₦airaland Forum

Royal Roy: Welcome Mrs Damiso!!

Your contributions on family nairaland are appreciated!!

First born ladies to me are a blessing to most families!!
Most are responsible, loyal to the family & avhieve greater heights than a male first born!! (my opinion).

Wishing u a "cold free winter"!!!

Amen o although we know that aint gonna ever happen .Ecclesiastes says there is a time and season for everything so we wey enjoy summer make we brace up for winter .Not looking forward to it though and its not even the cold but the fact that everywhere is grey and depressing.On the bright side though my birthday and Christmas are in Winter so yay (these days though Christmas sef is becoming a chore).

Amen as well to the blessing bit.My prayer is not to blessed per se but for God to make me a blessing.
Royal roy you have a way with words sha, ehn those girls are in trouble Your toasting no go get part 2.You remind of one my friends in University.

yellowpawpaw: I'm interested in trying out other brands too. Tired of the T.M thing.
My fear is that I don't know which brand to go for and how to get the original.
Can u pls name some good ones for me.
Thanks

YPP as CC said Thomas Pink is a very good one though they are never on sale (God knows why), I dont know if they have started selling Charles Tyrwhit (I hope I got the spelling right) in Naija but they are also nice.Next too also has the odd nice tailored shirts and I also buy Zara but they dont do shirt shirt I.e tailored shirts.They are more smart casual but we women depending on where you work can get away with some things that men cant.

Another trick (might be boring for some people) is to buy plain shirts.I prefer plain shirts now and there is just something so simple yet elegant about a plain white shirt with anything(jeans, skirts, trousers, chinos pants etc).I find all those stripe pattern pattern are the ones that often look like uniforms.

Like CC and debrief I am begginning to hate aso ebi,, its just getting ridiculous.In the year before I got married and I am not exagerrating if I do a rough appraisal of how much I spent on aso ebi I.e fabric and sewing, it would be over 300k cos I had weddings almost every saturday back then.Half of those are back in my old room in Naija I probably cant fit into them anymore .At least other clothes are more functional.I also almost never wear them again.What a waste of resources.I also almost always hate the colour scheme, fabric or this one that they do now in the Uk is pick something with a ready made style ie oleku .Except you are close to me, am begginning to diplomatically refuse to buy (to my husband's delight ).

Its never really happened to me at a party or event but very well at church and work.And they were often shirts by one company TM Lewin or even Hawes and Curtis sef. ; ;DD.TM lewin shirts esp became like aso ebi for most nigerians so if you to a majorly naija church chances are someone will be wearing somethibg like your shirt .So I started wearing them to work and decided to buy the plain ones at least a plain white shirt is a plain white shirt.

I dont even really buy their shirts anymore cos I have discovered some other shops do tailored shirts well.A bit pricier but well worth the additional few quid.

armyofone: Solution:
Get a lynon full of ata rodo or habaneros, wash and blend till smooth.
Add a tit bit of oil in sauce pan and fry the pepper (add salt or knorr) for some minutes. Pour into a storage plastic and put in fridge. Cook your normal stew without pepper for family etc. Add your 'only' pepper sauce to your own meals. Very delish

Thank you I wonder why I never thought of that.I used to use hot chilli sauce that tasted odd, tried using dried pepper gave the food one sandy taste like that.Again thank you

Awww Nice thread.Can I still do intro or have you people moved on? .Ok let me try

My username is a mixture of a shortened form of my name (my name has about 5 short forms good ole yoruba names) and my surname.

I live in the UK though thorougly born and bred lagosian.Not just born and bred but a real omo eko (yes lagos does have indigenous people).I am married to the man for ME and we have two beautiful kids.I am aspiring for sooo much more in my life as I believe God expects so much more from me BUT everyday I try to stop and thank God for where I am coming from, where I am and where I am going to.I am the first child of my parents and alot of my friends and my siblings believe that has alot of bearing on my character and disposition to life (I dont think so though).

