Damiso's Posts
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 Family › Re: Classical Dilemma:to Go Or Not? by damiso(f): 11:17pm On Jan 23, 2013*. Modified: 11:33pm On Jan 23, 2013 |
OP i can get where you are coming from as a man BUT as has been said by so many other people,sometimes its just not about money. I am also at the risk of facing redudancy at work because my dept is undergoing some operational changes and are moving to an entirely different location.Mind you its one i can commute to(about 2 hrs on the train) and if i am willing due to my experience might even be able to get a higher role and in turn higher pay. BUT like you my marriage is relatively young, i have two kids under 4, my daughter is begginning to settle into a school really sought after,hubby works in this city and i really really wanted to go back to work part time for a couple of years. I am thinking to myself do i really want to spend 4 hrs commutting 5 days a week and be this perpetually wound up.mum.Also is it fair to my employers to sometimes mess up train delays inevitable issues that u tend to have with under 5's.My hubby is like do what you feel u can handle but i dont want u being stressed and unhappy cos u took on too much.He knows how wound up i become if i think am not performing at optimum level.So its a dilemma but one am tilting to putting family at the forefront of.These days i might never get back with my kids.To be honest though the money aspect still appeals to me but am thinking if i go down the redudancy route the severance package(quite generous as they had to be careful cos am.on mat leave) i get might still tide me(hubby is asking me to save it and he handles all the bills for now) over for a while but as half ijebu i love earning money.Its a strange and very confusing place to be at but as someone who has been through it before told me sometimes it takes things like this to point one in the right directiom or purpose for your life.I run a small business as well so maybe just maybe being an entepreneur might be on the cards.Maybe just maybe. Its up to you to convince your wife on the pros but as you have said if she is not convinced maybe you might have to let go or look for a way for you all to make the move together. 1 Like |
| Family › Re: How Do You Discipline Your Children? by damiso(f): 3:06pm On Jan 22, 2013 |
I have a 3and a half yr old and a 10 month old.My 3 yr old also has a very strong personality and at 3 the things she comes out with and does sometimes amazes me. Now i think she is begginning to understand consequences but when she was like 2 my major mode of punishment was the naughty chair.She hated that chair and will be a good girl not to go on it.I did and prob will smack on the very rare occurence and believe me the few times i have she could not get over it. Now she knows some behaviours=repercussion.You dont eat,you go hungry.You are naughty, no going to the park or going out to build snow men.You say naughty words or throw tantrum,mummy is not giving you face(and for now am her information minister and best friend  )so she cant stand mummy not talking to her.She also lives for praise so always wants to do things that makes mummy and daddy say well done,good girl,am proud of you.Generally i am trying to stay away from the typical smack and yell all the time(though it seems young kids tend to behave like yelling is the only language).I want to establish the relationship on whose boss in the house.We are and i want it to be as calm and non violent as possible.So far i think its working.As an aside,its for my own sanity and want to avoid my own image of my mum which was' mummy will just shout'.I want to be like my dad no drama but you dare not cross him.Also you know No Is No. 1 Like |
| Family › Re: Divorce Settlement And Child-Support Be Introduced In Nigeria? by damiso(f): 2:45pm On Jan 22, 2013 |
FXKing2012: Very nice post. Yes I believe several factors should be considered before granting the settlement such as whether the woman was made to stop working by the husband.I agree not every woman(and very rarely man)who is not'working' should be termed as lazy.I know a guy who is a stay at home dad but he does web design on a freelance basis.They as a couple decided for him to stay home(for a while) as they have four kids including a set of twins under 8.By the time they are spending like 2 grand on child care (breakfast club after sch club)etc.The wife earned more.And this could also be vice-versa. I am thinking of going back to work part time not cos i dont like being a career woman.But someone has to be there for the kids and as hubby earns more we agreed for me to.The only thing is i cant give up work totally or even not have some sort of income.I am just too fiercely independent for that.But i wont judge those who choose to go down that route |
