₦airaland Forum

biolabee: Some of the people that do this, the kids are university age

A friends uncle (big banker boy) has hos family in canada wiht the wife
So its not about grandmother looking after the kids

what i want is practical points

Mr X has money and can relocate his family
he wants a better life for his kid and can afford it
Does it mean he does not love his wife as some people are making it sound

I dont think thats the age group or sub set the article was talking about.Of course i know loads of people doing what you described.I have an aunty who was quite comfortable in Nigeria and they moved here when the kids were in their mid teens for education.Her husband has a thriving business back in Nigeria so they both shuttle back and forth.

I personally will go back to Nigeria with my hubby if he gets a good job and look for something to do there as well.Is it not people that live in Nigeria?Did i not grow up in Nigeria?I dont want want to be a married single mother.Wo lets leave all the razzmataz,you can have a bright future in Nigeria too ojare .Me am ruth abokoku. .



I do know couples have to live apart sometimes,it cant be helped sometimes.But if it can be helped i dont think it should be for very very long periods.Long distance in any sort of relationship is alot of hardwork.Possible but hardwork.And i have done it before so maybe thats why am not too keen.

jidegirl12: Those people in your examples are older generation, agreed there are useful methods to adopt from older generations and some to scrap for good. Times have changed and that's why new generations do most things differently. Mind you different strokes .

I understand @ biola your uncle and the other example pointed out in your post but sincerely do you really know what goes behind closed doors and what their struggles as a result of that way of life?

Solo Hunting for uncertain greener pastures & securing a better future for your kids in white mans land on the brink of losing the love of your life and eventually your happiness( with these mean daughter in laws esp if you have a son) hummmm is it worth it ?

Besides(i know i might get attacked)why do people want to burden child rearing on aged grandparents?Have they not already gone through the hassles of parenting once before? Yes,grandparents help out but IMO( i clarify MY OPINION)except for some reasons i.e death,illnesses or unforeseen circumstances i think Parents should do the heavy lifting while grandparents help out occassionally as we all need a break.Most times in the west,its cheap childcare.I know if my dad was alive,lai lai he will not agree,get an au pair or whatever my wife is not a nanny.

I get it all the time,tell your mum to come and stay now this nur fees you are paying are ridiculous ehn at least you can save more that way.My answer is thank you but no thank you even though Daddy is no more,my mum has a life apart from being my nanny.My mum has raised her own kids let me raise mine

debrief08: There is a difference between sharing and begging.
I encourage my son to share oh and also to accept shared items from friends.
One of his best friends lives in an orphanage and he goes for play dates and sleep overs. Now they tell me my son eats a lot there while at home he struggles to eat and finish his meal but when he goes to see his friend he eats and asks for more am sure because he sees other kids eating.
Let us be honest as mothers kids prefer to eat out than eat at home, you can give them swiss chocolate but it is the 10naira sweet their friends eat that will sweet them pass.
I agree that the begging and expectation factor here can be something else but I also see people in so much lack all around while we wind up our windows so we wouldn't deal with the rot in our society.
I understand the greed people talk about and I actually prefer to give when you don't ask me like the cashiers in shops and attendants at parking lots, but I try to give and I am not to proud to receive.
We are all in this boat together and we have to open our minds, life is beyond us and our families, if this country sinks we sink together.
Apart from picking local charities to support we also try to support kids in schools and my husband has a weak spot for widows even though some of them can lie sha. But along the way we learn how to screen and smoke out the lies.
He has mentored a lot of them in growing their small businesses.

Let's look beyond the greedy ones and identify the real people in need and see how we can help.
We are not rich, we barely manage sometimes but we deny ourselves some luxuries our "mates" have so we can share with others.
I am happy I married someone who feels strongly as I do about sharing.
Truth is sometimes I wonder how we get so comfortable riding the worlds flashiest cars and gadgets in the midst of so much lack in our society.
We tell ourselves we have earned it and so should enjoy these things but I always remember the words of God "whatsoever you do to the least of my brethren you do to me"
And "He who gives to the Poor lends to the Lord"
I have watched so many people die and at that moment, their cars and jewleries and all the things we seem so crazy about are a distant memory.
The gap between the rich and dirt poor is scandalous and we term success as money, cars, phones and houses, yet some go to bed hungry and barely have clothes to cover their unclothedness in the same society where private jets are now the latest gadgets

Very spot on.+100 likes.