I generally tend not to take myself too seriously (this does not mean I dont take life serious) but it just means that I see life a little less rigidly than alot of people do.I love music, documentaries, and generally spending time with my loved ones.

So that's as much as of a summary I can tell of myself

My love for fast food (which is a good thing for my health ).

My love for sleeping in on Saturdays (ok that was more kids and not marriage)

My Spendthrift behaviour (still not fully cured but much better )

My love for over the top spicy (peppery) food cos my husband cant tolerate pepper and I got tired of making two stews.

I have also dropped my argue till I am blue in the face trait.Sometimes silence is golden and works better than arguing.

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bellong: ^^^^ Even if I had no believe in any spirituality, I would have believed that curses of parents on children work wonders...

It reminds me of my final year in Ife. As a student of geology, there is a compulsory course on independent mapping exercise in which all students are posted to various parts of the state (Osun) for 3-4 weeks to conduct an independent (as the name implies) mapping of the region.
I
My group of four was posted to Iperindo, one of the gold deposit area of Ilesha. There was this woman with 3 children in front of the house we lodged, she never mentioned one good word to her children for the three and half weeks we stayed there.

She wakes them up with curses, send them on errand with curses, correct them with curses. I can't forget one morning as early as 6am, while I was preparing for the daily exercise, I heard her say "eyin oloshi wonyi, se ko ye ki e ti ji" (You these unfortunate fellows, are you not supposed to be awake now). That statement hit me like when USA dropped bomb on Hiroshima. There was no existing and non-existing curse words this woman never used on those poor little children..She even sowed curse words into their future.

I personally observed those children and their behavior was not different from a cursed fellow. So obvious. My regret till date is I never summoned the courage to talk to this woman against this action. Anytime I remember, it pricks my heart and I pray for those innocent children.

I must say I never saw her husband at all for all the weeks we spent there. My group members opined that her curses sent her husband packing.

We used to buy ogi and eko from one woman that is very similar to what you described up there.Gosh, it was not a silly sight to behold. My Dad hated negative words of any sort ie oloshi, , Oloriburuku etc so he banned us from buying from her.

I also used to braid my hair with one (back in the days of me trying to be a chic on a budget ) that woman wanted to kill her child cos of 5 naira biscuit, that one I was able to tell off gave her 10 naira and threatened never to come back.Often its a case of transferred aggression like the poor child is the cause of the problem.

Of course you will get annoyed with your kids but your response (which should ideally be your default character not just to your kids) is to censor your words and not be reactive.I remember my mum would say things like Eyin omo dada yii(you this good children) just to avoid saying the opposite words.

bukatyne: I have come to realize that at the end of the day, it is the people in it who really matters.

Let's assume Tunde is a 'househusband' and Shade is ok with it, what is the concern of the neighbors? Which of them will really walk up to shade or Tunde? What is the business of the family If neither Shade or Tunde make it theirs?

If Tunde works all day, 'people' will talk
If Tunde works online @ home, 'people' will talk
If Tunde is a full 'husband', 'people' will talk
If Tunde earns well, 'people' will talk
If Tunde doesn't earn well, 'people' will talk

So why should they concern themselves about what 'people' say?

I soo understand what you mean by people will always talk whatever you do so one really live one's life based on what we think is right and what works for a couple. On this same family section people have called SAHM (stay at home mums) choice names like liability, lazy, alabodo etc etc.Even when sometimes its a couple that decided for the woman to stay home for a while to take care of the kids? What is anybody business esp if they are not asking anyone to pay their bills and are happy with the arrangement? So why should it suddenly now be what works for a couple when its the man?

If I and my husband agree to something (currently in that phase where even my mother is puzzled) its our home..Whether we like it or not some people are influenced by outside influences in their marriages.Especially in Nigeria.

jidegirl12: Is this for real??