| Family › Re: 12 Ways To Have A Happy, Healthy Marriage by damiso(f): 4:21pm On Jan 20, 2013 |
I am a christian and i love God BUT(my pastor disagrees with me but he is entitled to his opinion) i think 1,2,3 make you a better person and MAYBE in turn a better spouse but are not nrcessarily what makes you a good spouse.I think the other points are more like it.I teach sunday sch in Church and i say this(IMO)eternity and salvation are or should be the preoccupation of a christian.All the things on this earth maariage wealth are just secondary. In other words you dont have to be a christian to have a happy marriage.(all born again christians pls dont bite me).I know loads of people who arenot christian and have happy marriages and loads of christians who dont. |
| Family › Re: Have You Ever Had An Arguement With Your Spouse? by damiso(f): 3:48pm On Jan 20, 2013 |
Is it possible not to disagree or sometimes have a diff world view from someone you met as an adult,has a diff upbringing maybe even traditions?  .We dont have arguments as someone i know will say we have 'heated fellowship' .Not possible not to with me and my i have researched it self. |
| Family › Re: Help: Boyfriend & Girlfriend Fighting Over Intimacy. by damiso(f): 3:42pm On Jan 20, 2013 |
Efemena_xy: CC, Debrief, Jenny, Damiso, Vikin and co. abeg make una free the babe jor!Ok we will free her .Sebi we want to even join the brazilian weave wearing association courtesy freecocoa.I will call my friend i no buy again.But haba CC why only me go pay full price?Not nice  sharing abeg let me send my address.Enough of derailing the thread :Dd |
| Family › Re: Help: Boyfriend & Girlfriend Fighting Over Intimacy. by damiso(f): 9:47am On Jan 20, 2013 |
chaircover: LOL you have a bigheart now!No o CC ur not.My hair is quite long and i tend to have it out,in braids or short weave(soo lily livered keep wanting to cut my hair but i cant).So as my birthday is this month i said let me treat myself to this brazilian,mongolian,peruvian(e remain egyptian ).So i called a friend who has been pestering me like forever ok come and sell me one.As she started reeling out £270,£230 virgin hair bla bla.I just said babes you know am a novice i just want to je small gbese on Oga's neck which one is the cheapest?She just started laughing ahn dami u cant change walahi. .Am like its not a bag now its weave.And no matter how you say i can use it for 100 yrs,knowing myself i will chuck after the second use.So which is the cheapest  |
| Family › Re: Help: Boyfriend & Girlfriend Fighting Over Intimacy. by damiso(f): 1:51pm On Jan 19, 2013*. Modified: 2:07pm On Jan 19, 2013 |
Of course when you are dating someone you guys exchange gifts.Birthdays,Vals(abed help me educate that my over calcu hubby who says its not a proper holiday .Na only flower,choc and card year in year out  ) and if i wanted extras cos my frienda had them na to psyche mummy and help her in the shop or with her coporate gifts for a commission.As was treated in one thread like that,we should teach our girls yes have your principles i commend said girl for choosing to abstain till marriage she and this bobo sef dont have common values.But pls dont beg men for stuff.I keep using the word beg cos thats what it is.Coporate begging. I have schooled myself to the level that even when i ask.hubby for non essential stuff and he sayd no its not necessary, i dont get upset.Its his money(i know thats not PC or romantic) and he should choose how well to spend it.As long as he discharges his responsiblities am.happy.The LV bag is my desire so i can buy it from my own money.P.S I am not saying husbands should not buy wives stuff o.My most expensive material possesions were actually gifts from hubby.He is one of those people who can buy 1coat and use for 7yrs at £400 while me i keep buying £80 every year in purple,green, But i wont measure his care on those stuff.Just to add teach our kids nothing is handed to you on a plate.I had been helping in my mums shop since i was like 12.When i traveled on holidays i would buy stuff to sell and i was always selling throughout my Uni days.My profit was then used for extras and my own clothes.I had serious Aristo girls always wanting to be my friend because of the way i dressed not knowing that all na film trick Me i kuku used to sell them stuff in short they were my best customers .I am talking girls who men bought cars for,got apartment for,took on holidays abroad and all those things that trip the typical naija girl.I could have been tempted to do their runs if me too i wanted car and first class things(jenifa )but i was content with what i had.ContentmentVery big word that needs to be taught to girls. |
| Family › Re: Help by damiso(f): 2:05am On Jan 19, 2013 |
