₦airaland Forum

coogar: necessity my foot!
how many nigerians completed their degrees with college loans? abeg, talk another thing....nigerians come here & pay their school fees in one swoop!



of course na, couples don't plan for this before tying the knot. you can just go on the street & snatch a woman then take her to church immediately & marry her. no wonder poverty is bread & butter in nigeria. with such mentality, is there any surprise?



hahahaha - see your backward thinking. a daughter will be räped in school? by who? her classmates at age 3-5? her teachers under the full supervision of a canon CCTV?

dayo, you plumb the depths of irrationality when you come up with these excuses. even if my daughter gets assaulted in her school, at least that responsibility has passed over my head unlike you that brought your sëxually abusive nephew from abidjan to look after your child.

i am sure the jury won't need up to 3 mins to send you to 10 years in jail. you will cop a child negligence charge & human trafficking charge of the nephew you brought over from africa. all in your bid to save money.



the chances are 1000000/1 & besides one's daughter getting räped in school can affect both the career couple & the stayathome mum camp. however, your own daughter stands a bigger risk of räpe both in school & in your home.



a drop in income will not lead in a low income area. if my wife & i make £40k per annum each, she's better off staying at home than working after putting to bed.

the UK govt recognises this wife of mine is doing the society at large a huge service so she gets child benefits of about £25k that cannot be taxed. she gets various other benefits ranging from child tax credits, shopping vouchers, paid maternity stipends, etc. all these goodies while staying at home grooming the child to her taste.

if she runs back to work 3 weeks after putting to bed, the child benefit stops. she goes back to her £40k which will be taxed & her takehome pay reduces to £26k. from this £26k, she will have to deduct transport fare, child care cost, lunch, etc plus the fact that she's not there to groom her child to her own taste. after all the deductions, she's reduced to £12k.

i ask again - how are you not penny wise, pound foolish?

Biko Coogar pls how can I get this £25k child benefit For wia.Under ConDems lai lai.Its not a walk in the park like that o.Child benefit is £20.80 a week for the first child and £13.40 for the younger siblings.Thats not even enough for Diapers and Formula if you have a chop chop baby.Tax Credits threshold been reduced to £38k or something.Earn over £44k you lose child benefit altogether.

serubawon: I completely disagree. Gibbs is the bomb. Best team leader in the world and his unsmiling face is unique (that actually sounded kind of gay, didn't it?)

Wharefa, NCIS is my most favorite program anyday anytime.

NCIS is boring jare. Abeg who is watching Homeland is it me or they have lost the plot in this Season 3?

ileobatojo: Lol! The cat is gone so the mice are out to play eh?

Abeg where is Jidegirl?

Awon alapa ike (plastic bones).I miss Jidegirl where is she sef?

stillwater: But times have changed and everyone (husband and wife) must be flexible and be hands on, because we are no more in a communal society. This change should not be relegated to only the women. It would have been easier to do that in those days, because people were literally their own bosses (as in have their own farms, you can take your child to the farm, to the market) and it was a communal society with families living together, so kids have people looking out for them. This african proverb even puts it to light - It takes a village to raise a child.
This is not practical today because you are likely to work for someone else, you can't take your kid to work and you don't even live with your extended families.
But men would rather maintain the status quo (so far it worked for our ancestors, right, why can't it work for us- according to them) and it comes across as if women are rebelling against their nurturing disposition by preaching partnership between husband and wife. Times have changed and some traditions like this need to be tweaked. Both man and woman must be on deck in raising the child. Not only women need to bend her back. YPP made a very important contribution, cos African men have been lying over the years their foremothers didn't work and were sit at home parents.

Excellent point...It took a village back then.Most times now its 2 people.Those 2 people can't just decide that work is the most important and this is both parents . And pls this is not just chores here.....I.e cleaning and cooking.

bukatyne: You have lost touch with the Nigerian environ haven't you?

E-banking + debit cards for a woman that sells lace at Balogun market?

Will not be there by 8:00am when by 8:00am different women will be coercing you to patronize them meaning

They had arrived at the market,
Cleaned it up and arranged their goods...

