₦airaland Forum

Unfortunately contrary to popular belief,not everyone is wired to automatically put another human beings needs before theirs which is what society expects from Parents.Sad but true and even some mothers can act like that.I havr heard even in countries with welfare where mothers use child benefit for cigarettes,hair and night outs and the kids are fed junk.Utterly disgusting

Definitely not responsible but that is what you get when we feel na by force for everyone that can born to born. .As everyone has said pls stop bringing kids into the world that cannot be fed,because kids eat so little and food is just one their most basic wants.Abeg look for a way to see that child is fed and leave Daddy to feed.himself.He sha will feed himself if e no born.It really is not so expensive to give lil kids nutritious meals.Sorry hen but Baby needs you more now you know Daddy no send am.

Just to point out when i said Feed i meant money, not necessarily that Daddy has to cook himself.

OP,I have a friend who a similar thing happened to.The only respite was that she worked in a bank and that was a sort of excuse for her to leave home early and come in late so she and MIL rarely saw each other weekdays.Weekends she always formed one thing or the other to take her out.But what kind of existence is that where you cant go home to relax?A mans home is his/her place of refuge.Thankfully they had no kids yet.Her hubby too was like he wanted to save to build their own place like those people whose parents no get house no dey build house .

Anyways as soon as she fell pregnant they absolutely had to move.The guy kept saying he could not affor it with his current project so my friend had to fork out 60% of the rent for her own peace of mind.THAT my love seems to be the way out.Though if your hubby will not stand up for you in front of his mum ,be prepared for her to say you want to take her son from her SMH at the way some people think Good thing is there is a lil distance by then so you wont care anyway.

Mr Siena,very well said and i agree with most of the points you raised cos i and my husband share most of those values.It takes alot though as a woman to hold onto to some of those values if the Man wants to adopt the traditional hard stance while still wanting the woman to be an equal financial contributor.

That said i am.a strong advocate of a loved woman will definitely have no problems submitting(there are rare cases though).Me i dont even want to be the head ,i am ok being the neck that turns the head .
I live in London and i kinda get the picture he was trying to paint thought there was a tad bit of over generalisation going on.

OP though could have done without the insults and personal attacks,so not necessary.

I dont think its necessary.My daughter's school(a catholic sch) emphasised more on Love meaning being kind to one another.They made cards for mummy and daddy as well as contributing £1 for a school in Kenya.And that was more or less it.

I do agree that valentine is very very OTT in Nigeria and it increases every year.Its much more subdued and laid back here.I even think.mother's day is more visible sef.

But to borrow that my over calcu husband's words,the real motive behind the sudden popularity of these made up pagan holidays is to maximise profit for the coporate world.And we are wondering why china is a world power,thats where most of the tat you all keep buying and consuming is made.(all grammar just so he can get away with card,flower and chocolate ).

Food for thought .

Seek Ye First,the Kingdom of God.

jidegirl12: Babe you are too much! my Dad goes to Saudi annually( for prayers) and route it to my end for my own inheritance before dey carry go back home. chop clean mouth lol @ taja teran

@damiso lol only one owanbe shoe and bag? omo you need proper initiation o!

Sis i really do. .Serious one for that mata.TBH am not really a fan of sets.Will rather see nice peep toe sandals and match with a nice clutch or pumps or wedges.I feel those proper 'italian' sling back things look better on iro and buba and am not iro and buba person.My mum keeps shaking her head in horror

naijababe: Omo, I love your mum already . You said no to a free trip to Saudi ?! Gbogbo fall hand patapata




Look who's talking? Like say she no dey this kain runs herself.

Even though i have now converted i believe hajj being one of the five pillars is meant to be taken very seriously.Not meant for parole runs. .My mum was like ur too efiko for ur own good but am sure Mr Ashim(my islamic teacher)would be proud to hear that
So maybe Ummrah if such an invitation is extended again.Lol.

naijababe: You don't even know the half of it . I want to go and dust my hijab off sef just so I can go to Saudi to see wetin dey now, after all I still carry a muslim name on my kpali.

Lol.Me too.My muslim name is still my middle name.Mummy went for last hajj and wanted me to go with her.

