₦airaland Forum

coogar: i hope you know some people work from home!
in fact, the ones i know took that option because they want to raise their kids and they cannot even afford to hire an au pair. their companies installed a server in their living rooms and they work in their sitting room in this same uk. so tell me, is the education of such women wasted? even if we remove the uk setting and concentrate on the nigerian setting - there are various businesses one can do at home that would bring in money. do you have another point left?

I dont get the point of arguing cos this your post also seems like Efe's point.You dont have to leave home to work and earn an income.One does not necessarily have to suffer for the other.As those management consultants put it work/life balance.

jidegirl12: Don't be ridiculous sis( which kind ewa agoin?)... Monè makes the world go round ... I am not interested going in circles with cooger

... so he's willing to drop his whole nine yards for his family's upkeep including cream ? Baba agbalagba cooger... I duff my weave o!

I spend over 100 grand for tuition so I should put everything on omo olomo cos I want to spend quality time with my kids? What's wrong with prioritizing my parenting skills? We both chose the lifestyle so we have to make it work TOGETHER

Yes i am serious if it is FRIED chicken and chips.Beans is full of protein and fibre.(trust me hubby calls me nutrition freak check out my moves on food section ).

But seriously jokes apart money does make the world go round.BUT this argument would always be subjective however you view it.Lets not make it out that having and being able to afford the best schools,holidays,houses etc=good parenting.Those things are very good as they are an enabler BUT they do not necessarily mean a child will turn out well.

I know a child who went to Roedan(private sch) and is in University of Portsmouth and one who went to a local catholic sch in Cambridge.I do acknowledge esp in the Uk that the one who went Roedan has a higher probability of doing well with proper parental input but might not always be the case.Its all subjective.

Try your best as a parent in all ways,financially,mentally,psycologically etc BUT we cant definitively say that a working mum who adds to private sch fees child will definitely turn out better than a stay at home mum whose child is in public sch where mum is a teacher and tutors him/her cos she works part time.Or vice-versa.So its all relative.

As i said do what suits YOU and your family.

dayokanu: But you know there is a limit parenting can do when your child grows up in Ajegunle/Peckham, Attends Public schools vs Private schools and eat better food vs Garri and sugar

In Nigeria the poor peoples diets are usually low and no amount of of parenting would make Garri and groundnut better than Chicken and chips for the child

Your kidding me right.Chicken and chips. .Ewa agoyin with garri is better nutritionally.Abeg lets leave that thing.

And now we are taking it to a class issue.If Iya and Baba Mukaila like make dem work 300 hrs per week combined,they cant afford Corona

coogar: exactly!
not everyone can afford to raise kids to the required standard!
recently it was estimated the cost of raising a child is £220,000 in the uk - you think say raising kids is beans? people who cannot raise them well should leave the business of procreation for those who can. if sending my children to £30,000 per term school would involve me taking loans from sisikill and ileobatojo every year then i am not qualified to have a child - it's as simple as that!



look at this odious tool - i am using your argument to destroy you.
earlier, you stated allowing your wife to work opens the doors for lekki/ikoyi residence, top schools and blah blah blah and i countered back that the difference between ojuelegba flat and a lekki mansion can never equate to your wife's salary.....therefore, a bachelor whose salary cannot afford lekki house should resign his fate that he cannot raise his kids to a standard quality! what's so ambiguous about that?



don't be silly......of course they can have families but they should not dream of putting those kids in british-american schools in ikoyi or dream of summer vacations every quarter of the year - like you claimed that working couples would automatically have .



it will not if you are sensible enough and you put proper child care into consideration. first n foremost, you need a trusted professional hand to take care of those kids while you workaholics are having the time of your lives. how much would that professional cost you?