Jidegirl you know I support a woman cooking for her family,but that bros harsh gan o. He must be really upset

WS. Smith:
I strongly believe I will be walking out of this marriage soon - f**k whatever any body says or goddamn family meetings.
Its been 4 years and I have exhausted all I can for this woman to learn to cook still its not working. I have brought in professional cooks from Oriental and Eko Hotel, sent her to catering school, personally tried to teach her to do it still no response. This is enough for me to divorce, I swear. It now boils down to big boy like me going to market to buy soup stuff because she just cant buy the right things, I was not brought up to do kitchen stuff but now I dey cook soup like iya basira (mama put). After I don work for office finish, I will come home, take off tie and suit and enter kitchen begin cook like house girl, using ingredients I bought from market last weekend. My mama no go hear this one, if I talk am for family na that night everything go scatter. Na to siddon dey press remote control this woman sabi. She doesnt know my plans, I don dey find accomodation; Walahi one day, I go from work waka enter my new house, just started by flinging that f**king, useless ring away - I had worn the sh*t for so long with no benefit; very soon she no go see me again, nothing will make me return, I'll just ensure child support for my baby. Oloshi!!!

I feel ur pain bruv, these women with no home training!

jidegirl12: So I came across this story about a couple and Feminism and want to share.. Here it goes...


Ni Ozu

Hello, I'm the girlfriend in Justin Lowery's story, and I'd like to share my experience and point of view.

Yes, that day I had just finished an eight hour shift at the hospital and while I was on my way home, my car decided to hate me (I pretty much hated it too). Bam, flat tire! Since I couldn't change the tire myself, I called Justin.

He shows up after a few minutes and told me that I was going to change the tire myself, and that he was just going to walk me through it. My first thought was "What!? I can't do that!" He kept telling me that I could, and I kept telling him that I couldn't.

After a bit of back and forth, I got pretty angry and ended up having a minor meltdown, which included calling my father and demanding that he make Justin fix the tire for me. In the end, even my dad told me to "get over it" and doing it was the best way to learn.

So, I gave in and just went to work changing this damn tire. Amazingly enough, I did it, with very little help from Justin. I have to admit that he was right, and boy do I hate when he's right (Let's just keep that "he was right" thing between us

Here's the thing, after 13 years of being with Justin, I've become pretty accustomed to him constantly challenging my preconceived notions of my own limitations as well as my notions of the world around us. In the short run, he frustrates the hell out of me, but in the long run, I know more now than I would have ever known if it wasn't for him.

Honestly, I don't remember all the steps to change a tire, and I will call Justin again when I get a flat, but I know if I'm ever in a situation where he will be unavailable to help me, I know that I CAN do it myself if needed. That knowledge is quite comforting.

So what's it like to date a (male) feminist? It's got its pros and cons, but from my perspective, the pros most definitely out-weight the cons. I was raised by a very independent woman, so dating Justin wasn't too much of a shock to my system.

From the beginning Justin has pushed me to be an independent, self-sufficient woman. One of my biggest fears is to be financially dependent on a man and caught in a situation where you want to leave, but can't afford to.

To this day, Justin and I do not share any finances. In the event that this relationship does not work out, we are free to leave without having any legal or financial ties to one another. He has encouraged me to find a career where I could build a life without depending on anyone, be it him or my parents.

Because we've built this relationship that has little to no dependencies, we both fully know that we are in this relationship because we enjoy each other's company and help each other be better together. We stay together because we want to be together, not because we are afraid not to be together.

I think the last paragraph is a very good basis for any healthy relationship.I have said it on a thread that i think my husband does not complete as i think i was a complete human being put here by God for a purpose but i think my husband comeplements me to fulfil that purpose and i his.So that paragraph does not necessarily have anything to do with feminism solely.My father raised his girls like boys and i can do most things that a guy can do(change tyres,change light bulbs,switch on the gen etc).I can pretend that i dont know how to do it just to get my husband to do it,but beleive if he is not there i would have no difficulty in doing it.The other day my husband was out of town and the boiler started acting up,i read the manual and one way or the other sha managed to get some hot water till British Gas came round to fix it.He was like so how did you cope without hot water,i just laughed. He knows though that i can cope on my own and sometimes says to people that God forbid if anything happens to him he knows the kids will be ok.But i am committed to my marriage so i dont even think of life without him if it can be helped.