She says i know ur now a christian but ok lets go for Ummrah and you will know you are goinf for tourist attraction and gold buying .I just say Mummy am ok with my cords and small sets.I can always go to Valenzia on EasyJet .If i want 'heavy' set(which i rarely do) i can borrow from you .Abi we are kuku only two girls.

naijababe: Girl, me i am fully initiated . What can I say? I love travelling nau

Austria and Switzerland for lace, best place to go is one place called St Margrethen is Switzerland, it borders Austria so you get to see plenty manufacturers on both sides. Rome, Naples and Venice for gold or Milan if you want designer gold as in specially designed only for you. The real wheelers and dealers of partying are snobbish about Dubai gold, it is for taja teran . Saudi gold, na another matter entirely, no be for everybody

@ debosky, if you can get the Jews in Switzerland to show you road, the money go be like say you do money ritual

Sis you are fully intiated.My mum would love you to be her daughter.Me that i cant tie gele to save my life.The only shoe and bag i have is from my wedding.The woman is always shaking her head,thinking where did i go wrong

I tell her i am my fathers daughter. .All my laces are gathering dust.I prefer Ankara cos i can funkify my styles.I converted one of my laces to a dress and she was like omo yi lace iyebiye lo baje bayi(this child is this expensive lace you spoilt like this). .She is always lile you need to wear more iro and buba you are now a married woman .I cant even tie iro well.She makes sure they sew a rope on it for me .I am just hopeless at owambe feferity.

naijababe: Babe, leave the iya make she chop the head of her life jo . Some people dey collect gbese for holiday, others na for Christian Louboutin abi na for Jimmy Choo; shebi no be everyday she dey do party.

Any time anyone raises an objection to a party, one of my SIL always breaks into the Obey song 'Alowo ma jaye' which always have me in fits of laughter. You can't get parties outta of the people who have in their blood, just go with the flow when you can.

Alowo ma jaye eyin lemo
Mummy's best musician is Obey.*singing*Ko si iwa to lewu (reminscining mode).

My mother .You just gotta love the woman.Quirks and all.

You know why am not too keen,dont want it to be like my family just like to override our wishes all the time.At least hubby might not go to naija with us so let her do her whole wahala there.

I know if i insist Hubby will have no option but to suck it up and then moan to me about how someone spilled wine on the rug.BUT its not good to always take people for granted.I know he is not too keen on big owambe do's and they are his kids too.

greatgod2012: na wa oooooo, things are really happening in this life......can you imagine?......still paying d debt incurred for a wedding cerenony, while d marriage sef don pafuka.

Sis that is the one i hate,its a diff case if you have the money, fine.But entering into debt for party,naaaa.

My Kinsmen in Isale Eko are very fond of that.Naming ceremony for people who are both not working and also not married will run into hundreds of thousands of naira.They will close the road and next day return to their one room apartment in Idumota or Ebute ero.Am like WTH

jidegirl12: @naijababe Don't mind Damiso jare, na the ijebu blood dey work for her body my MIL goes to Switzerland to make our own special design lace even for all our naming ceremonies, my hubby's agbada is still there untouched for years, her own too much, but wetin be my own? just make up and dance the woman wan spend let her now ;

Jidegirl no be ijebu o .I just hate organising parties.I hate trawling the shops buying stuff,sending out invites the whole shebang.
Also mummy should save her money ojare.After party now one month later il be hearing business is not moving well o and guess who will then have to become business partner then .

naijababe: Jejely coming round .

I am very ambivalent about parties, as long as all the gbogbo project management is someone else's head and me I just have show at the 'oju agbo' and collect naira or dollar I am game.

You get the gist.I absolutely hate the project management aspect of it.Any opportunity to avoid organsing.The last time i had to do such was my wedding and believe me it made me HATE organising parties more.
Told my husband mummy plan this evening and he started rolling his eyes.He is so game on taking the fall for it.So will tell her Hubby has proffessional exams the next week and is going up to scotland(true though) so not a good time for a big bash.
Compromise, we are coming to Nigeria in August(need to start looking at tickets) so if she likes let her rent twenty canopies,she has partners in Crime in Nigeria to do the legwork there.I no do wahala.fingers crossed she buys it.

baby_123: It is all about outdoing mama risi and temi's children's parties. These things are competition.They are constantly trying to outdo each other. So people will hail them and remember that party for ages. But this gbese is too much now. Kai! I won't do such, unless my hubby can afford it.The woman will be biting her hands and swearing for the DIL every day it is time to pay the installment.