I see your points but you are now deviating a lil.Having all the money does not equate good parenting.

dayokanu: Its outright delusion to think you currently have the best thing your kids can afford. Unless you are Dangote or Adenuga an average Nigerian working bachelor barely has enough to live in Ikoyi, Send kids to top schools where they pay over 1m per semester, Provide excellent meals and summer vacations

All relative,all relative my bro.Living in Ikoyi,paying 1m per semester,providing excellent meals(if you plan ahead and this is from personal experience you dont need loads to eat healthy) and summer vacations are not the ONLY parameters to judge good parenting.

dayokanu: Its not exactly rocket science that household expenses are easier to manage when two people work instead of one person

A man can send the kids to Onward nursery, the wife can contribute and they can go to Corona, The man can afford Fish on eba, the woman can contribute to make it turkey on rice, The man can afford Agege the woman can contribute to make it Magodo

And Its actually the Western world that emphasizes working mothers rather than the Nigerian society that raises males to be lazy

But you know this is not one size fits all?Some couples with two wages cant afford even Onward.And some people can afford Eton and Malvern St James on one wage.

Sorry everyone i just had to add the Kate Middleton bit. >: .

Cos there is 'work' and there is career.

There was this thread by Greatgod about combining family and career and alot of men and women were castigating women who agreed to jobs when they knew their families might create a conflict.

There really is no argument here,do what works for YOU.

Kate Middleton does not ' work',she has 'royal duties'.

Lol i no blame the woman ojare.

Nur teachers,child minders,nannies etc deserve medals i tell ya( the good ones o cos some are ).

When hubby babysits, my phone starts going off after like two hrs.Bobo is not eating the rice, i say you have to keep at it he will take it eventually.When i get back he looks like he just fought world war 3 . I hear you dey try o.Bebe almost killed me with Why?

Morayo747: I see nothing wrong with being a full time house wife. Infact once we have the baby we're planning for my wife is going to be a full time house wife.

Reason is this : we have 1 daughter at the moment her nursery fees is in excess of £700 every single month. My wife earns about £1300 every month after tax. This means it absolutely makes no sense whatsoever for her to work if we add to our brood.

For those saying stay at home mums are lazy you really don't know what you are saying as raising children is hard work too.

If anyone is going to be grumpy and tired everyday I'd rather it be me. I don't mind at all being the sole provider in my home.

This oga just made the point of what i was trying to say earlier because madams money cant even pay for two kids in Nursery.So whats the point?So people can sha see that she is working.


Staying home with young kids is so physically exhausting.They need to be entertained,heck i cant even go to the loo without a child in tow.My daughter's teacher told me there is inset day on Friday so no school, i rolled my eyes and groaned,the lady burst out laughing.

Going to work i read on the train,am on my own with my thoughts.I have my lunch break people see me as a person not Mummy.I can be in a meeting and zone out and when my work load is light i can chat with a colleague have lunch with a friend.etc.Its much more glamorous .Thats why i cant stay home full time.But i would never knock those who can and are.

tpia@:
People in nigeria usually assume overseas is a land of milk and honey where gold is lying around on the street waiting to be picked up and sent home.

A lot of diasporans do give this impression with the way they blow cash when they visit nigeria. How they acquired the money is best known to them but not others.

Its not until folks actually travel out that they understand the real situation of things.

Not me .Customs sef no like me right from the airport.In short the only time people dash me money is when i go to Nigeria .
People are rich in that naija men.100k for lunch no be beans who will dash you £400 for lunch in Uk .My daughter had never seen that many notes in her short life

BABE!:
. . .reasonable family planning comes to mind. I usually wonder why parents make 4 babies almost all at once and deprived the babies of their entitlements. Its never made sense to me. These parents are still struggling, praying to God to bless their hustle, and then they invite 4 more little heads from heaven to join them in their half-miserable-pay check to pay check lifestyle. Children are not puppies.

Potential parents should tie up their tubes if
they aren't ready to take FULL care of their kids. The world they are coming into is cruel enough.

I'm beginning to have a rethink about my anti-abortion stance.

I have two kids and we have decided we are fine with the two.But everyone including my mum keeps saying ahan 2 is small now,is it money God will provide.They dont get that its just not about money.Some people are strong and can effectively cater to five kids emotionally,academically,psycologically and also material needs.Mbanu i am not that strong.Two i can manage for now and God willing two is all i will have.