All before 8:00am

LOL! once again that most market women have more flexible hours than working women!

Its more flexible cos they can choose their hours.Of course there is alot of passion when you run your own business so you tend to work more but the key is you can decide those hours.My mum sells in Balogun by the way and she gets to her shop 10/11.Most of the high earners in this category you mentioned have shopgirls.Those are the ones that get to work 8am

bukatyne: I laugh in Spanish!

A business woman has more flexibility than a 9 - 5 woman?

What will I not hear on NL?

Maybe you are talking about the women who have kiosks outside their houses sha

Bukatyne yes she does have more flexibility. ....Not saying she works less.Her time is just more flexible.I slept at 2.00 am wrapping parcels I needed to send out today after I finished my coursework when the kids were in bed.I in turn woke up at half 7 this morning. If I woke up at half 7 when I worked 9 to 5 I would be late for work cos I would miss my train.

Nashville, you know this issue of low income area is very subjective in London (cant say of other parts of the UK) low income housing is mostly social housing and every Borough in London including Chelsea and Kensington have social housing. Nunhead, Dulwich are interwoven with Peckham and you have alot of upper middle class people living in these areas.In short Dulwich has some of the best state schools in London. I will use my area as an example it just about 10 mins to Canary Wharf and the City and has excellent transport links.Its a mixture.In my daughters class, you have middle class oyinbo kids, middle class proffessional immigrants kids and of course the kids whose parents are on benefits but live in the neighbourhood cos thats where their council property is.I won't even lie or feel funky if my husband did not buy his property off the right to buy scheme we could never ever afford to live here.Fact.Rents for a two bed go for as high as £500 a week or more sef.
I get the gang related issues bla bla but that is another dimension.Funny enough alot of our people (yes our people) whose kids get mixed upIin gangs have two working parents working low end jobs working 500 hrs a week so mum can buy the latest gold and Dad can build mansion in Naija.

yellowpawpaw: Buky,
The truth is that I'm tired of everyday career woman this career woman that as if our mummies or great grand mummies were idle.
I used that example to tell them that from time imemorial, women have been up and doing and still manage their home front effectively.
The argument just don't make sense to me.
That u r a stay at home mum,career woman or a mkt woman is not a criteria for measuring a good mum at all.
We should know better.

I agree.I even laugh when some stay at home mums say ' I am a full time mum' like the working mum is a part time mum
My argument is esp on NL, stay at home mums are demonised, called lazy, ,liability, ambitionless etc.Let everyone do what works for them and their kids and stop looking down on or labelling the other set.I can talk from both ends NONE of them are necessarily easier than the other.But again,humans are different. I can even say I have much more to do now that I dont do typical 9 to 5 so that is me.I am going back to work cos kids get more expensive as they grow older (depending on what you want for them) but I am working now on improving myself to reenter the workforce better than I left sef.Which is why my 2 children is enough for me, I can't slow down again in some yrs time when i am in full throttle.

So lets stop tearing each other down cos the other person is not necessarily towing our path
Like I say never judge anyone unless you have walked in their shoes.

Efemena_xy: Nice thread, with an insightful topic for debate.

Personally, I think it all boils down to one's circumstances. There is no one-size-fits-all.

Yes, there is a logical argument for a parent to be with the child in their early, formative years (0-5) but the question is this: how realistic or achievable is this? Many parents out here in the UK work because they have no choice and can't afford to stay at home and look after their kids. Bills MUST be paid and certain bills like ensuring the roof over your head stays intact - are no-nonsense debts that must be paid else you risk losing your home.

Being a stay-at-home mum (I hate that term housewife), is equally no mean feat. You have to WANT to do it, and as a career woman, I'd rather be given the choice to do it and not be forced or coerced into it. An unhappy stay-at-home mum would be resentful and this would rub off on her kids and husband. She most certainly will find one way or the other to kick against it, even if she has to do it reluctantly. I don't think that's a healthy atmosphere for two adults to live in, much less bring up impressionable kids in.

