin gabgbo (B) Dani1luv (C) vicky (D) larride

2. When a jokes doesn't make sense, what do you call it? (A) a senseless joke (B) a stupid* joke (C) an annoying joke (D) a delusional joke.

3. When a newbie starts a senseless argument on the jokes section, what's the best thing to do to him? (A) argue with him back (B) block him from viewing this section (C) ignore him (D) show him love.

4. If Seun bans ten guys in the jokes section for insulting a girl. What possibly could be his main motive for doing that? (A) Jealousi (B) Jealousy (C) Jelosi (D) jeleousee

5. If bin gabgbo's toilet makes N500 profit every day, and he has 10 workers which he pays N100 wages per day how much money would bin gabgbo have left after paying his workers? (A) nothing (B) he go broke die (C) -N500 (D) +N500

6. What is the plural for garri? (A) garium (B) garriee (C) garried (D) none of the above

7. Can you marry someone from this section? (A) yes of course (B) hell no (C) can't tell for now (D) indifferent.

8. Who is the funniest person on this section .........................

9. Who do love most on this section ..................................

10. If you impregnate one of the girls in this section, what would you do? (A) ah me I would run o! (B) if she fine I go marry her (C) I would deny (D) I would face my responsibilities

Section B. Answer 4 questions only

1. If I spend 20 minutes to login my user name and password, and 40 minutes to load the jokes sections, and 2 hours to surf through cool jokes. If I spend 3hours online in other sections, calculate how long I spent oinline and give your answer in seconds.

2. If the distance from the home page to the jokes section is 10km, and the distance from the the jokes section to the religion section 45.725km how long would it take a member who decides to travel from the religion section to the home section through the jokes section.

3. If ode remo loads N5000 air time on his phone, and gives N357 to 8 girls, how much would he have left on his phone.

4. If Nairaland was founded in April 2005, and a member joins in December 2008. Calculate how many months the member missed from April 2005 to December 2008.

5. If you become a mod on the jokes section, write 5 possible ways you feel you can resolve the conflit on the jokes section.

Good luck.

First that girl is confused and doesn't know what she wants. Secondly, Its obvious that she's blinded by her lust for you that's why she feels dating you is a better option than marrying her boyfriend.

Finally, I would suggest that you be honest when next you discuss this issue with her. From your posts, Its obvious that you yourself don't feel a soft spot for her. Let her be aware of you true feelings towards so she would know the next step to take cos your silence might be misinterpreted by her. And she might feel you lover her deep down but you're still battling with you guts to publicly admit it to her.

So in order to avoid giving her a fools hope I'd say have a heart to heart with her. Cos if you ask me, I'd say there's no point embarking on an aimless and pointless journey. Life is short, so utilize it constructively and reasonable so that you would have no regrets in the near future.

Good luck.

Dreams and visions can be trickish at times. I once read a story about a lady who saw her self in the dream getting married to a guy.


She felt that since it was a dream, its definately from God and and didn't bother to inquire more about the guy but went ahead to marry him. On getting married to him, she discovered that she actually didn't get married to a human being but a monster.

The guy made life worse than hell for her. To him (the guy) beating his wife was like an exercise. He made sure he beat her above three times a day. Even when what she did doesn't deserve any form ofbeating. Her self acclaimed pastor kept on assuring her that all would be well and advised her not leave her husbands house because it would be considered as a sin in the sight of God.

She obeyed the pastors voice and continued hoping. Unfortunately, things got from bad to wose. She lost two pregnancies as a result of the what her possessed husband put her through. She was so fustrated and tired of life that she attempted sucide, she drank a poisonous concoction and was rushed to the hospital. She later survived and left the monsters house back to her parents place.

She has since learnt to ignore dreams and visions (I wouldn't blame her for that)

Therefore I would suggest that you follow your heart. If you love her, marry her. If you don't, then let her be. Avoid taking decisions based on what you see when you're asleep. Cos its only a mad man that would run his life in reality based on what he saw in a dream.

Good luck.

To me, it matters because I can't possibly date a girl who is either my mate or older than me.

*Chewing kolanut*

Now this is intresting.

Why should it be

miteolu: http://www.sodahead.com/united-states/obamacare-makes-rfid-chips-mandatory-march-23-2013/question-2470359/

US Senate has passed the 'Obama Health Care' bill into law & the implementation would commence on 23/03/2013.

This bill would require all Americans to be implanted with a Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) chip in order to access medical care.

The device will be implanted on the forehead or on the arm.

This is to fulfill the prophesy in the Book of Revelation 13:15-18 concerning the

MARK OF THE BEAST! Are you still in doubt concerning the ENDTIME?

GET READY!

JESUS IS ABOUT 2 COME THE SECOND TIME!

Be prepared so you are not caught unawares.

My only prayer is that I make heaven; if Obama wants to change usa's name to 666 its his prroblem. I probably would be in heaven by then. So whatever news coming from his is totally useless to me.

diluminati: when will religion end? when will everyone become an atheist? seems the path is getting clearer by the day but will it happen soon or a thousand years from now? anything to keep track of the process?

I think what you should be concerned about is where you would spend your eternity, and not when religion would end.

Jesus is coming soon, so I would advise you to be prepared for him so that you won't be taken unawares.

ijawkid: Hahahahahahahahaha...

Chei I don die for laugh.....

Oya go ...........

But make u know say craze man no dey enter heaven o.......lol

Says who?

God would even consider me into heaven before anyone of you because I'm special. He knows that if I come over I would use my crazy talent to praise him even much better. So de there de laf me, heaven don sure for me pass u.

So sad.

The government ought to have programs that would counsel young people on things like this. But its a pity that our government is so busy embezzling money that they care so little for the common Nigerian.

Its a pity.

onila: onila is cool

I love that

anthony24: Tanx a lot for d info u really helped. Pls do u know about their direct entry admission??

Yea the form is out already. And I believe they would write the exam next month.

Teci: pls wer can i get the authentic cut off list

Go to the Admin block (block B) first floor. Then go into the admissions unit and request for it, they would give it to you.

Yahoo1: Pls guys answer dis question!
I chosed Unizik as my first and 2nd choice institution and i wrote English,Government,Literature,and C.R.S in Jamb and i offered Law as my first choice course! But during the post utme i chosed History and international relations as my 2nd choicee course! So my problem is;-1.are the subjects i wrote compatible with this course(history/int.relations)? 2.if its compatible,does it mean i would be given the course in unizik,because i heard unizik dont give second choice! Pls i need your answers! Before i know what to do about this supplementary. Thanks and God bless

First of all, if you choose unizik as you first and second choice, then you have nothing to be afraid of. Unless maybe your post utme score isn't high enough.

Then about the second choice, usually in unizik, you're often advised to shade a lower course during your post utme exam. The main reason of this excerise is that if you're unable to get your main course, you would still have a chance of admission since you shaded a lower course as you second option.

So there's nothing to be afraid of for all is well.

zumarock8: english @ its best...no coma no fullstop

Ha ha funny. I guess the English don fall brake

[quote author=pres-elect]first of all i went nowhere.
but ive noticed that there are lots of useless threads making front page these days from celebrity section. na im make me kukuma come enjoy my own share of front page story

everyday person go look front page for better thing na so so yeye celebrity story front page carry. . . rihanna like chris, tonto dike coughs, genevieve wear green blouse etc etc etc . .so next front page story . . pres-elect is back (from nowhere)

OMG !!!! you're still reading this [/quote]Funny

We treated this topic before. So why no let sleeping dogs lie.

That hand is photoshoped period.