But 'working' might not necessarily mean being away from home naa Haba its not till i knack suit and ten inch heels that means am contributing to the home.As i said earlier in my opinion staying home is sometimes harder than going out to work.

You want to try wanting to place an order online when your crawling baby somehow gets to the router (i wonder how he fit into that corner) and voila you lose internet connection and someone outbids you before. you set it all up again .

I advocate for having some sort of income(any sort of TOTAL financial dependency on another humam being is not too wise) but someone has to be there to make time for the kids.Whether we like it or not truth is its harder when both mum and dad pull typical full time hrs.I have done it with one child and its not easy talkless of those that do with a couple of children.

I doff my hat to those super women.As for me i no fit.Flexible/part time work all the way.

I would not necessarily be one but who am i to question what works for another couple.
I think its unfair to term all women who dont 'work' as lazy.Esp in the west sometimes some people have too many kids and childcare costs might mean they might not be able to afford working sef.When i mean work i mean in the 9-5 organised labour sense.

I dont recommend though just sitting home twiddling your thumbs.Be productive.Volunteer at local charities.Learn a skill.Do something other than cook and clean.Believe me i have been at home for 10 months with my baby and some days i just want to scream(days i feel have just passed by). .Cant imagine doing this full time.Its harder ,at least going to and from work i had time to myself on the train,during my lunch hr

I personally believe the best care one can give the parents(cos i also treasured that as a kid)is care,attention,time,compassion and most of all love.Money too as well(unless we are saying wealthy aged parents who can afford to cater for themselves dont deserve attention) but not the main thing.Finances should be used to demonstrate care not just as an instrument in itself.Vice-versa as a parent its not just about buying kids the most expensive stuff.

Try as much as possible to be there for them.Elderly people just need to know that they are still valued.If you live far,call at least once a week and every opportunity you have try to visit them

dayokanu: Debo was the skinny boy in ISL that graduated in 1998. That has Ogo (back of head) resembling T-square.

Of course he was an antisocial and dirty scruffy geek who was always reading Lolly magazine under his desk

He was reported to Mr Hassans office for throwing mirror on the floor to look at a girls underwear

Not admitting to being in the 98 set .More like Mrs Peters and Mrs Monehins era but those silly boys did use to do that alot.Dirty pimpled creeps.

debosky: Hmm. . .

Why Hmmm?

queensmith: you've started again, who the hell is otueke

Debosky, the standards of education in Nigeria is different, learning is very independent back home and teachers are not faced with the level of discipline required here. They sleep with the students (on a very large scale, im not talking a 16 yr old runnin off to France with a maniac but of 12 yr olds trading sex for grades), the children are abused by students and teachers, many forced to do hard labour and the schools are poorly equipped. I attended a state school in Nigeria i'm not talking out of my arse here.

Attending any school is a gamble, but you can be very well reassured that in the UK you child will receive a decent education. Whether your child is in the right state of mind to take advantage of it is his/her problem.

Working toilets, windows that shut and roofs that cover the ceiling is even enough for me to tell anyone Skinners is outright better than Queens College (i assume QC is a state school, and one of the most reputable ones in Nigeria), you only need common sense and experience of both situations to understand this.

I'm not speaking for the whole international community, as far as schools in the UK are concerned I can vouch for them.

Maybe not today but i would prefer Queens college of the 80's 90'sto Skinners of the 80's 90's.My personal opinion. I went to ISL in the 90's and like 70% of my set who went to Uni in the Uk went to Russell Group or so called Red brick universities.I dont think the same can be said for most bog standard local comprehensives.

Aww kids hen.Is she eating solids?She should be by 1.I know i had the same issue with my daughter till now i have to be there till she falls asleep.It helps starting a sleep routine ie winding down.Let her asssociate some things with bedtime.Maybe giving her a warm bath,turning off the tv,change to her pyjamas,read a book then switch off the lights.For now you can stay with her till.she drops off but maybe make it earlier evening i.e. like btw 6/8.