On the flip side of the coin, a woman who chooses to put her career on line for the sake of her kids, will not feel too bothered about undertaking the very real sacrifices that go with it. She'll be happy doing it because she's doing it on her terms and knows she can go back to work when she wants to. For the time they're home, they'll put their heart and soul into running their family home to the best of their abilities. It's very important to state at this point that the man has to be appreciative of her efforts and encourage her. [b]Adopting the average Naija man mentality and looking down his nose at her, or getting involved in acts that do nothing more than to chip away at her self-esteem and confidence will back fire and that's where [/b]resentment (from her) sets in.

Dami, I agree with you - different strokes for different folks. To each their own.

And THAT Efe is one of the main reasons its not a good idea basically because of how we are.Most Nigerians find it difficult to respect anyone they feel is not financially pulling their weight. It happens among siblings parents sef, the highest earner often gets the most respect.At the other end of the coin too, it takes a reorientation and perhaps some kind of strength of character for some Nigerian women to really really respect a man she out earns. Respect should not necessarily be tied to finance but unfortunately that's how we are.Some Naija men start taking the pi*** when they feel what are you contributing sef,so yeah In the typical naija setting its advisable to please earn your keep to retain your respect.There was this thread on stay at home husbands and some people were like yeah I dont mind.In Naija? Dont think so .Even if you respect your man, na people go help you disrespect am,'common keep quiet there no be your wife dey feed you' .

yellowpawpaw: Damiso, it seems u didn't get my post.
That was a cultural practice of many and is still being practiced.

Maybe ur pple(yorubas) don't practice such but its very common in igboland.
These women only go to the market with the suckling ones. They r not housewives and yet r wonderful mothers.

Or r we to rule them out?

By d way, how r u and urs?

We are fine o.And yours? I don't want to speculate but we really lived communally back in the old days.Communal living means grandma, older people were all in the same compound and helped out with living etc.Even as recent as when I was growing up, my grandmother dropped everything to help my mum raise her kids.My mum travelled ALOT in the course of her career, my dad too but you know what we had maternal grandmother, my greatgrandmother grand aunties, aunties who held the home front on her behalf.My grandmother lived a simple life as long as she had food to eat she was ok.Is it me that my mum is buying 75k aso ebi that will drop her business to come help me raise my kids? Or wants to go on holiday every year.Truth is with a growing family I cant afford for my mum to shut up het business to help me raise my kids. Besides she has her own life so why should I even ask her to do that?

dayokanu: Its all about chances, the chance that both cuples would lose their jobs at the same time is lower than for one person losing his job. If you have 2 incomes, the possibility of bot stopping at once when they are unrelated is lower.

A man who works round the clock might live up to 150yrs but the fact is that a sole bread winner who works round the clock has a better chance of being worn out and fall sick than one who has a spouse who also supports financially.

The Ideal should be both parents at home with the children all the time, But its due to economy that is making anyone to work to start with So the more help one can get the better.

If the man can get help with finances from the wife and the wife can get help with domestic work from the husband wont it be better that way and make both of them live longer and happier?

I agree with the bolded that BOTH parents have a part to play in the upbringing of the child.I also do not agree that the sole income has to be from one party.But looking at some cases in Naija especially where it is still believed that the man pays ALL or the BULK of the bills, the woman's income sometimes is used for vanities e.g. aso ebi, gold, brazilian weave etc.Why then does this woman whose husband pays the bills anyway get off on looking down on another woman who is sacrificing not having those just because she chose to put her family first? I am an advocate of do what works for you as long you are not being coerced forced or abused into anything.

What irks me is one group looking down on the other. Women sometimes are their own greatest enemies.If you need to work to support your huband pls do, stop calling a stay at home mum who you have not walked in her shoes lazy.And if you have a husband that can afford to have you stay home to look after the kids dont pour scorn on the one whose wage is really needed to make ends meet.

Abeg I wan go sleep.

yellowpawpaw: I love this debate.

To those advocating that women should stay at home let's do a little flashback.