I am an advocate of when you realise someone is in NEED(and oftentimes those in need sometimes rarely ask),step in a gracious way so they dont feel worse than they are already feeling.Yeah as some people alluded to its not up to you to decide what is a need and what is a want BUT i do know that an Ipad is most def not a need.I do know that someone in the hospital who might have used up all his life savings for treatment is in Need.You dont even need the big show of letting him know,just pay part of the bill as discreetly as possible.

Mine was chewing ice cubes even at -10 degrees.My mum was like you will give this baby cold o with the way you keep chewing ice cubes but i could not help it.I also could not eat stew soup or anything oily so if i eat rice it must be dry,i even ate eba without soup.I also could not eat any food i cooked so my husband turned to take away king and several friends used to come and drop food(just made me remember a friend going through same,gosh am so insensitive really really need to go drop something for her this week i have no excuse ).Or when my colleagues would bring in McDonalds into the office and i would start gagging(even actually threw up a few times cos my desk is a long way from the toilets.i was also less than 12 weeks so had not said anything).Me and Mcdonalds hate each other in pregnancy even passing in front of one made me feel sick.

Of course kids have to learn how to share.My daughter still got punished yesterday for refusing to share her toys with a friends kids who came over( to be fair to her they were slightly older boys who wanted to break her dolls head).As lil as she is when u say its what to share?she says its kind/ nice to share.Her school is a faith sch and they encourage it too.Vals was more about being kind to others.

Maybe my interpretation of OP post is diff BUT in as much i will teach my kids to be a giver(i am a giver at heart) i will teach them not to expect favours cos they gave.Still live within your means.I know people who help so that in the future they can Lord it over you and say i made you who you are today so where is the Car of appreciation(not advocating for ungratefulness either).Just give and let go.And be content with what you have.

I dont get why some people must turn this into a location based argument .Its not about where you live.Heck someone who lives in Lagos might be taking advantage of the kindness of one who lives in Abuja simply because he believes the other is doing better.Or vice versa.

Each to his own sha My last word on this is, May we all learn to live within our means while we aspire,pray and work hard to be better.

davidylan: This thread is an agglomeration of people who are simply here by accident of birth. If anyone of us were to be unfortunate to have been born dirt poor in nigeria i wonder if your tone here would be different. People beg in nigeria simply because it is a country where more than 70% live on less than $1 a day... that is a country where more than 75% are living in sheer poverty. Sometimes people beg, not because it is an ingrained culture but because they HAVE to do so to survive. When i was growing up, there were times when my folks were so hard up it was painful to watch my proud mother have to ask people beneath her for some extra cash to tide her young kids through. Did she want to? No... but sometimes condition forces you to do things you would never wish to. thank God for mercies, grace and hardwork... you look back on days like that and you cannot but say thank you to everyone who was kind enough to spare a little change here and there to keep us going until the good times smiled on us again.

Feel free to say no and be principled about it... i do all the time. Coming online to laugh at the unfortunate circumstance of others is not fair.

Lets be honest, many here are financially not much better than the people they sneer at. It is easier to survive here because there are government benefits to lean on in hard times, there are credit cards to tide you over until the next month, food is dirt cheap... i try not to laugh at those who beg today... who knows, you might just be the one needing their help tomorrow. As they say, no condition is permanent.

davidylan: This thread is an agglomeration of people who are simply here by accident of birth. If anyone of us were to be unfortunate to have been born dirt poor in nigeria i wonder if your tone here would be different. People beg in nigeria simply because it is a country where more than 70% live on less than $1 a day... that is a country where more than 75% are living in sheer poverty. Sometimes people beg, not because it is an ingrained culture but because they HAVE to do so to survive. When i was growing up, there were times when my folks were so hard up it was painful to watch my proud mother have to ask people beneath her for some extra cash to tide her young kids through. Did she want to? No... but sometimes condition forces you to do things you would never wish to. thank God for mercies, grace and hardwork... you look back on days like that and you cannot but say thank you to everyone who was kind enough to spare a little change here and there to keep us going until the good times smiled on us again.

Feel free to say no and be principled about it... i do all the time. Coming online to laugh at the unfortunate circumstance of others is not fair.

