₦airaland Forum

Ok ok whatever You know i ididnt mean him being a thing let me rephrase by saying 'his support and presence has been one of the things' that has kept me going'

whats is best about my married life?umm loads of things but what i really enjoy is the fact that i have someone who gives to me with no holds barred.(i have to return that too,so its not just about taking).

I lost my dad last week and i think my husband is one of the few things that has made me really bear this difficult period.I feel so lucky to have this person(apart from my siblings and mom) to actually share this grief with.I guess that is what he is menat to do but he has really been a pillar for me to turn to.Thank you babes, for making me smile through my tears and sorrows.I love you and i really wish you could see this.

D.baby:
Bro's
seems u are deriving soo much pleasure pulling our legs here on Nairaland with your English.
Enjoy

abi o .part from the annoyingly bad english,his ramblings are inchorent.he really must be pulling legs.

big father:
Wahala in what sense ?

I know your type. You are just afraid of NEMESIS abi ?
You never jam, na 5 girls BABA GOD go give you !

amen to the highlighted.its all those guys who have broken load of hearts that dont want girls.all children are blessings.i personally want a girl first but will accept whatever God throws at me as long as its healthy.

Dude what are u on about?

Yes witchcraft exists everywhere not just in nigeria but just try to dwell in the secret place of the almighty and not attribute everything that happens to you as withcraft.some people become so paranoid and are thus unable to look inward to see where they are inadequate or have made mistakes and just attribute every failure to witches.

shotster50:
People are bleating about how racist the UK but the same thing happens in our dear Naija.  people are racist (tribalist morelike) in Nigeria too for eg you 've got people saying they don't like these 'omo igbos' coming to invade Lagos and other places, and you also have igbos complaining about the amount of 'Abokis' in the east. These things you see are natural reactions to seeing strangers on your home turf.

Word.I think Nigerians would be the worse if tables were turned and people came to work in their country.Its in our culture to take advantage of people and also oppress people.See area boys claiming 'owo ile' for goods brought into lagos island by predominantly igbo traders.

HR.hotness do i know you?

honey mixed with wealth

What a foundation to build a life on?Debt is something one should avoid at all costs especially for frivoulous stuff.I learnt one good thing for my husband and that is if i cant afford it now,il save for it and if i can t that means i don' t really need it.I remeber having a budget for everything for my wedding and decided not to exceed it(at least not considerably) and maybe it was just God's grace i actually got alot of things far less than i budgeted.We just made up our minds that we still had loads of other things to do after the wedding and debt was not something we wanted hanging around our necks.

Finally i thought my family was the wierd one when it comes to hanging pics everywhere.My mom just does not like it and i think i have inherited that trait.i have just one tiny frame with one of my traditional wedding pic and it is on my dressing table in the bedroom.I really hate those museumish  looking living rooms with zillions of pictures,It doesnt make it look like a home anymore.(i personally think its razz )

LASIEFAIRE:
Proud vet of Combantrin's Kids club.

Lucky you for, us it was agbo jedi jedi after every birthday party.My mom just had to spoil the fun of cakes,ice cream and chocolate with the fore knowledge that your tongue had to suffer that horrid aftertaste for hours.Our combatrin was once in 3 months.

never had lice but had eczema on my chest at 8(when i started bathing myself)_{i tot rubbing the sponge on my tummy and face was enough}

This actually made my 'new found bath independence' stop as my mom took over my bathing again till i got the beta knack of it.haa and my mother bathing you was like WWF in the bathroom by the time she finishes you would be red(i know, i know black people dont turn red but i am sure i was under the skin)

Thor:
Because it sounds very backward and primitive. Nigerians tend to speak a bad level of english compared to South Africans and Kenyans.

where did you get that from? I sincerely beg to disagree.I think the well educated nigerian with little or no mother tongue interfrence has one of the best sounds from Africa.Kenyans ke? immediately they talk you know they are kenyan but a well spoken nigerian who speaks well(not stupid 'innit' 'yeah') will be asked where that accent comes from.I have had clients ask me if i was canadian,american when they heard me speak on the phone and i feel that i sound nigerian(without the yoruba 'H'factor)

- that there was indeed a tooth fairy that put money under your pillow when u lose a tooth
-that your hand would turn crooked when you put your hand out of the window of a moving car.
-that babies were bought at the hospital(my mom says that i told her to return my younger sis to the shop she bough her from as she cried too much )

my father and my creator,Thank you for your abundant mercy and grace on my life.Thank you for giving me the insight to serch for the truth and know that good things come to those who believe and that through faith we can move mountains.