In d olden days, we don't hv career women rather we hv market women. In igboland for example, the women wake up very early to prepare to various town markets. Mind u they trek(no proper means of transportation then). Around 4 pm u c them parking their wares to head home (they r mostly in groups) by d time they reach home, its already dark. The next day, d cycle continues.
For most of us who don't understand what I am saying let me illustrate.

In igboland we hv 4 market days. Afor, nkwo,eke,oye.
Each town has different market days ascribed to their town market eg Eke Awka in Anambra state, Nkwor Nnewi etc. Market women have stalls or shades in those different town markets which they go to to buy and sell.

Invariably, they r mostly not at home and yet run their home affairs successfully.
I think such is still being practised by many.
They were equivelant to today's career women.
So my question is, if those our great grand mothers did that and succeded, pray tell me why today,s women can't be career women and still succeed in the home front.
Mind u also that in those days, men don't help out in d home like they do now. No washing machine, vacuum cleaner,dish washer, personal vehicle, and still go and do farm work. And they give birth like chicken too.
Where and what is the problem pls?

YPP there was no formal education like today so that market or farm is their school and of course childcare would not come up.Kids would be with their mama anyway . The older ones would help with the younger ones.And the older kids would also help with the chores.

dayokanu: If husband dying is far fetched How about temporary or permanent disability? How about Job loss which happens everyday? How about a man leaving i.e divorce. How does the family and children cope

This can happen to both parties..My uncle and his wife both lost their jobs in Dec 2011 two weeks apart. She worked in then Sterling Bank and He Intercontinental bank.My mum kinda made more money than my Dad at a point but he was the one who died after battling illness for a while so life happens. My own argument is not that a woman with kids cant have a career. My argument is that one parent or both sef might have to make some adjustments to be there for the kids a bit more especially during the early years foundation stage (0-5).Its harder in Nigeria I agree but really really both mummy and Daddy should not be leaving home at 6 am and getting home at 9pm leaving childcare to paid help.

You don't build your kids esp at that early stage into your already established life.In that case just face the career.For sometime, the ideal should be your life or work should be built around them.My SIL used to wake up at 4 to get to for work for 7 so she could pick her son in school for 3.Her hubby dropped him off.Hard while they did it but she built her work around her son, not her son around her work.

Nashville: This thing happened to a family friend. A very educated woman, her husband never allowed her work. The man had a good job but died unexpectedly. She had never worked and at that time it was too late to start anything. Not only did she not have money, she did not know how to manage money. Things became soo bad for her. I really pitied the children. Their father was physically dead and their mother was not very helpful economically. These things happen o!

Nashville I get your point.Even for those faar older I have friends of my mum who have still not gotten their bearings after becoming widows cos their husbands did everything

But this what if the husband dies scenario I keep hearing on NL is a tad bit alarmist jare.Anyone can die at any time .Me thinking my husband might die is not an incentive to earn money or work but simply to fulfil myself as an individual.In the last month, iv heard of 3 deaths of women who worked leaving behind young children.So all these what if the husband dies should not really be an incentive to work.Some men dont even know what to do around their young kids for 6 hours why don't people say you better work less o what will happen to the kids if your wife dies? We simply say men bond with your kids cos its good for their overall wellbeing.Earn money or do something cos its not good to be idle, its good to earn some respect but all this what if the husband dies me I dont know o.

Nashville: Not sure any good thing comes easy in life except your dad is Dangote or Bill Gates. We all know the first few years are tough everywhere in the world. I have lived in the US, UK and Nigeria and raising a family is not easy anywhere, especially the first 5 - 7 years. While I will not support my wife to have a consulting job that takes her out of town all the time, I just cannot understand how you can say a woman have a 9-5pm day job is incompatible with raising a family. To Damiso's example, your company is a bit harsh cos I have worked in the Uk and there have been several instances where I have had to go in late or not show up at all just to watch my kids school play or take them to school. It all depends on the nature of the job.