joangirl: I swear I was abused,the day I was thrown out naked was the day I insisted on going home,he threw all my clothes in a bucket of water and pushed me out and locked the door cos I was crying.I had to steal a shirt from a neigbour railings and trecked home crying. And also any time I offendedAwwww e-hug.Though i commend you for not closing your eyes to obvious signs so as just to bear the MRS tag.It is well dear.The bone of your bone is out there.Move on and leave it all behind you.Most people have some sort of heartbreak story to tell.My ex-bf brought his sister and friend to my house to beg me after i said i was no longer interested.This begging no get part 2,he even had the effontery to tell my parents(thank God my dad no send you)that he wanted to pick a date to come with his people.My dad said my daughter must do masters before she marries so if you can wait(i was about to go for NYSC).He worked in a bank(marketing) and i hassled my dad,my mum everyone to deposit in his bank so he could meet his target.He even exceeded the target sef. You wont believe this guy had done introduction with his now wife like the week before he came to beg and tell my parents that nonsense.After i had even said am not doing again o.I accepted his pleas and found wedding iv samples in his car like 2 months after.I was heartbroken but you know what got me through.I felt compassion and pity for his wife to be(he kept saying she tricked him with pregnancy poor gal).How can the man you want to spend your life with be begging another girl and talking to her parents about marriage weeks before your wedding?Really i felt compassion for her and also thought to myself i deserve better. I did find someone waaaaaay better.So dont worry you def will. |
| Family › Re: Help: Boyfriend & Girlfriend Fighting Over Intimacy. by damiso(f): 12:46am On Jan 19, 2013*. Modified: 1:15am On Jan 19, 2013 |
As my yoruba people will say,what you will not eat dont put it near your nose. Its all well and good to practise abstinence but abeg a kept woman cannot afford to be picky.I hate beggars i.e.Buy me a blackberry,recharge card,brazilian hair.I guess its my upbringing but i really do not know how to beg a man to get me stuff.Even my hubby sef i just maybe say it in passing that i like something and he buys it as a suprise.I dont know how to ask people for stuff cos i could feel so slighted if they say No.So if i want something i buy it if i can afford it,if not i forget about it.Chikena.I am learning sef as i grow older that most of these things we women place premium add no value to you.Its just to keep up with the joneses.That designer bag that i cant even carry now cos i have to have another bag for baby things I know people who can beg from a corpse.Just say i like you next thing is buy me recharge card like how cheap can one be?If you cant afford brazilian must you fix brazilian?Has darling yaki or xpression finished in the market .I guess being content and able to stand by ones principles is very important for a woman.If she was not asking for stuff from the guy,he probably would not have anything to attack her on but the fact that he has physical needs that need to be met.My hubby said one of the things that really attracted him to me was how i was so embarassed and appalled when he asked me for my bank details when we first started dating.I came to London on holidays and was going back. He was in manchester at the time and so he was like do you have anybody's account i can pay in some money for you.I said why?He said cant i give you money.And am like erm No.We just started dating then and i felt why was this guy wanting to give me money.I felt sooo embarassed.I was such a Daddy girl and felt its insulting for a guy you just started seeing to be offering you money.Hubby jokes(as a former omo boy )that was the first time that had ever happened with a naija girl.He was like it would even be the girl that would say ehen se you know am going to Naija next week,wont you send me something |
| Family › Re: Why Do Parents Send Their Kids To Boarding Schools? by damiso(f): 6:32pm On Jan 18, 2013 |
I attended boarding school for one term in JSS1.Not just any boarding school,Airforce Girls Military School Jos.  .It was horrible.I was ill every other week.The cadets were mean and the seniors were just horrible bullies.My mum brought me back to Lagos after having to be flown down like 3 times in 2 months.My younger bro on the other hand loved it.But he was in SS1 though sha and it was a private school so i guess different experience.All the same the guy is a loner.Loves his own company too much(dont know if thats due to the boarding house). That said i would not want my kids in boarding schools but that does not mean boarding schools are totally not useful.Some kids from dysfunctional homes where there is chaos or no order might benefit from the routine of boarding house. |