Lets be honest, many here are financially not much better than the people they sneer at. It is easier to survive here because there are government benefits to lean on in hard times, there are credit cards to tide you over until the next month, food is dirt cheap... i try not to laugh at those who beg today... who knows, you might just be the one needing their help tomorrow. As they say, no condition is permanent.

Oga i will never ever SNEER at people in NEED.NEVER.Fortunately or unfortunately i come from a family that went through both having and not having.Heck my dad got called olowo atijo(rich before before) my some people who were meant to be friends.So as I keep saying no one so far on this thread has said dont give to people who are in need.

The issue is begging people for things that are non essential.I am not one of those people who believe they are better than somebody cos they live abroad.My friends are even always joking that my jokes about how they are enjoying would make anyone hate living abroad ;DSome even say eeeya pele i simply dont know how ur coping without permanent live in domestic help.

In short if it is to beg i should be begging some of my husband relatives that come from.Nigeria cos some shops they enter hen i neva haff the liver if i enter na for 99% off sales .But i wont beg them to buy me Birkin bag cos if i dony carry birkin or mulberry or Ferragamo bag i wont die.

biolabee: no problem MA we just look at things from different angle
Just note that some of these "beggars" have comfortable jobs and are smooth talkers
so it may not necessarily be self esteem sha

True that sha. Some people beg cos they just think they can.As you said too that is the one that annoys me the MOST.And then in the same begging sentence say stuff like"UK sha,God forbid i can never live here with you people you are trying.God forbid.Naija is the place to make money"Shoooo After you just said can i have your bag?

biolabee: Sorry ma no offence meant
dear ma thanks for clarifying your point and this I totally agree with

let me even tell you something funnier

If you are complaining of people who are begging, what will you now say when they even speak behind you and say
is that all you could do

Contentment is the key to me

I stated that the annoying thing is people who can afford this and still ask up and down
Imagine someone coming to do a vacation in my place and telling me to pay for the flight ticket

I just feel that saying NO is not an agressive rather an ASSERTIVE behavior
if you cant help, say NO but there is a way you can say NO and the person wil not feel bad about it

In his mind he will say "well you tried your best"

No offence taken ,i just wanted to point out that the major culprit is lack of contentment.I might have to disagree abit though,there is a slight case for self esteem here.The main reason i wont beg for what i dont need is cos i am comfortable in who i am.So i dont need to be begging for stuff i cant afford cos that 'stuff' does not make me who i am.

biolabee: self esteem n begging as u people call it (or specifically with the kids) i dont see d correlation
Where is the place of caring and sharing

It is your prerogative to say NO just as it is the others to ask if they need help

If you cant help say NO but lets not turn it to self esteem


Some people fall on hard things and need help
It hurts their pride to actually ask

Instead of kicking a man who is down, just say NO or lie you dont have

Suddenly its about the parents not training their kids .. smh

Unc biola you sha see in my post where i said we all need help in one form or the other at some point in our lives.No matter how self sufficient you are you do need help.When i had my daughter me and hubby were alone with no immediate family around us, church members had to rally round.So help does not have to be money.

I think what people take an exception to is people begging just cos they can.For a WANT and not a NEED.You do know that oftentimes SOME people beg cos they feel you can afford it and they really do not NEED what they are begging for.

As a christian when you notice someone in NEED you dont even have to wait to be asked so as not let the person who is down already feel worse than they do.

But why naa? I have a son now and a brother.I dont get what in this entire world would make me want to be a THREAT,THREAT and in this case take the life of my DIL or SIL .Who are these people?If i dont like her sebi i will kuku sit in my house and we will saying fake hello hello when our paths cross.Gosh.geez.

Life is really really not that hard or serious.I dont get it. .I guess thats why we are different sha.

As CC and Greatgod have said kids learn mostly from watching their parents.Its scary the way kids pick up stuff from the adults around them.So it should be more a lifestyle choice.

Lil things like insisting if i have said No to something dont think you can go behind me to ask Aunty to get it for you.I am not against aunties or uncles getting gifts for my kids per se BUT i would not be happy if i said No to a certain thing maybe just to teach delayed gratification and one uncle bought it for my child.I practise that with other people kids.I remember my nephew(my SIL son)asking for WII Skylander games and figures from me.I guessed from the way he asked his mum and dad said no.So i asked what his mum said.He was like mum said no games till i learn my 12 times table.I immediately said No if mummy said no.I then told him that i will ask his mum and PROBABLY get him a suprise once he knew 12 times table.I would get him the game but only give it to him with his parents consent.