Its a hard process but you have to be lovingly firm.My baby is 10 months and am stricter with him but i really need the alone time with my hubby.He is teething at the mo and is drivinge up the wall.

About the food,if she has solids three times a day which she should by now she does not need the breastmilk as much.Maybe cut it down to one or two feeds a day.From two cut down to one and supplement with formula for that age(i think one yr olds can even have cow milk).From two feeds maybe morn and eve drop down to one and from then stop.

Eeya sorry and Good luck.Am guessing she is your first.Na so them be.Fussy divas

Mrs mansson: I am familiar with abefe the writer.she is fond of making excuses for every wrong she has done in the past.blame her ex husband for her marriage that didn't work.always looking for one to put the blame on.

Lets not shoot the messenger here.I agree human beings at a certain age have to be responsible for their lives.BUT she is right as regards parental input.


I am who i am today mostly because of the work my parents put in.That does not mean i hold them responsible for my failures.eg I hated maths in secondary school but looking back i am thinking i was probably so blaise about it.If i had maybe put in like 50% more effort and not conclude that it was too difficult i might have had a better result than P7 at waec.My parents did their part,they knew from my teachers(by coming to open day) that was my only weak point(was an arts student and had all A's apart from maths and economics).So they enrolled me in extra lessons and i had a home tutor for maths only.Did i still apply myself,No i just thought i can never know it.So that was my failure.It turned back to bite me and i ended up not studying the course i wanted to.

So all i am saying in essence try your best as a parent and equip the child the best that you can.Its now left to them to take advantage of the opportunities and lessons you give.

P.S some were children defy all odds and will still turn out bent.But might be all round worse with less parental input.

@OP i read your post nodding along with goose pimples on my arms.The picture you painted is soooo true.I almost stopped watching BBC london news as everyday you hear of teens stabbing,molesting and comitting all sorts of heinous crimes.The saddest part for me is 8 out of 10 times they have Nigerian names so are clearly of Nigerian origin.

Its sooooo sad.As you said misplaced priorities is the no 1 issue.I have a family friend too who had twins that were my younger sis age.Back then to prove 'class' they took them out of school and took them to ireland to live with the oldest son and wife.They escaped from there as they said the wife was too harsh and found themselves in London.One of them in particular got involved in all sorts,bank fraud etc and even got arrested and escaped at one point.Obviouslythey had no papers and were brought here in their mid teens.Today both of them have no qualifications and btw them have four kids and plenty tussles with their baby daddies.

Alot of Nigerian parents in the uk(i hope alot grt to see this)need to get their priorities straight.Its harder here than Nigeria full stop to raise a successful well rounded child.The stacks are raised against you being black and again living in a foreign land.You have to care and unfortunately something has to give.I used to think the problem.was even living in inner cities but its not even the major problem.I know someone who lives in a council flat with her family and her three kids are one of the most behaved kids i have ever met.The first girl has even been penned as Oxbridge material in her school.Am not saying they are saints as teens will be teens(were we ourselves not teens) but sacrifices had to be made.

As my hubby says whats the use of the mansion in Nigeria when the kids that will inherit have turned to hoodlums in the UK?Must you buy every aso ebi that is taken?Must you drive the latest Range?Do you really need all that gold?Believe me these are the reasons some peolle work all the hours that God put on this earth.Dont get me wrong there is nothing wrong with working hard and having nice things but pls if you decide to have children their welfare(not only their financial needs)should become your top priority.God punish the work that will make me miss ALL my kids school open days.

The system does not want black kids to succeed or ok dont let me be emotional the statistics dont want black kids to excel.Refuse to let your child be part of the statistics esp if you cant afford private school.My kids are still pre school and some people think am being OTT by all my prep.I dont care.God willing and give me the Grace,they and their development come first in me and hubby's life.

We really need to stop and re evaluate as a people.Indian,philipinos,chinese(i have why i said those countries) too are immigrants abeg.

jidegirl12: Well grandma is used to the frequent income from them, I'm not saying they should send same amount now... but half quarter one-eighth bread is better than none.