I however think that some of the other points come across as kinda commitement phobic and are not necessarily ideas suited to a couple in it for the long haul especially with kids thrown into the mix.Whether you are married or not,kids kinda tie to you the other parent for LIFE especially if the other party wants to be a part of the child's life.

Different strokes for different folks ojere but in the TYPICAL naija setting,even if the woman is not fussed its people that will keep talking.Ehn see Tunde can you imagine his wife wakes up at 5 goes out to hustle and he just sits at home doing nothing watching nollywood.Except he can start showing everyone his bank statement to say i work from home i would not recommend it to my brother living IN Naija.I dont think we have reached that level yet.I would not mind if i earn more and his wages are not worth the childcare costs+lost man hrs commuting etc BUT i would think twice in Naija.I know its 2 people in a marraige but whether we like it or not enviroment sometimes plays a part.

chaircover: I appreciate your fears, but ones life cant be ruled by fear or one wont ever enjoy life. I know of women in their 20's who are TCC and there are women like my mother who had a baby in her mid forties. Everyone is different and everyones destiny is different.

if you really love this woman, then I dont see the problem. She must really love you too, cos its not easy getting married to an only boy cos there are a lot of challenges that come with that too.

having a child exactly 9 months after getting married, is not the end of it all. Infact its just the beginning. It is the grace of God that will help you and not by your strength or wisdom. It is God that will care for those kids and keep them safe. it is God that will give them health. It is God that will give them intellect. It is God that will make them responsible kids that you will be proud of in years to come.

Of course the healthy eating, exercise and taking pre conceive supplements is good for both of you

people mean well, but you have to be able to make some decisions yourself as its your life. I wish you all the best

So true,everyone is different and sometimes what we stress over is just handed to us on a plate.I know someone who got married at 38 and has 4 kids,another at 37 and had 3 kids in 5 years meanwhile a friend of mine got married at 25 and has been TTC for 8 years so CC has said if you truly see this woman as someone you can build your life with(having kids is definitely not the only ingredient for a happy fulfilled marital life) then go for it.

I dont necessarily think its a solely Nigerian thing, the world more or less (horrible I know) is very 'things' centred.If you ask some girls now even in the UK what they want to be when they grow up , they want to be famous, on tv, or a footballers WAG (wives and girlfriends).Parents have more work to do in instilling the correct values into their kids.Life is not always about having things (I know its hard you just want to give them everything ) but sometimes we really need to teach delayed gratification.We need to teach its ok not to ALWAYS have things because everyone else has them.Not saying you should not make them comfortable or cater to their needs but the seeds of getting everything (including a man) at all costs could start from unhealthy keeping up with everyone.

Seriously (I know jidegirl wont agree or say am beefing ) but alot needs to be done by parents to counter the negative values coming at our kids (at least we just had 4 to 9 tv) from the media, Internet, their peers and sometimes sadly even from the church.

As an aside, high level prostitution(aristo or runs ) has been going on for ages, girls are just more brazen or less ashamed these days.My mum said people had been buying first class tickets to jam baba olowos since the early 70's .My grand aunty(80's) left her husband for a baba olowo had 3 kids got inheritance from the man and went back to the husband of her youth.Some of these people had 5 kids for 5 different men to get different inheritances.

jidegirl12: Dami with all due respect ... I'm DONE with this useless discourse tete

Oh except to finish up my countdown if only the 'our' #1 will get it over with already with the blastoff piece.

