₦airaland Forum

Our fairy god mothers one other question.I personally believe travelling and discovering new places cultures and people is a part of education(if one can afford it).I know its too early for my kids but just want your opinions in the issue.I have an older friend whose kids are teenagers and she is of the school of thought that kids learn more on school trips.Her kids go on most school trips and an talking verrrry expensive ones, florida, most of europe some costing as much as £1500 a trip.She would rather fork out on that and they go for cheaper continental budget holidays or Nigeria as a family.My SIL on the other hand hates school trips.She prefers they all go for the more expensive family hols together.Her rationale is she is better equipped to take care of her son than the school while on holiday besides why should holidays be part of school again?I can see both their points but wanted your take on the issue as i am sure you have been there done that.Me i still have pre schoolers so guess it does not apply for now

naijababe: My sister, the frustration of no ahem ahem makes it ten times worse and it was fecking -2 deg last night too . I no know who send me message o

Sorry .You are the lucky one leavin the darn cold for christmas.I think we should shift family hols from summer to winter men.I just cant seem to get used to it.I guess thats why british peeps go to OTT with christmas.Its something to take their mind off the absolutely dreary and depressin weather.Again well done on being able to ignore the whining.I need lessons.I cant get how hubby seems to do the bathing and dressin in 15 mins sharp.Tbh i dont think they are clean enough .My bebe now wants to do it all on her own mummy dont help me.I want to do it myself.

Loving this......... naijababe i am sure you miss naijaman ten times more when dealing with the kids apart from ahem ahem .Whenever hubby travels i sometimes feel like screaming when i have to deal with my daughter on my own.Haa i really wish to be diplomatic but really tantrums on flimsy things like bathing brushing teeth applyin lotion etc gets me grinding my teeth.Well done.

@cotton yeah read that as well and wanted to see if i could get a discount at my daughters nursery but they said i had to wait till she was three and a half.I guess that does not come into play now anyway as she is goin to 'big' school as she calls it.I guess she cant comprehend that its still nursery as she will be wearing uniform lol.
As u said efemena was really fairy god mother.Even CC sef.You know i used to be like yeah extra curricular activities are ok but why are people running round like headless chickens.But i now its a sacrifice one has to make cos i guess being a parent sometimes is about sacrifices.Its my brazilian,peruvian,cambodian or all other nationalities weave plus mulberry bag that might have to go .Majorca for dubai and camry for BMW
@tgirl will check out the thread.

Thanks again efemena.Loads of heads up,thank you all so much.Decided to accept the offer at the catholic pry sch will be taking her in for stay and play and meeting with the head teacher next wednesday.From all i can gather it seems there is alot of work to be done on our part too so na to brace myself.At the mo have small spare time so its to utilise it to the fullest.Thats why when me and hubby say we cant afford anymore(God willing as far as i know IUS is 98% effective) people think its just money ;.Its the time effort and encouragement sef that is even harder.I will definitely be exploring all the 'secrets' leaked on the thread lol.Money even saved sef from her startin at this catholic sch sef can even go towards the pot for the indepedent sch thing.Will hand in her notice at nur today when i go to pick her up even though we still have to pay for the full month.Everyone i have told cant believe she got a space as we are not catholic and once ur not 3 by aug 31st u miss out till next year.It really is Gods favour.Her start date is in January.My baby is excited as she can now wear 'niniform' like her cousins lol.May God make all our hearts desires for our kids come to pass ijn.

As an aside dont u think its so annoying the way these private nurseries charge high rates and are 'supposed' to be early years foundation stage providers and kids never seem to do much academics.I know they learn social skills bla bla but haba counting and phonics for like a 2 and a half yr old.I practically taught my daughter numbers and alphabet/ phonics myself.I brought it up one time and the oyinbo nur manager looked at me like one pushy parent .She was like she is only two mum.Maybe am just being Nigerian but pouring sand lego and nursery rhymes is not enough for a 3 yr old lol.To be fair they seem to concentrate more on the artistic side and can begin to see my daughter's artistic flair always coming home with paintings etc.Anyways as it has been said on this thread learning does not end in school.Nursery to be fair also has made my daughter very very confident and people keep asking are you sure she just clocked 3 in sept.