I thank you for where i am coming from,where i am and where you are taking me to.-

Age is a thing of the mind and maturity is not age.Age is something you can do nothing about as its a natural occurence but maturity is a mindset.My hubby is 10yrs+ older than i am(we did not meet when i was 19 though) but i really do not feel the age difference is an issue .I sometimes forget that he is older than i am due to the kind of relationship that we have.I therefore think that age is an issue based on the parties involved,i have met someone who is younger than his wife and acts far matured than she is so its basically up to the individuals involved.And as someone stated it's like imagining a 39 yr old woman with a 50yr old man.See it does'nt sound that funny when put that way.(think its the 'teen' still behind the 19 that makes it look appalling to some people)

@poster while i agree with the purpose of this thread i think somehow laying the blame at the feet of diasporans is totally wrong, first of all migration is a way of life and people have always moved from one place to the other right from the word go so why would it suddenly be a no no now
secondly united states is cold ,canada is cold i have been opportuned to visit there and know they r colder than UK so i don't realli get the emphasis on uk,

would you rather have a single person leave uk and go back to a country where irrespective of the citizens wishes,the leaders are glorified armed robbers just to prove a point
so to show she is patriotic,she should leave her job here and go get a job paying 100,000 naira a month,rent  maybe a 1 bed flat in sum run down ketu or agege with mosquitos e.t.c
lastly saying diasporans energy is somewhat misplaced is a totally wrong statement,people work long hours abroad because they get paid for what they do and there are commitments,besides money is an incentive for everybody,polish,russians,europeans all work very hard in this country for money in fact the polish work harder and have better work ethics than nigerians, all because there is a working system rewarding hard wrk, where is that present in nigeriaunless you want all diasporans to move to nigeria and maybe work at pushing wheel barrows to show they are working to improve their country while politicians are busy looting and sending all the money back where they came from


I so agree with the above post.Yeah i for one want to go back to Nigeria but only when i will be able to contribute to the development by creating jobs as an enterpreneur,if all the diasporans return home dont u think the labour market would be further saturated and knowing nigerian employers,they would always prefer those with foreign degrees.If i remember correctly, there was a post by someone on this section about the growing trend of people coming from abroad to snatch up the juicy jobs at home.Yeah, i agree people should return home when they deem fit but i do not belive all diasporans returning home will be a solution to nigeria' problems.All in all sha i am an advocate for a university graduate to return home if they do not have papers.It is not worth it in the long run.There are far better prospects at home than perching around and living in constant fear.

You too put ami in ur olodo rabata.abi.

very interesting posts on this topic, sorry could not contribute to the hot debate yesterday; always too lazy to go on the internet when i get home after staring at a computer screen all day.

Back to the topic at hand,i guess my use of the word 'domesticated' was a liitle too far fetched so should probably replace with adjectives like 'helpful','caring','sensitive';need i go on. My post did not in anyway indicate that a man should take over the domestic duties in the house,i just said i noticed that the naija men living abroad tend to support their wives with help around the house than their brothers back home.I personally would not want my hubby to take over the running of the house as there are some of his housekeeping principles i dont agree with eg'We can always wash the plates tomorow morning'(i hate dirty plates in my sink urgh )

All i was simply trying to say was that it would not only be thoughtful but also Godly for men to sometimes help with chores around the house when you see that your wife is overwhelmed.Even with labour being cheap in nigeria and all,there are times people get stranded eg when the househelp travels for christmas.I remember when my aunty had her second baby was when the househelp decided to run away and gosh was she stressed out, with taking care of the older child,baby and even the big one that is her huisband.and she was on maternity leave, so imagine if she had to go to work as well.There is nothing unmanly about a man giving a helping hand when his wife is overwhelmed.especially if is she is a co-breadwinner(if there is such a word).But no,it is beneath them to bath 'their' child.

I remeber when we were much younger and had no helps for some time,my mom used to sleep at 12 am and be awake at 4am to get everybody ready for school and work.when she got back at 5(my dad used to get back at 7 so there was not much difference),she would make dinner,which would be more difficult cos of my dad(we would have happily eaten bread or something easy to prepare),so she would launch into making amala,ewedu,fresh fish stew.During that period,she would be helping me and my younger ones with our homeowrk and sorting out our socks,uniforms and the rest.After that she would then set about cleaning up the rooms cos she was and still is a neat freak.She would then probably sit down like 10pm to eat the food she made of which her appetite would already be gone.Now tell me why could'nt my Dad help?Yeah we always had helps but could he not see at that point that she was overwhelmed?Why could he not sort the socks,uniform and help with homework?