| Family › Re: He Beat-up His Elder Sister For His Wife by damiso(f): 6:13pm On Jan 18, 2013 |
damiso: You know i entered someone's car in Nigeria and i saw a koboko.I asked the driver why do you have a koboko in the car and he was like its for lastma,okada,VIO and all the sundry maluus(cows) on lagos roads |
| Family › Re: He Beat-up His Elder Sister For His Wife by damiso(f): 6:09pm On Jan 18, 2013 |
chaircover: I hear you debrief and my apologies for saying you edited your post. I could have sworn that in your first post you said nothing about the man but obviously I was mistaken and I am sorry for that.You know i entered someone's car in Nigeria and i saw a koboko.I asked the driver why do you have a koboko in the car and he was like its for lastma,okada,VIO and all the sundry maluus(cows) on lagos roads  .I was like and your oga knows you use koboko on people?He was like yes ke.I was like Mr..... abeg when you are driving me around dont use koboko on another human being.Pls.O was truly horrified(i dont want to believe that you can flog lastma sha).Violence of any sort should be abhored.The man should have just ignored his sister.Silence they say is the best answer for a ..........Or better still call the husband to come and carry his property.Then later (not in front of the wife) tell her in clear terms that he did not like her conduct.As much as i tell my mum off on behalf of her sis in law,its not the sis in law prerogative to then insult or beat up my mum.As much as me and my siblings will say mummy you too crossed your boundary, i would not be happy for my uncle to flog her.I trust my family sha,their own drama na all mouth . 1 Like |
| Literature › Re: What's Your Favorite Novel Of All Time? by damiso(f): 3:55pm On Jan 18, 2013 |
All the Alex Cross series by James Patterson. |
| Family › Re: He Beat-up His Elder Sister For His Wife by damiso(f): 3:32pm On Jan 18, 2013 |
The man was wrong to beat up his sister.Elder sister?Even younger brother or sis?Koboko?Naaah family of weirdos. That said the elder sis was wrong to go confront the wife in her house.My mum is the eldest child in her family and more or less raised like 4 of her siblings.The last child and son is more or less like the elder bro i never had.Him and hubby are quite close in age and relate like friends though hubby still respects him as Ana. His wife and i are like age mates but the girl is a very me and my hubby type person.She is quite introverted and does not really do all those iyawo ile things that yorubas like.My mum is very traditional and even though sometimes she is trying to be caring to me its poke-nosing.I tell her this in clear terms and sometimes she gets upset with me.But am her first child and if dad is not here(God bless his soul) to tell her who will? First it was look at the time she got here for family gatherings,hen strolling in at 4pm.Am like mum you know she has a toddler and besides people you people got caterer so what do you want the girl to come and do for you now.Next its she does not bring her son to come visit,am like mum yaba to Ojodu is not near and you know they share one car.My mum is like me i like making excuses for people that the girl does not want family round my uncle.I tell her whats your busines,yes you raised him but he is a married man now.My hubby is like him(dead mum and elder sis being mother figure)and she does not stress me.My mum will be like ur SIL is oyinbo and am like mum am so disappointed in you.Stop behaving like an illiterate and leave the girl alone.She grumbles but listens to me. One day she called me and said this exact episode,that she heard my uncle was ill and his wife went out.Mum went on about how she had never invited any of his family over and how she told someone(gosh i hate hearsay)that my mum used to maltreat her hubby( so not true).My uncle had some health issues as a kid so they all sort of are really protective towards him.Mum was then like am going to their house to give her a piece of my mind.I was like mummy if she abuses and slaps you you deserve it.My mum was like ki lo wi. I was like yeah how can you go and confront someone in her house.Besides is your house biting you? Why must she invite you to her house?My mum was like what do i mean? Me i dont know how to talk .She dropped the phone.I called my younger sis and she told mum the same thing.She was like if you are disrespected you caused it.As you can imagine mum stayed in her house. .Today the girl and mum are on good terms.People should learn to respect boundaries. 1 Like |
| Family › Re: Divorce Settlement And Child-Support Be Introduced In Nigeria? by damiso(f): 4:51am On Jan 18, 2013 |