As an aside dont u think its so annoying the way these private nurseries charge high rates and are 'supposed' to be early years foundation stage providers and kids never seem to do much academics.I know they learn social skills bla bla but haba counting and phonics for like a 2 and a half yr old.I practically taught my daughter numbers and alphabet/ phonics myself.I brought it up one time and the oyinbo nur manager looked at me like one pushy parent .She was like she is only two mum.Maybe am just being Nigerian but pouring sand lego and nursery rhymes is not enough for a 3 yr old lol.To be fair they seem to concentrate more on the artistic side and can begin to see my daughter's artistic flair always coming home with paintings etc.Anyways as it has been said on this threas learning does not end in school.Nursery to be fair also has made my daughter very vey confident and people keep asking are you sure she just clocked 3 in sept.

Thank you so much efemena for your input.All these insights are really helpful and i am going to take all this onboard.The local council thankfully(if con dems no cut) still have some really good local activities that cost fairly reasonable amounts.She already does swimming and looking to start lil oga from january.He will be 10 months then.The drama and music one is also startin in january.Its good to rub minds with those who have been there done done that so will def start keeping all those cert.Already have a folder for madam prized artwork and medals .As you said Kent is where we are lookin to actually as we have family there and also researched into the no of grammar schools in the county.I used to look at my sis in law then driving like a mini cab driver from swimming to karate, from karate to kumon from kumon to football from football to piano and she used to say your turn is coming lol.Raising kids aint no childs play.Abeg hubby increase your money o me i dont think am strong like all these women here to work fulltime and do minicab as well.

Good night.let me get some sleep before my night vigil.It really is well.

abi o.Ivy league marrying each other .Yes o Kumon is quite good my sis in law son has that as well and its just like 100 pounds a month.So not that bad.Thread is really giving me the ideas on all the options and avenues one can take esp looking at financial aspect of it

Mrs. Siena:
Thanks dearie. Even though sometimes Mr. Siena's way is a bit crude but they deserve it you cant imagine someone working on your car and only to be told afterwards that you are skint or you dont want to go ahead with repairing the car after telling them what is wrong with the car. Funny enough such people wont try such tricks on a white man cos they feel oh since we are all nigerians its all good. Lots of people do that to me too even in my business I do get that a lot too time wasters

I think its in the Nigerian genes to try to always look for a wiggle out of paying bills or rather so as not to generalise some people just feel esp a fellow nigerian is just overcharging.My hubby too has no patience for some of those behaviours.Every one says that ur hubby na real britico and i always have to wink, pinch or sometimes outright beg before we leave home lol.The man does not have all those naija esp yoruba diplomacy.He says as it is or for my sake now sometimes just keeps quiet.Later at home he says you see why i dont like over famililiarity with some of your naija people lol.Like he is not nigerian

Thanks cotton ur a sweetheart.Like you knew my career change plans.In the last two years been seriously thinking of packin in all this my proffessional certificates and goin down the human engagement route.Right from when i was lil everyone said i have that skill and even use it in my present role.One of the options i thought of was teaching or child psycology.I teach in sunday school at church and have some teenagers am mentoring at the moment.I also started volunteering at a local charity working with people looking to get back into employment for like 2 hrs a week ( just started this like 3 months ago since i was still on mat leave).So its like this redundancy thing is kind of like God telling me girl follow your passion and if i can get discount for my childrens education,bonus .So thanks again.All things really work together for the good of those that love God.

Mrs. Siena:
Same here I hear that all the time and I keep telling them I love him the way he is and it doesnt change the fact that we are christians besides God searches the intents of a mans heart and not the church he attends as long as we all go to heaven at the end of the day.