Yes o to borrow Greatgods words all na 'feferity'.We attended one like that last saturday uhhm na wa.There was two tier aso ebi,ankara for the youngers and lace for the mummies.
They had 10 cakes i.e they spelled the baby's name + IS ONE .The party pack can only be best described.Me that i am always feeling posh that i cant be bothered with party favours,i jejely called the lady sharing that my son had not gotten one .At least bobo got rocha little rocha top and jeans .
I really will try to let mum have her way but as i said maybe in Nigeria.There are loads of people to take on the hassle there.No matter how much she says you dont need to do anything I know i will def be sucked into one stress or the other.

chaircover: one of my mums friends is still paying off for the gold and other things she wore at her sons wedding. The hall alone cost thousands and she chartered all her friends in from the USA . . . . BTW the couple divorced ages ago.

Wetin eye no go see for this obodo oyibo ;

Yes o madam CC yours truly knows one of such.Its all sooo vain to me.My mum went to Dubai solely for my wedding and when i told i had made beads to match aso oke for the trad wedding she was sooo mad.She was like Nooo so people will say she cant 'dress' her child on her wedding.I insisted on the beads and had to compromise by changing twice on the wedding to accomodate the secong gold set .

To be fair though,Gold is a good investment.Its the laces and geles i cant wrap my head around.

True o if they kidnap me and ask for N60 million.Lo ba tan That is ALOT of money for a few days criminal activity.

Thank God she is now safe.Must have been so traumatic though.

May God protect us all.

@Funky and Baby,which kain 'friend'does bobo have? >:

Lets just call it Grandmas party cos as far as i know most 1yr olds cry and are miserably cranky at such parties.Not even this one that likes following me around like a tail.

baby_123: Loool, funny thing is my mum is opposite and I have a feeling I would be like your mum. That is her first grandson for God's sake. I would do anything for my grandchildren. I am a reserved person funny enough, but I have got a serious party side. Funny thing too, I don't like big parties, but I tend to over do it when it comes to my loved ones. This made post made me stop and think about my past attitude though. I now see it may be a bit too much. But what's the harm in something that is osho free? Will never turn it down sha.

The upside of this is shebi its just cake that is your contribution, you will get correct money which is always a plus, and baby will be asleep through all the noise anyway.

My proposal, have a garden, child event place or house party for him from 12-4. Then let the owambe start at 5pm or later. At least he gets to party with his own friends, and you guys just get to enjoy yourselves drama free while making some money. Win-win situation. I don't see any problem with this. Relax and let mama flex with her friends. Am sure they all do it.

But i know for a FACT that my husband even though he has a poker face will be fuming inside .He absolutely hates owambe parties except he is there for the kids one and vamooses after.

I am leaning towards insisting on no party here but taking the kids to Naija in september.Then my daughter will be 4.Funny enough i had them on the same date (19th) so we can do 4 and 1 and a half.Ooops forgot school resumes in September .Maybe August then.

chaircover: LOL some people nearly died when I refused a birthday party and jetted off to Dubai with my husband for a week of . . . . .

Some people had already started talking about colour schemes and venues 6 momths before . .Me Ke!!! Party!!!! No party would have been as sweet as that one week I had away . . .abi no be to eat jollor rice and aya mase and to dance to Mr Solek ni and spray $1 bills?

Thanks but no thanks

CC that is soooo me.A nice vacation away with hubby beats any rubbish owambe for me anyday anytime.Its such stress.Gosh.

My mum always says o ti ronu bi oyinbo(you are thinking like oyinbo)but i keep telling her even if i lived in Nigeria i would not like owambe stress.

funkybaby: @OP

Is your mom from ijebu or Isale eko

Sorry, I'm with your mom on this one. Nothing wrong in partying and inviting friends over to celebrate.

Infact, it means your family is well loved and liked. Hence the reason why they can pull so much crowd.

ISA ko, offshore fund ni. Not with the yeye interest rates UK banks are giving

Please, let her party and rejoice.

She is Ijebu .I am.3/4 ijebu and 1/4 isale eko.My mum is full ijebu.And my paternal grandma too is ijebu.Only my paternal grandpa is from Lagos Island.I wonder how the gene skipped me .Just joking my dad too disliked parties but he just went along with mummy for peace.