Wow... na by force to stay abroad? Their situation sounds very uncomfortable now

Abi now.Its another story...i.e living abroad illegally is not beans.But if they go back home,same people will say with all your years abroad nothing to show for it and start ridiculing them.


That said,i dont like being judgemental about this illegal immigration thing(always tell hubby the same thing oga britico ).I dont know her that well so i cant say what sort of life she lived back home and what might have prompted her decision to emigrate if illegally.I think she met hubby here sef.

Also who says they cant run into hard times back home? .I have a friend back home who she and her hubby worked in new generation bank.They lost their jobs within two weeks of each other.

Thats life ojere,its full of ups and downs.

jidegirl12: I doubt grandma will complain if she recieves that^^ amount every month or every other month..,

My Yoruba people says.. Oun ti ko Dara ko dara( call a spade a spade)... Ati talaka lati ma mo omo to ma Shanu eni! ( it's from grass you determine a child that'll take care of you when he's graceful/blessed)

...let it be instilled in him from now to care for his MIL as part of his responsibility!

Let him send even 30 pounds/month and see what happens.... I talk bout boundaries and principles... wife should spell it out to her mum; that's all we can afford now mom and grandma will never question it... she might to other people( who cares eh?) but not to her.

But jidegirl,they were taking care of this family.From the story she told me,she is even the one who rented the place they are living in.She told me its not hubby fault that when she was working(i think she was working with dagbo papers before she stopped and faced hair) and had kids she had single handedly sent home like £1000 at once.Tell me if hubby was not doing his bit then how would she have been able to be sending money home?She does not seem like (and to be honest her hubby ) she does not want to take care of her mum but its just their PRESENT circumstances.

tpia@:
how old are her siblings?

She should be(am guessing) in her late twenties so am guessing her siblings are early twenties or maybe late teens.Dont know just guessing.As i said we got to know on a hair makjng basis and she took a liking to me.She calls me aunty sef(that makes me uncomfortable too am not that old ).

jidegirl12: I'm Kuku awake... I'm just thinking outta the box here and realistic.... ofcourse you're a man right so I'm not surprised ....not being the first child even makes her contribution very little sef.

... Damiso pls I asked ; is the guy sending money to his own people or not? very little won't kill him.

I did not ask that cos i did not want to be like its a your people vs his people kinda advice.Most of his family are here dont know about the parents.I dont think the guy is against them sending something but i think its more to do with them having money issues at the mo.As i said the guys pays most of the bills and as i said she helps with the lil she gets from her not too regular income.Even me that am talking the last i made my hair with her was in October.

jidegirl12: I understand grandma's frustration due to the current situation in Nigeria... Nobody back home understand what goes on here until they come on down ( Bob Parker ) and see for themselves...,

However Damiso... Saying grandma's well being is not her hubby's responsibility is kinda little outta line ... Infact it's falls both on them..no matter how small her contribution is to the family purse is what she can afford for now because of their current status... they need to find a way to send the little( even very little) they can to grandma ... what bout the hubby, did you ask if he sends money to his own family or not?

Unity is preached every-time in Marriage but is taking care of your parents not supposed to be part of your family budget?( Extras aside?)

To answer your question, I think grandma is suffering and they only way she thinks she could reach out is to be inappropriate...

Jidegirl thats my TAKE on the issue.Believe me God forbid but if i am needy in my old age i will take my kids providing for me as an extra not their sole responsiblity.Maybe its how i was raised(my dad esp)used to say we taking care of him was more in the way of thinking about his welfare not necessarily financial or material.I.think its unfair to place extra finacial burden on a young couple with a growing family.Take my mum now she does not really have anyone she is responsible for.We are three,i am the first,my sis is working and the last boy just got a job.So does she not have more disposable income than me?

Dont get me wrong am not saying hubby should not help his MIL.They should do it as a couple.So if she sends say 100 pounds(just an examaple) which is just 25k in naija,mum might not see it as anything spectacular.But to them it might be their gas bill for the month.

As i said at beggining of the post,thats why am.squeamish when asked to advise someone .
Maybe i am wrong but that is my belief.