That is simply the most important thing.I wonder why we christians dont realise we are his church and stop all this my church is better than your church.By the way Mrs Siena luv those your coloured blazers the pink one to be exact.You sure are a good advertisment for your business.Cant wait to read your family next instalment.I see so much of my family in yours and my husband would have done the exact same thing to tobias lol.Mr Siena nd hubby have so many similarities.[center][/center]

@cotton yeah remember it was you o.Sorry about your princess its been goin round haf to keep my daughter home from nursery two weeks ago and now my baby has the nasty bug.Boy that has started sleeping thru now wakes like 5 times at night.What if i had gone back to work .

Abi o see how morning sickness is making world news lol.Not that i dont sympathise but abegi my friend who by the way had to drag herself to work is finding it hard to want to have another child due to what she suffered.Me sef nko with my son dont let me derail the thread.

We really really have to look at all options and my priority as CC already said is the good all round educational experience.All options need finances jare as even moving to good area sef is money because havent you noticed that the better the state schools the more expensive real estate is?Thanks for the heads up on bursaries cotton if you can find the link its worth looking into.This redundancy thing is just sand sand but fingers crossed i get the enhanced severance pay i am gunning for if redeployment does not work.I am actually enjoying the time with my kids with my daughter i was already back at work.Might be worth taking the less hectic career route jare.Let oga work his socks off jare make i dey tutor and monitor for scholarship and grammar sch lol.Abi one person has to be there and he makes more money before.Thanks for all the insights.

Thank you CC for the fast response.I so understand the well rounded child thing and lil madam is already startin dance and drama school as even at her young age you can see she is the creative type.Always role playing,wanting to make stuff and fiercely if annoyingly independent .So looking to develop all areas and not just academics.Daddy is typical african man and concentrates more on the pure academic skills but thank God i am there to temper his views.We are definitely looking at the grammar sch route and also out if london.Me am even tired of this london bustle seriously counting down till we move out.23 a class is still ok as the catholic sch she got a place at is 28 a class with two TAs depending if there are any special needs kids.I heard that is good for london.May God make our plans come to light cos it seems moving out is one of the best things to do.

I commented on a thread where someone said she would be starting a thread for this and this was a while so decided to bite the bullet myself. .Sorry if the thread is so uk centric or british education based.And also for mentioning names its just i garnered from their posts that they have been there done that.

My daughter is 3 and some months and we very fortunately this week got her into a full time nursery place at a catholic primary schl in our area.I was so happy as i really wanted her to get into this school as a back upl.Its rated outstanding by ofsted and i have had quite good responses from some parents whose kids went there.I have also had some not quite so good reviews from some people.I have done quite alot of research on reading numeracy standards at 11 and there are quite good for a london state school.We were thinking of going the independent school route and maybe grammar sch at secondary level(working towards moving out of london in the next 3 to 4 yrs).But about to be made redudant at work still in consultation at the mo but preparing my mind for the worst so thinking of finances.My pt business is still in infancy and at the mo hubby wages alone cant pay for private sch and every other living expenses, savings investements etc.Dont want to insist on private sch and then we start sufferin just so we can pay fees.I have heard ofsted is not the be all and so dont always make decisions on ofsted ratings.I dont know how else cos i think parents might have subjective views though majority views sometimes paint a good picture.Already penned down another C of E school rated outstanding but with loads of complaints from like 4 out of 7 parents i have spoken to and am sure she might get into that as well as her dad worships at the sch and got glowing recomendations from the vicar. We are already putting the work in from home as i also believe parent have some work to do in a kids education.Its good timing as well so we can also save on private nursery though to be honest thats why we wanted to go down the indepedent sch route as it really would be about what we pay at the mo take a few hundred pounds per term against monthly nur fees.Pls i would appreciate ur experiences and what other things to look for.thank you.