Jide you need to send me a dictionary to sometimes understand what your on about who is no 1 and blast off piece

yellowpawpaw: What is wrong with kuwtk? Are we all not like them?
R we not superficial too?
I read comments here on family section and at times I ask whether some of us do number 2 like others.
Nigerians r d most superficial humans in d face of the universe and yet we r condemning a family that knows how to manipulate the public and get their pay.
Some of us watch them to get d latest in fashion too.
Let's let them be. Its their life, their show. U don't like it,don't watch

Of course we know Nigerians are superficial, I think the point people were trying to make is that HBB shows an alternative to the reality we get from KUWT.Life is not all about how you look outside or being always concerned about what the media or world thinks about you.Besides the point was not even about wealth or lack of it per se but values.

Chillisauce: Relax, the pastor is composing his own statement, when he releases it, the church members will confuse more.

Btw, I heard 2 ppl have confirmed same thing.

Its the composing bit am not comfortable with.What are you composing? It either true or not.All these speculations and dodging the question is just doing a disservice to the Church of God.

baby_123: I agree. People dont think about the weight of responsibility that is required to be a pastor. If you are found wanting in any aspect that departs from doctrine or the bible, you either admit guilt and ask for forgiveness from those who believe your words. Or you resign. Because in words and deeds you have led them astray by fraudulently presenting yourself to be what you are not. There is a very high level of responsibility attributed to pastors, this is why what they say and their life style should reflect the teachings in the bible. You just dont go to bible school for 3 weeks and think you have earned the right to be a nuisance. If you want to truly be a pastor and respected then you have to walk, talk and breathe the faith in spirit and in truth. If you cant, then leave the profession and go and find something else doing. I was honestly waiting for his response. If she lied, it would have been an obvious denial. Now he is giving another story. The fact that he used the "touch not my anointed" line, in fact. I immediately felt terribly disgusted. If we let such people get away with things like this, then we should not talk when he starts sexually abusing church members. I am sure before all of this came out, the church members have covered enough indiscretions. For one of the accusers friends to be called "ashawo mary magdalene" tell volumes.

I agree sha but all I wanted to point out was she was also culpable the pastor more so but she too was . People should stop seeing their pastors as demi Gods.

I dont get all this NIN or NID threads.Both sides often have the same one liners;

NIN:All of you are PooPackers, ur mates live in bannana island (like everyone lives in bananna island )
NID:You lot dont have light, shait hole bla bla(like electricity is the end and beggining of life )

Abeg let everyone live where they are comfortable ojare.Its a very subjective issue.Some issues in Nigeria are irritating cos its like having a 20yr old child who you know can walk but refuses to.That said I would never join the calling Nigeria a shait hole crew cos no matter the colour of my passport my place of birth would always be Nigeria can't erase it in this one life I have.Funny that some of these issues like Nepotism exists in ALL countries though not as glaring.As someone on here said, it sucks to be poor anywhere its just that being poor in Nigeria kinda makes you less human.

As for jealousy, me I dont know anyone who is jealous of me living abroad.Its me sef that wishes I could pay a nanny £160 a month (40, 000naira) and think I am doing her a favour. .Nannies here charge as much as £10 or more depending on location (if you want to go for registered ones). Saturday pay is term and a half so that your owambe cost is not just the aso ebi.

In as much as I am not saying Ese is lying, I really do not like how she was potraying the whole thing as abuse.I agree that the Pastor SHOULD be put on a moral pedestal hence the saying practice what you preach, I still believe she could have said no to having an affair.Yeah he was her pastor, yeah she held him in high regard, yeah he threatened her with the touch not my annointed balderdash that some pastors spew BUT in all this she could have refused having the affair.In my opinion, if the affair did happen (and it could have) she could still have refused.She was not a minor.We were still talking about pastor worship the other day, people should respect the office of the pastor but fear and worship only God.Afterall we still say MAN of God not God of God, only goes to show they are still MEN.

The only thing I can say for her is that if the affair did happen at least she is showing remorse.Paul said not because we have Grace that we might continue to abound in sin so at least she realises what THEY (not just him) did was wrong. Its left to see if reputation can make the pastor do the same.Who remembers this old RMD movie with Bimbo Akintola Out of Bounds, very similar story.

jidegirl12: Lmao @ some comments.