Mind you, let us not talk as if, bringing up the children is the mother's responsibility. This responsibility should be shared and may be what makes it very very difficult for some women is that their husbands dont do anything to help them. As I said, I will not spend all that money on my daughter for her to be watching African Magic for the rest of her life. God forbid, the man loses his job or becomes incapacitated or even dies young. Can a woman who has never worked or earned an income support the family? Who knows what life will throw at us.

. Nashville you know what i was initially upset but later on I did come to terms with the fact that yeah sort of my hours did not meet the business needs of that particular role.It was a financial crime role and most of the people in that team sometimes did not close till 7pm sometimes(with overtime pay of course).Was I really prepared to put in that much overtime cos it was needed to be effective in that role(don't think so).It also meant I had to travel a fair bit as well so to be honest,if I was the recruiting manager I also would not have wanted someone who would want to close at 3:45.As for that my manager,he was just being an a*** that day?Generally as I said initially the UK and even my former co have very generous parental laws,9 months paid maternity leave is generous.But even Brits realise that there is a sort of glass ceiling for child bearing women.Who really wants a CEO on flexi time?Or works part time and has to definitely close at 5.Rising through the coporate world requires a lot of sacrifice even for men.There was this documentary with Hilary Devey (a multimillionaire and one of the dragons on dragons den)and there was a research that said women make up just about 1% of the board of FTSE 100companies.They go to university,red brick unis sef.By the time they get to middle management in their 30's and get the motherhood bug a huge chunk of them are lost for another good 5 to 7 yrs.By the time they are ready to renter the workforce it's a bit harder.As concluded in that documentary that's a very large chunk of a highly skilled,experienced demographic that is being lost just because most companies are unable to accomodate the demands of parenting by bein a bit more flexible with working hours.As I said how can this generous flexi time be financially rewarding for business.I run a small business now and truthfully I would not be too happy to be paying 9 months mat leave(yeah I know you claim it back) but you have the hassle of recruiting someone else bla bla.Its just not soo economically viable to be putting work life balance at the forefront of your business.Business is meant to make profit and for every young qualified mum there are 10 young people with no commitments.The girl who shadowed me and i trained when I went on Mat leave is now a manager.If you say come and go to kutiwenji she is ready.So why won't I as an employer prefer her to someone who will be giving me story erm my daughter nursery penalises if I don't pick her up by half 5.

Coogar has some great points but you an like to argue from the most extreme points of the spectrum.Haba parenting and career are incompatible haan haan now ,.I agree that the way stay at home mums are often demonised is a very very unfair generalisation BUT I still think it's up to both parents to decide what can work for the family.Some companies have good flexi work patterns,once the kids are in full time school you can opt to work part time thereby having the best of both worlds.To be honest though,even in the UK where parental laws are quite generous, it is still hard juggle to make family a priority esp in the early years.I am not playing victim or anything but i had issues at work cos i was seen as not 'social' enough. I.e pub crawls,team night outs,working out of station,child care cock ups etc.My daughter had been in AandE and my manager told me I cant let you go for another hour.Thank God my hubby was able to leave work but I told him khan my family comes first.How effective will I be when I know my child is ill in hospital.In my team, I was the only mother and even though based on my work ethic and experience on the job,it one way or the other was an issue.My manager could not just say Dami you are going to manchester on Monday.Heck I even did not get a role that I was qualified for cos they said my hours did not meet business needs(I resumed at 8 with a 30 min lunch so I could close at 4 or 3:45 as i picked up my daughter while hubby dropped her in the morning)so it was not like I was working part time sef.So yeah it is hard and it comes to a point where you wonder is it all worth it sef?But as Nashville has said its for a while,it gets a bit easier after that 0-5 stage.

Hello fun room....@pickabeau na Christmas turkey o, I like that Efe's recipe as it's like Fusion turkey (naija +English).That English Turkey Roast is just too dry joor.
Efe pls (in yoruba culture its rude to ask how many children one has) but excuse my curiosity 4 Turkeys seems alot , is your battalion that large ni cos I saw your menu and seems like you have so many other extras.Or do you host guests as well?