On a lighter note and carrying on from the reality show thread where naijababe baby fondly refers to mummy's oyan as oyant let us share words that our young kids have used that crack us up.My daughter for some odd reason used to call milk 'yuk'.It took even me sometime to understand what that meant.One that also cracked us up so much was once when her dad asked her what mum was doin she replied 'mum is watching dan dan dan dan dan' for those in the Uk thats the theme song from eastenders as she could not say mummy is watchin eastenders.P square's chop my money is chuck my mummy.Mummy's
church is hallelluyah amen so if she wants to ask what church we r goin its mummy are we going to halleluyah amen? Ahh Bless their cute lil souls.Share some of yours.

Lovin this.I can feel naijababe on the crying for bath thing.Its so annoying.I have bebe and bobo.My bebe is 3 and 2 months and cries for bathin, brushin her teeth,washing her hair etc.I really miss hubby when i have deal with her on my own.As i speak he is taking out her corn row plaits with peppa pig on tv and no drama.If it was me .The girl really makes me feel bad asits obvious to even the blind that she prefers daddy to me.Its like bebe is daddys and bobo is mummy.Opposites do attract.

@kobojunkie i am not saying there is a distinction,if you read my post you would see i was saying respect and honouring(they can be called synonyms in some contexts) might not necessarily mean always agreeing with them.Simply put i might respect and hold someone in high esteem but not necessarily always agree with them.I asked the question cos i was pondering on what honour and respect meant to different people.

Wow.front page.Been busy all day so not been on NL.Interesting debate on the diffs between honour and respect.I am not too sure there is a distinction when it comes to our parents or elderly people esp in our culture cos i think you can respect their opinion but not necessarily agree.No?As i said earlier if i can truly afford to buy and mantain an RR sport would buy it for her but you know how it is when ur starting ur own family.I think its also a lil worse when ur abroad.I had to let go of alot of pressure as i grew older by putting my foot down on some certain things.As my hubby says this same people u are killing urself for will be the ones to start pointing at the 10 houses they built.I dont know why we as a people(people generally sha i know south asians too are like that) like to use children to measure success.I am sowing into my kids not just cos i want them to take care of me when amold but also to not have a burden on both society and myself in old age.Honour to me is not just money and substance as someone alluded to is not just material.

I can so relate to the Mrs Siena sometimes brewing internally but as Mr Siena said its one of those things.Oga is staunch anglican so goes to Church of England while i attend RCCG as well.He is ok with me worshiping where i feel spiritually intune as did not feel so so intune when i tried worshipping at C of E.Oga no like naija churches but is very civil and friendly to the pastors when they keep trying to get him to come worship in our church.I don tire to dey tell them to stop trying to convert him.I sometimes feel they are insinuating that am somewhat not 'spiritual' enough by being comfortable with the arrangement.I wish we could all go the same church but i think to myself is my man Godly?Does his life bear the fruits of our Lord jesus christ?I am convinced that it does so i guess thats the most important thing.Me sef wey i dey talk was i not born into a staunch muslim family and converted? So whom am i to say one church is better than the other? Lovely concept by the way looking forward to read more.

I agree at not necessarily the too clever to have kids but at the not everyone is cut out for having kids.Our culture seems to think that maternal sacrificing all for your kids is inborn to every woman.IMO not everyone is cut out for that.Even those that have kids sef our culture looks at you weirdly if you say i want one or two.Everyone keeps winking or smiling smugly when i and hubby emphatically state we dont want anymore kids.We have two. I hear things like 3 is ok, are u scared, God will provide,if you can afford 2 you can afford 3, God said go forth and multiply .All this from supposedly educated people.I tell them i cant take on mote and this is not just financially which is also a factor cos giving them what i consider the best takes money,time, effort, mental exertion,psycological encouragement etc.Me and hubby cant afford all that for more than two and some cant for even one.All in all mistakes happen and contraception still has 1% failure rate .