dayokanu: I see pregnant women going to work everyday, until their 10weeks maternity.Sorry(not an advocate for divorce settlement)but i have seen cases(firsthand) where the woman AGREED with prompting from the husband to cut back on working in other for at least one of them to be there for the kids.In the case of this couple based on all factors and if one had not slowed down,15 years down the line,the woman would have been at a higher point both in earning power and career ladder.But in this case,she was wise enought to still run a business which gave her more flexiblity to be able to work round the kids. I hate financial dependence on another human being(adults cos kids and to an extent have to depen on you and maybe aged parents),wife to hubby, hubby to wife but i think its unfair not to acknowledge that sometimes some women have to take a career break to care for very young kids.And this does not mean they did not have high flying careers or were high earners.Some just see that time of bonding with their kids as down time. That said it should be the couple's decision and if you(the woman)agree i dont think you should be expecting a huge payout in future.If we are able to afford me sitting or rather cutting down on work(cant sit at home full time will want to shoot myself) i will be getting the fairer end of the stick sef cos believe me its hard juggling full time work and being hards on parent.I remember my daughter saying Mummy can we read another book and deep down i just want to hit the sack cos i have a deadline to meet in the morning and if hubby is say working out of town,its honey tomorrow and that tomorrow never comes cos she for don sleep sef by the time i get home the next day. In as much as women should not see their husbands as meal tickets, if both parents pursue high flying ,time consuming(time being the operative factor) the kids MIGHT suffer. |
| Family › Re: House Help Matter. by damiso(f): 9:45am On Jan 15, 2013 |
When growing up(due to fact that we always had house helps and relatives living with us) i thought it was a given that me too when i marry i will have one.Luckily mum never made us depend on house helps and so made sure all thechores were divided between us and the househelps.I remember we used to grumble that sebi they get paid and we used to get knock or twisted ears and mum will say they too are somebodys children.In short by the time i was 12 mum stopped getting househelps cos we were doing more chores than the helps sef.Fast forward now i dont have one and i think.am doing fine without one.Maybe if i lived in Nigeria i would need help but would prob go down the route of what obtains with mum now which is a cleaning lady.Comes on saturday and does a proper spring clean for like 3 to 4 hrs.Gets paid,bye.During the week they clean up after themselves.They have washing machine and sometimes use the drycleaners for ironing. |
| Family › Re: Marrying For Comfort by damiso(f): 9:33am On Jan 15, 2013 |
Madam debrief nailed it.It cuts across genders ojere.My mum used to say she hates hearing what do you do?I am doing business.What business?Is businessa vague description that cant be defined?I sell baby clothes and sundry.I supply companies diesel and get a commission.I am an interior designer kapish.Not i do business Its not like am saying everyone must work 9-5 but pls vagueness is not an occupation.whick kain job description be that.I prefer i am a waiter studying at the moment than am doing business that has no name That said wanting to be comfortable(not necessarily wealthy)is not a crime.Just be prepared to work for and with your partner for it.Dependence totally on another human being is something we should strive to get rid of.Dont get me wrong you cant be married and not depend on your partner(i depend on hubby for some things and he does on me as well)but to see marrying as a get rich quick card or opportunity to a better life is just wrong.This is for both genders as i am not necessarily saying a woman cant marry who she earns more than.Its just find the one that complements you,shares your values and brings something other than just the title husband or wife to your life. 10 Likes |
| Family › Re: What Has Parenthood Changed About You? by damiso(f): 8:44am On Jan 15, 2013 |
Watching cartoons and actually enjoying it again after leaving them behind in my own childhood.Being more understanding and actually feeling parents with very young kids.I remember when i was single if i enter a plane and see a mother or family with young kids,i would roll my eyes in horror and think 'this is going to be a very long flight'.If possible i would swap seats.Now i know no first hand experience travelling with under 5 no be small thing  I know now i can function well on just 6 hrs sleep(or less when you have a grizly baby).As a single no one dared to mess with that my saturday sleep in.Now even when i pretend or say go to daddy jo i don wake be that. Financial responsiblity.Do i h need another beige bag?Or another colour block top when iv not worn the last one in ages.Bebe needs piano lessons and i really should be topping more into her CTF account. Funny enough learning that God blessing me is not just about me or even catering to just my own kids and family.This life is all about touching the lives of others in a positive way however we can.Having my own kids sort of was awakening in me to strive to do more for others.I look.at my daughter and think of a child her age having to worry about food or say not having shoes and i think that just cant be right. |