As CC said all these Grandmas are the same.When i tell my mum must you buy aso ebi?No joke the woman has a whole wardrobe filled with aso oke and gele.If you say Mummy you have green gele,she says what shade?If you say Olive green,she has like 4.Its ridiculous Unfortunately me and my sis are not Owambe ish so she has started reducing it cos no one will wear with when she is through with them.
TBH to me its a waste of money.When i even tell her mummy me am not buying gele cos i know you have 2 of that colour,she says Ko Ni Da o(it wont be nice) hen we and Mama Lagbaja are too close for that .My sister tells me the prices for the 'package' go for as much 120k now cos its my Sis friends that are now getting married.

I just dont get it even though i grew up with it.

naijababe: Terms and conditions for this kain pipu?! . Bros, na after the party begin na hin u go sabi say all your T&C na pure and complete waste of time.

Sis terms and conditions dont work for this kain pipu o. .Everything just turns into a party one way or the other.E tire me o.

Thanks everyone for the best wishes o.May we all reap the fruit of our love on our Kids by His Grace.

@CC believe me what hubby wants is take pictures for the boy at Studio and tell him that was you on your First Birthday .Its maybe the small DNA in me that makes him say ok small party and he goes along with me.I absolutely HATE cleaning up after parties and the reason he was not too happy after the naming was that HE had to do the cleaning cos i just had a baby and was weak and he sha cant be letting mummy clean when he is home.So yeah we are on the same page.Maybe il push the blame to him they have kuku accepted that he is oloyinbo.
@Jidegirl once i agree to Hall, e don turn jamboree.OTT is over the top.
@Biolabee e be like say i have to go to Naija for her to get her proper hearts desire.

My prince bobo is going to be 1 in March.Yaaay .I thank God for His mercy and Grace upon my family though i wish he could remain a baby a lil while more .

Anyways i created this thread for opinions on how to be diplomatic.My kids are my mums first grandkids and being a grandma is really really 'sharking' her so to speak.She was unable to be here for my daughter 1st birthday and also her naming so with my son she seems to want to always over conpensate for her absence.

I am(and hubby as well)not really a party person.I take after my Dad in that regard and always want to keep things as simple as possible.For my daughter 1st birthday we had a small parlour party with a few friends and her cousins.She also took another cake to church on Sunday and we had loads and loads of pictures.To me thats what 1st birthdays are about ,memories cos 1 yr old dont even know whats happening.Each to his own though but thats my belief.The only thing i dont like is when kids parties are taken over by the adults so when my daughter is 5 we will tailor it to her interests at the time and not mine.
Anyway intend to do the exact same thing for bobo.

The issue is my mum is having none of it.I have told her mummy its march we cant use the garden might still be cold and i am NOT getting a hall.She has started mobilising her london crew .Same way she did at his naming.We wanted pastor name the boy,people eat and chill ,bye.Before we knew it Mrs Kini was bringing pepper soup,Iya Lagbaja Ewa Agoin,Mama Tamedu Yam Pottage (with colour coded Gele to boot i know it was no coincidence they were all in Blue Gele),we had a full blown party on our hands.Hubby was not too impressed but sha endured it cos of me.

Now i can feel it brewing in the air again,i told her Mum pls i am not in the mood i dont have the strength.She was like dont worry you dont need to do anything.Next i said ok we dont have money(a lie to dissuade her).She was like you just get cake.*sighs*And hubby is still in the dark.My sister said she has started buying souvenirs and has made three diff natives for them.Bless her.

I would rather do something small and have her put whatever she wants to spend in his ISA or trust fund acct(those are what matter to me and hubby).Hubby already has the notion that my family like party too much(kinda true ) but i really really do not believe in Extravagant and adultish 1st birthdays.How do i keep mummy happy and not too offended and STILL not have an OTT 1st birthday party?

She thinks am now thinking like oyinbo and most of my family think am being tight(dont care though).But seriously my family can like party i wonder how i am different .You should have seen arguments pre my wedding.In the end i just gave up.We used Halls A and B at Unilag Multi Purpose Hall and we still had guests who stood .It was hen something else.My mum had 80 of her friends wearing the same Aso Ebi and believe me like 20 are here who are waiting in the shadows*shudders*.

Pls my NL people abeg how i prevent this disaster waiting to happen?

Debsolat: Apologies if it sounded condescending. I did not mean that south east london people are not real because that would mean putting everyone under the same blanket. And I was brought up in south east London. Or be like the poster who is generalising. You can go ahead and bash people because we don't agree with your opinions. Vanity and Damiso, hope apology is accepted?