I might seem like a meanie but i think kids need to learn you cant always always get ALL you want so NO you are not getting that.You wont die if you dont get that(esp silly material stuff).That teaches them to look forward and appreciate stuff more.Also teaches the valuable lesson of living within your means which frankly alot of adults learnt the hard way.

Sometimes some people do need help(dont we all at some point one way or the other)BUT in the Nigerian context most times the begging is as a result of living beyond your means.Eg I have 5,000 naira and i want to make my hair.N5,000 can make braids or Darling Yaki conveniently with change sef.But Brazilian weave is the newest swag(unfortunately credit cards are not still that common in Naija if not that could have helped).Ha me too i must fix brasilian o,ehn big girl like me(ontop my 5,000 naira o) so the best way to cover the diff is to beg,beg guys,beg my cousin in SA,beg my sisters uncle husband friend who is rich(sebi he has money) until the brazilian weave money comes out.THAT is the main reason for the begging most times.Failing to see that the 5,000 more than covers my need.

Sho another stabbing .
Why naa?Gosh.

Might be schizophrenic like that now and some voices were telling her to slit their throats .Sooo sad.Alot needs to be done about mental health awareness in Nigeria.

Even my mum who is educated still argues with me that depression is not an illness.She calls it ibaje(over indulgence). .

Innocent kids.gosh.*goose pimples*But abeg whats with all this weird and horrible news all over the world these days. .

chaircover: I think its high time that a law is passed that no one lives with a married couple for the first 3 years of marriage.

I agree. .Its just better for everyone involved cos even the couple even if they courted for a gazillion years(except they had been co-habitting) are still trying to get their heads round someone always being in your face and personal space,add an in law who might be cantekerous=recipe for disaster.I think it should be avoided where possible.

papalsman: Pls I need more of this baby recipes I hv a 12month baby she don't like okoro soup anything solid food hw do I intro other solid food and which solid food can she like.

Eeya,some kids are just fussy eaters and its soooo frustrating but the sooner you keep on being consistent in offering a majority of foods the better.Loads of other examples on the thread but one thing i just wanted to add is some toddlers dont actually like that soft mushy baby food,just noticed my 11 month actually prefers the lumpier harder textures unlike my daughter who we still had to be pureeing for till almost two.

You can try toast and butter cut into lil squares without the crust(that might choke them).

Sweet or Irish potato boiled very soft with carrots cut into small cubes.

Plantain and peas boiled and mixed with butter.

Pap the soy one i think its called ogi baba in yoruba with loads of milk.

Rice and stew(not too peppery o) but hers should be softer than the general one.

Noodles without the sauce and mix in with veg i.e peas carrots brocoli cauliflower.

Okra seems to be the best draw soup.for babies but if she does not like it maybe try ewedu.

Just keep trying though it sometimes seems like a drag just remember there is hardly any 10 yr old that lives on milk alone

Well done mummy.

I am afraid IF he has been spoken to so many times about his spending habbits his wife might need to take drastic actions.Much as its not the ONLY factor in a relationship,finance is a very important one.Most times it takes the threat or potential loss of income for people to rethink what they ought to be spending on.

I used to be like that as well(still splurge once in a while as whats the point of life sef ojare ).My mum and hubby used to call me always buying.I could have the same shoe in red,blue,green and i even used to console myself that its on sale so i am getting a good deal.It took people around me losing their jobs to get it into my head that there is no such thing as job security.I also got a stern talking to from my husband as well him actually taking rein of my personal finances for a while.

I know in Nigeria being prudent or thrifty is often seen as stingy but there really is no point keeping up with the joneses if you cant afford it.If you have to live paycheck to paycheck i.e. Literarily and believe me this is not limited to a particular pay grade you are actually living beyond your means.If you feel you need to maintain that lifestyle look for more sources of income.Your friend might need to start drumming up issues like possible job losses at her office.And even though it is preached for one to be open in marriage i think in this case its wisdom if she has some sort of rainy day fund he knows nothing about.

Tea as in tea? i.e.Lipton,Top Tea Tetley etc.Cos am aware tea is a Nigerian term for all hot beverages .And what is bobo?Is it some sort of drink?
Well as for tea as in tea i personally would not give my kids tea cos it contains caffeine.Even me as an adult i am trying to go for decaff versions cos of some of the side effects of Caffeine.