And that your kids party was oyinbo party jooor. .At typical naija parties we bring all the siblings, daddy, mummy, grandma, grandpa, cousins, nephews, nieces .

CC you use style wicked small though you are right jare.I did not even want to come you now say no kids, good excuse my childcare arrangement cancelled on me short notice.My husband rarely eats at parties cos thanks to the recession every bola, helen and sikira in the UK is now a caterer (sorry if those are anyone's real names).Ahhann some jollof and fried rice at naija parties eh .

@Dutchess Life is a gift, a very precious one at that.Whatever you are going through realise that no condition is ever permanent. This too shall pass.Life is full of ups and Downs and our trials sometimes are experiences we need to make us stronger.Pls dont allow those thoughts thrive, pls and pls.

YPP happy birthday in advance

Efemena_xy: Lol Dami!

You've already bought your turkey??

As per the page - it must have been seventy-something-ish...

No I have not o.Not even gotten round to gifts sef.But that your turkey sounds yum so it def is the way to go this year.

Awww YPP Hugs .I can soo feel you cos I was in exactly the same mood earlier on this month (5 yrs since my Dad passed) it is well with you.They are resting and in a better place especially when they were pains due to illness.

Hello Funroom, how una dey?This our weather na real baby making weather for those still in the business.No wonder maternity wards are always full in Summer.Ehen Efe pls what page is that your turkey recipe can't be bothered to start looking. If you can't remember pls post again.I am slowly embracing the Christmas spirit

Efemena_xy: Hello Dami,

I think the most important thing to remember here is that there is no one-size-fits-all as far as kids and their education go. Even amongst siblings brought up with similar values in the same household, you'll find that they're as different as can be in terms of how they develop mentally and emotionally and this isn't exclusive to their education attainment either.

I've always found the popular adage that all finger on a person's hand aren't the same - same thing goes for your kids too - and believe me, I know what I'm talking about. I've never sent any of mine to Kumon. I've heard a lot about them too and I think their ethos regarding education (maths to be precise) is based on repetition. Now that might work for certain kids, and it might not for others.

I think the best thing to do is to keep your options as wide as possible with regards to the tutoring format you adopt and the sort of books you use in educating your little ones. Personally, I've always preferred to get a tutors come to my home to teach my kids. This way, they get the all-important 1-2-1 sessions tailor made to meet their specific needs AND the tutors use the books I feel are at the right level for my kids. So let's take maths for example. I've over the years accumulated a lot of maths text books for my kids ranging from:

~ The Nigerian Understanding Mathematics books 1 - 6 (I got that when I travelled home on hols). I love the structure of the book i.e Explanation, Examples, Practice Exercises and then Tests/Exam styled questions.

~ Bond Books (both hardback and online)

~ WHSmith Maths text books

~ Scholfied and Sims (Number reasoning, Multiplication, etc)

~ And a couple more. I even got some books on Quantitative aptitude. I'm just too lazy to go look up the titles on the bookshelf at the moment.

Now obviously, I didn't use all of these on any one child. Some of my kids were happy to jump in at the deep end, some did better going slow and steady, or starting from scratch, it all depends on your child.

Their school also offered homework clubs which I let them join for the interaction with their friends and just like CC's mentioned, children learn through play and a lot more when they don't even realise they're learning something. Argos, Bright Minds and Learning (Leapfrog?) Tree have got a host of educational toys to help with this too. You can also take a look at the BBC Children's link for more interactive learning sessions.

There are so many options out there that I could go on and on - but at the end of the day, the onus is on you to find what works best for your little angels. Having said that, your daughter sounds like she's developing fine to me.