Why am I surprised? , Most Nigerians are bunch of haters and enemies of progress ... poverty is a yardstick to measure humbleness, cuteness and realness ....Very bright thinking isn't it.

#dont look too flashy oh, people will focus on you... just wear Ankara skirt&blouse with no jewelries.

That's just me thinking out loud.

Jidegirl but you will agree that KUWTK is superficial, its not the fact that they have money or anything, I dont knock anyone's hustle,i even think they are smart business women building fortune from just being famous.But even khloe and kourtney sometimes agree that Kim is too superficial.Scott Disick literarily makes me feel like sleeping.In short I often sleep when the scenes are Kourtney and Scott house.

;DI really get bored watching reality shows,even KUWK(which I started watching when my mother yes my Alh ;Dmother initiated me)I fall asleep.I record all my tv shows cos I am quite conscious of what I watch when the kids are awake,I just find myself waking up with a stiff neck or hubby telling me to go upstairs when I try to watch them. Will try to watch Honey boo boo and see if I don't fall asleep.As an aside I absolutely hate toddlers and tiaras.I hate the whole concept behind it

Tinkybabe: It's more than an entertainment site to me . I've gained knowledge, seen the world through other's experiences.most importantly been exposed to some realities I never knew existed.
And oh, it's my first hand information site.

Are you sure you want NL to be your first hand information site.I get info off NL as well but sometimes a lot of things on here are actually opinions,conjectures and not real facts. I enjoy NL though you can't beat the comic relief.

debrief08: The Law cannot protect you when you tie the hands of the Law.
Nigerians are good are tying the hands of the law. They give credit give money without a single document as back up, when kasala burst they start abusing the legal system.
The saddest thing I have seen in my life was the case of a 70 year old man who gave his brother his gratuity to invest in a business and the dividends will be shared.
The brother denied ever receiving a kobo, I can see the Pain on the face of the Judge before annoucing Judgement "Mr. So please is there ANY document, witness or even bank transaction I can have as evidence"
The man took a deep breath and had a heart attack there and then in court.
Everyone knew the truth but there was nothing to back it up, the man didn't even tell his wife, didn't bring anyone to witness, hid a business deal taking his life savings from everyone because he trusted his brother.
Trust is good but have a back up. It helps

Sad but true.Money is a very strong spirit and people even brothers from the same womb do the most atrocious things for it.My nature is to be very trusting and giving people the benefit of the doubt but am learning (esp in business) you have to logical and leave emotions aside.

chaircover: Vanitty, this is one of the problems that many homes are facing

My pastor this, my pastor that. Daddy said this, daddy said that. Pastors are now second hand "husbands" in some womens homes.

Its all down to lazy Christianity. People who dont want to take the trouble to seek God themselves, but go through a middle man. A pastors job is to guide and teach. He is not the way to God. He is not the truth nor the light. Some people cant make simple simple decisions without taking their whole family to pastor. . . .a pastor who in many cases too is struggling with his own issues.

Its when you get close to pastors, that you will know that firstly they are human like everyone else. I always tell people not to be fooled. The days of men of God who really served God with all their heart and might have long gone. Today many are just in it due to joblessness and have a sweet tongue. How many churches were around during our parents and grandparents days? but today, every street has at least one church. Did God suddenly call all these people in 2010?

Some peoples homes have broken apart due to "pastors" and many are already in the process, but because people dont like mentioning men of God as the root cause, they blame it on something else. Not many men like the posters inlaw will come out and blatantly point a finger at a pastor. Men will always be men and no one wants to share his wife with anybody in any shape or form. he was seething with the late night phonecalls & his wifes closeness to the pastor but he didnt do anything about it because it was a pastor, until he couldnt bear it anymore and the while thing exploded. If the husband had dealt with it earlier, then they all wouldnt have been in this situation.

I pray that people will be wise and place the hope they have on their pastors on God Himself.