Toddlers and all under 5's should ideally have more of milk and water.And the occassional fruit juices(hard i know but we can only try the sugar in some of these so called juices ehn ).So to me o No dont give your 11 month old tea(i have an 11 month old too ).

Also your baby can have solids now,my son.don dey chop amala sef .You try o.Girls tend to be like that though very fussy eaters.Try to inttoduce a variety of diff foods eg boiled and mashed potatoes with carrots,soft plantain,soft yam mashed upetc. Ideally by 11 months she should be eating lumpier foods but now start ASAP with the softer foods
Well done mummy.

Meanwhile my own hubby is asking when are you going to stop breast feeding this boy?Hen i want my wife and bed back .

I dont think its much of a big deal as most women have said here.My daughter was exclusively breast fed for 6 months but my son started combination feeding from 3 months cos the boy too like food.And this was with me being at home fully for 9 months.I dont think its a big issue that warrants unforgiveness.No vex for the aunty sometimes older people think they know best when it comes to babies.I was not breastfed AT ALL as my mum said cos she says she did not lactate at all.So to her all this my exclusive is just story story.And cos i have 1 yr maternity leave .She kept saying oni fun omo yi ni food ni,oyon yii oyo(wont u give this boy formula this breastmilk is not filling him).But cos I was the one in charge with no work or job interview to rush to,i managed to push it to 3 months.

If you dont want issues like that in the future maybe you should look at being in charge when your wife is not available.

Speaking for myself here too jealous to share my man 'knowingly'. As soon he says i have to pick this its the wife,my blood will boil over. .Or i have to go home now.I would never be able to live with myself thinking i was causing another woman pain.Some people dont send though cos to them its a business transaction


Lets not decieve ourselves most times its the money that speaks.The attraction is money,money,money.Or a certain life style you dont want to compromise on.

Dont let me add my own 'veiled' curses.

JeSoul: Damn those meat pies

and @Damiso, that spinach & turkey party looks delicious!

Thanks Sis Jesoul

kushe: One day you guys will just outgrow all this stuff.1Hyde park and tins.

Sarcasm my friend sarcasm.

And by the way the day people outgrow 1 Hyde Park is the day people outgrow Bananna Island.There is prime real estate EVERYWHERE in the world.I just hate it when people say se you wont come home ni ur mates are living in Lekki,Bananna Island like EVERYONE in Nigeria can afford to live in bananna island.mtshew.hissing........

babaskool: come hackney lets party fam

Where is that .Sorry i only roll in central london or the shires.

I own no 1 Hyde Park and The Shard.(should i include buckingham palace.no dont let me oppress those who live in peckham)

Everyone in Lagos lives in Lekki,(sebi addo langbasa too is lekki abi),magodo,bannana island,parkview,osborne etc.

AjanleKoko: Patriotism aside, the vast majority of Nigerians are common hustlers.
Too few Nigerians enjoy the concept of 'success' as it is defined in the West. Though it has improved slightly in the last couple of years. But generally life, as we experience it down here, is shitty for the vast majority.

To some extent that is down to what we value as a people.

Typical Nigerian definition of sucess is be very very rich,am talking the kind of rich where your Great great grandkids cannot finish the inheritance.If you dont have money forget whatever research you are conducting that might be a cure for Cancer in 10 years.Even our Academics want to Hammer .Me sef am guilty when i go to Nigeria and i see my friends whose husbands are ordinary special assistant(not adviser o) to governors balling with nannies,drivers,cooks and like 10 domestic staff and i am my own nanny and driver i think to myself chei see life .

Britain is too socialist for a typical typical Nigerian.No one send you.

Luvlystar: Thank u all 4 ur contributions. Am not the only one she hate she even hate my husband without minding that his is the one providing 4 de family. My man says he cant rent any room when his father has a very big house; infact am so confused, should i leave him nd go back to my fathers house or should i stay nd treat his mother the way she treats me?

As i guessed your husband is one of those who feel cos their father has a big house they cant rent.First off are you working?Do you think you can talk to him as in really talk not nag or throw a temper tantrum like his mum is doing?When a man gets married no matter the age he should be able to handle matters like a man.He needs to speak to his mum to please treat you better cos even if she is carrying fire she is his mother.