| Food › Re: Cook In Your Kitchen, Take Pictures And Post It Here. SIMPLE! by damiso(f): 3:34pm On Jan 14, 2013 |
shepherds pie about to go into the oven. and then out of the oven. 1 Like
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| Family › Re: Divorce Settlement And Child-Support Be Introduced In Nigeria? by damiso(f): 11:15am On Jan 14, 2013 |
agiboma: Not only should it be inplaced but women should also receive a settlement when they divorce the husband like most civilized countries where the assests are divided up 50/50.Erm not necessarily.It actually depends on who is richer.Maddona paid out to Guy Ritchie.If i was very wealthy before i met my wife/hubby i dont think its fair for assets to be split 50/50.Kids (if any)must be the priority in all this my opinion though. 1 Like |
| Family › Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by damiso(f): 10:38am On Jan 14, 2013*. Modified: 7:26pm On Nov 26, 2014 |
That is another pet peeve.Quitting your job just so you dont get to support your kids I get financial support is not the ONLY one way to support your kids BUT why do you hamper your own career chances so as just to be vindictive. Anyway most people who do that probably had no careers anyway .Or have multiple children from multiple women which in itself says what sort of person they are.An old friend my hubby went to School with in Nigeria did that.He quit his job and went on the dole saying he wonders where CSA would be coming out from.In the last couple of months Iain Duncan Smith moved him from income Support and Disability Living Allowance to Job Seekers allowance as he was assesed to be fit to work he he he he (one of the times i have whole heartedly agreed with this con-dem govt).Hubby was like he is seriously searching for a job now and serves him right.Lets see how he wont pay CSA now. Grown adults regardless of Gender once you decidd to.have kids have to take responsibility for the wellbeing of the kids till they become adults.Using them as weapons in your own marital issues is just wrong. I think in this case the man as at least done the right thing by choosing to financially support his kids.That said and has been said by so many other people he should love his kids despite his ex-wife.When you love(term is relative though) you choose to despite past wrongs.I still think he should try to have some sort of contact with his kids.The way OP painted its like he is sort resenting them for probably taking mums side.I have seen this first hand i.e my hubby relationship with his dad.The dad moved out and went to live with his younger wife and rarely asked after them.He paid sch fees did all he was meant to do but they all esp my SIL who is the only girl saw that it was more or less mum who did the leg work.Unfortunately their mum died when they were young after they moved back to Nigeria.So for a long time they kind of resented him for abandoning them (which he did )but as i used to say to hubby as both of them are dead we dont know what went on.You were like 6 and only heard mums side.It was up to Dad to make himself available despite having remarried. Thats why it like i keep banging on about the kids.In this picture they are the most important. 1 Like |
| Food › Re: Cook In Your Kitchen, Take Pictures And Post It Here. SIMPLE! by damiso(f): 10:23am On Jan 14, 2013 |
SniperInADiaper: Rice and peppers with mushrooms..Look nice and as far as i can see even ok for a vegeterian.I am guessing the mushrooms were fried in some sort of batter.How pls?Thank you. Veggies rule |
| Family › Re: Is It Risky To Mention Pregnancy As The Reason To Invite One's Mum Over To Uk by damiso(f): 11:01pm On Jan 13, 2013 |
adonai36: @Damiso, this is her first time in the UK, and i do not want anything to block her chances.Based on a case i heard from a friend of mine,her mum was refused and ONE(amongst others mainly financial) of the issues was that the ECO picked on the fact that the sponsor(my friend) was expecting and he did not feel the applicant has substantial ties to Nigeria.He mentioned that she was a possible over stayer. I dont want to say mention it or do not cos i still believe you would get better advice on the travel section. |