The point is his mindset was and still is a man should not do housework.As hard as my mom has tried to raise my brother otherwise,my dad is a bad role model.He will continually grumble when he is told to do anything saying 'but daddy does not do anyything',even some stupid relatives would even scold my mom for trying to train him right by saying'dont u know he is a man?'.But my mom argues that she wants him to make a helpful husband later in life.

My husband's mom though late,made sure she raised them the same way as their sister and made sure they did their share of housework.Maybe because she had more boys,i cant say but i know that this has really helped as he and his brothers are indeed very helpful around the house.I intend to be the same and raise my male children to help out in the house and not see housework as work solely meant for women.

_{See irony o it is this my same father that wants me to be a career woman and not let anything hinder my career.I wonder how i wont die of exhaustion if my hubby is like him}.

Leilah:
Not necessarily true, my husband has been in Europe seven years now and his brothers even more, to date, they openly refuse to lift a finger.

They expect their wives to do it all (naija or non) to do it all and work 9-5.

I know but all i am saying is that those that abroad do so more than those that live back home.I remember some time back,we had like a mini intro where all my husband's family who lived abroad came with the ones at home(he is an orphan) to meet my parents,After eating all the ones from yonder picked up their plates and made their way to the kitchen despite protests from my mom.Just show they see nothing wrong in washing thier plates but all those naija ones jsut dropped the plates and were waiting for water to wash their hands.

i got p7 in yoruba in wassce jare.just could not be bothered to put all the ami oke and isale,was very good in reading and all but never could get the amis.you can help.idea la need o jere.

how do you put yoruba ami on NL.is it possible would really love to learn how to.

I just replied to a post about a really cool husband who takes a very active part in the raising of his children.I think its really nice when a man chips in to help his wife around the house both with the kids and also with household chores.But i have noticed that the naija husbands that live abroad are more prone to this attitude than their brothers back home.

I have noticed over the years when i used to stay over with couples abroad,you find the husband seeing nothing wrong in cooking,cleaning doing the laundry and even bathing for and feeding the kids.But those ones at home just carry on as if the woman is superwoman(my father and most of the males in my family are guilty of this).

I guess it's the enviroment and  maybe the fact that domestic helps cost an arm and a leg.
I have decided that if my hubby refuses to help me with the kids,we will get an aupair which HE would have to pay for(to be fair sha he does help around the house now,at least far better than my Dad)Gosh my father is one example of someone i never wanted to marry when it comes to domestics, HAA the man is or should i say was a DISASTER.

awww Kokoye ur such a darling,ur family is so lucky.i am impressed. i will try to learn to trust my hubby with the kids when they come cos i know he is good with kids but as OP said its just the way mothers are.

Amin o lagbara jesu esu oni ti mi kuro ni idi eru mi.ma je ere ise owo mi.

@ post

BRILLIANT.loved the write-up and would by His grace try to apply those same principles to my marriage.

Still relatively a newbie in the job(marriage) so still loving it at the moment esp considering the fact that i had to endure a long distance relationship,but as young as i amin the game, i understand the need to sometimes do things alone that being married sometimes does nto give you the luxury to.An example was about two weeks ago when i was tired of cooking, he was tired too(my hubby is a good cook he is just lazy nowadays) we had to order take out alotas i was tired and he was working alot.After about 4 days, i started feeling guilty about the resources we were spending, even though he was not complaining but i guess being a wife just does your head in to the whole taking care of your man thing.When i was still single if we like make we eat take out for the whole year ba wahala,i would even rejoice that i was experimenting new dishes and restaurants .So i guess by the time i am in it for a couple of more years there are times when i would crave the carefree life of a single girl(thats why i believe every girl should have a bit of independence before marriage and so would not resent her marriage in later years, thinking of what she has missed)

@topic

ME TOO.

Only my hubby makes it worth it and now winter is almost here to make it worse.

singapore fried frice
anything with sea food(love sea food)

waterworks:
@ POSTER

AND URE POINT IS, THERES SUFFERING EVERYWHERE POERIOD!

Not in Heaven Though.between ,not all the pics showed suffering,some highlighted lifestyle prefrences which are universal(pls dont bash i no be Queen pikin just making an observation)