Now relax a bit mami

Thank you Efe....Another insightful post.You and CC God bless una well well

We already use the Bond Workbooks and some other ones I was able to lay my hands on from WH Smith.As I mentioned in my response to CC I have also downloaded quite a good number of educational apps on the tablets and I can see that really really helped with word, phonics etc.She also has loads of leapfrog learning toys even the leap pad (their kiddie tablet) which her brother has helped her dunk in the toilet

Seems am tilting towards scrapping the kumon idea, my husband was not too keen anyway as he like you Efe prefers the 1 one 1 attention of home tutors though he thinks she is a bit too young for that. Bur as I kept going on and on he said ok o sebi na another extra activity for you what's my business .So yeah I think il keep doing what we are doing at the mo(one less helter skelter during the week anyway)And yes il calm down but Efe if you see those chinese kids in my daughter's class (there are quite alot of middle class chinese peeps in my area) you sef go fear .Those chinese people are slave drivers walahi, even in the Library dem fit intimidate you.But as you said all fingers are not equal.

Thank you again.

yellowpawpaw: Xtravagant daddy.
I wonder what he will do if none of his children don't hv. Instead of him to help build his children up( forget training one in school. Its his obligation), he is milking u dry.
Ur husband is watching in 3D.
Be ready for his reaction and actions since u don't know how to call ur dad to order.
And let him not use emotional blackmail on u.
(We all lv our parents, don't we?)

Thank You YPP.OP this....And also the emotional blackmail bit.Dont want to go into so much details but you are even faar better than I was.Thank God for wisdom in hindsight.As o said earlier dont start what you cant finish. Your husband would end up being the victim cos it will turn to 'He does not want you to take care of me' when hundreds of thousands or even millions might no longer be forthcoming.Yours is Cars and Luxury Hotel, mine was expensive aso ebi's .

I can feel you OP.Soo feel you.But As most posters have said do what you feel you can afford that won't affect your own family.Try to help but not at the expense of your family.I know the emotional turmoil of you feeling so bad that your own father who did soo much for you cannot afford to buy fuel.BUT this is not a truly indigent parent.One needs to take care of our elderly ones but I am now seeing its unfair to expect one's kids who have a growing family to fund a 'standard' of living one is used to.Or so 'shame' cant enter when its obvious its either that child funds this lifestyle or provide for their own children. I cant see the future but I hope I will be able to understand when I get there.

Talking from experience here dont start what you might not be able to sustain in the future.Kids get more expensive as they grow older, I dont know where you are based but Uni tuition fees keep skyrocketting by the day.A suggestion is you should probably set an allowance(might not be alot or what is expected but what you can afford) but its just symbolic say for Car maintenance, Foodstuffs,etc..Try to add it your budget as part of your duties.Except in truly dire circumstances or festive periods birthdays family engagements etc stick to it religiously.

Chillisauce: Some nairalanders wedding

Abeg Chilli whose wedding ;DSpill

Happy Friday Fun Room

Nashville: Bros you are right and I don't deny it. Nigerian women generally marry up and that is true, because just like everyone else, being poor in Nigeria can be very hard so everyone wants to escape poverty. And of cos greed is part of it. I get your point about women losing respect for men they feed and that is true. But my point is that you should not be in competition with your wife. You should not have a mindset that says "I always have to earn more than my wife". You should hustle and work hard to be able to provide all the necessities and luxuries for your self and your family, so that you do not need your wife's money. Once you are able to do that, you should be content. Whether your wife makes more or less than you should not be what makes you a real man or less than a man. What determines your worth is how much you have done for yourself, not whether your wife is richer or not.

I will rather have a who has money and then disrespects me - at least I would know her true colours and decide whether or not to continue with the marriage. I prefer that than a woman who just respects me for my money and I never find out if she truly loves me or not. If a woman truly respects you, the money will not matter, trust me - she will still respect you if she has more and you are fulfilling your duties at home. Using money as a control tool never brings out the true essence of love in marriage. If I wanted a wife than I would always be richer than, I will marry a village girl an make her sit at home!

I just had to log in to say Nashville God bless you.A woman who respects you irrespective of earning power respects you period.And vice versa.Respect should not necessarily be tied to earning power.But we naija people(if I may add be it in mars, pluto or Lagos) equate Earning Power or Finance =Respect.Typical (not all) Nigerian men even find it difficult to respect their wives if they pay the bills, its a talk now abi you fit scenario.
Like you wont pay bills if you are single? Cos I dont see how or what breadwiner has to do with slap?