| Family › Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by damiso(f): 9:57pm On Jan 13, 2013 |
debrief08: I agree that if he had malicious intent he will stop paying child support and she will be the one to head to court and he will raise his own issues and complains as not being allowed to see the kids.Spot on.I read abi is it heard somewhere (dont get why i will be married and thinking of seperation though)that dont marry or have kids with someone who you think could become nasty in a seperation.Bush women who are nit confident in who they are as people and then get to america and say chai na law be this.So i can say he should jump and the law says how high  . I absolutely hate it when mature adults use lil kids as pawns in their own sick and egocentric games.I know its difficult to be civil in a divorce but fortunately or unfortunately when you have kids you are tied together for life.So think of the kids and just be civil. Its the same in Nigeria on the side of the men.My friends dad(prominent politcian)banned the mother from her God given role at her wedding and wanted his wife to be the mother of the bride.Trust some greedy kids who are waiting for inheritance and cos he was paying agreed.What kind of sick humiliation is that?I should sit at the back while another woman acts as my child mother when am alive.Tufiakwa.Me i sha know that i would have told my Dad where to stuff his money and his irritant trophy wife. |
| Family › Re: Is It Risky To Mention Pregnancy As The Reason To Invite One's Mum Over To Uk by damiso(f): 8:35pm On Jan 13, 2013 |
It depends on whether this is her first time of visiting the UK.If it is not there would have been a pattern to show that the applicant has been and gone back severally.This was what was applicable to my.mum as it waa just like any other visit.But i have heard from a couple of people that including coming to care for grandkids always arouses a suspicion of overstaying on the part of the BHC peeps Esp with the outrageous child care costs they often believe these parents could be tempted to stay back to help.Depending on your status though (not too sure)i think there is a dependant visa applicable to aged depedants over 60. I think travel section would be better suited for more varied responses. |
| Family › Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by damiso(f): 7:58am On Jan 13, 2013*. Modified: 7:27pm On Nov 26, 2014 |
What is it with this naija nurses in the us sef? D.Why not the doctors,pharmacists,lawyers,engineers always the nurses.just a jokeDivorce or seperation is already an upheaval in the life of a child without one or both parents employin under hand tactics.I dont get how one will start schoolinv your kids on what to say against daddy in court(if he truly was not an abuser).I dont get it.If God forbid me and hubby split today because of what we once shared and the fact that i respect him i would NEVER deny him access to his kids.I also know that would be taking the colour out of his life cos his kids make his world beautiful. Its not by force to stay married but if there are kids involved one should thread carefully. Just to add,I am a naija import. 3 Likes |
| Family › Re: Should I Stop Helping Anyone Living In Nigeria? by damiso(f): 6:38am On Jan 13, 2013 |
biolabee: @damisoYou know what i dont mind helping.Believe me in the past would have felt so ashamed to say i dont have(its not like i dont have 300 quid i could spare sef ).Its the principle behind how she asked.I can bet that if i bought all the stuff and sent them down and then asked for my money back she would then be like haba dami u be big gal no be ur pikin too?Hen so you will chasing me for common 75k(theu quickly convert it to naira).Even me in Naija sef i dash people 50k.Like seriously.And believe me this actually happened to me in the past.If she had said i gave my friend 200 pounds as i am nit really buoyant now will give you the 100 pounds when i can would have willingly told her not to worry.Knowing myself on how i go crazy when ordering baby stuff(which is why i have so much left from my own baby cos i then get gifts and they never end up wearing half) she probably would have gotten so much than her 200 quid.But its the tone that just got my back up.Am like this people want to turn bobo nice or baby nice in my case to ode lo n jebe(baby nice is a fool). My no 1 problem in the past(still learning to do itin person) is saying No.Haa my hubby used to be like gosh why must you be the one everyonr and i mean everyone dumps stuff on.Its me that goes go shoreditch to buy shoe and bag for aunty this, its me that does baby shopping for cousin tamedu(all with my own money o used to be shy to ask for money).I just had a voila moment one day that all this your 'help' is rubbish.Most of the tine this people dont need all this stuff.They just think oh she is in the Uk she can spare it.I dont need to brag about the useful help i render to even people i dong know(cos some people keep alluding to people not wanting to help).But iv just realised that all this stupid vain buying stuff is not helping people curb their greed or should i say sense of entitlement. I would rather help to forge a life or even give to a charity than keep spending money to buy stuff for people who can afford it. |