Debsolat haba i really really got what you meant.And also Cottons peckham crowd.They are around me (not necessarily location wise i know some who live in Dartford ).People who spend £30,000 on 1 yr old birthday party with complete £250 aso- ebi to boot .Ha i even have them as family and inlaws.Had one of such parties last week and the kids party pack can only be best imagined.Not to tarr all people with the same brush but some of these people tend to exhibhit most of the traits OP described.

Apologies accepted dear

O ga o.I thought family section was looking towards no insults policy for difference in opinion.

Naija people and acidic tongues.Geez.

Spinach and smoked turkey(my sharp sharp take on Efo riro )

Bawss1: That is a very weird combo. Pancakes with fruits?

Yeah you can have pancakes with diff toppings.Some have it as a savoury dish with sausage and bacon or with diff twists rather than having it plain.

My own take is i live in South East London in a Housing Association property BUT i know i am a good wife .Me i no dey form to be what i am not.

I am also a Naija import .

OP no vex,peckham crowd is not.necessarily the location,its people who have Owambe mentality and what you described is quite common among that crowd.

Also the personal attack on Cotton,so not necessary.

roymary: Real talk! if you know how many 9ja guys i dey assist whenever i go over there?? and i try to ask why some can't come back home...9ja is not as bad as many would think. America has made many but you will be disappointed to know how many Nigerian are still hopeless out there.
So wetin come be d point?

Still not getting my point You do know that those your friends will face all kinds of ridicule and am afraid from even yourself.No be me say make you go america no bring anything comot.Thank God you can help them,thats why God blesses us sometimes to bless others.

I have an australian friend who got made redundant in 2011.She tried getting a new job and could not.So last year she,her hubby and kid decided to move back to Australia(her son was my daughter BF in nur and we became friends through them).Its not like they had loads of money they sold their house and are even still renting in Australia.We skyped last week and she has just opened a nail parlour and hubby just got a new job.

Of course any Nigerian can do this BUT believe me as a Nigerian you have to plan it twice as hard as this lady.Not necessarily cos of money alone(if you live according to your means anywhere you will be fine),its just the whole mindset.Being thrifty or savvy with money is seen as stingy(you yourself said that im one of your posts).Its just you need ALOT more money to live the quality of life people expect from you.If you dont they start pitying you or not even.associating with you.Most people end up getting frustrated all over again.Believe me i know several who did and came back again.

roymary: Madam, i get your point...but its annoying when dem give these people visa...them go run dey throw stones and insults from afar as 9ja take useless...That's unacceptable.

I get your point too.I am always telling people off for saying stuff like,' That Nigeria is a sh-it hole','Nigeria is finished' bla bla .Its not on.But you know what i know NIN who say the same and even worse.

Your posts just validate what my main grouse is with Nigeria and Nigerians(believe me the NIDs who go back home to elective offices are worse cue Bankole et al).The main grouse is Materialism.Believe i like money and wherever you live be it in Space lots of money makes life easier.BUT the issue i have is how people not so fortunate are derided left right and center.Everyone cant be rich and some people in Nigeria do those menial jobs that NIN keep harping on about.It just shows you that the average middle class educated Nigerian does not think his driver or a cleaner in the office deseerves a quality of life that is 1/10 like his own.How then can he then oppress the driver? How then will the driver's children dare talk to his own kids?

There are class distinctions in all societies as you cant compare Chelsea and Peckham or Brooklyn and Manhattan BUT at least the kid in peckham can have cornflakes,toast and orange juice for breakfast which is more or less what the kid in Chelsea might be having.

roymary: I no go answer you pass this cos you no sabi read. This is not about dying in silence. This is about being patriotic and supportive of a better Nigeria. The Americans didn't run away from their country. They stayed put until things turned out fine.

Na you know the enjoyment wey you dey for your small cubicle wey you call studio cos Music studio big pass that shiit.

Living Abroad? We are tired of you bad-mouthing our hustle here. Nigeria is not the only African country going through this setback so make una stop to wash una mouths on this country.

I dey go America in few days... to come back in few weeks...I no like cold weather, i hate oyinbo people dey look me like terrorist, i no like to enter bar, the white girl rush hug her bag for chest like say i be thief.

Enjoy your America but no add salt to our injury if you can't do shiit about it.