@jidegirl.i respect my parents.My dad is no longer with us died in his fifties and i really miss him alot and wish he were here to tell off some people.I can boldly search assert that i would want my kids to hold me the way i hold my mum when i am older.If get that i will know have done a good job by His grace.My mum is understanding but Her family are the ones who keep making some very annoying statements both to her and some to my face.One who lives here asked me point blank when was i building my mum house in her home town.I told i cant afford that yet and the woman said to my mum that am just lying.That i work my hubby works and the govt pays us money.That even people on benefits have built houses for their parents.I was like dumbfounded.I was so furious.My mum was calming me down h was saying she understands and that she tells them am really trying.The general concensus if they cant see the new car or house is am not taking care of my mother.The purpose of this thread is to find out what honouring, respecting or takinh care of elderly ones means to diff people.Pls note am not making excuses for people who neglect their parents who are genuinely in want and then spend millions on burial.I cant stand those.Am asking cos i raised my kids in old age is the only care i should expect to be measured in material terms only?

Just thought to add my mum runs her own business.My siblings are working and the lasy child is serving i e nysc.I buy my mum ticket everytime she visits me which is like once or twice a year.This same family i have to dole out hundreds of pounds in gifts when she is going back which really riles my husband.My mum is from a everybody in your business kind of family.I do think sometimes my mum needs to be a lil more firm in laying boundaries and i have sort of started laying them down as the first child.She thinks we need to as a matter of obligation do stuff for other family members eg aunties uncles cousins etc.eg Aunty tamedu daughter is getting married., you guys must contribute money buy aso ebi buy souvrnirs etc.I started putting my foot down on all these year as i told her mum i have a family now, my kids and husband come first and my finances are suffering with all this unnecessary baggage you put on me.I am the first child and grandchild.Sorry my posts are long.just need to vent.Hubby is not a good one to vent to in this case as he does not get it.His family is very nuclear and they dont do all those extended family stuff.

I was thinking of this recently and i just thought to have a feel of what others thought.You see in our culture we have this concept of honouring meaning taking care of.
Dont get me wrong we should take care of our parents but i believe taking care of is not only in the material sense and it saddens me when i see parents make very unreasonable demands on their kids who are raising families.

Believe i have seen fathers says buy me this car or build me this house i trained you to be who you are.Fine i can buy my mum a car no big deal BUT i think the issue i have is when people measure taking care of your parents in monetary terms only.

My mum is a widow in her early sixties and i love her to bits.I know one issue she has is companionship and me and my siblings try not o make her feel lonely.

She was with me for 3 months this yr and i call like clockwork like 3 times a week.I I can tell you those calls to gist is worth more than money to her.You hear oko mi i knew it was you been expecting your call.

My life is hectic with kids under 5 to look after work business on the side hubby and some other interests but that hr or 30 mins 3 times a week is a must.I think am honouring her as the good books instruct us to but some annoying people in her family keep saying things like when r u buying ur mum her jeep.

Lagbaja daughter just sent her american spec prado jeep.I take care of her monetarily as well but just starting a family and so might not be able to afford big gifts like houses or cars yet.

So what do u all think honouring our parents in old age is?

Thank God OP has decided to take her child away from the so called creche.takes me to the time when my own mother bless her heart was looking for all this local agbole child minders for me as she put it'eniyan o le ko ere oko dele' for the non yoruba speakers you will not bring the profit of abroad home with what your paying on childcare.I politely told her as long as me and hubby were not complaining or asking her for money i will not take my child to a nollywood watching ,health and safety deficient ,child safety clueless, educationally challenged child minder just so i can buy jeep in Lagos.These children are kids for such a short time and costs aside cos the prices for some of these mushroom creche are actually outrageous, childcare is one of the most important decisions to take esp for under 5.You should have seen my folder when i was going back to work after my daughter was born.It was like a military mission.Once my gut said no i never looked back and even though very pricey i thank God for the child care provider i settled on.I could actually focus on work when at work cos i knew my child by the grace of God would be fine.