| Family › Re: What Is The Best Way To Tell them about deodorants? by damiso(f): 1:39am On Jan 13, 2013 |
nwando: Obviously they don't know and someone needs to help them by telling themThe reason i asked is cos believe i know when i think my smell is not right.Maybe cos my nose or rather sense of smell is hypersensitive Hubby is always joking that am always saying 'can you smell something funny'.I dont think since i hit puberty and mum bought my first persiprant i have ever gone out without using one and i mean it.Its as natural as brushing my teeth or taking a shower.When its that time of the month my nose is pickin smells that hubby keeps saying is non existent.Its that bad that i smell other people when its that time.So cos am paranoid that i can smell it on others meand they do can smell it on me so i am OTT.shower every min.change down there every 1 to 2hrs(am old school dont use tampons never gotten the hang of it) use feminax spray like its going out of fashion and i keep sniffing.Its almost like an obsession cos BO is one of my pet peeves. Maybe thats why i find it difficult to believe that people dont know they have body odour.I guess maybe they are used to it. |
| Family › Re: What Is The Best Way To Tell them about deodorants? by damiso(f): 6:47pm On Jan 12, 2013 |
My own question is so people who smell dont know that they do? Its a difficult thing but its easier if they are younger and look up to you.My mum told 2 of her shop girls.And bought them deodorant.I guess cos she is older they knew it was more like an admonishment and so did not take it personal. |
| Family › Re: It Takes A Village To Raise A Child-another Cosmopolitan Patrent's Challenge by damiso(f): 3:05pm On Jan 12, 2013 |
Mother and toddler groups are groups often run by the local authority through a scheme called sure start in England and wales.It is sometimes run by health visitors and is a place where mums with.young children can interact with other mums esp while on mat leave or prob taking a career break or even being a stay at home.Raising a young baby and toddler can be quite lonely sometimes some women have partners who work long hrs and some are even single mums.So the adult interaction while the kids play in soft play areas in some mums only form of social interaction.You have things like exercise classes,yoga,coffee mornings,baby massage,rhyme time,reading etc and so many other activuties. Mine is actually not run by the local authority.Its run by my friend and she is a lay worker in the methodist church.So mine is a faith based kinda group(we try not to be judgemental and holier than thou so we dont scare off some mums who need support).I help her in alot of the activities and its really good.We struggle with funding but God has been faithful.We do zumba classes,coffee mornings,baby massage,buggy walks,movie afternoons,bible study,we run a toy and book library,we have lawyers who volunteer like one a day a week to run.a legal.drop in clinic(this con den govt keeps slashing legal aid),meal planning,money mngt in short a whole range of activities.We also run a drop in for teenagers who get pregnant and work with a kids charity called Kids Co. I used to think paid work and money was the only thing that could fulfil you but meeen i feel so fulfilled since starting out working with her and even want to do more.I have to continue cos it fills my heart with joy with the diff it makes in the life of so many people.I wish my own church was more interested but that one na long story.Anyways its sort of village for some people and for me as well.We have a group on FB and whatsapp. |
| Family › Re: Does Your Spouse Know Your Total Salary Package! by damiso(f): 5:00pm On Jan 11, 2013 |
festusf: Not all women is good to disclose ur salary to becos some are bad.So why marry a bad woman ?Yeah he does and i know what his package is too?Including all employee benefits and bonuses cos we have to be covered i.e he is the beneficiary of my final salary pension scheme and I his.Not necessarily an emotional or lovey dovey issue.But from a more practical financial aspect.As CC said how can we know what we can or cant afford.How do we plan?How do we invest and save for the future?Though he does not compel me to disclose all but He has really taught me financial discpline.I was really a spendthrift. |
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