CC you know i used to be angry when some if my male friends then when i was working in naija say they cant marry from some kind of families.I would argue and argue that you are marrying the person but now i kinda see their point.

You are right she has to be respectfully firm to let mum not disrespect her hubby.My mum too can sometimes in her bid to be caring sometimes come across as nosy.So i saw this land in kini kan estate for 2M se u wont bring money ti buy?I tell her ok mum we will look into it.Ehen there is this stock in UBA se you wont tell your hubby so you people can buy.One day i told her like a joke,you know there is something called the internet and we know whats going on in Naija more than you sometimes sef.I know ur worried about us and want us to invest back home but dont worry we are thinking about it.She rarely tells me stuff like that anymore(am not saying she is wrong o but sometimes it felt like she was kinda comparing).I do what i can and if i give something its from Us.When he gives,its from.Us.I have one aunty(spoken about her in another thread)she will be like you buy me perfume,hubby buy me watch, i warned my mum that is rubbish.Whatever we buy she has to live with.She says things like eyan oma kin gbe okunrin kpon bayi(one does not back men like this) but she knows not to tell me all that anymore.So its how you present your relationship to people.

I hope she got my point about hubby not being the issue.Its not easy without papers and the guy is trying.At least they are making headway with that issue.Thats why i go out of my way to go to her house to make my hair cos i can afford childcare or get hubby to babysit.Her hubby has like two jobs and this immigration case has cost so much.Thats why i wonder if this living without papers thing sef is worth it

Happy sunday peeps.This is an issue brought to me a by a friend of mine.I will add the advise i gave her but thought to share and get other opinions anonymously cos this person asked me in confidence(i dont know about others but am really uncomfortable about givin marital advice,who i be or wetin i know but for some odd reason peeps keep asking me for advice )

Anyway my friend lives here in the uk with her hubby and two kids.Can i even say she is my friend?I got introduced to her like 5 yrs ago as she made someone's hair that i liked and she has made my hair since then.She is a very very nice person and i can see that she really likes me so i guess she is my friend ojere.Anyway she and hubby have been living here illegally for a while and hubby finally got his papers about two yrs ago.The kids by virtue of their dad are also now legal but she has her papers still in the home office(what she told me)

By virtue of this she cant really work.She just does this hair and also sells bits and pieces that come her way.I can see that she is very industrious and can travel miles just to fix 30 pound weave.I had to tell her o gal if ur travelling far you get to charge extra for home service abeg.

Well the issue is her mum.She is more or less the one who supports her family back home and has been doing that for a while now.But as most mums and indeed parents would know having kids just makes your finances less disposable.Coupled with the fact that they are not legal and are not entitled to some benefits that most legal low paid workers are entitled to.Making ends meet for the last couple of yrs has been a struggle.Her hubby pays all the bills and she helps with the lil she makes from making hair which is even trickier now that she has two young kids in tow which brings up child care issues.And London is such a hotbed for afro salons and hair dressers so she is unable to make as much as before.

Due to all this,she has been unable to send home money as much as she used to.She tried explaining to her mum and siblings that things have changed but they are finding it difficult to understand.She asked for my advice cos she said her mum called her one day to ask what exactly is happening cos she is worried(not too bad any mother should be.concerned if she feels her child is not doin toowell).She said she explained all their issues and the next thing her mum asked is how much does she and hubby make?Am like maybe its just a rhetorical question?She said no,she actually wanted to know the exact amount cos she cant understand why she keeps complaining that she cant send money?That if she was in Nigeria sef even if she earned 30 thousand naira wont she feed her mother?That her hubby is not man enough to take care of her needs cos if he settled all his responsiblities,the money she made doing hair could be sent home.That she is hungry and she has a child abroad That her hubby that keeps saying he does not have is it not some men that build houses for their MIL and train all his wife's siblings?