To be honest,the best remedy is to leave for your own place.Before marriage did you guys not talk about where to live?This house he is building how far gone is it?If you guys are building some grandiose structure and he is insisting on not renting maybe its time for a redesign?To a bungalow maybe cos i know its decking that costs alot.

My dear just calm down and talk to your husband.Sorry he is not standing up for you but still talk to him,his reaction then tells you where to go from there.

Redman44: Many Nigerians won't return home from the UK because of the fear of being tagged failures by a good number of Nigerians ( In Nigeria ) who are very materialistic in their thinking and lifestyle. People feel you're successful once you can build one or two houses in Nigeria before returning home. These people who would tag you as a failure are the same set of people who have benefited from the money you sent home over the years, before you decided to return to Nigeria. Many Nigerians have a warped mentality . Instead of them to reason with you and assist you to get your business idea running in Nigeria, most them will be laughing at you, backbiting about your 'failure' or will even try to cheat you out of your hard earned money. How many Nigerians in Nigerians are really living a better life than those in the UK? It is in Nigeria that you see people driving jeeps and yet they don't have up to 20,000 Naira in their bank account. Why is it so hard for people to live simply and within their means in Nigeria? This is why Nigerians in the UK secretly enter Nigeria and return to Britain secretly these days because of the materialistic tendencies and unrealistic expectations of many Nigerians in our dear country.

How much money is being sent to Nigerians in the UK, compared to the hard currency that is being sent to Nigeria by UK based Nigerians? I was with a money transfer agent in London recently and I was amazed at the number of people that sent money to Nigeria with an hour that I spent at the store And that is just an outlet of the Money Transfer company. People choose to live in the UK, USA or Canada for different reasons. How many people actually pay PHCN or Water bills in Nigeria? Before you call someone who has returned from the UK a failure, please consider the bills he has to pay to live a good life in Britain. And the good thing is that with all the stress in the UK, I know Nigerians who still return home and perform better than their colleagues who stayed back in Nigeria. There is still an untapped market in the UK, USA and Canada and even in Europe. The Market of the Black African, Caribbean, Black British, African American and Mixed Raced people. Smart Entrepreneurs should start thinking deeply about catering to this MARKET. Stay Blessed.

+1000 likes.

chaircover: Dami, its people like you and me who live in one room apartments. . . they dont have 2 heads. Clearly the guy cant afford to live in a duplex and that is why he is still living at home with his mother who is inturn setting fire to his wifes behind. The man should protect his family and if he can only afford a one room face me I face you and he has an understanding wife then they should move there and live their life in peace rather than living in a mansion with no rest.

The inconveneince of a one room apartment will even catapault them to quickly finsih the house that they are building. I will def respect a man who can make a descsion that protects me, even if it means inconveneincing his own comfort and I will even put in my last penny to help build that house. Its only a temp measure and its for a reason.

CC i was being sarcastic o ....of course its people who stay in one room apartment (have lived in one sef,self containedthough when i was in Uni)so am not deriding one room apartment.I was just alluding to the mindset of this kind of guys.My Ex was like that.He used to go on and on about how he could never pay rent in Lagos since his dad had so many houses.One day i had to ask him if his Dad was a landlord at his age and whether those people whose Dads had no houses in Lagos should kill themselves.One of the reasons i fled that relationship,i aint living in no family house even if its in Parkview.

chaircover: It really annoys me when inmatire boys get married and turn their wives into family wives but they carry on living as batchelors. Why cant he take his wife and live in a one room face me I face you apartment? Must he live with his mum. Where do men keep their balls these days

madam, my only advise for you is to find a job, no matter how beneath it is for you, so if na cleaner or salesgirl then please go for it and every single penny you get, you put it towards your project. Your house does not have to be plastered or even painted before you move in. Move in with your husband and you both work together towards completing the house to your own taste as money comes in.

Hen Madam CC,one room apartment ke?When family house is twin duplex with 2 plot garden.Naaaa .Why pay rent when my mummy is a landlady?
Parents need to teach kids a sense of indepedence.Maybe you can help if they fall on bad times but i sure as hell will not advise my younger bro to get married if him and his wife will live with my mum.Even if he will live in a family house it will be one where mum does not live in.And he will pay rent just to show there is nothing wrong with paying rent.Some people parents dont have houses and they still built houses.Only help might be a subsidised rate to help him save towards his house.eg if rent in said area is like 500k he could pay 100k so he can put the 400k towards his building project.