Oga i will keep quoting you cos your take on this is just derision on the standard of living of some people as opposed to actual patrotism.
Every country and i mean EVERY country's citizens moan if things are not going right.You need to see the way Brits moan about govt cuts and austerity measures.Does that mean they are not patriotic?Of course they are.Everyone criticises what they love.Dont u criticise your child if you see they are going down the wrong path?

You keep referring to people living space so to you NIN who live in face me i face you are not people.
I am the first to jump on anyone who speaks bad about Nigeria(my inlaws call me Naija champion) but you sir are probably comfortable or well off and seem to be gloating cos you seem to be doing better than folks in the 'so called abroad'.

Therein sir lies the Nigerian problem and the chief intiator of Corruption.

Just to add people have always emigrated to pursue a better standard of living.People including americans.You have brits living in Spain cos of the sunny weather,Americans living in Norway cos of the liberal tendencies,Indians and chinese living in Nigeria contributing to their home country's economy.
So no sir,you dont need to stay put till things get better.
If that was the case there would be no America as we know it today.They could have remained in Elitist Britain.

roymary: @OP

Those American wannabes will do anything to criticize your post. Some of us that plies Lagos-America back and forth knows better than to sit back in foreign land hoping that really solves a thing. Tell them to enumerate their current jobs out there.

If the vagabondss in Aso rock will simply do us the favor; fix the damnn roads, improve our power supply, create more jobs, especially in Agriculture and Textile, improve National security and empower the youth as much as possible...There will be lesser reasons to leave this country for Chicago where cold weather will jeopardize your health big time.

See, 80% of Nigerians in Diaspora are still trying to get rich. When they do, the next thing they wanna do is come back home. Forget the hype and "gonna' wanna" They live in shoe boxes, menial jobs and shiit. They are extremely stingy( they call it being meticulous but i don't see it that way)

Nigeria will survive- We won't give up Cos America sef get her own problems to solve.

I rarely comment on these NIN vs NID posts cos there is no point.But i had to point this out:

Being rich is relative and i def know 80% of NIN are also not rich.
In short in the whole world at the mo 99% of the world wealth is in the hands of 1%.The whole world.

There will always be rich and poor.

Average Nigerian Mindset of anyone not 'rich' does not have an opinion.

I am a Nigerian first before anything,no matter what passports my kids carry they are Nigerian first so i def love my country.

BUT i think its too late for our generation so we need to educate the next generation to respect ALL HUMAN BEINGS.

Poverty is horrible anywhere but in Nigeria poverty makes you less than human.

I am learning(hard though toddlers and pre-schoolers are such hard work)not to be reactive parent.I dont want my kids to think of me as mummy just likes shouting.

Right now my 3 and a half yr old knows bad behaviour=consequences.I know the time will come when she might not like me very much i dont need her liking.I need love and respect which we are working to earn and expect.

I smack(rarely) but after several warnings and based on what was done.The best method though that works for her is isolation and dissappointment.The girl lives for mummy and daddy praise so being told off is not her favourite thing.She is still too young to understand priviledges being withdrawn per se(introducing that though No Dora or Ben and holly if you dont finish your counting)but i cant wait for that to kick in.

Lastly and what i learnt from my parents,IT IS MY HOUSE so MY RULES and yes COS I SAID SO.

PY guru thank you for releasing my post.And I guess i was banned or what does it mean when you cant post for hours

Back to topic,debrief is right forgiveness(maybe not forgetting that takes time)is something we have to be very conscious about at all times.I am like my father and believe me the man could get along with even a mad man.He used to get angry but he was one of the happiest souls i have ever known.And this is mainly cos he never kept grudges.My mum is always saying to me Omo Baba Ni e(You are your fathers daughter).

His take and mine too is that only God should be placed on the 'perfect' pedestal.That way when the human weaknesses in some people shows you are not too disappointed.Not that i wont learn from incidents and be wiser(eg family and business dont mix very well ).But i just learnt to let go of the resentment.

At this moment my family has been deeply hurt by people so close to us and my husband is soooo hurt and disappointed BUT i keep telling him just let go,life is too short and God has vindicated us so why dwell on something we are even better off for.This eve he still said to me (one of them's birthday is on friday and i had bought her gift in December) dami i dont know what kind of person you are hen,you can forgive o.I understand personalities are diff but letting go really makes life less full of drama.