My mouth was wide open and i had to ask what age range is your mum.She said late fifties to early sixties?I had to say you know if she was in public service she might just be retiring,she is old but not helpless.Does she have a medical condition?She said no.Ok what does she do?She said nothing.I told her point blank your mum is bang out of order(i had to say this cos i could see from her tone that she was kind of resenting her hubby as she asked him for monet to send home and he said no that he still had to pay her solicitor).Your mum is not your hubby responsibility(my opinion or am i wrong?).You can take care of her but i think you need to equip her to be making something no matter how lil.So when you are not able to send money you wont be hearing they are hungry.As soon as you guys are settled,look for a way to set up something that she can do with lil capital.I know everyone sells in Nigeria but at least she can make something extra to feed till you are able to send something.I honestly did not know what to say cos she was sort of reporting her hubby to me for not giving her something to send home.I gave her something on top of the money for my hair and told her to.send that.

So my question is was Mum in this case being caring or just being plain selfish?And how can she handle it aside the advise i already gave her?

Vikin: Now this is getting complicated!

But thanks for the tip. Am just wondering how am gonna hold that tiny baby in the slippery bath and at the same time timing how long baby stays in there etc.

Na wah! I believe I will scale through.

The umbilical cord is another one too.

Dont worry ul be fine. .As jidegirl a
has said you can olive oil instead of palm oil.If my husband who was(still is sometimes )as impatient as anything could bath a baby you can.And my baby was not a big baby.Somebody had to bite the bullet to do it.

As for the umblical cord area before it drops its best left alone.Just make sure the area round it dry.After it drops off you can then use a flannel folded into a ball place it on a warm iron and place on the belly button.With my daughter i felt it was not necessary but she was a cry cry baby and had colic, i noticed that after i did that she settled much better at night.With my son my mum used one herb thing like that wrapped in a cloth with a warm iron(traditionally they use kerosene lanterns).

Ujujoan: Can someone please tell me 'the Nigerian' way of bathing a new born
I live in Nigeria and I've not seen where they massage a baby's head with palm oil

I think maybe its a yoruba thing.And its thought to be the 'first' proper bath when baby comes home as i dont think any hosiptal will allow all those rituals.With my son,my mum came from Nigeria with a bathing kit .There was black soap for teething,for skin,alum,native sponge(did not allow her use it though),one thing like that they use for massaging the umblical cord area.In short it was like the boy was goin to literarily empty his tear sac.But make i no lie he slept till the next morning after that bath

And then me,uhmm she brought pepper soup things,brandy(am like mum i am breastfeeding),after 3 days of enduring her burning and yes it was burning my tummy,i told her il hit the gym to get rid of the tummy.
Gosh it was painful.Then i had to sit on hot water and dettol which i endured for two weeks and then said no more esp as the health visitor said i was ok down below.It was over the top but funny enough i enjoyed it cos with my first it was me and my hubby doing trial and error with parenting books .She is fine by the
way

I think its more like a cultural thing cos my mum as of today o(not future the woman has two second degrees) is more educated and well traveled than i am so it really is not something just uneducated peeps do.

jidegirl12: Bring the baby in the tub with your wrist /palm supporting the head... First wash the hair quick and dry with washcloth, damp same washcloth in warm water and wipe the face with it ... Head area done

The body, put soap in same washcloth and wash the front and back respectively & rinse, , bring baby out dry with warm towel( I use blanket warmer ) and dress up.

Easiest way to go round it.Hubby had to do the first bath for my daughter as my mum could not come down for the first few months and i was in pain for the first 7 days(sorry to scare you ).That was the method he used and we then applied olive oil as even one of the oyinbo nurses had advised at the hospital.My mum was horrified and ordered someone in from as far as manchester to sha do that naija bathing in.I told her oyinbos dont do all this ur ceremony and contrary to what u guys think(most naijas)they dont all stink .That one is down to personal hygiene as an adult.I did not allow the aunty throw my child in the air sha.

With my son,mum was around and did the whole shebang(excluding throwing up i no gree almost fainted from my childs cries at circumsision so u can imagine how jumpy i am).

p.s gosh being a parent is so exhausting.10month old wey don dey sleep thru just started waking up again.He is teething but now they(him.and daddy) are snoring happily and i cant sleep