CC it really takes alot of discernment and wisdom in order to be able to keep a respectful distance and has you said (the bible as well when paul said will we continue to be babies to be tossed round by all doctrines) by choosing to seek God yourself.I can so personally relate to this topic (not that I think my pastor has any ulterior motive, I think he genuinely does care but sometimes can come across as being intrusive ) cos I had to caution myself in the past.He still finds it odd that I dont call him up everytime I have an issue but really I dont see the need.Some people call the pastor before they book a family holiday and am like WTH .Some people give some kain testimony eh, my manager was victimising me that I come to work late so I called pastor and we prayed now he has been transferred to another branch .Am like if na me my first question would be why do you go to work late?

Sometimes it's cos we are so caught up in the zeal to serve in His vineyard and then sometimes get caught up far deeper in religion rather than actually serving God.My pastor sometime this year said he wanted to nominate me from our parish to go for a pastoral course and I respectfully declined.He was upset that I was declining a call to serve but I told him I need conviction from God and my husband's approval before I could do it.Besides I dont think my actual ministry is really to be a pastor, so there .

Which kain generalising topic be dis? I know I dont abi is it not my house too ni?

I think ALL women (single or married) should wear long tops over skinny jeans or jeggings if they have a big back side .Seriously somethings I have seen this summer .Abeg ppl should stop assaulting our eyes.

Belly folds, stretch marks, flabby bingo arms ewww.*shudders*.gross.There is elegance in wearing what suits your body shape.

Little do we know that even pastors have their own marital issues sef cos as most people said they are human.

I personally do not like every issue in my life being tabled before my pastor cos I can speak to God myself.He is with me all the time so why do I have to firstly wait or sometimes go through P.A and long appointment to speak to someone that is with me all the time .Yeah I believe in having prayer partners (your spouse is a good one) or even someone who you think is like minded with you in the spirit who might then be a pastor but I really dont get all this pastor worship prevalent (sorry to say) in mostly naija churches.As has been said alot of women even respect their pastors word over their husband's. SMH.

@Topic hubby was a lil over the top in his reaction which is what happens when you bottle up an issue that has been niggling for a while.If your cousin can just make him see reason with her and delineate boundaries they should be ok.

My church is quite a small parish and as such we have one person having to do multiple roles so I am in children's dept, finance, sunday school as well as welfare and community outreach.It means my pastor sometimes tends to call me alot about issues.He at a point used to call me like 10 half 10 at night esp on saturdays.I picked the call like twice but the second time me and my husband were in the middle of a serious conversation.I decided no more so anytime he called me after half 9 I would not pick. I would then send a text early on sun morn to ask what the issue was.Needless to say he got the message and now calls saturday Afternoon or even sef text regarding whatever he wanted to discuss about the next day's service.

Sorry for my long post

Nice insights.I agree with Biola that we are just caretakers.

"I live for my kids" is one statement alot of us parents make, I know I do.Its just more or less to stress the importance of our kids to us.But I was just thinking yesterday to myself, should we really apply this or just leave it as an endearment? Is that not too much of a burden to place on a child?

We all hear of cases where one way or other kids deviate from the 'well laid out' plans their parents set out for them.Of course even we parents were once children ourselves and have come to realise in adulthood that we don't always share the same POV as our parents.

My kids are a very integral part of my life and most decisions we make as a family often has their welfare and needs put first.I think I am slightly better than my husband cos he does not mind sacrificing ALL just to make them comfortable and happy.But (maybe am selfish ) I believe sometimes some decisions need not be always about them but also slightly what might work for us.Why should we more or less "live" for them? I love and cherish my kids but I also want to impact on other kids that are not necessarily biologically mine.How can I give a bit of myself to others when I generally have used every bit of myself up for them?

So do you believe in 'living for your kids'?

I think you should tell the parents.Its better for them to know what the issue might be if an allergic reaction does occur.

Its tricky having other people's kids over ojare, you sha cant be giving your kids ice cream and exclude them.abi .Thats why when I drop my kids with people for play dates I try to specifically say things they cant have so as to clear doubts.