@debo pls abeg we need to have childcare co operative so nld discounts like buy1get1free for ppl like us with two under 5s would apply.Seriously though the childcare thing is what has made some people stay at home mum cos kini point.If i pay childcare and my travel cos i commute quite a distance am left with zero nada zilch.The other downside is getting back into the workforce after taking 5 years is getting increasingly harder.That is why a couple need to work together to achieve a common goal.

Before i started living in the west i had this erroneous impression that western men were the best husbands .romantic caring helpful etc.fa fa fa foul.People are people full stop.We all have challenges its just the diff enviroments that react to it differently.I watched a documentary recently and there was a poll that said women sort of resent their men cos they now have to work and oftetimes still have to do lion share of domestic chores.Western women face the same challenges of gender roles being merged.So pls women taking care of the home is not peculiar to one culture or people

kunzel: God bless you. The husband is not ment to do the house chores except he feels like. The woman is the owner of the home, and she determines how her home will be. The man can always appreciate the wife, let her know her efforts are not in vain and also commend her meals. All these silly western culture will not work here, we are Africans, that's our identity and we should not lose that.

[quote Point of correction.western culture evolved.Ever heard the term stepford wives.I dont know why people think women taking care of the home is exclusive to one culture.World over women stayed home and men went out to provide.Dare i say african women even embraced the western ideal of woman at home men at work cos in my culture before chritianity we had women who were market leaders worked at the farm etc

As so many people have said what works for couple A might not work for couple B.If you are able to hire helps to lessen the burden so be it each to his own.There arr no hard fast rules about this thing.Op was just alluding to the fact that if both partners work outside the home the trend is younger men think it only logical to do chores as well.In my opinion trend is more in the west where families are more nuclear.Its just trying to make the running of the home go smoothly.Eg before i started my mat leave my husband dropped my daughter at nur cos he could go to work later and i pick cos i had the option of goin in early and leaving early.My daughter would often just be waking up when am leavin so he would bath her feed her breakfast while the evening before i would have laid out her clothes as i dont want my child wearing shorts in winter lol he is hopeless at that.Would it then make sense to wake an 18 month old up at 6 am cos God forbid a man take care of his own child.Or cos a man must provide and my hubby did not give the money, on my way back i dont pick up bread and pint of milk from tesco? Its our home,we build it together.There are no hard fast rules to this thing.All things should be done with love and mutual respect

@cotton the thing dey fear me o.my daughter pays £45 a day and so with my son who is under 1which should be £50 but get a discount making it £90 a day for them both.i dont think we can afford for me to work
Unfortunately i am one of those who cant stay home full time or i might run crazy.No help from the govt either as i am part of a couple who earn above the threshold
£1800 a month on childcare for a four week month is no joke
.seriously thinking of goin part time till lil oga goes to reception and hubby dropping hrs cos whats the point.j

The way i know i or should i say we myself and the kids come first in his life.His dreams aspirations hopes all revolve around making our life better and not any macho power machiavelli influence thing.Call him unambitious i dont care but my hubby first and main purpose of making money is to give us and our kids a better life.He is unconventional in the african way as he does not even bother to keep up with the joneses and i can say with all honesty that i have really learnt from him in that regard.We do the wierdest things together i.e watching crime and investigation with him saying he can get away with the crime and me saying that if i was the detective i would catch him and arguing for like an hr on clues lol.The ability to just be who i am without having to pretend to be perfect at all things eg i am hopeless at making eba amala etc so he just makes them, the thing used to shock my mum when she came to stay but before she left she sef agreed his was better than hers sef .He is onpoint with gifts .In short we complement each other.where i lack he steps up where he does i do.its not all been a bed of roses but am happy to say that we have and are still growin together.