Efemena_xy: Thanks CC

@Dami, Kilodey this evening?

@Efe nothing dey o .No mind me na fear dey catch me my princess don dey talk wella and so she don dey dream of santa .Although Efiko me keeps saying 'Christmas is about Jesus honey" but e no work .This eve she said mummy I am a good girl, Jesus and Santa love good girls .

Hello Funroom.

@CC and Pickabeau I love that Nse Ikpe Etim girl die abeg Pickabeau what's the name of the film? I will watch cos of her cos those other two you mentioned are a no no for me.Pickabeau I like jere not all these naija men who keep saying Naija movies are crap (hubby included) but somehow like Mercy Johnson

The Newsroom Season 2
Homeland Season 3 but is it me but I think this season 3 is kinda boring.Maybe cos I have been recording and just watched the first 2 episodes without Brody.Will watch episode 3 tonight and Brody returns.
I have Rookie Blue Season 4, 1st 3 episodes ofLaw and Order SVU season 15, Bates Motel and Person Of Interest recorded. I was such a series junkie that I watched Prison Break Season 1 and 2 in 3 days.Chei children can cramp one's style o.

Efemena_xy: I feel like watching another Naija movie today

Any recommendations, house??

CC??

Have you seen Mr & Mrs.I am quite rusty on the naija movie front so am sure that is old but its a nice movie sha. .

Hello Fun Room

Efe and CC the adverts are in full swing, my local shopping centre even has Christmas decorations up Like seriously In November. Call me a debbie downer but Christmas should start from Dec 1st.

Omooba77: Most Nigerians abroad are frustrated by bills and bills; imagine an able bodied man doing baby sitting.............

Na wa so is that the only conclusion that could be drawn from this story

At post so sad . May the poor boy's soul rest in peace.I know how we africans can flip at things like a child bedwetting(I was kinda suprised when I saw pyjama pants for 8 yr olds) but all the same injuries that severe that the boy could die is totally out of order.

I personally don't believe in all this send your househelp to school cos if I am being honest (having grown up with househelps that were sent to school or learnt a trade) its not the same education. Seriously I had one private tutor each for all my weak subjects when I wrote WAEC
I wrote over 12 common entrance examinations and my Dad literarily held vigils at a DG's office for me to get into QC back then.And he did it without blinking an eyelid or thinking he was being nice or giving me a better life or anything. He did it cos he was my father and an aware parent always wants to give their kids all the opportunities they can.If you can't adopt or foster that child do your philanthropy while that child is with the parent.Buy the clothes, pay the school fees but just let them be kids.

My orientation has really changed and my friends in Naija snigger that its cos I dont live in Naija but really I would not employ an under age maid.There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a maid and contrary to what people think there are maids au pairs etc abroad they are just adults so have to be paid at least min wage.I know how much we were paying a regd childminder per day.And that was in her house with me taking all my kid's food.If my daughter soiled herself she would wrap all the soiled clothes in a bag and I would wash when I got home.And I was never offended cos she is being paid to mind the child.I wonder how people trust their babies to 13 yr olds

Get a maid if you need one but employ an adult.And don't pay peanuts expecting childcare, cooking, laundry, cleaning, school run etc.

Hello fun room.How every naa

deeptesting: have two kids and i have zero tolerance policy for housemaids so we don`t have one,my business permits me to have more time than my wife and as such i spend more time at home with the kids. Nothing brings joy to my heart and life than been responsible for the kids not just financially but been present physically. My greatest joy is the bond we share as father and children,i am proud of myself and most importantly the joy that radiates in the life of my kids. I only want them to be fantastic girls like there Mum.

Awww you sound like a wonderful father. Well done.

I personally see nothing wrong with SAHD but when even SAHM mums are called liabilities It takes a couple who really are in sync, mature and progressive to make it work especially in Nigeria.Trust boku boku friends and family to keep poke nosing 'Ehn so your husband does not to go work na wa o'.